The nick A Gliser Podcast.
Glaser.
Here's Nicky.
Hello here, I am welcome to the show Nicky Glaser Podcast. Starting off having to respond to a text urgently. Let's at the stage, Noah's here, Shawn's here, Brian's here. I just have to tell Chris that he's talking to my money guy. And he just said, can you please let him know that you he can tell me the state of your finances. You have full permission to tell Chris anything about my money.
Okay, I have just said that, tell him it's whatever.
Whatever.
Finances and couples, that's like a topic that's hard to talk about, like death and sex.
Yeah, it is it, I guess, Yeah, I guess.
I just don't.
I don't.
Yeah, yeah, I guess it is.
But I'm just like I don't care what people. I do.
Just don't really have any secrets, so I don't know. It's also big, like it just shows commitment.
Like I remember when Avi and I like combined our finances, you know, our bank accounts or whatever.
We still have our separate ones. But how do you do that together? Like how do you determine what's separate and what's come joined.
Well, we just went to the bank and opened a joint one and then every month we put the same amount of money into it to cover our expenses.
So, like, what do you if you're getting your hair done? Where where do you pull that from?
Oh, that's my money?
Well then what if you're buying a new hair dryer for your home that you're going to mostly use?
U Avi has no hair, so that's a Noah expense. But isn't that also?
Okay?
What if you buy a snack that only you eat.
Like uts is like hot groceries, chips, yeah, combined, even even if it's a snack that you.
Want, But yeah, utsuts I love those.
Okay, that's interesting. Yeah, it's how do you like? How do you not like? If you?
Yeah, it's it's I don't know how anyone does it.
It is fucked up.
It just just either put it all together or keep it.
No, that's nice because then you can be like, I'm buying this for myself and you don't get to weigh in on what I spend my money on because I'm using my own thing on this.
Yes, it's very it's very Destiny's child of you.
I'm gonna make them that song.
Yeah, I think in my head, I'm like bills, bills, bills about.
Bills, yes, yes, bills that.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm terrified at being a bugaboo. That is like my least a scrub.
I don't want to scrubs.
Fortunately, I know I'm a scrub.
I could hang out your best friends ride.
Trying to holler I don't. I have separate bank accounts with my wife, and the way we.
Say, yeah, how do you do the like combining things to it.
We just pay for certain bills individually, like I have Alli's cell phone on my cell phone contract or whatever, and she pays for health insurance because I'm on her health insurance. So it's like we just have like different responsibilities that we're that we take care of, okay, but we don't have a joint. I tried to get a safe deposit box at the bank the other day so we can put our important valuables in there. And I go in there and I go, can I get a safe deposit box?
And they said, isn't a safety deposit box?
Oh? Is it.
A safe deposit box?
I thought it was a safe deposit box because it's a.
It's in a safe and it's like a deposit box. Yeah, what the fuck?
Okay, see, go on.
Don't tell you that it's no longer than nineteen thirties.
Why they said, they said, But the way you said it was, He's like, we don't have those and we won't have them for a long time.
Well didn't they burn? Did people lose stuff in the fire?
I would be worried if, like, not only do you have to grab your valuables from your house and fire, you have to then go down to the post office.
I guess it is wise to put your safe deposit box in a bank that's kind of far away from your house in case.
The whole time, po box is the weirdest thing I've ever heard. I feel like I'm being I feel like this is Mandela fact. Like I've never heard anyone call it a safe deposit. It's always been safety.
I think it's great.
Both.
Oh thank god, because both are showing up on Googles.
This is.
Yeah, it was the whole time. I thought it was Destiny's children.
It should be Wait what they should there's three of them?
Yeah, No, it doesn't make any sense.
That or four.
There were there were four. One really got left out, the other two only mildly got left out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It feels like in every great band there's always one person who got left out early on. That happened to the Beatles. Yeah, Pete Best happened to me and uh Huba stank I was the fourth. I was the stank.
Wait, so what made you?
Like?
What valuables do you have to go like put in this thing? I don't even understand what you would put it.
Recently, my brother came to me and he said, I have your birth certificate, your actual birth certificate. And I don't know why he had it, but he had it and he mailed it to me, and I was like, I'm not going to like that is so valuable because it's your original book.
Isn't because you didn't even know you it was, it existed. I have to use it without it.
I hadn't use it for the mail. I forgot what I had to use it for. But there was a thing like I think it was like setting up a payment thing where they were like I had my passport, was like, so I couldn't use my passport. The only other thing is your birth certificate. Okay, psychopath still has their birth certificate.
Yeah, I don't know where mine is we're social Security card that limp little piece of paper.
Yeah.
Like literally every driver who gives me their card has a more sturdy like card than the Social Security card, which is made with Egyptians.
And you're perforated edges that you can pull off terror.
I laminated my social Security card, and like when I was like seventeen and I got scaled at trying to get a passport saying that this is illegal to laminate, I'm like.
It's illegal to protect it.
We want to we want you to lose this and damage it by the time you have to do anything.
Yeah.
Here, I am just trying to sell it to like a Malaysian teenager.
God, laminating was so fun.
I can't believe seventeen year old Sewan laminated something.
My mom had a laminator and I.
Was okay, yeah, you were looking for anything.
What were you doing at seventeen, Sean? What were you like?
Oh?
I was draken smoking? And did you when you were in high school? Did you hang out with like nerves? Did you play sports at all? What was going on?
I played sports and I was in a an emo band, which I've talked about on this before. Yeah, I I played baseball and base and okay, and I truly truly just a pathetic person. But someone to someone pointed out recently that I was semi popular in high school and it just, uh, it redefined everything. I like it. It changed how I viewed myself in high school.
I actually Sean ran into a woman this weekend at the Vanity Fair party who came up to me and said that she saw us both in Cabo, her and her husband. And she was the one that went up to you afterwards and was like, I went to the same high school as you, and she disclosed to me that she was like and it was really awkward because we both suffered so much trauma at that school being beat. Is that true?
Oh oh no, no, I well, this was the woman who came up and she was like, I went to that high school.
And then I was like, oh, what year did you graduate?
And she was like nineteen eighty nine and I was like what And she looked so young?
