Stop Touching My Stuff: A Humorous Look at Finding Order

So , thank you , thank you , thank you . It's only because of you , so keep listening . Follow me at dwanderful . com . You know , I took Dwan and Wonderful and made a

new word dwanderful . com , my website . Take the quiz , find out how much you know about real estate , and also Facebook , instagram , youtube , all the things Dwan-der-ful . So I have an awesome guest today . I'm really excited to talk to Miss Connie Graf . How are you today ? I'm very well .

something . Congratulations , and .

And it says , if you have a million , you're in the top five percent of all the podcasts . Yeah , then I was like , whoa , look at me . So I just googled that last night . I was like you know , is that a lot though ? Because you know there's all those really big people , you know famous people that have these .

You know millions of every , you know every show and but yeah , so , um , I found out that that's really a lot , so that made me even more excited about it . So , yeah , all right , so your turn, the title I had is from chaos to peace . So what we like to do , Conny , is we just throw our guests just straight to the wolves .

I want you to just give us , like in one or two sentences , what you do and how everybody can find you . Then I'm going to ask you some questions to find out how you got to do , what it is that you do .

So , like most people are surrounded by chaos me sometimes included and I have figured out some techniques how to keep that chaos at bay and to work from more a peaceful environment .

But if I don't , I try not to find out too much ahead of time , because I like to ask the questions . I feel like I would ask if you and I were sitting down having lunch . So that's how we kind of format the podcast . It's like , hey , let's get to know each other and like what would I want , what would you want to know ? And that's so .

I've been doing it that way for years and I guess people like it because I got a million downloads , exactly ,

and people all the time they send me like did you get my questions ? I was like you know I did , I threw them away . Then they're like oh my god , and I'm like I got you , I got you okay . So I agree , the world is full of chaos . I feel I just me personally .

I feel like social media almost makes the world make it more chaotic oh yeah everyone's online . Everything's so negative and people are saying mean things to people and I mean it's like we just rescued astronauts from space . How can you possibly write something negative about that ?

Yeah , they were stuck in space , like where there's no food , there's no water , it's like . And then even that like people find the fault and it's like what is wrong with people today ? There's so much noise and there's just so much . And then you have other people's energy and you know it's like you just like .

I'm always like , oh , don't rub any of that bad energy up on me . So chaos to peace . How did you come up with this concept ? And and like why are you helping people do this ? Because I really love it . As soon as I read the title , I was like I already love her .

So from early on I realized how the environment has an influence on us , and how the physical environment right , not just the social , like people , we all are aware of that but the physical environment too . And so I grew up in a little in a house and I myself had a little room .

I always called it a broom closet , and so I was constantly trying to make this room fit me better and what I needed to do Right . But then of course this was not something that was , back then , a career .

But then I also helped them create peace on their desk , in their , in their offices , and I always kind of said , well , I help you going from chaos to peace , kind of Of course , originally I said it in German because I'm Switzerland , I come from the German part , but so this kind of stuck .

And then all of a sudden I thought why don't I call my business like this , why don't I talk more about really going from chaos to peace ? Before my company was called Graph Accounting and Controlling , Really boring .

So I'm always really curious how people chose what they do . And , like you said , you were talking and thinking and then it came to you Like why can't I help other people do this ? And then there you are , and now you're doing like your epiphany or whatever you would call it , and now you're able to do that .

So if I was so I'm assuming that you sort of help people in some sort of a mentorship way or there's something , something that they , you teach them I can't imagine you do it in one call , so you know , no , no that's part of your community or something like that .

guidance or coaching , however you want to call it . So the mentorship , I call it more like guidance or coaching , however you want to call it . Yeah , so we're talking and you know , Dwan , these days we can all Google how to create more order around us . That is not necessary . The information is not necessarily the problem .

The problem is why aren't we doing what we often know what to do ? Why can't we get ourselves to do the things we know we need to do ? Why are we procrastinating ? Right , and so this is basically what I then help . Yes , I do help with practical tips and all this , but what I'm actually helping them is accountability , to stay on track .

I help them talking it through , which a lot of people say I'm so glad I can talk this through , especially when it's around finances . They say , oh , I'm so glad I have somebody that I can talk this through . Other people is like when it's about creating an organized office or decluttering their home . They love talking through what do I let go ?

How do I do it ? Hey , I noticed I got sidetracked . I can't do it . What do I do wrong ? Right , so this is it . That's why I'm calling it guidance , because really we can all ask ChatGPT or Google it or whatever we get all the whole program how to do it , but then we don't do anything .

