#GirlDad

raising young ladies. And I have the pleasure of introducing to my friends and to legends who have been serving legends throughout probably the past four or five years, and that's Lennard Wheeler and Mike Rutger. So as we get into this podcast, the first thing I ask you, guys,

what's the first thing that got your attention? What you're let's go with your first daughter, Mike, I think, um, I agree when when you're saying, like, you know, you're a guy and playing sports, like you just want this boy. You want to make sure you have a boy. And first it's always like I want I want my kids to be healthy, and then I want that boy, you know, carrying the name and so forth. In the family, and

so we didn't find out what we were having. So when we go into the to the emergency room and we have and our daughter and she comes out first, you just excited. So you and your wife decided we are not going to find out. No, we're not gonna find out. So the whole time, did y'all have any inklings? Like I had none? None? You know you have all you know, where's your belly at this and that? But at the end of the day, like when when when your first kid, there's a lot of emotions going on.

So when you have your first kid, you know, you count your toes, everybody healthy, yes, and then it's just like you just look at your your girl like this is my girl and um, and in my mind it was like this was my girl, it's my boy. It's all wrapped in one. And that's the way our relationship UM has been, and that's the way it started. It was just rough. She's rough, she's tough. UM. When I go through the injuries that she's had, and we just

talked about this a couple of weeks ago. The stitches and and the broken arms and all those kind of things that that fits her personality, that fits her being the first child, she was rough and tough. If she could have played football, she would have played football. Um built like my mom, built like my grandma. We're we're a family of women, and so it was just fitting for for us to have, you know, a girl right out the back. And literally we've talked about your daughter.

Can she out run you? Yet she cannot. I told her that she'll probably be able to run me when I'm around seventies seventy, not even close right now. Well, I'm not gonna say, hold on, you didn't ask was it close? And it really depends on the distance, because that's what I was gonna ask you. It depends on the distance the four hundred. No, she cannot run. No, she would not be even if I had a poor hamstring,

I would crawl through the finish. Life got you. So you still have that, dad, I still have that down like this game on, let's go. So your first moment, Yeah, what your daughter? What being that gridiron dead? What was it? That moment? Like probably my first moment when she was in the hospital, she took her breath before she came out of the womb, and so they had to kind of rush her out. So that they can suck it out of her nose. So I noticed that that initially

she was going to be impatient. I mean she was ready to do She was ready to come into the world before she was ready to come into the world. And so when she came into the world and she took that first breath, it really she really captured my heart right there, because at that time, you don't want anything to happen to your kids. And so at that point, just the just the compassion and the love that I saw in her eyes, I was like, I'm done. That was my baby all day. There's a question, did you

guys cry? I don't think I did. Know. I was feeling too much to cry. I was feeling everything. Is this the meal answer? Or or am I getting hold on? Now? You're asking when you but I okay? Are you saying did we cry when we first saw them? When you first saw your daughter? No, I didn't cry when I first saw But did I have did she have my heart string? Would you describe that since there were no tears evident? What what does that mean? Your heart strength?

That there was nothing that I would not do to protect her? In my head because I looked at it almost as the father looks at me to say, I'm responsible for you. And so that sense of belonging to this world literally just just catapulted me to a different level of responsibility as a man to say I will do everything I have to do to make sure that you are okay. Wow, Mike, I didn't cry. Um, thinking about it, now, I didn't. You didn't, not. I didn't because she was upside down and so they had to

use an instrument to to pull her out. And so I remember when she came out, she had, uh, it's kind of a suction cup and so she had a cone head. And all I can think of was is that gonna stay like that? You know? And so that's where my mind kind of was at. But then once they said absolutely not, it will go down, just because of the suction cup that they had to use. Um, so I think that initial emotional peace was different than than you know, the crying peace other but um, but

I'm hearing two strong football guys. You were sounding like you were in the room. Oh yeah, like all into it. Like I was used to be a time where a man told me, don't tell me about the paint. You just delivered the baby no, no, no, I wanted. I wanted to deliver the baby actually, but they wouldn't allow me. No. I was in it. I was in it all day to win it. I wanted everything to do with it. Now, Mike Lenna mentioned one daughter. So I'm asking you, because

you have a daughters and son. Learning mention his daughter got his heart string. You use it on here that when a boy is born, right, how would you describe that? So between the daughters and your son being lawn again, you know, then I was like, okay, um, you know we've got one of each, and so my boy, it

was totally different. Right. So, um, this story behind that is we're a young organization with the Carolina Panthers, and we have just made the playoffs and we have a home playoff game against the Dallas Cowboys, and we knew that we would be on the road if we would go to the Super Bowl year, we'd be on the road. And so she wasn't due for another two weeks. So we had to make a decision to go into the hospital to have the child, induce, induce or go and

and risk me being on the road somewhere. And this going on, and you can already imagine the tussles of emotions that you have to do there. So we beat the Dallas Cowboys. Maybe six eight hours later, we're in the hospital and we induced in and we had our boy.

So again, the emotions were totally different because you you just laid it out on the field less than like, you know, twelve hours ago, you know, on TV playing the football game, and here you are totally different emotions of having your second child and finds out you know, it was a boy, and so um, so some two different emotions. But then again I was just happy because now I had, you know, a girl, and then I

had a boy and he was a big boy. So I always felt like you know, um, you know, we were checked the boxes there of having one of each. How did you handle the difficulties you mentioned your daughter ingesting oxygen immeatly in the wombs right then your daughter being flipped? Yeah, how did you handle that? Because we try to handle things as athletes, right, how did you handle that? There are so many different emotions that goes

through your mind. Tell us about the no. But seriously though, okay, so one of the things I don't know how other cultures do, but African American culture, we have a thing that where look at the color of the ears that

will tell you how dr baby is gonna be. Yes, I've never heard that I'm gonna I'm gonna check your car later, but anyway, so so so we always have a thing to say, look at the baby's ears, and that will tell you how doc they're gonna be right and so so when she was born, I was like, okay, let me look at the ears and you're serious. No,

I am not kidding. So all of these things come to your mind because growing up in different cultures you learn different different things whatever, those different beliefs, et cetera, and so and so when Lindsey took her first breath before she came out, it kind of shifted me because I had a mindset of things that I wanted to kind of check off. So when she took her breath, I was like, okay, okay, now they have to take

care of my baby. So they had to get her out of there, take her over into another room, you know, suction her nose and the whole deal. So it just just like Mike said, those emotions continues to just follow your baby and you just want them to be okay. Being in all of male dominated culture football, right, what's been your biggest challenge raising a girl? I'll tell you

one I realized just recently. My youngest daughter and three girls, and we're all at the table for dinner, and so we're typically going around the table and everybody say, how is their date? What's happening? Or my youngest daughter she tells she tells a story, but she wants every detail,

like and they could take her half an hour. I'm like, sweethearts, you got to speed it up, so everybody else, But it just like having that patience to know how important it is for her to express like the details versus like we get out assignments like hey, let's go, let's go. Are are you finding yourself? You patiently listening outside? But then we're like, can we get the show in the row or something like that. So what was your what's

been your challenge? I think for me is that she's like me, so she thinks like me, she acts like me, And it hasn't been uh, it's been up to like I would say, in the last probably six months that we've kind of found a way to communicate because it's almost like I'm communicating with myself, and so whether it's the way that we're going to start a conversation or how we're going to debate. She knows my techniques and I know her techniques, So it's kind of like battling myself.

So you you like the Will Smith movie, what just kind of came out somewhere like that the female side. So just in the last day six months, she's a senior in high school. Um, she knows where she's going

to college. So we've done all that. We're kind of in that phase of, you know, how do we start to communicate as adults, you know, as she works and has jobs and stuff like that, and so we found a good space to where I need to just be able to listen, you know, so many times as a dad, like I'm trying to prepare her for this big world, and there's things that she's already learned along the way that I just need to listen more and not and

talk less. And I think that's helped our communication because, um, I'm not battling myself in the mirror now, I'm listening almost to myself and having a conversation with my daughter and knowing that she is the one that observes. So she she's one that might not talk a lot, but she observes, and so she's learning through that. And so for me, I needed to realize, like, she's she's good, she's ready, and I don't need to talk so much.

But now it's time to listen and enjoy this this time um of of before she gets out of the house and starts her own journey. So I would say that's been in the last six months of our evolution. Has anything happened when Lindsay has surprised you? An example what I mean but that my second daughter, who a little more antsy, anxious, and I would wonder, man, when

she starts to drive or something like that. Well, she's been one of the best drivers in a family, right, so she kind of surprised me how well she drove and did she went away to college and how well she did away because I was wondering how she would do, how she would have adapted. Anything Lindsay has surprised you, Maybe she has really surprised me in a lot of different ways. I started dating my daughter when she was two years old. Alright, explain that, well, and there's what

fun do you want? You will come back to one of the one of the reasons I started dating my daughter is that. So when Lindsay was born, I said, I want to be a better dad that my dad was to my sisters. Okay, I grew up with two sisters, to biological sisters and a half sister, And I said, how do I become a better dad that my dad was? Seriously like, that was my focus. I said, I want to make sure that she understands that when she looks

at me, I'm the first man that she dates. I am the first man that my daughter days, You're the standard. I'm the standard. And so how do I want her to continue to evaluate and to assess her relationships moving forward. I'm gonna have to set the pace for that. And so I remember I started dating her when she was little, and then she started wanting clothes for our days. She's like, well, I'm gonna have to wear this for for my day

with dad. And so we would go out and we would go to our movies and and we would have instances where I'll have her head done and then we get to the place and she's back there with her hair all up in her hand, and I'm like, Lindsey what are you doing? We get ready go into the restaurant and so, you know, so who set the presidents. They just set the stage and her expectations for being in relationships to me, and so that was very important. I started doing it when she was almost two years old.

The surprise and he's surprised. You know what the surprise was About three months ago she was asked to go to Paris to model for social media. And you know, she's an influencer on on social media and and how many followers she has almost she has almost six hundred thousand followers. Yeah, so she has almost six hundred thousand followers. She was asked to go to Paris, and she was like, damn, I'm so excited. And I'm thinking like, okay, I have

some secret servicemen that I know. I'm gonna have them watch her get off the plane and then I'm gonna have to track your phone. And man, she handled it like a pro and and I just had to I had to sit back and I think, inc it's almost like the word says, raised a kid up the way they should go. If they go away from there, come back, I think, what what we have to do? It like Mike is saying, we have to trust what we put in we and we have to also trust that the

father isn't more controlled than we are. Sometimes we think we're really in control, and the fathers like, oh no, you're not right, and he has them. So that was just so she handled it like a pro. That's good. Both of you guys have athletes. So, Mike, what trade does your daughter have in her athletic lane similar to yours.

I think it's um wanting to win and in the part of being a perfectionist at the craft that we've done so UM for a number of years she played volleyball UM, and just her the way that she attacked it, the way that she would bring other people along with her, UM is something that I would see in myself. And uh, you know, we had conversations. I think UM as a father, you know, sometimes we try to UM imprint them with us and our DNA. They have our DNA, but like

our fingerprint on them. And so I I as a father, had to learn also that she might do it differently, or she might do this differently. And the thing about being athletic UM was that she had some of the abilities, but there there came a point to where she was like, I don't want to do this anymore, right, And she

had her career path. She knew what she wanted to do, she knew what she wanted to to grow up and go off to do, and so some of the athletics was kind of interferen And so as a father of growing up and playing multiple sports, I had to come to grips with that that that's okay and and that I needed to do that. How did you come to grips to it? I think I think it's inside. It was like, at the end of the day, she's healthy.

And if if a kid can tell you what they want to do, I think as a parent, that's half the battle. So then that allows me to support them whatever they want to do, versus trying to force feed them. And hey, I was a baseball player. My kid needs to go to college and play baseball. Um, it was supporting her and what she wanted to do, just like I wanted to do what she wanted to do, Just like there was somebody out there to supporting me when

I wanted to play football and invested in me. And so that's when the switch turn and said look and she knows what she wants to do, she knows where she wants to go to school. How can now I use my resources to help her in her endeavor and not be my endeavor? How did you handled Lindsey heaven over six d thousand followers, most famous than you? You know what? I actually love it, right? Um? I celebrate her as much as I can. Um. You know, I am a disciplinarian by nature, but I just I love it.

I support her and everything that she's ever done. And at the end of the day, just like what Mike is saying, we want to make sure and I've met your daughters, you know, we want to make sure that at the end of the day that they feel supported, that they feel heard, and that they feel valued, and that they understand their worth. Like we it is our job sometimes to make them feel that they have worth in this world. And I think at the end of the day, we just have to continue to celebrate where

they are. How did you guys coach your daughters or did you coach your daughters? Um? So, just like you, So, Lindsey wanted to cheer in the fifth grade, and so she said, hey, Dad, I want to go out for children out like no, not chilling, but in my hand this sound effects did you well you like like that inside right? I learned so but but so so so she didn't know how to do real cart wheels and nothing. So I remember literally we did cart wheels every night.

We did cart wheels every night. I had her jumping off both suit balls to do splits in there. The whole thing. I just just like what you said. We had to coach our daughters and the same thing went all the way through college. Man, all the way through college. Well, the oldest one she played volleyball, so the wife did that, so there were some coaching techniques there. She played basketball,

so I you know, coached there. My youngest one, uh did cross country and so neither one of us had done cross country, so it was new to both of us, which was actually good because we couldn't tell her what to do, and so she learned on her own in a good way with our support. But um, and now she jumped in the chair again. Neither one of us exposed to that. So this has been new to all

of us. Were in some new chartered territory because like Leonard said, with the cheers, like it could be weight all day and they go and right there for like a minute thirty seconds. And we're down in Atlanta and we just spent the whole weekend for a minute thirty seconds. So there's some adjustments going on with us, but again she loves it. So we're there in some capacity to support her. And there's I have a story, so lindsay, Okay, So Lindsey went to Georgia chech to run track when

I'm trying scholarship the whole thing. Her first track meet was at Vanderbilt, and she didn't know I was gonna come. So I surprised her and drove the Vanderbilt from Charlotte. So I'm sitting. So I'm sitting in the stands and I'm looking at her, and she caused my phone. I'm like, what is she doing? She caused my phone. She's over in the corner. She goes, hey, Dad, Now she has no idea. I'm looking at that. You're there, right, What should I do to warm up? Now? I've been training

her my whole life. She already has been training with the coaches, but she trusting my training initially, and I said, hey, baby, you have to trust your coaching. I didn't tell I told you have to trust your coaching, And I said, by the way, I mean the stands looking at you in the corner. And she started laughing, and so I had to release her. I had to release her from me at that moment where you have to trust your coaching,

like they know what you're doing. Final question for legends that don't have girls, what did What do you wish they could experience? Letter understanding the importance of the emotional awareness that needs to exist with happening a daughter. The emotional emotional awareness, the emotional engagement exactly of what he needs as far as emotionally to be an active listener,

an emotional engager to where he is. Uh. He's engaging with a certain level of sensitivity uh and empathy, you know, because I think it it takes him back to his mom and it allows her to be able to see something totally different than him as a man. But you might, I agree with Leonard said, with the with the empathy and the emotion part, because with my first girl, it

was a mindset if we never have another child. Um, she was my girl, she was my boy, she was she was all that wrapped up in one and I think looking back, that's kind of how I treated her, was like my boy, and that might be why she's

kind of like me. And so with my third girl, I mean with with my youngest girl, UM, that relationship is different and that emotional piece, like Leonard was talking about from me being a male being able to tap into that and having to switch gears and to understand that, Um,

it isn't one size fits all. So when I grew up, there was three boys in the house and a younger sister, So there wasn't a lot of interaction with my sister, you know, So I didn't get a lot of that emotional side of me that the girls have pulled out of me as as a father. UM that I think that has made me a better person, um overall overall, and when I'm in the workplace, when I'm interacting, um with with females and and UM, that's helped me out personally.

I know that that last question. But something came to my mind when or if your daughter ever tuned you out when I get that moment like whatever that letter, UM, when when I'm talking too much and I'm not listening, are you aware that she's yes, yes out? You can you can tell like if like if if there's a little extended time and not returning text messages and like return my text message, what's wrong with you? I will stop paying for stuff right now. So you have to

throw out a little threast. But but probably when when I'm not listening and I and I really just she just needs my presence. Sometimes all they need is your presence, not your words. They don't need your words. It's been great. Man who does legends were talking about our girls, our girls girls. That doesn't get any bee doesn't get better. Thank you Leonard, Thank you Mike. That's been amazing. Thanks for listening in the best is you have to come.

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