You see, something's going to happen. What's going to happen? What?
What's up? Everybody?
Welcome to another episode. So happy to have you here. Have a fantastic guest. Kind of met him through mutual friends.
His name is Nick. He's from the Occult Rejects. Nick. How's it going, man?
Very good, very good, Thank you, thank you for having me on. And I was sorry about the issue with the originally.
So it's all good. It's all good.
You know, things happen when they when they're supposed to happen. I feel like, so you know, when you're when you're more prepared for certain things, or something maybe happens in between the time of.
That needed to happen.
You know what I mean.
You probably got a calmer moment at nine o'clock in the morning, so it might be better.
Yeah, maybe, yeah, a little bit more relaxed.
Oh man, So if you don't mind, let the listeners know who you are, a little bit about yourself in where.
They can find you and all that stuff.
Yes, the Occult Rejects podcast that's on Bitch You Rumble YouTube and all major podcast right now. Like if you were to go check it out now, it's basically like a conglomerate of a bunch of people. Not everybody has their own podcasts. Some of them are authors, some of them like have their own outlets or blogs, but some of them are podcasts as well, but as well. But it's probably like a group of like I don't know, by now, like close to fifteen people, but not everybody
comes on. It's kind of, you know, we used for different topics and different things, but it has kind of become like its own eggregor in a sense. So you know, that's just you know, you will see other people just besides the little core group of the occult rejects.
You'll see how the show is joining us.
We cover topics on occultism, paranormal true crime if it you know, happens to touch in occultism. Also like a lot of like megaliths, like even like science, because I do think certain things that we covered in science I think is almost kind of like showing you magic. So we do, you know, cover a lot.
Of that type of stuff as well. Nice man, So oh you go ahead, go ahead.
I was just gonna ask you what what got you interested in starting the show?
Uh?
I have to take it back a long time ago prior to like twenty ten. Oh wow, oh no, no, no, I'm just gonna say that I wasn't podcasting that, but I'm just right to take back to around like I don't know, two thousand nine, I started to get.
Into like.
Conspiracies, and as soon as I got into the stuff, it was like a lot of Jordan, Maxwell, Passio, Tasari and David like the Project Camelot. You know a lot of them sometimes are focus on occultism, a lot of them, some of those focused on it a lot, and so that interested me, and I guess, you know, like I guess all of us the podcast is most of us that are into this shit.
I'm assuming like as we listen to the other people.
That we you know, we came across before we saw a podcasting, you know, like you kind of start like looking down, you start researching some of the stuff they talk about. And I started getting heavily into just like kind of looking into the occultism, the secret societies, and uh, you know, It's a few years goes by and like,
you know, just one day it just hits me. I'm like I've been like looking at all this stuff, like studying these orders, these names who supposedly started this, where the fuck it was?
This and that?
And I'm like, I still don't know what the hell magic is. I was like, what the I really, I still don't understand it. I don't get it. I'm just I just know all these names in these places and these horrible people.
Uh So I was like, maybe I.
Should have start getting it to it myself, well, like start reading up on it, like more like actual stuff than ocultist would read. And I started to get into a few like magic books and started reading them, and even I started seeing contradictions between people's stuff, like if I remember correctly, you know, if I'm wrong, I'm sorry,
but I think it was Donald Michael Craig. You had like twelve or it's called twelve or thirteen Lessons in High Magic, and he had the liber Russian there, which is Rush is a it's a prayer that Alista Crowley wrote, and I had that that his writing. I think it's just a few pages. I forgot whatever, it's the Libra Rush.
I had that.
I printed it out and then it was like, this isn't the same It's sound in the same order.
So I was like, wait, you know what the fuck.
I was like, I guess, like now you even got to worry about whose book you're reading. And I was like, maybe I should just like see if this place is near me. I was in New York, so I was like, I'm sure there's probably something out here that I could like start going to. And I knew from kind of getting into the magic community or the cult community, you know, reading books, are joining like Facebook.
Groups or just you know, watching YouTube videos.
There were some people that I had, you know, started to become friends with, and I was told by somebody I knew that was a freemason. They were like, if you don't even ball the for occultism or magic, because they probably take you forever to get there. They said, you know, look into like the OTO, the Golden Dawn Martinists, maybe like in one or two other names. And the only thing near me that was even an option was happened to be the OTO, and it was about twenty
five minutes away. I know I had mentioned before I had rash and I did have some of Crawley's stuff. I just before we go forward, I don't put that guy up on a pedestal. I'm pretty sure he did some fucking twisted, weird shit. But I think when it comes to a cultism, he was a genius. And I also do think he understood science and the eyeball on the brain, and I think they believe it or not.
I think that's deeply encoded in his work. Uh but uh so, I just want to say, like I, I honestly would have rather have gone to probably the Golden Dome, That's what I was hoping, something like that was a little bit more academic school. Yeah, and I was like, fuck it, I'll just go with the OTO, I'll go
check it out. When I found them online wherever I found them to contact them, I think they had kind of like a calendar that had stuff with like things that are coming up, so you could see like if you wanted to go or not, or I guess even for the members to check out. And I saw that they were having a Gnostic mass. They tended to have one like every week on the weekends, and I think there was one like.
A few weeks away, and I was like, all right, I'll think I'll go to that one.
And I emailed them because they had a contact and told them I wanted to come to the Gnostic mess. Then and they were like, oh, just email us that day or the day before and let us know. It's like, you know, it's already ahead in the future, just let us know that. I was like all right, sure, and I'm thinking, like, all right, let me see if I can find anything about this gnostic mess And I was like, oh, there's a video on YouTube. I was like, not bad.
It was a little weird, it was a little different, but I was like I can handle this for sure. You not a problem. So then like the day Calmes and uh, I send them the email and then they descend you directions and everything coming from all multiple areas.
And uh, I'm like, I'm like reading him.
He gets weird at first, but then when I explained it, you'll be like all right. But like it tells you at first, it's like, uh, it gives you the address and how to get there. And then it's like, you know, there's a park across the street, so go like stand over by the benches that over near the park, and there should be people over there and somebody will come out and get used. And I was like, Yo, what the fuck is this? I was like, ooh, this sounds sketchy as shit. I was like, why did stand out
of the fucking said. I'm like, all right, I'm gonna go there, and it's twenty minutes twenty five minutes away, so I'm like, fuck it, let me just go see what's up. I get over in that area, and that you do see like a bunch of people kind of look like it would look like they're hanging out by the park outside the gate, next to the bench, and I was like, they all look gothering b all. So I'm assuming that's for the fucking oto. So I was like, all right, there'll be other people there. You know, I
won't get kidnapped by myself. There's probably a chance, you know, I got a shot, I might get away. So I over there, you know, waiting with the other people. And then this is when I collecked and I realized what the problem was. The the after fact, I realized, this is an apartment in the basement of apartment building that they rented out that they turned into a temple. It's also a gated technically, like a gated building, you can't get in that apartment building unless you have the key
to get in the fucking door. So they have to come out and open up the gate to let you in. So like, once I realized what was going on there, I was like, Okay, this just is weird. But it's not weird weird, it's just the situation of the building. But I went in and uh, you know, eventually they start up the Gnostic mass, and that was a little bit different. I will say it was a little bit different then it was what was on YouTube. I didn't think. It never dawned on me that there might be nudity
in it, and YouTube can't show nudity. So at some point, titties came out, and I was like, oh, what the fuck's going on? I don't remember this from YouTube, you know. Like I'm standing there, like if you'd like see how the Gnostic masses. It's just like two rows of people on and like there's like you know, the people that are doing it, and I'm just like standing there and
it's like I'm just like looking. I'm like looking at the people next in front of me, and I'm like looking to the side and I'm like, yo, it was this like eyes wide shut, it's just gonna turn into the and I'm like looking around. I'm like, yo, if this gets any fucking weirder. I'm getting the fuck out of here. I was like, I'm just gonna walk out, fuck it. And I'm like looking at him like there's gona look like anybody's gonna try to stop me anyway.
So I know they didn't get weirder.
Uh, But I I stayed, obviously, I stayed for about another five or six years after that. I will say though, the next thing I went to after that was not actually a Gnostic mass. I think it was like a candle fucking a class on candle spelled candle making. But uh, yeah, so I mean that that was my first experience I went to a Gnostic mass.
Uh. I ended up like that.
I did find it interesting again that the nudity or the titties just still like throw me off. And it was just I don't know, it's just like when you start getting into shit like that, you're like, well, you gotta.
Draw a fun line somewhere. I think, I don't know.
It was just like, you know, you're talking about magic and secret society, and now you got tits out, like it's going towards the you know, the the the way people already look at it.
It's fucking weird and perverted. I was like, oh, fuck, where are you going there? Like first first ship, but uh, the first day there.
But there was a lot of stuff I had noticed on that calendars and you know, classes that they offered, stuff on history, stuff on people, stuff on like talismans against you know, candle magic. So I was like, all right, this things here that I could probably keep coming to. And you didn't have to be a member. There's unless it's a closed meeting. That's another thing too. You could just go off the streets and if at the time it was like a fight all donation, you throw five bucks in that.
Fucking cup, they don't give a fuck.
Who the fuck you will, you know, gonna show it, come on it, you know, as long as you don't go crazy kill anybody. You know, they're they're trying to make money themselves. So you know, like so like I didn't have to become a member. I mean I eventually did, obviously, but at that time, I was like, all right, I could come here and it's like I really don't have to get involved to become a member, And there's plenty of things that I could probably just get you know,
learn from. But the main thing for me really was actually being around people that practice because I didn't know anybody personally, like physically in my own life. I knew people from online. So I was like, all right, at least I can come here and like someone that everybody was completely weird. I was like, I could probably like get ideas, learn, bounce things off of people, see what works for them, see their experiences. So, you know, like I said, I ended up staying for a few degrees.
I did a few initiations. Eventually I was there for about six years. Uh what eventually made me leave? Well, COVID came and they closed. They crumbled to the CDC, and I was like, that's fucking weird, because, like, you know, Jesus has got his doors open. What are you saying, Like Jesus is Jesus has got more balls and horse You guys go on and on and on on about wors a mighty warrior and this motherfucker's dude scared they
got his doors open for this shit. Come on, man, Oh, if you if you have such magicians and witches, why don't you just like what's I'm banishing fucking.
COVID spell on yourself? Like come on, man, like just fucking.
Stupid, you know, and uh, And then they started going on, this is so fucking funny because they use like ninety three. It's like a numerical value for like certain things. It's used a lot, Like that's even how people will say hi and.
Yeah, yeah Crowley, he uses ninety three.
Yes, yes, yes.
And they even sent out an email saying that like ninety three percent of the lodge is uncomfortable going there unless they're fucking vaccinated. I'm like, that's a fake fucking number, because first off, you didn't ask me. He didn't ask Jason, you didn't ask Michael, he didn't ask fucking Jordan. So I don't know how the fuck that's ninety three fucking percent. You just said ninety three. So these fucking clowns and these colt minded motherfuckers think it's cute and go along with it.
Mm hmm.
And I was like, yo, now you're fucking suggesting vaccinations.
Get the fuck out of here. I'm not going Yeah, And.
Then they started doing zoom meetings and I was like, you know what, And at this point I probably wasn't even going to that lodge for about six months because I was just now I wasn't comfortable anyone where I had my We'll get into it if we have time or if you want to. I had my own magical experiences to where I was like, I don't think that place emulates where the fuck I'm going or the experiences I had. It seems to emulate more of the vices of the handcuffs that you need to get rid of
to have a magical experience. So I really wasn't going that much anymore. But then like they started doing these zoom meetings. I was like, you know what, I'll it's COVID, nothing's open, nothing the fuck to do anyway.
I'll jump on and listen to these things regardless.
And I did that for like maybe a few weeks, and then like all of a sudden, that George Floyd shit happened. No, and they send out a fucking email asking if we want to like have like some group meaning thing about George Floyd, and I'm like, looking at this shit, I'm like, yo, this has nothing to do with the oto of magic, and they are like very much like you know, if anybody knows how alcoholics anonymous works, and I'm sure narcotics Anonymous is the same.
Shit.
We're not here to talk about anything except alcohol. We're not here to talk about politics, religion. You know, we're alcohol and getting sober all that other shit we can't really have an opinion on. They're supposed to be the same way. So why the fuck are we talking about George Floyd? Because like you want to start getting old fleamic and do what that will? That motherfucker whatever happened to him, I hate to say, it didn't change my life or affect me at all, So why the fuck
are we having a meeting over this? And I was like, let me go to this ship for ships and giggles, you know, I gotta listen to this fucking silly shit. And it turned into like some kumbai a fucking group therapy session about like people experiencing racism. I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. I was like, the funniest thing in here is that there's only one motherfucking black dude in this lotch to begin with, So like,
where are we even going with this? Like maybe maybe we should acknowledge that, you know, it was just fucking silly. I was like, where the fuck one black dude in this whole fucking the whole meeting the whole zoom. I'm like, this is fucking fun. It was just weirdest shiit to me. And I was like, yo, why And then all of a sudden, they like want to like push the idea of like, oh, does anybody want to like go and protest? Maybe we can start, you know, Like I was like, Yo, we're gonna go.
We're not gonna have meetings because of COVID, but we're all gonna get together on the street.
I wanted to say that, but I was like, you know, I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut because I was gonna be like, yo, so the lodge is fucking closed, but you guys want to go out and stand out in the streets and around what the fuck.
Is wrong with you? And I was just like yo.
I was like never again, and I stopped, uh, stopped listening to you know, the emails.
Everything. I was just I was done.
And because of that, I was just like, between that and having my own magical experience, I was already kind of like almost out of like kind of getting out of that lifestyle. And I was like, you know, let me go back to what I like used to be interested. And I was like gonna go back to conspiracies and you know this and that, and started going back to the stuff that I was into before I got heavily
into that. And I don't know if it was just like me starting to pay attention to the world around me instead of like magic and rituals and reading books and going to the OTO. I was just like, Yo, the cult symbolism and magic is like fucking like rampidly blatant. I was like, like, was it always like this or did I just not notice? Like did it get bad in the last few years. I was like, it's fucking unreal, especially politics, I thought, even both sides, Democrats and the Republicans.