People google how to lose weight . There's 80 million thousand ways to lose weight , but then people don't do it yeah overcome that . So I feel like I , I almost feel like we have so much information overload , yeah , a hundred ways of you know organizing your space , but then no one actually does it , yeah , yeah , so I think one way .

There's kind of four types of people and depending on what type you're , you're falling into , you have other challenges that keep you from starting Right .

We're not trying to put boxes around people or put people in boxes , but it does help . So , as a fire person , for example , you're very quickly , very enthusiastic , you start something , but you have a hard time following through .

Right , as an earth person , you plan , you love planning , you plan and plan and plan , but you never start doing anything because you plan like a crazy man or crazy woman .

As an air person air people they have so many thoughts in their brain they're trying to weed through all their thoughts and they get caught up in analysis , paralysis , what is the best way to start ? So they don't start either . Right , and the water people are the ones who are very emotional .

They're very attached to everything and their things and they are easily overwhelmed and easily emotionally bogged down . So those people need a different approach , right ? And so if I can figure out on what the dominant energy of these four is in somebody , I can make suggestions and say okay , listen , you're a fire person like me .

I have a lot of fire , so I have to always be careful that I'm not a run after every shiny object and start seven million things .

this is kind of how I can help and we can talk it through and I can give them actually specific tasks , like tailored to them .

When we talk that they actually I can still not make them do them Right , but because we're reading through all the information and all the options and all the things I can , actually we can actually come up with a , with a task or something that they can do . And then it's that's the only thing .

I'm saying okay , you're only trying to do this , focus on this and not on all the other things that you might hear you could do or are on your list , right . And then I give accountability .

So it often helps and studies show that too If you tell somebody , yes , I'm going to do this , you're more likely to going to do it because next week you're on the call with me again and I say so , how did it go ? So this is kind of how I help and it helps a lot . It helps a to to weed through all the options and the possibilities .

It gives them a clear direction and it gives them accountability . Now , again , I can't make anybody do anything , but I sure try .

You can because if they've committed and said , kind of listen , I'm going to do the system , just being accountable , because in my real estate investing career , when someone wants to be what I call an apprentice training , they have this accountability log and it says how many homeowners did you talk to , how many leads did you get , how many this , how many that ,

how many postcards , how many doors you done , how many contracts ? And then when they're new , they're like I mean every , they fill it out , they send it to me and then in a couple months like they'll miss a few weeks , or they'll say , oh , it's on vacation , oh , I get busy , no , you're falling off of your accountability , but you can see them doing it .

So I I think I probably do what you do . I think back , I'm like , hey , listen , you missed two weeks of accountability , get back on because you're doing what everybody does . It's like , oh , and then you do it and then you dwindle , and if someone doesn't come back and say , get back on the track with me , they'll just dwindle off . Yeah .

And then like , okay , next thing you know they're closing deals , like , oh my god , mom was great . But there was a minute there where I had to like yell .

It's not I'm not going to do it for them , although a lot of people would love that just anybody or everybody does everything for them . But that's not how we get proud of ourselves , right ? If somebody would have done your podcast , you wouldn't be as proud for 1 million downloads . As you know . You worked hard for it and you did it yourself .

Do you think it's like just , I mean , I know it's a different signs and stuff , but do you think procrastination , or people like I find a lot of people are afraid of change , like deep down or like what do you think is like kind of the , the , maybe the number one or two things that keeps people from from really changing , because everybody can change yeah ,

yeah , I think one one of the reasons is not being active in the change , being worried that it's to you .

We're so comfortable in how we know things and it's almost like if , even though I'm really stressed out , even though I'm not successful , even though I don't like how it is right now , at least I know what I'm dealing with If I have to go to something different . It's new and it's scary .

And I sometimes feel too it's like the more the world around us gets crazier like right now is and we

don't have the inner grounding or the inner peace , how I call it . Yeah , the more , the more we're all just like hunkering down . I'm just gonna stay here exactly where I am and don't rock the boat , and I think that is one of the big ones .

And at the same time , they would wanna like they would wanna get into a better place , but only if they didn't have to change kind of thing .

So then , yeah , so , and you know , like Dwan I don't know how you are , whether you're always on the go and where you always can do it , but I can certainly relate there's sometimes days where I feel like , oh , if I could just sit back and not have to constantly strive for getting better , doing better , doing more , that would be lovely .