Yes, yes, I like froze when she said that, because I was like, I remember Sean telling me something about how either she looked too old or too young, and I just didn't want to say anything, so I was like, oh, that's crazy, even though I knew something. But she said that, like she was like, oh my god, and I just was like, she didn't say she was really living trauma
hearing you talk. You like had a story about the school or something and in your stand up and she said that it like she was like, oh my god, we were both so traumatized by that school.
Oh interesting. I was not beat at all.
Do you think it went on though, Oh?
Absolutely, because like my mom went to that school and she would always talk about how they would like hit the students.
Oh great, and so she sent you there, Yeah.
Because thanks man. Yeah. And they didn't even hit me, and I was ready for it.
No, you don't seem like someone who would get hit.
Speaking of getting hit, have you guys seen the Vince McMahon documentary, No, Oh, okay. I watched the first part of it last night with my parents. I went over there, and like the first episode is all just about like him kind of uh taking over the WWF from his dad and then like expanding and stealing all these territories and making it like this cultural phenomenon. And then they did this one They talked about this one part in like the late eighties.
I'm guessing maybe mid eighties, where.
You know, pro wrestling was like all the rage and people were starting to have this kind of discourse of.
Like it's fake, is it real? Is it fake?
Which, like I grew up hearing all the time that's all you talked about was that you thought any guy who liked pro wrestling was so dumb because it's obviously fake, and it's like, yeah, duh, it's like it's like a play. What's wrong with that? Like why couldn't we accept that about it?
Like I don't even know.
Stand, but like why did you guys do such a poor job of describing what it was?
You were just like, no, it's real.
Like I just you should have just been like yet it is, but so is TV that you watch, Like why did you all not have really a good defense for it when you're like, it is real.
You believe it was real right when.
You're six and you're seven, when you're first getting into it, you think it's real, and you slowly when you get into like harvice age. I I don't know it's quite like Sanna, but it's a little bit because you are living the lie and like you don't realize it until like somebody older than you points it out.
But like also, like when I was thirteen.
I thought it was real because me and my friends would do like backyard wrestling and like we were really hurting each other.
Right, the same.
Thing about it, yeah, is that it actually does hurt, and especially when like the ECW came out, which was another wrestling link that's still around, Like they were particularly into like actually hurting each other and making sure that like the moves were vicious and people.
Think throw each other into thumbtacks and yeah, glad to cut them.
Yeah, they're still getting injured, but it's still like, you know, like there are people that are you know, that do a role like you know what's his name, Jeremy Strong gets injured emotionally from portraying someone. Like it's still fake though, like I'm not saying it's it is.
It is a play.
It is fictional, and like, yes, things can happen where
it's like you know what's his name? The Andre the Giant, like his body kind of failed him during one match and so Hulk Hogan ended up winning it, even though it was kind of pretermaned that the other guy would win because he couldn't get it back up, and Hulk was trying to tell him, like, keep falling into the rope so it can spring you back up, because once he woul fall in his back, he like couldn't get up because his body was like starting to h crumble.
So there's like, I'm sure there's things on the fly that happened that are like, well that's not pre German, but it's okay that it's fake. And but there was this so anyway, in the mid eighties, there was this huge backlash of it's fake, and they were kind of covering up being like it's not, which is not. I just don't think that was a good defense. So then, did you guys remember John Stossel did a report for.
ABC News or something like that.
Yeah, and he went under the guise of like saying like I wanna just you know, uh see interview Hulk Hogan and like kind of cover this phenomenon that is this, you know, hulk Mania. But instead it started getting around that he was asking about like the fakeness of it, and he was saying like, I hear you guys cut your like cut yourselves with the razor blades.
I just assume they use fake blood. But I guess they literally cut themselves with razor blade.
There's a way, there's a place to cut over your eyebrow, like I've that, Like if you do like a little cut, it doesn't leave a mark and old gosh.
Yeah, it's like.
Yeah, got it, got it, Like okay, but okay. So then John John Sassel's backstage interviewing someone and the guy fucking punches him two times, like he gives him tenadus in the ear, like permanent ear damage. He sued the WWF got a settlement out. You know, we don't know how much he got. And then Richard Belzer also got attacked by Whole Cogan who put him in a headlock
on the show. And then when he like let him out of the headlock because he was kind of giving him a hard time him mister t and they were like, oh, well we'll show you. We put him in headlock, and he fell out of the headlock and slammed his head on the like the ground of.
His studio he had like a talk show. He was bleeding from.
The back of his head and he's like, yeah, that's real, real, But it was so lame that they were like, we're gonna like, fuck up these like little nerdy reporters.
It was so lame, it was so gross and that.
But I'm not even happy I haven't gotten to I'm like, get to the poop. I know, vis Vince McMahon like made like pooped on women or something. I'm like, let's get to that.
Yeah.
The first episode is basically very very pro Vince McMahon, Like.
Yeah, you're like kind of like this guy rules. He really knew what he was doing.
He like he kind of went out and conquered the United States in terms of wrestling. He was like his dad never really loved him, didn't really believe in him, kind of sold him the company under the guys of like he'll never actually own this company. He set him up to fail. He actually succeeded. He's like kind of a you're like rooting for him and then he's gonna poop on women or something.
I can't.
I mean me, I'm sick o, like when are we going to poop on women? But even though I don't want that to happen? Like, do you guys get like that on these documentaries, like get to the sick.
Shit, it's it's coming. They had to.
They had to set up like he's not rich yet like rich god like once again, that's that's when the depravity shows up?
Is it always there?
Like I'm looking for it in his eyes as like a young boy where he's trying to like earn his dad's respect, Like I'm I'm trying to see like the psychopathic tendencies and I don't really see it. And then they cut to like an interview with him now and you're like, oh, it's there, Like what does does becoming a billionaire like corrupt people in this way?
That isn't there before?
I think like the power and control that you start to feel is just like it has to feel like you're kind of godlike where no one could like touch you.
But I I wonder.
Is in the first episod because I watched the whole thing, the part where he's talking about like his abusive step dad. No, okay, So I think it's always been there because there's like a line he says about his abusive stepdad going like it's a shame he died because I would have enjoyed killing him. Like it's like so insane that you're like this guy is has always.
