The Knickki Gliser Podcast.
Glaser posts here's Nikki.
Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's the Niki Glazer Podcast. I haven't washed my hair in four days since Sunday. It's Wednesday. It seems about right. I'm trying to get all the way to tomorrow. So I just have to wash it before my show. Because washing your hair, it's it's just it's just too much of a process to have to dry it. In order for it to look good, you must dry it, and I don't feel like drying it. And also I get really depressed and how much hair comes out when I do
dry it. So I just like to save that for once and then and then I'll have to and then I can't. Just like, so I'm performing on Friday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, I'm not gonna be able to like make one of those washes last till the next day. I always have clean hair for the stage. It just gives me a boost of confidence to have like a blowout that I give myself sadly in my hotel room.
Uh, but that's not sad.
It is sad. It's sad because it's like because it's just like not I'm bent over, I'm naked. I'm like second guessing everything. My hair keeps getting tangled into the brush. My hair then tangles into the the the hair dryer that I have to use from the hotel. And I would say eighty nine percent of the time at the hotels, the hair dryer sucks and is about the hotel you're
staying at is no one can get it right. Even if there is a little nozzle attachment, which I need for a good blowout, it most of the time that is missing. It's not even in the pouch. Yeah, it just sucks. And I and people go, oh, just bring your own hair dryer. I know Emily is gonna be like, message me as soon as she hears this, do you should we add a hair dryer to your bag of things? I guess, but like it's it's just another thing to bring. But I guess that's.
Started using a blow dryer and a brush in one and it's a game changer.
I gotta say, is.
That the thing you got me? Yes, Oh my god, Okay, I need to use that. I get scared of it because I get scared that it does my hair is gonna get tangled too much over around it, it won't and get stuck, and then I'll have to like stop and unwind it because it like gets too tangled.
Your hair will get caught in it, the same way gets caught in a round brush. Yeah, but it's so much more convenient than having two tools and having to do like a crazy maneuver.
Oh my god, and just the sad Yeah, I get my hair is just so not thick the way it used to be. But you have extensions. How do you blow dry extensions.
The same way I would my hair?
Really? Yeah, but like where are they attached? Like does it ever pull on the attached part?
No? I mean I also have like a head of steel. At this point, I can't really feel pain in my head, but I just kind of do it gently. And also I I hold the part closer to my scalp, and I can, you know, pull the knots out of.
The ascensions get less dirty than your actual hair because I find that when I wear clip and extensions, I never have to wash some literally ever ever, they never get greasy.
I only wash my hair once a week.
So the only hair masks really getting dirty is the hair that's attached to your scalp exactly naturally, it's getting weary. So why so even the end of your hair is dirty because it is attached to your scalp. Because even the ends of my fake hair are is always clean as a whistle, and then the ends of my real house will be dirty. So it's all connected to your scalp.
Yeah, but I will say if I go to like a house that's kind of like, uh, you know, has like the smell of cooking or if we're cooking and stuff, then that's stench stays in my hair and I have to wash it.
Oh, I don't even think about that. I never think about how I smell, And that's probably why no one's ever told me I smell good.
Well, you know that hair is you know, uh, first of all, it's covered in oils and it it really is just kind of like uh like waist. It's like your body. It's like your fingernails that you can cut off and discuss. Yeah, it's like.
Healthy, isn't it. It's kind of healthy to keep it on otherwise why would our bodies make it?
But like, think about the difference between finding someone else's hair in your salad as opposed to your own. Hair. My own hair does not bother me at all. I just be like, hey, gross, but someone else's hair just I'll never eat a salad again. But it's like, who really cares. That's why I literally don't care when I find hair in my food. Yeah, I was just speaking like other people before. I don't care when I find hair in my food because I'm like, it's just hair.
It's like it's kind of gross, but it doesn't really ruin it for me. I just take it off and I hope that no one else sees it, because if people see me take off a hair and then keep eating, they go, oh my god. And I'm like, I don't want to wait for them to make a whole other one and like throw this out because I like need to be an entitled bitch right now. And yeah, and I just think that just get over it. Your food has bos in it, It as dirt, it has spit,
it has feces. Like your food is really contaminated.
There's certain foods that if it had a hair, and it would be worse than others. Like I think I wouldn't eat a hair that was in like a soup, Like if it was in the soup because I feel like it would get mixed up in the broth if it wasn't, Like if there was a hair in my soup.
No, Like, if you there's a hair in your soup and you get I saw it and I took it out, and you didn't see me taking it out, the soup would not taste different to you. You would not die of anything that you would have died from before. Like it's like it just is.
It's you know, it's all mental for sure.
Right then let's all get over it and let's stop freaking out about germs.
I'm also less repulsed by a long hair than a short hair. If I find a short hair, it's like question.
Because it's more bacteria, more oils, uh, and pube. I'm just like, it's not a pube. It's just a short It's like a short guy's hair. It's so funny that we instantly think black short hair is pube when it can be beard. Most likely it's beard and it's short guy hair. But women don't have short hair, so they don't understand it out of side of pubes.
I think there's nothing grosser than when, like if you go over to someone's house, or if you have a guest and you go into the bathroom and there's little short hairs on the on the bathroom counter or by the thing. There's nothing grosser. I don't even think if they took a ship on the counter, I think i'd be less gross because at least I at least I know they meant it.
Oh god, I just don't I would. I just don't care about that stuff. I think. I think like stains in a toilet bowl or grosser.
Yeah, man, it sucks when there's a stain you have, you have a stand and you don't realize it, and you have guests over and they're like, oh my god, there was the whole time.
Literally every time someone uses my bathroom, which I hope would be never. I don't like having people over. I don't like company. But when they do come over or be like, oh, you know, I have hair and makeup. People come to my room and they're like, can I use your bathroom, I'm like, they're sorry. If there's piss in the toilet, I just don't flush the toilet literally.
Ever ever, well, you're.
Always peeking on top of my pee.
I mean you your time spent in the bathroom, I think it's like a record record levels, whether it's showering or pissing. I mean sometimes yeah, it's almost like I have you started. Sometimes I'll be talking to you, yeah, and you'll start a sentence, Yeah, go to the bathroom and piss or even shower, yeah, and you'll I can finish the sentence you want to even pick it up. The sentence won't be over by the time you're out of the bathroom.
Other people are doing in showers. I truly, I've discussed it before. I don't know what to do in there. I get everything I need to get done, and I don't know what people are doing. People are just standing in the shower and just thinking. And you're telling me these people struggle to meditate. That's crazy what you're doing right there, just sitting in the shower with your eyes closed, like you are meditating, a master of your own domain, if you are able to. I'm so bored in there.
I can't either powers showers. Of course, I do hot showers. I would never do cold showers. Kirsten's always trying to suggest cold showers on the Girl's Chat, and I'm like, that's the one self help thing I will literally never get behind. I don't care what it does for me. It's so tortuous. I don't like it. I will never do it. I can't.
No, it's crazy. Maybe it shocked your system. You do get it like that job.
Oh yeah, that's good.
And in the day is I don't know if that's good for you or what, but I guess.
I think it's very good for you. I think it's like told it's definitely it's like that little chill pill thing, like it's shocking. It makes you feel a pain that you cannot be distracted by anything else. All of your worries seem inconsequential because of the pain of the shower. I'd rather do a plant class that is going to give me results in my muscle tone and my body definition as and it's definitely excruciating, then standing in a cold shower. I just I can't. I just will not
do it. And by the way, we're all gonna whatever. My shower is kind of cold and there's not off hot water. I just always think about what's gonna happen with the water wars coming up where it's like we will not have where it's like if things are going the way I think they're going in this like we won't have hot water. Like you're trying to enjoy hot showers now, I'll be doing cold plunges the rest of my life.
When when we are not enjoying the hot shower because they're doing it so fast. The true enjoyment of a hot shower is standing in the shower and just letting your day pass by while the warmth takes you over. No, okay, well here's the essentially pass away.
But don't you feel like I feel like I'm wasting time and I feel like I guess some people might think of showers as like this is me time, no one can get to me. This is the one time I have for myself, like no one's going to interrupt me. It's like they're airplane is really know? Yes to me? An airplane?
Is that? To me?
Napping?
Is that?
I just sent anya a There's a guy that does these like things on the subway where he's like, asked you to have a take. Have you seen this where it's like what's your strong opinion? And then he eithers one hundred percent disagrees or one hundred percent agrees and he likes you on fire. Yeah, I think that. I think that's what happened without that guy. Was that was that one homeless small woman who got on fire?
Yeah, she was.
She had a strong take about something. She uh she thought that the new season White Lotus seemed promising or something like that anyway, which it does.
There's only one episode out right, I love it.
But okay, so this guy had a strong take with he was doing. Cazzie David, Larry David's daughter, had such a Larry David take. Yes, I don't mean to take anything from her by saying that I think I would be annoyed if I were her, and every time I said something interesting, people are like, that's so your dad, I'd be like, well, or it's me. But she was saying that she hates naps and like people who take
naps are losers, like I felt so called out. She thinks that like you wake up from a nap disoriented. It's like it's it's just you sleep at night, you're supposed to sleep at night, Like you're just like every time you wake up from a nap, you're just like what you look stupid, You're a fool, And they're their naps are for babies and dogs. But not fully grown humans like grow up.
And sleep old people. Once you get to a certain age, you gotta have that nap. You gotta have your afternoon nap. My like my neighbor who's now ninety one, I think she takes a nap every day from two thirty to four, and I think it's honestly been one of the things to rob her. That's when that's when I go in and I take all of her jewels and it really is sad because she's running out of jewels and it's like, how much longer is this going to go on for?
Well, she threw them all in the ocean at the end of that movie. That is, yeah, well it's okay, it's I think naps. I love naps, But I also heard what Kazzi was saying, and I was like, oh, she's someone who doesn't can't nap. Like I don't wake up from naps groggy. I don't wake up being like who am I? What am I doing? I wasted my day. I can't get back on. Like I can take a nap for fifteen minutes and then go down and he
Pilate's class right away. I can take a nap for twenty minutes and like feel totally refreshing and then perform on stage. I don't need like a rook. I don't need this, like refractory period. I think that's a word that I thought I was using, right, But it doesn't feel right to like.
That's not right at all. In fact, fract I think refractory is like something to do with like light being changing these.
Maybe metaphorically it works anyway. I don't need that. I don't need that at all.
I can discovery period is what you meant to say, but like.
Maybe it makes sense in some way. I can't look it up right now, but I think maybe I'm going to look it up later improve myself that I was maybe right, but not in a way I thought I was.
The other night, neds you the definition if you want a refractory Yeah, well, Nikki said, refractory periods.
Yeah, what does that mean?
A period immediately following stimulation during which a nerve or muscle is under responsive to further stimulation.
I think that's actually much closer than I thought.
Yeah, is there another kind of definition that makes?
Is there an alternate because the opposite of what you meant?
Okay, yes, I do have one yeah, okay. Refractory period is usually the recovery phase after orgasm, during which it is physiologically impossible for males to have additional orgasms.
Okay, okay, that's kind of where I got it from. I was listening to something talk about a orgasm and it was someone mentioned refractory.
That's actually much closer when you initially said it, I was thinking like light beaming being like angled differently because it hits a mirror. But what you said, I think what you said makes is actually very close to being a proper use of the phrase.
I rescind my comment, thank you, what just kidding?
No, rescined is how you feel after your orgasm?
I don't I don't need I don't need that, so I do agree, And then I sent it to Anya and Nanya said she also doesn't nap. And I have always secretly been really jealous of people. Envious of people, I should say jealous is when you are someone has something that you think is going to take from you. So I guess it is jealousy because they are having more time in the day, which is taking from me.
So I'll stick with jealous. I'm jealous of people who don't need naps because I feel like napping is a sign of laziness, which is my biggest core fear about myself. And I'm jealous of people who just seem to not need as much rest as I do.
And fifteen minutes, twenty minutes, that's the proper amount of time you're supposed to take to nap.
Yeah, but I'm not doing that.
You're going longer.
How long are theyking?
Now?
But yesterday I took three naps because I was depressed, And honestly, napping really helps my depression because a lot of times I think being depressed is just being underslept. And so I slept three supper times yesterday and each was about forty five minutes, and they were great, and each time I woke up, I was a little bit happier, and I was like, I told Chris, I'm thinking of
twenty percent feeling better, and now another twenty percent. And I was finally by the end of the day, like seventy five percent happier than the start of the day because of those they just getting that extra rest and just having that moment where I was like, for me, I was telling Anya, like, naps are airplane mode. They are like they are that time in the shower when no one can get to me, Like I am napping right now, so it's like my my brain is able
to shut off. Anya said she can't imagine being able to shut your brain off in the middle of the day. And for me, it is like so easy to do. It's like closing a working laptop. It just everything shuts down. It's not even optional for me to worry when I'm napping. Like it's like it's I don't know what my brain does, but it doesn't allow me to keep thinking about the thing I'm nervous about. It's like it lets me have a vacation from all my worries.
Oh yeah, I meanata hakuna matata. Yeah, I mean it is. I think also when you're depressed, all the nap rules are thrown out the window. You got It's like having a cold and saying like, oh, do I have to still go to the gym today when I'm sick. It's like, no, the rules are changed because you're feeling this way.
