Welcome to the new manager podcast. I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello and welcome. I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well. Today we are going to Dive Right In to the episode which is about when you're communicating specifically, when you are speaking to somebody, whether it's in person or whether it is on a video call, that is the communication I want to talk with you about today, and I want to draw this. Action between what you say and how you say it.
Because when we are communicating, it is not just in the words that we speak, but it is also the way that we speak them, meaning with your voice, it is about the energy and the tone, and the speed, and the volume of which you're speaking. It's also going to be about what your face looks like.
What your body looks like. Because Also conveying information based on what you are showing visually and I learned this really fun fact recently, which is that the speed of light is faster than the speed of sound. And one way to think about this is that we see things faster than we can hear and process them. And I learned this when I was, you know why?
Watching this YouTube video about music and the video person was explaining how that's one of the reasons why orchestras have a conductor, so that everyone can look at what the conductor is doing and use that as a visual cue for when they're supposed to play their part of music. Because if you only relied on what you could hear you, Be off because sound travels more slowly.
And if you're in a big room and depending on the Acoustics, it can be very imprecise to listen for when you're supposed to play your part. And so one of the roles of the conductor is to serve as this visual Communicator that everyone in the orchestra can look to to be in time with each
other and know. Know when you're supposed to do your part, I thought that was so interesting and this is also why you know, when you first see someone even before they've said anything, you're gathering information visually based on how that person is moving based on their expression and as humans were, so we're so tuned into being interested in what is
the emotional content of the? Person that I am about to engage with were immediately trying to find connection and understanding and this is often happening really fast and in the background so we're not always aware that it's happening. So then when we think about communicating and speaking to someone, we have the words that we say but that is such a small part of the overall communication package that we're
sending. You can also think about this in terms of how We use emojis, we use emojis to convey that additional emotional content. Whether it's a smiley face, or a laughing face, or an angry face or whatever, is that emoji that you send with that text message, that's going to convey a lot more information Beyond just the words. Let me give you one more example. So, I used to, when I was a I was going to say when I was a
kid, but I guess it was. I actually kind of like college and right out of college, but I was in theater and you know, in theater, you get your script and the script is the words but the words alone, don't tell the story and don't convey what's happening. That is the job of the actor, is to make the words, come alive to give him a sense of color and tone and meaning because there's a lot more that can be conveyed in. And how you say it?
Not just the what. So for example, let's say that there is a scene and a character says, I didn't steal her money, okay, that's the line. I didn't steal her money. Now, let's play with the tone and the emphasis and the different meaning that can come out of those. Same words, I didn't steal her money. I didn't steal her money. Oh, I didn't steal her money. I didn't steal her money. So you get a sense of how much you can shape the meaning that is conveyed even with the same
words. So once you understand that, what you say is different from how you say it and that you have a lot of influence in what is conveyed based on how you say it? The next Question becomes well then what do I do with that insight? And here's what I want you to think about the way that you say a thing, the, how of it is driven by two underlying forces, the feelings that you have and the mindset or the thoughts that
you're thinking. So, for example, if you are feeling worried because you are thinking, I don't I think they're gonna like what I have to say. Then the way that you speak the words are going to be carried with this combination of worried and I think you're not going to like what I'm going to say and it will come out very differently. Compared to if you are feeling trusting like I trust them to hear what I have to say.
And you were thinking, we are going to get through this, this may not be the best news, but we're going to get Through this I trust them you know we're like we're on the same side, the way that you're thinking and the way that you're feeling will shape the way that you convey those words and the place to start with this is you want to understand, how are you actually thinking and feeling about this situation, what are the thoughts that you have? What is the mindset that you're
currently in? And what are the emotions that you have? I'll share another example. If you're thinking this is a crisis and you're feeling panicked or anxious. Then the way that you communicate your words are going to be carried by the sense of anxiety and urgency and for you, it's also not going to feel good, you will be feeling the state of this is a crisis. I am anxious and worried and maybe a little panicked. And and it's so interesting because in Your physical human
self. You're going to have a reaction to that combination of mindset and emotions as well. And then the words that you say, come from that compared to, this is actually something I could, I could teach my clients on a fair amount is, can we look at the situation from?
It's slightly different mindset, can we look at it from a bit of a more neutral perspective and look at it from the lens of, okay, this is happening now We're just turning and we're facing it and we're just saying okay this is happening now and from that mindset, feeling a bit more grounded, feeling a bit more calm feeling a bit more capable of addressing the situation rather than kind of being in this reactive Panic State. Just turn it face it, this is
happening now and from that place, the communication and Ends up carrying more of that energy, less of the anxiety, and less of the panic and more of that grounded capable like. Okay, this is what's happening. Let's address it, let's move forward and what's neat about that is that you as a human will have a different experience of communicating that message from being a person who is experiencing a lot of Panic or stress. So, Communication is never just
one dimension. It's a very multi-dimensional thing that we do and I also just want to tell you you're already really good at this. You didn't have to go to school to learn about this. You learned how to do it intuitively as a human growing up in a world with other humans.
And all we're doing now is, we're shining a little bit more light on what's going on, kind of behind the scenes because Cuz if you understand it, and can sort of see how it's working in your own life and in your own situation, then it gives you a little more control and influence over how you want to deal with that. And it's the thing that can also get you out of, kind of the anxiety Loop or the worry Loop is to Simply slow down to notice.
Okay, what is the mindset that I'm in right now? What are the feelings I have right now? Sometimes two, if you're a, if you're like a very, I want to say, if you're a person who has big fast emotions, then we can always start with the emotions. Like, what are the emotions that you've got right now? Just doing a little inventory. And from there, we can start to investigate, okay? So then, what is the mindset? That is coming along for the
ride with that? And when you see that, then we get to discover and make choices about. How would you like? To take this action going forward, because often times when you're asking yourself, what do I do? Or you're asking yourself.
I know I need to do this but I'm really uncomfortable or I feel really worried about it. The place we can examine is the mindset and the emotions behind it because it may be that the words that you say, and the actions that you take, those might actually be the same that might not change.
But the place that you're coming from, is the place that changes when the mindset shifts, when the thoughts shift, when the emotions and the feelings shift a little bit, you can have a significant effect on how you are communicating. And I think sometimes we forget that completely and we just really dial in to the how, how do I say this?
How do I say this? Try to fine tune the words and we imagine the conversation in our heads over and over again, and we try to imagine better outcomes and different outcomes are like, how do I say this? How do I say this? You know, what do I need to say? And we get so caught up in the words that we forget, kind of the invisible stuff, the mindset, and the emotions that are behind the words and influencing that entire communication package.
So, that is what I wanted to share with you is just this little insight. And my hope is that during the course of the week you'll begin to notice a little bit of this distinction. What are the words and then what is the kind of invisible? You know the invisible rest of
the package what is that? Not just the what they're saying but how they're saying it begin to notice that around you so you can start to hone your skills of observation and then in your own situation, if there is a conversation that Are feeling worried about or you're not sure how to say a thing. You're not sure what you words to use.
You want to start to separate like what are the words and then what is the, you know, the mindset and the emotion and the tone with which you want to share those. So that is what I had to share with you today. We're going to actually take some of these teachings in a very specific Direction on On Tuesday I'm teaching a free class on the gentle. Know a lot of folks I work with have a hard time saying no for so many reasons so we'll talk
about that. I want you to feel more confident and more relaxed in saying no so that you know, you have better boundaries and you can say no when you need to and not make it feel so dire and so difficult. So sign up for that in the show notes would love to have you join that class live It is free and we're going to dive into that topic on Tuesday. And of course, if you want to work with me one-on-one, let's talk about it. Go into the show notes, find my calendar link and book a
consult, and let's discuss. Alright, that's it for me today. Thanks for listening. Have a wonderful rest of your week. Hey, before you go, if you like this podcast, Cast, leave a review. Tell me why you listen and what has helped you? Thanks so much. I'll see you next time.