The Nikki Glaser podcastser.
Here's Nikki. Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's the Nikky Glazer Podcast. Thanks for listening. I'm Nicki Glazer. Everyone here. Uh Noah, Hi, Brian, Hi, you're on camera. Don't forget to look ahead. Sometimes I watch the YouTube and I'm like, we're all just like looking down in the corner, like we're just recording audio.
And well, no, this is realistic for me because I don't make eye contact with you.
That's a good point. Okay, Sorry, you're giving the viewers of the real experience. I'm in front of you, okay. And Shad O'Connor also is joining us. Hey, hey, oh, listen to that crispy clean, crystal clear mic.
I got a mic now, yeah, you can hear how terrible my voice is.
I know.
You just have the option to put the headphones into the mic so that you could hear your own voice. And Noah, Noah had offered that, and you said, god, no, no, I don't want to hear my own voice. You opted out. I don't mind hearing my own voice when it's live. I don't want to hear it later, right, Yeah, the same for me. Do you feel the same way.
Oh, yes, yes, I like hearing my voice live.
Yeah, I want to hear because it makes me feel like I'm being recorded and then I, I don't know, I feel like it like gives me a little bit of a boost.
Yeah.
Yeah, it makes me feel like I'm on stage.
Yeah.
Like it's like as the would be doing stand up in your room as opposed to like, honest, it's the stakes are higher.
Interesting, I'm the exact opposite. I never want to hear myself, Honestly, when I whenever I paid too close attention to how I sound on stage, all I hear is like a ping on the mic, and then I just start thinking about that the entire time. I just like I like to pretend we're not being recorded, so I could be super unfiltered.
Oh see, that's so interesting, because I'm way better when I'm the pressure's on, and I am not good at all when the pressure's off. Like I look at like video that Emily takes with me over the weekend to like make into a reel, and if I don't think I'm being recorded or I haven't like prepared something to do, I am so uncharismatic. I look like a child laborer in the like eighteen oh nine or something like that. The joy is drained from my face. I'm like, kind
of there's like I'm devoid of talent. I can't even I can't. I'm like, why did I even think I could do a reality show at any point where I would be interesting all the time. I'm so boring to
watch most of the time. And then then Kirsten's mom did a really good impression of me as a child or as a teenager, because she said that, you know, people ask her what I was like, and it's just crossed arms, staring at the ground, like kind of looking pissed, like biting my lip, and that is like I think that's based on the footage that Emily's taken of me. I think that is my stasis.
That's interesting.
I don't have You don't get any benefit from doing anything other than getting praise or like, you need to be watched and seen, and you need to get that praise from people watching you so much so that if no one's watching you, you can feel get nothing out of your own personal Yeah.
I mean, but I will go as far as to say I'm well, I'm having a really bad self esteem day, so let's just take everything I say with a thousand grains of salt. But I had to watch you know that we're working on putting together a highlight reel of my career for like the intro video for my tour, and I had to watch that today, and I'm just like, why is this bitch famous? Like what have you done? Like you are just so bored? Like I just like was like I was like an internet troll on myself.
I wanted to cyberbowld it myself so hard I could have taken me down so bad, and like I think, I'm just constantly. I just was like I came home and I was at Starbucks watching it because I have been avoiding watching it forever because I don't want to watch myself and I don't want to have to give
notes on it. But you have to because if I don't give notes on it, then Chris and Emily just give notes and then when it's not up to stuff, when I eventually have to see it, I'll be like I hate it, and they'll be like, well, you didn't give notes, so I have to watch it. I'm at Starbucks watching it, and I came home and I like was crying to Chris about how I just can't. I can't be. I can't do this anymore.
I just can't.
I can't. I think I'm quitting. I just can't. I can't believe anyone is entertained by me. I can't believe that I've tricked everyone, like imposter syndrome is is working overtime today, like I'm just like and then I had to watch a highlight reel of my life that I'm just like, just give up already, Like.
Yeah, but listen, now you have it for your funeral, which is great.
I just want to be buried in an unmarked grave no one can find me. I want them. I want what everyone talks about is about how you can't find my grave, so that everyone doesn't focus on my lack of talent.
I don't even send you.
Like if we made a highlight reel of like ten fifteen people that are even more famous than you, I think you'll you'd see why you're famous. Also, I mean, like no one else has like nobody has any If you look at just highlights of people, very few people unless you're an athlete, have actual talent.
Yeah, I agree. I think that's why I told about the highlight reel. I don't want any jokes. I don't want any like setup punch. I don't want to hear the audience watching this video and not laughing because they're not in the They're not in the show right, like they're not in the performance where that joke had context.
And so I said, I only want non sequitur. And I had requested on secutor to begin with, but I almost I did the snarky thing of looking up the definition of it to put it in the email, to like unless keys, you don't know what it means. It means, it means nothing outside, it means completely it's completely unteched. But then I didn't do that because I'm like, they
know what that means. So I just wanted to be like little like moments here and there that aren't trying to be funny, like I don't want anyone to laugh at this reel.
But the audience does. The audience would laugh at the reel if you put jokes in there. I mean I've seen a million pre roll like here's what's coming up next at the Comedy Addict videos, and people do laugh at the bits played before you.
They if it's good. They do?
They do? It is weird.
I was always like, oh, no, like I remember being at the Comedy Addict and.
Knowing that your video video had played the week before or.
No, I was more.
I was more like they played Napergatzi before me, and I was like, I don't think I'm gonna do as well.
I can't follow this. Yeah, oh that's funny. I always was like, oh my god, that means that my video was playing all last week during someone else's shows, and like that comic had to see me bomb in front of them.
No, your videos crushed. I saw those videos.