Been this way?
Yeah? Yeah, Well that kind of vengeance and being beat in that way, just like not if you're never taught empathy or shown any kindness, you just like don't have a chance. I was watching like a fucking Instagram reel the other day, which is I shouldn't even say that, like, if I have any information, it's from a fucking Instagram reel, but it really does not even need to be said anymore.
So I was I was living, and so I, uh, you know, came across this video of like these inmates that were doing some kind of like therapy session one day, had the thing and they all stood in a circle in the yard and then they like in the middle was this therapist being like step forward if you were raised by one parent, And then they're like all.
Step forward, step forward if.
You you know, witnessed animal abuse in your life, step forward if you written this abuse. And it's just like all of them and it's like they pretty much were like these people didn't have a fucking chance, Like they never were shown even an ounce of love or compassion or even example of it in any part of their life. Can you really blame them that they ended up here? And it was so sweet because there was this one guy that was like, this was the this was the
literal best day of my entire life. And it was like the first time he had ever like talked about his feelings. And he's like sitting in this prison. He's like an old man withering away, and it's the best day of his life that like a compassionate woman came in and like asked him how he's feeling or like how he was raised. It's like, it's so fucked poor people were so lucky if like we did even anyone care about us at all ever once, because some people don't have it literally ever.
Mm hmmm, yeah, No, it's sad. That's where where we were heading. Nature and nurture is definitely nurture is as important so is nature. But like I think you can overcome a lot of nature problems with nurture. And yeah, there are people it doesn't even have to be like an abusive parent. It can be like so little too that makes that sets you down that path and makes you, uh lose that ability to empathize and be you know, a member of society.
Yeah, it never even this.
I guess this is not very empathetic of me, but it never crossed my mind that people are actually going through their life without that, especially because I've dedicated my entire life to seeking out the approval of love of others. Yes, so it's like so baffling to me that somebody could make it that bar and be like, no one's ever asked me how I'm doing.
No. Whenever I see like someone in public blaring their phone and listening to it full volume, I mean, there's a part of me that I think, the first part of me is just like, what a fucking asshole? How could you even be that kind of person that has no regard for anyone around you? And we all want to hear this sermon or whatever you're listening to at full volume and not even good speakers, like your phone's on some water and it sounds tinny, and you're blasting
it in this common area. And then I realize, oh my god, this person never had a parent look out for them in terms of their like hearing. They probably were blaring the TV and screaming while that kid was sleeping that the kid is. That person has no example in their life of someone being like, hey, let's let me like respect you, and so why would they show.
It to anyone else. Yeah, and that's kind of like what it's about.
Like I just I have to remember that more times than when I get like upset about how someone's acting or like, and just the idea that you know, like the idea that anyone thinks anyone like wants to be homeless, because there's this whole argument now about homeless people.
It's like they don't even want help.
You try to give them help and they're they you have to want it, and they don't even they want to be on the streets. It's like, no one really wants to be on the streets. They're there and they've been like hurt by this and so they don't have an option. But like, no, they didn't actually start just like they just don't. They don't love like camping so much that they were just like, oh, I want to
end up here. People don't choose to do drugs and become drug addicts, like they're predisposed to do it and you would too if you had their whole life, but people just seem to think I would never do that.
I think they love camping. I think that they went to ARII they spent too much money and they were like, well, I guess we have to use all this dumb.
Yeah, it's just you know, it's but I have to be reminded of it all the time because I constantly am getting mad at my fellow man and being like, how could you do that?
Or think like that? But it's like, okay, if I was, I think like that too.
But no, thank god, I'm I'm so thankful that. Uh.
I guess my parents were the people who were like, never do heroin or like the DARE program did not work. The DARE program made drugs seem so fucking cool. Oh yeah, like I'll never forget scared me?
Did it scare you?
Oh? They played pressure by Billy Joel and they're like, this is what cocaine feels like.
And I was like, oh my god, so is incredible. I can't wait to do cocaine.
Oh my god, no, I I think it. I just wanted to be good though. Did you not want to be good like and not get in trouble? That's what scared me of drugs.
I think I I there was definitely a shift where I started wanting to get into trouble a little bit.
Because you're such a good boy, like you follow all the rules, like as someone who's worked with you, you like are like have the assignment in right on time.
You're just like aimed to please and.
Like of you know, in not a way that you're like scared and like oh, whatever you want, but like you seem to like to be good or.
Do you like being good later for you or it was way later?
Yeah, like interesting, I like poking buttons and I liked, like I really hated it.
Oh, I've seen that side of you as well, by the way I have, I've seen you that.
That's when did I see that come out of you where you were kind of being a little rabble rouser and I don't even know what that, but I was like, oh, Sean, there's like some time where you were kind of like being a little bit where there's just someone that, like I could tell was.
Annoying you, and you're like, I'm gonna let them have it, and I've really enjoyed it.
But yeah they needed to really break me down.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can do it sometimes too. I'll give an example when we get back right after this. So this past week, there was a circumstance where I was getting ready for something and a producer was talking to me about a thing I was gonna do, and it was someone that I just.
I had spoken with on the phone.
We had a really good conversation, but then I met them in person. They were kind of like talking to me about what I was about to do, and they said that I couldn't mention this part of myself. That there's nothing wrong with mentioning it, but it's like a conflict of interest within the thing I.
Was going to be on.
Like let's say I was going to be in an ad for Sephora, it would have been like mentioning like one time I shopped at Alta or I was in an ad for Walmart, and I was like, I just part of it was like, let's say, like my grandfather started target, Like I wasn't allowed to say anything about my grandfather, And it's like, but that's who I am, do you know what I mean? This isn't really tracking, but it's like literally a part of who I am I couldn't mention because of a conflict of interest within
this other thing. And I understood it was like way above his pay grade where this kind of was coming down, this this this mandate. But I was annoyed because it wasn't told me before, and I didn't really know who was.
I knew where it was coming from, but it was just kind of getting to me too late.
And I was like in the makeup chair and I just said to this really nice guy, I go, this would have been nice to know that I can't say this part of myself beforehand, because I never would do this if if I knew that, I couldn't say. And I go and then and he was just like good to know, and I was like, so just next time, like I just need to like that. I just know I wouldn't be here right now if if I would have known this ahead of time and I wasn't trying to be an asshole, it.
