Barriers To Overcoming OCD: Negative Comparisons

The OCD and Anxiety Podcast by Robert James Coaching. Music. Hello and welcome to The OCD and Anxiety Podcast where we explore how to have a more positive relationship with anxiety disorders disorders taking back control so that you can start living the life you choose and not the one chosen by your fears. Music.

Hello and welcome to episode 370. It really feels in Barcelona today like spring is in the air so I hope it is too wherever you are today and if you are struggling with OCD or anxiety as we're moving through the year and you would like to get some help with that then please do feel free to get in touch.

You can head over to my website robertjamescoaching.com there you can book in for that free session directly or if you prefer you can send me a message and let me know about what you're struggling with.

In today's podcast I'm going going to be talking about comparisons and OCD and how comparing ourselves to to other people in all sorts of different ways can actually lead to OCD getting worse over time and we're going to be kind of exploring that what is the impact of that on on OCD and anxiety of course if you find the podcast helpful it would be great if you could follow and like on Instagram on YouTube youtube also i do have patreon for the podcast so if you would like you know a kind of

podcast about a specific issue that you might be struggling with you can sign up for the patreon there's different tiers and you can you can tell me what what episode you would like me to create and i will create that specifically for you in the patreon there's a link in the show notes if you're interested in that so many thanks guys i really hope that you enjoy this one if you have have any questions at all do please let me know and off we go.

To get us started today here's a quote by theodore roosevelt comparison is the thief of joy and so it is with with ocd you know really a big part of self-compassion is learning to to stop judging and comparing ourselves so much really when we are in role as the inner critic critic which is I like to kind of think of the inner critic as the kind of voice of OCD it's this part of us that wants perfection it does not want to allow uncertainty it does not want

to allow difficult emotions to come up and and so it's that constant nagging voice in your ear that devil on your shoulder and it's telling you all of these kind of negative things are making you question everything and it's all to do with kind of comparison and judgment a lot of the the time where we're judging ourselves negatively we're telling ourselves that we can't do this we're not very good at that we're kind of useless compared to other people we struggle with

OCD so we can't do this kind of thing all sorts of negative opinions that we might have about ourselves about OCD about our limitations that we have because we have OCD about the struggles that that we have, all of these things are actually kind of to do with a kind of negative comparison. That we're making with ourselves, you know, and we're kind of really comparing ourselves to other people, to our friends, to our colleagues, you know, to people who don't have OCD.

And, you know, the problem with this is the more that we listen to that inner critic and that that judgmental voice. And the more that we're going to get stuck, we're going to really feel as if we can't kind of get the freedom that we're truly looking for, because we're constantly getting caught up in this kind of judgment game. And what this relates to as well is self-esteem. Self-esteem, the way I view it, is actually how we see ourself compared to other people.

And generally speaking you know it's not a good thing to kind of to kind of build your sense of who you are on because that comparison is going to be changing all the time depending on how well you might be you might be doing on a given given day or a given week you know your boss might be happy with you or you might be doing really well in your relationship that week only the next week your boss gets really upset you've you've done something wrong at work perhaps

you've been having arguments with your partner and suddenly you feel really frustrated you look really down upon yourself that inner critic really pipes up and starts telling you all sorts of negative things you're feeling more stress and because you're feeling more stress than perhaps the OCD is harder to manage and you know when we're too focused on self-compassion sorry not self-compassion on self-esteem really we should be much more focused on self-compassion

because that would lead to to much more kind of joy thinking back to theodore roosevelt's quote there comparison is the thief of joy well self-compassion is the opposite self-compassion is the giver of joy and really that's what we want to uh self-compassion is the thing that we want to be focusing our our attention on. But unfortunately, life is very much in the mode right now of focusing on self-esteem and focusing on comparison.

You know and a big part of this unfortunately is social media now of course this is a form of social media itself listening to podcasts so obviously not all social media is bad I don't think it's bad per se I think it can be useful you know to be on Instagram and follow certain people that you like or you find interesting and you know listen to different podcasts and that kind of thing but also you know social media platforms are set up you know to a certain extent to to make you

get these little dopamine hits of of information and often it's to do with triggering you in certain ways to make you feel envious or jealous or to make you compare yourself to other people because that kind of makes you you stick around and so these social media kind of networks most of them are are built in the same way you have these really smart intelligent people People, they're not bad per se, they're just kind of setting up their social media network in a way to make,

to get the most eyeballs and to keep people looking at their kind of content. And of course, the way in which they do that is often through outrage. It's through, you know, providing content that hits certain emotional markers in people and makes them keep coming back for more. But often it does have a lot to do with comparison. We're comparing ourselves negatively on social media. We're seeing all these beautiful people. Often the pictures that people put up are filtered.

Increasingly, there's more pictures with AI and things like that. So you have these really...

You know idealized perceptions of of people's lives and you know how people are living and often you know the reality is that a lot of those people are not really living the happy lives that they appear to be in their social media feed but of course when we are just scrolling through we don't know that and we just see them we think wow look at their life their life is amazing you know If I compare that to my life with OCD where I'm struggling every day and I have to do diffusion techniques just

to stay present and I'm doing exposure activities and it's really difficult and why can't my life be more like that? Of course, then we're getting caught up in that comparison and we're seeing ourselves negatively. We are kind of telling ourselves a really negative story and narrative. You may have heard me talking about that a lot before in the podcast where, you know, the narrative and the story that we're telling ourselves about OCD and our lives is so important.

If we're getting caught up in a kind of negative story, a kind of poor me story that I can't overcome this, I'm stuck and other people, you know, they're lucky, they're happy, they're living these great lives. But that can never be me because I have OCD. Unfortunately.

You know when we get caught up in that kind of thinking it is a narrative and we do begin to play it out in our lives and you know beginning to to recognize that that narrative and take action to kind of change it can be really really helpful but one of the ways in which you can do that is actually by becoming more aware of when you're getting caught up in comparisons when you are you you know, when that inner critic is,

you know, very negatively, you know, looking at your life and looking at the people in it and looking at your social media feed and, you know, and it's comparing yourself and, and it's coming up with lots of negatives. It's kind of putting you down in comparison to those other people. Then obviously, you know, that, that is you getting caught up in too much self-esteem.

I'm not saying self-esteem is bad per se, by the way, you know, Of course, everybody needs to develop a sense of self-esteem, like kind of what they're good at compared to other people. Children in particular, when they're growing up, they need to really understand the particular skills that they have and to understand their kind of place in a social structure and society.

And that can be very, very helpful. So it's not it's not just kind of positive thinking and just blindly believing that you're amazing at everything and telling yourself that story. No, we're reflecting honestly. And, you know, of course, we're going to notice the areas in which we can develop and improve in the areas in which maybe compared to other people, we're not quite so yet. We're not quite so good at.

You know, it's healthy to be able to see those things and to reflect honestly with yourself without getting too caught up in, you know, in it being a big, big problem. But if you're doing it all the time, if this is something that you're doing all day long because you're going on social media too much, then, you know, it can be a problem.

And if you're noticing as well that your inner critic is very loud, that you're ruminating a lot day in day out well that's also a sign that you're too caught up in comparisons and actually learning how to bring more self-compassion to the table particularly when it comes to these things is going to really help you in general with OCD because the more compassionate we are with ourselves the more understanding we are the more that when that inner critic pipes up and tells

you hey you're not very good at this you're terrible compared to these people why are you like this why do you have to have have OCD you know we're able to actually bring some kindness to that we're able to to say well thank you inner critic but not right now I don't need to listen to that negativity thank you very much and you might notice that I'm being a bit ironic here I like to say thank you sometimes to the inner critic because this part of us this comparing part of us,

it's not necessarily against us. It may feel like that at times because it's. It's so negative and judgmental, but really this part of us is trying to, to help in a misguided way. It doesn't want you to make mistakes because it wants you to be okay. It wants you to be safe. And it fears that if you make mistakes on a regular basis, then, you know, that's going to cause you a problem that, you know, people won't respect you as much or you're going to have issues in the future or whatever it is.

And so, you know, this part of our brain, this inner critic, it isn't necessarily against us. It's just a bit misguided and sometimes it needs to be put in its place. And this is where the balancing act of self-compassion comes in. You know, self-compassion involves two parts. It involves kindness, being kind and gentle with yourself, you know, But it also involves this kind of stern discipline where we need to be able to kind of say to the inner critic, no, not now, thank you.

And also, we need to be able to focus our attention in a disciplined way on things that are actually much more important. Our values and, you know, refocusing our attention onto the present and really determining to do that, to recognize that we do have a choice when it comes to that kind of thing.

We don't have to be just going around in circles stuck in that OCD cycle I know it feels like you do have to be doing that because it's so difficult and this is the nature of OCD it can be very hard to break out of that cycle but you really can you do have the ability to do it we just need to start practicing taking action each day you know when we do recognize that we're caught up in negative judgment to just try to suspend it for a moment or two to

to come back to the present moment to actually stand up to that kind of inner bully that inner critic and say no not today not right now thank you and then really think about what else can i actually do right now what is something positive i can do instead of actually just sitting here ruminating and winding myself up with this kind of inner critic can I refocus my attention onto a value can I can I call somebody that I care about

can I go and do some exercise can I do a meaningful activity of some sort and refocus my attention onto that thing and just try to allow the difficult emotion that might be there in the background to just be there you know and the more that you're able to do this and practice with this of just. Number one, recognizing when you're getting caught up in negative comparisons. And number two, being able to kind of refocus your attention onto something else more healthy.

I think that might really help in terms of, you know, developing healthier habits when you're getting caught up in kind of obsessive thinking. Of course, social media can be a big part of this too. So, you know, maybe reflecting on that could be helpful. But yeah, there we go, guys. I really hope that you enjoyed that one. If you have any questions at all, do please let me know.

And if you would like to sign up for the Patreon, as I was saying before, you can ask for a particular podcast episode that will be exclusively for Patreon people. So if you would like to kind of get that, then you can sign up. There's a link in the show notes. And yeah, that's it for today, guys. I really hope that you enjoyed and I will see you next time.

Just a quick reminder that if you want to get a free session all you need to do to get that is to head over to my website www.robertjamescoaching.com and there you can leave me a message and we can arrange the free session and now just a quick reminder of my disclaimer any information that you view on my website instagram page facebook group or anywhere else online or any Any information that you listen to on the podcast is for informational

purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for actual medical or mental health advice from a doctor, psychologist or any other medical or mental health professional. Music.