Okay, thank you, Yeah, very good videos. I don't mean to be like when when tell me how great I am. I'm more trying to relate maybe anyone else can relate to, just feeling like what like fraudulent and what's the point and like, oh my god, I have to like keep this up. I feel like what's his name, Leonardo DiCaprio in that movie where he just is like pretending to be other people and he can't stop or he'll just like he has no other thing to do. Yeah, catch
me if you can. I'm kind of feeling like that.
Change your perspective on what that pre roll video is supposed to be. It's not necessarily supposed to be there to entertain or to make people laugh. It's supposed to be there to get people amped.
I just a lie.
To me, though, that feels dishonest because it's like are you ready, and it's like the words like come out, and it's like it's time for look and it's just like and it's like just it's too it feels like I don't I don't like what it. I can't follow that in other words, like I really can't, and like it's just me going like, huh, I guess I've always wanted to. Like it's about like I don't know. I
think I'm just gonna kill it. Like it's all these confident moments where I've like had enough caffeine and my system and just was in a good enough mood on the red carpet and like and thinking about like messages I want to send to younger girls instead of like whatever this is that I'm talking about. That's probably a bad example for younger girls of me hating on myself so that they go, well, I don't achieve as much as you that I should probably think I'm worthless. That's
not what I'm saying. I'm just saying it's never enough, and I'm just having a bad day.
I'm just tired.
And today is a day on my schedule that says no work, and I it says, I want once every ten days. I want a day with nothing to do nothing, and fuck it does it's fine, like the podcast whatever, it's like I can be myself and let my hair down.
But well, no work is that it is short for nothing's working? Did you know that?
Oh that's true, that's true.
That's just how it feels.
Look at the video. Look at the video. It's not for you, it's not it's not meant to make you feel good. Look at it in the perspective of the audience, and if you're buying a ticket and you're coming to see the Nicky Glazer show, you want to see that video and get amped, even though you feel like you might not be able to meet that bar that you're setting. For the audience's sake, it is awesome to see like essentially a trailer for your favorite comedian before they come out in stage.
Think about like the.
Bird shows, or if you've ever seen like an Andrew Schultz Show like you like, I'm sure they did this in Vegas at the Burt Show, right, didn't They play like essentially a trailer for Bert.
Yeah, but those guys just believe in themselves like that, that's like genuine behind it. I'm in the back chugging as Celsius, trying to feel something as this video is playing, and I'm cringing because I'm like, oh, this isn't me like a better video. Like That's why I love bo Burdham's song about I wanna I want to I want to make you laugh, but I also don't respect you for laughing at me because I don't think that I'm good enough. I want to care what you think, but
not care what you think. I want to give you the night out that you deserve, but I also want to do what I want to do, which is probably against what you even like, Like, I feel like not that I don't. I don't. I do respect my crowd, That's that's uh. Absolutely, I actually I respect my crowd more than ever now because I'm like, I'm doing weirder stuff than I've ever done and they're still by my side. But I just feel, yeah, I just I don't I don't know what the feeling is.
I'm just like it's getting too big.
I feel too big and I can't fill those shoes like I felt better in like smaller theaters. Now I feel like I when I'm there in the moment. I don't want anyone to come into my shows thinking I'm not having a good time and I'm not like in it, and I don't like feel like I deserve it in the moment, because I actually do. When I'm out on the stage, like all of this stuff goes away. It really does. That's actually the reason I keep doing it.
It's like it's the fuel that makes me feel like none of none of these like apprehensions I have or you know, insecurities I have, it all disappears on stage. So it's like, yeah, it is real and and I don't I would never want to, and I will tell you the truth, Like if I was miserable on stage, I would I would say that, but I really am not. So I don't want anyone coming into my shows thinking
I'm like, WHOA, I don't want to do this. I will say that I'm dreading it until I step out on stage, But the second I step on the stage. I am having so much fun and I am not looking at the clock waiting for it to be over. The only time I've ever felt that way really is at that Cabo show that we did Sean like where we bomb. That's the only time I'm watching the clock, like when is this over? Otherwise I am loving it, but I'm dreading any I've dread everything. I dread going
out to dinner, I dread. No, I don't. I don't love going out to dinner because I don't have to perform, but I dread any time I have to be on. And then when I am on, I'm having a good time.
That yeah, for sure.
To go back to Brian's point is you could have the hype video and it could be like super like you are the Chicago Bulls in the nineties, like really hyped up, and then you could get two minutes of just undercutting it as soon as you walk on on phage.
Right.
That's a good idea. I mean one time I did that because I used to have one of these reels that was kind of like really selling it, and I went out and I had a moment where I said, did you all enjoy that video that I had put together so that you would walk away feeling entertained tonight because I don't feel like this show is good enough and at least you saw that and that was impressive, like, and then they were just confused, Like people are confused
when I shood on myself because it doesn't go with what the night looks like and it's not what they think of. Yeahs, and I have to kind of they don't see you like that. Yeah, And I know I shouldn't even reveal this is how I feel about myself because no one wants there like someone that they I don't want to say the word idolized or like like are entertained by thinking like, I don't know if it makes it's probably bad for business to say that. I'm insecure and I don't think I'm going but I'm human
and that's what's going on in my head. And I feel like I feel like most artists feel this way.
If they're telling why don't you just not not watch the video.
Because I know that I will see it when I'm off stage and I will go why did you put that one thing in that's so embarrassing? No, I'm like, you know, in the wings of the state, so at least hear it, and I will hear it, and hearing is worse than seeing. If I could watch it, I'm mute. I would be fine with it. I would have no notes.
But what if we put you on wires so you're above the stage so after you drop down?
Oh god, I don't know. That's There's got to be a solution. I think I'm just tired.
What about playing the video at the beginning of the show and then Sean has to come out and undercut the video?