When Trump was going against Biden, I was like, Yo, the symbolism when both of them the shit they're saying, the numbers are using, I'm like, Yo, this is fucking insane. So I was like, yo, I gotta I just started a podcast because of like my experiences with the OTO and how I saw like, you know, cult symbolism being basically just fucking.
All over the place everywhere.
Yeah yeah, then uh yeah, I mean it really just it started off with me like talking into a like a microphone and recorded myself on the computer. I wasn't even using a camera and just releasing it out on Sprinker and bit shoot, you know, sit in my kitchen too.
Now it's you know, something completely different. But it started off basically with me, like I was telling you prior prior to the show, like how they get you when you want to talk about like initiation shit, or like certain stuff you're not supposed to repeat just because those those books get copyrighted. And like when I first started coming out, I covered the degrees.
You know, they took them down, but.
Like when I I originally came out, it was like trying to I guess I was very mad at the OTO because I even feel like they did they lie to you, but when it comes to magic, they really don't tell you what the fuck it's about. So I think, like if you have a magical experience, it might like rock your fucking core or even fucking drive your mad because you're like, wait, this is magic, Like dying is a part of magic.
Like why did the fuck didn't you tell me that?
You know what I'm saying, Like what That's not what I thought it was, Like, I don't know, it's just hard to explain like you should really tell people like what the fuck like is actually gonna happen if you do have this experience. And I was just kind of like, I guess butt hert over that shit. And uh I was kind of very against the OTO. I mean again, I don't agree with them now anyway, but uh so I did a lot of stuff trying to like I
guess shit on them and cover a cult symbolism. And then eventually, like I started working with somebody lux at the time, I probably had him. He was the co host for the Occult Rejects like the first year and a half, and we like would cover a secret society's and a cult symbolism taro and stuff. But uh it's basically how like it came to be because of my experience in the OTO, realizing I didn't want to be
there anymore having a magical experience. I just was just like, Yo, this ship is fucking all over the world and it's like fucking controlling everybody.
Yeah, and I was.
Like I should probably uh maybe I saw a podcast a bit about it.
It was around the same time too that I like, you know, how like that.
There was probably a fun ton of shows that all came out within like the same six months.
Seem like everybody just had the same idea. I was around in that time too, Yeah.
Yeah, as because I started in the spring of twenty one, and like pretty much everybody that I know started around that time too, right after COVID, or a lot of people started during COVID. But as my podcast kind of like came about in the same way. I didn't become a member of any group, but I just was like I was listening. I was into conspiracy since nine to eleven.
I was like, oh yeah, yeah, I was thirty.
I was twelve thirteen when nine to eleven happened, and I was watching it on TV in my living room when I got home from school, and I remember seeing some things that I was just like, this doesn't seem right, like why and then the building falling straight down when the top of it should have just fallen over, you know what I mean. So right then and there, I was like, that's weird. But I didn't think too much of it. But the more what I and I didn't
listen to podcasts for I thought podcasts were stupid. I was like, who the fuck wants to sit there and listen to two people or a group of people, or want even one person just like have conversations and talk about certain things.
I was like, I was like, that sounds silly.
And then in twenty twenty, when nothing was happening and the radio was fucking played out and I had the same playlist for like two years, I was like, all right, let's let's get into some podcasts.
I guess let's see what this is all about.
I started listening to podcasts and I found I started listening to a lot of conspiracy stuff. And then I found through the conspiracy podcasts, I found some paranormal podcasts. And I had paranormal experiences growing up, and yeah, I had a couple as an adult too, some scary ones. And so I was like, you know what I want to talk to people about, you know, conspiracies and ghosts and fucking Bigfoot and shit like that. I was like, so,
let's let's just do that. I was like, I'm not looking to freaking and somebody one of my friends.
Were like, what do you think you're going to be Joe Rogan?
And I was like, I'm fucking not even trying for that, Like I'm not looking for fame.
I just want to talk to people like that. I just want to talk to people about their experiences with all this shit. That's all I want.
That's because I can't start a conversation with Joe Schmoe and them fucking stare at me like I'm fucking retarded.
You know, I guarantee those people aren't purely happy what they're doing anyway.
I agree.
But yeah, it's funny too because I get more support from people I don't know.
So well.
That's even another thing too with the cole Reji. Actually, be told you probably two thirds of the people on there were fans that eventually I brought onto the show and even started the wrong podcast or even sarted the wrong podcast. I had two or three people tell me they started the podcast because of the show or because of me, and then I sort of bringing them on and they just became part of the show as well.
So nice.
Yeah, it is pretty wild. Hell, actually, yeah, most of that show is actually people. They're a good chunk of it was people are just listeners. And I was like, goo, let's making it happen.
That's awesome, that's awesome. Good for you, that's that's cool. So I don't really know a whole lot of about the oto. I've heard it a few times and once I like owls, so I have one fucking right here on my fucking throat. So once I started hearing about it, I was like, uh, it's like literally right after I got the the this tattoo that I started hearing more and more about it, and I was like, oh, ship, maybe I.
Shouldn't have done that.
He's controlled.
Grove. And then and then I've found out that the Batman symbol is like a Masonic kind of thing, and I was like, fucking a, So now I got a fucking tattoo that people are going to be like, oh, he's controlled opposition, blah blah, blah blah. He's got an owl on his throat and a fucking Batman tattoo on his arm, Like fucking how Masonic and fucking occultic?
Can you get the symbol?
All my tattoos blatantly a cult? I can't even hide him. They are a cult.
Yeah, so.
Do you fucking so you go to this this first meeting and then you end up becoming yeah.
Yeah when six years later I left, Yeah, so uh freaking it's it's in resting how all of this ship goes back to like sexual ship.
Like like you said, like titties started coming out and the first time, the first time you you were there.
You know what's funny is that when I when someoney did like I was going to ask to join anyway eventually, Yeah, because all this stuff, but it was funny how like when somebody mentioned it, I realized that after fact, I was like, it's funny. How was the priestess that I saw the first time at my ot O meeting? She's I saw her titties. Yeah, I just found a way the first chick that I saw her tits. So now
the one asking me, are you going to join? And you know, tell me, you know, you take the paperwork, I'll sign it for you, and I'm like fox.
She's like, do you want to see my Yeah, you want to see him?
I was even saw like a pig.
But I was like, she is like the only one here that's kind of even worth looking at, oh ship, Well at least at least then she was.
No. No, I mean that I think of God's gift to the world.
It was it was actually just weird, and it was that was old, always a weird and uncomfortable situation to the point that when you're there for a while, especially if you start taking degrees, they might expect you like, you know, would you like to get involved, would you like to do something? You know, could you maybe do something in the mass, or could you do a class?
They'll start asking you and like, I I'm normally not I don't want to stop being broaded or asked to do things, so I'm like, you know what, I know it's gonna eventually come.
I'll just find something to do with myself.