Was just true, Like it you really want.
I really did my grandfather, Earl Target I felt was an important part of my origin story anyway. So I said that, and then I instantly was like, oh, that might be kind of bitchy, and I don't want this guy to I also, I don't want this guy to feel like I'm mad at him. I go, listen, I know it's this is your This is not your your decision.
You're just the person. You're just a messenger. I'm not mad at you.
I'm just letting you know, like uh that I'm I'm kind of pissed off. And then he then we like joked about something else and everything was fine. And then my makeup artist after he left was like, that was so badass, Like you stood up for yourself. You let him know like exactly like I wouldn't fucking be here right now. I didn't say fucking, but she's like, you let him know you wouldn't be here, and that was
so cool. And then you like totally like made him feel comfortable again by like joking and smiling and laughing about something to let him know that like it was okay. And I really appreciated that she noticed that because it wasn't insincere that I was like trying to make him feel better. I was like, and I I love your shirt, like just giving him some kind of flimsy compliment to
like soothe him. I really did feel bad, like this, it's not this guy's fault, he's just doing his job, and I wanted to re establish like we're still cool man, Like we're still joking. It's still fine because I feel like I can be both, like I want to be able to let people know exactly how I feel, but I also want to be able to just instantly go back to being friends, like I like, I think sometimes people misconstrue when I like am like, hey, we're not doing that and I don't want to do that again,
don't bring it up. And they're like, oh, oh my god, Nikki's mad at me. I'll never recover from this. She's gonna fire me that this is all bad, and I like I but to me, I'm just like, oh, I'm just saying like what I feel in the moment, and that's doesn't it's not going to negatively impact the rest of our lives. It's just like a thing I needed to know, right It's like, hey, by the way, we're not doing that, and I never want to make a joke like that or like whatever I'm saying.
And then I feel like I.
Forget sometimes that like it's other people aren't inside my brain and don't know that, like I'm fine. So I feel like I, for a book in my life, did a good job of kind of like re establishing that we're okay, like without having to say it, and he walked away feeling okay.
I think that's interesting because I think it's funny that you put it back on yourself, because I do think when you do that, I think everyone is kind of not used to pure honesty, like especially in Hollywood, where everyone is like double speaking.
And like really not how they feel all.
Positive, which, by the way, is exactly how this person got into the situation. Is they knew that you couldn't do that, but they had to wait for the last moment because they're.
Like, by the way, you can't tell any jokes. Yeah, yes, yes, kes super serious.
It's just being direct. And I think that a lot of times being direct is misconstrued for being mean.
Y're giving a.
Boundary and saying I don't like when you do that, or I don't like when that's happening. It doesn't mean I hate you. And I think we are all a lot of people, including myself. I you know, I'm trying to consider what i'd be like on the other side of this, but like when someone gives me a boundary of like, hey, I really don't like when you do that, Like I could I can take that and make a fucking meal of it and be like, well, then I'm
the worst person in the world. And if that one part of me is bad, then I must be the worst all over. And I do that all the time, so I should have more empathy about it. But I just feel like, you know, a lot of times have gotten back to me later on of like I thought you hated me because you said that one thing, and I'm like, oh, I just was like I don't want that brand of water anymore, or whatever you think.
I think that's like.
The stigmata that women have to carry that when you're direct and you ask for something, you're kind of labeled as like either emotional or a bitch. So I think it's harder for women to do that, whereas with men it's kind of like, oh wow, look he's taking the leadership role. He's he's a service line and the same
and right. But one of the qualities that I really well, many qualities that I admire about Nikki, and I know that like you don't like to be set on this pedestal as like you know, like advancing the women's agenda, but like you're so good about setting these boundaries in like a very assertive but neutral way, and you're also really good at asking for what you want, which I think it's so challenging for women to do it because we are more inclined to be like emotional, so we
just overthink it. But you don't have that, which is a really an admirable quality.
It's me saying, no one drinks at this at the stable.
You don't need to tell us the drink menu, like it's instead of just like sitting there and listening to it to be polite or like yes, you know when the waiter like I find my friends, like when the waiter is like, do we have any dietary restrictions, like Kirsten, if you're listening, like.
Hey, so I have a like mango, there's mango and anything.
It's just like I can't have mango, Like I like, if literally anything in mango, I'm gonna die.
So just no mango, Like it's not it's not mad at him.
Yeah, it's just like we don't need to be like I'm sorry, like mang right, she's a nice person and so like I get that that goes and I can be thought of this rather harsh sometimes.
Sure, the song and dance is getting harder and harder. I feel like as I get older, you you're like this.
Too bright, like you're really direct and like you can come off as rude when you're just saying exactly how you feel.
And I was saying this to you. I think Sean and I.
Were talking about you behind your back the other day and we were like, I was being I was being comfortable.
What isn't that?
But and I don't know if it was behind your back. We could have been facing you.
We were just in a different like I heard Canada, we could have been facing the same way, but I don't based on latitude and longitude, I don't know if we're literally behind your back. But we were talking about how like you, you're not a you will never lie, and like we even talked about the other day on the podcast of Like You, and you were like I would just tell them the truth or I would be I want to know because I'm like, why would you lie to me? And I'm like, Brian doesn't lie. He's
just like always gonna shoot you straight. Like I never question where I stand with Brian. I'm never like is he mad at me about something? But I think that you probably encountered that a lot where people like think you're mad or something and you're like, what, like has that happened to you a lot.
Well when I was I had to like learn how to turn this down because I remember when I was like in my twenties or maybe even a little younger, I would jokingly, as a joke, I'd pretend to be angry or.
Upset about Oh I've seen that too, yeah yeah, and it's just.
Always backfires where it's like, oh my god, and then it becomes a big thing, and because it's exactly what you were saying, where it's like in my head, I know that I'm all cool and everything's fine, yeah, But to them, they just see some guy yelling yeah, and that's not good. So there was I mean, there was one. There was a moment in time I think I've talked about it before in history where I realized, oh my god,
I got to stop doing this. And it was during an improv warm up or whatever that was that an improv theater and there are these two people who I know who are on my improv team, who are talking and I was just walking towards them, and as a joke, I thought I was like, get out of my way, and I went right through the middle of it. Be funny, like, imagine if I actually did that. Yeah yeah, they actually did just do that.
