Welcome to the new Manager podcast. I'm your host, Kim Nichol. Hello and welcome. I'm glad you're here, and I hope you're doing well. I wanted to start today's episode by reading a little bit from this book I mentioned a while back. The book is called Dignity, the Essential role It Plays in Resolving Conflict. It's written by Donna Hicks, who has had a very fascinating career in international conflict resolution. She wrote this book some years ago. I stumbled upon it.
I found some incredible passages that are really useful for thinking about a lot of the situations we face in the workplace every day. She also has a book that's been published more recently about dignity and leadership, but I haven't read that book yet, so I believe it's really good. It is on my to read list, but we're doing one thing at a time here, and I had posted about this book on LinkedIn not too long ago, and I received so many comments about it.
There are so many fans of Doctor Hicks and of her work and so many people from so many parts, you know, of the world and so many different industries. And it really seemed to strike a chord. It really felt like, oh, this is something really powerful and really useful that many people are already putting into practice. And I feel like I just arrived at this party and I'm still kind of new looking around and realizing, oh, this is really
great. And because I had such a an incredible response on even just like my simple post about it, I wanted to come back today with a little bit more from that book. And also, you know, to welcome you, if this is how you found my show was was from that post on LinkedIn. Is there something else that I found I wanted to share? And what's interesting is that this comes from the very beginning, like from the introduction of this book, just to give you a sense of how much it has to offer.
This comes like before you get even even into Chapter 1. It's a few words from the preface and then from the introduction. So here is what Doctor Hicks writes. She asks a couple of questions. What would it look like if our inherent dignity were recognized on a daily basis? What about the way we treat one another in everyday interactions? What about the psychological ways in which people experience
wounds to their dignity? What about being excluded, misunderstood, treated unfairly dismissed, or judged as inferior on the basis of an aspect of their identity that they could do nothing about? And then she goes on to say, what is the dignity model? It's an approach I developed to help people understand the role that dignity plays in their lives and relationships. And in the end, the message of
the model is quite simple. Demonstrate the care and attention for yourself and others that anything of value deserves. That is the first and only imperative. Don't miss an opportunity to exert the power you have to remind others of who they are. Invaluable, priceless, and irreplaceable. Remind yourself to dignity is a birthright. And then she goes on to talk about how how she's seen it in
her work. Like what it means the sense that we must treat others as if they matters, as if they are worthy of attention and care. And what I really appreciate is that I feel she really speaks to something that feels so core to the human experience, something that is resonant and relatable no matter what industry you're in, no matter where you grew up. It's something that I think is very recognizable for all
humans. And so when I think about what it means to be a manager, what it means to step into a leadership role, this lens of dignity, both how do you treat others, how do you treat yourself? I think remembering that piece of it can become very important, especially if you are either facing some kind of active conflict or friction in the workplace, in relationships, or if you fear it. And with a lot of the people that I work with, there's often a fear of, it's almost like
ending up being over cautious. I'm afraid to have this conversation because I'm afraid of how this other person will react. I'm afraid to address this directly because of how it will seem. Will it reflect badly on me? And this shows up whether you're thinking about managing up and how you communicate to your manager or whether you're thinking about your colleagues. Maybe there's another director and the two of you are having some conflict and it's affecting your teams.
And even though you're trying to protect them from it, maybe some of that conflict starts to radiate outward anyways. Or maybe the fear around the conflict is about how you will need to communicate to someone on your team, either telling them something that they will be disappointed by. Like maybe they think they are ready for a promotion and you don't see it that way. Or maybe it's something that you're expecting pushback or resistance or anger about.
Maybe they think they've been performing at a really high level that you see things differently and are uncomfortable about how to approach that conversation. So if you have any kind of discomfort around conflict, which is so normal, by the way, like I think that's, you know, a very common thing to feel, then I want you to to realize that there are ways to think about relationships, ways to think about conflict and ways to think about this lens of dignity, this
model of dignity. And how when you connect with that, when you ask yourself the question, what does it look like to treat others with dignity? What does that mean? What does that look like in the workplace when you think about treating yourself with dignity? What does that look like? It starts to open up a different way of thinking and a different way of finding a path forward that can still really, you know, kind of honor the variety that you'll find in the workforce.
Like one of the things that can sometimes come as a shock is to realize, oh, not everyone is like me. You know, if I only managed people who were like me, it would be so easy because I wouldn't have to explain things. They would just understand. And we'd just get along and I'd know how to motivate them. And realizing, you know what, all of these people that I work with, we're all a little bit different. There are some, you know, perhaps core values that might be the same.
But you know what? The way that we like to work might vary the way that we are motivated. That might change quite a lot from person to person depending on where they are in their life stage and what's happening in
their life outside of work. And so realizing that when you are a manager, you're now working with a variety of people, a variety of personalities and priorities and learning how to be effective at getting people to work together and helping the ones who are perhaps, you know, kind of drifting off and the performance is not where it needs to be. Working with the ones who are really high performers and maybe they're itchy for the next opportunity.
Learning how to work with all of this variety, all of these different people, becomes something like that. It becomes very prominent in your field of view. This is also why so much of the work that you Start learning to do and so many of the skills that you start to very specifically develop and hone fall under that umbrella category of soft skills, of relational skills, of things like communication and executive presence and influence.
All of these qualities and skills that are necessary when we are creating effective working relationships with lots of other people and I will add, under often less than ideal conditions. So that means that there will be things that happen that are not how you'd like things to be. Maybe it's about the available budget, the available timeline or other things that are happening in the world, in people's individual worlds, in their personal lives, but also
in the bigger, wider world. There will always be things happening that you know you hadn't planned for, and yet you still have to figure out how to find a way to effectively manage and lead these people. It's not always easy, so don't be too hard on yourself. You know, like nobody just wakes up knowing how to do this. Everyone is learning as they're going and with a few different tools.
And I think, you know, some support and that mindset of being ready to learn and implement some of these new ideas, that is exactly what will help you along the way. So be gentle with yourself and maybe take some of these questions with you as you go through the week. What would it look like to acknowledge or to have in mind the dignity of others, even the dignity of yourself?
How would you treat others? How would you treat yourself if you were recognizing and honoring that inherent dignity? What are the situations that make it feel difficult to do so? Or what are the situations or circumstances where you feel like, oof, that hurts. That feels like a violation of my dignity as a person. Get curious about what some of
those things are. It may help you as you're making decisions as new things start to unfold and you have to navigate through the next stages of uncertainty. So those are the thoughts I wanted to leave you with today. If you want to learn more than make sure that you sign up to my next cohort. My next class will be coming in I think March, but to find out for sure what the dates of that will be, then make sure that you sign up to get updates on that.
You'll find a link to that in the show notes or go to my website, kimnickel.com, and in the new managers section you'll see a link to all of the course information there. If you want one-on-one coaching, you just want to work with me privately on your specific goals and challenges, then we can talk about that too. You can find a link in the show notes to book a discovery call, or just go to my website and you'll find a link to schedule time for us to talk there.
All right, it's not easy being a human, so give yourself good credit for the good work that you've done and have a little bit of grace for the things that feel hard. I hope you have a really great week. Thank you for listening and I will talk to you next time. When you're more effective at work, you're happier in your life, and when you're happier in your life, you're more effective at work. I can help. Go to my website, kimnickel.com and sign up for a coaching consult. It can get better.