Welcome to the new Manager podcast. I'm your host, Kim Nickel. Hello and welcome. I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well.
Communication skills are one of my favorite things to coach and teach on because when you develop these skills, when you learn how to be more effective in the way that you communicate, not only are you able to get things done more easily and save more time and save more energy in your work life, but you will also start using the skills in your personal relationships as well and creating better relationships as a result.
If you think about it, so much of the way that we create relationships and do our work is through the way that we communicate. It's how people feel appreciated. It's how we build trust or how we erode trust. It's how we convey what needs to be worked on, what is important, where we people should put their
attention. And so communication skills, you know, as a, as a topic, there's lots of nuance, lots of different aspects to it. And it's so worthwhile to understand for yourself, where are your strengths and what skills do you want to develop and improve upon because it has such a practical application in life and at work every day, and especially as you're moving into higher levels of leadership and management and you know, in your working career life.
So today I want to talk about over explaining why we do that and what to do instead, how to think of it differently. And I'll actually start with sort of the what to do instead. And because it might feel kind of edgy, especially if you're a person who thinks I don't over explain, I give the exact right amount of information. Very often when we're the one communicating, we don't feel like we're over explaining. We feel like we're doing a very thorough, a very thorough job.
But if the person on the receiving side of that communication, whether it is an e-mail, a direct message, a presentation, just a conversation, if that person is feeling overwhelmed, confused, shut down, lost, it's possible that what feels like an appropriate amount of thoroughness for you is actually being experienced as over explaining, giving too much, and this person isn't quite sure what to do with it. So rather than giving information in a chronological way, for example, or giving it
in a completely comprehensive way, I want you to take a step back and consider what is the goal here? Are we trying to connect? Am I trying to, you know, make a request? Am I trying to change someone's behavior? Maybe I'm wanting to give them a recommendation so that then they behave in the direction of that recommendation. Or maybe I am giving them information or direction that then I want them to follow
exactly. When you have first that that question answered in your own mind, what am I trying to get them to do? Or what is it that we're talking about? You can then start there. Say the main thing first and then prioritize the information that follows it. Decide what is important to back up that topic and realize you don't have to say everything, but instead you can say you know. Here's my recommendation. I'll walk you through the
outline of my process. If you need the supporting data or want to understand more about how we got to that conclusion, please let me know. I'm happy to answer questions or offer you that context separately. When you do that, it helps to Telegraph quickly. Where are we going? It's almost like giving someone a chapter title in a book because it gives them just a little bit of an indicator of like where where are we going
here? And then all of the information is connecting back to that main topic area. So they have a a bit of orientation around the information. They know what to filter, they know what to give more weight to, and it helps them to be more prepared and organized to hear you. And then it makes you appear more organized, more together, more prepared. And because when you present it that way, it will also help you to come across as a bit more
assertive and a bit more direct. And you can do all of this with a lot of warmth, with a lot of rapport and connection and kindness. Often I think we mistake being direct with being unkind or being abrupt, and it doesn't need to be that way. It can simply be from this very, you know, warm and kind place. All right, so here's our topic today and I'll walk you through this. And then if there are questions or we need to get more of the information, I'm happy to provide that.
So why do people not do that? And when I say people, I mean myself included. This is also something I had to learn and discover. It was effective. There are four reasons that I thought about that I wanted to share with you because my guess is that they'll either be something that you have done yourself or something that you've observed others. And part of being a manager, you can think of it too as how can you help your team communicate with you in the most effective way.
So with the episode today in the framework that we're sharing, it might be something that you both remember for yourself, you know, to lead with the main topic and then offer supporting context. You can also share that with your team. You can say, OK, you know, when we have this meeting, I'd like you to start with the main topic so I know where we're going, and then you can give me the relevant information behind it.
So you can also make that request in terms of how you work together and see what happens, see if it makes things easier for everyone when they have that approach in mind. So why don't we not do that? Why do we tend to over explain if we're not paying attention to it? Number one, I found is that there's a desire to be comprehensive, especially when you're a very hard worker, when you have a lot of care in the work you do, you might understandably want to be very thorough.
