The nick A Gliser Podcast, Glaser, here's Nikki.
Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's a Nicky Glaizer podcast. My mom is in studio today.
Hi Nikki, Hi my everybody.
Hiver animal print? Yeah, Brian Franie's here, Noah's here?
Was that song and one point one speed? Or am I going insane?
One point one?
Did that feel like it was slightly faster?
Like one tenth faster.
I just I feel like I'm losing my mind.
I mean that is really an imperceptible amount of speed. More like, I feel like you start to notice when it's one point twenty five. But below that, I think you could trick everyone, except when you're listening to comedy because last go ha, like people's like when you're listening to stand up because I always speed it up and then the laughter sounds and saying that.
Sounds like everyone's just making fun of the comedian. Real funny.
I do like listening to fast forward on podcasts. Yeah, get those done.
Get them done, get them done, get information in fast And there's.
No reason to listen to somebody hesitate.
No, because that would build suspense, and who needs that in this kind of world? I need to know what's gonna happen right now. Tell me I don't need any kind of I can't even like I sometimes will see stand ups that have really pregnant pauses in between jokes, and I just cannot.
Well, they're waiting for a laugh.
No, they're not like the laugh. They let the laughter die down and then they take a sip of water and then they like hold for a beat. And it's like very impressive to me because I'm desperate to ever have any moment where anyone can start letting in the thought she sucks. So if I keep dancing, no one ever thinks she's ugly and she sucks. And that's why you keep That's why I talk so much, is because you don't let anyone in to have the because when there's silence, there's thoughts.
I got you. Yeah. Now I feel like I talk too much? When and is that? What was that directed at me?
Wait?
No, okay, are you a comedian that has pausitive?
Is there anything more vulnerable than taking a drink of water while you're doing stand up?
I literally have never once sipped from water on stage. And I go on stage sometimes for an hour and thirty minutes, and I have never once taken a sip of water because even though I've desperately needed it, because I do, I don't want anyone to have a moment to hate me.
Oh my god, it really is. That's insane.
If you also, when I say good night, I am instantly walking off the stage. I do a thing now where I'll wave and I'll try to linger, but I am walking as I wave. I would never just stand there and take it in because that's the other time.
For people to think, what are they gonna do?
That wasn't as good as I wanted it to be?
Like are they going to slow down on the class?
Or I might see them like getting up and starting to talk amongst themselves about me, Like I just don't want to hear any feedback that I might not they might not like me, And so I just run off stage instantly. People like stand out there and bask in it. I could never ever do that. I'm like Taylor Swift. I want that Florida open up and just to fall underneath it. I don't even like to walk. That is my dream is lowered.
Where people are specifically buying tickets for your show, They're not just like showing up to comedy club but the roster.
Oh.
I know.
It's been like this for years, and I will never lose the feeling that I'm not good, and you don't want me to lose that. I'm listening to my fans who love me so much and want me to have self esteem. No, you don't. You don't want me to get used to it or think that I'm cool or think that I'm good, because that is anti comedy to me. For me, I think there are some comedians that can
like themselves and still be funny, but not me. I need to be desperate for your approval Otherwise the second I have I start going like I'm amazing and like I feel, it shifts and I get less funny. And we've seen it with like the best comedians that have finally found this massive success, they always take a dip because their audiences just applaud everything they say. They stop trying because you don't need to try. Its hard when everyone likes you for no reason because.
Your face, well, you got to try to get better always.
You just have to keep hating, finding new ways to hate yourself and be disappointed in yourself.
Hurt it like that but I get it. I end up sharing that there.
Was another way. I mean, I guess if you're so famous, if you're like Seinfeld or something, and everybody knows you, then it's hard. But like if you just make an effort to go out and perform in front of groups of people that aren't your fans, I think that helps too.
That Yeah, that's good, and I do do.
I do do.
That a lot. I do sets all the time when I'm in LA and people know who I am and are excited to see me. But I never but I literally never even think about my audience as like because I think about of course, I think about the people that are coming to see me that are like fans of mine, but I think about the guy they brought with them who's never heard of me, or the woman that I met this weekend who said I had never
heard of you before and now I'm a fan. Like I think about those people that kind of have to be sold on me and are kind of like or the people that are expecting me to have like the kind of tight roast set that I had at tom Brady, Like I'm thinking, oh, I'm going to disappoint those people because they expect me to like roast the front row, and I'm not going to do that. Down road there's I always am feeling like I'm disappointing people. But I think it's good.
You could throw one roast in there just to you just say like you look like a pig or whatever and then move on.
Yeah, that'll be great.
Is if I look at them, then I then I will see them, and I can't see their faces because if I see that they're not having fun or like they're looking at their phone or something, I will take it too personally and I'll derail my set. So in order to roast them, I have to look at them, but I blur my eyes.
Oh yeah, you said you can do that, and so.
I don't see anyone. And I hope you don't take that offensively. If you're like someone who comes to my show and they're like, I want you to see me, like I go to Taylor Shop shows, there's no part of me that's like she saw me, Like I've lost that kind of That was like a hope I had when I saw Dave Matthews in high school.
Now as a performer, I know you don't really.
You can't and she doesn't people and goes, I love your outfit like she does look at people, but but she's just like, I'm not going to get seen by Taylor Ship. So if you're going to my show to get seen by me, I'm so sorry. Just DM me, I'll like your thing, or like, post a picture of me, and I'll DM you back thank you, and I will totally see you then. Yeah, but that's all I can meet and greets. I don't do that no more.
Oh, I'm so proud of you forgiving those up.
I see. So I put the mandate out for no more meet and greets after the roast because I was just adding all these dates, and Chris and I have been talking about like for safety measures and just for my health measure because it's just not about shaking hands. It's just too much and it's just it's exhausting, and because I like to give it my all and I actually do have fun at them, but like you can't.
You can't keep doing things just because they're fun. Yes, my ass has been slightly graised by someone who my wife is a fan.
I don't know.
I like the roast you did tonight was a little bit different, but you did good kid like that. I have had enough of that. I will miss meeting so many.
People people it's so much fun to be so.
Fun, but it is tiring, and it's you know, if that's you can't keep going to raves your whole life. You might be someone who used to like go to raves or go out to parties. Like you could argue that's fun. Why don't you keep doing that? Like because you can't like and so it's not I'm not saying meet and greets aren't fun because I think a lot of people when they they come up and meet me at them, they go, I know you hate this, and it's like I don't. I I truly don't. It's just
it's a whole other show. I have to be very charismatic and it's it's genuine. There's not any part of me that's like faking it. Maybe there is when a guy says something rude and I have to just be like okay, visir, but genuinely like besties who have met me, like you know that, I'm not faking that.
I'm so excited.
Like I met this weekend. There was a bestie that's listened to every show. I was so excited to meet her. I met, you know, we met what's her name, Renee at Eras in Indie. I was so excited to meet her. Please find me you know who she was? By chance, if she would have said, I'm Renee Guitar, okay, I would have been like, oh, of course, because I've even commented on her name when she's been in the lives watching me play guitar. I'm like, your name's guitar. Please
don't judge me. I'm so sorry to bastardize your last name. And so I would have known, but she just said Renee, so I didn't connect it.
She's someone with the guy that was in the text, and that's her husband. And she wrote to me laughing so much because she was like, that's so funny. You thought he was gay.
It's oh, like, yeah, I said it on.
The show that I was unclear of if it was her husband or a gay her gay friend.
But he's just a.
It was he is her husband. And she took no offense and as why but by the way, why would anyone take offense to being thought that they were gay? Like that shouldn't be something that people go, Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought you were gay. Being gay is awesome.
I'm not.
I'm done apologizing.
If something I think someone's gay and they're not, that is that's insulting to gay.
It could be insulting to him because he's why why do I look so femin you do? I look feminine?
But why is that a bad thing?
I don't. Macho men don't like that.
I know, Well that's a weakness of their if I can't.
Isn't necessarily like gay? No, not at all straight and feminine.
Which is yes. No. They were the sweetest couple ever. They came attacked to me. They're like, we have something for you.
And they had a friendship bracelet that said just kidding, just kidd's so cute.
It's like, what your pictures so cute to get a bracelet made for you?
Julie, Oh my god. I was no. I was astound. I was like, what that is the cutest thing ever.
But I do have meet and greets left on my shows, but those tickets are already sold and any added shows do not have meet and greets. So I'm still doing meet and greets until the end of December because those shows were sold before Tom Brady Roast, but after the roast. I said, no more so, and I'll probably get to a point in my career where I'll start meeting people again, yeah, where it will make more sense.
But it just seventies.
Yeah, when I'm like back.
Yeah, because it's like I will have it won't be that many people now it's too many people.
It's like it's a long line.
And I really want to focus on the show. I want to focus my energy there because when I have two shows in a night and I have a meet and greet in between, like rain for the second show, and then that's robbing the second show of an energy that I could have brought to them, but I'll miss. But I will say that a lot of people have been coming up being like, you're not doing these anymore for much longer, right, like they are even aware, but they're like, why are we getting to meet you?
And I go, I don't really know.
I'm happy you're getting bigger, and.
I'm way I'm the best meet and greet you will possibly get if you ever got to meet and greet me. I dare you to have a better experience. I have a celebrity than me. I really do, because and I'm not because I'm phoning it in, Like I know how much it matters when I've met people for them to say my name, look me in the eye, have a
moment with me. Yeah, Like, I really try to give that because I know what it feels like, and I want you to feel that way, because I'm so graceful, grateful for your your fandom and your support, and I want you to feel good about having done it. So they I put a lot of work into it, and I just don't want to I don't want to sit in a chair and have people come in and not be able to talk to me and just look at the camera.
And then I could do meet and.
Greets like that for the rest of my life, the way the Dixie Chicks did when I met them in the year two thousand filed in told not to look at them, not to talk to them, walk me up and stand behind them as they sit in director's chairs, and then shuffle back out of the room without a word, not a high like maybe a smile. Maybe there was like a high, but I remember being like that was dumb, interesting,
and that made me like them less. Yeah, you gotta think about that, like you think all these things are going to make people like you more that I would say, I just don't like it. Dixie Chicks less after that. It was supposed to be additive and it was not.
Hemmy nominated or Grammy nominated. Artists can say that about their dedication to their fans.
I think that's a good point.
I am nominated for a Grammy. I can't believe. I think it's like a joke or something.
You know you're gonna get this one too. This one is in the.
I don't know if it's in the bag.
In the bag in the back. Vandyke not in this one. Yeah, Joel's not in this one. It's just you versus comedians, and that's the way it should be.
No, I'm nominated for Best Traditional R and B Album.
Oh, I didn't realize that it's you versus Usher.
Yeah, they put me in there as a DEI high No. Uh yeah, it's Best Comedy Album. It's just like a fun It's just funny because as a comedian you never think you're gonna win a Grammy or be nominated for a Grammy. And it's not even like in the scope of I mean, even an Emmy. I was just like, I don't think that it was never the end game or even a thing on my radar when I started doing comedy.
Wow, but it's an They say it's an album, and I mean it all sounds.
Because it is.
It's an audio album.
Okay.
You just thought I was getting a Grammy for my special.
Like nosual no no, for your song no no, okay, So for this for the sound, for the sounds. Yeah, but I'm just saying it's I'm just saying an album. It just sounds crazy that.
Albums comedy album.
Yeah, horn and you started honking that.
But it is cool that I did have my song on I do have my song on the album, so I am I will have won for singing. That's one part of it.
Yeah, yes, it was a factor. And I have to say, yeah, you definitely should not do meet and greets anymore as much as that her. I mean, I don't blame you at all. It's it's you know, even like JK. Rowling used to do like book signings at midnight for like the Harry Potter books when she was like first starting and like people would line up around the door around the store doing that, and then she stopped doing them
around like book four, right, Yeah, everybody does. I stopped doing greats years ago because it was just too awkward standing there with avoiding eye contact everybody who was leaving.
Oh.
I never ever when I was a middle act, even when I was a headliner at a club, at clubs when people were just going to the club because they won free tickets and they didn't know who it was, I would never wait after the show and like collect my congratulations, great shows, whatever it was, because I didn't want. I never want people to give me something they don't
want to give me. And when you are faced with walking out of a show, you have to say good job, and if you don't, they really must hate you, and so that feels really bad. So even the good jobs don't mean anything because you're kind of forcing them by lingering outside the door. But some people just don't care. They'll take they love it. I could never. I could never. I actually I did a thing recently where I got off stage and had a really good showing on stage.
