The Nikki Glaser Podcastser here, I am welcome to the show. It's the Nikki Glazer Podcast back in studio with Brian Frangie and Andrew Collin. It's Christmas in La No one's here.
It's wonderful to be able to drive around with minimal There's still more traffic than I thought than I remember being the last time I was here for the holidays.
Yeah, my Plates classes, I I'm just gonna pick what time I want to go today. When I want to go, I don't have to I don't want to just think ahead because they're all open and I can go any time like usually I have to schedule that ship like a week in advance.
Louis.
Yeah, if you want to make some a little money to open a plate studio. I've never gone to a class that is it? One hundred percent fall? What about you? Andrew? Aren't they awful?
Everything's ful? Awful?
It's yeah, it's awful. Yeah. People want to work out. And I went to a class the other day in Marina del Rey when I was there for the Thursday night football, and they have shoved these reformers and where they are limiting like the exercises so like you can't do things where your legs go out to the side because you were next. They are squeezing these in because why wouldn't they They get like probably throw two peoples of class. You make an extra how many classes today?
Six classes? You make an extra three hundred and fifty dollars or whatever that is. It adds us.
It's like, it's the same reason why they make all the drinks two ounces smaller now, because you know you think.
Of that that people don't really notice. I don't need to do a hamstring stretch at the end of class where my foot goes out to the like I don't need that.
Yeah, they need smaller reformers.
Maybe that's a shout out to my teacher that day in Venice. It was actually Venice, and he said, you're going to make your back straighter than I wanted to be in high school. That was laced with a lot of pain.
Did he know you're no?
Because I gave him a review because I thought he might and I thought like, oh, I'll give him a nod, and then he wrote back like a generic thank you, and I was like, oh, probably don't know. But I was giving him good laughs because I felt like maybe that would have missed that. I thought he might recognize me, so I was like, I want to make him feel like he made a comedian laugh because it was funny and no one else was laughing. I was like, come on, is he an actor?
I mean he might be.
He looked like he told he had mentioned that he has worked in this space for over ten years. He was a really fit gay man.
You ever find yourself in these like plates classes and you get an instructor that speaks from the heart, like and you're doing this for.
You, your bad thank your body.
And I start laughing at them, and then by the time they get done with the sentence, I get emotional.
Yeah.
Yeah.
At first I'm like, what a fucking loose And then I'm like, it really is just for me I do myself. The older I get getting more emotional, Yeah, like that kind of thing.
I realize the pain. You know, you have pain that you suffer throughout your life, and you get these things make more sense to you as you get older.
Yeah, you know, lyrics have been getting a little deeper for me, or like I'm like listening.
To let the dogs out.
Yeah yeah, I was like they should have been chained up.
Yeah, it's an existential question. Yeah, really it's about like why are we here?
I know you just want to make fun, Like I just want to fuck it loser. So I definitely been feeling it lately.
Yeah, I get it too. I get them. So I get emotional in classes, especially if I'm going into one and I'm already like depressed and it's already on my agenda and i have no nothing else to do, so I'm like, I guess I got to go, and I'm just feeling weakened emotionally, Like doing something physical can sometimes make me tear up because I'm just like, I'm so hard in my life is hard, and it's I hate this and like I'm looking at myself in the mirror and I'm kind of like seeing things I don't like.
And I can get like emotional in classes and like it lets you get out some you know. Yeah, it's working out is so good, so good. I've never regretted it in my life. But what the fuck is that? I remember Sarah to having a joke about you've never gone to the gym and regretted it after you've never left, Like, what the fuck was that about? Not even once. Can you think of anything else in your life that you have not have not at least one time regretted after doing.
Yeah every time?
Yeah, no, I mean there's been times where I'm like, I could have that was good, but I could have gotten some work done instead. Like, I don't know, I don't think there's anything maybe snuggling my dog.
Yeah no, you don't regret that. You don't regret ever, well, spending time with loved ones. I feel like, yeah, but no, it's a it's it's a Christmas time. I think this might be Christmas when.
You're listening to Oh yeah, that's true.
So I think we should talk about Christmas a little bit, the holidays in general.
Yeah, the older you get the like we used to do because I'm Jewish but Christian stepmom, we do a Jew verus boy basketball game, okay, and it was like intense and it was just like all my red neck step family. Yeah, got Jake the Snake Bobby. Now you would think the Rednecks would win.
Yeah, but they're all like six two and taller, and the Jews are like, we're scrappy.
And we played good defense and we and we would the Jews would always.
Win yeah, well that's how it was.
You weren't as athletic.
The NBA had a lot of Jews in it. Back in the day black people could pay.
Name one uh.
Russia, Russia Glickstein, he was a great point guard. No, but because it really is attributed to class, because basketball is a very You don't need a lot in order to be able to play basketball.
You just need the hoops.
Yeah, and same thing with soccer, which why there's a lot of like Latin American countries and South American countries where they're so good at soccers. Is all you need is a net. You need a net. You could just.
Havelo is the richest one because you made a horse.
Yes, like yeah, exactly in the land exactly. And so back in the back in the forties, the Jews were the ones that were poor and they were you know, playing basketball all the time, and so a lot of them made it professional.
And then it changed was the height kind of guy in the way there were Jews aren't.
Tall the most the cheapest sport.
Well, yeah, that's why Ukaopia and Kenya are so good at the marathons.
I think there's other things about that, Like there's there's like the passages of like you know, right, rituals around becoming a man and you have to run a really long time and suffer like uh you know, even like just like rituals of like manhood where you have to suffer through intense pain to prove and we don't only go through that here in America, of like having to just brace and not show a tear when you're feeling
like extreme pain. Like Hamish from Hamish and Andy, if you've ever seen where he puts his hands in the bullet Ants thing, he goes to South America. They do Hamish and Andy gap Year, which is you just every I've talked about it before in the podcast, but if you're a listener that didn't look this up back then, the worst and most intense main in the world is from a bullet Ant and Hamish and Andy, who are these guys from Australia who are really good friends of
me and Chris's. They they're hilarious. But they had the show where they would go to different countries and like you know, kind of do a Conan type show before Conan was doing it, and they do all these adventures and one of them was like doing this manhood ritual in this South American viil, like you know, remote Amazonian tribal village, and it was like, oh, this is like
the most pain you'll feel. They like had plans the us of the day, We're gonna do this shoot after and this thing, like after he recovers from the pain, he puts, hey, they have to like do some you should watch it. But they decide they're both not gonna do it. Only one's gonna do it, and it's gonna be the one who the tribe leader deems needs to become a man more than the other. So they have to like prove their manliness to and then the one who wins being most manly I think doesn't have to
do it because he's already a man. Yeah, so the boyish one has to do it. Hamish has to do it, and they're like he's really he's scared, but he's not that scared. So they have these like woven mits, like oven mits right, that are have bullet ants woven into it, so the ants butts are sticking into it and you stick and then they just all sting you that it's such animal cruelty. I don't even want to talk about it, Like it makes me upset that this even is a thing.
But they stick their hands in the mits, they get bit bit or stung like so many times, and the pain is so excruciating, like it's not funny at all. He like goes into nearly cardiac arrest. They're like doing all these like kind of tribal dances and he's like trying to keep it up and he's like he's sweating.
They it's like, I think it ends up being like eleven hours of the worst pain where it feels like your bones are all breaking, like it's the worst pain known to man, and he felt it for eleven hours. He had to be like taken out of the village emergency style, like uh, to a hospital, put on ivy drips, like had to have morphine didn't help, Like it was
It's an insane thing to watch. Watch the most Hamish and Andy ants is all you need to type into YouTube, and it's it's gone viral so many times you see it on rend it all the time.
Does he feel like he learned a lesson? Though? Did he feel more? Mainly after it actually make him feel more?
Wait, he I think his wife had just either gotten pregnant or there was something around it that was like it made him. I remember talking to him about it actually in February when we were out in Sydney. Yeah, because I bring it up every time I see him.
I'm like, can we just talk talk me through that again, because there's so many details that were behind the scenes, because they had the production team like had they were gonna go to dinner, They had like a whole night of like events planned, like you know, you wrap a production, you're like, oh, it was like I think one of their last days of shooting on this really long shoot that had gone on for weeks and it would did
not go that way at all. But I think it made him like reassess what he does in terms of like performing because he had like a wife and a baby on the way and it was like being reckless with his health and he didn't even realize that he was, and it made him like a it learned, it taught him, like it actually probably did teach him to be a
man in the end. That's whoa word. Yeah, but it's it's it's it's really it's so sad because I love him so much and you just see this guy who is like truly Chris and I always say he's probably one of the funniest people that's ever lived. I think I put him with David Spade just in terms of like fun like always has a funny line after everything,
Like he's just constantly funny. Yeah, just a gift to the world, like I would with Martin Short, David Spade, Hamish Blake and I think he said Hamilton before, but Hamish Hamilton directed My special, so I get them confused. But Hamish Blake out of Sydney. But anyway, but you just see it, like I can't really even watch it because I love him so much and seeing someone in pain, but it is fascinating. I do play it people because it's just a good YouTube. Watch.
You ever see the There was like two girls and they ate that ghost chip no, you know, the hottest chip on Earth, and they're like, haha, you know you just see and then you just see it like transfire to where they're you can't do it, and the more you try to do. When I was in a fraternity, they put crab boil on us. You know that it's like burns your skin. It's like how they went.
That's what I used to remove hands. I think it literally burns. It's crazy. It hurts so much and you.
Can't put water on it because it just displaces it. Put milk on it.
Yeah, it's like hot ones drink and they'd pour it in your pants.
That is so disgusting because.
I wanted friends, Brian, Oh my god, that friendship.
But yeah, no, it's like you can't run away from that pain.
It reminds me of when I was having my gallbladder attacks the e eleven hours, Like I made it to eleven hours once and I can't imagine.
Being eleven hours of pain.
That was Yeah, final shows, Yeah no, that was the worst pain. I bet you. The bullet answer is worse.
I'm not kidding you, Like if if anyone, I've said it before, but it just bears repeating. If you whenever, I'm going through a chronic pain thing of like a headache, and this is just like very minimal compared to what
even you're talking about. There is this meditation on the Waking Up app that is free if you if you just sign up for it now, if you're someone who's had a headaches or whatever in the and you're gonna get one in the future, and you know it it's a meditation on the Waking Up app called Dealing with Pain. Just type in the word pain on the Waking Up app and you can get the Waking Up app for free, just right to wake u info at waking up dot org. I think, just look it up, but you can get
it for free if you can't afford it. Because Sam Harris is a is a good person. But there's this pain meditation that is so helpful when you are trying to get to sleep and you're in pain, and like it helps you accept your pain, helps you like meditate through it in a way. It's like kind of the only time I've meditated in the past couple of years is when I have pain, and it's like almost I look forward to having pain, so I could put this
meditation on because it works. Ensued you so much in Arkansas, Oh my god, let us go to break and then we'll come back and talk about I cannot believe we haven't didn't discuss it last time of your other podcast. I like cursed myself that I didn't ask you about it. So we'll hear about Arkansas when we get back up the time. Okay, so we're in Arkansas a few weeks ago, about a month ago doing shows. It's me Anya and Andrew.
One show, just one night. Yeah, yeah, I won.
One night over the weekend, like there's no other shows. Usually I have three shows in a week. It was the thirtieth. It was November thirtieth, I believe.
Yeah.
No, no, no, it was maybe October what. I don't know.
It doesn't matter where Kansas, Uh outside of the Little Rock Yeah, okay.
Hot Springs. It was Hot Springs, yes, National Park, not the park. It was at a casino.
Okay, casino near it. That's a Hot Springs, Arkansas.
The yard. Okay, off my oak lawn. He looks like he says, get off my oaklawn to his own oak yard.
Hot Springs National Park, which is crazy. It was the trashiest. It's the number one trashiest National park out of all sixty three. No, it's because it's just it's it's a strip of like you know, it used to be like a place where people go to get medical care in like the Hot Springs and the busneys facilities, and it's just like a strip like you're in downtown Nashville or something.
And it's like, so that's fine. The Hot springs are cool because they're like the hot water that comes out of the ground.
You can drink it.
Yeah, But other than that, it's just like filled with the trashiest people. It was filled with like people were like driving by. They're like motorcycle gangs and loud cars just like driving down the street. It truly felt like we were in downtown Nashville or something like that, and dangerous. It felt dangerous. Noren's supposed to be a national park.
Every Listen, I'm from Saint Louis. We've got some really trashy areas too, and it's you know, making fun of trashy people is kind of making fun of poor people general only, So I don't want to be too mean. But don't get offended if you're from Arkansas. There are awesome people in Arkansas. One of my best friends lives in Arkansas. But yeah, it's got some problems.
No.
Yeah, it was like and no one had any respect for like the history or the or the nature. It was just people driving by, being as loud as possible, their loud.
Moncycle, their loud cars over it. It's it's I screamed louder than their car at them. I can't I can't handle it. It is so so we're in Arkansas. We do a really great show, so fun, great crowds, great hospitality at this uh this casino as well. Loved everything about it. Got in dinner show, went to dinner afterwards
at the at the restaurant there. Yeah, they immediately serve us a complimentary on muz boush because they're you know, it's a they're making it a nice night for us, and so they're giving us like little treats, which is really nice, you know, to the talent. And it's a gay beef.
Little beef like a steakhouse kind of a little beef soup, the little beef soup. Yeah.
Yeah, he took all all of ours. They're like little amus bosh. So it's like little it's like a little ram can.
Yeah.
Yeah, So Andrew takes all of ours, which is great and fine. I'm glad it didn't go to waste. And then we order and I see there's a two fa on the menu, and I just think that's hilarious in Arkansas that there's a two fay because it just seems like that's seafood and you wouldn't want seafoods Louisiana. Yeah, I guess, yeah, you're right. But I also was like, I love what Andrew does his like bay you character, like a two fay like about the gum boe down.
Yeah, so I.
Would he would go and do that voice and then he orders it and Anya and I kind of like, I don't have a moment where we're like, all right, well, Arkansas has lake.
I think I'm not good with weed, and so I had one. I think I think I did the at after I had that a little bit a little way down there at but no, it was, yeah, it was.
And then you also ordered a duck gumbo.
I didn't know it was duck. I'm not a big duck guy.
No one should be.
So I'm ordering vomit, I'm ordering throw up.
It looks like yeah.
But I was like, all right, I ate the fe There was gallops in it. There was it looked.
It looked decent. It looked you would feel good going down. Not great really truly in retrospect to you you there was a taste.
In retrospect, I think I made a lot of bad choices.
But in life, my meal, let me just say, was fucking delicious.
Got like veggies, and it.
Was so good. Like this place, please do not judge, just don't get the fay, but like that, that fucking meal was one of my favorite meals I've had in recent times. So that no, like this place is legit and but just maybe just not seafood in Arkansas anywhere, not just like this place.
I felt like I ordered it. And it's like that lobster bit from SNL where they're like someone.
Really, by the way, we don't know it was that this is all seculation. There's no this is alleged, this is we're joking, you're jesting. There is no slander here.
Because I was at Thanksgiving two days before that next to someone who claimed to have food poisoning, but in retrospect, I think they might have had a stomach bug.
Okay, so this is what it could. It's easy to blame thee because.
Why wouldn't yeah, why wouldn't you blame.
Eyes looking at you and yeah, yeah, yeah, And there's yeah, some duck dumbo that does look like vomit, but that doesn't mean it's not good. By the way, lots of foods that are good look like vomit. Chili chili, uh, soups, a lot of Indian dishes have like that consistency, and they're fucking amazing.
Yeah, looks chewed up.
Yeah, yes, totally, totally okay.
And I love food that's already yes, we love it. I love a food where someone's already been here. Yeah, let me get in after it. Choose baby bird, Yeah a little bit, baby bird, baby down.
We have dinner. We have a great time, so many laughs.
So I get back to the hotel.
We're listening to, like, there's a song playing when we leave called disco Boy disco Boy, and I really felt like it embodied who Andrew is, and so I've added it to my Spotify. It comes up all the time now and I always think of you, disco boy, this school boy, he's this and he's dancing around.
We're taking all our hotel rooms are right now. Mickey and I always joke because we always like they'll give us a joining rooms or whatever. So we both could hear ourselves watching porn hum by ourselves like whatever. We just don't want to be.
That spank bank. Sorry, I can't even tell you where I go. Com bank bang is good. And then I find that reddit you can find so really good stuff and then to the red Reddit will take you. So if you go to a reddit and it has like a bunch of gifts or whatever, and it's like you want the whole video. A lot of times you can go into the comments and it'll have like source and it'll be like people be asking for sauce, which is what they do. You guys know this lingo.
Okay, I'm deep in the what's great.
But like someone will say sauce because I guess that's just like a funny way to say source, and then people will link the source and take you to the That's how I found the website that I really do like that I cannot share. It's just too it's just specific people. It's not even like it's just it's not okay, what's going on on this website. It's it's it's not illegal.
But adjoining rooms because I don't want.
Yeah, it's it's Drudge Report. It's so uh no, it's anyway.
I feel like sometimes with Reddit or like if you're on those things, it feels too personal where then you're cheating because it's like it.
Feels like you're looking for something like it's almost like it's almost like as specific as an actual person. So it's like you invented a new.
Dodging through Reddit for these porn links. Is it your own profile? Do you have another profile?
I'll use my own.
You're not afraid of it, like ruining.
It's not my my actual profile Nikki Glazer, which I never use. I would only go to that one to comment on things as myself, Like I used to comment like on the Cone and thing if they would say something about like you know, or Taylor Swift if I want to be nick Glaser and but I never would. I would never, like, uh, scroll as Nicki Glazer. It would only do it. And then I use an anonymous one that it has a name, but it's anonymous yea
and is not linked to me at all. So I was recently there was a Swifty thing that I wanted to comment on and I went on as Nicky Glazer and I commented, and I was like, what's going on my bro? Like, I don't even what have I done on here? Could anyone? Have I ever done anything weird? And I look and it is porn someone's someone's taken over my account. It's not my face, it's a porn star, but it's Nicki Glazer Reddit I have, and yeah they hacked to and they like have posted porn and stuff.
But it's not me. It's not even like deep fakes of me. It's like it's literally a porn site. So obviously that's not me. I don't know how to get it back. I don't know what to do. I don't really care. I can't do anything about it. I just have to create a new Nikki guyser one. But but I will say just for porn, for people looking at porn, a good uh, because I think some people are lost in that world. And I just don't think you need
to feel as bad about it. And there are some shortcuts that I had to learn the hard way, the wet way is.
Well, this Christmas episode is just I feel Pornhub is like Pornhub is like if you go to fast food and you get a burger, you don't feel bad.
But if you get a burger at like a place where you don't usually get a burger, that's why it feels a little dirtier.
Interesting, you know what, I'm.
Going to like a gourmet place that.
Makes them just a way okay, yeah, yeah.
Sometimes they go We have this new topic that you didn't even know you wanted blue cheese in so.
So in this gourmet place, is it is it like a displaying of videos or are there's specific people that are like you can go to their page, you can go.
There's definitely con There's definitely producers that have their stuff on here a lot, but I don't think they like are aware of it. But like that's where I would go to find like this one. There is this one production company that does the most insane stuff and most of the I would say ninety percent of their stuff is way too extreme for me and I end up being like literally disgusted. Yeah, but there's sometimes when that ten percent they hit it well and.
Then it'll start spiral and you'll get more and more intense.
It's times all I want is just let's all keep this content going. Let's just be nicer every every all the guys just need to be nicer. Keep doing what you're doing, making porn, but just don't be mean and don't like actually hurt the women, because I can't imagine that doesn't actually hurt. There's ways to do it that don't hurt, And I'm just like that's when I go, No, that looks like it's actually painful. And that's when I said, but some people like that, some some women like that.
I yeah, but that's not for me anyway.
So oh yeah, back to f So.
We we also are shooting a TikTok where it's like we have to do all these weird dances, and we're in the hallway right before we say good night. Oh, because all of our rooms are like close to each other.
We're on the same floor. Yeah, so we're very close to each I'm literally adjoining Anya.
Yeah.
So you're hearing around. Yeah, I'm hearing her porn.
I can't imagine she watches porn and she reads a book. Yeah, it's very delicate.
Anywitz or whatever.
The photographer.
Is like a guitar in her asshole or something. Yeah, but like gently yeah yeah, yeah, well it weeps anyhow. So so I end up feeling sick around eleven and you guys are so close, but I don't want to annoy you. You're probably awake, but you have a flight at five am or something.
Yeah, we had to get out at five am.
So I start feeling sick. I throw up, Yeah, and like but to the point where it's like dug gumbos, dude, gumboed up and it was bad. It was like and then I was at both ends just I haven't felt sick like this since I was like eleven, when you get like that random.
A gall bladder attack, dude, I was.
It was so bad and all night I threw up in the shower and so then if I went in the shower to throw up in the shower, yeah, my god. And I'm on the floor at the bathroom and I'm literally think I'm going to die, and I'm like, but the last thing I want to do is call anyone.
Am I really wish you would have called me. I would have never been upset like I was so sad when I heard you went through that alone. Like luckily, I'm guessing you called Brennan's on the phone with you.
Ah. Yeah, she was just like put it on silence.
Honestly, you have to call me next time. I'm not kidding you, Like I would not have been mad like Ryan.
Getting that too. Fag again, I don't care if we even coast.
You don't do don't do that alone. Again. I felt I felt so horrible you had to go through that. But then so what happened So.
The morning comes around and that marketing lady gave us the card. We're staying at a casino, and you know, when you're sick, you're having like you don't really think clearly, and I was like, well, I'll just get an IV trip. I'm like picturing all these tiktoks where guys are just like, oh, yeah, I can be vitamins in my arm. Yeah, they come to your I got.
One last week.
Okay, did nothing?
Did nothing really literally did nothing for me.
Make you hydrated. It'll affect you in a way that you can't really consciously.
Yeah.
I think if you got one for yourself, you might as well get one for him to keep him in the loop.
Yeah, but I I yeah, I thought I was just I didn't have the flu. I didn't have the floor.
All it does is it keeps you hydrated, which maybe will help you feel a little bit more energy. And then you know, if you the problem is if you get dehydrated and you're like, you know, diary and vomiting, you could get really really sick. So really preventing that from happening as supposed to curing you from your feet.
I just wonder if Chris would be annoyed having to have to do that.
Okay, it's so at seven am I text that lady. I'm like, hey, I just want to let you know I think I have food poisoning or stomach bug. I'm very sick. I do you guys have amts on site because it's a casino. Is there any way I can have fluids? And she's like, yes, I can take care of you.
And then what time is this? Like three?
Like seven am?
Oh wow?
Or eight am? And I'm like dying, like and I have a flight that day and I'm like, am I going to try to catch the flight? I don't want to stay another night in fucking Arkansas. So she goes, yeah, someone calls me from the hotel and I'm like, you guys can cover it, and they're like, yeah, we could cover it. So in my mind, I'm like, okay, no matter what I do, I'm covered. Next thing, I know, I think they're just gonna come to my room to fucking put the IV in. They go, No, an ambulance has to come.
And you have to go like ambulance. Yeah, I pray you said ambulance, Well, how do you say ambulance? I think we talked about this one anyway, Yeah, no, I can. It was cute.
It's dear Ambu limp so I so I any level winds, So I end up I end up getting fucking They come, they come to my room and it's fucking full on EMTs. Not the casino with a stretcher so hot. No, it was like one girl was like learning, you don't want that. Yeah, They're like, it doesn't matter. He's the opener. If he dies,
it's it's not Nikki. But I'm also thinking they might give me somewhat a better treatment because I am here when Nicky who just sold thousands of seats, like, maybe they will give me the IV just in my room because yeah, I'm thinking, you know, I am somewhat a talent. Sure, And they don't think that because then they're like, no, we can't give it to you unless so I'm like, all right, I'll walk down. They're like, well, might get
in the stretcher. So I got in this stretcher and I'm they're your room like a carpet and stuff.
Yeah, you couldn't keep it when you did you let them in? Did you were you able to even get up and let them in? Or did they have to let them.
So I was able to get up, and I was I was functional, were you like you are? I had a condom on and holding two bottles of champagne and trying to cover up for the illness and no. So I was just like, man, please, Like, I was like, just do I have to get in the stretcher there? Like you want the full treatment? I was like I really don't. I was like, I'll walk next to the They're like, just get in it. And I was like all right, So I'm in the stretcher and.
Strap you in.
Yes, And I'm being wheeled past like people that are like partying at a casino, and I'm like, I didn't drink. I just started telling people I am not yeah, yeah, I didn't even gamble. Yeah, I'm like I had that was a gamble, but I'm not. I'm not idiot.
Yeah.
You just like, yeah, people out on a Sunday morning, Yeah.
They think, oh, this fucking bas loser. Yeah, I'm like, no, I did seven minutes pretty good. Actually no. So then I was like, now I'm in the stretcher and then they give me right when they gave me fluids, they gave it to me in the ambulance ambulance, and I started to feel great. And that's the most annoying because I.
Hate feeling great after you like have made a big deal of feeling bad in.
The er where it's anxiety and not the hard no no, no, no anxiety.
You start feeling good.
I start feeling good, and I'm laying there and I'm all I'm thinking about now is the bill? And I'm like, wait, are they going to cover it?
You have health insurance?
I do, but it's like, hm, it's like the one where I think they charge you more. You know.
You're like, it's like they add ten percent to your bill.
Yeah.
Yeah, the cee, their CEO doesn't even make that much money that you I'm sure that you will pay you more. You're deductible.
There's peace of mind in that. Yeah, to know that you're going to pay more.
Yeah. If I shoot someone that they get it, I think, But I probably couldn't afford the bullet anyway. So I go and I'm in the emergency room and then they take my blood. I'm like, I don't think. I was like, can we check for you know, HPV or whatever, like like maybe yeah. So they come back and they say like hours later, I'm there.
Sitting Yeah, you were texting me and any on. You and I are like both on each other like separate planes, going like did you hear Andrew was in the emergency room like I was. I felt so sorry for you, man.
Dude, it was And so I give and so I text the lady that says because I'm like, oh, you guys, we'll cover it. She calls me and she goes, look, I'm so sorry about your illness and dealing with that, but I don't know who told you. There's no way we could cover it. If we do you, we have to do everybody.
And I was like, no, because you're yeah, you performed.
Sorry, So what happens?
I got the bill and I talk to him. So I'm hoping.
What we think the bill will be.
It could be anywhere from five hundred dollars to seventy five thousand dollars.
I know what I'm saying, Like, how I.
This is the problem.
Yeah, it could be.
It could be a colossal amount of money. But if you have any health insurance at all, even if it's an HMO, there is an out of pocket maximum at some point. Now for you, it might be three hundred.
No, it's like ninety one hundred.
That's you're out of pocket. Maxim's ninety one hundred. I think, so that's great.
Oh there you go.
Well, well I.
Don't want to pay.
We're not going to pay. What well as my address that d and the loop about it, I thought it was resolved. That sucks, man. I'm so sorry.
No, I mean that's yeah, I mean it's uh, I'll started going so that.
You went back. So did they take you pay for another night at the hotel?
No? No, they did cover that. I got back to the hotel. They didn't clean it, which was weird. Whoa. And then I stayed another night. Sign No, No, there was a disturbing.
Really, please disturb this room.
It's been so disturbed.
When you were being wheeled out, I.
Had so many topicide please please just starting.
I'm lonely. I need something in my life. So I go and I stay the extra night, and yeah, I come home. It was also Brenda's birthday. Yeah, Brenda has in and out in the car and I'm like, really that's the it's pretty funny.
But yeah, sorry, you had just been out and things were out and out of dude.
It was one of those moments where you know, I have these moments in my life now where I like, remember, you used to chase the story. You know you lived that a little bit where you chase the story because you try to have.
An interesting life.
Yeah, because you're living in your own movie. Yeah.
Yeah.
But I find myself having these moments in my life where like almost like Costanza, where like I.
Can't escape the story, the story.
Like the other day with the watcher dryer, it caught on fire.
Well, let's go breaking here about this. What what have a your washing and dryer?
My washroom dryer is like a real piece of ship. It's a two for one.
Yeah, yeah, two for one, two for one.
And it was smoking and like like a ton of smoke, and Brenda's like call nine one one. I had a yet in my hand and I threw water on it and she's like, it's an electrical.
Wait, is that not good to do?
No, because that's why the current will go through the water and you could get electrocuted. Really theoretically, but I.
Know you're not supposed to throw it on a grease fire water on a pan.
Need a mother, you need a smother. That's why. That's why so what should have done? Fire extinguisher?
But who has that?
If you have a fire, do you have one?
No?
Wait, are you in an apartment? Are you an apartment complex?
Or I think I do, but I don't know where it is, and so I can't complex.
It'll be in the hallway next somewhere in your hallway. You should know where that is.
We should, I should know where that is.
That's a studio apartment in between a house.
But yeah, you should get one. Yeah, you should Amazon one.
Well, you can get you can get a fire blanket. You know, if there's a grease fire on your stove, you can put a fire blanket over. If you have to buy a special thing, you need to smother it. That's why the fire extinguisher shoots out the phone that just get.
I take my fire alarm off my wall because it was making annoyse. I've ripped it out.
That the batteries low.
You gotta replace the battery that was so small.
Yeah, that's a good point. So wa just sitting watching TV to start smoking?
Yeah, so it starts smoking and then Brenda's like called nine one one. I'm like, dude, I'm gonna have to call the firefighter. And they come over for this little waterer drive.
Yeah, I don't think the casino's going to cover that.
No, I called the casino first.
It's a two face fault. That's what I shipped my pants and that's why I had to even use the wash dryer.
So they fucking here's the thing. In l A. Firefighters will come because they don't want the rich houses to get burnt down. But if you get shot and call the cops, they won't come. So tell cops you're on fire. I think that's the way.
Yeah, do it. That's how you get help with you're being rate for three.
Fire trucks show up. Three and then you think that's bad. Two more showed up. There were five fire five fire trucks that is.
The biggest truck and.
Truck, then an ambulance truck.
So how was the How big was the fire?
There was just smoke. There was no I never saw a flame.
Okay, well smoke.
They like happy to be there. They didn't seem to care.
They didn't seem to care, but I cared. Yeah.
So the funniest fart you money, I don't even know.
No, that's the cree fire. Firefighters are amazing and firefighters. There are certain firefighters who they need to hit a quota, so going to their that's my maybe why five fire trucks showed up because you all get the clock.
Ina, Oh my god, So five fire trucks show up. And then the funniest part is right before the fire, Brenna ordered something from Target. So this guy, this Amazon shows up with the Target bag and what's going on here? I go, oh, my house is on fire, and he's like your house and I was like, don't worry about it.
And so we like, how long were they there for?
Dude? So they go in there in my little I live in a two hundred square foot there's six firefighters with their big boots just trucking through my fucking little ass apartment looking at the smallest little bitch ass washer dryer. And I'm trying to like man up, you know, I'm like, I'm like, thank you so much, sir, than you like.
Do you want them to go?
Like you?
Should you be on our tea? Yeah, hop on the truck could.
Use threw on it. I threw a yeah, a couple of yetties. Well, and then my old lady you heard her on that one, yeah, And they were like, yes, you did the right thing. I was like, thank you, Like it was like backdraft for like this happens. It was so bad, dude, when I try to be manly. Oh my god, my whole life.
You shouldn't feel bad because this happens all the time. My dad's a firefighter, what volunteer firefighting? No on in Wanta on Long Island, and there I think like probably like six out of every seven calls is a false alarm where you show up the alarm has been going off and it's like, oh, it's just nothing.
Yeah, they're used to this on the side of you did the right thing, Brenn, because if Brenna wouldn't have been telling you to do that, what do you think you would have done?
I would have lived in smoke for about six months. Yeah I don't know.
I mean yeah, and do you have a new washer dryer?
Now?
Well that's the little other thing. Oh god, just I mean they they they they the landlords. They were like, well, let's check on it, and I go, we've already gone through this, like we've had problems with this thing. Give us a new one or put a dishwasher in there. No one's using his little ass washer dryer anyways, So they brought a guy out and he's like he checks it. I don't even know you, like like knock on anyone
in there, try to listen. Yeah, he's like it's like an ocean shell and he's like, yeah, no, you need a new one. We don't have the parts for this. Yeah.
So no, you're just hanging stuff to dry or can they use the wash part?
Here's the thing we've been going to the Wandering Matt anyway.
Yeah, which is.
It like a cute, fun romantic expert You guys like flirt and do you put her in the basket around?
Yeah? I put her in the dryer and then burn. It's kind of fun. No, it is kind of fun. I mean it's fun. And then it's fun when you're rich. Yeah, it's not fun when it's ah poverty, Yeah, it's not cool. It's like remember my brothers used to be like, just get a bottle of wine and go to the park a date.
Yeah, and then you would need a date idea.
Yeah, isn't that the worst?
When rich people are like no, it'd be yeah, I mean final thought, but we have news that broke what so your Wall Street journal post just broke.
Oh that's yeah, yeah, yeah breaking.
Nobody had a better year than Nikki Glazer.
Oh that's so nice.
Wait a new one sends the Yeah, since you're a comedian of the Year.
Yeah, well no, I saw this this morning as soon as I woke up, I saw my feed. Do you ever maybe you don't relate to this, This is probably a very relatable thing. Sorry. Do you ever see a picture of yourself on Instagram?
Yeah?
It's like, man, you relate to my champagne and a penhouse suite. Do you ever know? Are you ever flying private? And like you feel like no, do you ever see this could happen to you? Like because you do shows around a light, people take pictures and then you see have you ever seen a picture yourself on your feet? You didn't know it was you because it's someone else
posted it, and you like, think of someone else. It's kind of the same vibe as like when you catch your own reflection in a window or a mirror and you don't know. It's a spl second of you think it's someone else and you're like, oh, that's I like that, that's a cute whatever, and then you see it's you and you're like.
Yeah, any side my wedding foot, anything from the side I wanted to kill myself really alive. It's just a lot of like my ship is just falling due gravity.
I mean, there's procedures for that. That's what my mom. You can just it's it's easy to like a neck a neck thing. But also it's it is expensive, but it's not crazy. It's with it.
It's you know, you know, it's cool and rare. If you're driving by.
Reflected date, first date, idea, what to do the next chow.
Get a bottle of and get your jaw.
Now you drive past the reflective building, and then you see your car. You rarely get to see you and your car.
That's why when I was shopping for cars, I'm like, I don't care what it looks like on the outside. I never experience about my experience inside. I don't care what it looks like I'm outside. I want the interior to be cool as fuck.
At the moment, when I was dog walking and I would see another dog walker and then I would reflect that I'm that person. Yeah, I don't know if that would.
Yeah, no, I could see that anyway. I saw this Wall Street Journal picture today and I was like, oh, look at that older late like I. It wasn't like there was no like wow, she's amazing, but I was just like, that's a look at this who's this woman. I'm starting to have that where I'm like, oh, I'm a like I am an older woman and I don't hate it, like, but I am not a girl. I even asked Emily the other day, I'm like, do you
how often do you get mammed? And She's like never, and I'm like, oh, it's gonna start soon for you. But like no one ever says thank you, ma'am or it's over there, ma'am to her, and I get mammed only, Yeah, I only get mammed. And it's and I do clock it every time I hear it. It's I'm getting Obviously I'm used to it now because it's but it's it's truly, it's not it is. It is the only thing that happens to me now. And I remember when it first started.
I remember the first time a person told their daughter to stop playing with that lady's bag and I was flying and I was that lady. That was a sad moment. But yeah, I saw that picture this morning. When there's the first thing that came up on my feet and I was like, oh, ma'am, Like it was like there was a mam moment and I was like, oh, that's a good that's fine. And then I was quickly scooted away from it because I don't need to. I don't need to dig into that.
But I hate when I get mad think it helps.
Or how you're perceived because you're perceived as an adult. Now, ah, then your thoughts are now somehow more valid, Yeah, more valid totally.
That is the thing that I feel about for I feel for younger people is that's the only bad thing about being young. I mean there's many there's many things, but like people, there is a vibe that people don't respect you.
No, Yeah, why they don't know anything? I mean, and it's like rarely do they have the wisdom to take the knowledge that they might have and apply it correctly to the world.
Yes, if anyone's younger than me, I realize, like I always, I'm always more comfortable around people who are younger than me. Sure, always.
That's why nobody listens to Greta Thurnberg because like, you know, maybe what she's saying makes sense. But it's like you're not old enough to be able to tell the world what to do, right, we don't. But like there's a part of what you're saying that just feels naive, like you don't understand how the world works. It feels like what you're saying is this fantastical world where everyone's holding hands and peaceful together, and it's like, we just don't.
But if she was like seventy and she was like Bernie Sanders type and she was just like this is the way we would, she'd have more traction.
I think, yeah, that's a good point, but it is. That's the one nice thing about I think aging is that people do take you more seriously and as a comedian.
So you get too old once you turn seventy five.
Then they treat you like a baby. Yes, and then you're like, oh, so cute because you do become a baby getting hotter. Yes, Like yeah, there's this fine window though, where you are taken more seriously. But like you have to like dress it, Like sometimes I forget that I have to dress like a woman and not a girl, even though it's so uncomfortable to dress like a woman, Like I just anytime I like want to, Like I don't want to wear nice clothes. I feel like I
can't stain them. I feel like I feel bad wrinkling them. Like, but there is something about like if you put on a really nice outfit, you don't have to do Your hair is nice, so you don't have to do it. Your makeup is nice. Like there are women that are worshiped who don't do any hair or makeup and they wear just designer stuff and everyone thinks they're like a style beauty icon. And I'm like, oh, maybe that's maybe that can free me from doing more hair and makeup.
As if I just wear clothes worth thousands and thousands of dollars all the time.
Sure, but because then people will.
Just attribute niceness to your the way you look. But
you won't because I'm trying to think of examples. But there are people who look like grubby in there the way they keep themselves manicured, but they're is Gucci, and so you go, they're important and they know what they're doing and they've got everything under control, and I I want to start doing that, like I think I need but I need someone else to go buy stuff for me because I cannot look at price tags a thing, and I need the price eggs to be taken off
before they end up in my closet because if there is a five hundred dollars skirt in my closet that somehow has bought with my money, styling me, I am so horrified by it. I will leave the price egg on forever because I also think that if EVER resell it. I know that things with price eggs on it resell
better even if they're clearly used. Like just even in my mind, if I find something with a tag on it a goodwill, I'm like, even if it has a stain on it and it smells like deodorant or whatever, I'm still like it's new psychologically, So I keep the tag on. And then I also don't want to wear it as much because I'm like thinking about the fact that I'm going to resell it, So then I don't even wear it. Like, I cannot get past this block of I cannot wear things that are over three hundred
dollars like in my daily life. Those are only for appearances. Those are only for like carpet events. They were only for things when other people are dressing me. I can't go to the improv wearing something that's three hundred dollars or something nice. Ever, I gotta get past it.
Do you think psychologically, though, when you do have these moments when you do put on an outfit, when you do hair and make that you feel more confident and more excited because you don't do it all the time, Like, do you think that?
No, I feel like a fraud. I always feel like a bay dress up. Like when people will go, Nikki, you look, you know I was on this press store, you look amazing. Where's that from? I always just go, I don't have anything to do with this. I literally go, I yeah, my stylists pick it out, but like I don't. People are like, what are you wearing for the Golden Globes. I'm like, I'm not worried about that at all?
Is that bad?
Like every girl is like, show me your dresses. It's not that I don't care, but I don't. In the scheme of things, I don't care, and I don't want to offend the people that do care about those things around me that are doing it. Because my stylist it's very important to them that I feel good in what I wear. But when I'm on Kimmel, like it is so at the bottom of the list of things that I care about that I what I'm wearing as opposed to what I'm saying. Yeah, and I know that I'm
very focused on looks. But it's not that I don't care. I've hired them because I do care. I trust them so explicitly, like I don't have. This is the most care I can put into this because I don't have to think about it then, and so that is like
leaving something to someone else. But then sometimes I feel like people in my life that are paying attention to those things want like to make sure like I'm weighing in that I like it, and I'm like, I don't even want to have to talk about this, like you just do it, and then I hop into it and then I don't take any credit for it, and I give you all the credit, but I don't know what it is. I really my goal, I know this is such a dumb coal for twenty twenty five, is to
get really nice clothes. Have no shit clothes anymore that I can slip into, like this is a shit clothes. This is shit clothes, Like no more shit clothes, but comfortable high end clothes and I don't know what those are, but I know that I can ford them. It's not crazy to put them in my life. And I don't know what the is. It almost feels like I don't.
I don't know what Once you do it, you just need.
To do such a dumb thing to be like, I can't you guys, but it literally is a weird block for me.
I feel like with anything you do it, if you just get fucking five fucking pieces and you do it for three weeks, you'll completely forget that you're wearing even designer. It's just one of those blocks you just have to I just can't.
I got to get rid of my options of shitty clothes.
Yeah, I remember when you hired that those people that like, yeah, buy me organize your ship.
Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah huh. That's a good point where.
You had brand to buy you that stuff in Florida.
Yeah, and love to do something like yeah, honestly, I.
Did this thing in New York like fifteen years ago called trunk Club. Oh yeah, you go, and like it's like you get to get styled and they send you a bunch of clothes in the mail, and I there was one jacket I got out of that that I was like, oh, I'll wear this really, But everything else it's just I felt like a fraud, Like.
I'm comfortable in it, yeah, I feel like I have to like sit straighter and like, yeah, I just can't like it. And then everything's dry clean only too. Every nice thing you own is right clan only, and even if it's not, you don't want to dry it in the dryer because it might catch on fire and something. And then it's a thousand dollars sweatshirt or whatever the fuck these things cost. It's like, yeah, it's so insane and it's not okay that they cost so much clothing.
Shouldn't I know that there is clothing that's five hundred dollars and it makes you look so much nicer. That's too much money. I don't care how much money you do have. I'm going the other way. I'm not doing this.
I don't think you should.
I don't think I shouldn't. I can't do it. I think it's a ridiculous.
I think it's a good thing that this is your thought process. It'd be you'd be insufferable if you were like if I'm wearing designer. I don't fucking want it, Like, thank god you're like that when you have these thoughts, and that's why you're a good comedian. Like this is all at all, like you know what I mean, Like if you were like like you're getting your confidence by a brand, but Emily, you don't want.
To be there to have Like I do agree that, like the way you carry yourself and the way you dress, Like if you wear nice things that you spend a lot of money on are finally tailored, they look better, they mamfortable. Yes, I just haven't been able to find like actual comfortable things that are like really finely made. So everything always pills, it looks shitty, Like clothing is just so shitty. Now I send it to the girls. Chet this like fifteen minute deep dive into why even
designer clothes, like you literally can't find good clothes. Even high end clothes are all made in China, even if they say made in Italy, they're made in China. And my friend Halla who works in has a friend who works in fashion design said that do not ever wear anything new because it's been on like a floor in China with like puke and vomit. They don't clean it, like they just like get the stains off, but they
don't clean. Everything's disgusting. All the fabrics are disgusting. They're making these factories that like is just piss and shit everywhere. So she said, and I don't believe it because I'm like that would linger this. I like new things. I'm still not washing things. I'm not here on the factory floor because the can editions are bad.
They wow, yeah, it all comes back around.
Yeah, so I had that headline it says no one had a better year than the Glazer. I think I can think of someone I had some dark times Trump.
Yeah, I mean here, it's pretty cool. They have like a video and not a picture.
Oh my god. Yeah, oh that was yeah, so, oh my god.
Oh that's great.
It's so funny. Yeah that they were taking video like while I was shooting the photo shoot and I didn't realize it would look like this. That's kind of me rolling around to the crowd.
That's great.
Yeah, it looks like we were trying to do like the Fiona Apple criminal video. So yeah, the light Yeah, I just weighed sixty pounds more than she did in that video, so it doesn't try.
It's a two minute article to listen to and you need a subscription.
But that's crazy. Yeah, how slow are they when that says like it's two minutes to listen to. I'm always like I could read this in fifteen seconds. The people say how long it takes to walk somewhere on Google, I'm always getting there forty earlier than the walking direction.
Who's doing this, the laziest person on earth? Fifty nine minutes to go point eight miles.
Yes, on crutch they should have. It should be crutches.
It should be cruched.
That is the walk, the thing.
With two fucking subs in your hands.
Yeah, before we go, what's your favorite Christmas song?
Probably have yourself a merry little Christmas like Frank Sinatra classic. It's like really sweet.
I'm glad you didn't say like, I mean, I love like Sea. But I'm glad you didn't say like candy Cane Lane or something.
I don't even know what that is. And I would have to say that I love to I love simply having a wonderful Christmas time. I know it's like the worst party song ever, the Paul McCartney, I like it.
That one ruins my life.
You want to know my least favorite one though, sure that.
Don't get Christmas.
I hate. I know that it's supposed to be off key, but I don't like it. It does. It's not interesting to me it. I don't care about the story behind it. Honestly, it brings back horrible, traumatic memories. I don't know what. I hate that song. Yeah, and it's It's been arguing to me by musicians who I respect, aka Anya that it is a great song. I hate it that finally it's not it's not the right movie. What's your favorite? What's your least favorite?
The it's called the Christmas Song, which is Chestnuts on an open Fire.
Version Nat King Cole. Yeah, okay, yeah, absolutely.
I also really love the entire Vince Geraldi Peanuts Christmas Jazz album that has like Christmas Tree.
Oh yeah, that's good.
He's incredible. Least favorite. That one's definitely up there. Unfortunately, I like the.
Kelly Clarkson song, the new one, the new one. No, like the one that's like her like her big Christmas song. It's not new, but it's like within the past ten years. What is it's Oh God, let me look it up to keep talking.
Least favorite is that song that you just said. But I also don't like that Paul McCartney song. I hate that noise. I don't know what that noise is. I think it's that at the beginning of it. I don't know what the fucking noise is that I hate it.
Okay, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I think those are probably my least two favorites.
Dun dun humpt don't dun dun hump?
Doesn't Mariah Carey have Yeah?
Well, yeah, she is born on Christmas Day. That that's the one that I like. Underneath the Tree.
I won't pay so many Christmas songs.
Yeah, that's good.
That's good.
That's good.
That's a great new like Newish, I'm sure and six but it's so good. Okay, fave hates.
I like Silent Knight? Is that a christ really?
Yeah?
That's that's a deep cut.
I like rare Neil Armstrong.
Yeah he sang it up there, Yeah, not there.
Yeah, it's a studio.
You're questioning whether whether or not he sang Silent Night on the Moon.
I know there's seventy other stations that played it, but I don't believe it.
Yeah, I'm a loud Earth or a silent Wait. Wait, I'm a loud loud nighter. I think I think it wasn't a silent night.
I think is what they said.
All Right, we have to go. No one's giving us a wrap. Happy holidays, Thank you for listening. We'll be back in the new year with new shows. Yeah, we'll see it. Then don't because jingle Bells by Jack Bart