And then the next morning I wake up and think , oh , no , that wouldn't work for me .

the other side and they want that , but then they're afraid to get it . And then , when they get it , then what is the next step ? You know , yeah , and I , I honestly , I mean , I've been , I've been teaching people for like 35 years and I swear , I feel like the depths of everyone's soul . It's fear that stops us .

Yeah , I'm doing like what's on the other side .

So what I often then suggest is let's make small tweaks and small changes , like there is this I forgot the study , but they say if you just change the way you drive something like if you always drive the same way to the grocery store start driving a different way , start doing things a little bit different in your everyday life to get used to doing things

differently instead of being so in the rut and then just build from there . Right , but I mean it's , it is literally fear , and it hit me so hard when she said oh , I don't think I would recognize myself when I'm afraid of that .

And then you know , 10 years go by and nothing has changed at all .

In the morning you wake up and you think , oh , I have the whole day I can wait until and I can drink coffee first , read newspapers , scroll Instagram , whatever , right , and then .

And then it goes on and on , and then you find the laundry that needs to be folded and whatever , and then it's three in the afternoon and you think , oh , now I don't have to start , right ? So this is , this is one thing . So the one actionable tip I always say is and is the saying of mine a few minutes a day keeps the chaos away .

So start small , smaller than you think it will make a difference . But if you start small and you start creating a momentum where you're actually doing something and it can be so small that your procrastination muscle really has no chance to kick in you literally just do it . That , that is the biggest tip .

I'm going to clean out all the closets . I'm going to get rid of all the clothes somebody wears . I'm going to put all the clothes on the black velvet hangers . Okay , so now I've been here for three weeks I've only done two closets . Yeah , because then I'm like , and yeah , because then I'm like .

And then a couple of days ago , I was like , okay , I'm going to get up first thing , I'm not going to look at anything , I'm just going to go work on that closet . But then , like someone rang the doorbell and then the yard guy came . I started talking to him and then this and this and this and I was like , dang , it's 3.30 . I don't have time .

I did the exact identical thing in the last week . In the last week , the identical thing , and that's what made me laugh when you said that it was like I literally just did that .

So then we start to , oh yeah , well , and I have so much time , I can do it , so I can wait . I can read newspaper first , I can scroll first , I can drink coffee first , I can go sit in the garden first . We come up with everything and anything . And so this is why I'm saying just commit 15 minutes , commit to half an hour .

Half an hour is already , I would say , the max , so don't do longer . Because another thing I always say too is like you have to train your decluttering muscle . I always put this here we have to train our decluttering muscle . I always put this here we have to train our decluttering muscle .

So if you're not used to doing decluttering and organizing and cleaning out and putting back in , you're getting tired very quickly . You're getting .

Depending on what type of person you are , you either get very quickly emotionally overwhelmed If you're more like an air person , you quickly get sidetracked with all kinds of other squirrel things that you could do as a fire person . You lose the enthusiasm fairly quickly , right , and then you may have a bigger mess than you had ever before .

And the earth person , like we said , hardly ever starts , especially if it's a big project . The three closets oh my God , we will have to plan that first before we can start . Right , so start small .

So I often say start with 15 minutes , start with 20 minutes , start with as little time as possible where you can actually say , ok , I can choose , I can do that , I have 15 minutes that quickly can do something . And then start with the obvious thing . Another funny thing is that a lot of people always ask me .

They always come with the most difficult decision to me and say well , connie , how would you , how would you decide here ? And I'm like OK , is that the only thing that you still have to clean up or organize ? If not , let's do everything else first .

Because you get more used to making decisions , you understand more what your ideal or supportive environment is , you understand more about yourself , you are used to the process , so don't start with so if we're talking about household stuff . Don't start with your grandmother's china that you actually don't know what to do .

If that's when you can't like , this is not you . I'm sure you have other stuff that you can work on first .

So I'm like , I mean I have cleaned out all my closets and kitchens , bathrooms , under the drawer , I mean over the , you know not all like over the last few years I've changed out all the hangers , I've organized , I've thrown clothes away and I'm like okay , and now I'm like with my grandkids , like you know , I'll have this here and I'm like listen , don't

touch my stuff . It was over here . Stop touching my stuff , don't move it there , I want it here . And I'm like okay now I'm becoming like a crazy person , but I I'm getting to where I just I used to live in my husband's a mess , like he just stuffs all over the place . And now I'm just to where I just .

