Welcome to the new manager podcast. I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello, and welcome back. I am recording this episode on New Year's Eve. Well, actually New Year's Eve day and so I'm feeling very reflective and I'm thinking about life and career in this very holistic, full circle, big picture way.
And so today I want to talk with you about self-care and why that matters as a leader and as a manager and initially they might seem like different things, but they're not, because I can tell you with a high degree of certainty that you will be a better person to work with. You will make better decisions, you will have more patience. You will communicate more effectively. And in general, be a more effective and enjoyable person at work when you are taking care
of yourself. And there are four specific categories of self-care that I'm going to share with you today to help organize how to think about this, as well as how to implement and put into practice some kind of self-care that works for you. So let's start with the physical, the physical body, because you're human, you have a physical body and your physical body needs sleep or rest. It needs to eat and it needs to move the very most basic level
your physical body needs. These three things, it needs to rest. It needs to eat it. Needs to move. And a lot of times at work, we spend a lot of hours inside sitting down. We completely forget that our body needs to move, we end up getting kind of collapsed forward and hunched down especially if we do. A lot of sitting work, a lot of work on our computers and I know a lot of us do. We don't always eat well, sometimes we eat too many snacks. Sometimes we just eat.
What's convenient? Sometimes we just eat at our desk, we don't really appreciate it. Joy and and taste the food or we eat for a very emotional reasons, we're really stressed out. So we eat a lot of whatever makes us feel better or we drink because that's a way of soothing our nerves or of connecting with friends or it's just part of the professional culture, that's what you do with your work colleagues as you go, have a drink and a lot of times we don't sleep.
Well, if there's a lot on your mind, you might not sleep. Well, if your brain doesn't Doesn't turn off and you keep thinking thinking, thinking about this problem, we don't sleep well. And so all of those things can combine into you making, you know, just not great decisions or being difficult to work with or just not feeling your best. So I want you to take a moment and, you know, because I'm recording this and it's New Years that cusp of changing
years. It's such a nice time to pause and reflect and notice what are the different ways that you already do. Good job of taking care of your physical self and I don't mean, you know, you don't have to go to the gym, you don't have to change you know, do anything crazy with your diet? Just acknowledge and give
yourself credit for. How do you currently take care of yourself and as if you really cared about your body like as if you really enjoyed and appreciated having a physical body that lets you move through the world and be a human. So notice what you do to support your physical body and your
self-care there. And then just think what is one or two things that you can do to help improve or to help care even more for yourself and maybe it's around sleep, maybe you're not getting enough of it, or maybe you're not getting a nice quality of sleep. Maybe it's interrupted a lot. Maybe there's something you can do differently in your ear. Dang, that will help you have more energy, and just feel
better in yourself. Maybe there's something around your movement, maybe going to a dance class or going for a walk, or, you know, finding some kind of physical. Aliveness. That lets Your Body Move would feel better. So that's our first level physical body and its really, it's one of those things that seems very simple and very obvious But it can be really easy to neglect our physical self and it can also be really easy to think unkind thoughts about our physical body.
You might not know about that, you not, you might not know this about me yet, but I have also been a yoga and teacher a fitness instructor. And so I've done a lot of work with people's bodies, and with movement, and I've also done a
lot of dance in my life as well. So I understand very well, the Practice of being in extreme scrutiny of oneself of looking at yourself in a mirror or just in your mind's eye and thinking, oh, all of these things about me are are not okay, or my life would be better if my body was different.
Or if there was something different about my physical being and it can be really settle, it can be very persistent and sometimes we don't even notice it, because our logical brain is like, but your body would be You know, your life would be better if your body is different. I just want to invite you to consider the possibility to just take yourself, like, give yourself a break. You've got a physical body. That's awesome.
And so much of our work life, we can completely disconnect from what we need, we can completely deprioritize our own physical well-being and There's another way and it's just starts by noticing and by caring. So that's our first level, physical body, rest feed yourself, move yourself as you care for yourself. It makes you better and how you think and how you show up for others, okay.
Second level is our emotional body, our emotional well-being, our emotional care and that is the part of you that wants connection with other The part that wants Community or friends or family. It's the part that wants to be with somebody else and feel like, wow, this person really gets me. I can be myself with them. I feel accepted and loved and cared for and appreciated. We all need that humans. We are social creatures. We are wired for connecting and being in relationship with
others. And when we don't do a good job of caring for For those relationships then our quality of life goes down and it also makes us less effective at work. And I have a friend who was going through a really tough time at work and was not doing a good job of leading her team and actually got called into HR and had a talk with her because she wasn't doing a very good job and people were very unhappy and they didn't like the way that she was leading and said, hey,
you got to turn this around? This isn't working. We've been getting some complaints about you and it brought her up short. She thought, oh my gosh, like, what's going on? And after a moment of reflection, she realized that the issue was not so much her, her work situation like the real issue going on for her was that
her marriage was falling apart. And she was putting all of her emotional energy and to dealing with her relationship, And her marriage that when she came to work, she had no patience for anyone. She was very impatient and she was very Curt with people and she wasn't bringing any energy into the relationship and the way that she communicated at work because she felt completely depleted because of everything that was happening in her personal life.
So for you to, as a human, the way that your relationships are in the whole of your life, will really affect the way you're able to be in relationship with people at work.
And so, in terms of self-care, what I want you to think about is, who are the people and what are the relationships that really leave you feeling relaxed and energized and cared for like, Who are the people that you really enjoy spending time with and if you are in a place where you realized, wow, I have completely neglected my friendships or maybe I've moved it to a new city or I'm in a new place where I don't feel like I have strong friendships then that's going to be a really
strong call to you to begin to tend to and prioritize. Those friendships, those relationships, bringing more care and putting more creating more room for that part of your life to be healthy and happy and robust and thriving and you might also think of two and your professional life and at work who are the people that you feel have your back? Who are the people that you feel? Appreciate you and the work that you do.
Who are the people that you enjoy working with who are the people, that you genuinely feel like, oh, this person gets me. I really enjoy this person. Who are those people? And if there are none of those people in your life at work, that's also a really strong signal to pay attention and start to ask, okay, like, what is going on here?
Is this a place I want to be? Or are there people who I think could be Friends at and I have not reached out to that person, or I have not made myself available to that. So care for your emotional well-being, notice the relationships and the people that really fill you, that really let you feel connected and a part of something good, in your relationship and choose. How can you nurture? And create more connection more time with those people.
And also, So notice our is there someone or are there people in your life who really diminish or get in the way of that well-being? Is there, is there someone that you are in constant conflict? With is there. Someone who really disrupts or really creates a great feeling of self-doubt, or frustration or anger in your life and just be aware, like, where is that? Who are those people? And then you start to start Begin to ask yourself.
Okay. How can I engage with those people if I have to, but in a way that's not going to get under my skin and keep me up at night and really take up all of my time so that second level emotional body. Okay? Third level. That is our intellectual body or our analytical and thinking mind and your mind wants to learn. It wants to grow. Row it wants to play. And the play aspect is often what we lose sight of when we are in a state of high pressure and high stress and achievement and work.
When our mind gets to activated in the analytical space, that's when we can become really obsessive. And that feeling of you're always working, even when you're not at work, you never feel like you have time away and it feels burdensome and it feels like it's It's this looming, entity that you can't get away from. So the thing that helps to shift that is bringing a little bit of playfulness into it.
Bringing a little curiosity into it because that will still let your mind, be awake and active, but it creates a little bit more space, so it doesn't feel like you're being crowded by your
thoughts. It allows you to be open and to feel comfortable, not having all of the answers and that can be really challenging because in our work life, very often, we feel like I'm supposed to have the answers or my job is to solve all the problems and the truth is, sometimes there's not a straight solution, there's not an answer, there's not this kind of, you know, magical answer. Key. There's just challenges and complexity. Tease and nuanced and imperfect information, and imperfect
timing. And all of these other Dynamic elements that you're really in this Dynamic relationship with. So giving your mind the space and the permission to not know to not have an answer to not need to solve something and still be relaxed and okay. And let yourself be engaged in the act of play and curiosity that can help bring.
That mindspace into balance and that's often why there are so many stories about people having these brilliant, aha moments when they are out for a walk, or they are in the shower or they wake up from sleep. It's because they've let their thinking analytical mind, relax, a little bit and take a step away from the problem or the question that they've become obsessed with. And when they start to let their
mind. Look at Elsewhere and they start to engage their body or do something sort of different, that's when new ideas and solutions and possible path start to emerge. So there you go. Oh and the other thing is have a curiosity about what you want to learn because that desire to learn and grow and become masterful at something. Also is really healthy for your own well-being. And it's nice way of caring for
yourself. You know, none of us like to Plateau or become complacent or just level out and not have anything new to learn, we start to get bored and that's not funny either. So in your life let there be something that you're interested in learning about and it might have nothing to do with your work. Maybe you want to learn a new language or maybe you want to learn to cook or maybe you want to learn like a new like kind of style of dance or a sport or Circus Arts.
It could be anything but your life will be much more enriched when you have something that you're enjoying learning about and very often when we are in a state of learning and we get to be in that student mindset. Again, we can also gain insights and ideas that will then help us in our work situation because we get a fresh perspective. We get New analogy and need like all of life becomes a metaphor that you can then bring as leverage and tools into your workplace.
So find something that you want to learn. Give yourself not just the permission but really allow the encouragement to continue to learn and grow so self care of your mind State. Oh and if you have a mind that also is very very overactive and you can't sleep at night or you wake up at 3:00 in the morning. Earning and you can't go back to bed because your mind is really obsessing over its thoughts or you're worried about work. You have a lot of anxiety.
That is also where meditation which I am, of course, a huge fan of and teach on separately that can become really useful to and there are lots of resources for meditation and how to go about that. We can talk about that more in another day but care for your mind and how it learns and how it rests and It likes to be engaged and playful. All right. Now, fourth lover level of well-being and a self care is about your spiritual body.
And by that, I mean it is your awareness that you are part of something much bigger than just yourself and your own life and that can be a sense of you are a part of life on the planet that you are part of a bigger cause or purpose or Mission, it can be related to your sense of Legacy. Can be related to your sense of what you want to contribute and leave on the planet. It's this awareness that you get to be alive for just a little
bit of time. And what would you like to do and what would you like to experience with the time that you have on the planet? For some of us for me too, it can be really easy when you're just trying to get through the day or when you're just focused on the month or the quarter, it can be easy to lose sight of that big picture and your
self-care around. Your spiritual self is when you pause and you take a step back and you say, wow, I really have a perspective that whatever it is that I'm struggling with right now. I'm really part of something bigger and this is just one. Moment in a series of moments, of my life. For me, one of the things that connects me to that sense of purpose.
And that sense of perspective is spending time in nature, I live in San Francisco, and I'm fortunate that we have some beautiful Parks here and that I can also drive to the coast and go for a walk along the beach and to be near the ocean to be near that. He Huge sky and to really feel so small. Like I'm just one tiny person in front of this enormous ocean beneath this incredible Sky.
If you've ever spent time in a garden or a forest, and I grew up in Santa Cruz in the hills, in these Redwood forests among all of these ancient redwood trees and these trees are so tall and they are So old, they've been around for hundreds of years and to stand beside one of these redwood trees, and to just look up and not even be able to see the top of it. It really is very humbling and it really reminds me of this bigger sense of scale. It lets me connect and feel just
a little bit, both more relaxed. But also this sense of I want to live my life in a way that that feels meaningful. And when I lose track of what that is for me, then things get really hard. It gets really easy to lose oneself and The Daily Grind or in the demands that are coming in Non-Stop. But connecting with that sense of spiritual nests that sense of I get to be here for a little while. I want to make this as wonderful and learning full and useful and experiences.
I And that will also really help. So when you tend to your own self care, when you treat yourself like a friend, like someone you care about when you become your own life partner, in this sense of you are aware of and care about your physical well-being, you are aware of and care about your emotional. Oh well, being you are aware of and you care about your intellectual well-being. And your mind State you are aware of and you care about your
spiritual well-being. When you tend to all of these levels of yourself, All of the ways that you are alive and a human. You can then Step Into Your Role at work as a manager, as a leader, as a Riri whole human. And I will tell you that you can then be more insightful, more communicative. You have a better like a better resource fulness. A better sense of Millions for dealing with the the highs and the lows and the unexpected
challenges. And all of the emotions of all of the people that you also work with, you will be a better, more grounded, more resilient calm in the center of the storm kind of leader. When you remember to tend to that for yourself, you also then start to role model for those around you that we care about. About who we are as humans and you create that sense of, hey, like be responsible and care about who you are and care for yourself and communicated along
the way. So I hope that's been really helpful for you. And that as you think about what the next year will be, there might be a particular Dimension that you really want to put some time and energy to which one of
those four elements. Pence will help you to show up more fully, and with greater power and with greater Clarity and insight and resilience at work, which will help you to be a better manager, a better leader, a better communicator and colleague, at work, that's where the stuff gets really interesting. You know, this idea of professional development and personal growth, they really
intersect quite a lot. Not as you start growing into your leadership role and as a manager because so much of what you do is, how you do it, and how you show up, how you communicate with others, and how you relate with them, that's what gets things done. And it's also one of the easiest things to break and to create friction and to slow things down. So we begin by tending to and caring for oneself and especially as we transition from 2019, and to 2020. I hope you've had an incredible
year. I'm excited for the year to come. Thanks for listening, we'll see you next time. If you know it's time to level F but you feel your perfectionism Self Doubt and uncertainty getting in the way then come work with me. We'll have six months of one-on-one coaching and it all starts by going to my website, chemicalguys.com coaching and joining my waitlist talk to you soon.