The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's the Nicky Glazer Podcast, Podcast number two of the week. We're back me, Brian and Noah hanging out talking about meditation.
Mmmm.
Well yeah, we all just kind of started this week.
I downloaded the Sam Harris app.
Nice.
Yeah, but you know, I waking up, Yeah, waking up. The problem with meditation is just, you know, here we go people. That's everyone is so sure that meditation is the solution to your problems. It makes it's like I have this natural reflex to be to like prove everybody wrong.
But you with you on the medical book?
Yeah, no, exactly exactly.
I'll go meditate for like seven hours a day for the next seven weeks so that I can just come back.
I can still be in pain and be.
Like, see, yeah, you're you're in a cynical place about it, but I get it. Yeah, yeah, I'm sold on it again. I mean I've been sold on the whole life. But I'm just back in after reading this book. I'm reading this book that it's an audiobook that was recommended to me on a Manifestation subreddit that I follow called law of attraction and it's just a bunch of people telling
you what they manifested and how they did it. And someone was like, this is they were talking about some method and they said this helped me just as much, if not more than the book Feel Better No Matter What. And I was like, what's that? So I looked it up and it's a it's feel Better No Matter What by Michael James, a four week course to love the life you have right now. And there's been some interesting
nuggets in it that I really liked that. He's pretty much he's he's talking about writing this book and like teaching this kind of method, and he's talking about one day in class he's a professor, and all the students afterwards are kind of like hanging out and they're like, you need to get this message out. You need to write a book, you need to do audiobook tapes, you need to have a website.
You know.
This is like probably early two thousands. And then one of his students is like, or how about you do exactly what you're teaching us and you just love yourself more? And he was like, oh my god, yeah, I don't need all this other stuff, like all this like trying to do all these other things. The girl was like, why don't you do exactly the pre you know, practice
what you preach, and love yourself more. So the whole conceit of the book is just like learning how to love yourself more and how to be the most yourself, which is the I think so cool and and like it makes me feel like that's within reach because we all have ourselves. It's just waiting for us to find it.
There's a Chapel Roane within all of us.
Yeah, she's probably still trying, Like she's young enough that she's probably still trying to be other people. So am I I think this like it's not as easy. But he does say that the best artists, any artists you know and really respect, the ones that are the musicians, can medians, playwrights, writers that are the best at what they do, really boils down to they are the most themselves. They're more themselves than any other artists. So whoever is producing art at the top level is not the most.
They're the most talented, but that talent really comes from a place of they are just the most themselves and it teaches you how to do this, And there's all these different methods and they're really simple and I love it.
Sometimes that can be tricky because I'm not going to name names here, but there are certain people in comedy who are lauded for being so themselves and they're sow themselves and everything they do is like confusing to most,
but it's so uniquely them. And then like the industry eats that up because they love narcissists and they'll be like, oh my god, they must be a genius because I don't understand what they're doing at all, and they're so confident, right, and that shit doesn't work, it doesn't make money, it's not Maybe it's them expressing themselves in such a unique way, but I find it to be artistic bullshit. I think it's so I would.
I would disagree that they I would then say that they are not actually being authentic and that they are trying to be counterculture and that.
It is not themselves. Is that what's happening?
So I think that, like, yeah, I think that, you know it. I'm not saying it means the most successful artists. I'm thinking like them in the most happy, most fulfilled person is just found a way to be the most themselves. Is it the most clutter out of the way, is it.
The most themselves or they're doing it for themselves. Like whatever they're putting out, they're doing it like it's coming from.
A place of like they know themselves and they love themselves, and they trust themselves, and they're not trying to be they're not trying to abandon what they are. And we all do this subconsciously, like conscious constantly of just trying to not be ourselves and hating ourselves, and like, if you can find a way to just truly accept who you are, you can be completely happy and have kind of a ease with which you can produce and create that other people aren't met with because it's it shouldn't
feel like a battle to clear the space. That's why you meditate. Why part of this thing is so this guys four week course is like so much of it is based on meditating, because he says, it's like your brain is like a snow globe and your thoughts that are coming from every direction, which some might now I'm starting to learn about this, like these autistic kids that are getting are being able to read minds. I'm like, what if your thoughts are just like frequencies of other
people's bullshit? Like what if you don't even know that your thought is as someone else's thought that's just coming into your head because your thought doesn't even if you if you know about free will and meditating, like you know that thoughts are not actual things you're producing. They're just things you're noticing and you feel like you're producing them, but you're not. They're just coming out of nowhere. And so what if those thoughts are just like someone else's bullshit?
You know?
And like what if and when you meditate you learn that thoughts you get the thoughts out of the way. And the snow globe that is a shaken snow globe, that is all those thoughts. You can't see what's inside. You can't see the little castle or the little big bend tower or whatever is inside the snow globe because all all the snow. And then when you meditate, the snow slowly like drifts down and settles and you can see clearly what you are. And you are you know,
the in the woods. Yeah, you are an Epcot Center or whatever is in there.
This it's funny because it never snows at Epcot Center, except it's my point. I agree with what you're saying, but I think I have a contradiction to your snow globe analogy. I know that you love this guy and this new book is all the rage, but there's someone else for me, there's someone else that you should probably learn about. His name is Sam Harris. Yes, and he has an app called Waking Up. Yes, and he would say to this that the snow globe analogy is fine. However,
the goal of the meditation practice. See, the goal of the meditation practice is not to meditate for longer and longer, but it's to become a person in a meditative state.
Yeah, that all through your waking.
Life, the thing that practice is now happening twenty four to seven.
Yes, I agree, but I think that this guy is kind of I think eventually, if you do meditate as much as this guy says, which is he says thirty to at least twenty five minutes, start out with like this ten minute stuff is not going to clear anything.
It's not going to teach you. I think his method is just saying you're going to get there sooner where it's like, once you meditate enough every day, you can kind of get to that state like if I do pilates every day for eight weeks for an hour during plates, my shoulders are always down because I'm being cute about it constantly. And then after like six weeks, I'm like, oh my god, my shoulders like I'll naturally pull them down,
not even doing pilates. And so that's I think what happens with meditating too, is that you can kind of get into that state where like the thoughts, you can kind of see. What meditating is is just like being able to acknowledge that you don't have to pay attention to every single thought because if you do, you're gonna go insane and it's just too much, and you can kind of just dodge them and not real to them.
Speaking to your Like what if it's what if a thought is just someone else's frequency.
It's not just other people's thoughts.
The whole atmosphere is filled with frequency is coming from all sorts of different things. Yeah, there's electro, there's there's frequencies like radio waves that are being broadcast.
There's obviously like your phone, you know, shooting up.
Everyone's phone is shooting up into space and then coming back down to people's phones. And also just every single living thing and every single metal emits an electromagnetic frequency.
Yeah, and your I was picking up radio signals in her fillings.
WHOA really?
Yeah, there's a story in this book about Judy Garland. There's a recording of her. What that was this book? What was Oh? No, it was in that Sorry, it was in the autistic Uh, it was in the te telepathy tapes. But she there's a recording of her, and she sounded like that. She sounded like an old man, but she's tugging like this, and she's like, I I was told Buster Keaton when I got to set that I could hear a rate like that, there's a song coming in my head. And she was she was like.
He asked her, were you on Mulholland it was like, oh, you passed by a ray frequency. Your fillings picked it up. And then they had other proof of guys like picking up this One guy was thought he was schizophrenic because he was hearing voices like Asian voices, and they found that they looked inside his mouth and he had like this kind of filling that picks up radio frequencies and he was picking up in underground Japanese radio like Morse
code type thing. And and he was committed because they thought he was crazy at first.
It was in the spotlight like fIF this is like a spy from like the you know, the Fast I.
Don't know, they didn't get into it, but it was like he was committed because they thought he was crazy because he was like, I'm hearing voices and it was just a radio frequency that anyone else couldn't hear, you know, dog whistles, like yeah, they can hear stuff, like there's stuff going on all around us. And that's why the telepi yippers are scary because these kids can also see things, see people all over. They don't like the like this.
One kid doesn't like the lights on or has to have the lights off at certain times because the room fills with people and a lot of kids report it.
Yeah, this is like like Haley Joel.
Like you're never really alone.
Yeah, there's people with you right now, I mean right comfort me. If there's ghosts, that's amazing less unless ghosts are just an apparition of an energy that was there at one point, but that's consciousness is gone. That that's not that doesn't come for me at all. But if there's like conscious ghosts in my house right now. I'm so I'm thrilled to learn that amazing news.
You just don't want to lose consciousness, that's right, Okay, well do when you go to Maybe that's why you're clenching your teeth when you sleep, because you're unconscious and you don't.
Like it might be a loss of control. No, loss of control is definitely.
That's why, like Sam Harris saying when people are scared to do psychedelics, he's like, oh you are, well. Every single night you close your eyes and go to sleep for seven hours, and you dream things that you think are completely real. Yeah, horror, horrifying things, sometimes beautiful things. Sometimes things that make no goddamn sense. People's heads splitting in half. You and your old high school with your neighbor, like a tiny dog drowning in a gut or whatever
it is. Like, I see crazy shit. And he's like, every night you subject yourself to this by closing your eyes, you completely lose control. Yet no one goes I'm really scared to go to sleep, you know, like unless you're a nightmare on elmstream. Like psychedelics are the same thing. It's like doing the same people are like, but what
if I see something I'm scared of? It's like you do that every night when you close your eye, you completely surrender to a world that you think is completely real, unless you're locid dreaming, which I have done before, where you're in a dream and you know you're in a dream. Yeah, you of the time, I would almost say think that your dream is is real. So what are you scared of to to do a psychedelic.
I'm afraid that it would fundamentally change me. And then when and to become a person who's no longer motivated, which I've seen happen to people who do d MT, maybe not.
Necessarily after one time, but that person.
I wake up and you're like, what's the point of anything?
Man?
We're all just floating ether in the universe?
And no, you know what makes give up and not give a ship is reading the news Like that is worse for my brain than probably DMT is, Like I just go, what's the point There's no Department of Education. What's the point he's taking over the Kennedy Center, what's the point? Like, what is the point of anything?
Like the Kennedy Center thing is personally affecting I mean I meant to text Chris about this.
Like what is this?
Yeah, the Kennedy Center is where the Mark Twain Prize is and Trump has fired everyone on the board and it's all Republicans there. You want to have an agenda.
Of Lee Greenwood? Is that name?
I don't know, but everyone's gone, and so I don't know what it means for the upcoming Mark Twain Prize. No one knows and they don't know, so we're just all like.
Kind of we're just speculating that happens.
But if I really want to give up on life, I just like read the news and then that that makes me lose all motivation. I go, what's the point of writing a comedy act? What's the point of going
on tour? What's the point of Like people aren't even be able to can't afford eggs and they can be able to afford tickets to go see me on a tour in twenty twenty six that I'm already trying to like plan out in my head, like probably not, Like is there going to be an arena tour when people are living homeless in an arena because there's no like water, and like that's the only safe place to take shelter.
There's that Louis c.
K joke in his last special where he goes, we all want to feel bad for homeless people, and you know, uh, there's I know for a fact that there's no homeless people in here right now. Homeless people can be outside, but not in here. This is a special place. It's a special place.
Ever let them in here.
You can't come into a building unless you have your own building that you can stay in on your own so fucked up.
Yeah, I saw what I thought was a homeless woman today at Starbucks listening. Not homeless, but like dressed a bit like you know, she's been in the elements. Yeah, just like maybe not ratty, but layered.
A little beat down. Well it's wintertime, right, you're in Saint Louis.
Yeah, but like you know, like layer like dusty layers. Yeah, and like maybe not homeless, but like I'll say that she didn't look like she drove the car that I saw she drove. So she's she's listening to a rev like a reverend type guy that's like sounds like he's speaking into a megaphone on the street. But she's listening to like a podcast of it, full volume, full volume
on speaker, waiting for her coffee. Oh my gosh, and I am just like I hate this woman so much, and I am I'm not gonna I'm not gonna say anything because I can't. But like I'm and I'm I'm inside with three dogs, so I can't talk, you know, like I'm waiting for my coffee. My dogs are like one of them is on me in a you know, not a case but a wrap thing carrying around my neck. And then the other two are behaving themselves, sitting and.
Each of them have their own iPhones, playing their own pos and she.
And they're both barking about God. And so yeah, I feel like I feel like I don't have a leg to stand on. I have eight legs, Yeah, I have no positive Well three dogs are two I have well once around my next she is not.
Pause, no positive around, no pause on the ground.
And then the other the two. So I literally you could someone could be talking about me on a podcast like this bitch had three dogs and a startbus and disgusting you know, she.
Was carrying one of them. She wouldn't even let's pause go.
I don't let them on the tables. I don't let them on the bench. I like they stay on the floor. I don't let them sniff around people's shoes, even though I would argue to say that that's nothing. Who cares? Like whenever my dog's are in the elevator and sniffing someone shoe, I'm aways like, so sorry. And it's like why do we thro apologies for a dog sniffing a shoe? Like who cares if a little nose gets on your shoelace?
But like we're always like, oh sorry, And like anytime a dog sits my shoe, the owner goes, ah, sorry, and it's just like and then we gotta go through the whole thing. She smells my dog. It's like I just want let's just cut it all out, and just like, oh, but I will say this morning, when I hit the three dogs because my parents are out of town right now, it's like they're coming back tomorrow. Don't rob their house, and tomorrow has already happened when you're hearing this, So mom, Dad,
your house is safe. So anyway, I had the three dogs and I'm in the elevator and they're just like they're all so cute, you know, and A girl gets on the elevator and she goes, oh my god, this is the best day of my life. And I am like tired, I'm in a rush. The dogs are like gol. They won't stand still trying to leash them because I don't leash them till we get in the elevator, and
I go, this is the worst day of my life. Oh, and I go, I'm just kidding, but this is like I'm sorry, Like if I saw a girl struggling with three dogs, I wouldn't go poppies and like make them excited, Like why don't like I think people are losing empathy. I really think people are like there there is noneymore. This girl is a perfectly nice girl. I'm like she was only like happy to see dogs. Why, well, look my dog's coming in because I made a dog sound.
But like I just I was like I was running through it when I was meditating later, which is obviously really good for my psyche, even though I'm just using it to like bitch and moan. But I was like if I saw girls struggling on the floor trying to leash three dogs when I entered the elevator, and I was very excited to see those dogs. Would I put my enthusiasm over this girl's like trying to do what she's got to do.
I would turn around.
I think I would just go like I wouldn't go puppies. Oh my god.
Some people can't help themselves. It's like that.
I don't care. I don't care that is about you. I am so sick of it.
Empathy for their impulse.