I used to live in my husband's a mess , like he just stuffs all over the place . And now I'm just like I walk in the room I'm like , oh , I can't even look at this room because there's so much clutter in here . Like my heart can't take the pressure of all the clutter . And I feel like I'm going the other way .

And so now I'm just like dude , listen , we're going to start cleaning and he helps me . We , I'm just like dude , listen , we're going to start cleaning and he helps me . We're going to do this and this and this , and when it's done , nothing gets put out of place .

We're going to keep clutter free , and I was never super crazy about all that organized , but in the last few years I feel like the older I get , the more I just want everything to be in a place . So when I go to look for it , that's where it's at , and if I need this , it's there . And I go there and then it's not there .

Then I spend an hour looking for something because somebody moved it . It's like stop touching my stuff . So I

don't know if I'm getting like because that's about my things , but I just like if I go in the dressing , that's where the scissors are . I want them and they're not there . It's 30 minutes to me . It's like stop , stop moving my stuff .

So I like when things are where they belong Because , like I said , if we want to be productive in working , if we want to not spend hours and hours searching for stuff , it helps if the stuff is there where we put it , If we have a home . So it starts actually a few steps before that we have a home for everything that we have .

Right , we're not just having willy nilly stuff , we have things that have a home in our home and that's where we go when we want it and when we're working , like when we're in this flow state and we're working and everything works out well , and then we don't find anything all of a sudden that stops us in our tracks .

Right , and that's where we're trying to not get stopped and the things are always where they need to be . Now , nobody is perfect , so I'm always thinking like if 80 to 90% of the time the stuff is where it needs to be , good enough , because we need to stay human .

They need things and information to help them , like get to the next level , because that's a thing too , getting to the next level and dealing with traumas and getting to the next level . And dealing with traumas and getting to the next level , I mean , I feel like what you do is just so . I mean , even me .

Everybody needs someone to help them get through the clutter , the chaos .

Maybe it was your grandmother , maybe it was your mother , maybe it was an aunt , maybe it was some family relative or some community member that you could go to and ask something . And in our world today it's almost like we feel like we have to do it all by ourselves .

I have a client who constantly says Connie , I don't know why I always come to your calls or why I still need your calls . I should be able to do it myself . And I say who says ? Who says that we have to do it all ourselves ?

And that's why people are so overwhelmed , because it's like , oh , women are going to do everything . And that's why people are so overwhelmed because it's like , oh , we're going to do everything . Yeah , we can , but why do we have to literally do everything ? Like your husband should be helping , not like it's a woman's job ?

and you know like when I was a kid , you had aunts and uncles and grandparents and like it was more of a community and people are now more isolated . I think yeah . And then especially women .

duties you have at home . That's kind of like how I grew up . And this is where it comes from too , where we probably think , like you just said , we need to do it all , because we need to prove that we can do it all , and because we need to prove that we can do it all , and it's not healthy . It's not healthy .

So , yeah , ask for help , which a lot of people say it's the hardest thing to do , and I can agree . Sometimes I have a hard time too to ask , because we're socialized to not have to ask , especially if you're a woman , because then you're told oh , I knew you couldn't do it .

I was raised old school with a switch and a bell and no gentle . You're gonna mind me . And then maybe I need to soften up a little bit . I don't know . I just I feel like the world's gone crazy and there's just too much happening . There is so much chaos and I just don't feel like most people take the time to actually find their peace . Now , I do .

I take time every day to find my peace . I have quiet time , I have a candle , I read the bible and I'm like beautiful . I , I'm doing this , but I only learned to stand my ground about my peace only in like the last five or six years .

I was almost 60 before I started saying you know what , listen , I'm taking care of me first , and then everybody else is second . And before I was like a super people pleaser and somewhere along the way I was like you know what I can't do , that I'm sick a lot , I'm run down , I'm exhausted , I'm not enjoying things .

So I just made the decision to like I'm putting myself first , I'm putting my peace , my room is clean , everything in this clean , clean , clean , and I have time to relax and I just do it . I'm like I just don't care if people get mad . Oh , you said no to that . I'm like , no , I'm not doing that . I'm not doing that .

That's not healthy for me personally . But when you get to the point , especially as a woman , and you start saying no to people that used to say yes to everyone , they're like ooh , which one with you ? Now it's like I'm watching out for my peace . That's what's wrong and what you're asking me is not part of my plan anymore .

And people get offended Ooh , which one with you ? Which one with Duann ? And it's like no Duann's tired of being a doormat .

Right , but if we're running around like crazy pants , this is not creating peace . Also , you know that if you're running around like crazy pants , trying to please everybody and trying to make sure everybody is fine A , you are not fine in the end automatically . But the other thing is too , is you have not a single moment to actually reflect .

Does that even make sense , what I'm doing right , or does it maybe have negative consequences ?

I agree more with everything that you're saying , but I do , just in my personal experience and a lot of my friends , I find that it is hard , and I'm sure it is for men too , but just from a woman's perspective , it's hard sometimes to just draw that line of like this is what I need , because other people are like , oh , she won't help , I can't just drop

the kids off anytime , dare , and I can't , you know , and it's like no , that's it , that's how it is . Yeah , yeah , this is my , this is my line in the sand and that's how it is . But once you do it for a while , I wake up . Now I'm just like , ah , yeah , peaceful .

I don't wake up with anxiety anymore , I go to bed peaceful and people are used to me now . But man , the first couple of years , oh my gosh , I got so much flack off people .

Not just you changed , they had to change , and they don't like that .

And and I think the other thing is often too , is and I struggle with that still to this day you know how when , as a woman , you maybe say too long , you say yes , and then , when the no comes , you're so at wit's end that it maybe comes out aggressive instead of from a place of of groundedness .

And so when I discovered that for myself , because a lot of people say to me well , connie , you're so aggressive and I'm like I don't mean to be aggressive , but then I realized I come across aggressive because I wait too long . And so now when I'm actually more intentional , I come across assertive more than aggressive , right , like grounded in me .

Thanks for asking , but no , that doesn't work for me . Thanks for asking , but no , I'm not doing this . Thanks for asking , no , you know , and if , if I can come from this more calm place instead of the ? I'm so overwhelmed with you . You already asking again and I'm really getting frustrated . I think they accept it easier too . I agree .

And when you start really being like I am gonna take care of my piece , I am , and you know , I didn't really learn how to do that until I was in my 50sies .

Yeah , I wish I would have , like you know , took more time , instead of just being like , oh , whatever you need , and now it's like okay , I got it now , but if you're young 20 , 30 , 40 , anyone you need to work on your piece today , so you'll just have you'll have a better life .

that thing , on top of that thing , and then you get to bed two in the morning and then you're exhausted for three days . I feel like . I feel like it's sort of bred into us . Just we have to do everything and I , for me , I didn't recognize it until I got into my 50s .

Actually , I started podcasting , I started listening to people like you and I started reading more books , not self-help about business , but like about myself and then I was like , oh man , I'm such a people pleaser and I do everything . I do this , I do that .

Like , put those things and do that now , because you will have a happier life . Yeah , yeah , and my daughter , my one daughter , ala , my , my daughter I was , I was raised her twice 13 till I married bill . That girl's like listen , no , um , this day I'm going here , on this day I'm doing that .

If you ask her for something , she's like nope , these are my things , I'm doing my things . And like , every day she has something , that time it is , and sometimes it's like skating or whatever she's doing , and she's like , nope , not gonna do that , I'm taking care of my piece .

And then I'm like part of me is like girl and the other part's like you go girl , yeah yeah , I gotta tell you that , so go . But then it's like you can't say no to me .

anything he wants , and he's exhausted every night . I'm like dude , I don't want to say no to people . I'm like , all right , well , you know , yeah , I've talked to him and talked to'm . Like dude , I just want to say no to people I'm like all right .

Well , you know , yeah , I've talked to him and talked to him like I can't talk to him about it anymore , because then it's like you know , I'm the bickering wife and it's like you do you , but here's what I'm doing , so I'm not doing that with you . So when you commit to this for the next two days , I'm not doing it .

I'm like I'm not hard to get along with . I'm standing my ground , controlling my peace . So I love what you do .

I love everything about you , um , and , and all of you , you're gonna love listening to this and just go find her , check her out , get on her site , find her and if you are having I want some chaos to peace , this is your girl , because , especially for the I mean men too , I know it , but especially for the women , it takes us too long I feel like to

finally start finding our peace . And don't wait , like me , until my 50s . Do it now , in your 20s and 30s . You'll have a better life .

Right the minute we start bringing more peace in our life , that peace will ripple , have a ripple effect out . It will have an effect on your loved ones , on your family , on your children , on your little community , your neighborhood , and we all can use more peace in our life . So let's start with us and give it to ourselves and then to our family .