Yeah. I think that I don't get colds very often. I got one, you know, a couple of weeks ago, and I really learned a lot about myself in it because I was like I wasn't feeling visit, like I wasn't my body wasn't tired, but I was just maybe I wasn't registering it because I'm not in touch with my body. But I couldn't go work out. I couldn't. I needed to lay down a lot more, and I my brain wasn't wanting me too, because my brain was fine and was like, you should go to the classes,
you should do the things. And I realized depression is like a brain cold and I need to honor it and lay down and drink fluids and be like gentle with myself. But it's just so hard not to. But I do you guys ever nap? No, you don't nap.
I can't.
I actually envy people who can nap. And this is a household of a napper and a non napper, and it's been really obvious. A napper, Oh, he's he's got to have a nap at the end of the Yeah, we're mixed couple. And if he doesn't, he just can't do anything after work. He's just like like a zombie and it totally revives him. And I just can't, Like if I were to lay down for a nap. I just want like eight hours of sleep.
Yeah, just for me. It's like a little piece of chocolate after a meal, Like it's a little treat that it's like at the end of the but I get a treat, like I get to reward myself with a nap, and it's like it just it. And I will say that it never feels like it's enough at the beginning where I'm like, I only have forty minutes. It always is like it's you don't don't underestimate that you should try napping. Have you tried or do you do?
And I and I I actually took a nap last week and I regretted it because I woke up even more tired than when I went to sleep.
I just needed a fucking real good rest.
Yeah, I just need like a full sleep, like to turn the daytime.
Yeah, rapping is like not the same for you. I mean, you're you've got a baby, so it's like you're gonna be You're tired all the time. You're constantly oh my god, you're responsible thing.
I mean, I was thinking about it.
I've only had interrupted sleep for about a year now, I would say since like seven months of pregnancy. I haven't slept through the whole night, like sleep probably losing my mind.
You guys, Yeah, but are you so tired that you like fall asleep watching TV? Like when I get tired, like, how are you staying awake?
Then there's just something in my brain that's keeping me up. I do, like I yeah, exactly, I can't. I mean I just pass out like around ten o'clock at night, and then I wake up like around eleven thirty, and then I get I would be and then again I.
Guess bitch, ever I am. If I didn't sleep, I would just be an awful person to everyone I know and love if I wasn't getting out it could sleep so ironic that you have to, like, you become a mother and you're supposed to be like full of love and like just like this matriarch of the family that is keeping everything together and just loving everything and being so strong and like it. Just being tired weakens you incredibly and it makes you so unprepared today.
And we wonder, we wonder why so many kids are fucked up and have to go to therapy when it's like your parents for the first several years of your life, were exhausted the whole time.
I just that's just does not seem worth it to me. I just I like sleeping way too much, and I just I would rather I just can't imagine sacrificing that. But I guess you just don't feel it because I never I hear you guys say you're tired, but you don't ever seem to do anything about it because you just can't. Yeah right, I mean the different it's like you can't complain too much or let it in that you're so sleep deprived, because what are you going to do about it.
It's kind of like your baby starve. I think you'd understand. It's like you and getting sick. I think it could be like a similar comparison where you just like have not let that in, and I just don't let it in.
I'm just like I'm fine, you know, like mind over matter, just.
Running on adrenaline. It's like when you're prepping for something, you know, and you're going one hundred miles an hour, and you just like there's no time to even think about stopping, and then when it's over, then all of a sudden, never you're adrenaline drains from your body. And you become a husk zombie like thing.
Well it's Tom Brady. I saw him being interviewed about his first Super Bowl. He took a fifteen minute nap before.
Yeah that was pre super Bowl d roll or whatever, pre tape. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he said that he was and then everyone was like, what the fuck? How are you able to nap? And he was like, well, because I was too young and dumb to understand that this was important.
So I was I think that's true.
You think he lied there?
How would he not know it's important? How would he not know his first super Bowl? I don't think he was lying. I just think he doesn't understand why he was able.
To do that.
I think thrust before he got anxiety.
Yeah, because he when you're that.
I think he understood the important. I don't think they equals. You get you understand important importance of something more, it just means like you were more fucked up.
I think the anxiety was lower because he felt like, oh, I got here my first year as a starter. That means I'm going to get here. So almost every year I'll get.
Oh, maybe it's practical about it?
Yeah. So and then he didn't realize until later until after you know, he had that big long gap where he wasn't in the Super Bowl that he's like, oh my god, this is special and really hard to get to and so I shouldn't take a nap beforehand because you know he just kind of he listens to Kazi. I mean, that's his his monstus career.
All right, we gotta go break. We'll be back up to this. Noah shared on Girls Jet Today a picture of herself from the weekend where she did her makeup and she went kind of like a little bit harder than usual.
Yeah, I went to I went to a birthday party and it was themed, so like the theme was Valentine's Day Fairy and what I was telling the theme, Well, it's just like my friends, like when Kirsten went to the zoo and she was like the theme tonight is octopus and was like, what are you talking about?
They were like this. There was like a zoo function, like a like I guess they do like z at the zoo in Kansas City, like a jazz night at the zoo and everybody goes to the zoo and they drink and they hang out and they walk around at night and it's like an adult kind of game. And she was like, yeah, tonight's theme is octopus and we're all like what what, what does that even mean? And then she got there and the theme was indeed octopus. I mean they people wearing octopus themed clothing and and
different like tentacles on everything. So Valentine's Day fairy was a theme. What are men supposed to do with that?
So it was an all girls gathering.
There was no no always.
Allowed birthday or Valentine's that you're saying.
It was for a birthday party. It was like just a small gathering. And my friend likes to dress up and stuff, so I.
Her she wants to have a theme and it's her birthday. So now everyone's gonna go glam up, go to this party and be a fairy.
And try to nail this theme that it seems very it's opened to many different interpretations.
Dress up like Cupid right the Valentine Day?
Oh yeah, well, isn't he an angel a shareup?
He's a little fast shy. Yeah, very few people know what he is. They've been trying to figure.
Out everyone that's Valentine. The story of it is like tragic where it's like there was a Saint Valentine who was like marrying people and the church didn't like that he was doing this, so they forbade him to and put him to death or something like that. That's what it comes from. He was a guy that like believed in love and wanted to marry people and like got shut down for doing it.
So that that's why he's got the air. I heard that.
I don't know that some ASM artists was whispering about.
It, okay, so trust them, you don't know.
Yeah, they were. They were eating a cake and telling me about the Actually I was reading about it because they're all they're all like Chinese and so they don't speak English. So they write out their captions and then the captions are translated and then you read what they're thinking while they're eating. But it can't possibly be what they're thinking while they're eating, because they put in the captions after they've already were editing the pot the video.
But it's so interesting because I just watched these people read the I watched their thought prossees processes these while they're eating. I just can't recommend enough. So anyway, No, I went to this party.
Okay, so I went to this party and I just exaggerated my makeup, And what I was trying to say on girls Chat is that I had this realization that, like, I've been doing my makeup the same way for so long, and it's just kind of time for me to retire what I'm doing regularly. And my question was, like, have has anyone else done that with their makeup?
