The Illusion of Control: How OCD Keeps You Playing a Short-Term Game

The OCD and Anxiety Podcast by Robert James Coaching. Music.

Hello and welcome to the OCD and Anxiety Podcast where we explore how to have a more positive relationship with anxiety disorders taking back control so that you can start living the life you choose and not the one chosen by your fears. Music. Hello and welcome to episode 441. Today we're going to uncover one of OCD's most compelling tricks and that is the illusion of control. If you've struggled with OCD, you're probably familiar with this pattern.

OCD offers what feels like a quick fix, a way to control your anxiety in that moment through compulsions or checking. Each time that you perform a compulsion, you get a small sense of relief, a feeling of safety that tells you I've got this under control. But here's the thing, that control is an illusion. It's a short-term fix that ultimately keeps you in the OCD cycle because you end up needing to perform more and more of those compulsions in order to get that feeling of relief.

Today, I want to share with you why this short-term approach doesn't work and why focusing on the long game, the medium and long term, can lead to real freedom from OCD.

By the end of this episode you'll have two strategies that can help you start making that shift and before we really dive into it if you're looking for more tools and strategies on managing OCD and anxiety and building real resilience then you can head over to my YouTube channel at Robert James Coaching and you'll find the link in the show notes or if you simply search for it you'll also find it and please do subscribe that would be amazing if

you could do that also if you would like to get a free session with me you can by heading over to my website. Robertjamescoaching.com there you can book in for that free session or if you prefer you can send me a message and let me know about what you're struggling with if you have any questions at all about anything I speak about today do please let me know and off we go.

So, let's start with a quote from Breen Brown that speaks directly to today's topic. In the end, it's not the easy moments that define us, but the moments when we choose courage over comfort. This idea of choosing courage over comfort is essential when it comes to managing OCD, because OCD often keeps us from making that choice. Certainly, when I was really struggling, I would always be looking for comfort.

I thought that was the thing that you needed to do. Of course, you don't want to feel bad. You want to feel good. But actually, that was keeping me stuck in a trap. OCD wants us to go for the quick fix, the short-term relief that comes from a compulsion. And that's completely natural. When we feel uncomfortable, of course, we want to do something that makes us feel better immediately.

But with OCD every time we act on a compulsion it's like adding another link in the chain that keeps us stuck and this brings us to a concept from acceptance commitment therapy or ACT called the choice point. The choice point is a moment of decision where we have two paths in front of us you might also call it the crossroads.

One path leads to short-term comfort by giving into a compulsion while the other leads to our values the things that we truly care about in our lives now the frustrating thing here is OCD plays a really good trick and it really gets us stuck I certainly got stuck in this trap many many times and the trap is this the right thing to do it it actually feels not very nice at all in in the short term you know to actually focus on your values and to to walk away from performing the compulsion can

feel really wrong it can feel awful can feel dreadful you know because you're actually not getting that short that short-term relief and the opposite side to that coin is actually performing performing the compulsion at least in the short term it gives you a sense of relief it does momentarily make you feel a little bit better but of course we know in the long run all we're really doing is we're reinforcing the habit of OCD.

In my own journey with OCD, I struggled with this choice point for a long time. Like so many people with OCD, I often would tell myself, just one more time and then I'll stop. Whether it was checking or ruminating on a thought, I always believed that one more time would give me the answer I was looking for. It would give me the right level of reassurance or I would get that just right feeling that I was looking for. But, as you can probably guess.

That one more time never actually led to me stopping. Instead, it led to more checking, more anxiety and ultimately feeling more and more trapped. The real turning point came for me when I started to allow a little more discomfort into my life. I began to see each urge, each compulsion as an opportunity to practice choosing courage over comfort.

And let me be clear this wasn't easy and of course I wouldn't say I'm the bravest person in the world it was very difficult for me to do this you know but over time by practicing and taking little steps each day I was able to do it and it felt completely unnatural at first almost like ignoring an itch that that desperately needs to be scratched but with each time that I resisted the urge to check. I felt like I was reclaiming a small piece of my freedom.

I was learning that I could ride out the discomfort without responding to every anxious thought. It was almost like I was building a new type of control, not the forced control of checking and performing rituals, but a more natural, resilient control that grew stronger each time that I didn't give in.

Now if you're wondering how can you start making this shift from your short-term relief to long-term resilience well here are two techniques that have made a big difference to to me. The first technique is something I like to call postponement. When the urge to check or perform a compulsion arises, you don't need to resist it outright if that feels overwhelming or too difficult in that moment. Instead, start by delaying it.

Set a timer for 5 minutes, maybe 10 minutes even if you're ready for a bit more of a challenge and tell yourself you'll wait that long before acting on the urge.

During this time remind yourself that the anxiety won't last forever and that by postponing you're actually weakening the hold that compulsion has on you over time you'll find that this delay actually creates a bit of distance between you and the urge and the more that you practice this the more you'll be able to stretch that gap and gain confidence in your ability to sit with discomfort.

And remember, each time you wait, even if only for a few minutes, you're building resilience and teaching your mind that you don't have to immediately respond to every uncomfortable thought. The second technique is something I call the rule of values check-in. This is especially helpful for keeping focused on the long-term game.

When you feel that compulsion pulling at you, See if you can take a moment to pause and ask yourself, does this decision actually align with my values or is it just a short-term fix? Think about the values that actually mean the most to you, the things that drive you and define you. For example, if you really value freedom or connection with others, then choosing to lean into discomfort rather than responding to a compulsion actually aligns with those values.

So you may choose to really pay attention to the person that you're with, try to interact more in the conversation, for example, so that you're more present and you're acting out or living by your values more in that moment. With each choice point where you choose values over compulsions, you're actually building a habit of making decisions that reflect who you want to be.

And this doesn't mean you'll never feel the urge to perform a compulsion again, but with each values-based decision, you're actually reclaiming a bit more of your freedom from OCD's grip. Remember, both of these techniques are about building a new habit of resilience.

Don't expect to overcome every compulsion all at once just like building muscle strengthening your ability to tolerate discomfort takes time and consistent practice but the reward is real a sense of freedom that no compulsion can ever truly give you.

So thanks for joining me today. Remember, OCD knows how to keep you in that short-term game, but you don't have to play. Each choice point is a chance to make a different decision, a choice that brings you closer to your values and further from OCD's grip. If today's episode resonated with you, please do head over to my YouTube channel for more insights and tips on navigating OCD and anxiety.

And just a heads up, I've had some issues with sound on some of my recent YouTube videos but I'm working to fix that and should have it sorted for future content. So that's it. I really hope that you found it helpful and if you have any questions at all do please let me know. I will see you next time.

Just a quick reminder that if you want to get a free session all you need to do to get that is to head over to my website www.robertjamescoaching.com and there you can leave me a message and we can arrange the free session. And now just a quick reminder of my disclaimer.

Any information that you view on my website, Instagram page, Facebook group or anywhere else online or any information that you listen to on the podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for actual medical or mental health advice from a doctor, psychologist or any other medical or mental health provider. Music.