Oh yeah, you did actually do it, and there were people that would actually do that, and you might be oh no, yeah yeah, so I.
Have to like, Okay, I gotta be like and I'm just kidding after I do it.
Maybe, But we're talking about sometimes you will you like in a writer's room, like if something's not funny, you'll you'll just say something like you'll be like, uh yeah we could do that, or we could do something that's funny something like that, and you're not trying to even be Like sometimes I think you're trying to be comical the way you're like presenting that and trying to just kind of like you know, just bust balls a little bit.
But sometimes you will literally say that like you're not even insult because everyone's allowed to not be funny sometimes, like in your world I'm imagining, like you're not funny sometimes, or like you've presented something that isn't good so you don't feel bad calling it out in someone else, whereas everyone else is like we all have to like just fake laugh at everything everyone says and go maybe.
That would work, but not right now?
Why possible?
So quick?
Yes, exactly is totally it's not time you're in the and and I think that that's what I've learned in writers rooms because I I've never been on the other side of it as a writer, and so I've never felt the rejection that I think I would feel if someone's like no.
Not that one, like oh god, you know, like it would.
But you guys have kind of grown like a callous to that because I know Sean, you're very sensitive to that, more so than I think even Brian would be about like having a joke or an idea rejected and now it's you have an immunity to it.
At this point, there's definitely an immunity. But I also know, like I could for some reason the only place I'm empathetic is like in a writer's room, and I know exactly how people are feeling at all times. Yeah, And like that's why I really enjoy teaming up with Brian, because I feel like he has a paternal energy and I have a maternal energy.
And yes, I think and I and like, especially the Globes room, I.
Was like looking around being like, all right, I know who's feeling a little insecure, So I know who I could like compliment so they'll do a better job.
Yes, yes, it's you gotta. I do want to like take care of people's feelings all the time. And I feel like I am aware of like if someone's you know, uncomfortable or whatever. But I I definitely have those blind spots because I'm definitely someone that people have told me is like like I'm just harsh and I'll just tell you exactly how I feel or if I don't like something. And but what I have, what I notice I do
do that I really want to like stop doing. Is when I'm having an insecurity, like finding a way to
blame someone else for it. I think it's like I get it from my dad of like you know, if my hair looks shitty, like I'm just like, well, you know, like I'll blame whoever did my hair last or something or like not I won't talk think you even think about my diet which is not like good for my hair or like what whatever it is like or I'll be like, well I'm not getting it if I'm not getting enough of sleep, my publicists aren't looking out for me, and they're not looking at my schedule and Chris, is
it look like I have to find some one else to blame when really it's just like just let it be instead of trying to. Like when I when I'm underslept, it just becomes like a blame game, and I really hate that so much.
It's so hard not to blame others, like especially because like you know, like you know, sometimes it is other people's fault. Like occasionally I'm like, I didn't, like I really half asked this, and I know that, So I'm like I could be hard on myself for that. So most of the time, I'm like totally willing to be like, no, I could really get to the bottom of this and tell you exactly who fault this one?
Wow, and it was mine.
I'm the exact opposite. I blame myself exclusively. Well, it's okay, I could have done better. I should have worked harder, I should have figured out that this person was going to do this, and I should have been able to what if you?
So I took someone's advice once, and it's something that I deeply regret that I did. Like in a performance that I had and I took some advice and like I didn't even question it. I was just like the person was so sure of it that I was like, yeah, I'm gonna do that, and then I did it and I look back and I'm like, oh, that's the one thing.
I like, why did I do it that way?
But it was like the person that was giving me the advice was just so confident and so like like just sure of it that I took it, and I wanted to blame them so much of like that person like sabotaged my performance. But it's like, but bitch, you listened, so like I I had to then go, it is not that person's fault whatsoever. That person actually did believe they were confident, So I can't be mad at them for being confident. And I have to be better about knowing my gut and what works.
Instead of just trust.
Even with my house, I'm like you, like, I'm starting to have like a little bit of like cold feet of like do I really want this? And I'm like, well, my mom really liked it, and then Chris's mom really liked it. No, I'm like feeling like now I am like I don't even know if I like it or if I'm just liking it because of them. And it's like, well, that's still your fault, bitch, like you still need to you can't blame.
The people's influence.
It's the I'm not going to name names, but it's the uh the Golden Globes host prior to use problem, which is like you're blaming your writers, but ultimately you chose to tell those jokes yep, yep.
And that's and I get I get there almost right away now, like where I'm like I have an knee jerk response of like, oh fuck, that's their fault, and I'm like no, It's like I okay, great, Now this is a lesson that like the next time someone is emphatic, I have that feeling of like whoa, I thought the other thing, but man, this person's really confident about this. Just give it one talk to one more person about it, one more like don't just like blindly trust, and now
I'll be more perceptive of that. It's just like these lessons just keep coming in, like they you'll never end.
You're You're right.
I mean I succumb to this all the time. Like confidence is the most assuring thing in the entire world. If somebody is confident with me, I'm like, well, they have all of life's answers, I.
Should, Yeah, I should absolutely get in the back of their van. Yeah. Yeah.
The key to I think you do this too, So like the key to being blunt successfully and saying like something's bad something's good is to also be free and open with your compliments, Like if you think something like sometimes people are just negative all time, but if you think something's good, you also have to be blunt about that. Yeah, and that's how it evens out. Then you're just a good judge of things as opposed to just being a negative piece of good.
I love that.
Yeah, you can be blunt either way. Yeah, and just be and let yeah, just don't hold back anything.
Like there were times during the Globes where I was like, no, not not effusive about a joke. But then there were other times where I was like, I think this might be the best joke that was ever written.
Yes, yes, And we we would often tell people if that person was like in the bathroom while you said that about that, we would be like, when you were gone, Brian said, this was the best joke ever written, and it was. It was so exciting to relay that because.
You know, there was one joke that I did say that I remember what it was. We didn't wind up using it.