And they started having like issues with like, you know, not people may not always show up or they can't always get everybody to do a mass, so they may not be able to do it. And a child they call a child. There's two of them that are in the mass. You're basically one person is represented. You're basically representing the pillars of the tree, and one of them will hold salt and water and the other one will hold an incense burner and incense, and you follow the
priests and the priestess around throughout the mass. They had like a lot of openings for that, and at that time they are like basically like as long as you can learn what.
You have to do, you can start doing it.
At some point you had to get baptized and confirmed in order to be able to do it.
But at first, you know, that's how it was.
And I was like, yeah, I think somebody was like, would you ever be interested in doing it? I think because like they were, you know, kind of short handed. I was like, yeah, you know what, I'll actually do that because like you know, now I'll start getting involved
and they won't ask me to do anything. And one of the reasons why this is sound cheesy, long drawn ass story to tell you this is that when you're the child, by the time she's get the chick is going to take off her shit and take out a tits. I'm my backage to her and I'm looking at everybody else. So I was like, now I can't actually avoid the whole fucking awkward situation. And I'll just sit there with my incense and burning on my water and salt and
she's got a tits out. I don't have to look at anything.
It sounds like fucking cheasy vanilla prove.
But I was just like it was just fucking weird because it's just like, yo, like, now I'm hanging out with you after the fact you have your clothes on, or like next week I'm gonna be like talking to you and like one day you're just gonna be up there again with your tits hanging out.
It was just like fucking weird, you know.
I was just like, yeah, it's like I hate I don't want to look at him either, you mean I want to look at me?
I get it.
One time enough Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was enough. Believe So if you.
Don't mine, I'd love to hear this, uh, the magical experience you had.
Oh yeah, I do believe I have crossed the abyss. I mean that is something I claim on my own show. I do think that is like for a magician if they're I hate going into black and white magic, but if you're actually trying to do something to better yourself, I think that's that's what magic is, is going to be crossing the abyss and and having an experience with the Source or God or whatever people want to call it. I call it God the Source. That's what the magician. Technically,
that's what a magician is supposed to be doing. There's their whole means is supposed to have, you know, become union, have union with God and uh I started. I I do believe I had that experience across the Abyss and pretty much like changed my life and even change the way I look at even magic anymore. And the crazy thing is, I mean I can go into it too,
you know I will. But when I had these like serious magical experiences, I had one that I think it was like getting kind of close there that I actually did a ritual like I was doing ritual work and it wasn't even anything crazy. I was basically like, people may not understand when I say this now, because if they don't practice magic, the probably like I don't know
what the fuck it just said. But I was using like I always use the cabalistic tree of Life for the most part when I do my rituals, and I was working with net SoC or Venus or it was kind of more of like a hath or idea, but a lot of times I was also using whatever, like the God the idea of God in that sphere. So a lot of times I near the end wis I was doing rituals. A lot of my work was actually to God and not actually specific deities anymore.
It was almost like prayers and theorgy.
You know, I had kind of a little bit of an interesting experience, and then I stopped because I thought it was like a little weird. And then eventually I was like, you know what, I'll go back into meditating. And now what I want to get in to my magical experience is this literally was just for meditating.
No rituals were done or anything. And that was, like, you.
Know, it blew me away because I was like, yo, I didn't even do a ritual and this shit was more intense than like anything I've ever experienced. But you know, I and another thing I do want to say before I forget, and I'm going to get into it though, but like you know, the whole death and rebirth, I do believe in a sense, and I know it sounds crazy, it sounds like a little scary. I'm not saying it to get like you know, edgy points or whatever, but you know, I do believe that death is actually a
part of magic. You know, they talk about the death and the rebirth. I think it's a little bit more literal than people would like to actually think. I mean, I remember, even as a child, I would hear stuff about like monks of these people that supposedly would be able to go into these meditations and would seem as if they're dead.
That shit's real.
I not that I have done it, but like if you were to see the movie flat Liners, that's just a cheat code. That's just like instead of going into the meditation and spending all this time, I'll just put myself out and bring myself back. You're releasing the soul from the flesh and you're having an experience in the you know, the other world. That's what I actually think is happening. So like I I eventually, like when I had my experience a lot of times with meditating, I had.
Like certain basics that I would do. Uh. I'd normally was sit in a chair. It had a flat back.
I made sure that the back was completely flat, and I put my hands on my on my legs and just keep them straight.
It's called the god post.
It's like the easiest way to meditate besea. It's like laying on your bed on your back.
You know.
I was do something a little bit different than just laying on the bed. I'll do this, and I got kind of used to it, and so I would meditate there and a lot of times, like I always had like the same routines that I would go through just to kind of like get my I guess my senses going or balanced whatever before I would do a ritual.
But I wasn't gonna do the rich.
I was just gonna go through my meditations, and so I would like sometimes like sit there. And people who practice or even witches would probably even do this a lot.
For meditation.
You kind of picture like a white light coming down into you and then like moving through your body and then flowing into the ground or back and forth. You know, just stuff like that, or like just like stuff coming in and trying to like keep your eyes closed and actually envision like a form of your body filling up with.
White light and then going into the ground. I would do that for a while.
You'll move it up and down, and you know, I've said before, and I've heard other people say too, that I do believe that when you start getting really good at that, from my experience, you could even feel like the heat or something as you're visualizing the light moving
throughout your body. It's gonna sound crazy, but especially in my legs, if I have a village, you visualized it like I could almost like literally, as I'm picturing the light going through my legs, I could almost feel like a burning sensation going down my legs.
As I'm picturing. Wow.
Yeah, And I do think that so you start to actually get some like the mind can make the body believe that isn't real, you know what I'm saying. So I do think that you're almost starting to get to that, to there, I mean your mind, if your mind, and I'm gonna even say this is how I think a lot of conspiracy theories and a bullshit actually take off.
I hate to say it. Your mind will if it's afraid of.
Something and doesn't understand something, it will fucking lie to you and make sense of it just so you can preserve your ego and then flip the fuck out. So uh, you know, we're just saying how strong the brain is. So like I would do that and then like once I felt like that that was good, then I would start going into my chakras and I would start like visualizing and aligning my chakras. I would start trying to focus on them for me, and you'll hear other people
that are into that stuff. For a while, it sounds crazy. I always thought it was bullshit too when I first started getting into it, But I will shit you not. You can steel those motherfuckers. They feel like little spinning Tasmanian devils. It's like a little bull like. So I would try to focus on them and like kind of I don't know. I was just like put pressure on them or focus on them for a while and just
go up and down a little bit. And then there'd be times that I I think I got this out of a book Hold the Wheels of Time or something like that, by energy of Judith or something somebody, the lady that was big into chakras, and I think she might be like into the lima. So I had her book and she would talk about pulling like the top one in the bottom one, like trying to visualize that
to straighten it out, and this and that. So I would do stuff like that, and then sometimes I answer all that like I would just try to go into a meditation either just like let my mind kind of like empty out.
And another thing I want to say for people when.
They're like, oh, meditating, that sounds like a fucking boring and sucks. I don't even think about not thinking about anything. That's not gonna happen you try to cut out the one hundred, you know, leave yourself with ten voices instead of one hundred.
