Compassionate Courage: Understanding and Embracing the Challenge of OCD

The OCD and Anxiety Podcast by Robert James Coaching. Music.

Hello and welcome to The OCD and Anxiety Podcast where we explore how to have a more positive relationship with anxiety disorders disorders taking back control so that you can start living the life you choose and not the one chosen by your fears. Music. Hello and welcome to episode 366. I hope that you are doing marvelously well today.

However if you are struggling with OCD or anxiety then you can get a free session with me to get that you can head over to my website which is robertjamescoaching.com and there you can book in for that free session or if you prefer you can send me a message and let me know about what you're struggling with in today's podcast i'm going to be talking about compassionate courage really kind kind of trying to understand and actually really embrace the challenge that the OCD presents to us which is

obviously easier said than done but a big part of that is actually learning how to tap into self-compassion because when we can do that we can actually do all sorts of things that perhaps we've been telling ourselves that that we couldn't do you know and we stop kind of getting in our own way quite so much so this is a really important episode i really hope that you enjoy it and find it helpful if you would like to support the podcast some more and follow

you can head over to instagram and follow and like there my instagram handle is at robertjamescoachinguk. You can also head over to youtube and follow and like there now as well so many thanks guys i really hope that you enjoy if you have any questions do please let me know and off we go.

Here's a quote to get us started and it's by ticked nat ham and it is this compassion is a verb and this is absolutely true unfortunately we you know increasingly we do hear more and more now about compassion for ocd and that's that's important that's really good that more people are speaking about it and recognizing that self-compassion actually is so important because is it really allows us to start accepting more when we're compassionate with ourselves.

We're much more likely to allow imperfection, to allow uncertainty, to allow uncomfortable emotions. You know, this is really what it's all about. And so, of course, it's an area that for a long time people weren't really speaking about. Unfortunately, now they are. are. And as Thich Nhat Hanh is pointing out here in this quote, compassion really is a verb. It's something that we do.

It's an active thing and we have to be actively thinking about it a lot more because given the chance, most people will just focus on the opposite of self-compassion, particularly if you struggle with OCD. The habit that most people have is to tend to kind of beat themselves up to get lost in negative thoughts, all sorts of negative emotions and negative opinions about themselves. We get caught up in judgment, all sorts of things that tend to hold us back.

And so in order to kind of deal with that natural disposition that many people with OCD struggle with, of naturally focusing their attention on the negative. Instead, when we are actively focusing on self-compassion, over time, we really start to kind of see things from a slightly more positive perspective. It doesn't mean that we see everything through rose-tinted glasses. Of course, we still recognize that we have challenges, that there's anxiety, that there's uncertainty.

But when we're more compassionate with ourselves we're much more willing to experience those things and to be kind with ourselves whilst we're going through them and this is obviously a much healthier way to to kind of live our lives here's a another quote by jack cornfield the ancient heart of compassion does not judge it does not say this is right or that is wrong the heart of compassion is the gateway to freedom and again this is a fantastic quote here it's

really kind of talking about non-judgment which actually is a really important part of mindfulness when you hear Jon Kabat-Zinn often known as the godfather of mindfulness he talks about this non-judgmental you're paying attention on purpose non-judgmentally when you're being mindful you're trying to just To just really pay attention in a certain way where you're bringing a quality of non-judgment to whatever's coming up in that moment.

And you're allowing the difficulties of the emotions or the intensities of certain things to just be there without pushing them away, without trying to get rid of them. And in doing so, we're actually giving our body an opportunity to process those things. And our body has enormous intelligence. It knows how to deal with a lot of these difficult emotions when we allow it to. And unfortunately, so often with OCD, we're simply not allowing it to.

We're getting caught up in our thoughts we're problem solving we're trying to get reassurance we're pushing things away and we're not allowing this process to happen you know where the body brings acceptance to difficult emotions and we allow those emotions then to kind of pass on naturally now really that's one of the most uh compassionate things that we can that we can do do for ourselves is actually you know allow ourselves to feel you know our difficult emotions because when we when we can

do that well that really is you know the heart of compassion as jack cornfield points out it's the gateway to freedom when we allow ourselves to feel our difficult emotions well we can suddenly start to do so much more in our lives we we open up uh to to all of life, all of the things that life has to offer us, all of the opportunities that are out there.

Suddenly, we're much more able to take on challenges, to do difficult things, to do the things that really our hearts want to do, you know, to live our life more in line with our values because we're willing to kind of allow some uncertainty in. We're willing to allow anxiety we're willing to allow all sorts of difficult emotions to be there. And when we can do that, of course, our life is going to become more interesting.

We're going to be much more in this kind of hero's journey or this hero's quest, which, you know, really is kind of, in my opinion anyway, when we are able to see life through that kind of lens, you know, through the lens of a positive story or narrative that we're telling ourselves about the challenges that come our way. And we're kind of trying to lean into those things and overcome them and grow from them. And that really is the kind of hero's journey.

And I think if we can view the challenge of OCD in that kind of way, what tends to happen is it moves from being this horrendous, extremely difficult. Immovable in our heads anyway, barrier to our happiness and to our success. And actually, we move past it. We're able to start living our lives in a way that brings actual real joy and authenticity because we're living by our hearts. We're actually choosing to step out there into that discomfort.

Into that uncertainty and, you know, take on the challenge of OCD.

But we're doing it with this compassion in mind and we're recognizing you know that okay there are going to be times where this is still going to be really hard where the OCD might still get the better of me and this is a really important point to to point out you know even when you do start to you know be more compassionate with yourself be more kind with yourself be more more accepting with yourself and you start this process of kind of getting back into your life

through doing exposure work through applying acceptance commitment therapy through living more in the present all of these things actually when you think about it they're all kind of leading us towards being more compassionate with ourselves because they all kind of encourage us to kind of of live our life more by our values and to accept and allow a bit more uncertainty and a bit more anxiety into our lives and as I pointed

out when we're doing that that's actually you know really what self-compassion is of course that that takes a lot of courage and a lot of determination and you know as I was saying before you're not always going to be 100% successful at that you you know, there's going to be times where you do make mistakes. Where perhaps you kind of fall off the path again, or perhaps you have a setback. And it's really important to recognize that actually that is a part of the process.

And so if you're listening today. And you're in the midst of a setback and you're frustrated with yourself. You're getting angry and upset with yourself about that. Remember that it's okay to have these setbacks, that actually when we're compassionate about those as well. And when we recognize that actually we have to go through these setbacks in order to really learn.

To get that experience of the mistakes that we made and how it felt when we made those mistakes, how it felt when we got trapped again by the OCD and what we needed to do to get ourselves back out of that trap perhaps we needed to use diffusion techniques perhaps we needed to kind of meditate on what we were feeling and try to move towards the discomfort a bit more perhaps we needed to have a good conversation with with your therapist or your coach or whoever you're working with but you

know these these kind of difficult moments again if we view them through the lens of compassion actually we can turn them around we can turn them from being something that is you know really horrible and difficult like a setback or you know an obsessive thought that really takes over again and you know we can actually turn that situation around and recognize okay something difficult has happened but actually is there's a lot i can learn from that how can i move on from this

moment and it may just may not even be a setback it may even just be a moment where you recognize that the temptation is there the ocd is whispering in your ear about something and it's trying to persuade you to to kind of go and do that that compulsion go back and check that thing go and look at that thing one more time go and get that reassurance from.

From google and you're very tempted to do it and you feel that temptation that urge to go and get that reassurance because you know if you do perhaps you'll feel a little bit better in the short term and you want to feel good today because today's an important day for you you want you don't want to be having ocd today this is what we tell ourselves no i just don't want to have to to deal with it right now so.

I'm just going to do that compulsion and then I will feel a bit better and then I won't do another compulsion for the rest of the day but we know what happens when we start getting caught up in that kind of thinking so even in those moments when we bring compassion to that situation and when we recognize that actually the compassionate thing to do is not to get that compulsion in that moment if you do do that try not to beat yourself up about it it's It's OK. It's just a little setback.

But if we can, you know, what else can we do in that situation that would be a better thing to do? Can we feel what we're feeling a little bit more? Can we then refocus our attention elsewhere? Can we do some meditation elsewhere? Can you perhaps go for a mindful walk or have a conversation with somebody that will bring you back into the present moment? There's all sorts of things that we can do instead of just performing that compulsion.

And they will also make us feel better, but it's not actually a compulsive thing that we're doing. We're not trying to get rid of the uncertainty.

We're just choosing to refocus our attention or to focus on the uncomfortable feeling itself self and to wait and be patient because when we when we wait and we're patient so often that intense feeling of anxiety that is pushing us to get that certainty well it just goes down of its own accord we just begin to feel better so uh there we go guys i think it's a really interesting thing to talk about having that that kind of courage to really step into compassion when when we're feeling that

urge to perform a compulsion or when we're really kind of struggling. And it's so important that we, you know, that we do kind of give ourself that compassion and that we practice this.

And we just try to recognize that, you know, if we want to get back into our lives and really focus on our values and all the things that are important to us, we really can and so much of it is actually coming back to our hearts learning how to be kinder with ourselves more patient with ourselves less perfectionistic you know all of these kinds of things surprisingly you know they bring all sorts of benefits when it comes to OCD and anxiety so although it is,

For many people, not something that's kind of second nature, no. It's something that I think for a lot of people in our culture. Self-compassion feels like a really kind of alien thing. We're maybe really, really good at being compassionate with other people in our lives, our friends, family.

But when it comes to actually ourselves, we're just not so good at it. We don't really want to do it necessarily.

But actually, when we realize that, you know, know self-compassion is a kind of form of discipline in a way it's about kind of recognizing the things that are uncomfortable in the short term but that are actually going to make us feel better in the long term and trying to commit to those things and if we are able to see it from that perspective then perhaps self-compassion you know becomes a bit of an easier thing to do it's It's not indulgence.

It's actually more to do with a kind of determined, kind discipline that actually brings about the kind of positive changes that we're looking for with things like anxiety and OCD. So there we go, guys. I really hope that you enjoyed. If you have any questions, do please let me know. And I will see you next time.

Just a quick reminder that if you want to get a free session, all you need to do to get that is to head over to my website www.robertjamescoaching.com and there you can leave me a message and we can arrange the free session, and now just a quick reminder of my disclaimer any information that you view on my website Instagram page, Facebook group or anywhere else online or any information that you listen to on the podcast is for informational purposes only only,

and is not intended to be a substitute for actual medical or mental health advice from a doctor, psychologist, or any other medical or mental. Music.