Welcome to the new manager podcast. I'm your host, Kim nickel. Hello and welcome. I'm glad you're here and I hope you're doing well. If you are new to the show, my name is Kim nickel. I am a coach, I have been a manager. I have coached managers, I now work with folks, one-on-one and I have a program for managers and I have some exciting news. There will be a new cohort opening up for my group. Program to know more about that. Go to my website.
Kim nickel.com, go to the managers page, make sure you're on the email list because I will be sending out details for when we start and for, how to join very soon. And one of the ways I've been thinking about it as I've been teaching my current group. And just noticing what happens as I've been coaching folks for the last couple of years, is that in the course of your work, I think there is often so much happening that you're just trying to focus on what's right
in front of you. And something I hear from almost every single person I work with is it is hard to find the time to step back and take a big picture. Look at what's going on, what you're doing, what you want and where you're headed? And when we are stuck in the weeds and being overwhelmed because of everything that's happening in the moment. It's so easy to push off and to delay taking that moment to pause and reflect. And give yourself that strategic thinking space.
But the value of doing that is that's how we start to feel like you're more in control of what's going on and what you're doing. And sometimes I find it helpful to remember that, of course, there's a Going on, of course the to-do list will never feel like it's completely done. There will always be more things you could do always competing demands for your time and for your attention. And so the goal isn't to complete everything. The goal is to choose.
What are you going to work on and why and To trust yourself in making that decision. And sometimes when we're afraid of that, especially if you're afraid of making the wrong choice, then what I see is we just avoid making decisions at all and instead try to do everything but that, of course, becomes overwhelming. It becomes unsustainable creates a lot of second guessing a lot of self-doubting. That becomes very draining and it's really hard to get out.
That Loop because there's a lot of momentum that gets generated when that's how we are responding and reacting to our external environment. So learning how to feel more in control by taking a pause and taking a step back to look at what's going on to get a different perspective, really
helps a lot. And so with the program that I've designed, that's how I started to really think of it is It's a time each week for you to pause, kind of like if you've ever seen race cars, they can't just go around and around the track in order to race, effectively in to compete in this, you know, racetrack you have to pull over, you have to make a pit stop and you have to refuel get the tires changed. You have to have a support team to help you.
Tune up recalibrate. Refresh and then you get back on the road. It really is difficult to keep
going and never never stop. Those pit stops are critical to the success of the Endeavor. So I've been thinking more and more about the work I do and the way I see my clients make good use of it for a lot of them, it's that one time in the week when they know they can pause, slow down, catch your breath, get some Support take a different look at what you're facing and how you're dealing with it so that you can feel confident that the choices you're making and how you move
forward, you feel good about that, I had a conversation very recently with one of my clients and was just feeling so happy for because she said, you know, when I started being a manager, I was still worried about managing everybody that all my attention. Whole mind was filled with how
do I manage all these people. And I was doing it by wanting, by trying to be really supportive, wanted to be so supportive of everyone and what she realized was that she had not been direct with them, she was not being directive. She's like, oh my job is to not just be supportive but to give direction to help them. See go Go here, do this for these reasons and that awareness of, so right, when we're completely filled to the brim, trying to manage the tasks that
to dues that people. When we're so full of trying to manage things, then we're not really seeing the role for more than that. We're not taking time to think about how can I give my team Direction, how can I direct them? How can I be direct with them in a way that actually helps everyone to know what to do? And to know why until work well together. So, that's what's been top of mind for me that I wanted to
share with you. Is that feeling of being out of control feels overwhelming anxious. Like you have to play whack-a-mole and just always be aware of what's going on in handle. It in the moment, it can create a sense of Of self-doubt. Like, what am I doing? Am I doing this right? That feeling of being out of control, tends to not feel very
good. And when we are acting from that place of trying to be super reactive and handle everything that gets exhausting, and it's honestly not very sustainable where we start to feel more in control. Is when we start to think, okay? I know what to do. Even if that is, I know I need to pause and take a Back and
reevaluate. Sometimes, that's what we know what that we need to do. We start to feel more calm when we feel like we're in control, you start to feel more confident because you're like, okay, like I know what I need to do. I can find some control here. That's not all completely out of my hands. You start to have more direction for yourself. You start to think. Okay, I know the direction that I'm going with one of My clients, they also said, I don't know the path but I do know the
direction. I love that so much. I think that really describes so much of what the mindset shift is. We sometimes think I need to know the exact path in order to feel confident about what I'm doing. Actually. What if that's not true instead you want to know the direction. I know the direction, I'm headed, the vision I have, is this, the goal I have, is that the direction I'm going? Looks like this the precise path. I might create that as I go along, I don't need to know what
that is before I get started. When you have that clarity about the direction, you start to feel more in control a lot more calm and then you become more decisive because now it's less scary to make decisions. And when you stop Delaying making decisions. And when you feel more confident in the decisions that you make, that also feels like so much relief. So much of the fear of doing
things wrong, starts to go away. When you have that sense of internal control that sense of internal certainty that Of internal calm. So, a couple of things to think about one is notice when you start to feel like things are out of control, ask yourself, okay? So what is within my control and we really want to look at that and we really want to be honest, sometimes we tell ourselves, nothing is in my control. I'm supposed to be able to do all of these things. And really what's going on is
were simply afraid. To appear like we're failing at something. What might be going on is you're used to being good at things right away. And when you're not, you feel like you're not in control of anything and you take it really hard. And then you start to retreat that self-judgment starts to activate. So, take the time to slow down and ask, like, what's in my control, and really be honest here. So sometimes what's in your control is you can have a little more compassion for Yourself.
You can have a little more grace for yourself. Sometimes, what's in your control is the willingness to feel uncomfortable. Being direct giving your team direction or having a direct conversation with somebody. Sometimes, that's the thing in your control. Sometimes it's being okay, feeling uncomfortable because you know that's where your growth is and you know you would rather have the conversation. On and move on. Instead of ruminating about it for hours or days or dreading it
or wondering. Oh if I say this what if they say that we can burn a whole lot of energy and a whole lot of time in that mindset. So bringing yourself back to you, what is in my control being honest about what that is and that single shift in perspective. - can bring you so much relief. It's so much easier and so much peace of mind. The other thing I've been talking a lot with my clients about is the reminder that the goal is process. Not Perfection.
So, when you are a high achieving person, when you're a very hard-working, sometimes we think I can get it perfect the first time and we hold back and we actually don't have a conversation unless we I feel like we can do it perfectly or we put a lot of judgment on ourselves because we think all I need to do it perfectly. And what I want to remind you is that Perfection is not the goal. I would love for you to be more interested in process. What is the process that I'm
going through? I'd love for you to be more curious about progress. What is the progress? I am making and sometimes we don't even realize where we need to Learn until we encounter something difficult that then illuminates. Okay? This is something I don't feel good at yet. So this is now showing me. I'm going to have to learn to do this. And when we're managing people that can be anything from having a difficult conversation, to delegating to managing up, managing up, is such an
important skill. And we Sometimes just don't even think about it because we have this assumption. I shouldn't have to manage up. My manager should know how to manage me in the way that I want to be managed. And we forget that your manager is also a human. They probably also did not get a lot of guidance or training or they might have received guidance and training but in one specific way and maybe they didn't receive the kind of guy.
Sir, training to manage who you are as a person, or how the organization is working. Now, I certainly know that over the last couple of years with more and more organizations, going remote, or hybrid or dealing with the pandemic and all of the ways that that has affected the workplace. There are so many new things that managers are learning how to to do. How do we stay connected as a team when we are hybrid or when we are not all in the same place
and maybe we used to be before. So, many of the things that your manager might have learned, they might be needing to relearn. And when you assume that, it's their job to know, how to manage you. You give up that feeling of control. Again, it's like I have no control over my manager. Rather than thinking, okay, if I'm going to become better at managing up, what do I want to be paying attention to in my relationship with my manager?
I can assume best intent. Let's assume that they're trying to do a good job. But what is the thing that I can be doing? Or thinking about, in this relationship that will make it easier for us to work together and that will make it easier for my manager to support me? In the way that I need because I'm not going to assume that they know automatically how that looks or what or what that even looks like. So there's this whole perspective shift that starts to happen when we begin to ask
ourselves. This question about, where do you feel in control? Where do you not feel in control? And it's really hard to get that perspective. Unless you pause take a step back, Back and get a moment to look at the big picture and not simply be overwhelmed by all of the different things that are coming at you all of the time. So, that is what I wanted to share with you today, as you go into this week, notice where you start to feel out of control identify why, what's going on?
That's creating that feeling in you and start to get curious, where can you find a little hole? Of control control, not like micromanaging, either, trying to micromanage other people, or micro manage yourself. But instead, remembering. Okay, you are a person who has agency, you are a person who is intelligent and well-intentioned and you are good at figuring things out. So where can you find a measure of control to hold on to even if
it's the the simple thought? out of I know that I don't know what I'm doing because I haven't done this before, but that's not a problem because, you know, here are the resources, I have, here's what I am doing to learn here, the things that are going, well, you don't need to know everything in order to steal feel confident and like, you have a measure of control and agency and autonomy in your life, you know, I'll share one parting, thought on this sometimes, the thought that
creates the greatest Sense of ease and control. Is, I know that this is temporary, this is simply one chapter in my life. What do I want this chapter to be about? And sometimes that perspective shift is enough to let us relax. Take a breath and say oh right this isn't everything. This is one moment of my My Life, One Moment In the Journey of my career.
What is this going to be about? That alone can shift you from overwhelmed and whack a mole and, you know, don't know what to do is we just got to keep trying to do all the things into taking a moment to pause and reframe and reset your perspective. So, that is what I wanted to share with you today. I do want to invite you to come work with me. You can either work with me one-on-one, that's a very kind of luxurious experience.
You get all the attention. You get all of the time to talk about and we work together on what's going on or get ready for my group program. That's coming up. Go to my website to get on the email list, you'll hear all the details about that. That one is more luxurious in the sense of being in community with people who do not Not know you and being able to learn together with others.
So if that's the kind of connection or if that's what feels like it's missing, you know, being a manager can sometimes be a very isolating experience but that's more of what you want. Then the group program can be a really excellent choice for you. But either way, I am here to support you. You do not have to do this alone and come connect with me. We'll figure out what the best approach and best path is for you. Links are in the show notes. Thanks for listening and I will
see you next time. Hey before you go if you like this podcast please leave a review. Tell me why you listen and what has helped you? Thanks so much. I'll see you next time.