Welcome to the new manager podcast. I'm your host, Kim nickel. Welcome back. I want to talk today about taking things personally because you're a human, you will take things personally because the people that you manage and that you work with are humans, they will take things. Personally, it is something that is so obvious. And yet, we forget this all of the time and it creates So much trouble, so many problems, we assume that if someone is being impatient or short-tempered with
us, we take it personally. We think, why are they being this way to me? Did I do something to make them angry? Why are they not giving me the attention or the guidance or the mentoring, or the support, that that I need what's going on? And it can be really helpful as a skill. Bill to practice not taking
things personally. Now at work, you want to practice this with yourself and also practice it with other people and by that, I mean, remember that when something is happening you want to be able to take a breath step back for a moment and named what is going on in the most objective. And observant language that you can. So for example if you're in a meeting and somebody interrupts you instead of saying or thinking, why is this person
being disrespectful? They keep interrupting me and it really bothers me. Do they not value? What I think, are they too focused on their own ideas? To hear what I have to say instead of going down that whole path instead just notice? Oh this person interrupted me, This person cut me off and then pause there. I want you to practice, unhooking the emotional part from it and the reason why is because, as humans, of course,
we have emotion. But as we develop more skill and being self-aware, as well as communicating, when we slow things down and unhook, some of the emotion from what the behavior or what the situation is, it gives us a lot more room. To choose how we want to respond and how you want to communicate. So, for example, in that situation, where somebody interrupts or Cuts you off, you could say, hey I noticed you keep cutting me off and interrupting me, why do you do
that? And you can ask it from a place of genuine curiosity, not necessarily in a way that's putting them on the spot or calling them. I'm out of putting them down and of course, be aware and be Discerning with the environment that you're in. If that's with a whole group of people, maybe that's not the best place to ask that question to that person but being willing to have an uncomfortable conversation and not taking it personally from this genuine place of I'd like us to have a
more productive meeting. I'd like to be able to know my ideas are being heard. I'm concerned and confused if you're Take me and cutting me off and I've seen you done that. Have I've seen you do that with other people. That's also going to be a problem for you down the road to You have different kinds of conversations that you can have when you stop taking things. Personally.
Now, the other nice thing about it is remember that everyone you work with, also take things personally, we're humans were in the center of our own universe. And so, one of the ways this plays out sometimes is when you are context, switching, when you are going from one conversation, one kind of work one. Send that you're engaged with and then switching to something
else. Sometimes, our mind is still on the thing that we were doing and we're not fully present with this person who's right in front of us, we're not fully present. We're not fully engaged. We're not fully listening.
And the other thing that happens is, if you have were having a very frustrating conversation, you show up to your new conversation, still, with that emotion of frustration, if you are feeling angry because something was not going, according to the way you wanted it to go, you show up to your next meeting or conversation. Still feeling that anger still feeling that residual emotion and because people take things personally, whoever you're speaking with now Will think,
why is this person mad at me? Why are they frustrated with me? Why are they not fully present and listening to me? Do they not value me? Did I do something wrong? So you get to start to notice this in your own life and start to practice, not taking things personally. And also understanding, of course, it will happen. You're a human, it's okay, it's not a problem. But we want to be aware of when we're doing that. And then we want to be able to shift.
Things by taking a breath by slowing things down a little bit. And it's so interesting because we often think that the way that I move quickly is by doing things fast, but when it comes to communication and especially how we relate with and build trust with others, the fastest way to slow things down is through, poor communication. It's when we don't have self-awareness.
It's when we communicate in ways that create more confusion or create more resistance or create more uncertainty when we're not communicating, in an effective way, that really gets in the way of everything and it's fascinating because I have a lot of students who come through my class and they say, oh, you know, I feel like I have to respond immediately.
To every message to every request that comes in but what happens is that they sacrifice being thoughtful and and they sacrifice providing a useful response in exchange for simply being very quick and it's almost like the the the poor communication just proliferates and then everyone has too many messages and feels overwhelmed and nothing gets done. And there's so much that is gained by In place lying down in a moment. So notice for yourself, as you
continue to go through your day. Where are you taking things personally? And how can you shift it? Where might somebody else? Be taking things personally. And as a manager, or as the person coming into the room with that self-awareness, you can say, hey, just so you know, I'm coming from a really, you know, frustrating phone call. So if I still seem kind of frustrated or upset, it has nothing to do with you. It's just And this other thing,
but I'm here, and I'm present. And let's have a great conversation. A lot of times Simply Having the awareness and the communication to Simply named what's going on, it lifts the uncertainty and it creates more connection and more trust. And it's a way of taking a lead and really setting the tone of what kind of conversation are we going to have here? So that's what I wanted to share with you today. Continue to be amazing at work.
Joy, not taking things personally and I'll see you next time if you know it's time to level up but you feel your perfectionism Self Doubt and uncertainty getting in the way then come work with me. We'll have six months of one-on-one coaching and it all starts by going to my website. Kim nickel.com, / coaching and joining my waitlist talk to you soon. Soon.