Change it up?
Or your style like a hat that you keep wearing, or like just certain clothes and stuff where you just kind of realize, like I think I've outgrown this, or I'm just like, yes, looking like I'm trying to dress. I guess I just keep imagining like those old talk shows where kids bring their parents on for a makeover because they dress.
Those two sex Now, yeah, they never let go of like this one style where they learned, like, they got they got fitted, they got like some advice. At one point, they really looked good. They got a lot of positive affirmation about that kind of like look, and then they they're too scared to go away from it.
Right, I'm just like used to it.
This is just what I know as the tough party. Though. I mean I also went to the party and I I was embarrassed. I thought the theme was octopus and so I was walking around.
Yeah, E ten, Your makeup style has not changed, Brian through the years. I think you've been doing the same kind of thing.
You know. Sometimes I think about that, Well, it kind of not really, But I think about I watched like videos of like Chapel Roone and stuff, and I'm like, someday they'll be fifty and everything that was cool is cool right now will be not cool slash made fun of by whoever is not born yet.
No, I think it will be retro and people will be doing what she's doing in homage.
I think after long enough, it becomes retro. But I think about, like, there are some there are millennial things right now that are lame that people are TikTok make ridicules a lot of the millennial tropes that people And it's like either like like I think about like the coolest people from my high school and how cool they were back then, how cool Like if I I was interviewed by someone when I was like nineteen in college, they were like whatever he thinks is cool, And now
you look back on those things, yeah, all and like all these things that if you go to like a millennial party and you do and you're doing millennial things. That's like lame.
Now, No, this is what I always do. I always try to whenever I get threatened by something because it's cool or popular like it. I always just realized, don't worry. It'll be taken from them. They won't be cool at some point, they won't be the it girl they and I do it for myself. Like I was just having an interview where the woman was like, this is your year, and I was like, it's gonna go away, Like I I got offered to do this thing. I was just
talking to Chris about this last night. I got offered two. I was just talking about like I'm just like kind of overworked right now. And I'm like, when you reach a level where people are like finally recognize like you're good to be on shows, they ask you to do all the shows, and all these shows that you've always been wanting to be a regular on are start asking and you're like, well, I can't do a show a week where I have to fly to New York or LA and I have to also get fitted for it.
I have to be in hair and makeup. I also have to come up with like funny stories, do a creative call, practice the stories, write them. Then the day of you have to like it's just then you got to post about it. It's like it's exhausting to just appear on one show and so and also you have to worry about like oversaturating and people getting sick of you. And so this is we were having this conversation about, well, you got to pick and choose, like what you're gonna do.
You can't do everything anymore, even though I want to. And then as I'm having this conversation, I check my email and an offer came up for the show that I love doing and I've loved doing. And I'm scared to ever say no because it was something that I was so grateful to ever even get asked in the first place. But I'm like, I'm gonna say no because
I just don't. I think that I can't. I'm like looking at how much I'm gonna be on TV coming up, and I'm like it's too much, and I got to pull back a little bit, yeah, because it will go so yeah, like everything that's cool will not be at some point. And I'm just trying to you know, refractory period. I'm trying to make longer.
Trying to make it longer.
People want to come to whatever I do again. Yeah, but anyway, in terms of makeup and style, like no, I Emily has injected some like kind of gen Z energy into my life. In fact, I actually she made me throw out all my granny shoes that were just these like plain white rebockxs that I had literally twenty pairs of. She made me get rid of all of those. And then I saw yesterday a gen Z girl wearing them, and I sent a screenshot and I was like, see
Frans wearing these shoes or whoever it was. Franz does not sound like a gen Z's name, but it was, or maybe it was Maria. I was either Maria or fran On.
A lot of gen zs people's names are like the names of our grand office girls.
Yes, yeah, oh yeah, because that's coming back around, you know, like yeah, it was like Pearls wearing her side part and so but she was like, no, You're not allowed to do that anymore. And so I've gotten a lot of different new style tips from her, of course, But but oftentimes I feel like he goes no you are not a millennial. You are gen Z at heart. You don't look ridiculous when you wear gen Z things. I think that sometimes I do, and it's it's hard for me to know my age because I do feel stunted
maturity wise. I don't feel like a real adult. I'm all. And then sometimes I can be really adult and I feel like it ages me and it makes me act a little bit different if I dress differently.
I don't.
I mean, I'm solidly. This is the interesting thing I am. I'm stopped at seventeen. I think everyone you can kind of pinpoint where they stopped or something happened to them and they are frozen. I determined this weekend. We ran around the van this weekend and told all my openers where they were stopped maturity wise, including Emily and Chris.
I don't think we did, Chris, but go good. Mine's seventeen, but it appears to be thirteen, so I because I was a late bloomer, so it truly is seventeen year old. Me is where it kind of clicked, and that's where I am. But it looks like a thirteen year old because I was not acting like a seventeen year old. When I was seventeen, I was, I was, I didn't act like a certeen.
I agree with that. I think that's thirty seventeen. It's a good a good range. It's tough for me because I I started at seventy eight, So.
You are you are to me, I would say.
I don't think I'm done eleven eleven.
Yeah, how a world vibe of like this is? This is how I determine it. I blur my eyes and the way you walk and the way you stand and the way you like sit. It's like really about almost like the physicality. If you were to like blur your eyes and see that person's skeleton shrunk down, what size you know, it's almost like when so it's.
More like a physical thing and not physical like.
How people's No, it's like it's the whole vibe. An easy way. Yeah, body language is a good way to trump it. Like I'm always kind of just like angsty, like like I'm sticking out my hips and I'm crossing my arms, and I think that that's a great Emily. Emily is always kind of like tucking her hair behind her ears, and I'm like, she's seven, she's squarely seven to nine, like adorable, like and kind of like doing this with her hands, and like she hasn't her body language.
Isn't the shrunken girl that's ashamed of her body, teenager or angry because she doesn't have boob yet. Like it's still like this kind of like precocious, innocent kind of vibe. Doesn't mean she doesn't have an insecurities, and she doesn't. She's not a mature woman, she like, but that's what her essence is. It's like she is kind of frozen there. Noah, you are to my assessment. I don't know if this is okay, Yeah, tell me, okay, hold on, let me get my number and then we'll say it at the
same time. Noah, okay, okay, I'll go three, two, one.
Four, nine. I said nine.
You said four for a meek four, a very mature four. So maybe nine, but like still little girl, not angsty not.
So that's not all. You're not going to go over like twenty five on this.
No, never, You're never going to go eighteen. This is like where you and your adolescence, like where something kind of traumatic happened and you kind of FROs when I was.
That's when my uh when I realized my parents were divorced. That's when, like the.
Actual, dude, I nailed it.
I thought my parents were together that whole time.
That's right, Yeah, that's right.
So maybe that's why that's when I stopped.
Are you really about do you love or not love? Are you? Are you very keen to wanting to know what's going on at all times, like knowing the score because you felt left out of the loop about that and you maybe were like I would think if I was assessing you, But I don't think this tracks for you that you want to know at all times now, like what's happening so that you don't get blindsided again.
Yeah No, that's like my whole thing. It's like I hate The number one thing that really hurts me is being is feeling like I'm left out of the loop, not I.
Don't information or like a party like the.
Like you're an example. Is the worst case scenario for me is I know someone's cheating on me and they're not telling me because this happening, and then they act like everything's fine, or maybe they even act like more positive than normal, and oh God, because of this, I am I am. I think I'm I don't want to pat myself in the back. I think I am the number one judge of character that in in my in the country, I mean in the continental the United States.
I can tell if someone's good or bad, and I can sense how someone's feeling, like instantaneously.
Oh I know, I think I have. I think I could beat you.
You could beat me in a context I.
Really pride myself on not not if they're good or bad, but I think you probably have a better sense of that. But I can tell if someone's uncomfortable.
Oh, sure, comfortable.
I'm always on alert for that that someone someone is judging someone around me, like someone because I grew up with like being kind of embarrassed with my parents I think at times not not any fault of their own, but like not wanting people to think ill of my and just picking up on if someone was gonna shit talk my family, and like, yeah, noticing if someone thought
something I said was weird. Not me. I probably don't pick up on me because I'm like I'm perfect, but like I'm looking up for other people judging my friends or someone judging Yeah that kind of right.
Okay, So no, I'm not We're not even be here, I'm because I don't care if anyone's uncomfortable at any time.
So that's not oh yeah, because I was gonna say, I don't feel like you, I don't think that you're not good at knowing if people are uncomfortable. I think, yeah, that's it's more like you don't really care, Whereas I'm like, I need everyone to be comfortable at all times. I don't want anyone to ever feel left out or feel
like they can't leave if they want to. Like even this weekend we were when you strip or like doing karaoke for the shows, and I was like, I just want to let you all know that you are not required to go to this. It will not affect you opening for me in the future or working for me in the future if you do not go to this hang or if you leave early. Like I just want to make sure everyone knows that kind of stuff, because I know I would hate someone to stay somewhere because they were scared.
Of me exactly. I mean, yeah, I don't. The reason why I don't care if people are uncomfortable not because I don't care, like, oh, if someone's uncomfortable, I just like whatever, It's because I believe that everybody is in charge of themselves. Know that you're health. It's your responsibility to do something to make yourself not uncomfortable.
No, it is not. It is my responsibility, Brian. It is my responsibility to make everyone comfortable because people do not stand up for themselves, so it is up to me as an alan on too. If someone doesn't like their food, I need to let them know. Hey, I'll say something to the waiter about this food because I know you're a pussy and I want you to actually enjoy your meal, and I don't want you have to like you know, like I will take the hair out
of food and demand that you eat it. But if you still don't want to eat it, I will be the one to tell the waiter she doesn't want to eat this, and like I will be the one to tell the pilot, hey, we have someone on the plane that is uncomfortable, like and sometimes the yeah, the person probably doesn't want me to do that, but I take it upon myself because I feel like I'm always like. I think that's sometimes also why people are like how do you do these roasts? How do you do stand up?
How do you speak up? And it's from doing that of being like, I'm going to speak what other people are too scared to because and then they're just gonna tough it out and white knuckle it and be uncomfortable because they don't want to ask for another chair even though this chair hurts and there is a chair across the room, but that would draw too much attention to themselves. I'll be the one to get them that chair.
Mm hmm.
Yeah, Nicki's really good about that.
As someone who uh has social anxiety, Nikki's like always been so cool about that, And you're really the first person to kind of like give someone.
An like an out, an out, yes, an out.
And yeah, like now I will do that too, And I think I think it's actually very helpful, especially in a setting where you're just kind of like getting to know people and until you really know how they are.
Yeah, just give people like I mean, they don't have to trust you, but being able to say to someone like it won't affect your standing with me if you go to this or not, or if you need to leave this early, or if you yeah, if you don't write back to this, like I'll tell Emily, like, can you give me an answer on this? I'm like, you don't need to do this tonight, like it will not affect your life, my life or yours, whether you respond to me. Just giving people a little bit of outs,
whether they take it or not. I mean, but back to uh that, Yeah, so no, where was your sore trauma? So I thought, I know what damaged you the most in your life that you've maybe never spoken about, and are you ready to do it right now?
Several things, But I thought the most traumatic was at age seven when I moved to this country and my parents really explain what was happening. But now that I'm thinking about it, I think you're probably right that it was younger because I didn't know this at all until recently. But my dad would leave for like long periods of time, and again, like my parents didn't explain anything, They didn't talk about They didn't think the kids had anxiety, like
that was not even a thought in their minds. You just go through life, right, And now that I'm thinking about you, you probably are right. It's probably even be four seven. And that's why I have nervous too anxious attachment.
About Like I remember being left with my aunt Line, who was a severe alcoholic and even I knew, like this is very irresponsible, and they don't know that I've got this, and I'll be okay because I'm like a smart kid. But if I were a parent, I would not be leaving me with And thank god my sister has me because she's too young to be in this environment and I'll protect her from it. But I remember clocking like, if I ever have kids, I'm gonna let them know, so like, uh, I'll be back at this time.
This is where I'm gonna just give them more information than I was given. And maybe I'm talking too much about this because I just got done with an interview about like my comedy process, and so I'm like a
little bit in that mindset. But of like this woman is asking me about like why I'm motivated to talk about the things I am, and it's just like I just want people to have all the information because I was not given that as a child, and I think children deserve to be given all the details that they want and not be kept in the dark about things. And I think people people just think they're like dogs, like they don't they don't have the capability to understand
so much. So let's just give them less where I was like, where are we going? How long is it gonna take there? Why is this car going so fast? Why do we change lanes so much? Why are we Like I wanted all the information, I wasn't given it, So I think that's why now I just uh, I try to, like in my stand up, give all the information about things that are kind of like shielded from me as a kid.
But it's a double edged story as a parent, because you know, you could tell your child all this information. You could say I'm gonna be home at four specifically, and then if you're home at four fifteen, that's a betrayal.
Well no, you say around four now give or take a little bit after your.
Home, But what if you got second trafficking, you're home at five thirty and.
You're coming back? Just no, I don't like that, Okay, I will be back. I don't like when people say when I see on like movies and stuff where the parent goes, I will never leave you. I will always come back, because what if you don't, that kid's fucked up and will never trust the rest of their lives. Like nothing's guaranteed. I don't know what you're supposed to say, but I just find that every time I hear that, I'm always like, she's gonna die. Like I just like, I don't.
I don't want a movie. Yeah, I mean I whenever that happens, I knock on wood in real life, like if i'm if I if even someone says i'll see you later, I'll add hopefully just to you know, cover my bases. Yeah, then I'll knock on wood and then I'll do free circles.
Speaking of White Lotus episode, did you catch when the Girl?
I didn't watch it yet. I didn't watch it yet.
It's not a spoiler really well.
Really, it's less of a spoiler and more like I'm not gonna be able to respond to you in an educated way.
Have you watched it? Noah, No, here's what I'll say about it, So I'll just talk to two people who haven't seen it. I I love the White Lotus. Thank you so much to Mike White for creating this fucked up show that is like a murder mystery, just with a cast of characters that has people coming in and out. You recognize characters. They don't always get all brought back. It's always in a different setting. It is a gift
that we have gotten the White Lotus. It is a cultural gift because also you don't get them all dumped at the same time. They're parsed out week by week like old time TV. It reminds me I can place myself with you know, White Lotus season one, White Loast season two. It was like these benchmarks of the COVID where we were all like kind of it's a It was a timeline. It wasn't just one week and where
you binge them. At least for me, I watched through like weeks like this is going to be Spring Summer twenty twenty five for me is White Lotus three, and it's gonna be like a yeah moment and thank you Mike, wait for talking for putting in premises within these characters and the plot that are so fucked up and you're like,
there's no way he's going here with this. Like there is some stuff this season that is a brewing that I'm like, no one touches this, Pornhub touches this, no one else does like it is it's getting in Like if you know what I'm talking about, you know what I'm talking about. There's a scene with two brothers that
I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? This is so weird and it is awesome because it is so weird, it's so fucked up that, like I would think most studio executives would be like, we're not allowing this storyline, like what is going on here? But it's happening and it's crazy and it's something like I've never seen before in something, and I just love all the characters. I just I just love this. It's like reading a book.
I love White Lotus, and I always forget how much I love it in the interim and then the refractory period's over and I am ready to come again. Like I am so fucking pumped for White Lotus. It is giving me a joa, a viv It is like it's it's honestly, I'm looking so forward to every Sunday now, Like, thank you so much for giving us fucking destination television again.
I'll see you, guys were saying, and.
Like destination in the sense that I want to go to fucking Thailand now. And am I obsessed with a song that is playing in the first episode of uh White Lotus that I heard a million times because our HBO was lagging, so we had to keep going. You know when you like buffer it and you keep going back and you have to watch the same scene over and over. There is this song by a group I
don't it's it really was. It was written in Thai, like the language, like I can't even tell you what the name of the song is, but it is so good. And I posted on my story the other day. Let me just pull it up. It's on my Spotify right now. I'm not gonna play it.
But it is what it is. It's amazing, and as you know, it's so incredibly well written, and that is I mean, the writing is amazing, the characters are amazing. Mike White is one of the best writers ever alive. Yeah, and it really is great. I want to meet Yeah. And you know, he wrote School of Rock.
I know. He also wrote Enlightened with Laura Dern, which was such a weird, cool show. He also is a vegan and I just saw a quote from him the other day that was like, I don't know. One day, I just realized my dog kind of looked like a pig, and I was just like, I can't eat pigs again, And I'm just like, fuck yes, Mike White makes it so simple.
He just is.
I just want to shake his hand someday. He just is a He's someone that I it's fine. It's fun to realize there's someone you haven't met yet that you probably will get the cross paths with that you get to like kind of fangirl out over. And he's one of those people that I'm just realizing, like, has brought me so much away. Do you know that he is on Survivor. No, it's such a fan of the show's Survivor that he got cast on it, because sometimes they
cast celebrity fans. I think a couple of seasons ago, and I think he was really good at it. I really want to go back and watch his season because I'm just fascinated by him is He's so cool. But there's there is in the White Lotus Episode one. Everyone needs to watch this show. It's not really an option, and I don't care if you're not watching it and then you feel left out. You just need to get on board. You need to find someone with an HBO
password to share it with you and watch together. But there is a girl's trip that's going on, and it's very interesting because one of the girls is a famous actress, and the other two are like, it's kind of giving girls chat, but like a dysfunctional girl's chat. Because there's three girls. I wish there were more because I think they could do more interesting things with dynamics. But they have too many characters on the show. I understand whether
or not more. But one of them is a famous actress, one of them is married to a billionaire, and one of them is we don't know what's going on with her, but they keep like the two girls that are like killing it, keep complimenting each other, and then they'll turn to the third girl and go and you your life is so hard.
Yeah, it's so funny. Everything you do is so hard.
Everything you do is so hard. And your daughter, she's oh, she's just really growing up, Like they just keep crossing her these nothing thanks.
She gets older every day, incredible understated jokes.
Yeah, it's there's gonna be some really funny fun things to play out. And Parker Posey, I love her so much. I in fact, I just to get I saw her talking on a red carpet and I was just so intrigued by the way she talks and like what an artist she is In terms of like, I don't know, I don't I don't always respect the art of acting. No offense to actors. I just don't care. Most of the time, it just feels like, Okay, good job. But people like Ray Fines make me go, whoa, that's acting.
And then people like Parker fucking Posy blow my mind. And I know I'm a little bit like, I don't know. It's like with napping. Some people get it, some people don't. Acting doesn't blow me away most of the time. But Parker Posey is so nuanced and so incredible. And I went back and I downloaded or I rented Best in Show just so I could watch her. And she is spectacular.
She is so good on Best in Show and she was so young, and she just is playing this character who works at the dairy queen and just she just plays this small town girl who's kind of like jaded but like lost, so well she is her sorry not Best in Show. Waiting for Guffman. Waiting for Guffman. Oh, that's what she used to be my favorite movie in high school. And I forgot why, and so I went back and rented it and I was I was reminded.
It's it's a little bit like you know, comedy's age in a way that you're like, oh, this is a little bit slower than I'm used to now, like any things that.
Peer you know, well, I think you appreciate acting more like when you really can appreciate acting is when you're watching a good and okay, it's a good movie and people are acting in it well, and then there's one person who's not good at acting, and it's just like I was watching a movie this weekend and I'm not gonna say which one, but because this person was so bad in it, it was like unbelievable. And every time this person had a scene, me and my wife we
were just start laughing. It was so bad. It was like, wait, how is it possible they made it through all of these levels to get here to be doing a scene with this person who is one of the most famous best actors of all someone we know, no you, no one knows this person.
That's nice of you to do that. Then because they have an upcoming career.
Maybe, I mean it's just.
Recently because the acting was I mean I was in I didn't even want to see the movie. I read the book and then I was like I don't know. Like I heard about the movie and I go, I don't even really want to see this because it's just I heard that, like some of the parts of the book didn't make it, and I was like, those are my favorite parts. So I was like, I don't want even want to see it. Then there was a lot of news about this movie, and I was like, Okay, now I just want to like see what was the
movie behind this thing? And I was very intrigued to watch it, and I literally had to turn it off in the first scene because the acting was making me feel so awkward and I cannot believe the other story about this movie is taking over the story what should be being talked about, which is the acting is unwatchable and I am not even that good of an actress, and I am so sorry, But I was like, what is going on here? Maybe I have to stick it out. Maybe I make.