Yeah, you have to follow it. Do you ever feel that way of like even when you're like in when you're having like these great a great moment in your life, you're like, oh, this just means I have to keep it. Like I really feel like if I had a kid, I'd just be like I would just be worried about it,
Like what if it goes away? Like you know what I mean, Like you can't even enjoy something because you're just so worried about when it will go away or when you know, Like I keep thinking about, oh, you know, I'm playing these giant venues and selling out multiple shows next time around, everyone will make fun of me when I only do three shows in Boston and not six, and they'll go like, yes, Nicky's failing now, and they'll like they'll like talk about it amongst themselves and say, well,
she had a big year, but then everyone figured it out or whatever, like do you think about that stuff?
I have the exact opposite.
Whenever something really good happens for me, I get mad, and because I'm so bitter, I'm just like, it's about fucking time, Like why did it take this fucking long?
The hell that way in my whole life.
No, I'm just like I always just think when something good happens to me, I'm like, what if I just die right now?
I like that. I like that because then you have it and you never have to do it and you never disappoint anyone. That is like honestly, sometimes I go like, I think that's the best case scenario for me of having like because everyone loves the story of like what could that girl have been? What would her potential have been?
And you can just go bananas thinking about like what a life this woman could have led, And the truth is it would have been probably mediocre, right, Like that most things are eventually, and so I kind of want to get something and then like.
You know, well, that's then the trailer becomes an immemorial and maybe that's what it should be.
Maybe it should is going to be popular.
Oh yeah, it's that in the real I didn't even think about that. All right, We're gonna go to break and I'll come back in a better mood by all right, feeling better.
We just watched hype video before it during the break.
Yeah, I'm back. I'm just I just don't know. Some days, it's just like, what's the point of all of this? You just have to keep eating and working out and trying to get rest and unpacking and cleaning your clothes and packing again. And I keep thinking that maybe the point of all of this be based on Instagram reels that eventually show up on my feet at three am once I've exhausted everything else. But the point of life is love, and I just don't even know what the
fuck that means. No, or because I don't think it is because then I see Elon screaming at me, and or you know, like happiness, but like happiness is clean clothes that will eventually get dirty and I have to clean again.
Happiness, Happiness is unhappiness it is striving towards something that is so far away that your life is dedicated towards getting that thing. And it seems like once people do reach that pinnacle and achieve that thing, they realize that, oh my god, what was the point of all this, and then they lose even the concept of possibly being happy.
Whereas if you're poor and you're working a nine to five and you're like, I gotta make enough money so that I can finally quit this job and go to you know, Bermuda, at the concept of being happy in the future is still something you have. But once you achieve that and you can just fly to Bermuda, make your job, you goton Okay.
Hard disagree, hard disass.
Why I like gooning is because it's it's it's the promise of something good that is down the pike or pipe or whatever. They say, yeah, and it's not it hasn't arrived jets, because once it arrives, it's only going to go away. It cannot it can maintain, but it's going to be really hard. It's not gonna fee as good as when you first got it, So it's diminishing returns no matter what or it goes away, it doesn't get really better. Okay, No, what's hard to disagree.
Okay, hard disagree because I feel like that kind of focuses on the financial aspects, which yeah, okay, that will make people less stress, but I don't know if that equates happiness. Happiness is what I learned over the weekend is the ability to empathize and emotional regulation. So if you can regulate your emotions and be an empathetic person, that means that you have a great social circle and really meaningful friendships and stuff.
Oh that's so, that's so inspiring because to me, I was going to hard disagree with both of you and say, happiness is looking at your phone.
Let's yeah, let's talk about what makes when we are genuinely that happy as we are.
That's dopamine. I mean, if you want to equate happiness.
Isn't isn't dope happiness? How the fuck do you? That's the that's the that's the thing that goes off in your that's the chemical that's rushing through your no system.
Happy dope?
If not, when you're happy, dopamine is a chemical that's meant that's meant to get you to do something to make you happy.
That's what dopamine is.
So when you're looking at your phone, you're searching for happiness and you're getting this feedback that, oh my god, I'm getting closer to the thing that's gonna make me.
Fact makes me happy, though, dopamine is what makes me happy. I do not like. I just realized I don't like happiness. I like.
I'm hard agreeing with Nikki, I don't actually know what real happiness is.
To be meditating, I don't have to.
I want to meditate so bad, but I am sometimes I'm too depressed today to meditate, like I have no hope today, like that when you're in like that kind of depression, I don't have I don't care about the cure. I don't want to find it. I don't want to do your little exercise Nikki from last week, who was like hopeful about meditating, I don't want to do it.
I don't even care about feeling happy. It's pointless because I'm just gonna feel like this again because last week I felt happy, and now I feel like this again. What is the goddamn point? That's how I'm feeling today. But I will say that the happiest I am is when I am done with something and I get to be on my phone in my bed watching as MR videos with one AirPod in the other, not because I have to sleep on my side. And if you sleep your ear into the pillow with an AirPod and it
goes hair. Do you guys have that same thing happen if it pushes in your ear too much.
I just put on a speaker, you do.
I don't want I can't have Chris hearing me listen to these Asian women. I can't have him here these tiny Asian women eating cakes at two times the speed.
I can't have that.
You don't want to know that that will make him horny.
Or I like it's too embarrassing what I listen to, But that is that is my happiness. And then having the dog has already pooped and peed recently, that is also happy. She's tucked in the bed next to me. She's not like wanting to play, She's been like exercised enough. Okay, so dot dog is done. I'm I have nothing on my to do list. I'm in on do not Disturb, and no one's waiting for a reply for me on something. And I have at least eleven hours ahead of me with nothing to do.
That is happening.
Yeah, I have to wake up.
I agree with that, and then you're just free. Even more than eleven hours would be.
Nice, Like oh, I mean, I'm not getting greedy here.
I mean I would.
