The Nicky Gliser Podcasts.
Here's Nikki.
Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's Nicky Glazer podcast. I'm here with Brian Frangie. Hello, Noah, Hello in Arizona. Uh, we we're here.
We're doing it, a new week of shows. Oh my god? How did how far we've come?
How do we do it?
I was just talking to someone about doing a podcast and how even like you think doing something once a week will be like, oh, it's just once a week, that's like easy, but even once a week catches up to you and you go, oh my.
God, again two times a week.
I like doing multiple times a week because it feels like it never goes away and you never have that thing of like, oh fuck, I gotta do that thing, like it's just it's always, it's more ever present.
Four times a week was fucking bananas.
When we used to do that, I don't know.
How we did that. How did we do that?
I mean that started during COVID right, No.
Well, we used to do our radio show for two hours, four days a week, from ten to twelve Eastern.
Every single day. Yeah, a full time job.
And that was not something you could pre record, right, Like we just have a love non Negosa had to do it. That's how I met Noah in case Bessie's don't know. Was at Serious XM and she's my producer and we met early January. Oh my god, it was so long ago. Twenty eighteen is like, is legit long ago?
Now?
Twenty's my favorite year. It was the best year. It was the year the Dance with the Stars. I loved that year. I was terribly depressed in January when we were starting the show. I was going through a really bad bout. And then I started transcendental meditation and then that really helped. And then it was just like a fun year, going to like starting the show, being excited about the show, still doing clubs, like starting to do pretty well in clubs, really getting in back into the
New York scene. I just moved back in January of twenty eighteen to do the show from LA where I did not say for a couple of years.
And then.
Yeah, it was just like nightlife. All my friends were single. That sounds like a good Netflix series. All my friends were single. Yeah, the summer, all my friends were single.
That does seem to be a trend amongst titles of shows now they have to be like long sentences. Yes, well there are sentence fragments. Really, I should say the fragments the year that I was pretty nobody wants this or or the It's really like a three word title. It used to be one word titles or the blank. You have the sopranos, the wire, and now it's like nobody wants this. Sharp little objects, pretty little liars, little fires everywhere.
You know.
It's like, I think the name is so crude.
Oh yeah, obs of a show. I can tell you if a show is going to succeed based on the name alone.
But Slow Horses, you wouldn't think that would be a good show.
And I think it would do better if it didn't have that.
Name, to be honest with you about because I have I have not wanted to watch it because of the name, and then people who know it's actually great, and I thought it was going to be some kind of like Yellowstone thing. Yeah, yeah, like western drama. Right, it's not that at all.
I still haven't watched it, even though people tell me it's going to be great, and people tell me what it's about, and I don't believe them because it's the name. Slow horses at spies in England.
Yeah, it's Britan, It's yes, isn't it about like a campaign?
I don't know what it's about. I still confused, actually, because I just think it's about what you're saying. It's like Kevin Costner must be in it.
There's galloping horses in slow motion and I'm not interested. And that's what I have to watch to get through the credits to get to the show. Credits are there? I credit you enjoy watching that. You do not skip over?
Well, A galloping horse in slow motion was actually the first ever movie ever made.
Oh yeah, you're right, or animation.
Animation, it was the first movie.
Yeah, oh, I guess you're right. That's what people want to watch.
It's crazy, it's it's it's it's a fun thing to watch. I'll i'd watch a galloping horse. I've never been on a galloping horse. I don't think I've never galloped. I've definitely trotted, trotted, gallop, but never got to gallop. I would love to just be like looking behind me while I'm I'm being chased by someone, and I.
Like, let's look faster. Oh that'd be so fun.
He he is that what you have to do he Hey.
Where do you go? What cha whatha? What do you say?
Yeah?
I think it's yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, you're right, you're right.
That would be a pretty fun look behind you at someone chasing you and have to go faster, have a bow and.
Arrow, or it's like a flirty look because you're like flirting with another cowboy and you guys are like and you're gonna fall off the horse and then he's gonna like come to your rescue and hold you and then you make out.
Yeah, And so sometimes you see that in reality shows where like people like have fun on a horse together, but it's always slow because of because they're worried about lawsuits.
Yes, yes, okay.
How often do you think in real life two people tumble on each other like something goofy happens, and then they kiss after they tumble upon one another.
I would say zero percent of the time.
Zero times. Ever.
I mean, I'm trying to think of any meat cute where I let's even talk about like you spill something and then like your hand hits the thing at the same time, and whoever thought of that the first time? For a rom com A brilliant person I don't like when like things become cliche and we make fun of them and we don't give credit when the first person who thought of it brilliant, Like the first time you saw a girl drop a bunch of books and then she's like, oh, I'm sorry, excuse me, and then they
both their hands touch on one of the books. That's a great moment. That's a great TV moment. It's just been done to death when the first time was good?
Was the first one? Was that in the what year? Do you?
I'm sure someone could trace it for us. Yeah, but that is like a thing that happens all the time. But I don't think it happens ever in real life. I'm trying to think if I've ever had a moment where.
Well, you literally fall on top of each other and you're on the ground.
I just watched a movie two nights ago that had that happened in it, and it was it was a cute scene. I'm glad it happened, but it was in I really recommend. It's called My Old Ass and it's on Amazon Prime.
You guys.
It is so fucking good. The performances are great. It's just a realistic dialogue realistic like acting, and then it's just just I know you're gonna like the whole movie. You're gonna go, Okay, really is this like the best movie?
And then you just wait, wait, wait for it, because you're gonna feel emotions you haven't felt in a really long time, and there's gonna be like answers about your life that you're like, You're just gonna live a different life the next day, and then it'll wear off because it's been two days now and I'm I'm back to being the person I was before, but for a day I was like I need to be I need to save her things more. It's just a really great movie,
my old ass. It's starring Aubrey Plaza and then a little girl that was like I guess created the cup song, which seems way too crazy.
Stella Mazie Stella.
She looks by the way, if you want to know what gen z M looks like, even though you can go see it on our YouTube when she was on the show, she looks exactly like Mazie Stella, literally and she talks the same as her in the movie, like they are the same person. They are the same person. I was, I, oh yeah, Jesus, it was It was wild, right.
It is. That's gen z m gen Z was ae.
They talk the same and act the same.
It's like, wait a second. Gen z N's name is Mazie Stella and she's a famous actor who has seven Instagram followers.
She should have more, to be honest with you, she is so good and so cute.
I fell in love with her in this movie.
I just can't wait to ever meet her and be like, you are so good. And then the little girl from the Sea music videos.
Oh my god, I don't know what you're talking about. This is making me depressed. Okay, so I don't know what the Cup song is. I don't know what the Cup song.
I didn't say pitch perfect, but it's in pitch perfect.
You know. They're like Someday you go away, and they sing like a slow song and they're like and then they flip cups around and it's really impressive.
The song for Colonial Times.
Anna Kendrick sings it.
It's like, yeah, I've been down this road before, and they're like doing the cups and they're flipping the cups around.
I swear to god, I don't know anything else about it.
I've never seen perfect.
I stomp, yes, exactly, and it becomes really rhythmic and like kind of hypnotizing, and it's really cute and fun. But I never learned it, and I had never seen pitch perfect. And I know I should because I know it's like a seminal comedy classic, but I've just never seen it.
So slay off me.
Okay, just lay on me and then kiss me as we fall onto each other. But okay, so wait, let me just say the so Sea the music videos Chandelier h.
Huh okay, and then Chandal so the dancing.
Girl, that little dancing girl, OKAYH know that. My mom the other night was like, I don't know because I go, that's a little dancing girl, and by her her.
Name is damn it.
I used to know it.
Her sister sings one of my favorite songs ever that I learned from Dancing with the Stars because she did a live performance of it on one of the nights.
I was kicked off.
Every day I try harder than the one before. Du It's uh, I forget her name? Why am I I have her name if you want it? And then her sister something Ziggler made this song called every day and it is truly one of my favorite songs of all time. And so Dolph, yeah, her sister, Dolph Ziggler, and then so Mattie Ziggler was the little amazing dancer in Chandelier.
They did a trilogy and Elastic Heart, which is my favorite of them, even though it made people uncomfortable because it seemed to be a little bit like old man and little girl danced together and then she's almost like naked and it's in the cage, and it's my favorite if you're not perverted, or I mean, I don't think
people who think it's perverted are perverted. I just if you look at it through a lens of like these are her two selves battling it out, Yeah them her getting figured at the end of it was a little took me out of it, but you know, nothing, nothing bad happens. It's it's a really that that music video, those music videos I watch all the time.
And then the other one is.
Uh, the one that's dead dad though that's Shakira, but just say no that I was singing forever. It sounds like that song, but it's uh, I forget the name of it, but that.
One's really good.
Too, but it's always just that little girl in a dirty house dancing or like in a dirty setting and she's wearing like kind of like bandages and stuff. But Matty Sigler is that was one of the like I'm usually creeped out by children being really good at performing and being really able to summon like an emotional performance. I think it's just unsettling and makes me believe in like past lives or something.
I just don't like it.
I don't like when little girls can sing too well or they yodel and they have too much emotion.
I just an adults are cun past lives than that emotion. You can't summon that emotion.
With it's questionable, it's totally questionable.
Or they're just that good of performing right, like they don't need to access the boat because I think some actors don't even feel emotion.
They just know how to like mimic it, you know what I mean, right, like a robot, like a right.
But Mattie Zigler in those god in those music videos, the choices she makes with her face and all the things she does, like it's so artistic. I guess I'm just boggled by it and then she has she has like a smaller role in this film, but I think her acting choices. There's this one scene where she's on the dock and she's just like talking to her friend and she just like coughs into her arm, and I'm like, did she think to cough?
Like did she plan that cough or did she let it come out?
And just like was like, oh, I have to cough, and so my my character's gonna cough right now. Like it's shit like that that I fucking love, Like I love mess performances that are grounded in how people actually talk. Everyone knows that I already like that in dialogue. Anyway, this movie nailed it and I really recommend you seeing it, my old ass. And then Aubrey Plaza is just fantastic
in it and so funny. And my dad like didn't know of her Aubrey Plaza no, And my dad was transfixed, like he you could see, you know the thing that happens to all men with Aubrey Plaza where they're just kind of like why am I so horny for her? And I don't even know why, Like she's hot, but like there's something like she's like scares me.
Like I saw that, like happen to my dad. A dad feel the offense, she's dangerous. Yeah.
He was just like I like, wait, who is that? Like you could just see it. I was like, oh God, she's got that j squa like that.
Is that the word?
Well, well that's like a Jewish thing that for men mostly where you have the yeah, you have that energy that area about you. But Cavorka, I think, so am I wrong about this? Cavorka. Cavorka. There's a Seinfeld episode where Kramer has it.
Okay, yeah, you guys have some really good words mentioned the animal. It means yeah, she's got it. She's got the career for sure. And it's just it's a great film. And then and then I so I've been going over to my parents' house because Chris is out of town and I'm in Saint Louis for four nights, which is absurd. I haven't been here that long for months and months, it feels.
And so I've just got like my night's free. I'm not sitting around by myself.
I'm not someone who would ever sit around by myself for a night. If that happens, things are going wrong, and like I will just do bad behaviors.
I don't.
I don't want to be alone.
So I go over to my parents' house as soon as I'm done with my day, because I truly don't know what I would do if I just sat. I just can't do it. And so I go over to my parents and we hang out and I just watch them make.
Dinner or whatever.
And then my mom and I were laughing last night because there was a there was an Alzheimer's ad, like there's a medication ad for Alzheimer's. Not laughing about that, but it was like this woman was talking about her mother, her mother with Alzheimer's or dementia or whatever it is, whatever kind of dementia, and there's this Rick Salty is the thing, and it was like, you know, my mom's demeanor had changed. She was just angry all the time, and she was even cursing, and I just knew something
was up. And now her symptoms have completely gone down since Rook sulty and I was like, I'll know when you have dementia because you'll stop CUsing.
Me.
Taking my mom in and being like sir. Her behavior has just changed so much. She's just behaving radically and they're like the cursing and the violet and the throwing and the yelling, and I'm like, it's all gone.
She's pretty peaceful and measured.
I think there's something wrong because it's like I guess when people get dementia, they just get fucking nuts. That's why I love Raissan's joke, Raissan hirshberg Am I being correct and saying his name, I don't know. I never I always get his name wrong. You've got to know who Raissan is.
I mean, I don't go a YouTube special camera, but.
He has a brilliant joke that I've quoted on here before about like if you're racist or have any bigotry in your heart, get it sorted before you get senile, because it's all coming out.
And like that is so funny to me.
It's like that because it does, like you get so, you get crazy, you say weird things. Sometimes you get hyper sexual. Yeah, it's it's not a it's not a sexual.
I haven't heard of that one.
I think they I think some I think some men get perverted or women too in nursing homes. My dad had a he my dad performs in nursing homes and one time he was playing guitar and a woman just wheeled her wheelchair up and started like rubbing on his pants on the crotch area. Like I think he was playing guitar, so I don't understand how that happened, but
she maybe she was rubbing her crotch. I kind of forget the story, but there was something really indecent going on while my dad was playing, and he just had to laugh it off, you know, yeah, and keep on singing a Neil Young song that they probably were.
Like, oh, this old racket the new age music.
Yeah, that part of your brain that stops you from doing things just stops working and then you can't your your core animalistic tendencies come through.
Well, Like, Okay, I was thinking about this because I'm trying to make a point on stage about how like no one can really tell if they're like, you can't you can't really predict what your brain is ever gonna do. You think you know, but because there's no free will, you really don't know what your brain is up to.
You can only go based on.
Like how you have behaved in the past, and kind of you're gambling all the time with what your brain will say. We've all had moments where it's like, what if I just screamed something right now that's really fucked up and you're like, whoa, The only thing stopping me from doing it is doing it, Like it's in my brain and like what if I just did it and you kind of like freak out unwanted thought syndrome, like, and I was I'm trying to prove this point on
stage that it makes people really uncomfortable. Is that Like I'm not gonna give away the joke, but it's like, you don't know that you wouldn't do this really fucked up thing, and I don't know that I wouldn't do it either, So I just don't put myself in circumstances where I would ever be able to do that thing. Even though I know I don't want to do that thing. I'm just scared my brain might be like do it.
You know.
It's why I don't own a gun. It's why I don't. And the one kind of gets it. But the other day I was like, I really made a good point.
I was like, and I.
Kind of didn't steal it from Louis's show, but I definitely it's it's it's white popped into my head, and I would never give myself credit for thinking of it, but yeah, but it's it's kind of it would be like I wouldn't be able to put this in anything, I don't think, but it's.
A point made. Yes, I was inspired to steal from him.
I was aspired to do something naughty in front of everyone, and so I there's in one of his shows, he's with Parker Posey on a date and she runs it. They run up to the top of this building and she's like on the very ledge.
Of it, and he's like, what are you doing? Come back and she's.
Like, I'm not gonna jump, and he's like, just come back, and she's like, but I know how to not move an inch over and I trust that I'm not going to do it. You don't go over to the edge because you don't trust yourself. And I really love that moment because it's true, like we all know, like there's no way if you're on a building that there's no win active wind or anything that you're just gonna like
fall over the ledge. Yet none of us will even get close enough for that to even be a possibility, because there's a part of your brain that doesn't trust that you just won't right right, or there's a part of your brain that doesn't trust that you won't trip for the first time, just standing still as if that's ever happened to you before. So we all have it in us to not trust ourselves, but we when we're talking about.
To not trust yourself that you might trip because that's just an accident. You didn't mean to trip. I think that that profound Parker Posey moment. I think she's insane. She's lacking and she's lacking a fear complex that allows her to protect herself.
I agree Chris does not have that part of his brain either. We were in Philly this weekend and okay, so Noah, you go to this hotel, You get out of the car at the lobby right like the valet, you walk in through the valet, and this is the Four Seasons in Philly. Very much recommend anyone staying there if you have a lot of money to spend and you want to go, treat yourself to an amazing hotels.
Hotel, second best hotel, second past.
It was my second best hotel too. What was your first?
I don't want to say the first because I don't want people to flood it.
Okay, well we'll save it for interesting.
That'll be intrusive thoughts. I'll give you my recommendation for my best hotel.
So, so you walk in and then you take an elevator to the lobby, which is commonplace. Sometimes the lobby's not on the same floor, and you press a button and then you go up in the elevator and you're not really paying attention to the lobby button. What floor it says, And then you shoot up into the sky sixty stories six zero and it is so and you have it's a clear window looking out on the off
on Philly, and you're going all the way up. You shoot up so fast and it's dizzy ing, and then on the way down it almost goes so fast you feel like you are falling at the speed of falling, like it's slower than falling.
But it's like it's it gives.
A remarkable view. It's like Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator that book. You really do shoot up into space and you're you're just overlooking Philly like you're the like you're Movefassa looking over your lamb.
So cool, and then you go to your room and you have to go down from the lobby because your room's like room fifty two. But I was like, Chris, our room is on this fifty second floor. I was like, I think this is the highest I've ever sleep slept in my life besides in college when that pot but I think it was the highest I've ever been sleeping. Like, when have I ever slept at that elevation? That's insane?
The plane, Oh yeah, you got me back door. Well, anyway, Chris, on the way down, I was like, do you feel anything in your bones, in your body? Is there any movement in your stomach? Is there any like tightness in your chest? Is there any tingling in your feet, anything that you feel when you look down and we're going down, And he said nothing, And that is indication to me that he doesn't have the thing.
Did you do you feel? Willie?
I've seen him do some fearless things that were yeah, that were like I would never do that. Like remember when we were walking from between like the comedy store and the Improv or something like that, and that he was just walking in like the street, basically in the street with.
His back to traffic. You guys, people do this all the time. What is I honestly, what is wrong with you? If you if you were walking.
On a street and you don't have a lot of sidewalk space. Even if you have a lot of sidewalk space.
There are people texting all the time that their car will just drove up on the sidewalk or drunk. You guys, always always walk with your never walk with your back to traffic coming at you. Always on the side so that you can see it coming, so that you can dart out of the way if it comes at you.
This is I mean, I can't I can't believe how many families I see on Sunset Boulevard walking in a construction zone where there is cars going by at forty to fifty miles an hour right next to them, with no sidewalk and children like I've seen, like families from the Midwest with children walking on the side of the road. It is the most dangerous thing ever. Please, please, besties, please walk on the side of the streets so you can face the traffic. Don't ever run if you go running,
don't ever run with traffic. Don't bike with traffic. I mean, I guess you have to bike with traffic. But that's why I don't bike.
I'm not doing it. I don't want my back to cars.
Yeah. So every few months there's a story about some like professional basketball player who got hit by a car biking and now they can't walk, and it's just like.
No, it's is it worth it to bike?
Is biking that great? But I think it is, Okay, we gotta go to break. We'll come back after this.
And Brian has something to say, yes, Brian.
So I feel like there are some cities where there's a culture of pedestrian confidence that borderlines dangerous, where there's there's like I was in Well, I was in Boston this weekend, and I just noticed that it was like around like the Cambridge, like the college campus areas, and I just noticed that every single pedestrian would not like look to see like when they cross a crosswalk, they wouldn't look to see if the car was going to actually stop. They would just expect it to stop and
sometimes not even look. People were just like darting in and out of the streets without looking it.
It does look cool when you aren't like looking both ways, Like, there's no question you look cool when you aren't super scared and cautious, but is it worth it? Is it worth it? Or do you also have your backpack on one shoulder? Do you also not wear a seatbelt? Do you also not wear a helmet? Like? Is looking cool and maybe not scared? Worth you get?
Like?
I also think felt like worth it what Brian experienced being in like a big city in Boston When I used to live in Brooklyn, Like I just got so desensitized to everything. I just knew how it worked, and I was like, oh, I know, I'm not gonna get hit by this truck, at least not today.
I'm actually glad that I left New York City because I was starting to get like that.
My parents would come visit and go, Nikki, what are you doing?
Like and I would just be like the car would pass and my nose hair would like there'd be like the tiniest hair on my chin would like graize the cab that pick came by, And that was okay because I didn't get hit by it.
I knew, I knew how closed I was getting.
And you're just playing with fire constantly and it's like you're gonna get It's almost like how I felt when I quit drinking like I would flirt with duys right, like you would just go, oh, i've only had one drink or two, or it's been enough hours since my third drink that and just I was getting just a little bit too brazen.
And then that's when you get fucking caught.
And also, I I know I'm gonna have to die someday. I just don't to go in a miserable way. And can I just say that getting hit by a car while you're on a bike or walking is a terrible, mangled way to die. It's just you don't want to go that way. Take risks elsewhere, smoke cigarettes, I don't care.
Like that's like that's shitty too, but at least it's not like your bones are all twisted and like all like it's just I'm sorry if this is triggering anyone who lost someone in that kind of way, but it's just it's just think about the way you want to.
Fault you don't want to go. I read a story like there was this man who was just like crossing the street to go to his car to go to work. It was like six o'clock in the morning, and someone just blew through a light and killed them. Yeah, and it's like, what do you You just can't avoid it sometimes, But that's why you.
Look both ways all the time if you're being as conscious as you can be.
There was a guy. Have you ever seen the picture?
I mean, I'm on Reddit and I see last images all the time of people and there's one that always comes up, and it's a man who lost his life.
I think it was last year.
He saw a group of ducklings crossing the road and he wanted to help safely get them there, and his daughter was filming him, like, be cute with these ducklings. And you see the car that runs over him and kills him as it's turning and blowing through this stoplight. When you see it in the picture that she took of her dad, and he's like shuffling these little ducklings, so cute, and you know what happened next. It's obviously
the last image because that's the subreddit. But it's like, yeah, sometimes you're just at the wrong place at the wrong time, and it's just you gotta watch my old ass because you're gonna learn that you just gotta enjoy everything while you have it.
Yeah, and then you get hit by the car and you're mangled. Then the person comes out and trips and falls on top of you and starts kissing you.
Yeah.
Well, I was actually thinking this weekend because someone asked me if I'd ever fainted, and when I did, I fainted once in my life. And when I fainted, I had like a dream and it was awesome, like and my body was going through shock, and it was like my body was passing out, so my body was not healthy, but like I went to a really awesome place in
my brain. And so I was thinking last night on my drive home from my parents because the roads were slick and I sometimes let my mind wander, like what if something happens, I'm like, I hope that I just go to the same place that I did the last time.
My body was like, we need to shut down. Like I'm in an ocean and I'm floating and the waves are lapping up and I'm just like and then I wake up and I'm like, you know, it's there's this fucking tube down my throat and stuff that would be horrifying, But at least I hope that when I go, it's like a very peaceful like I I'm.
Not with it.
Well, some say that that's the purpose of DMT releasing in your brain and so that it calms you and puts you in a place where you don't even care what's happening, right right, I mean some also say that that's like your transition into the next dimension. But I think more or so, it's just like a you know, a chemical response to death that allows the body to It is evolutionarily important for us to die so that we can continue reproducing and having our genes advance to
be more appropriate for the you know, the nature. So if you don't die, then you just have a bunch of like obsolete people walking around. So there is a reason for nature to provide a calming effect for you to accept death when it happens. Otherwise we'd have these you know people the iPhone threes walking around.
But maybe Brian, it's because death is peaceful and it's a good thing, and it's maybe it's not lying to you and anesthetizing you from the horror of it. Maybe it actually is good and that is what you're feeling is like a good thing.
So is that why, I guess like a part of it if someone dies like abruptly, like gets hit by a car. I mean, that's why it's so tragic, because they didn't really have the chance to do all that.
NAT hit at the end.
Yeah, you know, I think that's the kind of the way I want to go. There is a part of me that does want that d MT release before I go, because I've heard of it and it would be nice to know, like, oh, this is the end. But there's also a part of me that just wants a bridge to fall on me because it's like the fastest or like to be in a submarine and go, you know, really quick.
But apparently in that submarine.
It wasn't that quick, and I was probably really horrified, and they probably just sunk and sunk and sunk until it finally was like.
And dying with other people, like watching them panic and stuff.
No thanks, I'd be like, calm down, we don't you guys know we had to do this eventually.
I would be like the one.
I always have wanted to work on a joke about being in a plane crash and trying to figure out how to get on the Boingo Wi Fi to say good by to my parents and having to like think of like change my password and like enter a new password. I'm like, they're not matching, and I'm jostling around, like,
oh god, I already used that fucking dead dog's name. Okay, I'll do a question mark and an exclamation point, like how you have to like click like the accept cookies and like all the things, and like you look at their entertainment and you're like, Okay, should I use my
status or should I just buy it? And you go eight dollars and it's like it's that would be just as such a funny panic as you're trying to say goodbye and you just go, I guess I'm just not gonna like I guess I'm just not gonna finny.
Nine dollars for a flight passes a lot to ask to just say good bye to your family.
It's my mom. I know that my mom would not want it that way.
Nikki, listen. I told my last I told my parents last night or two nights ago. We were at dinner and I was like, if I die tragically, will you please please be generous with my money as I am with my Like I don't want it. I sometimes worry that you guys are gonna get it and then you'll be weird about it and then you'll just die with it because you'll be like, we're not doing and I just want you to try to think like me in your generosity with it and helping family and friends. And
they go, well, we're not getting anything. You gave it all to Lauren, and I go because I just trust her to be more generous than you are. And there she was like, there's no guarantee she'll give it to and I was like, then we got into a fight about my money and what my sister's gonna do. It was like this whole thing that so I gotta get back in there and and make sure it all goes to like I don't know, Pia or something that really pissed them off. But but I was, Uh, what was
I gonna say? Oh, we were talking about Yeah, I've just been hanging out with my parents so much and it's been really fun. We've been having lots of laughs and we oh, we watched the Martha Stewart Stewart documentary last night.
Oh what did you think of that? Did you watch it?
Yeah?
Noah, I saw the trailer for it and it actually looks good.
It's it's good.
I was like, kind of not wanting to watch it because I thought, oh, here's another documentary produced by the person it's about. It's gonna be a fluff piece or what you know, and it's it's it's it's very revealing of her and of what she wanted to reveal, obviously, but.
It's I thought.
I felt like it was kind of like the j LO documentaries where I was like, Okay, well, she could have taken a lot of stuff out that I would have been like, yeah, I could. I could have seen someone taking that out if they were in charge of
their own documentary, and she didn't. She left some stuff in, and she surrendered all these letters that she had written her husband who cheated on her, that were very revealing, and one of them she was like, she was flying somewhere after her husband's leaving her and she's telling him I can't eat, I can't sleep. I'm forty years old. I'm like, this should be the prime of my life. I'm a beautiful, amazing woman, and I want to die.
I hope this plane crashes, and it's just like her writing I hope this plane crashes, and I'm instantly getting out my phone to take a picture to send a girls Chat, because I've sent that exact line, like probably a thirty times to girls Chat when I'm in a depressive mood and and my mom goes, Nikki, she sounds like you, and I go, I was just getting my phone out, like I go, when have I told you that?
So it was just I felt, really, it felt really.
Good to see someone as you know, perfect in quotes, because I didn't ever look at Martha Stewart as perfect. But that's kind of what the theme of the whole movie is, is that she was seen as this perfect person.
That uct like going to jail and stuff. Yes, totally maker.
James Comy, James fucking Comy, who's the reason Trump won in the fucking first place, because he was the one that did the Hillary bullshit and made us all think but her emails, that was all James coming. So he's a part of this and he prosecutes her, and she's just they want to get her so bad because you just they explored in the thing and they go because you want to see someone perfect fall.
People love it. People love it, And I'll.
Admit, I fucking love when someone who has just had it all seems to not and lose some of it. It's the best feeling in the world. It's a disgusting feeling. But I like that they focus on that because we all have it, and I think that people don't admit they hate. Yeah, it comes from insecurity. If you're secure with yourself, you don't care at all what other people
are doing or is going on with them. It's just it's you know, when when you have when you feel good about yourself, you really don't don't You just don't care. That's such a good sign of someone's mental health, when they're not like wanting to gossip or relish in someone else's misfortune when they do, you you don't like yourself and any you can't. You can't convince me otherwise. There's just no way you do. And that's okay because I'm the same way. But Martha Stewart was, Uh, she's fascinating
and she is very masculine, very very masculine. Noah, there's a part in it where she's talking about like being in relationships, and I forget what they what gets into it, but they say something like, you know, how did he It was something about a boyfriend she had and she was like, you know, we just hang out I'm not interested in how he's feeling. I'm not interested in how
anyone's feeling. I'm interested in how what he thinks. And I'm like, oh, so she's playing the feminine energy well like she's being in relationships, even though she is a masculine energy completely in her day to day life and her professional life.
She you don't know this about mother to it she was she started out as.
A model because she was Yeah she got scouted as a model or not.
I know her as an old felon.
I was just gonna.
Say, you you forget that she was young and looked different, like her hair was different than it does.
She's beautiful, she looks like herself, though I think she's aged exactly like how she should like. She's still stunning. But she was a bottle. And then don't even don't even sleep on this, Brian. She then goes and says, I want to work on Wall Street and is one of the only men at this Wall Street firm or whatever they're called that doesn't even have a women's room where the office is because there's no women who work there. She's one of the only brokers at this and she is killing it.
But then there's like kind.
Of a stock that really falls and fails miserably. And she felt so bad about losing her client's money that she kind of got out of it. And then she got married because she just thought that's what you're supposed to do. And then she had a baby because she thought this is what you're supposed to do. And she said being a mother did not come naturally to me at all. I thought it was supposed to come naturally. I just didn't really get a lot of affection from
my mother. I didn't really care about my daughter's feelings.
My mom didn't hug me enough. I probably didn't hug my.
Daughter enough, and I just didn't like I thought real It really resonated with me because if I was having to be a mother, that's the kind of mother I would be. Like if I lived in Martha Stewart's day and age, where you just that's what you do and there's no other options, I would have totally had a kid and felt like why do I This isn't this is supposed to come naturally.
Why isn't.
I could just see myself like in that a lot, and I'm just so grateful that I live in a time where I can explore other options, because I don't think she would have had kids if she didn't live in that time. It seemed to be in the way for her. And then she totally rehabbed this house after she got married to this rich guy who was like
in publishing music publishing. She got married to him, she rehabbed this house and got into like and her dad was really stern and strict, alcoholic, abusive, verbally, emotionally, even though she was his favorite. And she learned gardening from him because they would just have to garden as kids, because they would sell fruits and vegetables to get other food because they didn't have money because they had like six kids and they were poor.
So she learned how to garden.
And then she also went on a honeymoon for six months with her husband, where she toured museums and learned all about just different the European way of doing it. And in the sixties in America, there was no taste, like it was all canned vegetables. It was just like putting soup cans like cream of mushroom on top of asparagus, and that was like or putting up pineapple and like a cherry on a chicken and then that's like you know, better homes and gardens like just jellow molds of bullshit.
Like it was just tasteless garbage, boiling vegetables.
Everything was gross.
And she went to Europe and was like, I had never tasted in olive that wasn't like green with a machine or like one of the pimento in the middle. Like she was like, it just expanded my horizons. And then she started a catering business and just really adapted what she had learned in that six month trip in Europe and like.
Started this business.
And then she like started you know, and then she got a deal with kmart to like do you know cookware and stuff because she had made enough appearances on TV Today's show, different talk shows, and she was kind of getting a name for being like this, you know, to go from.
Being a starting I can understand how someone might start a catering company, then how do you go from.
Started catering for rich people and then had that lead famous She just started being friends with billionaires and rich people and she started just being like a caterer to the fame to famous people. So then she started getting TV appearances just by like people her being in these like kind of circles. She was like, that's how I that's when I learned how to act around billionaires.
She was like, it's very rare in the sixties to be.
A billionaire, and I learned how to behave myself and and she was very popular and just really social and like just knew how to work the system.
How do you act around a billionaire? Did she say how?
She didn't say, but I'm guessing it's just you dress immaculately and you are feminine but kind of a badass and kind of don't give them too much and always leave them wanting more and wondering does she even like me? And and not being too sycophanic, and yeah, I don't know.
She's being a challenging.
Cultured and just like knowing a lot about like food and all that. That's that's probably very impressive for cover.
Really well read a right, she wrote a journaled all the time. She just is so cool and then and then that goes into the whole scandal and then her comeback. But when she started doing things at kmart, okay, she was like the a list. Like most she was kind of like the Anna win tour of home and food, right, But then she did a deal with Kmart, and she like lost work because they were like, that is we don't want to that's low class.
Kmart's low class.
And she was like, well, actually, people at Kmart, just because you're poor doesn't mean you don't have taste. And so she appealed to seventy five million people who shop at kmart weekly and was just uh, became a billionaire from it. And then she lost a billion dollars after her scandal, which was such bullshit.
I don't really understand what her a billion over a billion dollars and.
Her scandal, wait, what was the scandal on her own?
And she got a tip to sell some stock that amounted to about like I think it was around thirty thousand dollars that she saved by selling that stock, so it was like nothing to her billionaire and and it was.
Yeah, it was.
I was kind of on my phone during that part because I didn't care. But apparently it was a hit job. It was just to take her down, and they pretty much wanted this guy who she apparently got the tip from to sell her out and he was like, I didn't give her a tip, I didn't, and he could have.
Really he went to jail, and they were even going to do a deal with him where he would avoid jail time if he just threw Martha under the bus, and he refused to do it, and so she eventually did go to jail for one hundred and fifty two days. And it's I know, it sounds like I'm giving away everything in the documentary. I'm not at all like her prison fascinating. It's yeah, yeah, I know what happened, but she's just such a fascinating person and I really admire her.
And I think she's so.
Thought like public image that she lost a billion dollars in profits.
Yes, it wasn't like it.
No, it was her public image. Her stock tanked, both like figuratively and literally. And when she did the roast of Bruce willis that I was.
I think that's the one that she was on.
Yeah, I didn't really know her whole story. I think I like obviously did research and found out some stuff, But I had a joke about her being like my mom learned so much from her about like how to be cold to her daughter and stuff like that, And I think I just assumed that because I didn't think there was any evidence of that when I was researching, but damn I was spot on.
I was like, oh, and my mom obviously resent such joke. But because my mom is not, they have similarities and it's not ter.
I would have been a cold mother too, And not that my mom was cold, it just wasn't like she wasn't as like get on the ground and play with us as my dad was. And that's why I've always said, if I have kids, I need to be with a man who's like, like wants to play with kids all the time, not like a creepy wit like a Chris Pratt.
From Port Yes.
Yes, yes, There's been a couple guys that I've dated where I've been like, Okay, I would probably if if we were together long enough, I'd have your kid, because you seem to really want one, and you seem to be someone who just wants to be so involved in the day to day with kids that it makes sense.
And Chris Convey is one of those people. But I don't. And I've said this to his.
Family or a couple of his family members that have been like, he'd be a great dad.
I'm like, there's no question. He would be amazing.
He's so playful, he loves he's there's no one better with kids, like he has great banter with kids. I'm always like, I don't even know what to say to kids, like do you come here?
Often?
Like I don't, and I don't cool name. I always just say like I like your name, or like how old are you? Oh that's a great age. I like your backpack, thank you. I just don't even know what I'd literally amount of stuff to say to them. It's gets so awkward. But Chris is so creative when it comes talking with kids.
But I'm just like I don't want him. I'd be jealous. I'd be like, hang out with me.
I don't want you playing with kids, like I like, I want to play with Chris. So that's why I've said, yes, I know it'd be a good dad.
But I don't. I don't. It might change if it's your kid, because then it would be like he's playing with an extension of you and something that you care about.
Not interested, not interested in extension of me either.
I just I don't know.
After hearing what my girlfriends have been through giving birth and being pregnant and afterwards I know that you completely heal and you go back to normal. You gotta say, well eventually maybe like a year. A year, yeah, a year, So I'm talking years. And I've seen my sister have three and she's like, you know her, you would never even know it from like my body is made to Like if by anything like my sister, I'd be fine.
It just I don't think it's even for that amount of time.
Even if it go completely back to normal, it seems like it really sucks. And I just like major shout out to everyone that puts their body through that, and like, and you think you know what it's gonna be, but you are not told everything. You can read all the books and you can watch all the tiktoks, and you can watch all the reels, and you can get advice from friends. But Noah, would you say that like you were completely informed of everything that would happen.
Oh?
No, absolutely, And you looked into everything right, like you've thought you knew everything, right. I mean, I had an idea of what I wanted in terms of like my pregnancy and delivery and stuff, but like there's definitely not enough information because there's no template for what happens it's it's all unique to the person.
Yeah, and I don't want to I don't want to get that surprise of like what what's it gonna be like for me? Like what are my nipples gonna look like? Will she will there be a comment?
Yes, will. It's just like there are some things in life.
Yeah, I just don't I'm not interested in having because I'm not, or like will my feet swell like Sara Lena's foot wasn't fitting in her shoe, Like I just don't it. And I know that's like that's Nikki. That's a small potatoes and they look like big ones to me. But that's small potatoes for what you get out of it, which is a child. But I would also argue like I'm trying to make a comparison my set and it's
not working. That having a kid to me is the same as like being an astronaut, and like yeah, when I was a little girl, like everything was possible, like I could be an astronaut. Not really because I'm not good at math, but like if I worked hard enough, I probably could have been an astronaut and some like worked.
In but it seemed too hard.
And yes, going to space is amazing, but it's too hard to get there, so I'm not gonna do it. And for some reason, people can grasp that when you talk about a career, but when it comes to like a kid, people are like, no, you just do it and then it's fine.
But it's like, no, I get it.
It's like amazing at the finish line, but I'm just not willing to put in that work.
I just I can't carry it.
Like it's just as hard to become an astronaut as it is to be a parent, But no one's coming at you like, oh, but you'll go to space one day. You know you should like that.
You want to go to space.
It'd be amazing. You're missing out on going to space. And it's like, I you understand, don't.
You want to age? Yeah? Yeah, yeah.
It's just but I just think that that's an interesting point that people just kind of negate all of the bullshit you go through to become a mom because the mom part is so worth it, and it is to some people, but to me it is not, even though I know that I would fucking love it and it would be the best thing I've ever done and I would never regret it, and ever, I would always say it was the greatest thing I've ever done, because I've
literally never heard someone not say that. It's still not worth it, and it's it's hard for people to wrap their heads around that. Sometimes I think, Uh, we gotta go to break.
We'll be back out of this. Okay, I have to ask a question, please, no I ask.
I feel like we've made it in long enough to the show where I can ask you this. I need like a little bit of relationship help. And I could have texted you guys relations help.
Wow.
So I have just been a raging bitch for like a week and it's definitely hormonal.
I can't control it.
It's beyond and I just like, I feel like the hormones have subsided. And I was wondering, when you guys have something with your partners, how do you reset and go back to zero? Because I feel like if I'm just all of a sudden cheery in the kitchen, he's gonna commit me because.
You were just a bitch five minutes ago exactly.
So I do have a good one for this. All right, you have to fucking eat some shit. You have to go. Hey, can I just address the elephant in the house, which is me being in a really bad mood this week. I just take up accountability, be like, I don't know what's going on with me, but I have been really difficult to be around. And I can't imagine what it's felt like on your end dealing with it. And I had literally no control over it. And I'm so sorry
and I'm so sorry I put you through that. But I am feeling embarrassed about him, feeling like hung over from it, and I just want you to know, like I'm really sorry for what you went through dealing with it, Like just empathize with his point of view without making too many excuses for yourself, and just you have to
address it. You can't just like change back to like I'm nice, because like when that happens to me at least, like where someone just goes from being shitty to being nice, I'm just like, oh no, no, now I get to be shitty because you're in a safe space. Now I get to be the one that's gonna make you feel what I just felt, because I need an apology.
I need an acknowledgment of what I went through.
Character from Fargo when she you know, when she's like bleeding and she's making pancakes and she's like, you want some bis quick and it's like you're yeah, you.
Just oh my god, that's such a good Yeah, that's exactly that scene. I just you know, I've been there before too, Noah, where I've I've just like I think we all have where you just like are acting like a fucking raging bitch and even when you I've talked about it before on the podcast, you're saying something so mean or so shitty or so passive agress and you know you're gonna have to apologize for it at some point.
It's not now, it ain't. It feels too good to coming out.
But you know, you know, you've just created a job for yourself that is going to be way more painful than it is to whatever. Like it's it's going to be so hard to do, but you have to do the hard thing and just like apologize and then come back and help you so much farther down the road because it will buy it will show him how to do the same thing.
I have a adjustment to that. I think was there an acute incident where you did something specifically like so over the top bitchy that that needs to be addressed, or is it just a general malaise of bitchiness over the course of the week. It was like, you know what, like there's nothing specific that can be pointed to, but like, I'm definitely being a piece of shit.
Oh, I think a lot of it is just my tone in the way that I answer or try to control the situation.
And yeah, if that's the case, I don't think it apology is necessarily fully warranted. I think kind you can do kind of like a half apology by going up to them and thanking them for being so understanding while you've been such a bitch over the past. Good, nice, thank you for.
It feels a little bit easier than the apology.
To be honest, the apology is a little heavy. If you did something really like in like specific, like you stabbed him with a knife and he was bleeding, then you would apologize for that. But if you're just like I want to stab you with a knife and it was just kind of like was that a joke? Was that not a joke? Then I think you go, you give him a hug, and you go, I'm just so thankful that you can, you know, understand what I'm okay, bitch.
I feel like that is me, is all is me being all of a sudden nice, and he would.
Just be like, you're addressing it.
You're addressing me to say the word of acknowledge. I acknowledge that I have been not fun to be around, and I am working. I am working on it, and I truly did not have control over it. And I am embarrassed if you are, you know, like I am embarrassed for how I don't have control over it. And it's something I don't want to do again to you, and it probably will happen again because I'm a flawed person.
But thank you for.
Loving me and being with me and knowing that this is a part of me and tolerating it as I navigate what it's like to have all these feelings coming up that are making me not treat you the way I want to.
Final thought, I think you do.
I think trying to apologize without saying the word I'm sorry or I apologize is shitty. I think people need to hear it. I think people need to hear it. They need to feel like they need to. Okay, at least for with Chris, I just feel like it's really bought me a lot to say, like, man, thinking about like your side of things, like if I even say that, like thinking how it must feel to have me be like such a brat for the past couple of days.
I'm just so sorry I put you through that, Like just give him some grasp of you feeling what he felt or acknowledging that, like you put yourself in his shoes.
So I agree with that, Ben, But I I think maybe then it's a tone thing because like the way that you're saying it feels so heavy, and I don't think this is such a heavy thing to be addressing, Like it feels very like therapy speak heavy.
Yes, do it when you're both in like kind of a fun mood and just say, hey, I just want to say, like this is really nice. And I know that this has not been my general tone for the
past couple of weeks. And I know I don't want you to feel like you're crazy for thinking I've been off because I have been off or just like I think that's where we get into so much muck in relationships, is just not it's just acting like something didn't happen, or like moving on from it or like now it's fine, or like just there needs to be more accountability or like more just more self awareness just like being like, man, I could be shitty to be like sometimes I'm like Chris,
it's awesome that you love me because I am really a lot. Like I know I'm great in all these ways, but like not other guys got other guys couldn't do what you do in terms of put up with me, like make him feel special for me.
What I don't say that for sure, And I think we need to feel it a little more.
I don't think I feel it enough sometimes and I'm sometimes I am struck by like wow, I am like crazy, Like I put Chris through some like weird not even tests I don't mean to, but like I'll drop like a bunch of feelings about myself that he's like what like doesn't even know what to do with.
I just hand him a junk.
Drawer of wires and broken things and batteries, and I'm just like take it and make it art.
Like I just like.
Give him my shit and then tell him to do something with it. And he he's just like standing there hold my pile of shit, and like I feel and then.
I'm like I'm gonna go take a nap. You sort through.
This, And I think that I when I acknowledge, like, thank you so much for being the person who loves me and get it, even gets to see the side where I get to let myself be this way around you, like you're so strong and special.
I think that is helpful. Or a blowjob.
Yeah, just start going out to him and rubbing his pants while he plays the guitar.
That would just delay everything. I think I have to just rip the band aid off and just apologize.
Walk into the kitchen wearing a scream mask, and then take off the scream mask and be like, that's how I was, and this is how I am.
Oh my god, that's actually try that.
Yeah, I can stab him and it'll make sense.
Do a dance performance.
Go into get a life sized cage and do a dance with an adult that is the old you for the you do, and you can come to terms with the two versions of yourself via dance.
And make it kind of uncomfortable sexually for everyone who watches it. Yeah, this is an interesting topic and I just was. I'm again I hate to keep saying I'm working on a bit about it, but I am, like, there is something I wanted to work on about how relationships, Like if in long term relationships where you know you're gonna be together forever.
You always check in.
There's I don't know anyone in long term relationship where it's good all the time. You check in and you go, how are you guys, we've been good, We've it's been a rough patch.
It is never steady. It is always changing.
You think you're really good and you dip back down like there's it's it's never it's never always great in a long term relationship. It's just not gonna be You're gonna you're gonna hit rough air. There's gonna be turbulence always.
And if you think it's it's one hundred percent good one hundred percent of the time, your partner is probably suffering.
Yeah, honestly, I just can't imagine anyone being in a relationship where it's just smooth sailing the whole time, like you check because we all have that, whether or not you're in a long term relationship. We all have a Mary friend, how you go, how are you? And John h We've been good? Like it's it's always like there's it's it's always a fucking gamble. You never know because and so often it's just okay, we're fine, Like we're not thriving, we're not all over each other, we're not
deeply in love. We're just fine, and or you're we've been really good, he's not hitting me anymore. Like it's just bare men of like, you know, like in a long term relationship when someone's like, we have been so connected lately, you know, he only has one mistress now, Like it's always just like something it's it's so it's never really that great. When people talk about a long term relationship being amazing, We've never been so connected.
It's it's just hard.
But I do think last night in the Martha Stewart documentary, it was pretty much kind of I guess the narrative was established that she her relationship failed, he cheated on her because she was too career oriented, and the you know, documentarian interviewing her, that's yeah, well it was it was
kind of like, oh, it's your fault, Martha. But the documentary documentary and whatever that word is, asked her what's more important a career or a marriage, and she's like, I don't know, that's the question, and I just.
Go career like very quickly. I'm like, who gives a marriage is?
And I really believe that because I believe happy wife, happy life, Like if I'm happy in my career, I'll have a good marriage. If I have a good marriage and not a career fuck that I don't want, I will not be a good partner.
Career is. Career for me is baby, Career is.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that, Like, yeah, career is your purpose.
A lot of time compare career to marriage. You compare career to baby. I think it's a better comparison.
But I also think of relationship, like when I'm Chris just got done doing two huge career things and we I did not see him at all. Our relationship was just, uh, it was non existent, and I understood that. I was like, I would never expect you to be around right now, like you're working two shows. That would be insane, and so it was just like he had to choose one
or the other. And he keeps saying like, and I've been a bad boyfriend the past two months, and I'm like, you haven't been because it's you haven't been a boyfriend, like it's I don't expect you to be good right now, Like that would be crazy for me to expect that. So stop saying you've been a bad boyfriend, because that's the that's the deal we have. But I I would say, yes, relationships are important, but like no one's ever been like
a friendship or a career more important. And it's like it's always about like a marriage, Like marriage has to be the most that is the that is the goal for every woman and every man, and it's like I just don't think that it can be. I do think a career is more important than a marriage. Do I think friendships are more important than the career? Probably I'd rather have. I think relationships are more important than a career, but a marriage, no, sir.
Frequently the career is the longest term relationship you'll ever.
Have, I hope.
So it was there before your marriage, and it might be there after.
Well.
After meeting and talking to al Michaels, veteran of sportscasting legend the other night and he's eighty years old, I know that that man is so fucking rapid fire, so with it slightly hard of hearing, but not really. We are in a really loud restaurant. There is nothing different from talking to him or my dad, who's in his sixties, and that's a you know, eighty is up there. Yeah, he is so with it because he works. He's still working.
You gotta stay active, you gotta stay talking, you gotta stay involved and with it.
I really I was just I was blown away by him.
I was I was almost nervous to talk to him because I'm like, I, you know, like I don't I get nervous around to older people because I don't.
Want to baby them. I didn't have to do that with him at all.
He's a fucking there was nothing elderly about him at all.
And it's because he's still he's still active, had a career who's been in the same career for forty years. They're always sharp and like with it. But then when you meet someone who's been in the same marriage for forty years, they can talk.
That's very funny. There's something there, all right. We gotta go, thank you so much for listening to the show. We're about to do an intrusive Thoughts episode if you want to get in on that. They are paywalled, but it's not that much and you join Big Money Players Diamond Club.
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So we're about to record that and we'll see you on that.
But see you tomorrow for another episode nick Blazer Podcast on Thursday.
See you then, ye don't be good.
The Nicki Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeart Podcasts. Created and hosted by me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie. Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior edited it engineered by Lean and Loaf, video production Mark Canton and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nicki Glazer Podcast on YouTube, follow at Niki Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel.