MFREE 093 Full Episode with Scott Stalker: What Every Veteran Should Know Before Transitioning

As you see, Scott is a distinguished leader, with over three decades of experience having served in various critical role in Cyberspace intelligence and special operation. He's here to share some insight on transitioning from the military. Most of the Marine Corps, a military service. To civilian life and prepare holistically including financial planning, family strategy so Scott, I want to welcome you today, brother.

transition and a lot going on it's hard to get these in, and I don't know, when you'll share this one, but it's obviously a little bit later at night right now when we're talking, and we do our best to get it in when we can. So thank you and thanks for all you're doing, for setting an exceptional example, of how you can succeed, both as a Marine and as a veteran as well. Thank you.

It's a bit simplistic, but that's why I love it because it pertains to everything and everyone. And it's from Jocko Wilnick, and it's in a pyramid, and he basically across the lines, he says, did good. Did bad

and at the bottom do better. So whatever you do have a drive to do better whether you did really good That's fine. You can do better if you did poorly do better. And so I love that one It's one that i've really reflected on a lot again. it's not going to go down as a stoic example, but it's pretty simplistic, and I like that one.

but yes, I got an opportunity, to serve our country 31 years, in the Marine Corps serving at Space Command at the National Security Agency in Cyberspace Command. All things I'm proud of. I say that I leased the rank Master Gunnery Sergeant. I gave it back when I retired. and now what I'm doing is I'm serving as a Senior Fellow for the National Defense University, which allows me to continue to give back. I'm on the board for the Wounded Warrior Project.

I'm on the board for the Marine Raider Foundation for the Naval Intelligence Professionals, which keeps me connected to my tribe. and then the things that I do for income, being a national security consultant for four companies and I'm working on my own book, and I'm doing a lot of keynotes speaking. So that's a lot I've got going on. No matter how successful you are.

It doesn't mean anything if you don't have your health and your family So whoever's listening and even to you my friend and i'm actually speaking to myself, too Make sure you prioritize your health and your family or none of it's going to matter

And of course, to be able to really enjoy that, to your point,

our health being the center of that, right? Because if we live to a hundred, if we live to 80, 90, And we become a burden that's not really living, right? So the life is motion. The more we keep moving, I think it will prolong our living. I know it's a great point and I appreciate you for bringing that. And that really that speaks to some of the things that I want to capture today. As we talk about transitioning from the military.

Into civilian life, especially from a holistic standpoint, Because I think a lot of us, we've, focused on how will we make money after retirement or how can we bridge the gap between our military pay and our retirement income, right? And I think the thought process and the planning has to go a lot deeper than that, right?

So I'm going to ask a series of questions today and I really hope we can get Some really good information to feed to our veterans so they can get an unfair advantage whenever it comes time for them to transition, or if they already transitioned can also give them some ninja tip as well. I love that. Yeah. So Scott, we're going to talk about, the transition from military to civilian life.

So Scott, transitioning from a structured environment of the military to civilian life can be challenging, right? I think we all can attest to that. Now, what are some of the key lessons that you have learned during your own transition? and what advice would you give to veteran navigating that shift as well?

You have a rank, your gunny, your first sergeant, your lieutenant, whatever. right I still recall, the first time I heard someone call me Scott. and I didn't pay attention. Not that I actually prefer people call me Scott, but for 14 years, I was a master gunny. And so I was so used to looking over my shoulder. And that was the only thing I heard, that you get used to it. So you're indoctrinated, structured environment.

and so on this side, especially when you're doing things like me and probably like you, you have to have individual discipline because, No one is going to tell you when to wake up. No one's going to tell you when to work harder to seal the deal to get the business contract anything like that It's all on you And if you're not willing to do that to build the relationships to pursue the knowledge and wisdom to understand the marketplace all of those things You're gonna lose out.

and i'm not driven by making money, but I want to make as much money as I can and the reasons why was you know, certainly I have a family to take care of my kids my wife but I also want to make a lot to live comfortably when I'm older. I want to be able to donate to the charities and churches of my choice. I want to be able to give back to veterans and hire veterans. So I'm driven to do that. And so individual discipline. Here's an example. I used to enjoy a nice cocktail.

Quite frankly, in my younger days, I probably drank more than I should have. Um, When I transitioned, I quit drinking. So I haven't had a drink in several hundred days now because I was able to do it so easily, I was able to have a cocktail at noon, an entire bottle of wine at one, like I could do all of that because there was no Marine Corps anymore. There was no uniform to worry about. I didn't matter. and if I just decided not to work hard, then I just wouldn't earn business that day.

and so I think, When you say structured on this side, what I hear is required self discipline or else you're going to struggle it doesn't mean you have to quit drinking you have to have some kind of schedule some kind of thing for you or whatever. the bags of chips after a little bit of time will take over and the alcohol will take over and the lack of PT, you've got to have some individual discipline, on this side because you don't have the first sergeant yelling at you.

You don't have your company commander telling you to climb the hill. It's all on you.

Some of the dark place could be their transition and trying to figure out, what will I do when I grow up and how would I provide good food for my table, how my family's stable, How will I pay for my kids college, With this reducing income and all these good things, right? So we would never do things until they become important to us. What was the, you did 31 years. At what point in that 31 years did the light bulb go off for you?

But look, when I retire, I'm going to have, I'm going to have a level of self discipline to be able to continue to create and also improve the lifestyle that I've created for my family.

And so as I look at them doing those things, their former chairmen, the former four stars, the Maxwell's and all these people, that have written books and spoke. I just say, I'm going to go do that. I'm going to operate at that level. And I'm not going to ever work for anyone ever again. I'm going to get out and I'm going to get a piece of my cheddar. And so I'm going after those things methodically with a long term plan.

and so far I'm a little bit ahead of my schedule and how I want to do that. And that's how I'm going after it. And I think what it takes is a mindset. if you've ever heard this story, Hutch, of the baby elephant that is born in a zoo and it has a chain around its arm. when it's a baby, it can't break that chain. It's not strong enough. And so it is, it grows with that chain around it.

And as it gets bigger, it remembers how it was as a baby and it's still chained, not knowing that it's strong enough to break free. but it's captured by what it was and a lot of our peers are captured by what they were as enlisted member or officers or whatever. this isn't about, us versus them enlisted versus officers. I love, a lot of our officers, really good people. I know I can compete at that level. And I'm no longer, I no longer have that Napoleonic rank structure sealing on me.

I can go as far as I, as my talents will allow. And so it wasn't a moment like you described, but it was realizing that I can play the game at the highest level as well. And now I'm going to go do that. and I don't have this enlisted rank structure, any rank structure. when people ask me now to come in as the former enlisted or to give an enlisted perspective, I let them know that I can't do that because that's what I was. It's not who I am today.

You have to break free of the mentality and you have to visualize excellence. You have to see yourself at that level succeeding in doing it. Before you go do it and that's just how I do it

Some people will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars, millions of dollars, and also years, tens of years gathering experience and putting that into a book and letting us know that, look, there is a greater version of yourself that you can grow to become. And all you have to do is make a decision to be that person. And once you make, what I've noticed is that once we make a decision to be that person, a life of mediocrity, this fizzle away, right? however, it's an everyday thing.

It's not you do this. Thing once and you're good forever. It's everyday life challenges every single day, sorry I like the way you put that to it man, because I think a lot of us We want to relive the glory days, but because of the experience and you have earned it, right? However, when you transition

to the civilian sector. All this stuff is left behind, right? To your point, you only borrowed it for 14 years. You give it back. so I like that point. And I think it's really good for our veterans to understand that we are no longer, a master gunner sergeant, a sergeant major, a colonel, right? We are now Mr. And we now get to embody our last of First and last name. And I think that's a good place to be in.

And so make a decision to be the greatest version of ourself So Scott, I want to dive into family a little bit. you yourself got, if I'm not mistaken, a young family.

And so we took five months off. I said, where do you want to live? anywhere you want to live. She picked the exact house, the exact state, the exact city. I was open to anything. I didn't want the West Coast and neither did she, but, had she taken, whatever we would have went there. So all in on that. and I think the most important thing is.

When you are in, the situation I'm in where you're busy and you're working, is taking time to sit down and communicate effectively, taking time like we're doing on Friday night to have your date night. make sure the babysitter shows up, like all those things. And it really is, communication. and making sure you're speaking to one another and okay, I'm doing this. What are you doing?

but we've had some things on the calendar that we were going to do together and the babysitter falls through and we try to make the best of it this is hard But what I always remind myself is in order to grow you have to go through stress It's the same thing with you want to get your 20 pull ups in the marine corps at some point you got to get one and then you got to struggle to get two and after you overcome that struggle Then you're at three It's that way in business, in life, in general, and

anything worth having is worth, fighting through. I think it's ultimately to answer your question is making sure you're having the conversation, what's in the best interest of your family and your family first. Because when you retire, the ultimate win is not necessarily the medal. As soon as I retired, I took all the medals in the attic. I'll never see them again. The ultimate win for me is that I finished with the team I started with. That's the ultimate win.

And so I was able to literally, my final official act in uniform was to walk down the red carpet as the United States Navy piped me and my family ashore. We finished together. I held their hands, held one of my youngest daughters, held my wife's arm, and we were piped ashore. And that was it for me. So that was victory, is finishing with the team that I started with.

So growing up, I knew that I wanted a family. However, I never knew that I could be married for 20 plus years. You know what I mean? because I didn't see that example growing up, so it's really important to me to be able to, to your point, finish with the team that I started with. So family, my wife, children, they are My biggest, why as to why I go to sleep late and wake up early, I sleep really fast and wake up early to be able to do things like these.

to your point, that's where that personal discipline comes in. And when you have people that is

dependent on you, and will continue to depend on you beyond this uniform. And you also have a commitment to ensure that you can continuously be deserving. Of being the husband and being the father, right? now I need to prioritize my sleep a lot more. It's starting to take a toll on me, brother.

We're carrying this burden, but it puts me in a mindset and position to where I don't have the luxury of being mediocre. I don't have the luxury of not taking action. I don't have the luxury of not being a good Marine, a good father, and a good husband, also a good son, so I'm really happy that you was able meet. The man.

of this incredible opportunity now that you have in America. To really exceed your dreams.

And how can our veterans use these skills to excel in a civilian career?

and they were all meat eating assassins. They were brilliant at their job. They were fit, everything. And so it wasn't hard to lead. If you want to be a great leader, look yourself in the mirror and say, send me to the worst organization out there. And I have so much confidence in my leadership ability and I will love those individuals so much. I will train them. I will empower them. I will value them. I will hold them accountable.

At the end of the day, that organization that's in the bottom 5%, with me there, is going to be the number one organization in the company. You can bank on it. And I challenge anyone to compete against me, because that's my mindset. Doesn't mean it's always

going to work out that way. Trust me, I've had my share of people that needed to stay in the brig a little bit longer. But it's same thing in business We're in business. Everyone that came here at some point wanted to do well, probably wanted to get the Christmas bonus and everything. Let's recommit. to why we're all here. Let's figure out all the noise on the outside and let's handle

that. now that I'm brought in, I'm a leader to this organization. I value all of you. Let's get after it. let's focus singularly on what our mission is. And at the end of the day, all that bonus money that's going to everyone else is coming to our team because we're going to be the best team there. And the point of that is it's not hyperbolic and it's not cheerleader. It's being a real leader.

That because you value your people and when your people are valued They will do anything for you They will run through brick buildings and i'm not talking about some of these things like, you know Making sure they have all you can eat candy and all this other ridiculous things but truly value them.

And they'll realize that, but I just have always thought if you really think you're a leader, why are you trying to go to the best organizations out there, go to the worst and change that culture that talks to me more about leadership than going to the simple places. I spent five years at 29 Palms. That's not easy. It's not a lot of people avoid in that place. And I understand why it's certainly not a family place. I got it.

Yeah, listen, I want your, I want you to have 25 years of marriage so I get that. But it's an opportunity to lead on okinawa now going to go to those places that no one else wants to be. And so I think it's just. All of those things that, that mindset, and true love of people translates over into business as well.

member of a winning team with an inspiring mission. And I think if us as leader can harness that or to help, The people that we're working with, whether it be in the military or in civilian sector to really understand how they fit into the grand scheme of things and helping them to understand that they are one of the most important person to do the things that they've been assigned to do. I think we will see a lot more progress, right? I'll give you a fun story.

I had this good friend of mine, Derek Bussum. We were in, we were in Iraq together. Um, Afghanistan. We went to Iraq. We transitioned our aircraft from Iraq to Afghanistan. And he is a guy, not abrasive. He's just, he is business. This guy's all business, right? And he was getting ready to leave, come back home, advanced party. And once he got back to KB, he was going to PCS with his family across the East coast.

So he was not going to be home whenever the main body get backs, So we've called him to a tent and I tried to get him to attend to look, man. Oh, we wanted to give him a present, but I didn't want to let him know that we gave him a going away gift. So this thing to talk to you, we need your expertise in something. He was like, man, this Marine Corps will be a better place. If everyone does do their fucking job.

Because of his knowledge about aircraft and our maintenance systems, he was able to train, equip, and also educate, every single Marine officers and enlisted alike, to make us successful, prior to combat and also in combat, in our aviation squadron, And we expressed to him how important he was to the team. And, for the first time, I see this man demonstrate emotion.

And that tells me that if a man of his caliber, can feel important by just having the team around him expressing that, imagine what that can do with someone who needs to feel as if they're part of a team, everyone wants to be a valid member of a winning team with an inspiring mission and that story, was a good example

for me to see that at work.

Because, you know you want to go where everyone knows your name, right? That mentality that you hear on the song for cheers, this idea that you're around like minded individuals that can express some stories and share stories and you can understand. What it's like to deploy. you talk about Iraq and Afghanistan. there will forever be a certain smell associated with my first deployment to Afghanistan. And if I smell that it instantly brings me back.

some memories, a certain amount of heat, all of these things and then time in Afghanistan, and all these other places. And so I think for veterans, it's important to stay in, with the VFW and your tribe. I do a lot with the Marines out here, Marine Raider Foundation, Wounded Warrior, you name it. but I think also, because you're going to find out who's struggling. and I had, this is no kidding what happened. probably three weeks ago, I was talking to a Marine that I served with.

I haven't heard within a long time. and he had just made a drive five hours up to take care of one of our teammates who was struggling with alcohol and suicidal ideations. today, literally, I got a call from the guy as he was released from the hospital. He's 50 days sober, and he's on the right path. to repairing a marriage and that sort of thing. That is not a story that gets out because he didn't, die by suicide. He didn't commit suicide. None of that happened.

But I called the guy that picked him up, one of my former gunnies and I said, you're a hero. What you did will never get recognition. You're not going to get a medal or anything that, but you saved a life and there's nothing more honorable than that. The second one is from a business perspective, right? Winners associating with winners, you know being able to associate with someone like you as a winner being able to share Stories of success.

How do you register as a service disabled veteran on small business or how do you get a job? Uh as a veteran like all of those things as well and robin fortner who is a retired sarp major someone I value a lot. she used to say and a lot of people say this now. I don't know if she was the first, but she would always say your net work is your net worth. and that's true. it's how you connect with others have found you opportunities. I never applied for an opportunity.

I had people reach out to me because I have this strong network. and so I think both from a business perspective and then the connection and the importance of us, staying connected as Marines and joint service members. is critical.

comparable to policing, right? Early education and early mentoring of a young man, a young woman, improves in our schools and in our household. I think the, some of the societal and cultural norms that we deal with, we'll be minimized, The same is true. same is true about the number of suicide ideation and people and that we see, especially our military.

So That lead me to our next topic about mental and emotional resilience during transition and also beyond, Scott, so transition from the military can be mentally and emotionally taxing on anyone, male or female, regardless of rank, how do you recommend, our soldiers or military folks or Marines or airmen, or, space force folks, how do you recommend they build resilience as they start to transition and also beyond their transition?

and I don't mean that from a perspective of, get a job. cause some people, if you retire after 30 years and you have a certain VA disability, especially if you're single, you make enough where you don't have to work ever again if you don't want to and I don't work because I necessarily need the money I work because I actually enjoy the grind and I like winning.

That's why I do it and I love these new challenges the money is what becomes after but I think You need to set some conditions and rules for yourself whether that's hey every morning I will be up five minutes before the sun rises And the reason I say that is because again, we've been institutionalized for so long you knew what to wear and when My schedule was built months in advance in my last several jobs So I knew in january what I was doing in september And who I was talking to And now it

doesn't have to be that way. So I think individual discipline is critical. I would suggest a personal audit on your alcohol and either eliminating it or strongly slowing it down. we got a sober November, sober October coming up. I challenge folks to consider, going the month of October without a drink. you're gonna be fine. Trust me, you're gonna come out, better. and I'm not the morality police here. So if you wanna have a drink, go ahead.

I'm not pushing that, but your question, I think is important there. and remind me again, Hutch, because I got on a tangent there. What was the second half of that?

but the other half wasn't, but you were told that because that's what people were trying to be kind and professional to you.

You need someone you know hutch you're into the real estate business, right and you are doing exceptionally well But probably somewhere in your life you have someone who's doing it a little bit better or has done it a little bit longer and they are going to say hey You may not want to invest here because of x y and z and you are only thinking of y and z But they got you thinking of X. The same thing in anything you're doing, whether it's sports, you want to be a teacher.

you want to surround yourself or have people in your life that are mentors that have done it before you and can tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear. So I think both of those things are critically important as you transition the individual self-discipline. And then having mentors and people that have done it before that can tell you what you need to hear. not just being nice to you and saying, wow, you look great all the time.

So I don't know if you have that in your life, but I have found that I need that.

And based on your effectiveness in implementing the information that you are, you have asked for or Are paid for, You definitely determine your success of, and also determine the amount of, pain that you grow through, however, there's so many things out there. I know you are average reader. You do a lot of book reviews. I don't do a lot of book reviews, but I'm an average reader myself. it came to the point, Scott, it was in 2015.

I want to say, when I was a gunnery sergeant getting ready to, looking towards master sergeant. And I realized that my, my aggressive approach towards a lot of things, my leadership and all the good stuff was not going to be required as a master sergeant and a master gunnery sergeant. Now, how do I change that?

Do I change the people around me to accept that version of a master sergeant, or do I make the necessary adjustment to myself The first personal development book that I read was The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey, and that thing changed my life drastically. So even though I grew up as a religious person, this one was, meant a lot more because it was not my mom telling me to go to church. It's now me looking for a better way of living.

Me being in a better way of showing up. And, Stephen Covey has a real good way of showing people how to be a principle centered person, and I really appreciate it so what got me to Gunnery Sergeant? Probably would not have gotten me to Master Gunnery Sergeant, even though it was an important part of the journey,

So whatever you're allowing to be absorbed in that sponge of yours is going to be what you put forward surrounding yourself with winners all these things and i'll be honest with You know when you ask me to be on your show the primary reason I wanted to be on your show is because you're a winner I want to be associated with people like you even though i'm not heavily into real estate certainly I bought my home here and that sort of thing I listen to what you offer but at the end of the day, I

just want winners in my tribe in my circle because that's going to make, that's going to, what did they say? Rising tide, tides lift all boats.

had to have in my circle, you've demonstrated some really good characters over the years and I've watched your journey, especially a lot of stuff you share on LinkedIn is definitely adding a lot of value to a lot of people. the fact that you choose to share the version of you and also as you improve that version of you with others, I think in my eyes, you are definitely a winner in my eyes as well. so I appreciate you, brother. Thank you. So Scott, we're going to go into the focus round.

This way I ask you five question. It's the acronym. It's a focus, right? I can in focus, so Scott, what do you do for fun? Golf Okay.

I remember all three of them like it was yesterday. They gave me a shot to continue on. and so that opportunity in 1993, where this private probably should have been kicked out and sent to the infantry or to cooks or wherever they were going to send someone who dropped That, in many ways, set the conditions for opportunities and later success going forward. I would say that one. There's been a lot, but that one, definitely.

And if I was born with a silver spoon and I had everything I wanted, I'm not so sure I'd be the person I am today. And so I attribute my success due to never ever being good enough. And so now for my entire life, everything. Is about drive. I don't suggest that as a parenting technique.

So when I was talking recently, a few years ago, and he mentioned that the father that he wasn't is probably directly, contributed greatly to the father that I became, Contribute to the father that I became, and that was really an eye opener for me and it made me, give a lot of gratitude for this but not as if we grew up together, right?

But in that moment, it was like a sign of relief for all the things I resented, I'm like, I'm really happy for that journey because now my children, my wife is the benefactor of me wanting to always be better. You know what I mean? yeah, so I totally understand what you're saying, brother.

can feel your energy and your DNA. And even If tomorrow the housing market exploded and it was, really in a bad situation You're always going to be successful because of your relentless pursuit of excellence no matter what you're you know if you're going to start a business selling ice cream that's quickly going to be successful because of You won't allow yourself to fail. yeah, I feel that as well.

And, yeah, let's connect. Even if you don't want to do business, you can connect with me on LinkedIn. and to your point, Hutch, everything I try to put out there is positive and value added. You're never going to get negativity. It's always going to be positive and congratulations. and that tip may not pertain to you at the time, but I try to help others as best I can. So thanks for having me on today, Hutch. I appreciate it.