It was someone was saying to.
The left of me who was saying it was shot Maybe it was who was sitting to the left it. No, it wasn't John Max. It was so I forget. I
don't think we ended up using it, but it was something. Well, there was one moment, one moment that like I think was one of the funniest moments was when I think we'd already talked about it, but it's funny to repeat again when we were trying to get the word still out of a like we'd said still too many times in one joke, Like we had started off where it's still time to say this and and we needed to stay still again. But you don't want to say the still twice in one joke. So we were like, how
do we get that still out? Like we got to take it out and we're like struggling. It's like, but I think we need it, and Noah, I think it was Noah garfiggle right it. If we really need it, we can just put it in another joke, like it was about the whole act itself, like this still just needs to be somewhere in there.
That was so fucking funny.
Okay, I'm remembering a little bit. I don't remember the joke, but it was a jest uk joke.
Okay, it was.
I think it was about Wicked and I don't remember the joke, but I remember that was the best joke ever written.
Oh yes, where we were certain, we were as certain that we had cracked the case. My case, wicked wick was the Bane of December because we.
Said that we were going to give out a trophy to whoever cracked the wicked joke.
We didn't even what did Okay, I guess what cracked it was? My uh it was a wicked was amazing. I loved it.
My boyfriend loved it. My boyfriend's boyfriend really loved it. Was that our that was our wicked like crescendo?
Yeah, yeah, I think Conan cracked it in the Oscars. I really liked his wicked joke.
What was his wicked joke?
His wicked joke was you know how we all loved the Wizard of Oz. What if we took all of the supporting characters that we didn't even care about and find us story They're going to college?
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean they're like, yeah, that's pretty good.
There was some it was fun to watch the monologue and see like, oh, we were really close to that joke but we didn't quite get it, or like, oh, we did do that joke but we didn't we didn't keep it, or.
Like, oh there was one in particular that we like that was like, oh man, we came up with that joke and we didn't use it, and then Conan.
I felt that at least three or four times in the monologue where we had tried out that joke and like it we we cut it and then whatever it was, yeah, like because yeah, like uh, just through testing we like the show.
Wasn't like because a lot of jokes just didn't work because of the rest of it. Like it was like there's that's not to say that if Conan did a joke that we decided not to do or some version of it, it's like it wasn't a good joke.
It like didn't fit with the rest of the.
Tone of what I Yeah, one of them was we seriously discussed for a long time the possibility of doing a sandworm costume that appears in an audience. Oh really did it? Yeah, No, we talked about it for a long time. I remember because I was in the park.
It came out. It came up like maybe five times.
They killed it with that. That was so fun, so silly, Yeah, I was. I went to my parents' house last night again. I didn't spend the night, but I went to go hang out with them again. And and yeah, I was uh talking about what it was. I just about to say, did you show you her new spear?
Yeah?
They did show me.
There they found they found in Indian artifacts Native American artifacts.
Do we say Indian anymore?
Depends on what you're talking about.
Well, I've heard Indian casino a ton, and I'm like, doesn't that that doesn't sound appropriate to me.
I mean, I think in the commercials for Indian casinos they still say Indian.
They do advertisements all over the place. In this DFW, I was walking around and said, Indian casino is some and I was like, is that okay?
Is two verbose?
Like, I'm sure there are some Indians who don't mind Indians, and I'm sure there's some Native Americans who don't mind Native Americans. And I think it's up to the individual to decide what they want to be called, well.
My parents found Native American spears. They love looking for arrowheads. That is a big part of their relationship and just my dad loves My dad loves Native American culture and reading about He knows everything about that and so he they they're always like looking at riverbanks and for hours.
And they found two the other day and I asked.
My mom picked me up from the airport and she was like, your dad and I found two arrowheads And I go, I go, as years better than his, and she goes, you know it.
And they really found arrowheads like recently.
Yeah, they find them all the time, Like it's crazy.
Yeah, my dad is hundreds Nikki, don't say that people are going to try to steal them. They're worth literally nothing. Please don't go steal my parents Missouri Indian.
Artifacts safe deposit box.
That's where they are, so you can't even find them in their house.
Please wait. So they find these on like this in the side of a river. Yeah, like there isn't that like incredibly hard and difficult to find an.
Arrowhead thinks they're no, not in my family.
And they follow a guy online who like finds them every day, like multiple ones every day. They're like all over the place, like they they were, you know, before we got to this land. I think they were around for hundreds and hundreds maybe thousands of years. I don't really know anything. And so and they were cutting things all the time, you know, and that's how they ate. So there's like thousands for us. I hate to tell you a pair allegedly.
Yeah, I think I think they were put there with the dinosaur bones.
Right, confuse us. That's a good point.
But yeah, I'm impressed by it too. It's like it's insane. But my sister, my brother in law find them all the time because they're you know, out in nature. And yeah, whenever we were kids, whenever there would be like a field we were driving pass that would be freshly tilled, we would have to like pull over and they would go like look, and you know, it's fun because like an east drag hunt, when you find one, you just like are so excited, and yeah, it's cool.
It's a really cool thing.
Actually, during your wedding, Brian, when I was in wherever that was, Colorado, what was the town called Grand Lake, Grand Lake, Colorado, there was a shop that had a bunch of fake arrowheads, and I bought a handful of them to trick my parents and like sweat out like whenever I would go out to their cabin and I haven't been out. And Chris thought that was the most diabolical thing he had ever heard of. You cannot do that to your hands. And I'm like, it's a joke, like,
and it'll make them happy. I'll never even tell them they're not real, Like they don't get them checked, you know, like they won't know, and it'll just make them happy. I think it's actually a nice thing to do. But if they hear this podcast, then I guess.
Yeah.
Like there was a commercial where I fort what it was for, is like for Dura cel batteries or something where one of the daughters was really into dinosaurs. Yeah, this parents' daughter was into dinosaurs, so she got a bunch of fake bones and buried them in the backyard so that she could find the bones the bones, And no, I find that to be diabolical.
I think it's diabolical. I think it is. I recently did something like that to.
My nephew and I feel really really bad. Well, i'll tell you when we go break. I already told this story in the podcast but my we we made it seem like my nephew broke a world record for sitting on a ball.