There was it was no question that I did a great job. Okay, I walk off stage and like every you just like when you walk off stage. I would not have chosen this. I would have loved to go through the floor and not have to meet anyone, because again, I just even if when I do a great job, I don't really want people to have to say it, right. But I was walking off stage into an area where people kind of had to say it, and I put my head down and I'm kind of like yeah, and everyone's like, eh, you.
Know, good job.
And I have to walk by this very famous person who just saw me and who I just I said hi to very briefly before the show because I was very intimidated by oh my gosh him and and was like, I'm such a big fan. And they were kind of like, uh huh, like didn't really say it back, but I didn't. I didn't expect them to. I was just like, Okay, I just wanted to say I'm a big fan. So that was before and then that person, you know, two
hours later, is standing right. I have to walk by them, and it's like I'm walking through a gauntlet of good jobs. And so I look at the person in the face because I know they have to say it, and I'm just gonna be like, oh, here we go.
You say good.
Job too, because we just met backstage, and that's what you do. Stone faced me, oh, did not say anything, and I just walked by, and I'm like, oh not only like I would have understood if I really bombed, I would have been like mad, respect you didn't just lie to me.
But I didn't.
Oh boy, I did it. And so it was just like what it was. It was another one of those ones I talked about it on the podcast yesterday where you just go, I got your number, I know who you are. I know I don't really respect you anymore because that was so mean for no reason.
Yeah, it was because you did so well. They felt now like they're lesser.
No, I don't think it was that. I just think it was like, I, I'm my thing is not to give anyone anything.
Oh yeah, no matter what.
My thing is not to be not to be nice.
That's my that's my whole thing is Like I'm not a person who says good job to anyone, So I guess.
Great can Ultimately that does make them elevated above the other people around them because they're not willing to give anybody.
I've seen this person say good like, I've seen this person lose their.
Cool and be a little bit like nice they put and so.
It was just like okay, great, I can't wait. But I was also yeah, i'll tell you later who he was nice to others? Yeah, oh yeah, I'm a big fan of this person of course, or you know others that are just legends in the business that might not be able to get them anything, but everyone just like sucks their dicks. Sorry, I said, dick sucks their dicks. Mom my, mother, you know, yeah, I don't think. Yeah, I did say one time you could see his it was.
It was a very formative moment for me. But I was here we.
Go eight or nine.
It must have been what are you in fourth or fifth grade?
Uh?
Fourth grade? Nine?
I think, yeah, ten, and I was We were on Blaze Avenue, which was so it had to be before sixth grade. And it was a winter Olympics, so it was nineteen ninety four.
I was ten.
I was nine.
I know where you're going, and.
I think it was I think it was Atlanta because it was like the nan here. No, it was winter, so whatever that okay, No, it wasn't not gonna It was nineteen ninety four. It's winter Olympics, doesn't matter, so okay, or maybe it was whatever years around there there was an ice skater guy, and I said, oh, my god, you can see his dick because you could. And my mom her neck, like her head almost snapped off because
she's nicky. And I'm sure there was someone over that was like a neighbor that you just were worried that they were, because I probably would have gotten away with saying that if it was our close I never I don't think it was the first time I'd ever used the word, but I wasn't trying to be indecent. I was just trying not to say penis because I knew penis was a bad word, but I was trying to
come up with a different word. And then another time and you were like nicky, and I remember being like, oh, that's a bad word.
Cannot ever say dick ever, ever, ever.
And then another time I was talking about someone in our memory, Well, no, I have memories of when I've been like when people go nick like you have memories of when someone shamed you about something you've done. You definitely carry childhood memories of that. Maybe yeah, you and everyone's memories. People go you whenever someone This is just a note. When someone remembers something that you don't, it's not because you have a bad memory.
Anya does this all the time. I'll say I remember something. She goes, you have the best.
Memory, and I go, no, I remember that because it was emotionally disturbing to me in some way. You don't remember it because it wasn't like it's not you remember, but you remember emotionally. I remember, but I've told you about it.
Yeah, a lot of it. But as soon as you said it, I.
Was like, but another time I told our we were talking about someone in your friend group and you were complaining about him, and I said, he's such a prick, and you guys were like, you do not say and I go, but you do. It just sense to me. But I wasn't like, ooh, yeah, I'm gonna keep saying that. Like I never understood kids that like were bad and would I would never cuss on purpose whenever I got trouble for cussing it.
That's probably why I was like, Niki, you know, yeah, because I was not a bad kid.
I wasn't like, ooh, I learned a word that makes mommy mad, Like.
No, you never came up with words like that. I was. I'm shocked when I'm sure.
Like Don Johnson was just talking about Dakota Johnson, his daughter, who was a famous actress, and they were on Kimmel and they were he was asking her, like what was she like as a kid, And he was like, you couldn't leave your phone out around her because she would pick someone in your contacts and just send them a text message of filthy things.
Oh my god.
And I was like, I would have been so trouble. I would have never done something like that. And I wish there was a part of me that was, like, God, I wish it was. I was like more of an interesting kid like Dakota.
That's a really bad child, really, but that's cool.
I think that's a cool story. That's colorful, like gives you ad idea of what kind of kids she was. I was just like picking my nose and had buck teeth and was kind of just like what, I'm just staring at things and like.
And this nose.
All the time.
Because you guys, smoked inside, no big deal, just the reason my whole childhood. But if we don't know why she did, and then Nick comes up smoke, give me a break. You guys didn't know the eighties, no one knew.
Thank got I smoke anymore.
Thank god.
Okay, we'll be coming, We'll be coming right back up to this thing. Yeah, you don't smoke anymore. You haven't smoked for how long.
It's been almost thirteen years.
That's so good, So proud of you.
Yeah, you know, dammage is done.
I know your lungs regenerate after ten years. They're like new lungs.
I do get them checked every year.
I get it and they're not good.
They're actually they're good, right, they're good. It's like shock, so excited every time I get that X RAM.
Like, so, kids, you don't need to quit smoking.
You don't need fifties or whatever.
It was.
No, it's some I've actually I have a friend who smokes, and recently I've been really stressed on the road, and I was like, I just want I want to be bad, Like I want to just do something bad.
Could be tempting you.
And I asked him for a cigarette and I took like tupuffs and was like, this is fucking disgusting. And then I did it again a couple weeks later and felt the same way, and it was like, this is fucking disgusting, and it was so great to know that I can just like, do it feel a little bit bad and go yeah and walk away like I used to always think, oh, you'll get sucked back in. I don't recommend that for people who miss smoking a lot. I don't miss it. I don't think about it a lot. It's been for
me fifteen years if it's been thirteen for you. So so I was ready to just like test the waters. And it makes me think that I could probably have a glass of wine and be like, I don't need more than this.
But I don't want to test that one.
Because I think you'd be fine.
I know I have a lot of self control.
I think you are because I won't do anything that's going to fuck with my career.
Yeah, and that made me a great decision when you made it.
I was so proud of My health doesn't matter my career. Your career the only thing that I care about, truly. If you tell me if you want me to stop these, if you will behavior and say you will not, you will be less successful in your career if you do this, I'll stop doing that. And in a fucking heartbeat, and if you but there are also things that if I would be more successful if I did it, and I don't do. But I will say if something I'm doing is going to make me less, I will stop it.
But nothing else will get me to stop it. Not my health, my or vanity will too. Health.
As you get older, you realize, oh my god, it's I used to laugh at that when people go well, at least you got your health. It's like, what, who gives a shit about health? You know, it's all about anything else?
And you start feeling bad, and I realize how bad it feels to feel bad.
Yeah, have bad health.
Yeah, you just gotta.
Yeah.
Brian's had struggles too with pain and stuff. Yeah, I mean matters.
But as a teenager, if you ever thought, at this age you are that i'd be you know, you'd struggle with pain like Brian. Would you have thought there's no way, who cares? You know, you just wouldn't think that.
When I was a teenager, I had IBS and I would go to the hospital like every four months. Oh so I was like that I was pain.
Oh my god, you poor thing that's gone? Now what is it? I mean, it just goes away or you've got it under control?
No I did. I cured it with the d NRS program. Now I have no IBS at all.
Oh yeah, the DNRS program.
The d NRS program.
Would you like to.
Just a test if diet it's psychosomatic? I mean, IBS is a psychosomatic disorder. It is not is it is due to stress, anxiety and emotions. And I cured it. I thought. I went to all these doctors. I went to you know, all these specialists who did all these tests on me, all these genetic tests, and you know, I sent my shit. I froze it and sent it to Texas and they did tests on that. And everyone tried to give me different pills and make me do
different things, and nothing worked. The only thing that worked was realizing that it was my brain that was creating the pain. And through the d n R S for an other things, I was able to get rid of it completely. I can meet whatever I want with no pain. So if you have IBS out there, bothers, you can cure it.
To be being told that their brain is causing the pain. But the truth is the no matter if you break a bone, your brain is what's sending the pain signal. Right, So it's like it doesn't matter if it's your emotions or stress causing you pain. Your pain's still valid. We still feel sorry for you, you still feel it should get all the sympathy in the world. But because we don't give people with mental illness sympathy like we do people with a cancer or a disease a physical disease.
And by the way, a brain is a physical thing, so there is a physical element to diseases. It's just on a like a you know, like you're if you're if you have bipolar, there's something in your brain that's doing something different than other people's brain, or if you're like have OCD, like your brain literally there probably is a physical thing going on in your brain. Don't you think it's not just all well, your.
Brain controls everything in your body, so your brain is physical.
Symptoms, neurons are physical. It's not like you have to.
Rewire the neuropathic pathways.
So, but we need to like change the way we talk about psychosomatic things as like it's your feelings, because that like makes people, that turns people off of like ever accepting it. We have to just say it's your brain. Your brain is doing something is causing the pain, Like your brain is doing a physical thing that's causing the pain. So if you really want to focus on a physical thing that's going wrong, it's in your brain.
And then you got to talk your brain out of that physical And the treatment is, yeah, you.
Gotta have to train it. You have to you have to have new you have to develop new pathways that are positive as opposed to negative due to your triggers and things like that. They call it like a learned brain injury. They call it retraining your brain.
Was it like overnight with you doing this dion RS stuff or was it.
A gradual For the IBS, it was I knew that it was my brain. I knew that it wasn't what I was eating. And then I just I saw some like slideshow or something online that someone put on the slide show. It's not your diet. It's not your diet. No matter what you're thinking, the one thing that's true is that it's not your diets. Then I just kept thinking that. And then whenever once I realized that whenever I saw food that I was like scared was going to cause some huge reaction, I would eat double and
it would be really horrible. For about two and a half months, I would be like, oh, I can't have fu because that'll give me horrible stomach cramps. And then I'd like, well, now that I've thought that, I'm gonna eat double pha, And then I would eat double Pha and I would be in horrible pain, but I would just keep going. And then after two more months of doing that, the pain just went away.
Wait, you ate double fuck just test it.
Yeah, it's just like going again. It's like your your brain develops a negative association with the food that cause you symptoms and it and so when you eat them, you're like scared. You're like scared to eat them, and that causes your brain to be like this is dangerous. You shouldn't eat this, and then it gives you horrible symptoms. And it's the more you practice, But.
Why would you do well, that's it's the backbook where they say if you if you have back pain, instead of every time you bend down and.
You have that like and you braceport, you go, just do do the keep doing those motions.
Don't avoid moving in ways that make your body pain up here, because when you avoid it, you're causing the stress of oh, this is gonna hurt, and that feeling of it's gonna hurt causes the hurt because it's the hurt is caused from stress. So you're you're the stress over the pain is causing the pain.
Practicing do those moves a lot.
When you do, when you bend over and you go, oh, this causes back pain, you're just practicing that pathway in your brain that leads to pain.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like learning a scale on an instrument.
Right, So you're you're practicing your brain learning. This isn't about the movement, This isn't about the movement. This is this is in my head. So when you do the painful thing, you tell yourself this is it's not the movement that's causing this.
It's not the movement.
That's right. And you can go even further and instead of saying it's not the movement that's causing this, you can make it a positive association. Righty, it's even stronger. And you just practice that over and over again until you start acting normal.
And what's the positive association?
Give us one.
So, like the DNRS program, you do these things called rounds where you will trigger yourself exposure therapy to something like if it's your back you're bending over, it's a food you'll have a little bit of the food and then you put yourself in a Basically it's kind of like a meditation, but you do these positive associations where you think about positive memories and you let yourself feel calm and positive, and you put yourself in that space
after exposing yourself to the thing that causes you problems, and over the course of many, many rounds and a lot of time and a lot of practice, eventually it's a stronger pathway to go to the positive thing than to the negative thing, and your brain will automatically do that without even trying, not having.
To think about it.
Yeah.
Wow, it's like how I've been using sleigh recently without having to try. So Emily has taught me all of these gen z terms like sleigh dead, Oh that slaps and you're killing it? Yeah, oh my god, that's oh sleigh sleigh please, like not you wearing animal print today, like things, phrases like that. I So Chris and I like didn't really talk that much for about a month and a half because he was so busy on his
work thing. We would like text like I love you, I missed you, like quick things, and over that month and a half. I've just hung out with Emily so much that my I've started talking differently. Like at first I would intentionally write to her like, oh, that's slagh, like I would like almost jokingly, like, oh, Mickey's using this and we all know like my struggle with these words. But I have recently been saying sleigh sincerely and slaps
without having to think about it. But it's just a part of my slaps is like that fucking cool that kills, Oh that slapped, that song slaps, And it doesn't sound weird to me when I say it, like in my head, I'm sure to others.
But the other other day, I was talking about.
A uh god, I guess, oh, the the cold open for SNL after the election, and I was telling Chris, oh, my god, the Cold Open fucking slade, and I could tell like right after I went right back to like millennials speak with him like hardcore, because I'm like, I don't want him to think like I've changed since we've been on this kind of like because I would have been if he would have said slavest man, like who are you fucking who taught you slaves? And why are
you using it? Like it's a normal thing and it's not ironic. But yeah, I think that you. I think that's like anything in life, like no matter how much I think, it won't work, Like this sounds like it won't work, you know, like, oh, you have to make new If I keep telling myself I love myself, then I won't even have to tell myself that I love myself. I just will Like that just sounds like hogwash and it's and it's or I'll bend over in this way that has hurt me for years and years. Yes, Emily
has not approved of that. Mad a phrase does not slap that sucks.
Wait.
By the way, Emily said that the word cool is not used by gen z. Literally cool is like unused.
What about awesome?
And she said that, wait, no awesome. She was like, no, I don't make sure to approve of awesome either.
Yeah.
She also is like, stops saying thanks. She was like, she didn't say stop, but she was like, you're adorable when you write thanks with two exclamation marks. Like she was like, you always say that. It just sounds like too. She's like, it just is like it's just giving. I forget what she said. It was giving. It was just trying to order or she goes, I go, well, then what do you do? I want to be sincere and I want to let people know I'm very grateful for
what they just did for me via text. And she said t y in all caps, a space and then a double exclamation mark. So that's no effort to me, less caps.
Yeah, and then it's space and then double exclamation the space I.
Don't understand or a gay A gay man can and there's nothing wrong with that, not that there's anything wrong with that. We're getting back to Seinfeld. Seinfeld always did
everything first. But yeah, I was thinking about Yeah, just the you can't even imagine that you will get used to something, or when you first start working out and it hurts so much and you're like, I'll never be strong enough to do this, where it's there's just I don't what is it about our human brains that just have no faith in ourselves for like learning new habits. It's happened to me, But your whole life is just a bunch of habits, habits that have turned into your personality.
But for some reason, when you start a new one, you just go it won't stick, it's never going to and it eventually does Sean O'Connor. Because he has had to take flights so often to be on the road with me, he is terrified of flying.
Okay.
He has to have a special shirt that he brings with him, not that he wears, that he brings with him. That's like a good luck shirt. That's like a thing. And he and I'm always worried about him when he's flying out because I'm like, God, you're just like on the plane. I don't want to white knuckling, like a five hour flight and sometimes there's turbulence, and I just want him to understand.
Like it's it's okay.
But he says it's gotten so much better because he just has to do it a bunch and there's no choice, you're forced. Then he says his anxiety is way less, and I'm so happy to hear that, because but it can't not be.
What does he do with that shirt? Does he cover his head with it?
I think it's just like has to be all like in his bag or something. It just has to be with him. Do you guys have any superstitions like that?
I mean, I knock on wood all the time whenever I say something that's gonna happen.
Yeah, do you find wood?
I find wood. It must be wood. I don't accept if someone knocks on their head and goes, oh, this is wood and it's like, that's not wood, that's bone and hair.
I agree with you. I was on a red carpet once and said something that made me feel like I jinxed myself. So I said, oh my god, I have to knock on wood. And there was no wood anywhere near red carpet. So I had to run off the red carpet to like go find a floorboard that was like in a bathroom off the.
That's the hall that.
We were in. But it was because even the girl was like, you got to knock on wood, and I was like, oh fuck, you're right, Like I can't screw myself over like that.
And sometimes see things that are that are fake wood and you think they're real wood and you knock on that you wait a second, this is just plastic. This isn't real wood.
Yeah.
I always worry about the wood has a varnish. Does that keep you from the wood because you're not knocking on varyeah, but the wood is vibrating. Yeah, that's vibrating.
Okay, that's okay, that's okay. Sometimes I'm in the woods and I'm like, oh, I got a knock on wood, and I look around like there's no wood around, and then I realize that trees are wood.
You forget, Yeah, so quickly we forget. No, do you have any superstisions?
No? I don't.
I mean they don't pop up into my head. I just feel like, whatever happens happens. There's it's out of my control.
Oh yeah, yeah, that's.
Bullshit.
No, it's it's true. The illusion that you have any control over the way that your life is.
Going to No, no, no, if you knock on wood, you will have control.
Everything will be okay.
I do want to believe in manifestation, but I'm I saw a thing about one of my favorite you know uh guys that made manifestation almost about like science that I really believed.
I even bought Dad his book.
And then I saw a podcast and listen to a podcasts that he's like a quack, Joe Despenser, and that he's.
Just he's that quack.
I was really into what he was putting out for a while, and that's and you know, well.
Why are you saying that out loud. You could be introuble.
Because but there's art. I'm saying that I heard something that said he was a quack. I think he's a quack.
That I'm making that I'm clarifying that my mom's terrified canceled because of guy.
Guy might manifest.
If he can really do what he says he can do, my life could be over very quickly.
Well, you were into manifestation. I know. I know.
I'm still into the the pod. Like when I'm on a plane and I picture it crashing, I instantly stop doing that, and then I picture myself landing and being at the baggage claim board, and it costs me so much as if you imagine if you manifest being at the baggage claim in you know, Albany board, that is where you will be and that will one hundred percent happen, and you'll go, wow, I manifested it because there's no
other way to be at a baggage claim except board. Which, by the way, when I was doing some modeling last week at a photo shoot, I asked the photographer for advice about how to model.
Is that what happened? What I have never seen more beautiful pictures?
Well, I think the photographer was really really really oh my god, because I didn't bring anything to the table that was different.
She told me, credible.
You would never think this from a fashion photographer to give advice on how to look like a great model, of great high fashion model. My god, this is brilliant because it is exactly the note. But you would never you would never give this note. You would never think she goes bored at a bus stop.
Oh whoa.
And now look at fashion models and they always look bored at a bus stop. Wow, pissed, angry that the bus is late, and bored at a bus stop, and it it I just.
Would look bored.
Oh my god.
It was like I was trying too much with my face before. I feel like I'm You're like even Cara Dellavine. I remember one time she said, Uh, it's not about making faces, about.
Like not doing things with your face.
It's about like an attitude that you exude by thinking more than like.
More doing your face. Oh yeah, wow, I've never seen such professional picture.
Yeah. I did this photo shoot for this amazing fashion magazine that I don't think I can talk about yet. But it was like the highest It was like the most fashioning thing I've ever done in my life. And what I felt, imposter syndrome was on fleek that day. And I know on fleek is not something anyone says anymore, but it was. I could not believe that I was in this setting. And then after the day was done, Emily was like, girl, can I send pictures to your mom?
Because I think she would love these? And I go, She goes, I know you don't want to see them, but I feel like your mom needs to and I was like, of course you can. And so she sent you a bunch of pictures for the day and she said that you guys are best friends.
Now, oh god, lover, I guess you don't feel the same way.
She's listening for her.
I love what she's uh, she's done for you, and I love that she sent me those pictures.
I was like, friends, but friends, I don't know. She was like, I love Julie. Like me chat now it's happening.
Yeah, you know we haven't chatted enough. Yeahs, I'm concerned you should chat more.
She loves you, she loves.
I will I didn't know. That's awesome. Yeah, no, they're they're they're great pictures. I cannot wait till this comes out. It's gonna be I thought, well, now you're going into modeling. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're gonna be a oh I'm not kidding.
I will say I saw one.
It was really good. Yeah, but really modeling is a very very hard, and I would not want to do it because you have zero control.
I just didn't feel control.
It's like you you can't talk. It's like my way of like being entertaining and feeling like I have any kind of power control is like talking and like having words to express myself, like just looks and your body and like movement like that's why it's so funny that like that would be a medium I would ever do
well in. And also like these lip sync videos I've been doing, like and then Brian saying last week, like so you you came up with the choreography, Like that's so funny to me because I've never been good at my body does not it only betrays me. But it is something that I've thrown myself into every weekend because it's really fun. I'm just trying to do fun stuff
that's cool. But the photoshoot was really fun. You just blast the music you want to listen to, and then you have a bunch of people putting things on you, and you're you do realize that as a model, though, you are like a commodity and you're not. You're just there, gotcha, And they set me a little probably better than a model generally gets treated because I'm not there for the product. I'm more there to for like myself the product, and they they have to be I'm I'm like, I'm not.
But I think modeling is probably a very dehumanizing experience because you're being like pinned and poked and people are commenting on your body, well, no, show her shoulder. Actually no, that's not good like, and they forget that you are attached to the things.
That they're You're not a person. You are a vehicle for a product. You're just you're a hot show.
You are.
Listen, those girls that are high Gigi or whatever, Now, yeah, those girls are all you know, live in the life.
Well, once you transcend the generic.
Model on the models for like J Crew or Amazon like or any you know, revolve these girls that just have to put on thousand outfits in one day, I just standing there like it's yeah no, and I don't.
They're all going to be replaced. They're going to be replaced by AI anyway, everything online.
Why haven't they been already? It's insane. It would be the easiest thing to replace. But I don't think they should. But like, I just think that's definitely coming.
Billionaires haven't best interesting about it.
But then who would take billionaires? Fuck if there weren't models, if.
They weren't shipping models to Yeah, no, that's a good point. I think that that's the one thing that'll save us, is if they can just fuck them then.
Because it's not interesting to say I'm fucking a beautiful woman. It's better to say I'm.
Fucking a model.
Like that gives a billion mind, right, Like, so they have to keep them working and modeling. The robots will not. I will not replace models because then want to be able to say they control.
That's right.
That is we figured it out. Okay, we cracked the code. Okay, we'll be back after this.
Nineteen ninety four Winter Olympics. I've uncovered where it was. It's in lily Hammer, which is which is in Norway, lily Hammer, And do you remember that there was like one of the very first Netflix actual scripted shows. After what was the first one, Orange Is the New Black. After that was Lily Hammer, this show that starred this like one of the side characters from the Sopranos who
had to go into witness protection. It was he was playing basically the character from the Sopranos, but he wasn't actually the character from the Sopranos. That's just his range. I guess he had to. He was put a mobster in New York who had to go into witness protection and chose to go to Lily Hammer, Norway. And he was like a fish out of water, Italian New York guy in Norway going Hey, what's with all these reindeer
and snow? And everyone's like this guy's too aggressive and he's like, actually a nice guy.
Probably still on Netflix, right, Yeah?
I actually think yeah, no, it's still on, but I think maybe they they're gonna remove it soon because it's so like old Netflix, like Netflix BC.
You know, God, it's so crazy how much effort and money goes into these shows that we just forget about instantly.
Yeah, especially with the binge model. The binge model needs to end. It has ruined.
If models aren't binging, how do they purging. How will they say, then, okay, the binge model.
Uh huh.
Here's what happened in when you have the binge model, you wind up.
It's the model where they drop the whole season of TV in one day instead of so they allow you to binge on it.
Yes, okay, everybody winds up watching the show and the weekend it comes out and no one talks about it ever again. And there used to be a time where there'd be weeks between the episodes where people would discuss the show and it would become a thing in culture. And because of the binge model, not only are we now missing that those discussions, but it's also hindering our culture, like there's no more like, Hey, what's going to happen on Game of Thrones, what's going to happen on The Wire?
What's going to happen on Sex and the City.
It's like it's I haven't watched that yet, so don't talk about it. I haven't gotten there yet. But then you're talking about it, No, but you end the conversation because you go, no more spoilers. I haven't finished it yet, so we're not talking about this anymore.
Well, it's a suspense thing. I like it.
Yeah, but it was. But what he's saying is that suspense thing would we would all be on board, we'd all watch TV at the same time, we'd all find out what happened.
Right, Why don't they do that? Because why don't they do it? It's the benefit of the binge.
Well. Netflix tried to disrupt the industry by doing the binge system because they don't have commercials, they just want subscriptions, and everyone followed suit because Netflix was so successful with it. The second thing that happened, it wasn't really just like here's why. It was just like we're going to try this, and it was like working I guess, and I guess save.
Enough money to make enough content to That's.
The other problem. The other problem is when you have a bing show and it gets released, the show gets watched in a weekend or a week and then it's over and then the next season of the show is not going to come out for like two years.
Yeah.
Yeah, it used to.
Be a show was parsed out over ten to fifteen weeks over the course of the year. So while episode four was airing for the first.
Time, they got a pick up and then they would start writing the next season as that season was still airing, so then by the time that season was over, they were in pre production for the next season, and then you would probably get the next season within a year. And now that has been like it's now you get
the next season, you know, like nobody wants this. There was a bit like that obviously was a hit right away, and they picked up a second season, and I think they're writing it right now, but it's gonna be then they have to shoot it, then they have to edit it, and it's going to be a while before that dumps again. Even though people are clamoring for a second season like.
That, could you lose all the momentum?
It wouldn't have even the season one wouldn't have even been finished yet. If they were just parsing it out week by week.
Right, people would be talking about it every week. It would still be in the zeitgeys. They would still be Noumber one on Netflix. And then the next season people are gonna forget about Nobody wants this, And then two and a half years from now, when Nobody Wants This two comes out, people be like, oh, yeah, I remember.
That show Flight Attendant, Remember flight Attendant. It was all anyone could talk about. Yeah, and then no one watched the second season. Yeah No, I mean because the momentum was gone.
Handmaid's Tale, Handmaid's Tale season and the final seasons of Handmaid's Tale, people are like that show is still on the air, whereas the first three seasons everybody was but two years and that they suffered from COVID. But like, a two year gap is too long to expect us to remember a show that we liked.
And I just feel bad for people who make these things in them because when I have released, when I've been on a TV show that is going over thirteen weeks, you get that you feel like you're you're working for that thirteen weeks you made the show that felt like you work. And then then you're like, I'm still working. I'm still promoting this show as soon as it airs, and it's done airing, you're like, I got to move on to the next thing.
So there's that.
Yeah, the second at premieres, you already have that sense of loss that you don't even get to like enjoy this like kind of rollout and I mean it's kind of like a movie. I mean, it just comes out and then it's it's gone. I guess it's like the same kind of vibe as a movie.
But a movie is a product in and of itself. It sucks for the for the staffs, it sucks for the The quality of the show suffers too, because if you have a hit show with a full staff and then it gets released in a binge model and then it gets picked up, all of the writers for that show need to have need to get other jobs in
order to make money. You're much less likely to retain your staff if you're doing a binge model then if you were releasing it week by week and getting a pick up and having a rolling cycle, because every time you do a job, you need to go get another job immediately because it's over quickly and you don't know if it's going to get picked up and you have to move on.
And then when it does get picked up, you aren't available because you add another job, so they have to like find someone else to be the new You ever wonder.
Why, like, well, season one was so amazing and then season two sucked, It's because they didn't get the same writers.
Right, because those people had to go find other jobs.
Right.
AIKE final thought, what do you got going for the rest of the day.
I might go down to our river.
Oh yeah, my parents river cabin flooded.
Just halfway and it's just like the bottom level, which it can it can flood because it's.
A concrete floor. It's like a basement rise.
But you gotta scoop out that inch of mud and it's just a mess. But we're almost done. Hey, we got it done. Yeah, we put eight hours in.
I'm like, I'm taking lave. How is your body feeling?
It's fine? Really? Yeah, I feel great? Oh my god, how I said, I was so mad at your father for posting that to you. I said, Nicky's gonna be so upset.
That I'm I'm I'm just like, I give up.
It's yea.
The selection has made me so like anything that I used to be like upset about, I'm just like, it's none of my business anymore. If you if dad wants to tell you to go when you have an injured wife who's constantly complaining about her body aching, if you want to tell her to go on a one hundred mile canoe trip with you and your friends, and she says, yes, I can, You know what that's up to do anything. I guess, I guess that's just what's going to happen. If you have a sixty five year old woman who
has to scrape mud for eight hours. Instead of hiring someone for a hundred bucks to do it for you or whatever, it would be Craigslist.
Honestly, honestly, it's not. It wasn't really that big of a deal.
Two guys in a shovel. I'ever company.
It was great exercise, is it? It was? Well?
I knew I had a feeling that when Dad sent those you were gonna be like, don't send her those, and so I purposely didn't write back anything. Oh, I know, why are you doing this? I will pay to have someone do this for you. I why would you live an extra ten years longer because you don't do that to your body? Then do it and then you then you save one hundred and fifty bucks or whatever. I think, save money now, don't worry about the damage.
Really, I did listen to me, vulnerable body, listen. I actually really was taking care to not overdo anything. Okay, I promise you.
Well, you're feeling good, so it must have worked.
And that was three days.
Did you get your hand scanned back.
No, I go two days I get my does it take for them to result of an I'm not allowed to know that what's going on yet until I get this. It's a nerve study that I'm having done on Thursday. They do a nerve study on my hand to see if you know, if there's entrapment or whatever, which I'm sure there is, and we'll find out after that.
What would have caused that, like inflammation.
No, it's just like an old injury that you know, re bumped or something. It's not broken. Uh, you wish I wish I would had an answer like that.
Wouldn't that have been great?
It would have just come out.
It was like whenever they do a scan and then they go, no.
It's it's fine, great, Oh well we don't see a break, and it's like, what, there's no break there.
I think Brian would say, do dnrs.
I he could say that, but it trust me, there's something going on. Yeah, it's an injury. It's an injury that just needs to be give me a shot.
Wait, did you get the handbrace that I sent to your home?
Yeah? It didn't work. It's just you can't sleep at that thing. It's so oh, I'm sorry, no, but we tried. You tried. Yeah, it's great, But anyway, I'll have more answers. My hand is numb when I wake up in the morning. Oh my, oh my god. So it's something's going on. But anyway, I'm getting it. I'm working on this. But they always said to the girl, what if I they have no feeling in my hand all day? Why why do I am on hold for this nerve study? Well, because because you can't get in doctors.
You can't get I can't get into any doctor in town for general. I can't get a doctor. And I drop people go drop your name, Oh I do, No one has any room, there's nowhere to go. And then once you go, it's it's I don't know, it's.
Yeah, it's fifteen thousand dollars. Fifteen thousand dollars for the year, and you can see a doctor whenever you want in a moment's notice. That's what you have enough money to get concierge.
Yeap, will you send me that because I don't even know what that is.
I don't have the info. I can't I know some people who do use it, though she does.
Yeah, okay, Well why don't we get you that too, That would be amazing.
I don't.
I would rather give that to you than me.
I'm a kid, that a daughter I have my God, I mean, who wouldn't if you have that money to spend, why would I don't know.
If it's.
Thousand, yeah you think, I mean it costs you to go, but it's fifteen thousand dollars for your Like you know, your membership to their shock depends on the doctor.
Yeah, and you can.
They don't take insurance or anything. Yeah, No, it's all it's the you know, it's just someone. Yeah, that's it's it's a great buy. You has any problem at all? Like, the answer to your problem is money. You just need more money. And if you can't see a doctor, if you just had enough money, you could see it. There's plenty of doctors who are just there to take rich people's money and they totally ignore all the poor people and regular people because they don't and they don't take insurance.
They don't have to. And that's the answer.
Oh and also, if you are in trouble with the law, if you just have enough money to hire the right lawyer, a judge will hear your case. That is the same as someone else's that doesn't have that lawyer, and the dlorus is nothing different to defend you than the person next to you that is, you know, there for the
same possession charge or whatever you got caught doing. And you'll get off if you have that lawyer because they have a deal with the judge, and then the person who did the same thing as you doesn't and has to be on probation for two years. I witnessed that happen to myself because I had a good lawyer that someone else got for me right out of because we got busted together on the street smoking weed.
And you know, over a decade ago.
We go to court and we have an amazing lawyer because the friend I got arrested with is was super rich and was like, I'm at fault here, I'm gonna take care of you.
I'm like, great, we stood up to.
Get our you know, you go to court and it's like, you know, everyone stands up as they read each one. You know, we got busted for smoking weed in the street, not like any We didn't have a lot on us or anything. We all we got was you just for a year. You just can't have another drug charge and then it'll be expunged from your record, no community service, nothing. Then the next person had the same charge.
The same same judge, but the same cops.
Same Well, it doesn't matter the cops. It was the same charge, but it was judge sentencing, same same thing, right, And they get a year of probation and and you know, one hundred hours of community service or whatever. And I go, why shouldn't it be this gets rich. It's just everything's about money, and so I just that's why when I am like motivated by money, it's like.
Duh, why wouldn't I?
And then people go, why are you? You shouldn't be motivated by money. You shouldn't be motivated by esthetic things. Well, when you're hot, people throw money at you. When you're famous, they throw money at you. So me wanting to be famous, me wanting to be hot, me wanting to be rich, it's all because I want to just not go to jail and I want healthcare. Right, So it's not there's nothing vapid about those pursuits at all, because if you look at it, that's the way this world works, and
it's fucking shitty. And that's why people with money should spread the money as I try to do as much
as possible. But the problem is everyone is that gets money as greedy as fuck and convinces themselves that they did something so special to be rich, and other people who aren't rich aren't you just didn't do as good as me, because I'm special and I did better than you, and I'm better than you, and God chows me to be rich and he didn't choose you, and that must because you're a bad person when it really has nothing to do with that, right, yep. And those who can
understand that more quickly. I don't think you even think it's possible for most people to understand that because it requires empathy, which is apparently gay now. To have empathy, it means you're weak. It means you are a sucker to have empathy. It's really all twisted. I really see the messaging being like, if you have empathy, used to be a good thing to have, and it is literally something that people look down upon people for having.
Weird you see it? Are you kidding me?
Yeah?
It's everywhere. Yeah, No, it's why we're in this position that we're in. Everyone needs to look out for themselves, not for other people. And what is looking out for other people require you to have empathy. If you don't have it, you don't care about other people, right, And so it's just Brian, you were saying it. It's just easier dog eat dog.
Just dog eat dog.
So the sooner that you accept that and just look out for number one and no one else, the better time you'll have on this planet. But I'm not doing that anytime soon. I I love being miserable. I love being disappointed in other people. It motivates me, it makes me to continue to work be disappointed myself and others. And so I'm in a great fucking position right now for my career in life. I hope. Uh this was fun for you guys. Listen to mom. Thank you so
much for coming in. Brian, thank you, Noah, thank you, thank you, besties. I'll see you out on the road. Nikki Glazer dot com for tour dates, so many, more, so many.
Check us out tonight on Thursday Night Football.
Oh yeah, oh my god, it's tonight tonight.
Yeah, Thursday Night Football on Amazon Prime not recorded before. Oh okay, yeah, so we'll be we'll be. I'll be in Philly tonight on the field at the Eagles and Buccaneers game postgame show on Thursday Night Football on Amazon Prime. Binge Ity by Guys Don't Be Coo Bye. The Nicki Glazer Podcast is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money
Players and iHeart Podcasts. Created and hosted by me Nicki Glazer, co hosted by Brian Frangie, Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sonny and Noah Avior edited it engineered by Lean and Loaf, video production Mark Canton and music by Anya Marina. You can now watch full episodes of the Nicki Glazer Podcast on YouTube, follow at Nicki Glazer Pod and subscribe to our channel