Welcome to the new manager podcast. I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello and welcome. I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well. I wanted to share as we get started. Just too cute little story. I have a client, we work together for most of this past year and we had our final session about a week ago and on our last call her husband wanted to jump into the call. He just like popped his head in.
He wanted to say hi and meet me and He just said, oh, I just wanted to say thank you for all the work you've done with my wife, this year, she's so much happier and we just I'm just so appreciative of like the work, the two of you have been doing and that just felt so good. You know, it's kind of just a nice reminder that we are all connected to others in ways. We don't always realize and in the workplace when we are managing people. You know I think we sometimes
forget that. And the people we work with go home, right? Like how they experience their work, they bring that home, right? So if they go home and I like, I just really love where I work. I really appreciate my manager. Even though things are hard, sometimes I always feel like they have my back and I just, you know, I just am lucky to work with great people.
Like that's such a nice feeling, as opposed to if you've ever had a difficult time with your manager and you, Go home and you tell your partner, or your friend, or your family like I don't know what my manager is doing. It's so frustrating, you know, like we've probably all been on both sides, it just for me really brings home the significance of the work that you do, because it's not just you, it really does Ripple out, and it affects communities and
families. And It right, I believe it, truly ripples out and affects the bigger society that we are a part of. And so I don't know. It just brings it all into perspective. When I think sometimes work can feel very challenging in the moment in the kind of nitty-gritty and the personalities and all of the conflicts that arise, right, because those will always happen.
But when we kind of pull back and take that higher level View and reminding ourselves, That the work you do, has such a beautiful ripple effect and sometimes you might not even see that. And the other thing too that I wanted to share in the context of work that I was doing with my client, is also to highlight and, and remind you that managing people. Yes, that's something we do in the workplace but it also ripples out in other places.
So if you are active in a volunteer capacity, if you're managing Volunteers people that don't officially report to you. People that are donating their time. That there's not a money exchange learning how to manage people in that context. Also, super important super valuable. If you are needing to manage people in the context of your family, there might be you know a wedding being planned, there might be different family Dynamics Acts that are changing over time.
So many of the perspectives and tools that I help my clients to develop the of wareness, that gives them self-confidence. The communication skills that let them be more effective in communicating with different personalities and having difficult conversations and establishing clear, boundaries and clear working agreements, the ability to You think strategically and make decisions from that lens versus making decisions from a very reactive place, right?
Being able to be more responsive rather than reactive in the moment. All of that, even though so much of it is initially in the context of the workplace, all of those skills and abilities that you develop, you can and will use them in other relationships to, which is kind of cool when you think about it because it ends up making so many things so
much better. So for today, I wanted to spend some time talking with you about presence and in the workplace especially as you rise in leadership roles, you might start to hear this term executive presence coming up more and more. You might hear it. As you know, we need you to have more Executive presence we want you to demonstrate executive presence and that can be kind of a weird thing to hear about, if you've never heard about it
before. And so I wanted to talk a little bit about how I think about it and how I help people with that. When you first start to manage people, you might not hear about executive presence but you might get feedback. We want you to be more assertive or we want to see you. Eight more or, or speak up more. It's this sense of what is the presence that you're bringing, and one of the reasons I think that can be confusing, is it can people often have a hard time.
Describing what that actually means. So if you say okay I will have more executive presence. What do you mean by that? The person who's giving you that feedback might not actually know what they're asking for because it's one of those qualities that we And kind of sense and perceive. But if you ask someone to really pin down, like give me a list of what that means, sometimes people have a hard time articulating it so here's some thoughts. I want to offer to you about it.
So when we talk executive presence, let's dial it back a little bit and just talk about presents. What does that mean? And I think about it as what is the quality of being that you are bringing into the room either a literal physical Physical room or a virtual room. What is the quality of being that you are bringing into the room? And that's often going to be an emotion or something related to a feeling.
So, for example, if you are feeling very insecure, really uncertain, lots of self-doubt, not really safe because you're afraid you're going to be judged or you're going to mess up or You're just feeling really insecure, you're going to bring that quality of being that feeling of being insecure into the room and people will sense, that something feels a little
off, right? And part of it is that you will convey being insecure by. Not speaking up by staying really quiet by keeping your body language, kind of guarded and protective like the The way that you behave will be an extension of how you are feeling on the inside. Whereas, if you are feeling very self-assured or very confident or very welcomed, like you just always feel welcomed whatever room you walk into you think, the reason I'm here is because
I'm welcomed into this room. I totally belong, right? You will then your behavior will extend from that and it will show up. And the expression on your face on the quality of your voice on how often you speak up and the things that you share. And so when people are talking about, you know, what is the presence that you are bringing their often trying to point to, what are the behaviors that you're showing? But where are they coming from? Are they coming from you? Feeling self-assured and
confident? Went and and capable of giving direction and making decisions or are you coming with a feeling of being uncertain and insecure and self-doubting? And, you know, needing to check like not not having the authority to make a decision and so for executive presence I think of it as it's a role, right? Like an executive is a role. It's a person who has the authority to make decisions. And the responsibility to be
clear in the decision-making. And so when people are saying you know we really want executive presence they're really trying to convey a sense of. Can you make us feel that you have the authority to make decisions and that you feel confident and self-assured in the decisions that you will make? Like is that the energy that you're going to bring into the
room? And I think this is really interesting because if you are a person who is underrepresented in your organization or in your industry and by underrepresented, I mean when you like walk into the room either it like a real room with other humans in it or a virtual room like you get on. Into the zoom call and you look at all the people around you if you have the thought, oh wow, there are not a lot of people like me here.
If that is your thought, then that signals being underrepresented and it can be across lots of different dimensions, it might be around gender. It might be around your ethnic background. I'm like a very tall person but I'm also kind of ethnically ambiguous. I'm half Filipino. And I'm half-white, and people are sometimes uncertain kind of my background. I'm really used to that.
So I'm very comfortable with it. But it's interesting sometimes being in different rooms and kind of feeling people kind of do that. That's sweet and that assessment. And sometimes it's like, oh, do I do I code as a brown person in this context. Do I code as a white person in this context? It kind of depends on the room that might that I'm in. So, I have some times where I feel like, oh, yeah, I feel very welcome. Aimed and like, I fit in, and
then I have other times. When I feel like, oh, there's nobody like me in this room. It can also be around educational background or professional background, right? So, it might be like, Oh, I'm the only one in this room. Who did not come up into the industry in this, very traditional path. Or it might be. Oh, I'm the only one in this room. Who is this age? You might look around the room and think. Wow, I am the youngest person here. Or you might think, oh my
goodness. I am the oldest person here, and it's actually weird when you switch and then it's actually weird when you're used to feeling like the youngest and then you feel like the oldest or when you're used to feeling like the oldest and then you're in a new room and you think, oh my goodness. I think I'm the youngest one here. So anyway, that's what I'm
talking about. When I say, if you have felt like an underrepresented person in your organization in your industry, if you've ever thought There's not a lot of people here that are like me, then this becomes really significant in terms of presence because what we tend to do, when we are underrepresented is we tend to try to scan the room, assess the room and then adapt to try to connect or to fit in. And in a long-term kind of extreme context we can think of
this as Code switching. We can think of this as being just very adaptable and it is a wonderful skill to have. I also actually think of it as a very valuable life skill. The ability to assess perceive observe adapt to kind of fit with the flow of the room. But then what happens when you are in a leadership role is actually. Now, you are the one people look to to establish the tone.
One to set the tone of the room and to bring a presence that is going to be a bit more vibrant or bold as opposed to blending in. So that sense of needing to really kind of claim your space, and hold your space, with a sense of presence of like, this is what I'm bringing into the room and I feel self-assured and confident about it and I have the authority. Ready to make decisions, and they will be good decisions. Even if not, everybody likes them, that's kind of how I think about it.
And what's interesting, too, is, you can still be a really warm kind person and have executive presence. So it's not about, you know, being tough or hard or cold, or calculating, or or overpowering, right? It's not about who I demonstrate that I have. Power over these people because of my status and position. That's not it. It really is more about.
I honestly think of it as an internal sense of feeling self-assured and confident and it is in my authority to make decisions and an understanding that that is your role and responsibilities. So there's the combination of both the feeling, what is the feeling you have and then what are the behaviors that will flow out? Out as an extension of that feeling. So those are some things to be aware of.