An abusive relationship. Sometimes you just got to stick it out and you sit with it longer than you should.
But I also don't know that I am good at telling what good acting is. I really I don't think I'm like someone who should be a critic, even though I was voted most likely to be Ciskel and Ebert in eighth Grade. Don't you ever Forget It? Final thought, Well, the.
Other the other thing is to close the loop on this, sorry to interrupt. The final is that sometimes it happens in reverse where you're watching a movie and everyone in it is bad at acting except one person, and you're like, and then even though they're the good actor, they seem out of place because they're acting well and in a
world where everyone's acting poorly. And this happened when I in the last Jurassic Park movie Jurassic Worlds, I don't know, on on Knife's Edge or whatever it was called that came out a few years ago. The acting in it was horrible, except for Laura Dern, who was so good that she seemed like she was a bad actor. Like
when the dinosaurs. When the dinosaurs would come and they'd be attacking people, all the actors were like, oh, no, dinosaur, and then she'd be like screaming like someone was gonna eat her, and it made her seem like she was bad.
Just scream like a really traumatic thing is happening. Nail it. I'll never ever forget Gwyneth Paltrow in the movie Bounce finding out her husband died in a plane crash, and it's just a scene shot through a window, and her collapsing and wailing is so fucking real, and I just remember being like that is acting. Also Romeo and Juliet, when Juliette Claire Danes realizes that Leo is dead. Sorry spoiler alert, something that has been out for centuries.
Sorry, I haven't read Romeo and Juliet. How long is that that happen?
So? Yeah, since I mean I would guess, let me okay, let me just show you how dumb I am. Let's please show you how. Let's guess how dumb I am. I am guessing Shakespeare was. Okay, my life is riding on this.
Okay.
Let me just pretend there's a fucking gun to my head and if I don't get it within one hundred years, I'm gonna get shot.
Okay, here we are, oay, one hundred years?
Oh god, oh god, Okay, I am going to guess sixteen fifty nine.
Not bad. You're you're you're almost one hundred years off. No, you're years No, you get shot in my head? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're within.
Oh yeah, I definitely to me that's a huge, huge, uh said, that's a success. I got it right when I was.
Seventeen, fifteen thirty late, like fifteen nineties.
I was gonna say fourteen ninety, like I was gonna say around Columbus sailed the Ocean Blue, and then I went, okay, sixteen fifty nine, Okay, it was around fifteen what.
In the fifteen nineties. I think he wrote most of this?
Did you know that?
Off the top?
I knew, I knew. You know. I'm not. I'm guessing it's the right.
Why do you know that? How did you know that? Do you remember when you learned that?
Did?
I mean, I definitely learned it, but I don't I usually remember when I like cement knowledge, and right now is when I'm cementing Shakespeare's fifteen nineties.
Let me see, when was Romeo and Juliet written?
They said between fifteen ninety one to fifteen ninety seven.
That's a really long time.
I know, it's not crazy.
I don't even know if he's the one who wrote this show.
Okay, it was within sixty five years. That's pretty good.
Yeah, yeah, you results you got in it. You did it, you did shot in the head.
Fucking god, because that could have been really.
Firsingiky avoids getting shot in the head's.
Yeah, that's good. I avoid it every day living in the neighborhood. And uh, what I was gonna say? Oh, can I just say I recommend a couple other things to watch.
Final thought?
Yeah, Uh, the new Gabby Potito documentary about that murder is pretty good. They do it in three semi short episodes. I don't feel like they were all hour long. They might be, but Netflix is a way of kind of like really stretching out the details. That one really held my attention. It's well done, very tragic, but has tons of footage because she took a lot of footage and she was influencderr.
Yeah.
And I also her best friend on the show that is seen throughout it, who she met on Bumble when she moved to Florida, because that idiot pulled her away from her family and moved her to Florida, and then she was looking for friends, so she went on Bumble and sound a best friend. That girl should be on White Lotus. She is a fascinating character. I want her to be famous. She is so cool and she seems like she was cast. She's so good. So that is
very I watched all three episodes last night. That was great. And then I'm obsessed with a new comedian. It's not a new comedian, but I'm obsessed with. I'm there's a comedian I'm obsessed with and I can't stop watching clips and I think I've consumed every single thing he's put out in his like ten year YouTube career within a couple of days. And that comedian is Chris Fleming. I've known about him for a while, yea, but I am
He's awesome, literally obsessed. I I it was it as if it's like it's it's it may it's it's really hard for me to laugh out loud at things. And I am constantly cackling in bed listening to his stuff. I crave every new clip that comes up. One just came up yesterday about he's like talking about he has a sixth sense for when a restaurant is owned by brothers. Yes, because there's always a brother that like goes to Austin is like people love breakfast burritos. I can do that
side of things. You do the menus like it's always like these but like it like you have a passion for marketing, and it's like he and then he just goes what is going on with brothers and he just talks about like the relationship of brothers. The tone that they have with each other is like this. You just have to watch it. Chris Fleming with one M for
Chris Fleming. He is I just I was like telling Chris, I'm like, I found my new favorite comedian, I wrote, Chris, and I'm like, you are literally my favorite comedian that has ever been. You're on like my Mount Rushmore. I'm obsessed. I can't. I'm gonna try to go see him at Largo coming up. I it's just fun to like find someone new that you're obsessed with, Like I like, I love being obsessed about with artists, as everyone knows. And he's my He's my new obsession. He is so fucking funny.
He writes in such a specific way. He is he is a poet. Great style, great style. But I love that it's like not the joke, you know what I mean? Like right, he dresses like a like he dresses like disco seventies, kind of almost feminine. Sometimes he's like a.
Really like a rocks like a seventies rocks.
Yeah, yeah, like Iggy's Iggy, Who's what is David Bowie's like alter ego? Yeah yeah, it's kind of like like onesies, like you seek win onesies. He just doesn't. He has impeccable style, but it's not the joke, Like he just is who he is and he's not making jokes about his outfit, you know, like you would initially see him and be like, oh, this guy is like that's the joke, right,
but it isn't. That's just like who he is at his core, he's a he's a just true artist and I and he even talked shit and he didn't talk shit, but he definitely made fun of me in one of his specials. And this was my first time ever even even hearing about him. Someone was like, yeah he was like someone goes like, oh, Kirsten was like, you know that you are in mentioned in Chris Fleming's newest special.
It's on Peacock right now, I forget what it's called, but there's like a sketch at the beginning where I actually that is the one special I haven't seen of his. I'm like kind of leaving some things because I've just I literally started watching him when I was on my travel day last week on Wednesday, and it took so long to get across the country. I watched literally four hours of this stuff, and I keep like parsing it
out now. But his new special is called hell, Hell, Okay, that's the special where at the beginning there's a sketch and I kind of watched it out of context because people were just sending me the clip. But from what I remember, there's something that's going on where he can't perform, and the venue is like, well, we still have this venue rented. We got to put on some kind of show here. And then his like agent is on the phone and he goes, she goes, okay, maybe we can
do Nicky Glazer special. I think she's ready to tape two in the Pink. But I deserve it because I have talked a lot about sex, and it's like, you could like whittle down my special to just like two in the Pink for sure, and I actually appreciated it.
But he like, then I saw just the vagina. I mean you also talk about ass stuff.
Yeah, yes, exactly. I'm so much more than that and the taint everything in between yea and I'm going yeah, I'm going up and I'm doing like.
Clit now and you've expanded your range.
So yeah, PUPA is my next special, So that'll be exciting.
We never thought you'd get to but it's amazing to see how much you've grown.
It's like my fubo, it's for me, by me, all right, it's not dead. No, I was packing one today sometimes, like when you're about to be on your period, that's that area just like inflates to get ready to carry a baby that you are not going to carry, and then your body punishes you with cramps for not giving Jesus another son or whatever. So anyway, Chris, I he I didn't even care, Like make fun of me all you want, because he makes fun of everyone, and I
kind of like it. He's kind of like trolling everyone because he's just telling the truth. He's making observations. He's not I appreciate someone who's not scared to call out when something's lame or when someone's doing something that's kind of you know, I mockable, And he's not ever trying to climb by like not mentioning certain people's names, Like everyone is fair to get called out. And if I want in my artist, I want someone who is fearless in that way, and if that puts me in the
line of fire, so fucking be it. Like I still love him and and you know I And then it also made me go, hey, I don't want to be that person that that joke can be made like that, like I need to be better and maybe you know, and this was already something that I wanted to do prior to hearing that joke, But like, I hope that that joke doesn't work in years to come, and I don't think it would work now for me. My act is not really about sex anymore. But he is just
incredible and I just think everyone should follow him. And I don't know why he isn't like the biggest comedian working today, Like he has a a presence on stage that is reminiscent of like I don't know, just like an arena comic, Like it's he's he's incredible and such a great writer. You've known about it over awhile brand.
It's a tale. I mean, I don't know him personally, but this is the tales all this time. There's a reason why he's not the most famous comic is because the public is too dumb too. I agree for a comic like him to be the most famous is impossible.
But no, I would not listen. I don't know that he has aspirations to be the most famous, and not that he wouldn't be. I don't think he'd be offended if we were to say that he's just out of reach for some people. But I don't know him, but I will say that I think I don't know. I've he definitely is more intellectual than me. I have to look up words all the time that he uses. I learned the word spoonerism the other day, which was so funny because he was just saying that, who did he say?
He like he was saying something about weight. Wait, don't tell me that show on NPR, how like these people are killing with these boomers and these boomers are losing their minds. I have you ever heard that show? The roof is blown off the place because they're laughing so
hard at spoonerisms. And I didn't know what it was, so I looked it up in a Spoonerism is like uh, gicky in the laser is just changing the first part of like switching the consonants, Yeah kind of, but just yeah, like uh yeah, what's the one way you get pulled over and you're like I was in you call the officer something else?
What is it?
Do you know what I'm saying? No, what's the problem?
Off? I forget?
This is like it just proves the person's drunk because they say something as a problem, Yes, thank you. I think that could be Maybe that's not spoonerism, but like it just I've I looked up a ton of words that he taught me, and I didn't retain most of them. I like someone who's like challenging me to go, and I have to constantly rewind to be like I missed that because it was so quick, Like it feels like a thirty rock, feels like veep, Like it feels like
I'm being challenged to be smarter. It's like it's really.
I had to retrain myself to not do a spoonerism. In fact, because for my whole life I had trouble saying coin toss. I would say coin costs all the time. That's like my brain. And so it took me like a couple of years of saying that very slowly in order to say coin toss correctly.
It's like me with take for granted. I always want to say granted because I know one of them's wrong and I want to say the right one, and I always choose the wrong one. Yeah, sometimes smart people do dumb things.
But I have a list of spoonerisms, and I will read you the spoonerism and you tell me what the actual thing is already. All right, all right here, I am belly jeans, belly jeans, belly jeans.
You were saying, I am belly jean.
No, no, forget about I am. That was me just saying jeans, jelly beans. That's correct.
Well, these aren't going to be hard, Brian, because I'm just going to switch the first word. Sometimes they're hard, Okay, okay.
A well boiled icicle.
Okay, I know what this is.
I don't tell me the answer. A well boiled icicle.
A well oiled bicycle.
Oh okay. Wow, it's like it's almost like, yes, I told you to be fun. I could come up with fun things on occasion, but now they're all right. He told us A lack of pies.
Uh, pack of lies?
Yeah, wow, these are harder. Oh what confidence I spoke with that, this was gonna be a lame game. This is fun.
Is the bean dizzy? This one's impossible.
This is the Dean busy.
Yeah, it's the Dean busy. That doesn't even that's not even a real thing. I mean, who's saying that is we.
Gotta go a person that needs to go and talk to the dean about you know, some hijinks that are going on on campus because we got to get this frat thrown out. That's the only time I ever see the Dean is when like a frat on campus is in trouble, right.
Yeah, no, yeah, Or in a bud Light Shane Gillis commercial.
Exactly, yeah, exactly. I do like that commercial where they count down they're like, oh, we can't drink on camera. Yeah.
No, all the bud Light Shane Gillis commercial has been great.
Yeah. You know what. The other one I really love is the one with oh God, George Kittle.
Have you seen that? Yes?
And then at the very end he goes the guy goes, thanks George Kittle, and he goes, no, call me George Kittle. Yeah that's good, that's good. All right, we're gonna go. We're gir wanna go whoa gir wanna whoa? Thank you guys for listening to the podcast. If we learned a lot today. We will be back next week. I'll be in Boston all week. The only show that is not sold out out of my six Boston shows is a Sunday night nine thirty, So get on that if you're
in the Boston area. That one is going to be a triumphant one because it will be the end of the run. I will have a newfound energy. I will be as practiced as I possibly could be. I think that's gonna be the best show of the week. And uh, they're still tickets available if you want to come see me at the Wang Theater Nicki Glazer dot com. So many tour dates being added, so many you know, you know what if I nick Laser dot com, thank you for listening. We will see you next week on the show.
Don't be Cooked. Bye. The Nicki Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart podcas created and hosted by me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie. Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior. Edited. It engineered by Lean and Loaf video production Mark Canton and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nicki Glazer podcast on YouTube, follow at Nicki Glazer pod and subscribe to our channel