On what happened? Wait? Was there a fallout?
Yeah, he like bragged about it at school, and then one of his schoolmates said that he had sat longer on a ball than my nephew did, which was I think he did an hour and three minutes and someone at his school did an hour and five minutes or something and didn't get a record, so didn't get no certificate, and so he was like, I know it's fake, and so I felt so bad because I'm like, oh my god, I made my nephew look stupid at school like that's I didn't even think of the fallout from that, and
I should have because I'm like, I'm so upset still about my parents never not telling me that Santa wasn't real until so late, because it made me look so dumb for so long.
But you know, you make mistakes. I learned I won't do that to him again.
Well here, real, here's how you make up for it. You got to find the other kids that told him he was a liar. You got trick. Yeah, you can either get a certificate or you can tell them something wrong about like uh, the Grand Canyon or something so that they're they have some stupid thing rattling.
Yeah, well, I would say, show up at the school, find that kid and be like, hey, listen, I'm this boy's aunt.
Santa isn't real.
It destroy the He just can be like, my aunt is famous and that will be a currency for the rest of his life. That I actually do think about as a gift giving to my niece and nephews.
I do think that is a gift. I don't care.
I don't look at it like wow, I'm famous, and I'll walk around like that. But I know that if I were a kid, final thought. I know, if I were a kid, yeah, I would have killed for a famous aunt or uncle. I mean, I remember one time my TV Bob, my uncle TV was on TV one time for a segment for being a Maleman, and I talked about that endlessly. I was like, my uncle was on TV, So I'm like, I do think there's part of the reason I like success is so that people
in my life can brag about it. So whenever someone is like I didn't tell them I know you, I'm.
Always like please.
That is the only reason I do this isn't that that's like a cool thing to give your friends and family Like myself, I do.
It for them.
I tell people that Nikki Glazers my aunt all the.
Time, Brian, we have a really weird family where h yeah, I know, I love it.
That's that should be every child's dream. Like when I was ten at basketball camp, I told everyone I was Chris Farley's cousin, yes, and like I'm not, but well.
Sean, even you, sometimes I'm like, no one like You'll I'll be on the road with you or something and be able to be like, how should I introduce you?
And you're like, just say Comedy Central and uh, just like he's a guy, And I'm like, how about you were like Norm McDonald's best friend and opener and show like like and you were, you know, like having a Norm McDonald next to your name and like being having the approval of Nor McDonald is like the best achievement in comedy like any comedian and like instantly gives you this like uh status within our community, even with fans
of comedy. And that's always surprising to me that you like kind of hold back on that.
Oh, I'm just like I'm just so so embarrassed to give credits, Like I really wish I could still do clubs and colleges all over.
We can will still let you have that, But like, what is that in you that like finally reached that level where like, you know, if someone would have asked you what your dream job would have been when you first got in this business, it would have been like being buddies with Norm McDonald, like writing for him, writing with him, being on the road with him.
And then you achieve it and you don't want to talk about it. I think, what is that?
I don't know?
I you know what, this is actually a great thing that I should probably bring up in therapy because like it really was like my dream.
It's any sure, maybe it's like low self esteem, like you don't believe that you deserve that time.
I think that's it too, because you also don't You didn't we just talk about this. Don't you feel like you tricked Norm in some way and that he actually even though he did tell you you were hilarious, you still think you, like somehow tricked Norm.
Yeah, I thought I tricked him or he was fucking with me, and I can't I'm constantly going between the two.
God, it's like even once you get it, you can't even it will never Like we were talking about this, it will never land the other night we were talking about with Emily Catalana. We were on the road and Canada backstage, and we were talking about is there any compliment that would ever land for you where you wouldn't kind of go like that, where you wouldn't try to
weasel the compliment away or kind of excuse it. And I went through every compliment I could ever get from anyone, and I just couldn't really, I couldn't really let any of them in. There was always some kind of excuse I could make of like they're being nice or or they've only seen this work that I've done, and that thing was actually really good, but like the rest of the work I've done was like crap. And if they
really saw that? Who did I just see that was talking this way and I was like, oh, oh, oh it was this morning. Do I have to stay where I saw it?
No?
I don't, Okay, So this morning I was my eyes were open, so you know where they were looking, and I saw a thing.
About it was Billie Eilish singing beautifully.
It's like her infinius in their bedroom that they share, I'm guessing, and they were recording and she's on the bed, she's on their bed, he's at the desk and the recording and she does some like amazing whisper falsetto beautiful, like you know, run, and she's singing and then he goes, all right, that was good, and he's like stops the tape. But she was like that was disgusting and horrible and it sounded literally perfect right like Billie Eilish perfection.
And she was like ough.
She was like this, so I'm so bad and he was like, no, it wasn't that was great, and he's like used to this. You can tell he's like used to this at this point. And she's like, I cannot believe we have to have this album done a day before my birthday. He goes, no, we have to have it mastered a day before your birthday. I'll be done weeks before then. And she was like, well, it's not going to be because I'm crap and I always have been crap, and I'm horrible and I'm terrible and I'm
the worst singer. And it's just like it was. I send it to Chris because I was like, oh my god, this is you are phineas I am Billy. Like we only have sex a little like once a month when we're in the creative process and there's not like a lot of romance going on. No, So I was like, that's so us Like it felt really good to see that kind of It sounds really good to see that kind of doubt in someone that is inarguably just insanely
talented and almost seems to be naturally talented. Doesn't even have to try, even though I think there's definitely a lot of effort behind it in a good way, like she's trained, you know. But it was so good to hear her say like, literally, she's dog shit. She was like,
I'm horrible, and she believes it. I mean, she really believes it in a way that I'm like, that's the way I feel about myself when I'm trying to convince someone who's like, no, you're good, Like I felt so hard the exact same way she felt, And it felt so good to see someone that I know is inarguably the best feel that way.
It was.
It's like that really made my day to see that Billie Elish is insecure.
Of course she is, Yes, why wouldn't you be insecure?
Like insecurity is Honestly, feeling secure is just so foreign to me.
I love being insecure.
I embrace it, and also it helps me push through then I try harder.
It's like, yeah, that's the key, Like insecurity is one way in order for you to become great. Is constantly manifests in different ways for different people. But I think like you need to constantly be saying you're bad in order to actually propel yourself to greatness. I'm sure Michael Jordan was like this is I'm not good enough, I'm not good enough, Oliver and over again. Kobe was probably like that in order to become the great, the great, But also he didn't.
I think there is. I think it's harmful at some point to be like that self loathing.
I think that some happy medium like where you and Oh, I wanted to share this quick thing about like let's talk about famous people. I said it yesterday where I've learned about some famous person that actually.
Like there was a story that really disappointed me.
So this weekend in at the hotel for the oscars, Emily was running down to go get something urgently, and she had to jump in this elevator that was kind of full because the elevators were kind of all fucked up, you know. She jumped in this elevator and she like immediately felt the vibe and there was like what are you doing in here? And she got on the elevator and instantly someone she's standing next to a very famous person.
And that person, who we.
All thought was like cool, I would have been like, oh my god, I can't wait to be friends with this person. The person that person gave her like a really dirty look. And Emily, by the way, is like doesn't. She's never like that person's a bit. She's always like understanding of like, no, they're a famous person, they should be that way.
But she was like, this was so disappointing.
And then that person like kind of gave her a look like what are you doing on this elevator even though it's a public fucking elevator. The person that person's like handler or whatever, was like, do you are you staying in this hotel to Emily and she goes, no, my client is, and she goes, do you really need to be in here right now? And like it almost
asked her to get out of the next floor. Emily stayed the whole time, and so she said, it was like there was another example of like there's a person that, like Emily once encountered in an elevator who uh uh, Like it was the vibe at this event where you do not ride the elevator with this person like they if they're in the elevator, you do not ride with them like they are to ride alone, which is like
a standard. And she accidentally got on this elevator like in a rush because she was in a rush, and she like slid in and then she got in and realized I'm in.
The elevator with the person, and it was like and you're just not supposed to.
So we she was like it was giving that energy even though that person would like deserve to have their own elevator, Like it wasn't like a bad thing. It was just kind of like the vibe of it was like the rule, you know, because that person needed to be wherever they need to be. This person, however, didn't need to have this vibe and it instantly ruined them.
For me, I'll never know who it is because I'm not going to divulge enough and just I just know though that I like, I went from like loving this person, always watching everything they do on my feed, and I went to like almost to the lengths. I'm almost at the point where I'm because I got served them so much yesterday and I'm like, I need to mute this person's name, like I don't want to see this person ever again, because they were rude to my friend not cool.
Like now doesn't surprise me because I'm like looking at all the signs, I'm like, yeah, of course they're rude. And so our new phrase when someone when I like because then later on we were talking to like my hair and makeup team about this person. We were like talking shit and and then Emily said something that was kind of like ball busty to me, and I was like, I'm gonna need you to get out of my elevator.
And so that that's a new phrase for when someone is like needs to just stop what they're saying because you're not in the mood for it.
You need them to get out of your elevator. So I want to like spread that.
I think we can all use that right now of like, hey, I'm gonna need you to get out of my elevator right where you need to be left alone and you need to ride and pee.
Yeah, I love it. I can't believe June and Squib was such a fun. Yeah.
This person, I'm not even gonna give them a gender, was just like it's just so disappointing when someone is like you think they're gonna be cool and they're not. Like, man, it's I just want to celebrate the people who are cool and like, here, let me give a le let's end on a high note. I just posted a picture of Jackie Tone, who is on Nobody Wants This among many other things. She was also in Glow, I believe. But Jackie Tone t hn so funny, so charismatic, so kind.
I ran into her at the Elton John party. She like invited me into her People magazine like photo shoot. We did a picture together. And then Lisa Curry, another comedian, after I posted that picture, wrote to me and was like I love her so much, and I was like, isn't it? And she just got upgraded to a series
regular on Nobody Wants This. She was a you know, a supporting character before and then they made her a main character, which is like speaks to her town like they only do that when the person like people want more of them. And she plays like a bitch on the show, like it's it's amazing that she's able to build this carric like she just shines.
She's so good.
But Lisa Currey wrote to me and was like, she was so nice to me at this one event she like remembered my name, was so kind and we were both just like, isn't it great when nice people are successful? And we're both like, yeah, fucking Jackie Tone, Like that's that's the kind of person you want succeeding. And I would have thought the elevator person was a Jackie Tone.
I really would have. So sometimes they trick you, man, Sometimes they trick you.
Just be nice. Everyone should be nice. It's free, Yeah.
I mean, I would argue that it costs something to be nice.
It takes, yeah, it does. It takes extra hours so much.
Rather just like ignore everything you know.
And just be like, oh my god, it's so easy to be cunty.
When you're in the mood. It's easy to be nice, But when you're in a bad mood, it's just can't just keep going.
Yeah, people go oh, smile and take this many muscles and frowning takes four times as many.
I'm like, but no one is like walking around.
Like yeah, I'm not.
Lily Rose dep on the Red Carpet. It's like doing nothing, takes no muscles.
Knows that reference. Lily Rose Depp is art. Lily Rose dep go look, go google Lily Rose dep on Red carpets. She makes this face every single time.
Wow, it's just she is cost and.
It's art because a second I've seen like some of the video of her posing on the red carpet. The second she's done posing, she goes into a smile and is like natural again. She is trying to look like cunty on the red carpet. And I used to judge it and be like, why is she making that face? And now I'm like, I fucking love it. I love a choice that is like kind of antagonizing people who are supposed to just you know, you're always suposed to be cheery and like so effervescent on the red carpet.
Fucking cool, cool move. I love it.
All right, gotta go, Thank you for listening this week. We'll be back next week. Don't you think we won't Sean O'Connor, Brian Frajie, thank you, Noah, and thank you for listening so much. We'll be in Hartford, Connecticut this weekend Portland, Maine, two shows.
I'll see you then or maybe I won't, but we'll see you next week on the show Don't Be good Bye.
The Nicki Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcasts. Created and hosted by me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie, Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior edited it engineered by Lean and Loaf, video production Mark Canton, and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nicki Glazer Podcast on YouTube, follow at Nicki Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel