Welcome to the new manager podcast. I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello and welcome. I'm glad you're here. And I hope you're doing well. Today's topic decision-making discretion and influence. And all of this has been very top of mind for me, because of an interesting experience, I had the other day, I was on my way home and I wanted to stop at this restaurant in my neighborhood to pick up some food, too. Go, I hadn't placed an order. My plan was I'll just stop in
order. My food, get it and leave, but I didn't actually check the hours that they closed and apparently they closed at 8:00 p.m. and I got there around 810, I think they were just, they were closing the door. There were still people inside, you know, finishing their food, but I walked in just as the person was closing the door.
And as I walked in, he kind of looked at me and I kind of looked at him and we bought we both looked kind of confused like what is happening right now and they're walking up to the counter. And finally, he says, are you here to pick something up? And I say well yes, but I have to order it first because I didn't realize that this man was actually trying to close the restaurant and he says, Go.
But we're closed and I said, oh no, you are really and he says, yes and I'm still looking at him because my brain had not really caught up. You know, I kind of had this plan, I'm going to order, you know, my favorite food and I'm going to go home and eat it and I you know my brain just kind of got stuck in that moment of oh but no I was I was planning to
get something here. So he's looking at me, I'm looking at him and at this point, now there are a couple Other staff members looking at us. And so the guy says, well what did you want to get? And I say a chicken rice bowl, would it be possible to get a chicken rice bowl and he looks over at his colleagues and they have you know, the kind of confer for a moment and then I see them nodding and he turns back to me it's like okay we can do that. I said really oh my gosh, thank
you so much. So I order my chicken rice bowl. And, you know, they bring it to me a few minutes later and I get it and I leave and I'm feeling so grateful. And there are a couple of things that happened in that moment that I feel beautifully illustrate, these three concepts of decision-making, discretion and influence. So decision-making in that moment, someone had made a decision, not at the level of the team that was running the restaurant. But Someone else had made the
decision that we close at. 8:00, that was a decision that had been made. Now in that moment as they were closing, that person had the discretion meaning he had the power to decide in that moment. The power to choose what to do with this woman who walks in after their official closing hours, who is looking for. Or a chicken rice ball. He had this moment of discretion where he could choose. Do we just say, so sorry. Come back tomorrow.
Or, you know, I'm and I'm guessing that they were also thinking about how we packed everything up. What, where are we in our process of closing down the kitchen and cleaning things up, you know, maybe they don't have the ingredients and things ready anymore.
Maybe they put it all away. So he had a moment of discretion where even though the Vision had been made, we close at 8:00, there was still a measure of possibility, a measure of Grace, that they could choose to extend, to me, if they desire to and then in that moment, also I had this ability to influence
what happened next. So, part of it was simply making the ask I could have, you know, seen the door closing and read the hours on the little you know, on the sign at the front door and said oh it I'm too late. I could have just decided to go home. Had I noticed or when he first said? Oh sorry we're closed. I could have just said, oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize. Okay, thanks so much, I'll see you.
But in that moment I was able to influence a different outcome and I think of this a little bit like managing up this. Really had all of the formal power. I mean it was it was the restaurant, they were the staff, they were running it, but in that moment I was able to manage up a little bit. I was able to influence what happened, simply by the way that I asked simply by questioning, you know, not challenging not like, well, I'm here. You should. You should do this.
But simply kind of being available for an alternative thing. To happen, simply by kind of maintaining the sense of possibility. Is it possible to get a chicken rice bowl? You know? Okay, I understand that is closed and I'm wondering is this possible? And then with their discretion, they chose to offer me some Gray's and yes, to prepare this food for me. And there are so many instances in your work life where you want to be aware of these three things.
Sometimes you will be the decision. Girl and your job is to make a decision. It is very important that you understand how you make decisions. A lot of us, initially, make decisions on kind of a reflexive or reactive mode. Meaning we make decisions based on what we think other people will feel. We try to make decisions to manage other people's emotions in advance. We make decisions because we are Afraid of conflict. Or we are afraid of letting people down.
We make decisions because there's a fear of being wrong, or of messing up. And sometimes the way I see this, for example, if someone will think will say, oh, I make decisions based on, you know, lots of research. But what that turns into is? It turns into spending way more time than you need to, in doing the research.
Research can be quite infinite if you don't set a boundary and kind of a hard stop, When you'll make that decision, you can be researching things for forever, because there's always more to discover. And what it really is. It's almost like a fear of committing to a choice because then you will feel a little more out of control like you won't be able to ensure that outcome that you want.
And what you're really trying to do is you're trying to manage uncertainty through excessive research, but there's always a trade-off in terms. Of extending that decision. And in terms of the time it will take to then get to the next step. Also, sometimes people will say, oh, I'm just very data-driven so they'll make a decision based on data, but completely ignore the human component so they'll Overlook the emotional part. It's interesting.
It can go either way, right? We either over focus on the emotion and their decision-making or we Can disregard it or just not be aware of it at all. And sometimes we make decisions like our process for making decisions is all about avoiding confrontation, which is another side of I think people-pleasing is yes. Like we have this desire that people feel good about the decisions we make, but the other side of that is if you fear a confrontation will happen based on the decision you make.
And just as one example I had this experience once where I was in a program and the woman who was running the program was deciding, when to host our call the group call and being, you know, she's a very consensus-driven person. She wanted to take everyone's schedule and needs into account and for me, the thing that was so frustrating was I just wanted
her to make a decision. Just tell us when it's going to be and she was so committed to Is that the decision-making process when around and around and around?
Because, of course, it is going to be difficult to find the one time of day in the week, when you've got people in different time zones, the one time that will accommodate everybody and for my part, it would have been so much easier and often what we look to our leaders and our managers to do is, please make a clear decision so that we can all then move forward. So you want to know Sort of what is your decision making process. What is the default? And you also want to go a little
deeper and say, what's behind? That is my desire for doing a lot of research is that really being driven by a fear of being perceived as wrong? Or am I really worried about other people's emotions? You know, I like my initial thought is oh, I like to be very consensus-driven but what's behind? That is it Fear of how other people will respond emotionally. Is it because there's a fear of potential conflict or just feeling bad that somebody will
be disappointed. You want to understand how that works for you especially as you rise in your career because you will have more decisions to make often with higher levels of uncertainty and imperfect information. So getting Being comfortable with that, the other thing. So around discretion is that sometimes, when you're managing people, you will not necessarily be the person who makes the high-level decision, but it will be yours to implement, or to
communicate. And that is where you have discretion in. How do you want to implement this decision? How do you want to communicate this decision? And I'm thinking specifically now about layoffs. So it might come to Is that someone in a higher level of leadership, has made a decision to lay off someone on your team or multiple people on your team
that was not your decision. It was a decision that someone else made and now your job is to communicate that and to, you know, kind of implement it. So now you have discretion around how you want to do that. And we've seized a lot of stories. I feel like right now about people who do it really poorly as well as people who do it.
Well, so an example of of poorly doing it might be just sending a bulk email to people or it might be something very depersonalized or something that is not focused on the effect that this will have on the other person, but just making it sound like a very kind of cold, impersonal business decision. You have the discretion to ask Yourself. How can I communicate this in a way that is compassionate?
That is Humane in a way that can help support this person as they transition out of this job into whatever they go. Next what you know, what is it within my discretion to make this as painless and supportive and helpful as possible? Notice it knowing that of course, nobody wants to get laid off unexpectedly. Sometimes that's a decision that somebody else makes in your organization, you still have that discretion that power to choose.
How will this go could go in a few different ways and then influence becoming aware of how much influence you have and how you want to use it. Because as you start thinking about this, you begin to understand. Oh, everyone else also has a certain measure of discretion in the way they do things and part of your work as a manager, and as a leader, is to use your influence, your ability to affect what happens next in an intentional way.
So, when I sing influence, I don't mean being coercive or, you know, like demanding or anything like that but it's more. I have this awareness of when we're in a relationship when we are in an ecosystem like in a shared relational ecosystem, then the way that you show up the way that you communicate the way that you respond to others. Absolutely will influence what happens next.
So for example, if someone comes to you and they have Have some really hard feedback for you, how you respond can influence. What happens next or if someone comes to you with a mistake, they say, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I made this mistake and I'm now, I'm now really worried.
I'm not sure what to do. What happens next, how you choose to respond will influence, kind of that relationship and what, and what happens, one of my favorite tools, or maybe, it's not even a tool, it's just a mindset, is that anytime Someone is coming with feedback or saying I've made a mistake. My favorite go-to response is. Thank you for telling me because my mindset is, I would rather have you tell me directly and quickly so that we can address it. If it's unsolicited feedback.
Sometimes if you feel kind of ambushed like you weren't expecting this feedback. It can feel a little confronting. But again, I would rather have someone tell me directly to my face. Ace then either talk about me behind my back or feel this lingering resentment that pops up in the form of passive aggressive behavior. That is much more challenging to address but if someone just comes and says hey I want to give you some feedback about X Y and Z. My first genuine response can be.
Thank you for telling me. I'm glad that you're being direct and then you can choose what you want to do with that. Because remember, not all feedback is. Of equal value you want to be intentional and selective about the feedback you take to heart and the feedback that you simply Let Go. By is someone else's opinion about how you should be. So, becoming aware of how does influence work around you? How much influence you have to affect the discretion, the choices of others?
And then also, you know, as I mentioned before being clear about about what are the decisions that are yours to make? And when a decision is not yours then, how does your discretion fit into that and maybe even how might you influence a decision maker? And sometimes that is, by the way that you communicate, the way that you share information the way that you share your perspective, there are so many different ways to think about it, so that is what I wanted. To share with you.
Oh, and one more thought. This is a note that I wanted to, for sure, mention to you, is that when you are thinking about, how to make a decision, or when you are thinking about what is within your discretion, you know, what is your power to choose within a certain space? I want to encourage you to also
consider an equitable lens. And by that, I mean for example if If you have a team that is dispersed across different time zones and you know that if you schedule any event online that everyone needs to come to you know that it will be a greater inconvenience for some folks than for others just because that's the math of global time zones and schedules be mindful and think about what is, you know, how? The idea of an equitable outcome influence your decision-making.
Meaning if you know, someone will have to accommodate and perhaps be more inconvenienced, who will those people be and why. And just being mindful that we don't fall into a pattern of some people always having to accommodate or adjust to others. This is also helpful in terms of Thinking about like just understanding your team as
humans. So for example if you have some people on your team who are parents of young children the way that they think about their availability might be different than if you have people on your team who are not parents or who are parents of adult children who are no longer in the home, the way they think about what they are available for, might be
different. And this is not to say that you need to do kind of these like invasive profiles of people's personal lives but it is helpful to think in terms of these are humans and we are multifaceted and we can be most effective when we also consider the Equitable lens realizing, how will this affect the different humans that are on this team as one? Also example.
So I'm currently Lee facilitating a series of group sessions on self-care for this group of entrepreneurs who are participating in This Global program. And because it is a global program. And people are all around the world. I am doing two sessions one in the morning Pacific and one at 11 p.m. at night. So, that is not ideal for me, however, in my, you know, discretion, Don't have the discretion. I did have the ability to say,
no, I'm not available for that. But what I thought about, in terms of making that decision was understanding, people will have to accommodate because I mean we're doing this globally. We've got people in every you know almost every major time zone around the world. So everyone will be flexing a little bit. And for my part, I really wanted to be able to offer a time that would be available for this one
group. Up of folks who are on a different side of the world to me and I thought, you know, I I mean I could not schedule it at 11 p.m. at night, but that would ask more of them. And in terms of equity and in terms of wanting to design an experience where I knew some of us are going to have to flex a little outside of our
convenience. I decided I'm willing to take that on like and also this is sustainable for me, this is not everyday, this is, you know, like Just a few specific days over the next two months and like, I am willing to do this.
I can do this. And so we had our first session, it was 11:00 at night, I want to say, I did pretty good for never being a person who is not often awake at that time, but I prepared and it was really satisfying to be able then to offer this to folks in a way that made it easier for them to attend. So, that is what I wanted to share, you know, and as you go through, Through your work this week, just have a little bit of awareness around you know, what are the decisions that are yours?
What it did is it decisions that happen above you that you then have discretion around implementing and then notice how influence Works, notice how you might influence, the way other people use their power of discretion or decision, making becomes really interesting and presents this whole other way of being Of at work. So, thank you so much for
listening. If you want to work with me a one-on-one, then book a consult in the show notes below and also, I will be offering another group program. So, to make sure that you hear about that, get on my mailing list. You can also find that in the show notes below. All right, thanks so much for listening. I'll talk to you next time. Hey, before you go if you like this podcast, leave a review. Tell me why you listen and what has helped you? Thanks so much. I'll see you next time.