It would be amazing. The two ful days does not exist today. I'm supposed to have nothing to do. And I woke up and Emily is so sweet. She like text me every morning with my to do, like I need a response on this, and it's like numbered one through literally forty eight, and it's like and I'm like, this is not a day off. When I wake up at seven am to walk my dog and there's a nine point checklists and I know Emily's gonna text me right now being like, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
I love the list, Emily, and you need that information like that is that is a crucial. But like I had to wake up this morning and I know this
is like Nikki, I would kill for your life. I know there's a thousand people thinking that right now, at least of but I had to wake up this morning and go through all of the pictures from this weekend, which I don't want to see because I've recently gained weight, I didn't have a spray tant and I didn't like a lot of the dresses that I put on my body, and I and my face is just doing things I don't like right now, and my hair is breaking off, so I look like I always have like a halo
and I've been to the Magic House. If you're Frond Saint Louis, you know what I'm talking about, and it's like hair sticking up on end, like it's so anyway, I was going through all these pictures, then I had
to format them, then I have to post them. Then I have to write a caption that's like and then I just picture like a comedian reading my captions and being like, she's too sincere, she should be funny, And then I try to think of something funny, and then I just give up because I'm like, I don't want to try. I hate trying to be funny. It's like so exhausting, so that I'm just sincere. And then I post it and I don't look at it. I just
I wish I was that cool of a girl. Like there's some girls that just really make this look so easy, and they they're like very high fashion, but they're still relatable.
The only people that are consistently happy one hundred percent of the time are idiots. I mean that's like the people who are walking through life constantly happy. You have no idea what's going on, have no conception of like how they're perceived.
And that's that's true.
They're driving cyber trucks. I think the people that are happy.
Those people are like the hangriest people on the planet.
I know they're narcissist happy where they don't know that they're not happy, but they don't know what comes from a place of insecurity.
Yeah, no, I get that. I get that, But I feel like cyber truck.
The reason why you buy a cyber truck is because you're so angry and embittered with the world that you just want to be in constant troll mode. Your whole life is I want to get into several confrontations today.
Yeah, this is the this is the quickest way.
The quickest route is by buying a cyber truck and driving our around town.
Yeah, here's what I'll say. I don't think anyone's happy. I think people are happy at times. I think we're all happy at times, but I don't think consistently happy is actually a way that you can actually live that is, like, like I think you you have to.
It's all a roller coaster.
There's ups and downs, and now me, I'm on SSRI so I never even have an up or a down.
I am just.
Really was craving those today. I was craving feeling nothing today so much because it's just so hard to to to like fake it.
They're all like some people though, who are psychotically happy all the time. And we met a couple of them. Uh, who's the We met that Nick Swisher?
Nick Swisher, remember him?
He was happy?
Mm legend he's happy all the time.
And then that guy we interviewed from the Not Safe podcast who lived in the back of OJC Sin's house, Kato kato'kalin. He seems constantly psychotically happy.
Happy.
No way is Kato Kalin happy?
Okay?
Well, Nick Swisher at least is a great example of someone who is somehow figured out how to be one hundred percent happy one hundred percent of the time.
I tell you how, he's a baseball player and they don't think about anything outside of basement. That's right, nice and like I was watching a clip today of like the Mets First Basement, Pete Alonso is signing a ball for a child that's spring training, and like he just looks at the kid and goes school sucks, Right, I feel like that was like a perfect encapsulation of the baseball player's brek.
Yeah, school does suck.
That that was such a simple thing, that was like the worst part of life when you were a kid. I mean, I know a lot of kids have a lot worse things going on than.
That, Like co for the kid, it's amazing that he was able to relate to that kid on such a level.
I mean, but that is like all you think sucks when you're a kid. Yeah, Yeah, like you got litterbugs sucked, Yeah, litter.
Bug litter soul. School sucks.
You don't realize that your parents' marriage sucks until you're.
Vegetable.
You're so right.
It's it's happening right in front of your eyes and
you don't know it. Yes, I went over to my parents' house last night actually because I got into town and I can't be alone, and so Sean relates and I and so I instantly I just dropped my bags at seven o'clock and then and I traveled all day yesterday from seven six point thirty in the morning until seven pm at night and delays, just sitting on sitting on a plane next to a monk in full monk garb in first class, which I'm like, how's this monk affording first class?
Yeah?
Yeah, but maybe he's just got the miles. Maybe he's a traveling monk. But also the monk was playing Sudoku or like playing some kind of of like game. And he also when I like got it, he was sitting on the aisle and I was sitting in the window. And when I like was boarding the plane, he was on the island. I was like, hey, I'm right here, you know, and he like got up like fast, and he slammed his head like on the It was just so funny to see like a man in religious garb
be clumsy, you know. Like I was just like, he's like, oh like.
Religions.
Oh.
It was crazy. And then we sat next to each other, and then I texted Chris because Chris went to a school that monks taught at, and so I was like, would you recognize this monk if I sent a picture and he said, no, I said, he's a all brown. He's like our monks were black. So anyway, then the plane sat on the tarmac for two and a half
hours and the monk was getting agitated. It was so nice to see a man who's like has a relationship with God and like knows where he's going in the next life, and like to see him get anxious and likely kind of shifty in his seat. Like you think those kinds of people have it all figured out and don't even need their phones to entertain them, right, Like you would just think they could just sit there peacefully and accept what is handed to them.
Contrescription to New York Times games.
And has to be like a T mobile store and like.
And this slower and.
Was this though like leaving Portland.
No, this was in Denver to Saint Louis.
Oh okay, because I was like people in Portland just dressed like monks.
That's true. We had a good weekend on the road in the pn W almost a panc that's a bank. We were in Tacoma for two nights, then we were in top and Ish for a couple hours, and then we were in Portland for two nights. So we flew. We did Tacoma for two nights at a casino, the Emerald Queen Queen, thank you. Uh, those are really fun shows. And then we took a private plane, which I'm not even going to get into, but we I mean, I'm
not going to get into why we did that. I think we did it because as someone said, that'd be cool, and I just go great. And then it was fifteen thousand dollars for no reason because we literally it took
longer to fly there than driving would have taken. So I don't know what happened, but I think when someone suggested it on a call, I assumed it was like a seven hour drive, thus, oh, that would make sense to fly, But it was a three hour drive, and it was a half hour drive to the airport alone, and then we had to sit on the tarmac and then the flight where we all lost I think years of our lives worrying about a crash. I mean, I was so stressed out the whole weekend about this fucking
private jet flights. And I'm not someone who gets flight anxiety that I would have driven seventeen hours to avoid what the stress that it gave.