And from the idea of being thorough and comprehensive, you end up providing an overwhelming amount of information, back story, context. And the person who's receiving that gets a little bit lost. They're not sure what they need to focus on. They're not sure how all the things will fit together and what is most relevant. So watch out for that, especially if you're giving
feedback. This is something I've ever spoken to in prior episodes, but sometimes when people become managers and now they're giving feedback, they think I'm going to do a really good job. I'm going to give, you know, 25 different things that I've noticed that they can change and they're trying to be helpful, right? I want to be really comprehensive and really transparent. I'm going to find all the things that I think you could do better.
But on the other side, the person receiving that might feel overwhelmed. They don't know which one to focus on 1st. They feel discouraged, like, oh, I can't do anything right. They're always nitpicking and finding things that I'm doing wrong. Even if you're approaching it with the best of intentions, the effect on the person receiving it might not match up with what you think the effect or the impact is going to be.
So be mindful if your default setting is the value of being thorough and comprehensive, be mindful that that may not be the thing you want to lead with or the driving force by which you organize. The way that you communicate #2 building your case. So we can get over explaining if we feel that we need to build our case before we get to the
point. It's like we give all of the reasons, all of the back story we're trying to create and like a watertight ironclad basis for the thing we're going to say next. And this I found really shows up if you are someone who is not used to getting the benefit of
the doubt. If you are someone who has experienced getting lots of challenges, especially if they seem kind of petty or unevenly distributed, you know, if you're a person and you say, you know, my colleagues offer this kind of half baked idea and everyone is like, oh, that's a great idea. We love it, let's go with that. But when I present an idea, I feel like I'm being scrutinized at a higher level. I feel like the standard is different for me.
I feel like I really need to build my case and be much more upfront about expecting a challenge. That also can be why we can end up over explaining is if you've had that experience. And so again, you want to be mindful, you want to be aware of what is the habit or the practice that you have learned that you've developed. And if it's this feeling of I never get the benefit of the doubts I'm going to have to build my case.
You want to be cautious about over using that and you want to know when you have that tendency because there will be times when that is not the most effective strategy where you don't want to bury or lose that main point. You want to draw people's attention to that headline 1st and then decide how much you know, case building do you need to do. And that might vary depending on the context, depending on the audience, depending on the other circumstances around that
situation. Now, kind of related to this a little bit is if you are someone who feels very uncomfortable with any kind of confrontation or a sense of being assertive, this is where we kind of like warm up to the topic. And so, you know, in contrast to building your case where you're like, I need to make this really, really strong before I ask or, you know, make my request or may or share my perspective or recommendation before I, you know, before I get
there, I'm good. I just need to warm everything up so I don't come across as being too pushy. And this, too, is really an interesting thing because different people get different kinds of feedback about their communication. And this includes both across, you know, the gender spectrum, different cultural contexts. One person's style might be applauded as being very bold. And then the other person's style might be, you know, they might receive the feedback of, oh, you know, you're just,
you're too hard. You need to kind of soften it. And so we're always trying to understand and triangulate, like where are we based on the feedback that we get from others? We're always trying to find how we can be effective in different communication contexts.
And so if you are a person who has become very uncomfortable around being perceived as confrontational or assertive, if that feels uncomfortable being direct, then you might put all of the information up front and then at the very end, make your request or provide the main point or the main thing that you want the person to do. And it's from this sense of being deferential, a sense of needing to kind of warm up to a
thing before you name the thing. And again, you know, we want to be mindful of what is the bigger picture context because there are situations, especially in when we're thinking about a multicultural workplace, we're being direct. Depending on how and when we do that, it can register differently. It can be interpreted
differently. So we want to remember, you know, big picture, what is the environment and the professional cultural context in which you're working And know for yourself, there will be times when you might think, gosh, this feels like I'm being too bold or too direct. But remember, we're doing this in service of the listener.