No, we're all whoever. It's like the right of way when you pull up to a stop sign. The person who gets there first gets the right, gets to go next, like you just or if a pregnant woman on a subway, whoever struggling the most, gets the seat. I'm struggling the most, you give me the seat. If I don't know what's going. If I knew what that she was depressed and just found out her mom had cancer and is on hospice and is dying, I would give her the win, right,
But I didn't know that. There was no context for that. So the context of the situation is like she had enough room to see me struggling with the dogs. Yeah, I think it's same.
Awareness not empathy has nothing to do with empathy.
Why people are to Losa. I think it's empathy and self awareness. I think it's both. But isn't empathy like acknowledging that someone's having a hard time and changing your behavior to min maybe fit that. Or am I just a child of an alcoholic who's always trying to look out for other people's like discomfort and trying to make them comfortable, because I find I am so good about not be like not on this podcast necessarily, but like outside in the world, like I am not someone who's
like making things about me. I don't think that often, and I try to outside of my work environment, like when I'm when people are on payroll and it has to be about me. I've learned, like you gotta kind of make it about you. That's like the way it is. So I can't really like I can't speak to that, and I'm deeply it took me years to even get to get comfortable with people putting my needs above theirs
because they are working for me. But anyway, but when it's like a general thing, like I just don't feel like I feel like I'm always looking out for other people's comfort, Like I just read this thing on Reddit. Okay, this is a big one. Okay, people were talking on the subredd It was the question was I think reddit
really helps me be empathetic. I would actually implore people to go on it because you read about other people's experiences, and people are very honest and tell their own stories, and it's the closest to an AA meeting you can get, I swear to God. And also twelve Step meetings have also made me because you get to hear people's stories that you wouldn't. You only surround yourself with like minded people like we all do. Like our families sometimes have
non like minded people around them. You see a couple times a year your uncles and strange cousins or whatever. But generally, our friends and the family that we keep around us are all people that kind of are like in the same vibe as us. So when you gotta look, that's why movies and books are important. You like live in someone else's experience and head. But there was a subreddit that was like, asked reddit about how do you know someone's had a bad childhood and the number one
answer was they don't talk about their family. And then an answer to that was was someone that I was relate to someone goes I rarely ask people about their family unless they offer it, because I don't want to ever put them in a position to say, actually I hate my mom and actually my dad left when I
was three, or my grandpa abused me. Like I don't ask people about their siblings in case their siblings are dead or like there's something or they're estranged from them, Like unless they offer for it, or unless they ask me about mine, that's kind of signals to me that they're someone who asks about families. But if someone doesn't ask you about your family or talk about theirs, don't go prying if you don't know them, because you're probably gonna get or they might just be I love when
they're just really blunt, they're like my mom's dad. I just like I love that. I love when someone just like shuts you down. It's like you don't get to ask me about that. So I thought that was a really interesting answer because I think a lot of people go like, that's such a normal question to ask, like what about your siblings? Where are they?
Or do you have the most dangerous question of all do you have any kids?
Oh my god, Oh my god, I ask about Oh my god. I mean, I'll save this for after the break. But I have an example of something that I asked that could have been an uncomfortable question, but I don't think it was after this. So I'm at the So I'm at the NFL Honors, I'm waiting for the car after Bill Belichick's girlfriend talks to me. Actually was before that. Chris is talking into a friend from production that he
ran into. I see this guy in a wheelchair kind of roll up so to speak, and literally m hm, and he's with a friend and he goes and I kind of see them like talk and like maybe clock me. I think this was them, because there was a couple of people that clocked me and then asked for a picture of stuff. It was very nice, but I would kind of see the talk happened before they asked for the picture of like hey, do you think that that's her?
And then they're like, you know, like they kind of think you're a zoo animal and you can't hear like I don't.
Understand they start at you.
They don't understand that. Like in fire like you can if your friend who's two feet away can hear you, the girl that's five feet away can probably hear you.
Toolengths anyway.
And yeah, and you're saying my name, which I'm like a tuned to hear already because people know their name anyway. But this I see. They they say like, hey, are you Niku Lazer? I'm like, yeah, And there's this guy in this wheelchair and I can just tell he's not permanently in a wheelchair. I don't know how I can tell.
I just know like he's injured. Maybe he broke his leg or something. He's not like one of those guys who's just wheeling around.
For that doesn't look like a perme it doesn't have like stickers on it. There's not like a warmness to the wheelchair. There's not like a comfort in the wheelchair.
Looking it's a nice chair.
I think it was a nice chair. It just did it. He did it. He was like sitting in it in a way that seemed like his body worked mostly, you know, like I think people who are chronically in a wheelchair have a are the wheelchairs almost part of them? Like you sense that it's like it's them. Yeah, And I'm
saying this all with no fucking judgment. Yeah, he could have been like yeah, but I don't think he would have been out and being like Nikki Glazer and like, you know, I don't know if if he was permanent, but I could have been wrong, that's the thing. I could have been barking up a terrible tree. So he goes,
I go, I go, what happened to you? And I asked this to people all the time, if they have like a cast or wheelchair like not actually, if they have a cast or if they have a rolling like kind of you know, a boot, I generally don't because I'm like, they're getting it all the time. But if they're coming to a meet and greet, I do because they're like, oh, Nikki Glazer asked me about it. But if it's like you know, I'd find a time in a place.
I are certain people who love that. Like if you have a cast, I read the room.
Yes.
Yeah, remember in like elementary school or middle school, when someone would break an arm and then they would have a cast, it'd be like they'd be like the celebrity for the next time.
Yes, totally totally to get autographs and stuff.
Get those autographs and if you get as the autograph, oh my god, you're such a lie.
I wanted a broken leg or broken arm so much. The first this is such a sad story. My mom broke her foot when she was cleaning up our playroom when I was little because she dropped a cookie monster piano that we had on her foot.
That's why they recalled it. I mean, those are things We're heavy.
And so I, as a three year old, picked up the cookie monster piano and would just drop it onto my foot over and over because I thought that's the only way to break your foot and get a cool casts. It's the urgent story of comedy of everything. I just wanted attention. I cannot believe I didn't turn into a hypochondriac who just is constantly getting sick. Not the kind that is just anxiety, but the kind that gets sick to get attention. I can't believe I didn't turn into that.
Like I literally it doesn't make sense. I my parents told me that there was like a poison ivy bush and if you if you go near that, you're gonna like break out in poison ivy and it will be very bad. And I went right to the bush and I took a leaf I remember it still to this day, and I just rubbed it all over like it was a loofah all over my body and my parents were like, what happened? Oh my oh it was it was down my throat. I mean it was everything was terrible. I
was too young to really remember, but I remember. I remember grabbing the leaf and knowing like I'm being bad, and I rubbed it everywhere anyway.
So this day, you don't, you don't treat germs with any sort of yeah or respect.
Actually I do respect them. I don't go like I'm scared of you. They're one of me.
Yeah, well I think I like you're a germ too.
Yeah, I am, for sure, I'm covered in them.
Perhaps your childhood, your youthful zest for engaging in these dangerous activities, created a sense of immunity in your body that now neglect the negated your ability to become a hypochondriac because you simply just don't get can can I get sick?
But I did get chronic sign of infections as a kid. And yeah, but I also I will say that I was My first word was dangerous, and I would point out things that were dangerous. And I was the most terrified child that anyone has ever known until seventh grade till probably even now, I like, I get anxiety around dangerous things, but when it comes to like me inflicting pain on myself, not scared me having like a injury to the point of death. I won't even touch any
I won't go on roller coasters, you know. But if it's something that I'm like, I'm not scared of. Get I wasn't scared of. I wasn't scared of COVID. I have to be honest, I wasn't. I'm not scared of No. Oh god, I think I've gone off on this podcast about bees. Like I am so annoyed at girls that are go like and like they run around or they like scream when there's a bee. It's like, the only reason the bee's gonna sting you is because you act like that. If you just stay still, they don't sing you.
And I know there's besties listening being like, oh bitch, I've stayed still and didn't even know a bee was on me and it sung me before. You know that can happen, But it's just stay calm, just inspect the bees, and you know what, take one for the team, and they're not gonna sting you unless they're threatened. They probably got threatened when they when you weren't screaming, and they
still sung you. Somehow something you did threaten them. But certainly waving your arms around and acting like a lunatic is gonna make them go, oh my god, I'm about to die. I should just sting her and sacrifice my life and you know, commit Harry Cary or what.
I want to hear it.
This is a quick tale of my most badass moment in life. Probably I was standing at an outside a pool, maybe it was a camp or something, and a bee landed on my shoulder and started to sting me, and with two fingers I picked it up and threw it away and then its stinger didn't get stuck in me. WHOA, Yeah, it was a bumblebe. I don't even know if they can sting you, Honestly, I'm.
It's literally the same story that I have. One of the coolest things I ever did was I was like four or five and we were on the river and my dad was like fishing and I was just sitting next to him after work. He was like, what, we were just sitting on the dock or something. Maybe he
wasn't fishing. We're just looking at the river, because we lived on a river until I was six, and there was a giant, giant spider the whole size of my shoulder on my naked shoulder, and my dad goes Nikki and he knew how scared I was of things, and I remember being calm as a cucumber and just going like this and flicking it off, very calmly, and my dad was like, that was the coolest thing I've ever seen. And ever since then, I've like really had prided myself
on not freaking out about bugs on me. Yeah, like, if it's near me, I'll kind of like, if it's a centipede near me, I like I literally moved out of an apartment once and slept on my friend's couch because there was a house cent apede in my butt. I was also going through some psychological issues at the time.
But enipedes aren't poisons. Millipeds are the ones you gotta look out for.
Anyway.
I don't care about poison. I just care about like I need. I don't like it's the legs.
It's this too many legs.
It's the quickness. It's like how the legs. There's thousands of them and they almost make a wave like that, like you can't even see the individual legs. It's just like a wave. It's like an eel. Almost disgusting. And I don't like a bug that doesn't have a plan. I don't like bugs that don't know where they're going and they trying to just like they're I like that. I don't like daddy long legs when they just decide to like crawl and then they go against the wall flat.
I really don't like that at all. I think that's so disgusting.
The ears or the little uh what do they call the silverfish?
Oh my god, those.
Silverfish are disgusting.
I was wrong by the way that centipedes are poisonous everybody. They definitely don't go eat centipedes, but millipedes are considered not poisons.
To go ahead.
Yeah they're slow, but I don't like those at all either.
They have so many legs. How are they slower? They've got a million legs?
Like how like how if you were to, like, I don't know, if you were to like accidentally kick one, it might like chop it in half and then it would just be struggling and you have to like put it out of your out of its misery.
Oh my god.
When I was in hold On, when I was in Hawaii, we were at this amazing resort shout out four seasons in Lanai. But there were these big chunky big boy no that's the one in Maui. They were these big chunky, big boy frogs toads that would appear at twilight and then they'd be out on the paths at all night long, and they didn't get out of the way if you
shuffled your feet, they just like stood there. And so there were multiple times I almost stepped on these frogs and the paths weren't lit like it kind of like lets you kind of like walk where you want. And I was like, Chris, this is so awful. I bet
people step on these frogs all the fucking time. That why is why don't they tell people when they check into the hotel, like we have a lot of these little frogs and you know, just when yous, I don't know if it's a seasonal thing, it's lots of frogs out because they were just you know, like when baby birds are out for the first time, Like they don't
understand that cars can help. These guys were fatty boys I mean they some of them were the size of a coffee mug, you know, and some were like little some were fucking bullfrog, big fatties, and you would just step on it and they wouldn't even try to like move. You would just you could just like squish it. And I can't think of anything worse than squish it the
frog with your fucking foot. And so I was like, Chris, I'm gonna talk to them like they need when you check in, there needs to be like, hey, by the way, we have lots of frogs and at night, if you would use your flasklight on your phone so you don't step on them, yeah, that would not for that and you and yeah, and Chris was like, don't do that, and I was like or he was like, you're not gonna do that, and I go, you you watch me. And so the next day at lunch, one of the
guys came up and was like, how's your stay? And I was like, it's been amazing. Can I just give you a suggestion, like when the guests check in, can you just like warn them about the frogs? Because I almost stepped on a frog and I I I care about animals more than I care about myself. And I almost stepped on a frog and I was being so cautious, Like, and I knew about the frogs. People who don't know
about the frogs. You don't even if your guys don't care about the livelihood of these frogs, Like, do you want your guests to squish a frog with their foot? Like that's a disgusting thing, Like you should warn them. And he seemed to like take it seriously. But I don't think it's going.
To So all.
I do is just think about all these poor frogs that are trying to get back to their babies to like feed them or what. Maybe they don't, maybe they just hatch it and they're on their own. But like, just why would you want, like, don't step on frogs, don't like, don't don't try to step on animals, don't squish bugs. Just be nice to animals, please God. If you see a bird, help it. Don't be scared to pick up a bird if it's.
It's up a bird.
No, it's a lie. That is a lie.
If you see in a bandit lie propagated by the anti animal industry.
Yeah, well I don't know what's propagated by but It's not true that a mama bird will not touch her baby bird again because you touched it. That's not true. If you see an abandoned bird that's like struggling on the ground, definitely help it. Definitely call the local like
animal authority. This guy that I follow on Instagram who is like an animal rights activist, he was walking down the street in Toronto and he saw a rat that was kind of just like like kind of out of it, almost like concussed, just kind of like you know when you just see an animal that's kind of like breathing heavy and like staring, and you're just like what do I do? This guy fucking stopped. Everyone's just walking by this rat going a rat and then he stopped and
stayed with it. Called animal control, like the animal people that actually care, and he got the rat help. Can you believe like a little rat, a street rat got help from someone, Like why don't they deserve that? Like I don't understand that just because they're a rat, everyone just hates them. And if you use glue traps, stop listening to this podcast now. I literally don't want you to ever come to a show. I don't want you to ever be a fan of mine. I don't like you.
If you use glue traps for bugs, for animals, you are a bad person. You are cruel, and I don't like you. I think glue traps are disgusting. I really should start a campaign that like gets glue traps taken out of home depots. I think they are so awful. They just tortured animals because you're too much of a pussy to just kill it right away. I understand mouse traps,
but get ones. Don't even get humane ones because you know you're not gonna empty them out because you feel grossed out, so you just let the fucking mouse starve inside of the goddamn thing because you think it's humane or something. If you unless you go and take those nice and you let them out in the woods, then don't get a humane trap. Just get the ones that snap its neck. I'd rather none of it. I probably would just live amongst mice if it was up to me.
But get the ones that snap their neck. Do not get glue traps. Do not get glue traps. They'll just have to chew their fucking foot off to get out, and then they'll die of blood loss anyway, So I'm waiting for my car and this guy in this wheelchair comes up to me. Yes, And if you have a glue trap in your house, you shouldn't be listening to pos Cast anymore. I don't want your I don't want your fandom.
What I have got this guy in the wheelchair, what if he has a glue trap?
I forgive him because of what happened to him.
Oh so you know the truth?
Well, okay, if you if you get rid of your glue traps now you and realize they are of your ways, you absolutely Because I think some people just don't even think, but I would. I would say that you should probably be seventeen years old.
There's always time for a damn pap.
No.
But like you don't have an excuse. You should have thought if you're in your thirties and you use a glue trap, I don't no excuse. I don't even care if you change your ways. I don't you like, aren't thinking about other people unless you really have, like a company, someone with me to go psychedelics.
Like those things you hang from the ceiling and it's like a strip of glue and it's supposed to capture bugs. Yeah, it's a glue trap for bugs. Okay, it's stupid, Like just let the bugs fly. I mean, like, how many bugs do you have?
Oh?
I you don't even my mom And I got so bad at my dad because the he like found this cool.
Thing that's like you take a two liter soda and you cut it in half and then you flip the top and then they go in and they can't get out. And these goddamn stink bugs that stink because you can't stomp them, Nikki, because if you stomp them, then they stink.
And I'm like, then, who gives shit? Just stink, I don't care. Get a get a sock that always just stinks, and then put that in a bucket and turn the bucket over so you can't smell the sock, and like that's your stink bug sock like everybody else like, and my mom goes they just they just they just writhe around in this this liquid and your dad just drowns them. And I'm like, Dad, this is so inhumane. I got so mad at my dad. It was like the biggest
fight we've been in a really long time. Because bugs feel pain too, But like whatever, you glue traps for flies I'll let go. But if you have a glue trap on the ground where lizards and chameleons and mice and rats and even centipedes and more like sentient bugs in my mind, beetles, big bugs are getting trapped, you're you're you're committing genocide of a species. To me, I think it's disgusting and I think you should be ashamed of yourselves. But if you're seventeen or younger, you can
change your ways. But if you're older than seventeen, come on your Your frontal lob should be totally twenty five. I think it's fun on a loabe, Okay, so I'll make pick off twenty five. So if you're renting cars and killing mice with the glue trap, you're a bad person.
If you're statutory genocidal maniac, then you can still redeem yourself.
But if you can ply yell at me because I'm wearing fast fashion and because I'm using a phone that was used with like, you know, micro chips that were mined by children in sub Saharan Africa, So I am also, but I'm not as I'm not as connected to it, you know what am I? And I'm actually able to get out this information through my phone to like, so I'm actually using the are you losing your glue trap to send out positive messages about veganism? I don't think so.
So unless you can prove to me that you're spelling out go vegan with glue traps to uh pilots over over overhead, then I then I don't think it's right. So I'm waiting for my car. In this this guy is in.
Wheelchair person.
Yeah, I go, what happened to you and his rent?
Ghost?
Whoa way to you? Like I could hear there's like something he was like the guy that my foot was run over in the French quarter on.
Yeah day, Man, I saw this. I saw this comment.
I didn't want to say it because I didn't want to be like perceived as a joke because it wasn't.
I was beside myself. Yeah, his foot was run over by the guy that you know, pledged allegiance to Isis had the flag going. Well, I don't even know his name. I don't think they like really put it out there as much. And I think there was a tragedy like the next day and so everyone forgot. But well, the fires, yeah, the fires were a couple days later. But the guy that sped down the French Quarter going like eighty miles an hour, this guy was hit by him, and and I.
I.
Can't say that.
Man.
I saw something that this guy had that showed me what he's been through. And he was in the I mean I told him, I go dude. First of all, he was like, you're my favorite comedian. And I was like, you're my favorite terrorist attack victim like that I've ever met. And so I and I was being serious because I was like, I've never met one before. You know, I don't think, but I was like, I can't believe I'm meeting someone so close to this insane thing that happened,
like he was there. So he s at the NFL honors, he got tickets to the super Bowl, Like, you.
Know who this is because I saw.
Video about Kantie. Yes, he's a football player, my friend. He went to West Point. He did two tours in the military.
I believe, no, maybe he never played football.
Is west Point Namy?
West Point is is Army, isn't it?
Oh okay, yeah, well he did. Yeah, he did the he did two tours.
So I saw a thing on Sports Center on where everyone watching the Sports Center now, which is Instagram about this guy who went to the French Quarter with his friend and then his friend got hit by the car and he got injured too.
This guy was by himself, by himself, well he was with friends earlier in the night, but he you know, it was three in the morning, and he was like kind of literally sauntering home. Based on the footage, and all of a sudden, you he is dead center of the road when this guy comes by and you can just see him kind of look and like hear something and he turns just to see in the way. He
turns and kind of jumps out of the way. I mean he was in the center where the center of the car was and the car was going eighty miles an hour, can you believe that? And it just it ran over his foot.
It broke like he like sprinted away all the bones in his foot, just barely.
I mean, I saw something. I don't know that I can say that I saw something, but I saw something that he had in his possession for himself to not have show any you know, it's not out there, but he had he had footage of it, and I got to see the most shocking footage I've ever seen in my life of like someone's just touch with death. Have you ever seen the video where there's a guy. It's
one of the most spooky things I've ever seen. There's a guy it's like you know CCTV footage, and he's kind of walking and then a guy walks past him and taps him on the shoulder. And the guy turns and as he turns, a fucking car comes by that with like a big steel beam on it or something. And because the person that tapped him on the shoulder right before and keeps walking by does that, he's able to not get hit by this beam. So it's like a guardian Angel came by. And they don't even know
who that person was. Feels that's say this, Oh my, it's not it's it's I think it's verified. It's it's been around for years and years, but they don't know who he was. They don't know anything. The guy just disappeared into the night. But you see this guy come up and tap him. If you want to google it, I'm serious. It's one of the coolest videos I've ever seen. Just look at guardian angel tapping yeah, guy on shoulder. Yeah,
snopes it. So anyway, I met this guy Adam. He was so nice, so cool, seemed a little like seemed like like, you know, just seemed a little like not sad, but like you know, he's just been through the most insane thing ever. It's like a month ago, so it's probably like the the support is kind of dying down a little bit. So it just felt like I can
only imagine like what he's going through mentally. But he is really strong because he said he's you know, seen some stuff overseas and stuff that he's you know, he's been through psychological trauma based on this kind of stuff before. But I asked him, I was like, because then I invited into the Burt Show, and he showed up at the Birch Show. Was so much fun, he got to
come back stage. Initially we were like, I didn't know if he could like come with all his friends to the party, but then Bert was like, yeah, sure whatever, I don't care. So I got to bring him to
this after party. They met all these athletes, they met Bert, they met everyone on the show, They met Adam Devine, they met you know, doctor phil Is Adam Ray that like they're just like him and all his friends are just like hanging with all these guys, and and he was just you could just tell he had a great time. And it made me so happy to give him that because he was just like a really cool dude that I like was like, oh my god, I could I
would definitely be friends with this person. Like we just loved him so much and he had such a great sense of humor. But I was talking to him before we went to the party and he had showed me the video and we were just like kind of I was just in shock, you know, like I can't believe this guy's been through it, and kind of like searching his face for like are you okay? Like what is all of this like? And and then it struck me. I was like, oh my god, Like I think how
many people died in it, like twelve or something. But watching that car the footage, like watching that car krene down this alley, I was like, so many people just like died right there, Like we're just run over in a horrible way, getting hit by car going eighty miles an hour. And I said, oh my god, Like he was obviously conscious when and they pulled him out, you know, like he just kind of felt to the side and his foot was completely shattered in so many different ways.
But I said, did you like see anything, and he said, because of my training and no, because of the experiences that I've had overseas and the stuff that I've witnessed, I know just to keep like look at my feet. And I'm like, well, your foot was all fucked up.
You don't want to look at that. So he like, but when he was being pulled out of the French quarter and they're walking out, he said, he kind of saw some stuff and he instantly snapped into action of like, look directly at the ground in front of you, do not look to the sides at all. He said, he's so glad that he did that, because he thinks he would be having a really really rough time right now if he did it, if he had saw what he
what was there for him to see. And so I thought, you know, how lucky that you were someone that knew to do that. How unlucky obviously all of the stuff is, but that was just like a really interesting detail of
it that I wouldn't even think. So, you know, God forbid anyone listening right now is ever in a catastrophe like that, keep your gaze on the ground in front of you to save yourself, like more trauma than you're already going through, which I would not have thought to do, But now I will try to keep that in the
forefront of my mind and play Tetris. I mean, if anything, I've learned on Reddit, when people share traumatic things they've been through, the number one comment is go play Go play Tetris right now, because it really helps with PTSD in the aftermath of a car crash or witnessing something awful, when people witness jumpers, when people witness someone dying, or people are Tetris has been known, like like there's research to support it that if you play Tetris after a
traumatic event, it will help with the PTSD and kind of make your brain, uh not keep it around as much like.
Your brain's distracted with something else.
I don't know. I don't know. But did you find the Snopes thing?
Yeah, nothing on Snopes about it. I saw the video on Reddit. Snopes doesn't have any articles.
I watched it.
I watched the I watched the video.
Wait, what do you think. Isn't it insane what you saw? Because in my right isn't it like a beam or something.
It's very low quality footage, but there was a chance that the man saw because the man that taps him on the shoulder is coming up from behind, and there's a chance that the man saw the truck and was avoiding it himself and just tapped him on the shoulder be like, by the way, there's this truck that's coming. That's so might I mean dire. Yeah, he might be like watch out for that truck. Like I remember one time.
This is obviously not the same thing, but there was a palm tree, and sometimes palm trees like shed their bark and they're really tall, so when they shed their bark, there's just these like chunks of wood falling from the sky. And I was walking my dog and this guy was like, hey, by the way, I don't know what the hell this tree is doing, but stay away from that tree. Whoa yeah, So then I saw just chunks falling off of it, and I wonder if it was like a similar thing where it's like, you.
Know, you know, the guy might have just been like, hey, there's the car.
Just there's a.
Tell many people say something that's like you really got to follow your guts.
You have to be so in tune. It's so nice that again, empathy, self awareness if you see like a curb that you just stepped out, like I'm always pointing out like hey there's a step here, there's a slick spot, like just try to save other people. There was you know, I was backstage with some old ladies one time because there's some old women like appearing on the show and everyone's kind of like shuffle of thing memorund and I
was just another person on the show. But I was like, no one even even thinking about these old women, like don't have the field of vision that you do. They don't they have much more like muscle loss. They can't catch themselves as they fall as quickly they they just don't have them right depth perception. And there were chords all over, and I was like I had to take upon myself to be like there's chords here and like lead them and no one. I was like, how does
just look out for older people a lot more? Look just look out for people who like need the door help for them. And sometimes I don't like sometimes you know, you just don't see someone and you just slip and you like you look like an asshole. Like the other day Sarah Lena was like freaking out because she was like, I didn't hold the door for this woman. Now she hates me, and it's like I under and now I kind of understand that a little bit more like you
just want to help out your common man. But today I was in my car and I was texting at a stoplight, as the law lets you, I don't think I don't think it does. I don't think you're ever supposed to be. But I was. I was very much texting at a stoplight that I had just pulled up to. Car was stopped, and I kind of saw a guy next to me like like talking, you know, like you can kind of see his head going m h in the car next to me, and I just was like
ready for fucking apologizing. Like whenever I like get caught doing something, I always going I'm sorry. I know I'm just a dumb cunt, you know, And so I was getting ready to be like, uh, yeah, you're right, you caught me. I shouldn't be on my phone or whatever, and he was just going, nice car, I love your car, and I was like, yes, it was the first time that's ever happened to be in traffic.
It was so cool.
I'm so so cool, and I was texting and I was like, now I'm going to text people that this guy thinks my car is cool. It was so nice. All Right, we'll be back, was final thought after this. So I was cleaning out an old purse and I found the the notes from the hotel that I was staying at where I did the the show from Hell, the Cabo show from how these.
Are These are?
Yeah, it's at the If you ever want to go to an amazing resort, I mean, I'm not joking you. This place was like legit, and I think it was pretty affordable because I was looking at prices when I was in Hawaii and I was at a hotel that was like very very expensive, and I didn't like it. So I don't even think I told you guys. We flew to Hawaii after the Golden Globes and we got to my hotel that I got because I saw the website and it was amazing, or maybe I did say.
And I got there and I was like this.
You did not talk okay, so let's talk about it.
I literally got to the hotel that we paid. I don't even want to tell you what we paid because it's just gonna make people mad because they think I paid a burken bag, you know, like it was like a lot and.
This really nice post golden globe.
For a really nice suite at this hotel. I'm not gonna say which one because they're doing their No, that's the one I ended up going to after I banded. Yeah, Oh, the four seasons, Lanni, it's incredible. Leni has three thousand people in the whole goddamn island, most of them work in that resort, but that resort is incredible. Four seasons, Lanni.
I learned from Al Michael's, famed sports announcer, don't if you want a good time, if you want to make sure your hotel is legit, don't just never go anywhere except for four seasons. And I know that's like a very privileged thing to say, but like coming from someone who,
if you can afford it, just don't trust anywhere. It's like, my new policy for my tour is like, if there's a four seasons and within thirty minutes of the concert space that I'm performing at, that's where we're saying, okay, now, everyone can stop me and kill me. But they actually have a really good security, so fucking bring it.
Four seasons. Great.
I got to stay in the four seasons at one time in Philly, right that was seasons?
Yeah?
Oh yes, because puts us up in the four seasons because guess what, that's what al Michaels works for.
And right, al Michaels shout out to.
Al Yeah, he was like mad that when they have stayed a Ritz Carlton, he was.
Like, oh god for trash.
Yeah right, Riz Carlton's are really nice too, but the four seasons you can't go wrong. And so I'll never I'll never wing it again. So this they this place just spent all their money on a website because their website was ridiculous. You guys would never even believe that this resort wasn't like what it like looked like it was going to be on the website.
I've seen there before.
So we get there and we pull and we're like, oh, all right, the valet station is really nice, the lobby is really nice. Oh okay, and then we keep walking. There's like sand in the hallways, which they think is like a nice touch, but it's not. It's just like dirty, like on purpose.
They like line the.
Yeah, like they like, oh indoor outdoors, it's just tracked in. Yes, the first hotel, Oh my god, the four Seasons would never the hallway beach And I'm not kidding you. This place costs just as much as the four season so I am not even like I'm talking about a place that like charges you so much goddamn money. Yeah, and we get to our hotel room and there's no balcony, which is just insane in Hawaii, like to not have
a balcony. It's like a it's like a cabin. We're like, this is where you'd want to stay if you were going to Yosemite, you know, like this is a cabin vibe, really nice room like all like you know, nice Hawaiian woods, you know, like type of like dark like rich wood and Macromeltu arrangement. Yeah, yes, yes, but it's like no balcony. And also like there's sand on the floor in the hallway. The adult swimming pool is like a waiting pool, like it's nothing. And then we go down and I'm like
we get in those all room. I've said nothing to Chris so far because I'm just trying to be positive. It's taking us all day to fucking get there, you know, like and but I'm paying a pretty penny for this place. I think, all in all, like it's about I think it's three thirty five hundred dollars a night, which isn't like it's it's not the most, but it's a lot, and I think it's like I'm doing it, So I think it was like, all in all, like fifteen thousand dollars. Okay,
I'll just say fifteen thousand dollars non refundable. We go down to have lunch and I go I so we're in the we the guy is like showing us around the place, and I'm just like holding in my commentary, which is like but I don't know if I'm just being Nikki. That is like not didn't eat enough today, is really tired, is scared about the fires, and it's just like I don't like anything because sometimes I get in this mood where it's like nothing's good enough because
I'm just like hate myself, you know. I don't know. It was kind of that, so I'm like maybe it's that, you know, like I can't I can't even judge my own judgment, right, now, and so I'm but I hold it in. And then as soon as the guy leaves and Chris is just like, Okay, what do you want to do? And I'm just like, I think this kind of sucks and he's like yeah, and I go, do you think it? Kind of like this just does not
feel like I wanted it to feel. I can't even describe what I wanted to feel like, but this isn't it. And he's like it's I mean, it's it's and I'm like, wait, you see it too, and he's like, I mean, but he's not paying for it, so he's not one to like complain about something he's not paying for, and he's
trying to just like support me the best of it. Yeah. Yeah, he's never one to be like, yeah, you're kind of right, like look at this and look at that, even though he later on told me like he was clocking so many things that were just like the heinous about this place. I mean, the sand in the hallway was making us laugh so hard because it was just they acted like it was a feature and it was totally just something that they were like, we're too lazy.
Right, And they had a bunch of leaves.
It was. It was a really it was a nicely clean place. But then we go down to lunch and we have you know, at these nice places, you can like text with your guy. You have like a guy you're assigned and you're texting with him. Yeah, and he's like he's brought us to the room. He's like chatty and fun, and he leaves, and I'm like, I just like kind of like hate this. I think I don't don't like this. But I'm like tired. I'm like, what are we gonna do? We're stuck here, like I can't
where else are we gonna go. I'm already looking up different resorts on the island. They all seem to be like either sold out or kind of like of the same kind of level. And I'm like, God, I wanted, like,
I know, a nice resort, like I go. Fay Island has put me up a better places than this, Like I don't I don't like this, And so I wanted like a really expansive, wide resort where we kind of get like away from people where I didn't want just like one pool and then another pool and then like one place to eat lunch, Like I wanted like multiple restaurants, and like, I just didn't research it enough because I
was working on the Golden Globes. And when my assistant sent me a bunch of options, just was like, this one is the nicest website, you know, Like I.
Just assumed you fell for the old website trick the grit, Yes, and.
Why wouldn't they spend all their money on the website. Most people that save up twelve thousand dollars.
To go on a nice trick, they're not going back. I'm not.
They're not even I'm sorry. This is a thing I noticed. It's it's what it's my joke about people having kids too. If you can't regret it, you don't. If it's non refundable, you're not even gonna let in. This sucks. You're not even gonna let that in, because what's the point. You can't if you if you're a mom, you can't change anything, so you're not gonna really let in. I hate this. I don't want this. This sucks. It does your your mind does a gymnastics thing, and like it won't even
let it in. You just convince yourself you like it, which is a great thing, because but I have enough. I have enough, you know, I can let twelve thousand dollars go. Like my mind is like Nikki, you can just walk away. There's like a part of me, even though that would like pain me and my mom who lives inside me, being like wow, thousand dollars for a week. I mean I guess, I guess, you know, like that's inside me. But I'm like there's a part of me that like get out of here. And so we went
down to lunch. I go, let's just have lunch and let me like get some food and like, calm down. I'm down at lunch and I'm like, I think I hate this. The menus are like stained, yeah, like they have like grease spots on them. The guy that like is giving us taking our order, his shirt is like dirty. And I know I am not usually a person who cares about that kind of stuff, but I think I
was just like ugh. And then I'm looking around at like the people that are there, and I'm like I want to be the white, trashiest person at a resort, Like I want people to look at me and go texting their assistance like how do I get out of here? Because this is what I thought it was. I don't want to be the one who's the nicest dressed person there. And so I was looking around. I saw a lot of sunburns. I saw a lot of tattoos. Back tattoos, no offense if you have that right, But it was.
Like, fest're the cat patches.
Yeah, it was just like a type of tattoo. Yeah, I really don't judge tattoos. But there was like a lot of just like sunburnt people, which that tells me it's like my first time on vacation. Like I just don't want to be around people who was like, oh why first time, Like it just there's like an enthusiastic.
You're all from South Carolina.
No, I don't mind even mind the accent. I'm just like trying. I don't know I'm being I'm being disparaging of of I'm being a litist right now. But I like to be the track.
I got to go to a hotel, there needs to be at least time.
I want to be the one with a target tote.
Twenty percent of the clientele needs to have Russian accents. That's how you know it's the first hotel.
I'm sorry, I believe me. I've stayed at some trash places. I'm not someone who is like I need to like always be in the nice I think people know who I am. I don't need to excuse this. I just was in a mood. It just wasn't what I wanted
to be. So I just was like, I'm walking away and are we I felt so bad because our guy was like so invested in us, like having a good time and like I'm gonna get your reservations here, and we were like okay, yay, and like being nice in and then I like, you know, planted it through my assistant to let them know we were leaving the next day, and they were like, is there anything we can do and we were like, unfortunately no, and they go, we'll show you another suite and so they showed us an
upgrade and it was a way nicer place, but they were in the middle of cleaning it for like the for us potentially because someone had just left. Yeah, So we toured it while it was being clean because it was the only time to see it. Because I was like, well,
let's just go see what it looks like. And so we go to tour it and there's like a five hour energy on the nightstand like you can kind of see the people like you can, no matter how nice the places, if you see any remnants of people being there before, you don't want it, you know what I mean. There's like a tissue in the waistband. I don't want to know there's any DNA before. And so we were just like grossed up by that.
Even though it was so nice, someone had a night five hour energy and a tissue.
I mean it was the.
Most boring trash ever, like nothing gross, like totally like a nice space. But Chris and I were just both like, well and we're leaving, and I kid you not like the bell Hop concierge guy are like is there anything we can do? And We're rolling it out and I'm like wearing a hat and sunglasses trying not to get noticed because I feel so bad. I feel like a girl escaping in the middle of the night of like staying a weekend with a.
Guy, yes, yes, well no no, but if she maybe hooked up with a guy that she thought she was gonna spend the weekend with and then she decided after the first night that she hated him, yeah, and has to like make an excuse to leave, which we've all done.
I think that's what happened.
But they were like, literally I had to like roll up the window and They're like, is there anything we can do? And I'm like, you can't, it's not it has nothing to do with you. It's like it's just not big enough. The ceilings are tall enough, the architecture, it's not the service. And then we pulled off and then we flew to the Four Seasons and it was the best decision I've ever made. And Chris was a little nervous because he was like, I think Nikki just
is gonna hate anything. She's in one of those moods, in that mood. But we landed and we got to the resort and he was like, Glaze, you were one hundred percent right. He was like, I didn't even know what you meant by like it needs to be nicer because we just felt a disease. But he was like, this is a game changer, and we were in absolute heaven. I mean, the place we stayed in was really expensive. I think it was like I'm not even gonna say what it was, but it was it was more than the other place.
We have to make the podcast long enough that you eventually wind up saying it anyway.
I know I feel bad. People are gonna really hate me after this one, because did you actually feel relaxed? But then I was the trashiest person there, like by far, like like literally I saw people looking at me like yuck. Like I they were all like they all knew everyone that worked there because they've been going there for so
many years. I was, and I did actually relax. Noah, to answer your question, there's nothing to do there except whale watch, go pet some goats, look at the koy fish, step on a frog, and sleep and eat at good couch Nobu or Matsa or another place or what was that good couch? That's the part you left out of the other hotel? Yeah, the oh the couch was like a burlap sack. Oh yeah. I gave the girls chat like a tour of the room, and I was like, I'm sorry, I am in hell right now. And they
were all so supportive. But I will say that that hotel did refund me for the other nights, even though they didn't have to. They did the right thing and they refunded me.
Well, you know, you're a dangerous woman. You could slam them online.
That could I would never, because I actually all about.
The online presence.
I honor contracts. I really you will never see me trying to be like, well, I'm actually leaving early and you guys let us sound if I sign a contract. For instance, I paid for eleven I've paid for twelve months of a apartment I never lived in during COVID in New York, even though everyone said you can get out of it, you don't have to pay for it.
I paid fucking seven thousand dollars a month for twelve months for an apartment I never even stepp foot in, and except one time one day, and I didn't even I just came by to get something out of a box. I also paid for an assistant that I moved to New York City because she moved there to work for me, and I paid for her for way longer than most people probably would have because I said I would. So I'm not someone who's like, will ever finate like get
try to weasel out of a contract. If I sign something and say I'm gonna pay it, I will never try to get a better deal or weasel out. So I was willing to pay full reef like, but I will, and I will stay in this brand of hotels in LA because I love their La one. But I will not be back to the one on that island that way want to. That will remain untenamed. But but they are a good chain overall, and I really respect them.
Forst Wait a second, what happened?
What happened with the ratty false hobo at the Starbucks?
They were listening to a so loud and I then I am like, oh God, so annoying. So I moved to the other side of the Starbucks and then I film a double parked cyber truck outside. And I'm filming the cyber truck that's double parked in a handicap, double parked like there's a handicaff spot, and they pull to the side of the handicap so no one can get in the handicauffs spot. And then they turn on their fucking hazard lights and are double parked.
OK.
And I'm like, who is inside here with that car? And it's the homeless woman listening to the fucking religious podcast.
Of course she's got a new found uh, a newfound confidence.
Anyone who drives a cyber truck like they they. I want to I want to just drive a cyber truck
because I want to see the stairs. I get, yeah, and like what the energy is because I don't know anyone who's ever looked at them admiringly except maybe a toddler, like I've never seen like I just saw me and the other day of like, show us your cyber truck face, and it's the face you make when you see one, and everyone's cyber truck face is just like ugh, and I go so hard on my scalp because you don't get to be one of those people that puts it
like a sticker on your tesla. That's like I got this before I knew he was a Nazi, you know, like you got that when he was very clearly at it that way. And so you are looking for attention, but you're looking for attention that is fueled by hatred. You're looking for people to hate you, Like what is that?
Why would you want that?
A troll?
And that's uh, you know, it's the tracks usually.
Get to be anonymous. And that's why cyber trucks have tinted windows and no one's ever rolling the window down on a cyber truck.
Well, elon Musk is the control of them all, and he loves trolling. He's the he's the megatroll. And these are these are people who have learned that, oh you control in real life and not be anonymous. And it feels great to just rankle people, to rile them up and make them upset, and you know that you're affecting the world in this way.
I want to I want to go drive one around just to see the energy that gets thrown your way. Because they must be crazy.
I will say everyone.
I see a lot of people in like International TikTok or something like from Brazil or something like that, and the cyber truck is a sign of luxury. If there's no there's they're they're they're posing. They're like influencers from Brazil posing with their cyber truck or just being in their cyber truck, and it's it's not viewed as something that's they're not.
They're not America.
They're aware, they don't.
Care about American politics or they agree with what's going on, so you know they're the cyber truck.
Stank is not on.
Them, right right? Okay, Well we covered a lot today. If you use blue traps, I'm really sorry. I lashed out at you. I forgive you. We all do like I do. I support bad things too. I love you. If you listen to the podcast, I just hope that you just get rid of those glue traps and maybe learn something and then spread the word about it to like prevent other ones. Also shout out to Adam, who was in the terrorist attack. I love you. It was
so cool to meet you. What an honor, like truly such an honor to know someone that was affect ly by something insane and a veteran thank you for your service. Like just such an honor to meet him. What a cool, smart, amazing person. And I'm so deeply sorry for that that happening to him. Look him up though he's He's just a great He's just a great guy, and I love I got to actually google him to get more information. But I just really enjoyed hanging out with him and
his friends that night. It was like such such it was my favorite part of the whole New Orleans weekend was meeting him and hanging out with his friends and like being able to like give him that night even though even I hope he had a good time, but even if he did it, it felt like he did, and it felt nice to make him smile because he's been through a lot. Anyway, we'll see you next week on the podcast. Oh and I didn't tell you what I heard about Okay, let me just really quickly because
I said I would. On yesterday's podcast was on the podcast subreddit and it says I'm emotionally attached to podcast hosts. And this person described like I don't know what's wrong with me, Like I can't wait for the next episode to drop. I feel like I am always wondering, like what's going on in their mind, Like I like look
forward to it so much. I felt this way about so many different podcasts in my life, and so I like instantly opened it up to like kind of read about this like psychology of this person going through it and to hear other people comment on it. And the subreddit podcast is really like smart cool people. I found that, like just have a passion for podcasts, all different kinds. And I was scrolling the comments and I saw that this person name so Carrious se w C A R R E I E U so carious wrote is it
the Nicky Glazer podcast? Because me too? And I felt so honored. That's so and it was upvoted once, so at least one other person agreed with them, and I felt, I just will say, it means so much to me that people are emotionally attached to this podcast. I hope it's in a healthy way. I hope it feels like we're your friends and that you like you give me as much. I hope I give you as much joy as like the podcast that I'm emotionally attached to give me. I know what that feels like. I'm so glad that
I can give it to anyone. And it's sometimes lost on me that I ever did. I really appreciated reading that. It's just really cool. Like most of the time when I stumble across my name on the internet, it doesn't feel good when I'm just like reading for pleasure, and then all of a sudden I see my name, It's like, oh God, it like ruins it. And this was one of those times that was like truly a gift that
like made it better. So I would implore all besties to like respond nice if you ever want to mention me in a nice way on something like I would. It's a little easter egg that like made my day to read that so thank you so much and yeah, that's all I had to say on that. Don't be c and we'll see you next week. Bye. The Nicky Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money
Players and iHeart Podcasts. Created and hosted by me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie, Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior. Edited it engineered by Lean and Loaf, video production Mark Canton and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nicky Glazer podcast on YouTube, follow at Nicki Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel