Welcome to the New Manager Podcast. I'm your host, Kim Nichol. Hello and welcome. I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well. Today I want to talk with you about managing time by managing expectations and time management is something I've talked with you about before. A few months ago in episode 128, I offered you 5 different lenses through which you could work on time management. And I talked about managing energy, managing your attention, managing emotions.
I talked about decision making and how that plays into the way you manage your time, and I also talked about communication. But today I have something a little bit different. And the reason I wanted to take this entire episode to talk about managing expectations is that I think sometimes you don't realize how much that goes in to how you feel about your time. Specifically, there are two directions for this. One is the way that you manage expectations with others.
So identifying you know what is the expectation exactly about when something is to be done and what will be required and what is, you know, what does the timeline look like? Like setting clarity around what those expectations are. And there's often what I've noticed a subtle expectation that you will hold that someone else is supposed to do this for you. And a lot of times it's very subconscious. We don't even realize.
But the way you'll know that this is in play for you is if you start to feel resentful about the work that other people are giving you. So if you're thinking, can't they tell that I'm already overloaded or that my team is already at capacity? If you're thinking, can't they see that we're already full? Don't they know? Like why are they coming to me with this now?
Like, don't they know? So if if you are holding an expectation that somebody else and it might be your manager, it might be like 2 levels up. It might be a cross functional partner. So there might be a a work relationship where you work with somebody and on their team like their work and your work are connected.
And if you start to feel this sense of resentment coming up, like they should know that we don't have room or they should know I'm already busy, that's a sign that you are expecting that other person to manage your time, to manage what you do and when you do it and what you say yes to. Oh, the other time, My clients often see this is around scheduling meetings. So if you feel like they should not be asking me to come to more meetings, they should know that
I'm already full. OK, That is about expecting other people to manage your time. Because what's in your control is whether you say yes to attend a meeting. What's in your control is whether you decide to go or send somebody else or request instead. Hey, I can't make it. Send me, you know, an overview of what the key points are or what's in your hands is to say. I don't think I can make this because I have some other things I have to get out.
Can you let me know in advance what will the agenda be and what specifically will you need from me in being a part of this meeting? And maybe you don't attend for the whole thing, that maybe you attend for part of it. So there's actually a lot more in your hands than you realize. But you'll know if you're starting to feel a sense of resentment. Like can't they tell I'm busy? Don't they know we're at capacity or fall?
Then what that really signals is your expectation that they are supposed to make decisions for you about what you're doing. And that is going to always be a frustrating place to be because other people are not thinking about you in that way, even if
it's your manager, right? Like my philosophy when I was managing was OK, I, you know I will be in an active conversation with my team and I will trust you to have a conversation and to be honest with me and let's we'll negotiate if we need to around what's happening and when. So don't assume that someone else is keeping a watchful eye over how much you're doing and what capacity you have and making really thoughtful decisions about what they
assigned to you. But if you think that's what should be happening, if you're holding that expectation, then that's going to lead to a path of feeling overwhelmed and overworked, rather bent out of shape and resentful, which is not a fun way to be. And it's really exhausting. So that's one right being aware of the expectations that you're
holding for others. The other piece of this is being aware of the expectations that you're holding for yourself, and if you have any bit of overachiever or perfectionist in you. There is a high likelihood that you will have this tendency. And the way that this sounds in your mind will sound something like I should be able to get this done. It shouldn't take this much time. I should be able to do this and it turns into putting a lot of pressure on yourself.
And it might either be the situation where it's like your eyes are bigger than your stomach, you simply misjudge and miscalculate the amount of time and energy a thing will require. Or it is simply the kind of thing where maybe the individual task itself is not a big deal, but because you have committed to 20 of them already, then that additional, you know, one more is is beyond an incremental addition. It actually is like, yeah, no, there's there's actually no more
room in this car. Like we can't, we can't, we cannot squeeze one more thing in. So if you have a tendency to want to say yes, to kind of forget, what are the other existing commitments you have, If you have a reluctance or an aversion to letting people down, Like if you're thinking, if I say no to this, I'll be letting someone down, you know, sometimes what we'll do is we'll say yes to things thinking, I can just suck it up, I'll just work extra this week, but it can add up.
We actually want to build up the skill of becoming more aware. Like, what is the actual expectation you're holding for yourself, and how does that match with what is actually happening right now? Because sometimes, you know, like, we're human, so we're smart, but we're human, so we're forgetful, and sometimes we forget what is required when we make commitments to other things.
The other reason why it's important to consider the expectations that you hold for yourself is if you have a feeling that you're not doing enough, and you'll know that you're thinking I'm not doing enough because you'll feel inadequate. You'll feel like you need to prove yourself. You'll have this sort of vague sense of unease, like you have to always be doing more. Because on the inside you have this sense of I'm not doing enough, I should be doing more. That is an internal expectation
that you have. And when that is activated, what we want to do is actually slow down and get really curious and ask well based on what like what would you consider to be enough? How do we define and identify what that sufficiency is? Because it might be that you simply have this untested and unquestioned feeling of always being behind or never never doing enough, but you never have defined it.
So it always feels like you know you're you're never there, you're you're always, you're always lagging. When actually, if we identify, OK, what do you define as enough? You might realize I've actually hit that and it still feels bad because I want to do more. But we can recalibrate and get a better perspective on where you're actually AT. And then we can adjust the expectations and realize, OK, what do we do with the additional work or the additional, you know,
aspiration, right? Like you might have an aspiration to accomplish, you know, something very vast. But if you consider your actual energy and your other commitments and the quality of your attention, you know, and the other priorities going on, there may be some decisions that we need to make around timing or around resources or around asking for external support or help or delegating.
So I think the question around time management is so fascinating because it's rarely about simply making decisions about time and not having enough. There are so many different angles that we can look at depending on what your specific situation is, right? But looking at what are the expectations and how are you managing those both in terms of the expectations you have for others that you work with and the expectations that you have with yourself. I think this is really
important. Typically when I see you know teaching about setting expectations and managing expectations, it's usually around how we communicate in our agreements with others. Like the expectation is we can do this by this time and if that changes then I will let you know or sometimes it's presented as you want to over deliver and
under promise. So you might say, Oh yeah, we can get that done in about 10 days knowing internally that you'll be able to probably hit that in about 5, but you want to build in a little bit of buffer just in case something goes a little bit sideways. So that's one version of managing expectations, which is kind of what are what are we in agreement around and what can we agree upon with respect to timeline and deliverables and you know like how, how and when
things will work. But I think this other angle is so important as well, because it's one that will activate the emotions that will either drain you and create a lot of exhaustion and worry and anxiety and that persistent kind of self doubt. Or once you gain some awareness around them and start to question them and look at them
in a slightly different way. It's the kind of perspective that when you shift can bring you so much more ease, so much more Peace of Mind and a great deal more feeling of confidence. A sense of, yeah, of course they're not supposed to know what my capacity is. You know, Of course there will always be more requests than I can individually handle. You know, like that's that's fine because I know that it's my job to manage my time and not somebody else's.
Like that feels so much better when we stop expecting somebody else to see us and understand and then adjust. It's so much easier when we know we can just say, oh, let me update you on what my current capacity and availability is. We need to adjust some of that external expectation between the two of us when you know that of course they may not do that unless you speak up about it, right?
Like, don't expect someone else to know how to do that for you and for yourself to realize, is there some place where you are holding such a standard of yourself that it's creating unnecessary pressure and overwhelm and stress? Is it the kind of thing where, because of the expectation that you have for yourself, are you not delegating? Are you not making decisions about boundaries around your time because you're afraid of not doing enough or you're worried about letting people down?
Like, is that this kind of internal standard or expectation that you're holding? Because once you see it and can understand like, oh, that's what's going on, then it becomes much easier to address it. And again, this is the kind of shift where once you see it in this new light, it makes so many things so much easier because then you're actually solving for the real problem, which is, you know, what we're saying yes to how we're feeling about ourselves.
You know, is there clarity about what enough is supposed to look like? Like, it just makes things a lot easier. And then the vague sense of dread starts to dissipate because we can kind of get more of a clear handle on what it is that we're working on. So you really want to watch out for that internal conversation? That sounds like I should I should be able to do this. This shouldn't be such a big deal, right? Like, why am I having such a hard time?
I should be further along. Those are the kinds of questions we want to get curious about and it's a lot of the work I do with my clients because it can be really subtle sometimes. It's hard to see it when you're in it, but by talking it through and you know, putting words around it, getting it out of your head, it becomes a lot easier to see.
So as we're moving into the end of the year, schedules might get a little bit hectic both because of holiday things and travel things and weather things and you know end of year business things. So it will be important that you are managing your time effectively like managing your time in a way that really works for you.
And one way you can do that is by managing these expectations, becoming aware of what are the expectations that you're holding for others in terms of thinking whether they should or should not be asking for your contribution or for your support. And then what are the expectations that you are holding for yourself. Be really mindful if that perfectionism starts to take control, because that is a really tough way to be and it
doesn't have to be that hard. There are other ways to approach work that don't require creating all this extra pressure for yourself. That's a lot of the work that I do also with my clients, so that is what I wanted to share with
you today. Thank you so much for listening and I will invite you to book a consult with me, learn more about how I can help you one-on-one in becoming more confident and feeling more calm and at ease in the work that you're doing and in the direction that your career is going. And if you want to know about my upcoming group program, be sure you get on my e-mail list.
You'll find the link to both of those in the notes below, a link to book a consultation, and also a link to make sure that you get on to my e-mail list. Thank you so much for listening. Have a great week and I will talk to you next time. When you're more effective at work, you're happier in your life. And when you're happier in your life, more effective at work. I can help. Go to my website, kimnickel.com and sign up for a coaching consult. It can get better.