Me, it gave me so much stress that it single handedly solved my fear of commercial flights. I didn't even use I didn't even use medication. Going home yesterday. Yeah, like, for the first time in ten years, I it felt like a car.
It felt like a car, a private jet.
And then I was like, I feel so safe, and we land and I look at my phone and there's some plate upside down in Toronto.
Yeah.
Yeah, that but they all survived, and that seems like very exciting and terrifying. I mean, they're all like gonna be fucked, but you know, traumatic wise, but wow.
Good Sean is known as exposure therapy. You exposed yourself to something and then you exposed yourself to such a heightened degree that the lesser stuff feels like it's nothing.
Now.
God, it felt I felt electric yesterday getting on that plane.
I'm like, I now, true.
It's not scary at all. Commercial jets don't crash. Private jets jew and the one we were in certainly would have. We were And again here's the key Glazer complaining about her fucking, very fortunate, privileged life.
She's complaining about private jet, private jet, And.
It's not the private jet that you're picturing that people are popping champagne on and like get having massuses and there's like fruit trays and like the private jet I took to the New Orleans was amazing. No, there was. There was a little a couple of bags of skinny pop. But it was like it was not it's not a it's it's an I mean it's a single engine prop plane.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was single engine prop plane.
It was obviously from the eighties because like in the seat rest there was like a TV guide and the pilots like I'm not kidding when I say this just would not be hired, but like they were.
They would struggle getting work at Starbucks.
Yeah guys, but what.
But what they did not dress like pilots. They dressed to like they dressed like they were going to take you out fishing. They would not assuage our fears about because we were like, hey, we have some nervous travelers aboard aka Sean, Like like Sean was really nervous and
really anxious. And when Sean gets anxious, he asks Like Sean is like one of the smartest people I've ever met, Like doesn't forget things, remembers literally everything he I've been trying to get him on Jeopardy because he just has a great mind for like trivia and remembering things. Sean, when he's nervous, cannot remember how long a flight is. He will literally ask how long a flight is going to be, Like I would say, like fifteen times in a thirty minute span, Like he will ask me. He
will ask Emily. He will ask the Emily to ask the pilot how long is it going to be? And we're like, we just told you five minutes ago it was going to be thirty minutes. It's it's crazy, but he like can't retain it because I think it gives him a sense of control. His brain chooses to forget so that his brain is able to get some kind of information that can like assuage this like fear coursing through his veins.
I think so that sounds right.
Guys, we told them, we go, hey can we was? Sean even asked, Sean's brave enough to say, hey, can you ask them is it going to be a smooth flight? And they go it should be?
They were too casual.
But feel lie. Even if you don't think it's going to be, just lie, what is it? You can always just say, whoa, we didn't expect that. But why not just like make your passengers feel or just have empathy.
Because then maybe you freak out if you say, yeah, it's gonna be completely smooth, like gliding on a smooth plane.
No, you just communicate to us listen, like this is what pilots need to do. Do I need to say it again and again. Just communicate to people on the plane. There's always going to be especially on a passenger jet with hundreds of people, there's going to be at least twenty people on there who are scared to death the entire time. All they want is to know that you
are okay with what's going on up there. So any kind of shift, shift in altitude, any kind of like twist or turn or bump, just get over the thing and say ever, just want to let you know this is completely normal, like anything that seems out of the ordinary. Just communicate to people, especially since it's telling you good speed of where we're landing. Stop giving us we're telling us about the new credit card, Like why are you
wasting our ear? You have no problem getting over the intercom with that bullshit or telling us little jokes that you you know, learn from a joke book when you were taking a shit one day and pertained for the rest of your life to give yourself a personality. Why don't you tell us actual things that will help people feel better because they're not They haven't flown six thousand
flights like you have. They have they have nerves. Like again, you're right, Noah, it's empathy, like think of other people. And these guys we literally told them people are nervous on the flight, and they wouldn't give us it, and they just like I didn't like their cavalier attitude about the whole thing, and and kind of just like they're like, well, we could make it a little bumpy, And it's like, don't you even fucking dare joke about that?
Yeah, you were literally flying over Mount Rainier like we saw it, like we were at that same level of that mounted Like there was like something going through my head where I'm like, if we crash, who am I gonna eat first? It was gonna be Tommy.
Now the guy Like if the guys are the guys are gonna probably hear this podcast and be like, Oh, she's such a bitch. You guys know what you were doing? I liked that. I almost like their cavalier attitude because it made me realize, like they just look at this like driving down the road it was seven eleven to pick up some cigarettes, like they they do not think that's what I's trying to tell Sean, But they were
a little ka about it. And if you don't know, KA is guys listening like just we know you are used to this, but we aren't, right. So and also I'm paying so much fucking money and maybe you're not seeing enough of that money, and that's a problem with like the way the company works for you to give me the experience that is a little bit less than like where are you walking the doors on the other side, like making fun of us for not knowing where the door is, or like I don't know, I don't know.
It was just like it was just not a luxury experience. But maybe I didn't pay for one. Maybe I thought the price that I paid was a luxury experience, but maybe it wasn't.
No, I think that is.
Do I fear complaining, yes, because will I do? I fear they're just gonna like someone will crash next time, because they're like, she's a bit and entitled. I'm usually so grateful, and I am grateful like they it was a safe ride. They did land smoothly, they did. I would have liked to know when we were changing out to because all of a sudden, it just drops and you're like, oh, the engines are failing, like it is an abrupt like ready to descend, like a little warning
of that would have been fine. Not leaving us on the tarmac freezing cold for twenty minutes would have been cool.
In complete darkness, okay.
Complete darkness.
Okay.
So we get to the get so it's the same We have the same pilots to fly there. So we fly into Yakima.
On which if you've if you've never been, you're exactly everyone else in the state of watching.
No one. No one in Takoma, which was three hours away. I've ever even heard of Yakama.
So we fly into.
Yaka Apple City. They've got great They a lot of apples come from Yakima, Okay.
A lot of hops too. It's a big, hoppy town. And so we we fly to Yakima and it takes as long as driving would have, and it's way more stressful and all that stuff. But that's fine, and then we land. We then we have that we're gonna have the same pilots. Hours later, we go do the show and then we come back. We drive forty minutes to the show. We do, the show, we come back is dark when we come back.
Also, the show is incredible, like so top.
Aish is outside of Yakima. Amazing people, amazing show, so much fun. Yes, I don't remember the name of the casino, Sean.
It's like if I say, if if I.
Break Spirits, Spirits, spirit falls something like that, like.
Flying Eagle or like Spiritfall, Like I don't it's gonna sound racist when I think it gains.
Yeah, but the people that really cared, the lighting guy like went the extra mile like it was it was. It was a great show, and the audience was like really down. It was so fun. So then we go back to so on our way back, both Erica and my tour manager and Emily are texting with the company, the flight company being like, our ETA is this. So we get we get back. They're expecting us. Our luggage is still on the plane. Right we get back, We get out of the car, the carpools onto the tarmac.
We get out of the car, and they're loading our bags onto the plane, but the door for the plane is not open. We're all just kind of like standing there. It's cold, it's icy, it's like there's no lights even on the tarmat, like it's kind of like barren. And the terminal shut down. It's like a small terminal and they're not open because it's late at night. So we're just kind of waiting there, and then I eventually was like, can we go inside, you know, or like what's going on?
What they should have said was will you guys stay in the car because we're not ready for you. But what they did do was open up the hatch and led us into the plane, where we got in the plane and sat there for twenty to thirty minutes, I would say maybe even longer. They put the luggage, they stowed it, and then they left us on the tarmac in the cold, in a pitch dark airplane with not even the ignition turned on, nothing turned on, no safety lights.
No safety lights, and it's fourteen degrees. It's fourteen degrees at ten thirty pm, and.
Like literally nothing like we and we're like, where did they go? What's going on? We have no community and everything, and the like back hatches was still open. I think, like maybe they're still loading things, but you can tell that they were just like, fuck, these people were not ready for them. Let them on the plane and just make them sit there, when they could have just said stay in the suv. You guys got out to soon.
We assumed the plane would be ready for us, because why wouldn't it be, like you've been at the airport the whole time, you knew we were coming. We gave you a forty minute heads up.
And then this reminds me of This reminds me of like when you get a limo for prom and it's supposed to come pick you up, but like it just like leaves you with the coolba guy like forgets about you because he's at the gas stations.
Yes, yes, it felt we were out of control.
Because something's expensive doesn't mean it's gonna be good. I think plane companies are just like any other company, where there's good ones and there's bad ones. Yeah yeah, and you got a bad one. This does not sound normal to me.
It sucks.
Yeah, it sounds like I'm complaining about something that was really nice. But it was like it was really hilarious and I and I'm I'm the only recognizable one of all of us, so I can't be the one complaining because then it no one can complain because then everyone goes, she's a bitch, and then it gets around the pilot community, which is art. This is already going to I'm sure private, this is gonna make its way through and be like she she doesn't know the rules.
They want happen to this.
They shouldn't let us on the plane.
You are going to get a message from somebody who owns a private plane company saying come to us.
I'll treat you right.
But I don't think we're ever going to fly private again if I can help. It was so fucking stressful for our nervous systems, Like I'm I think I'm still recovering from it, just thinking I'm going to die. And I even wrote a card to my mom saying I loved her and that We're probably going to die on this jet. Because they had a station for Valentine's Day cards in the airport, the little terminal wrote, yeah, I wrote,
but then I didn't send it. I just kept it in my bag because I was like, oh, if we find it, in my I'll put in my leather purse which will probably won't burn up in the crash, and I tucked it away in there. I felt I was so anxious, but I couldn't show my anxiety because I felt like you were more anxious, And there's nothing worse than like the person who's usually not anxious me being anxious. That would have thrown you off. Yes, Dad can't cry, So instead I was just making jokes and pushing down
my fear. And then I like, I think that's maybe why I'm like depressed this week. I'm like recovering from that like anxiety or that that I pushed down. And then also what was I gonna say?
Oh?
Then, so we're on the plane and Emily's like not worried about she is not freaking out all and and Sean's kind of like interviewing her buddy. He's like, so you're not scared at all? Right now? Like nothing? She's like no, not really, you know what you need? You need a chill pill or like what She's like, you need you should try chill pell And we're like what are you?
Yeah?
The cool cool phrase like remind me of my mom's friend back in the nineties, who'd say take a chill pill to her daughter. But it's a real thing that Emily has. She was like, you know the thing that shocks your hand. And I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. She's like, Nikki, oh my god, I've showed you. And I was like, I would remember that. Don't make me feel like I am a senile person
like I. I forget a lot of things. I forget people's names, I forget I do not forget a little device that you hold onto and it shocks your hand so that you don't have anxiety. So it's called a chill pill. She learned about it from Rosi O'Donnell on the TikTok. She assumed she had showed me. She had never showed me this thing. She bought one. It is
a little it's shaped like a grenade. You hold it and it shocks your hand, and it buzzes and shocks your hand, and it goes for twenty minutes and you hold it and when you're having anxiety, it distracts you. You're not able to think because it's such a it's an amount of pain that's just enough pain to be distracting. But not enough to actually like hurt, and it actually calms your mind. And I am addicted to it. She
gave me hers. We bought them all. I bought one for everyone on our tour because I'm like, I just think everyone needs this, because we were all like, wait, can I hold it up or try it? And then we were all like wait, wait can I try it again? Like we were all getting such soothing feelings from this thing. Didn't it work?
