OCD, Shame & Self-Compassion: Breaking Free from the Cycle

Music. Hello and welcome to the OCD and Anxiety Podcast, where we explore how to have a more positive relationship with anxiety disorders, taking back control so that you can start living the life you choose and not the one chosen by your fears. Music.

Self-compassionate enough to get by was a kind of motto that I think I lived by when I was really struggling with OCD and you know just having just enough self-compassion just to kind of survive your days with OCD isn't enough of course to actually truly learn how to heal from it and to move on in your life in a in a more positive and constructive way so today's episode is really all about the importance of self-compassion when it comes to OCD as well

as the important role that shame plays in the OCD cycle as well if you find this episode helpful it would be amazing if you could consider leaving us a review and if you are struggling with OCD or anxiety and you would like to get some support with that well you can by heading over to my website robertjamescoaching.com and there you can sign up for a free session or if you prefer you can send me a message and let me know about what you're struggling with.

So many thanks if you have any questions at all about anything I speak about today do please let me know and off we go.

So here's a quote about self-compassion to get us started. Self-compassion is key because when. And I love this quote because not only is it talking about self-compassion, but it's also talking about its, you know, its opposite in a way. And that is the emotion of shame. And I think this is something that really comes up a lot with OCD.

You know, people, when they're struggling with intrusive thoughts, you know, even if they're not struggling with, you know, horrible intrusive thoughts, maybe they're more innocent. You know, there's always kind of a sense of shame involved in OCD. Maybe you're ashamed of the fact that you have to go back and check your door for the fifth time. Maybe you're ashamed of the fact that you do actually have intrusive thoughts of a violent nature, for example.

Or maybe you're ashamed of the fact that, you know, you're really going around in circles in your head about your relationship all day long, trying to have certainty about that. So often shame is really kind of, you know, the cornerstone of what keeps OCD in place. You know, when we learn to deal with shame more effectively. You know, that's actually when we can begin to move past it.

We begin to realize that a lot of the obsessing and going around in circles is actually caught up in what we think other people are thinking about us. It's almost like we have this kind of inner critic that's really leading the charge here that is constantly thinking about what other people would think of us if only they knew what was going on with the OCD, if only they knew the kind of thoughts that you experience on a regular basis.

If only they knew all the compulsions you have to perform each day just to kind of get by. If only they knew how difficult it was for you to just be present sometimes and to kind of live your life and to try to enjoy it. Because so often you're getting caught up in your head about all of these thoughts.

And obviously that can be a horrible feeling when you're trying to just.

Enjoy the company of a friend or you're trying to to be with your partner or you're trying to enjoy a family lunch but at the same time you're getting all of these thoughts about things and you're you know you're trying to have certainty you're thinking about things you're going around in circles in your head and nobody kind of knows really what's going on you know people with OCD tend to be really really good at kind of hiding all of this stuff from people

because of course you don't want other people to know what what's happening really because well let's be honest most people aren't really going to understand OCD is a very confusing thing even for for those of us who who have maybe struggled with it for years such as such as myself you know we we obviously get confused about it sometimes so imagine somebody else that maybe we really like and we really respect you know if they were you know to suddenly without any warning just be told

that this is what you experience day in day out you know they may be taken quite quite by surprise about that and it isn't because you know they're a bad person because of that the thing is unless you've experienced OCD yourself it's very it's very hard to understand it so you know this isn't a critique of people who don't understand OCD. It's just the fact that if you haven't been through OCD yourself.

I think it can be incredibly difficult to understand the complexities of it and just how difficult it can be. And so I think us as the people who do struggle with it, a lot of the time we have that in our minds that we think, well, people wouldn't understand this about me. And you know we can hold on to that and think you know all sorts of negative things about it the reality is though that you know if the people that you are close to who you know.

Who do really care about you if they could truly.

Understand what you were experiencing then they would have empathy for you they would completely uh you know like you still respect you still still want to uh spend time with you you know and even if they haven't experienced OCD I think most people are willing to try to understand of course there's always some people really frustrating annoying people who are just judgmental by nature who are never going to understand OCD and those kind of people well let them

get on with it because you can't change that but fortunately I think that most people are willing to try to understand and actually you know that that's enough but a lot of the time we don't even need to to tell people about our struggles with OCD you know I only actually open up to people who are very close to me about it and of course all of you wonderful people out there listening to this because presumably you have OCD too so you know exactly what I'm

talking about so I'm not so worried about sharing that with you but I think you know when we think about our situation with OCD and we hold on to all of that shame what would people think you know they they would think i'm a terrible person or a bad person you know this is this is kind of the opposite of self-compassion and i think over time what this can do is it can kind of it can build up and it can keep us more and.

More stuck and so i think it's it's worth just reflecting on that that actually you know. The people in your life if they'd actually really been through OCD they would completely understand you know what you're going through you know but most most probably they haven't but just because they haven't you know.

It doesn't necessarily mean that they're going to judge you in the way that you you're worried you know that that they are like I say I think most people although they may not fully understand OCD and what you're experiencing, probably they know you as a person. They like you as a person. They value you. They respect you. And so they're not going to cast you aside.

That's just something that I think is a kind of negative viewpoint, a limiting belief that we might hold on to that kind of keeps us in this cycle of shame. And I think if we want to build true self-compassion, This is something that we really need to try to kind of work on.

So one tip that I would like to give you today about this is to actually imagine one of these people in your life who doesn't struggle with OCD, but that you like. And maybe sometimes you worry about what they would think about your OCD and the things that you struggle with. And you're going to do an exercise where you imagine that this person comes to you. And lo and behold, they tell you that actually they've been struggling with OCD in exactly the same way as you for many, many years as well.

And what you're going to do then is you're going to write that person a letter. And this letter is going to be focused on self-compassion. It's not necessarily a letter of advice, you know, telling this person what they should do about their OCD.

Maybe telling them about different techniques of acceptance commitment therapy and you know you can have a little bit of that if you want to but the main thing here is to focus on self-compassion what would you say to that person that you really care about and that you really like if you realize that actually they were struggling with the same thing that you've been struggling with for many years and you know really kind of sit down and reflect on that and imagine that you are actually

writing that letter to them. And the idea here is to obviously write it all out. And, you know, reflect on it. Read it again to yourself. Go over it. Keep it somewhere.

Keep coming back to it because actually what you put down in this letter is exactly what you need to hear yourself when you're struggling with a lack of self-compassion, when you're struggling with that sense of shame, when the OCD is really annoying you and bugging you and telling you that you're a bad person or that you're this or that you're that.

It's very helpful if you have something where you've taken some time to reflect, you've written something down, and actually you pick that thing up and you read it to yourself. It can be really helpful in that moment in learning to let go of that shame and to be a bit kinder with yourself.

So many thanks and really hope that you found that helpful. Please do subscribe for more content like this. And I will see you next time.

Just a quick reminder that if you want to get a free session all you need to do to get that is to head over to my website www.robertjamescoaching.com and there you can leave me a message and we can arrange the free session, and now just a quick reminder of my disclaimer any information that you view on my website Instagram page, Facebook group or anywhere else online or any information that you listen to on the podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be

a substitute for actual medical or mental health advice from a doctor, psychologist or any other medical or mental health professional. Music.