You can absolutely still be kind and have executive presence that one can be interesting because often kindness can be misunderstood as weakness. I see this, sometimes, especially depending on the industry that you work in, if you work in a very kind of combative industry than kindness, sometimes can Need like, in a way that gets misunderstood and it's really cool. When I see my clients who are just like, very kind people realize, oh, I am a kind person. And I am very warm, but do not
be mistaken, right? Like, I'm very clear about why we are here and what my role is. And I feel very reassured and, you know, this, this ability to not be bullied or overpowered or settled by someone who Miss reads kindness as one of my clients said so beautifully, she said oh I'm kind because I want to be not because I have to be because I think sometimes you know there's kind of this social Norm where people are kind because they have to Curry favor with someone in a greater
position of power. What's really lovely? As when you realize, oh, I actually like Being kind. That's just who I am as a person. That's how I like to manage. That's how I like to lead and do not mistake that kindness for you know, thinking that I have no boundaries or that I'm not clear about roles and responsibilities and I will be a very kind person, but I'll also be very direct and very clear and everything will be fine. Just, you know, don't don't mistake me, so that's an
interesting. testing element when we think about executive presence because you want to be able to access that in a way that feels genuine to you and not in a way that feels performative or like you're having to kind of mimic or mirror someone and this is really important if you are underrepresented in your organization, the normal thing that we do is we tend to look to who are the other people that seem to be Exhibiting, the behavior that is wanted and so
it's easy to make the mistake of then mimicking. People who are very different from you. You have different styles or different backgrounds and thinking oh if I'm, if I have executive presence, I'm supposed to look like and behave like these other people. That's actually not what it's about. It's more about. What is the feeling that you have on the inside? And then how do you bring that into the room to change the energy of the room? So people have a sense of safety and Clarity.
I'll share one more story that I think is helpful for understanding this because it has less with people and it's more about like how we relate with animals. So a while back, I was doing some work with a friend of mine who has horses and what was really interesting is that with horses they are very honest with what they perceive and how they feel, they don't try Make you feel good. They're not going to agree with you secretly. You know agree with you on the surface and secretly disagree.
They're just very honest in what they're perceiving feeling and it flows right into their behavior. So I had this experience where I'd walk into the round pen with this horse that was at Liberty, meaning there wasn't any halter and no tie, it was just walking freely in this small enclosed space. And what emerged in that moment was the horse looks At me to try to kind of assess. Like, who is this person? Is she a threat? Is she, you know, do I need to defend myself against her?
Are we going to do something together like what's going on? And then very quickly, the horse was like, oh, whatever she does not know what she's doing, and the hearts just kind of went off and was doing its own thing, and it was so interesting because when I was feeling insecure because I had not a lot of experience with horses and I was worried about, What's going to happen here? It was so fascinating.
You know, in the, the way, my friend described this, she's like, you know, the horses job is to know who's in charge so that they can feel relaxed. Like a horse is a herd animal. And in a herd there's always like a lead mare whose job is to keep an eye on everyone and the environment and then alert them if there's anything they need to pay attention to. And so if a horse Has by itself. It's going to be assessing its environment and the moment you walk into the space, they will
be assessing. Are you the lead mare or am I right? Like, are you the one who's going to be paying attention and kind of setting the tone and if not, then I'm going to do it because somebody here needs to be paying attention and I will just do that for myself if you are not going to step into that role and it was so interesting to notice, right? Because humans to we Very social
creatures. And when you put a lot of humans together in a work setting, or in any kind of setting, there's kind of the sense of who is the adult in the room, who has the authority to make decisions, who is kind of looking out for the big picture for the good of all of us like who is that person? And so when we're thinking about, what is the quality of presence you bring into a room? What is the executive presence that you bring I want to offer? /.
It's kind of like that. Like, it's that sense of okay? I will step into this room with that energy and the intention of having clarity about my role feeling self-assured and confident about why I'm here and what I'm here to do, and what our relationship is and don't worry, like, I've got this, right? So that is what I wanted to share with you the sense of executive presence and kind of
what that means of normalizing. Also if Something you've never heard of or if people are now starting to give you that kind of feedback and you're feeling a little unclear about what they
mean. Then you know this episode will have helped to get a little more clarity around that and if this is something that you know you want to work on more specifically, then we definitely should work together because that's something I love to do and I like to help my clients with and you can go into the show notes, you will See, a link to book time on my calendar and we can talk about how to get you there, and we can just make it happen.
So, that is what I wanted to share with you notice. Also, before I last thought in your own environment, if you think about the people that you work with who stands out to you, as having a quality of executive presence or who stands out to you as having that quality of presence where when they are part of the meeting, The project or the team, you can relax a little bit because you think, okay?
Like this is the person who we can look to as a leader who will make decisions and it may not have anything to do with their title. It's not about the title. It's really about the energy, the quality that you bring into the space. So that's what I got for you today. I hope you enjoyed and I hope you have a really great day. I'll talk to you next time. Bye. Hey, before you go, if you like this podcast, please leave a review. Tell me why you listen and what has helped you?
Thanks so much. I'll see you next time. Hey, before you go, if you like this podcast, please leave a review. Tell me why you listen and what has helped you? Thanks so much. I'll see you next time.