That's actually like that's progress of meditation for me.
Meditation normally would actually try to normally focus on.
One idea and hold on to it and keep going with it.
Believe it or not, a lot of times for like magicians or occultists, Like it's not clearing the mind.
It's like you're using.
Meditation to try to get lost in an idea and thought to figure something out, gain knowledge from it, or to get like lost in the image that you're viewing with your eyes closed.
That's my opinion.
Uh So, like I'm not trying to go completely you know, blank in the mind. And at this point I had remembered because of the prior, the prior experience I had that I said, got like a little weird.
Just to sum that up real quick.
It was like all of a sudden, like I had my eyes closed and I got like a flash of white and it felt like I like stepped into like an HDTV and it just looked like I was like standing in a pyramid, and I was starting to think about like where am I or who am I?
And then all of a sudden, it's like I snapped out of it.
But it was like really weird, and it was like so like high definition and grainy and the.
Colors are almost like thermal cam. It was fucking bizarre, dude. It was.
It was yeah, but it was just like yo, like it was so fucking real, and I didn't have my body. It was just like I was hovering in the scene. So like, you know, that kind of weired me out. I was like, all right, maybe I'll calm down with the rituals. I'm I'm gonna be totally awesome. I'm like, maybe I'm doing something. I don't know what the fuck
I'm getting into. Ill shit, you not. I was like, I don't, I don't know, you know, how to fuck do I even know that these rituals are okay that I'm even doing, Like, you know, all this shit's going through my head.
So I was like, I'll just stick to basics and just meditate. That should be, you know, safe, you would think.
So. But prior to that one thing that I remembered, and I mean, it's my own fault, fucking fault too, because I was like, before that experience happened, you know. I would sometimes like, if I'll do all that meditating, then I'll do my ritual. And then sometimes in the middle of the ritual, when I want to do whatever I want to do or ask God whatever I want to ask God for, what to pray or whatever, I'll go through like more meditation again, and sometimes I'll play
with my chakras. And this time I was pushing on the panial one kind of hard, just like holding it. That sounds crazy, I'm fuckers pushing on this panial fucking whatever. I'm kind of like holding it. You can feel it. And for me, I normally it's like I will put my eyes up like almost cross eyed, towards my panial gland, and it's like as I'm feeling that, but as I'm doing that, you can really feel it for me. So I was kind of like focusing and pressing on it.
And I had realized before that explosion of white. When I was doing that, it seemed like and if people meditate, maybe they'll.
Get this idea, they'll understand what I'm saying.
When you close your eyes for a while, I don't know if it's maybe because you do get stuck getting loose in your head and not so much in the outer world. You don't see It's like it will be dark, but I feel like ten minutes into a meditation will be even.
Darker with your eyes closed. That that makes sense to anybody.
When I was pushing on the pineal gland, the dark would look like like even darker. It's like almost like it was if like black oil was like spelling out on a on a dusty black floor, to where it's like the black didn't even look like it was that dark anymore. It's like something else is even like fucking pouring out just fucking black as shit.
So I remember that. I was like, let me see what that was about.
So I started pushing on, pushing on like fanial gland where I was meditating, and I started noticing and like this little white piercing white dot and the like just starts showing up like like literally like if you had like a I guess, like a needle, and the tip of it was like burning fucking white ash shit literally just like out in the distance. And it's crazy saying out in the distance. This is another thing too, with
this experience. Once I start getting into it, it is as if like, even though you're in your head, I swear to God, it's like you're seeing a distance. It is fucking insane, Like there's depth. Well before the white light came, all this black, like I said, was spreading out, and it started to look like almost like an oil slick where I would have like these very like fluorescent
rainbow colors kind of like around it. Kind of like if you're driving through the street and you see like an oils like like in water, and you kind of see all like the rainbow and there it started to seem like that spreading out and then it got dark as fucking Then you see that white light, and I
kind of like had to like focus on it. As crazy as it sounds, it's like it's almost it's like whereas visioning it in my eye eyes with my eyes closed, it's like I almost kind of had to have like my pineal gland like focusing on it and almost have like my head focused where I would see it. You know, it's hard to explain. It was almost like I had to lock onto it. And it's like you all of a sudden you need to get it, and you hold it and it starts to like come a little bit
closer and then this white dot. I mean, it looks like a blazing fucking star. And I've questioned if that's where they even got the name for one of the OTO lodges, the blazing Star. The oto it looks like this, you know, burning star, and it starts coming a little bit closer, and then like a little bit of like black from around it looks like it like kind of like comes in, it swirls in, and it starts to makes it look like an eclipse. And then that's why
I have like eclipse and all my logos, uh. And it starts to get like a little bit closer, and all of a sudden, it's just like complete darkness. And I just see this fucking eclipse hovering in front of me, and I'm like holding my pineal gland the whole time too, And then all of a sudden, when I even saw the white dot. This is so hard to explain, and sometimes I leave it out, but like unfortunately, like he
explains maybe detail a little bit more. It looks like as if like somebody took like a pencil and drew like the outline of clouds and then like took that and threw it into like blackness, so like if anything lit up, you'd see like the the curvatures. It's hard to explain, so like you see that kind of like
around the white light. Yeah, and that's what starts to even make it look like it has depth as well, because it's almost like you could see that there's something in between you know, everything, and it's just like.
This little burning dot and it looks like all these other things.
So now eventually when it turns into an eclipse at some point, I don't know what it is, but it's like you start seeing this like these colors flesh around it. It almost looks like flames like, and then it starts to just turn to basically.
Dark like dark red or red.
Now because of me talking about all those like curves and shit, when you see those explosions in red, it literally almost starts to look like flower of roses blooming again. Because I'm saying, all those little curvatures that you would see like in the clouds, those are kind of almost making the leafs now. It's hard to explain, but like it almost looks like literally roses blooming around like an eclipse. And that's why I have in one of my logos.
It's roses around an eclipse. I've even wondered, you know, is that you Crowley used the word rose a lot. He's you know, he had a girl, but you know in his other work he he focused on the rose, and you know you have the rosaccrusians. I do wonder if this is like a common image that might be seen with people for crossing the abyss. But you start seeing those things come out, the explosions, and I'm just like sitting there looking at it, and I'm not thinking anything.
I'd be totally honest with you. I'm like sitting here, I'm like, yo, this is like a cool, fucking like free movie I'm watching right now. Like I'm just like assuming that my mind is just like just playing with playing around. I guess, I don't know. I'm not really taking it too like serious. I just think it's like this is fucking cool. Look and it's weird. Let's keep going. So like now all of a sud under like geometric shapes start like showing up. Oh before the yeah yeah,
uh wait what happened first? I don't know if it's the shapes, I might be getting it screwed up in uh, which which things come first, I don't know, after the explosions, and all of a sudden, these lines start coming out to where it looks like as if the eclipse was spinning, and these swirls are coming out and making like a spiral, and it's like all these spirals and it's like vibrescent colors.
And when it first starts to spin, I'm gonna be totally honest with you, it looks like a swasticker until it starts really picking up and you know, it starts to come out like this, you have things coming out from the full cardinal direction starting to spin. Keeping it realm was.
A symbol of peace.
Oh yeah, yeah, that's what I'm gonna be totally honest with you.
That is one of the things I even say that I think it was one of the biggest things that that guy pulled off, is that I think he took an image or it took a symbol that is an image of having an experience with God and fucking perverted it and fuck hijacked and if anybody was to use it, you can't because it's fuck it's fucked up. But all right, so I start to see that it looks like it almost like like vibrating, like I don't just stuff coming out. It almost looks like it's pulsing out. And then that
starts to turn into like geometric shapes. It almost looks like like tons of hexagrams and just like sacred geometry, just like like even flashing towards me, like out of the eclipse from the side, and I was just like, yo, this is fucking crazy.
And then.
That stops and it kind of gets like and at this point, like it even feels like like I'm deaf, Like I don't even hear anything anymore. It's just like, yeah, it's just complete silence. And now all of a sudden, and I've explained this a few ways, I'll try to hopefully it works. It starts to look like if people like, look at my logo. I don't know if you've ever seen it looks like two films are real coming out
the side. If you take away the you know everything and just have those squares of images, it starts to look like like almost sideways doorways or whatever, these rectangle windows floating starts coming out of the eclipse on each side, but going really slow. And I've said, like if you were in a like train, station or a subway station near in the middle of the platform, and say two trains were coming down your way, going the same way, but going slow, and all you saw was the cart windows.
That's exactly. You would just be like like all these different images and scenes. And then around that time is when I'll start to actually start feeling physical shit now that they'll stop being physical stuff that comes along with it. It will almost start to feel like a fluttering in my body. It will start down by my feet and it'll like it's gonna sound crazy. I don't know if you ever seen like the movie Tron where the guy like starts getting like they start zapping them and like
sucking them into the computer. It's like if they started at my feet and started going up, and it's like like, I'll start feeling this feeling out at my feet, and by the time it gets up to my knees, anything below my feet I don't feel anymore. I mean, anything below my knees, I don't feel anymore. It feels like it's not even there, Like I'm just actually like non existent there anymore. And it starts to spread and start to go up, and it literally starts to feel.
Like like you're actually disappearing.
You don't feel it anymore, but all the energy in your body starts to feel like it's starting to compress come up here. So now I'm seeing all this stuff and like I'm starting to feel this feeling. I'm like, yoh, what the fuck is this? And yeah, home wid It didn't freak me out because I guess maybe I wasn't
like too worried about anything serious. So uh, I'm going on, you know, I'm feeling that, and then uh, yeah, the windows start going and there's there was one time when I paid attention to the window and I could get into that, but basically like I saw things in there, but I really wasn't too like, oh what the fuck is that. I'm just like thinking, like I'm just like, so, what's gonna come next?
You know?
I just really just think it was just like a free, weird, you know movie my mind was making up.
And then yeah, they go.
Away, and then I started feeling that energy going through my body and all of a sudden, it feels like, and I've explained this before, it's like maybe if I was laying on the beach and like somehow it sounds crazy. I cut the soles off on my feet and let the water. When the water broke and came up the beach, like it would like roll right through you, like go through your body, fill you up, and go right out out of you. Like literally felt like I was feeling
a stream of water starting to flutter through me. And then all of a sudden, it comes up like up to my head and then like right back here where the Jews put their hat. It felt like all of a sudden, it was just like something was like literally like spray.
A leaking out of my fucking head.
And as that's happening, there's the clips is the black part is starting to separate from the white, and now it just looks like this crescent. I got this big, like you know, I have this black sphere with this white one behind it, and it moved up a little bit and I have this big like crescent or like fucking cheshire cat fucking smile staring at me, and it's getting really fucking bright, and it starts the movie again
and go away. And as soon as the black sphere pulls away from the white one, it's like, all of a sudden, like when I was pushing on my pineal gland. The whole time, it felt like something like just changed and like somehow like changed polarity, and all of a sudden, all that pressure came back at me and that white light came flying towards like towards me with my eyes closed in boom, all of a sudden, it felt like I just fucking shot out of the back of my head.
It felt like I just turned into like a thousand butterflies, and my whole vision just felt like like everything was just starting to I was getting like pulled and like whatever I'm witnessing, my body isn't there, and it's like I'm just actually it's gonna sound crazy. I'm like part of the fabric of what I'm looking at and all and like all I feel just sound crazy, but like I really mean it. Like it was a love that I could never experience here on earth or I haven't yet.
It was a feeling that I could never get from drugs. It's a feeling I could never get. It's a feeling I could never get from loving somebody or you know, a wife, a friend of my family, brother.
Whatever like that.
It was totally beyond that by a thousand, and it just literally felt like my body or my whatever I was was just vibrating that feeling, and it's just like I'm just like witnessing. It's gonna sound crazy, but a lot of the stuff that I saw, I would be like, you know, it looks like shit. NASA would show it like was just like blackness and just like lights and
colors and almost like space. And you know, it always it ends up all last the bit and then all of a sudden, for some reason, I'll start to think like where am I or what am I doing or what's going on? And as soon as I start thinking
about that, it fucking comes out of it. And so like I came out of it the first time, and then I always like all of a sudden, I opened up my eyes when I came out of it, and I saw it all of a sudden, just having this serious well first off as it felt even weird, like I actually.
Felt like there was like something like almost wrong with me, like I was.
It's gonna sound crazy, but another reason why I think there's something going on with your soul, because it honestly feels like I was an overcharged battery, like I just shoved myself back in there and I was like, no, I don't want Like it was like I was stuffed with too much or something it's hard to explain, like I was ready to bust out of my seams again, and all of a sudden, all these things start fluttering into my mind where it's it's gonna sound crazy, but
this is something I've said that this has happened to me every time I fucked with magic. I'd be honest, I fucked with magic for this reason. I will open up my eyes and no shit, I never knew prior. It's all of a sudden, you just start getting these fucking voices or these fucking images in your head, and it starts like putting puzzles together, and you start getting these ideas or things that you didn't understand. All of a sudden, the answer is screaming in your fucking head.
So like I have for these I don't know how long. All I've been doing is studying the occult and you know, images tarot, so it's like that's the only shit in my head. So everything just starts fucking going together and all these things just start and I'm like, what the fuck. And then when I started taking into consideration that death might actually be real.
Then it just seemed like.
You if you actually put that in there, a lot of stuff and occultism starts to make more fucking sense, I actually think. But so I had that experience. One of the things too, from that experience that happens to me every time is my pupils will change. One of them will get pinned and the other one will get huge. I don't know if I don't know if this guy has an issue. I had seen one video because people were making fun of him or saying, what the fuck's up with it? And I made a comment that that
happens to me when I have a magical experience. And then someone's like, oh, he's got so and so problems with the Liver King, and he was acting out, going crazy, talking shit to Joe Rogan and that motherfucker's got one pupil gigantic and the other one's fucking small. And I've said before, I said, if you fuck with magic too much, you'll end up like Joe Biden and Kanye West. I mean, the Liver King was kind of acting like either one of them at that point. Maybe he was fucking with magic,
maybe he was a little bit too out there. And he was just fucking you. He wasn't he didn't reacclimate to reality yet, and he was just acting silly and stupid.
But uh, that will happen to me.
And I even at one point, at one point, I ended up fucking around with Magic probably about three times in a week. And I will be totally honest with you. That put me physically and mentally. I was just like, yo, I need to go to the hospital. I think there's something wrong with me.
Oh shit, well that sounds crazy.
And the shit with my eyes was freaking me out too, because it was like, what the fuck is wrong with my eyeballs?
I'm like, yo, why is one gigantic and the other one small?
I was like, it's kind fucking weird, and it felt like it felt like I was like again, like I felt like somebody like hooked me up to a battery charger and now I was like, you gotta one plug me. I'm gonna fucking explode. Like I can't even release the energy. I know they go fast enough. So I was just like even felt uncomfortable. I literally felt like I had fucking static electricity. That was another thing, like literally up
and down my legs. Bro At one point, I was like, yo, it's like either it feels like static or it's like, you know, am I going crazy?
Thing?
I got spiders on me, you know. I was like, oh, I gotta get the fuck out of you. I was like, yo, I think there's something wrong.
Yo, my too. That was another thing.
I was even like before I left, this is crazy, but like it was only a few blocks away, but like I'm you know, I'm like all fucked up. I physically don't feel you know, my legs are even twitching, my eyes, you know, my sight he's even like a little love. I drove myself to the park and I was like, let me just chill out over there and
walk around. Maybe I'll feel a little bit better. I'm walking through the fucking park and it's like, you know, I'm like looking down at the distance and you could see like somebody would be walking up with their dog, and instead of like me seeing them just like walking normally with their dog, They're showing up as like light shooting out of the ground and then forming into a person and their dog, and I'm just like, yo, what the fuck.
I was like, just something wrong with me. So I was like, fuck this.
I drove myself to the hospital ten minutes down the road. I was like, yo, I was like, what the fuck is wrong. I'll be honest, I was freaked out at first. I mean, I'm like, seeing shit, that's not normal. I'm having physical issues. I didn't feel good. I went to the hospital. They ended up keeping me there for like two or three days. Basically said we think you have migraines. But the one thing that I thought was interesting is that they checked my blood and they did say, uh
yahemoglobin is jacked up to like sixteen point nine. I think it's supposed to be around thirteen or fourteen. They had to give me a bag of blood and a bag of saline, and then they're like, you know, you might want to They had me go to a place to where they thought I actually had this issue where some people they don't know why the hemoglobin will get jacked up and you'll have to go once a month to like get blood to kind.
Of basically thin you out. I'm like, oh my.
God, Like, who the fuck, how the fuck can you get this? I don't have it. Because I went the next time and they're like you're good. They're like, you don't need anything, come back one more time, just to make sure. You know, we think it's probably a fluke. It was just a weird thing that happened to you. Never happened again. So but something that is interesting, though I don't know much about it. I gotta get like me and my co host Lie, so we need to
really like look into it more. But like that issue does also involve plasma in your blood, which basically is like light. So I do wonder if, like you know, when they get into the hole your adrenochrome with that type of shit, is there actually something in your blood that you're burning up when you're or that you're utilizing, you're using or you're depleting or whatever when you have a magical experience.
Yeah, I believe that.
Yeah, but uh so like you know, and then you know, eventually believe it. And I took about a month my eyes to go back to normal.
Holy shit.
Yeah yeah, yeah, even I was in the hospital for three days. And then I think my uh, eye doctor because they were like, your eyes seem fine, but this isn't normal, so you.
Should really go see its specialist.
They're all like, yeah, there's gotta be something that's gotta be something here.
Yo.
Even when I went to go see this lady, she you know, did all these says and she's like, I can't tell you what the problem is. And she's like, the thing is like your eyesight's fine, like you're seeing everything fine, So I can't even tell you, like if it's a problem or not. She's and I did say, it looked like it got a little bit smaller since I've seen her, you know, it got better.
So she's like, maybe we'll just go back to normal.
And then I was like, yo, I was like, this sound crazy because even when I had this magical experience with these last few I don't remember which one it was, something started me thinking, oh, it was probably because of my eyes getting fucked up. Something started making me thinking you gotta look into the eyeballs, like whatever, this is like something up with the eyes.
I have a feeling.
And I was just like I had asked her. I was like, goes these sound crazy? I said, but is it possible to where you could like actually look back into your brain? You know, is there a wayhere you could shine light back there? And then she starts going no. She's like she's like no, She's like impossible, for your eye to actually turned back there.
And she's like well, and she's like, well, let me like explain to.
Your real quick how vision works so you can even understand why I'm saying that's not possible. And she starts drawing like how like the light reflects off of your lens and everything, but how it will go back into your eye. So she is explaining like you know it does reflect actually, but your eye is not turning, and she's drawing this thing and I'm like, yo. I was like,
it's the same fucking thing on my own. Lady, she legit drew the fucking basically that as showing me how the light reflects off of my eye, my eyelind, my lens, and I fucking showed on my tattoo. I said, Yo, kind of looks like that, doesn't it. And she's looking at that. She's like, she's like, yo, she what's that from? I'm into magic and she's looking at me. I say A secret society and she's looking at me. She's like yo, and I'm like, oh fuck, I totally waited. This lady
was like what the fuck? I wish I would have kept in touch with her, but she was like, do you think it's possible you could get the paperwork from your hospital about like your old Because I explained to the whole thing. I was like, yeah, why, She's like, I really like to look at it. And she's like, especially like some of the other stuff. She's like, I'm very open. She's like, I think, how did she say?
She's like, I think there's a lot of things out there that we can't see her in the stand, but it's real.
And I was like, oh shit. I never I never got back in touch with her. I ever sent her this shit over. But yeah, I totally fucked her up. But she saw it.
She never even finished. She never even finished explaining what she was trying to explain because I showed her that shiit. He was like yo, what yeah, and then started asking me about the paperwork to send the I never did, but I was like, yo, I must have got her attention. She did even finish what she was saying.
Yeah, yeah, she was intrigued. Yeah. Yeah, She's like I always thought there was something.
Yeah yeah, so uh but yeah, I mean that was I mean, it was probably quicker than I've told some other times. It probably wasn't as a fantastical, but like that was like, you know, my magical experiences.
I do believe that, as crazy as it sounds.
And again it's not to get brownie points, but I do think to have an experience with God, you do have to kind of separate the flesh from the soul.
Oh yeah, absolutely.
I don't think like God is gonna I mean, I believe God is in everything, but I think if you really want to go back to the source, you kind of have to go to God. God's not coming to you. I feel, if I even want to look at it cabalistically, it's just the way I look at it. I turned my back from God and walked away from him. It her you know, He's still there, just waiting for me to come back.
Yeah.
I think I think he'll put like opportunities for you to seek him out.
Oh, constantly, constantly.
For I've talked about this on the show.
Yeah, I've talked about this a few times on the podcast My Kids. All of a sudden, well, my son originally randomly started talking about God, and he started he made a TikTok where he posts uh uh scripture like just like a pair like the paragraphs out of the Bible and stuff. I don't know if he's like doing it all the time, but he had He did start one and he was talking to me.
He was talking to me about God and whatnot.
And I asked him if he believed, and he goes, yeah, I do, and and.
Stuff like that.
And then all of a sudden, my my daughter is like, can I get for Christmas? This is this just this past Christmas? She was, can I get a Bible instead of an iPad? And I was like, you can definitely get a Bible instead of an iPad. But I'm going to tell you this right now. Your mother already bought you an iPad, so you're getting the iPad either way. But like to me, that was like, hey, man, come back to me kind of thing, Like, I like, the most beneficial the best way to.
Get to me is through my kids. And that was negative or.
Positive if you want to if you want to get to me positively, you do something that's good with my kids. You want to get a negative reaction, you do something negative with my kids, and you know, then there's a possibility that I'll be in jail if you do something negative with my kids.
I definitely know what you mean though, Yeah, definitely definitely way to catch at three kids.
Yeah, it definitely sparked something in me to where I'm just like, dude, what is going on? And I'm like at the point where now I think I want to get baptized. Shit, oh nice, so go for it.
Yeah, man, I.
Had to do that.
It's been an issue for the longest time with me. But like like you said, like you're never gonna shut your brain completely.
Off, it would be nice.
But if you could just focus on something one one thing, or even if maybe two things and just kind of hone in on that, I think that that would be beneficial. And I think nature plays a lot into into being able to quiet yourself and to find yourself too. Like spent spent connecting yourself to earth, grounding yourself as as beneficial.
That was one thing, and I swear sometimes I wonder if I had anything to do with it. But before I started having my magical experiences, I was like severely spending a lot of time.
A like parks or in nature, you know.
And honestly it was more or less because of the whole situation with COVID. I wasn't somebody wanted to be stuck inside, So I was like well, like go to the parks because like people are too scaredy go there. So it's like, you know, it's kind of empty, you know. So I was even spending a lot of time just even out in nature and shit. So I have actually wondered,
like did that have anything to do with it? Because I'm sure, honestly my experience was probably due to a concoction of things that made that happen.
You know, I'm sure, oh yeah, yeah, this is this you're ac cultic knowledge. And then obviously like I think that's what I think, tying the nature thing into it, and and then you you're just doing it, you know, just get get trying to get into that meditation shit, and it's like, hey man, you're gonna see some shit.
No, That's the one thing I will say too, even when it comes to like magic, uh, I think sometimes like people like if they want to get into it, like you know, if you take my experience as you know, it's true, you may get answers to God may tell you things that were like shit, I wasn't ready for that one.
Bro mm hmm.
Like you might hear some hard truths that you might have to accept, you know, like for me, it rocked my world and changed my view of reality. I could never go back. It's like a you know, once you becomes a pickle, you can't go back.
It's done.
Oh yeah, you're like, funk, I ain't ship. I Like, I'm like, fuck, yo, for real, I really at ship? This is unreal and uh yeah no, but you know, there was just like for me, it's just like, you know, for certain things of my reality, just for me, you know, or even just being like, I'll be totally honest what it was hard for me to accept. I was like, I just had the most beautiful, beyond dreams experience and I have to come back here.
That's not fair. That's I'm like, yo, what did I do wrong? Man?
Like, why did you send?
Yeah?
I'm like, yo, is this hell?
Like?
But I was just like it's getting very close. It's like on the urge.
Yeah, I think what somebody say, Uh, we're like the worst part of heaven and the best part of hell.
We're stuck in between.
Oh man, purgatory too.
I don't know what the fuck that would be, but that sounds maybe that's you crazy? This could yeah this actually, yeah, this could be purgatory.
Even religious people do wonder that too.
Yeah, like we're because we're waiting to die essentially, that's all we're doing here, so and then from there that's.
Where we're going to wherever. I don't know.
There's so there's so many things that, so many different things about death that I believe or that I'm like, oh well maybe, or that I want to believe, Like there's things like for our souls to live on, Like I want to believe that.
Right, I do believe that.
Actually I was always kind of like iffy about that, but from my magical experience, for some reason for me, it's just I do believe in reincarnation.
Yeah, reincarnation scary because then like reincarnation, you don't remember.
Who you were exactly.
That's that's that's a scary part of it. I guess that's what makes you have to have the journey all over again, right, I don't know.
Yeah, the new new lessons to learn and all that ship. So I do believe like anger has been anger and patience were like I had to overcome anger and learn patience is what I think has been my.
Journey in this life has been.
And I think talking to a couple of mediums and stuff like that. I think that's been what I have been supposed to be learning throughout a few lifetimes now, and I just haven't gotten there yet.
So yeah, I mean, who knows, who knows.
I spent a lot of my life being angry and now I'm just more like me fearful.
Yeah.
Yeah, Well, Nick man, dude, that was a crazy experience that I want to explore more knowledge and into that, into that stuff for sure.
Even rituals and stuff too. I could you know, not.
Whatever, you know what I'm saying, explain h Yeah, yeah, right, but you're definitely I definitely want to have you come back on soon.
So but if you.
Don't mind, let everybody know one last time where they can find you and all all your show and stuff.
Sure, thank you very much. Uh yeah, the Occult rechecks. It's on bit shoot, Rumble, YouTube, all major podcasts.
Uh.
Then we do have I forgot to mention it before, Occult Research Institute dot org. We do have that website that is a lot of the occult rejecks or people that we work with that if you're into reading a lot of long form reading, a lot of us even like scientific paperwork, that somebody's put up there on orgone that they've done. You know, there's a lot of reading and there might be some videos. You know, we have some people that might have added some of their YouTube videos.
But if you're into reading, there's a lot of information on that website and it's free, so check it out. Cult Research Institute dot org and the Ocult Rejects on the one Major podcast.
Nice man, Nice.
One last question I have for you real quick before I let you go, is are you finding fulfillment in your life doing your podcast and all that stuff?
Yeah?
I actually is going to sound cheesy as hell, but after my magical experience, I actually do believe that if I was given a gift from God, the only thing I should be doing with that is trying to help others have the same experience. And part of my podcasting is doing that. So yes, it's fulfilling me and I do believe I'm doing my will.
Actually.
Dope, man, Dope, I like that.
I like that.
Well, man, thank you for taking the time to do this. I know you didn't want to do it in the morning.
No, No, it was perfectly fine.
Get it out of the dam. I'm gonna head to the gym. Now woke me up. I'm ready to go curv. Yeah, all right, I'm gonna do the same thing.
I'm also to.
All right, all right.
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It is also where you can get merch.
Much like the shirt behind me, there's a whole bunch of other designs, hot sauce, coffee, and supplements.
Suck him out, okay, yeah, like Iron from New England. I was telling you about that. You don't know he makes his own hot soss too. No shit, I gotta put you in touch with this guy.
God damn, I'm gonna have to look him up, all right, all right?
Yeah, So other than that, guys, you know the drill, question everything, and stay weird.
Close your runs, look into the darkness, find the blazing story. Focus may be called the eclipse. Don't feel that the show'll be done, And does
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