How can I make it easy for them? How can I organize this information so that they know where we're going and it will help us to get there faster if I name that main topic right at the start. So look for opportunities to practice that. And if you feel like warming up is your comfort zone, then we also want to practice expanding
your skills beyond that. And then lastly, if you are a person who tends to be a very lateral thinker, a very associative thinker, if you're a verbal person and you actually organize your thinking on the fly by talking it through or by writing it through, then you may have a tendency to over explain things because the you know, the the way that you are communicating is actually for you because that's how you are
organizing your thoughts. And the tricky thing too, with being a lateral thinker, an associative thinker, is that it can be easy to get lost in the forest of all of the things that are connected. If you're like a very systems level thinker, a very relational thinker, if you understand how all these things connect, it can be easy to drift into a place where you're now over explaining and, and because it's not in service of what is that desired outcome?
What is the goal? What is it that you want the person receiving this communication to do with this communication? What are you creating or wanting to be different as a result of this presentation, conversation, e-mail? You know, when we lose sight of that which can happen, Ask me how I know. This is one of the things that for me too, I've struggled with.
I've had to learn when I'm communicating, it helps to have a specific process where I'm able to organize my thoughts in a draft or talk it through some place or with someone. And that will then help me to be more organized when I'm then presenting or giving that information to whoever the intended audience is. So the more that you also understand about yourself is what this last one is also
really about. If you have a mind that just works in a really expansive way where you can connect all the dots and you might assume that other people are able to follow you and they see the same thing. Remember that we all see things differently and our brains all process and work and are organized a little bit differently.
So coming back to, you know, if our objective is to have this effective and efficient communication, it's worth it to take some time to think about it, reflect on it, organize it before you, then send it out to that other person. All of this means that it will be helpful to consider who is your audience? What is the goal that you have with this communication? What is it that you're trying to do in this conversation or presentation or or messaging?
Because when you choose to be very intentional in this way, when you choose to say that main point up front and then offer whatever is the prioritization of information beneath that you are helping your listener to focus and manage their attention. And that is actually a very valuable skill to be able to help manage where someone's
attention is going. It's almost like you're kind of designing this experience so that when they receive the information, it will enable them to do something with it, or it'll enable something to happen in this relationship in a way that makes things easier. So think about it in terms of how are you managing their attention? What is it that you would like them to focus on? What is it that you would like them to do, or what is it that
you want to have happen next? Consider that first because it will help you to organize your thoughts, organize what you want to say, and then help you to say it in the most effective way. I truly believe that the communication conundrums that we encounter in the workplace, especially when they arise from being fast, I often feel like we have this illusion that fast communication is good communication. Like if I respond quickly, things will happen faster.
But what I often see is that we can escalate and entangle problems through that fast communication. It's not just it's not just that things happen faster and better. It's like things can get more confusing and we can waste more time faster when our communication isn't being when we're when we're not being thoughtful and deliberate in the
way that we communicate. And you know, like with all skills, the more you practice it, the better it you become at it and the easier it is. So with today's episode, I want you to take a moment to notice which of these different aspects that we talked about really stands out to you and where do you want to apply that in the coming week? Is there a meeting coming up that you can plan in this way? Is there a specific relationship you have with someone at work?
And you think, Oh my gosh, every time we meet, they go on and on and on and I never know what the point is. Is there an opportunity for you to get ahead of that and say, hey, before we start, I'm just curious to know what, what will be the main point that you want me to focus on today? OK, great. Now go right.
Like how can you influence the shape of the communication and the conversation in the presentation using some of these concepts to make things better, not just for you, but also for your team and all the folks you work with? So that's what I wanted to share with you today. Thank you so much for listening. If you like this episode, leave a review, please leave a comment. It would mean the world. I always love hearing how people are taking this information and using it.
And you can always find me also on a LinkedIn and let me know there. All right, thanks for listening. Have a great week and I will talk to you later. When you're more effective at work, you're happier in your life, and when you're happier in your life, you're more effective at work. I can help. Go to my website, kimnickel.com and sign up for a coaching consult. It can get better.