Sean, Oh, it's incredible.
Like I straight up went on stage with a panic attack on Sunday and just like pushed through it. And then after I just used the chill pill and I felt incredible, Like yes, I.
Feel like I'm never gonna have a pack at attack again.
Well, Emily said she used to have really bad anxiety and she doesn't anymore because of the chill pill. She was like, you can just have mine. I don't even need it anymore. I used to need it all the time. I used to hold it to go to bed with. I've been falling asleep with it. I woke up with this this morning because I was depressed. I was like, I was going to hold this for a little bit. I really think it will like help with my depression
and anxiety. Like I wanted to bring it on stage one night because I was just feeling a little down, But I don't think it's good for like performing. I was holding it all weekend long. I just started over. Every twenty minutes, I started over, like I can't stop. It was the same thing I was doing with Ari. Ari had bought me these those little pads that shock your muscles.
Oh, the tens machine.
Yes, that that's why I was addicted to tens because it was like causing enough pain that was distracting from my mental anguish. Yeah, and it's like cutting, but it doesn't It's doesn't leave a scar. So if this is interesting to anyone, try look up the chill pill on Amazon. There's sixty bucks, there's Shawn's and you hold it in your hand. Yeah, and it looks like a little keyfob. Yeah bybe You just plug it in. Yeah, you just
charge it with a charger. Yeah, and it's I'm I'm I can't wait to uh for people to get these because I cannot believe it took me so long to find this kind of thing. So I really wanted to talk about that today, and I'm glad we did. Okay, we have to go to break. We'll be back up to this. So then we go to Portland after Yakima, and Portland is amazing. We had amazing brunches twice in a row at the Jam. Emily got us in there.
It was totally booked up, but she called and she worked her ways and she alluded to like, oh, it sucks that you guys are busy today. We're only in town for two days. And that led to the woman going what are you in town for? Oh? I work for Nicki Glaze like and then the one was like, well, we can make some room. So the Jam got us and jammed us in nice both days Saturday and Sunday. Inland. It's so good on Hawthorn it was delicious. We had such a good brunch two days in a row. And
then on Saturday night after the shows were incredible. Crowds were great, the the theater was amazing, huge, so many people, so fun. Yeah, crowds up there just like get it.
I just along with everything.
It's like there's not even the Yeah, they're not repressed at all. They're just kind of like let it, like let an artist work.
Yeah, you can expect it all the way down to North Call and San Francisco. I think San Francisco up. I think it's all the same. It's just like this still.
Gets a little woke. Well where they'll be like, are you making fun? Are you marginalized?
I guess I could get a little woke.
Which I'm all for. I'm I'm woke as fuck, but I you know, they can get a little sensitive on behalf of people, I feel whereas and it will go. It does go all the way up to Vancouver as far as I know.
Yeah, the whole go to Alaska. Yeah, Antarctica.
This is the wocus comedy tour in America right now.
And so we but Portland was Portland is cool, like it's a great cool city. We went and did karaoke on Saturday night at this place called the Hallway.
And which is a shining theme for like for real reason.
Yes, and it's very funny.
Like the Stanley Koprick movie.
Yeah because in Colorado, right, it took place in Colorado, but it was filmed two hours away from Portland, as the owner of the bar told me, and they everything is just like pictures of the Shine again. And then for some reason, there's just a framed knife.
It's the movie.
Yeah that. I think everything in Portland is themed though. I think every strip club, every restaurant like has to like it's there a second grade classroom around Halloween or something, you know, like it's everything has to have a theme. And that was theirs. Yeah, and there was a dog
that was playing fetch the entire time. Cool. It was cool, though it wasn't There were that many people there and you just like put in your song and it would come up pretty quickly, and then we got to sing and we we had a really great time singing and just hanging out after the show. And but there was this one thing that like there kept being performers that would get up and their name would be like Joe and they would say AKA, and then it would say some like phrase and I And at first I was like,
that's like a weird nickname to have that. One of them was like clean my Tank and someone was like that, why is that person's nickname clean my Tank? I think Tommy said it or or Emily, And I was like, I don't mean to make this about me, but I have a joke where that's the punchline and I feel like someone's trying to like get my attention with this, Like it wasn't like NICKI Glazer's here, Like it didn't feel like anyone really eved new or it was. And I don't think that way ever when I go places.
But I felt really dumb saying that as soon as I said it, because I'm like, oh my god, ew, everyone thinks that you think this is about you and it's not. And then the next one was you know, Dion aka zach Efron, and I was like, I think I have a joke about zach Efron too, from an old special. And then the next one was Dudley aka extra Long twin Bed and I'm like, no one's nickname.
Is extra Long twin Bed.
That makes sense and I definitely have a joke about that. And then I was confirmed because then the owner finally sheepishly came over and was like, have you noticed anything? And I was like, yes, I have noticed something. My friends thought I was a narcissist. I swear that. So these poor people that kept getting up to sing, and then they had some disgusting phrase like comeslot as they're like nickname and he's crazy. Was one was you need
to floss. And it was like a joke about like me saying that someone needed to floss, but a guy's name was Joe aka needs to floss, And I'm like, if I Joe, I'd be deeply funding because Joe was not in charge of the nickname. It was the guy running the karaoke machine.
And you wonder why people like become narcissists when they are super celebrities. It's like you were just confirmed. You're like, oh no, I'm not. I don't want to be a narcissist. I don't want to think it's all about me. And then if it is about you, how many time does that have to happen before you just start to assume that everything is about you?
Oh yeah, I was. I was so embarrassed after I said it the first time because I was like, clean my tank, Like, I bet that's just like a thing maybe people say, but I was like, I don't know, I just felt like it was. And I felt so because Tommy, I just you know, Tommy just started working with us, and I don't want Tommy to think I'm like someone's like I think this is me. And so I was already planning on like apologizing to him later the next day being like, I'm sorry I made that
about me. I don't know why I thought it was. And then I was so happy when it ended up being about me, even though it was kind of annoying, but the people there were really nice and the guy that runs the place is really fun. So that was a good place. And then final thought, and then on on Sunday night, we were like, we're gonna go get a karaoke room, like a private one because that place wasn't open again. And then we realized Lisa Tragger was
in town. My currently favorite comedian, Lisa Trager, right off her special Netflix special Night Owl, which I'm obsessed with, she was in town working at Helium, the comedy club, and so we texted her Sunday morning being like, oh my god, we're here too, and then she was like, oh my god, we're doing after the show and I We're doing a strip club karaoke and I was like, okay, I guess we're canceling our room. Everyone in this town's
doing karaoke. So we went to a strip club called the Devil's Point.
Devil's Point they carry trade trademarked trademark. They're the only club allowed to have stripper karaoke.
Yeah, stripper oki is it's called you get on stage and you sing, and then a stripper strips on stage while you're singing. But there is like there's you know, the classic bar that they swing around on, then there's like pull up bars that they're doing all kinds of gymnastics on. These women are so talented, so acrobatic, so hot. We it was. It was a spectacle. I did not sing because the list was like really long, and I just I didn't want to be the center of attention.
And I honestly, I don't like strip I don't like being touched by strippers, male or female. So it seemed like.
A nightmare to sing, Like, yeah, truly.
Upon walking in, I was like, there's no chance I would ever do karaoke this way.
You are because they're like rubbing on you the whole time.
Yeah, and you're beholden like in front of like it was packed and you have to stand at this circle and they do their moves and then they like like kind of play with you, Yeah, play with you.
And then Sean famously said, when we said we're doing strip club karaoke, he goes, oh, good. I can be awkward in two different ways because it was like and so we just watched, but luckily it was it made karaoke watchable because these women are gorgeous and so talented and fully fully nude. I saw assholes. I saw a I saw literal women's assholes, which was also in a strip club, yes, right here, Yes it was. I think
it was maybe Tommy's first time too, maybe maybe not. Yeah, So it was like it's but it's the best strip club experience because everyone there is happy doing what they're doing. They are really like exceptional at it. It's not something that they're doing because something else didn't work out or because there it's there wasn't a sadness to it. There was like a joy in the air among other things.
It was.
It was hot, it was heartwarming.
It felt like it were like it felt like we were in like a workplace comedy and these these like coworkers love each other yep, and like they love the DJ who also it was like a like a gross dude who stripped.
I mean it was there. I really it was the one time in my life that I've really felt like I was in a movie. I was like this we could shoot this. This is this is what they made Coyote Ugly look like, you know what I mean, Like the most fun bar in town where everyone is having the best time of their lives. Everyone is gorgeous, everyone is talented and and everyone's having a genuinely happy time.
No one's too wasted, nothing smells like, everything looks clean, everyone's in a good mood like It felt like how this kind of place would be portrayed in a movie in a sensationalized way that you go, there's no way it's going to be like that. That's truly what this place was. It was awesome. I cannot wait to go back. I do want to sing there at some point because it looked really fun. But it was just everyone that
came out to me. And then there were a lot of people there that knew me and and and were so nice and came out to me. One guy said he had quit drinking, but he was because of he heard me on Joe Rogan. He was clearly drunk, so that was confusing. But then he clarified that he had quit drinking for a year and then cool, no, of.
Course not now, and started drinking again exactly.
But it was really fun, and it felt like it felt good to go out and do things after the show. I mean, sometimes we have two shows and it's just like pot, we'll to go out because none of us drink, you know, like none of us are like drugging or drinking, and so it's like we're not the type to like really go out on the town. But this I felt like, really I felt proud of myself for like doing something.
Yeah, experiencing the road, Like that's part of that, That's part of how people say they stay saying on the road.
It's like you gotta go experience the city. Yeah, I've heard like Mark Norman say that or something.
Yeah. Yeah, that's who I think of too, Like I feel like he goes out and does things.
Yeah.
But it was really it was really a fun weekend. I look forward to this weekend in Fort Lauderdale on Thursday, and then we're doing Boston. I'm doing six shows at the Wang Theater Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and we are doing things during the day too. We have We've been invited to many different things in town because people know we're coming, and so that's very exciting. And I think my depression is lifted. To be honest with you, I'm
feeling a little bit more clearheaded. Thank you for this therapy session.
There you go.
Are you buzzing yourself right now? Are you holding on to that.
Nor you got yours? Oh my god, I need to go get mine. I'm gonna I gotta charge it again. It's so good. H Yeah, So check out the chill pill, if that, if that, any of that lots they to do. Yeah, Amazon sixty bucks totally worth it, you guys. I know that's maybe a price point that's like a little much.
But it's like if you have anxiety, or you have moments where you're like your mind is racing with thoughts and you need to like you just have nothing else to do, and you you want to meditate, but you're not there yet, Like this is just something. It's almost like meditation that makes you focus on something that isn't your thoughts. Meditation makes you focus on breath. This makes you focus on a weird numbing like almost like your hands fell asleep kind of pain in your hand is
don't you think that's the same pain, Sean. It's like when you like your hand starts tingling because it fell asleep.
Yeah, it definitely pins and needles and I kind of always love that.
Uh yeah, all right, so check it out. Thank you for listening. We'll see you again tomorrow. Don't be good bye. The Nicki Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcasts. Created and hosted by me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie, Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior edited it engineered by Lean and Loaf, video production Mark Canton, and
music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nicki Glazer Podcast on YouTube, follow at Nicki Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel