This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast the most dramatic podcast ever. Is so good today because it's all about you, taking your questions, hearing your.
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This one is. This person gave us a lot of context and so I'm going to read it. It's a long question, but ooh, it's a good one. It is. It was sent in anonymously, and here's the question, Lauren and Chris. I am having doubts about my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for years and live together. Our lives are so integrated, family, friends, home routines, and the thought of starting over is scary, being that I'm
in my late twenties. I have a gut feeling though that keeps resurfacing, and I am terrified of making the wrong choice. I am not sure I'm in love anymore. Any advice, Yeah.
We have a lot. First of all, it is interesting, and it's important to note they've been together for several years because if you're just starting out and is one thing, but if you are really integrated and entwined in each other's lives and family, which they are. That takes things to a different level. First and foremost, I would just say, because this brought up another situation that we have a friend in and we would give the same advice, don't
be afraid to change. And I'm not saying this person should get out of this relationship. For sure, I still don't know enough, but I would just say, don't be afraid to change.
Yeah, that's the big thing that sticks out in that question right away for both of us. We thought, quote, the thought of starting over is scary, being that I'm in my late twenties. Oh my gosh. As two elders were sitting here and saying you.
Got a lot, well, I would say, no matter how old you are, I mean, you are definitely very very young, and I know you only know what you know. You can't possibly know what's to come and how experienced you'll be, and you'll look back in your thirties, You'll look back in your forties and in your fifties and be like, I can't believe I was worried about changing in my twenties. But again, but I can't. I'm not saying this to be disrespectful to you.
I get it.
You don't know any different, and so you feel like, yeah, I'm a little bit old and experienced in my late twenties. Don't be so afraid to change that you don't give yourself a chance to be happy, because you're going to look back just a few years from now. If you did make the cut and you moved on, you were going to look back in just a few short years and think, Wow, what if I hadn't changed. Thank goodness, Thank goodness, I pulled the plug. It happened so fast.
You will be so grateful for that that that's what worries me about this relationship.
When you're having that feeling over and over again. It's hard to listen to our gut these days. There's a lot of noise in the world. But you know, to be honest, I first of all, I applaud you on recognizing that, because I look back at my own marriage, and when I look back, there were those little feelings.
I didn't see them then, I didn't feel them. But when I look back, I can actually think of specific moments that I knew it maybe wasn't going to work out, but I didn't listen to my gut enough and look, I got divorce, started over at thirty, and oh my gosh, like it's I really believe I have no regrets. I believe that if you're happy with where you are, you can't regret where you've been. And everything led me to
where I am. But I'm so happy in my relationship now, and I do look back and think what if I'd stayed in that marriage. And that's a great point, babe, about never being afraid. You know, I do think change can get harder as we get older, and you should never be afraid to change. But I will tell you it's a lot easier actually to start over in your late twenties than it is later.
And I got divorced and started over when I was forty. Yeah, and I don't regret that at all, and nor does my ex. By the way, it was an important thing for both of us to do to be happy. And so the thought of staying in this relationship that this person's referring to, Because if you think you're unhappy now, if you think you're miserable now, if you're in a toxic relationship now, think what it's going to be in
five years. And now you're not in your late twenties, now in your mid thirties, and you've been in a toxic relationship. And if you think your lives are intertwined, now add five more years, oh gosh, add kids to kids to the situation. Things only get more and more complicated if you kick the can down the road. Really, in anything in life, I'm a big believe of face the music now, whether it's raising kids, whether it's dealing with problems, those issues only get bigger if you kick
it down the road. Figure out what's going on now and make that decision. And again I don't know enough about this particular one, but just we're speaking in generalities that I would be more fearful.
I'm going to say it. My advice is ended. My advice is break it off. That's it. I feel like I'm trying to be gentle with what I'm saying, because, like you said, look, look, don't take my advice like I'm your therapist or something. But just from what I'm reading here, I would say, get out of it.
It feels like it's over. It feels like this person already has one and a half feet out the door, but they need to pull the plug.
And you're saying, you're in your late twenties. Our twenties are a time of a lot of change. Maybe you got in this relationship in your early twenties, and by your late twenties you're a pretty different person. I was so different at twenty eight than I was at twenty three. Maybe this relationship was great then, and you're a different person now. And so while while you're afraid of change, the truth is the change has already happened. You've already changed,
and so you have to embrace that. And I'd also think in life, we have relationships for reasons and for seasons, and you know nobody. I don't know everybody's going to look back and and life comes in waves, right, So you might be on the other side of this wave, and I think it's time to end.
Did I do a great don't worry about the family, the friends, the home, the daily routines. That stuff can and will change.
And I don't know anyone, Okay, well, I can think of one person. I know one person who regrets not ending their relationship but screwing it up. I know one person who cheated on someone and wishes they'd stayed in that marriage. But other than that, one person like and that's they wish they had made that mistake.
Y's true. How many how many divorced people do you know say wow, I really shouldn't have pulled the plug. We really should have stayed in that relationship five more years.
I don't know anyone who who wishes they hadn't ended a relationship. I don't know anyone who looks back and says I should have stayed in that. So I think if you've got that feeling, that's all you need to know.
Don't be afraid to change. Any advice this is from Jennifer. Any advice for navigating dating with young kids something that we kind of did.
Yes, thank you, Jennifer. What a good question. And gosh, that's I mean, we're talking about divorce. That's something people deal with all the time. Well you more so did it. I came into your life when the kids were fifteen and seventeen. I think I think as Taylor just gotten her permit, I like, yeah, I remember being with trying to teach her how to park on a curb.
Maybe she was fortunate she didn't realize you don't park on the curb. That was that was the big note.
But so I'm going to go to you for that because you were the one who had you actually did date.
With the I did both. I dated with my kids and I dated moms who had kids, some young, older, whatever. I kind of ran the gamut, so you know, the navigational part of it when you have kids, when they are yours. This was totally my preference early on, especially I made post divorce my life about them and making sure my relationship with myself and my kids was safe, secure, solid, rebuilding that foundation from the ground up, making sure everybody's good.
Then when I started venturing out dating, yeah, I definitely did it anonymously away from my kids so they wouldn't know. But it did get to the point where as my kids got older and I was on a date, I was on a first date and I asked this woman who had kids as well, her opinion. She says, you know what I did? I asked my kids. I said, when do you guys want to know? Do you want to know? And I thought, I mean, as crazy as it is, as parents, we often don't stop and just
ask the kids their opinion. You think, as the dad, single day, I need to know this. I need to make the decision for them to protect them. So I actually took my kids on a walk the next day and I said, hey, guys, you know I'm I do date, and like, of course we.
Know, dad. They were more than any things they did.
Of course they do. And at this point, you know, it's probably maybe the end of elementary school, maybe the beginning of middle school. And I said, well, so when or if would you ever want to meet anybody I'm dating? And they actually had a great explanation. They said a great answer, said, we do want to meet the person you're dating, not too early. We don't want to meet all of them, but we also don't want the situation where you walk in the door and you say, hey, guys,
this is Lauren Zema. I love her, We're getting married, and they have no say. They feel like they have no say in this. They feel like only the only thing they can do is accept this. This has been forced down their throat now. And that was really interesting to me. So it wasn't don't go fall in love and then bring her home. It was if this person serious enough that you care to see her three, four, five,
ten times? Okay, you know it's okay for us to meet her, say hello, get started, start that relationship, so you're not just bringing her in. And that first time you're starting their relationship is when yours has already gotten to that very serious stage. And that was great advice.
Did you adjust?
And that is I only had one date with that woman, by the way, but still say very sage advice.
By the way, everything for a reason. You went on a date with her, for a reason you.
Got that very interesting date. By the way. Two things were very interesting. She was she had been married, she was divorced, had kids, had been married to a very very famous athlete, world famous, one of the most famous athletes in the world.
So hey, I don't really know my athletes, but now I'm going to be the other one to ask you who this is after week.
The other interesting thing that happened, this is horrifying, but a very funny anecdote. We're up in Santa Barbara. This this woman lived up in Santa Barbara, and so we up there. It's easier and it was easier for me to be incognito and anonymous getting out of La So it was only like a forty five minute drive up there. I go up to Santa Barbara and we're having dinner, and again I was with ABC at the time. There was another big show on ABC at the time. So
I look across the room and there's Rob Low. Rob Low lives in Santa Barbara. I had gotten to know him. We're not buddies, but I got to know him enough that you know, we'd give each other up the hand, the hand bro hug thing. So worst thing in the world happens on a first date. Rob Low gets up after we just give each other the head nod. Hey man, hey man, he gets up and walks across the room to be nice, and walks up to my table. On a first date, Rob Low puts his face next to mine.
Rob Low. If I was going to date a man, one hundred percent would be Rob Low. You have always stunningly gorgeous in person, it's even more electric and petrifying. It's like this gravitational poll. I'm just staring into his deep blue eyes, and I'm thinking, what is this woman across the table thinking right now she's looking at me and looking at Rob Low.
This is so funny because I remember I did a sit down interview with Rob Low once and I told you that morning, Like I'd interviewed different people every day, so I didn't always It's not like you always knew who I was interviewing. In that morning, I said, oh, yeah, I'm going to do this sit down with Rob Low, and I remember thinking your reaction was kind of funny. You were like, oh really, hello, damn you Rob Low? He did it again?
Yeah, that was that was there was. I will always remember how it was like it was in slow motion. It was like, how do I give the signal of don't come over here and say hello?
You know what I'm not. This is no shade to Rob Low, because, by the way, when I interviewed him, so kind, don't funny, so witty. He's not my type. Wow, he's a little like, uh, cheek boned and pretty For me, I like a little more grizzly.
Are you okay? Are you a Patrick Dempsey? No?
Also too pretty? Okay? I'm a Harrison Ford. Oh okay, I'm an Indiana Jones.
Old grizzled veteran.
That's why I like when you have stubble. One of these days, it's one of my I want us to be. I'm gonna make you be harrisy Indiana Jones for Halloween.
Okay, so now I know, now I know who to worry about.
Well. I have interviewed Harrison Ford as well, Yes, and he was just as grizzled as I wanted.
Richard here and Brad Pitt.
I mean, everybody thinks Brad Pitt's hot, but I've never been into I've never been into blondes either, and I would consider him a.
Blade where this is the this is my question on Brad Pitt. Where is your favorite Brad Pitt? Is it young Thelman, Louise Brad Pitt? Is it river runs through it? Is it the older you know, mister and missus Smith? And you know now that he's aged at every age. I don't get all the Oceans movie. I can't choose ridiculously handsome.
I got to go back to the kids thing real quick, because I did want to ask you one question which I think might be helpful for people. Because you were divorced, you know, single for about ten years. How did you change dating with with whether the kids would meet someone like based on their ages? Because that person who asked the question did say young kids versus you know, teenagers. What change did you make it? Fact?
Well, the difficult thing that people don't often discuss is with kids, there is an X out there. If you're lucky, maybe the X isn't a part of the life anymore, the dad or whatever, or at least if you're very lucky, it's healthy. But oftentimes if there has been divorced, sometimes
it's ugly. And that's a difficult thing because you know, there is resentfulness one way or the other, and the kids might be upset that moms moving on, and so there are a lot of layers and that is difficult and it's something case by case you have to navigate that because I did enter into some situations where it had been a really toxic situation. The dad in all
of this was not a good person. The mom was trying to start their life, but it was really difficult and she's you know, so there are some really tough cases when when kids are involved, that means someone else, That means there is a third party involved in this too, and that that to me, is more difficult than dealing with the kids. It's dealing with the exes.
Oh well, you just that did not answer my question, but it opens up a whole new thing. So number one tip on dealing with the exes.
Tread lightly, you know, try to keep your famous line, try to keep your side of the street clean, you know. And I think it's important, you know, however you do it, you don't have to say it, but not feeling like, hey, I'm going to be your new dad.
Actually, this is a question we had. Paige said, any step parent tips from l Z and exactly what you're saying. I mean, you and I have talked about this. I don't I don't think you can. Gosh. I struggle with the words stepmom, stepdad, stepparent because on the one hand, they have such a negative connotation with them from Damn Disney movies where every step mom is the villain and in some cases trying to kill the kid. I mean, And then you know, you have to you have because
it just becomes an awkward conversation. People like people ask me, do you have kids, and I'm like, well, we have kids, are like, well, we have Chris's kids. But then on the other hand, I love your kids. I love them, I would die for them. I love them, and I would never want you to be with somebody who didn't love your kids, or anybody too. But then at the same time, like I always approached it, and I do think this was beneficial for us and for everybody. I
am not their mom. I don't want to be their mom. I actually the kids will say this is my stepmom. I think just because it's an easy way to introduce me. But I I've just always wanted to be somebody in their life who loves them, is a mentor to them, will give them advice, will support them. But you know, I've never tried to be that. I've never especially in the beginning, and there's such good kids that I've never
like had to discipline them. But in the beginning, I never was if there was ever anything, I was always like, that's on you. You're the dad. You handle that, you you know, address that situation. And so I didn't try to be their parent, and I think that helped in the beginning for sure.
Don't worry about the label. Worry about who you want to be in their life and againship. I know it can be difficult if a kid is you know, again you get to the disciplinary stuff. It's like I've I've seen this and I've dealt with this, where if a kid is unbelievably disrespectful to you. If one of my kids was very disrespectful to you, well that says a lot about me. How am I going to stand up for you?
I think that's on you to handle it.
Yeah, and so if I don't, that's a big red flag for you of like, Okay, he's never going to choose me. And so it's that's a very delicate dance. You have to make the kids, the exes, that whole scenario. It's like, there's so many factors that got.
But you know what, I think you got to come in with respect. That was the other big thing for me too. I came in with and I do have the utmost respect for I think parenting is the hardest job in the world. So I wanted to come in with respect for your ex wife, the kids, mom. I wanted to come in with respect for the fact that, you know, there was a history here before I was part of it, and there was a lot of love there. And I wanted to build a relationship and blend our families,
but slowly, I mean, I would you know. I wanted your ex to know that I appreciated her and admired her. I wanted to text her on Mother's Day and say thank you for thanking an include her in things, and for us all to try to do this stuff together because the kids benefit more from that. You know, they already have had this situation where they've had to live in two homes. So I wanted to bring us all together as much as possible because they're the ones that benefit the most.
And I wish everybody, I mean, LZ could teach a masterclass because how she handled everything, how she navigated those waters, which was very difficult. I don't care how good the situation is, it's difficult. You did a beautiful job of that. It made me love you even more the way you appreciated my kids, the way you treated them and integrated
into our lives together, because you know it is tough. Again, going back to the original question, would I have stayed with somebody who my kids didn't like or someone didn't get along with my kids.
I don't think you can.
I don't think I can. No, And just knowing me, I don't think I would have chosen someone over essentially over my kids.
And if you do, that's a red flag on using it.
Yeah, So I just I know those are situations and I know there's other extremes of they're being poisoned by the X, and so I get it. There's there's a lot of toxicity to some of these situations. But in my own situation, if my kids would come to me as a dad, we just don't see it. I mean, we're not we don't love this person. I don't think I could have ended up with that person. I think they I would have had to have moved on.
Well, I would say those would be my three tips on step parenting is tread lightly and slowly, get to know the kids before you try to parent them, and respect all the adults involved.
Let them and let them at least feel like maybe they're taking the lead a little bit in that relationship of bringing you in and getting to know them.
Well, let's hard pivot. I want to go from we've been talking marriage kids. I want to go right into some juicy drama in the beginning of a relationship. Jamie is asking how do you break the pattern of getting ghosted and how do you get a guy to commit to you? Jamie, I'm gonna be team Jamie right now. Jamie. I don't know you, but I'm team Jamie. I don't want you to have to think about how to get a guy to commit to you. If he is not committing to you, then Jamie, you don't commit to him,
you walk away. You should not have to be worrying about contemplating how to get somebody to commit to you. If they're not doing it, he's not the person for you.
Yeah, Jamie, there's no magic dust you sprinkle on somebody to make them commit.
Because here's the thing, Jamie, it's not the problem isn't you here, The problem is them. If you're ready to commit, if you're someone who wants to commit and they don't, well that's their own stuff they got to work out. And you're not gonna be able to fix that.
And I get it. You're like, God, I've been on a million dates. I'm so tired of trying to, you know, going through all these guys who are just swiping right and swiping right and they have a million options and YadA YadA, and so I'm just tired of it. How do I get this guy to commit and not ghost to me? It's as Lauren just said.
It's it's on you. Well, now I will say to make that well judgment, but I will say when she says, the first part of the question, how do you break the pattern of getting ghosted? I do think the apps are a problem. I think apps. We were just talking to somebody, a guy who was an app designer, and he was saying he had actually spoken to the people who created Tinder, and he said to them, your app had a fundamental ethical design flow in the beginning, which
is you made people worthless, you made them swipeable. You said, this person is only worth a swipe. And that's an unethical, unconscious design of the app.
So so many of these apps do that. You are discarding a human being, You're discarding a life by making them a swipe in three seconds.
But Jamie, I would say to that, what I've I've said to so many of my friends is you got to get off the app with a person and if they're not willing to take your communication from the app to something else, that's such a red flag for me. Like, Okay, maybe you meet on an app, but you need to quickly graduate to phone calls, graduate to let's meet for coffee and drinks.
You know the game, right, So you know the routine because you've played the game, and you've been played by that game. So, okay, you know that the typical layout is get on the app, hook up on the app, go hook up somewhere. Stay like Lauren saying, you got to change the game. You have to shake up the snow globe a little bit and make it different with this person. And if, by the way, if they don't want to change the game, that means they just want to stay in that pattern. They want to just keep
hooking up and keep it very safe. So if you ask to change and they're willing to, there you go. That's one step. Already you've gotten them off the app. We're talking Okay, let's actually meet in person and take it to that level. And now it becomes much more personal and they can't just discard you by you've never taken it off, tender the direct messages or whatever.
It really is good.
You got to change the game if you expect that game to be changed.
My last piece of advice on that, though, is I do generally advise I think in the beginning, you gotta play hard to get a little bit, and by that I mean like see if they will come to you. Because the apps are out there giving so many options and all that make sure that they will prove that they will come to you, that they will commit to you, even on the level of more of a date. I don't mind making the first move, guys. The onus is put on guys a lot to make the first move,
and they're intimidated and they're scared too. But what I always say is I open the door and he's got to walk through, meaning like I don't mind saying hey, like, here's my number, but if he doesn't call, if he doesn't set up the date, if he doesn't show that effort.
Yeah, even goes so far as to say, hey, I think we should go out right And if they don't pick that up, then that again, you can't. You can't make that horse drink.
They should be committing to you, Jamie. You're worth it, Jamie.
An issue that you and I have been seeing a lot in a few of our friends. This is from Matt. What do you do when one of you wants to move states but the other doesn't oo, And this is something you and I have talked a lot about moving jobs all that. So when you get married, when you start dating, you're in your twenties, you're in your thirties.
Whatever could be later in life. Yeah, but this typically I would think happens at a younger level because of the pivotal nature of life early on you're kind of getting into that career. But you're right, it could happen at any time, and it is something I would take this a step further. It's not just moving. Are we having kids? Big huge life changing decisions that you don't see eye to eye on. What do you do well?
I think the most important thing to do is that you have to have talked about those major how do I want to live my life things before you're married to someone. Where do you see you? And I talked on our first date. We talked about how you had seen yourself wanting to move to Texas one day, and I remember thinking, well, you know, if you'd said Nebraska, I don't know if I'm in no offense to Nebraska, But like I love, I'm from the Midwest. I love Dallas.
I had a lot of friends in Dallas actually, and you know, we ended up falling in love with Austin, but we had that discussion on our first date that we both saw ourselves maybe leaving LA one day. I think from the beginning you got to iron out. We had this discussion on our first date, do you want to have kids? We had the discussion of you know, how long do you see yourself continuing to work? When you know, when do you like to travel? Those big things.
You have got to talk about that in the beginning. It's how, it's the how you want to live your life questions. Now that doesn't say like you could be in a relationship and how somebody gets a really cool job offer and they're like, hey, I want to move for this job, but you're thinking, whoa, we didn't see ourselves moving to Nebraska for the super cool job in Nebraska. So what would you advise people? Then?
Well, and I agree, you've got to have those conversations up front. When you and I started dating, I made it very clear, Hey, I have two kids. They are my life, especially right now they're at a very pivotal age and an important age that they need their dad. I'm going to be there for them there number one and I want to date, but just know this is so important. So there's going to be games and dances and things like that that I will just have to be a part of and want to be a part of.
And I want to bring you into that eventually, and so just letting somebody know the score, letting them know exactly where you are. We talked about not having kids, We talked about, like you said early on, I see myself, my kids are going to graduate pretty soon. They'll probably be in Texas or somewhere around. I want to go there. So I just think those those big conversations, and it's not that things won't change, because as we know in life,
it will change. But if you never started out by having that conversation about kids, jobs, all that, then it will come up and it will be explosive.
You completely avoided my question. I think this is a tough question to answer if this big issue comes up later in a relationship, something you don't see coming. I think the truth is somebody's got to give. Of course, yes, somebody's got to give, you know, I mean unless you're breaking up.
But well, something's going to give, yes, and so someone's got to give, or something's going.
To give, right, unless it's so big of a thing that you're you end the relationship. But the truth is relationships are in many ways about compromise. You have to say I can give this, if you can promise me that like or you know, I would say it says a lot about a person if they're not open to compromise and to change. Because life is guaranteed to throw
unexpected things at you. As much as you can have these important conversations about how do we want to live our lives, someone can get a job off or someone can get laid off, and then maybe you've got to make a different job decision and maybe you have to move. Maybe the way things are in this state has changed and you've got to get out of there. So you do want a partner in life who's going to be open to change and compromise and willing to give a
little bit. It's a red flag for you if you're the one who's always giving and your partner never is. But I do think the question what do you do if someone wants to move and the other one doesn't, Well, somebody's got to give. That's the unfortunate truth about it, and it'll tell you a lot about that person if they're not willing to give even a little bit, if it's something that's really important to you, it might not make them wrong, are you wrong? But it might mean a big problem in the rerun.
Even that could be a compromise of Hey, okay, so if I give here, let's move to Lincoln, Nebraska for five years, and then let's also look about moving forward here or you know, wherever. So again, the compromise isn't just A or B, so it's very layered, nuanced. But it's just something that Lauren and I have seen a lot with some of our friends lately, and we keep talking about this, and it's a it's a huge deal because people do get a big especially in this day
and age of work. It's like you get a good job, well sometimes you do have to move for that, and you're gonna have to sacrifice, and you have to figure out what's the most important thing.
Callie asks, thoughts on the right time to move in together.
Probably during right before during a global pandemic, and again in our lifetime, you've only been able to count on that once. With the way, but with the way our government works, I think we can probably just probably have one of these every year. I'm guessing now. But that's what Laura and I did.
That is and by the way, we that was earlier than we talked about it. We had this plan we were going to I had an apartment, Chris had his house, and Chris's son was finishing his senior year of high school, and I said, you know, we talked about moving in together. And I said, you know, let's have Josh finish out his senior year of high school. I don't need to come in and rock the boat. I'll stay in this apartment in the city. And you were like, yeah, that'll
be awesome. We'll have this place in the city and we can you know, I can come stay there with you sometimes when I don't have the kids, we'll do fun dinners. And then March twenty twenty. I moved into that apartment in January twenty twenty. Yeah, and then March twenty we.
Really got our money's worth out of that.
So I will say, first of all, remind yourself that it's never going to be the perfect time. There isn't Gosh we plan and God laughs, there is never going to be the perfect time to move in together, to have kids, to try a new city. There are always going to be these little things that might be raising questions for you in your mind. But I will also say thoughts on the right time to move in together,
keyword there being time. If there was one piece of advice I would give anybody on a relationship, it is that, And I would even put it to the specifics of like a year. You've got to be with somebody for a certain amount of time to see what kind of person they are, because even when you think you know someone, you have to see them through a.
Couple of I recommend at least four seasons.
Four seasons, Yes, you got to see them through, like how do they react in situations? And only time will give you that how are they when someone sick?
Only see the best version of somebody and make all your judgments on that, because everybody can be perfect for those first one, two, three months. You know, it's it's easy when you live alone. You live separately, I mean, and it's easy to put on your best face all the time and when you're not feeling good, like Lauren just said, oh, you know, I'm going to stay in tonight, And so you just don't see each other. You don't
have to deal with that. You need to have dealt with each other and been in the trenches and gone through some tough times to realize this can work.
Go on a road trip together first, Yeah, travel, travel travel together for sure, Yes.
No matter what that is. And I know everyone can't travel the same, but do something where you are camping whatever.
The less glamorous, the more it's going to tell you on whether you can move in with someone. Book the worst trip ever.
And I was just I was just a big fan of with us. The moment felt right. The times to change felt right. For letting everybody know that we were in a relationship six months in just felt like I just.
Said, But it didn't feel right with the I mean with the pandemic rereforce.
I I was ready. It did feel right. Was it ahead of our schedule?
Sure?
But I think it's still I would argue it felt right.
Oh that's a good one.
I don't think it felt like we weren't prepared for this to move in. It just wasn't our life plan at the moment. I think we probably would have been another four or five, maybe.
Six a good point. It was telltale that when the pandemic happened, we kind of looked at each other and it was like, Okay, I'm coming to stay with you.
I mean it was an easy decision.
Is an easy decision that we're both ready for.
Yeah, and so that step was easy to take. Again, you can't always count on a global pandemic.
And you know what else, we were excited about it even though it was the pandemic. I think you should be excited to move in together. It shouldn't be questioning it. It shouldn't be like at that phase in your relationship it's probably still pretty new, and it should still be a bit of that honeymoon phase of we're excited to be together. No, and it should be exciting to like put your pieces together, build your home and your nest together, and it should be fun.
Should I end with a very personal question about us? Because Mary asked this will be our last question today? Mary asked, what will you and LZ do different this time to make your marriage work?
Wow? What will we do differently this time to make our marriage work?
Clearly, as Mary did her homework, we've both been married, we're both divorced. Yes, yes, this is number two for both of us.
Well, I don't mean to not I don't mean to not answer Mary's question, but I guess the problem with the way to answer that is that I think we are different people in different life places. And then the first times we both got married and going into this relationship, we both knew what we wanted out of a relationship and out of a partner, and we knew what we were looking for and we'd made mistakes, so we we've come into it totally differently.
Yeah, I always say, you know, and this goes for anybody's ex. You know, the next person usually when you are older, wiser, is getting a better version of you. Sure you are a much but I am a much better listener, conversationalists, caretaker, just impath for somebody.
Gosh, being a single dad made you, Oh gosh, you're so good at so many things, the things.
Honestly, that was the best boot camp I ever went through was being a single dad and I was fifty to fifty. I never want to take away from their mom. She did a wonderful job. She is a wonderful mother. But half the time I was alone and completely alone in everything we did from the moment we woke up to homework and everything, sick, everything. So that prepared me in a way for my next relationship that I couldn't
even explain. I mean, it's taken me to a level that when I got married at twenty three, somebody was still parenting me.
What I will say, maybe, and again it's kind of something we did beforehand, but what will we both do to make our marriage work this time? We're both older and wiser. I mean, we were both in our early twenties and we got married, so that's huge. We both know who we are, like I think we both got married the first time not fully knowing who we were yet. And for me, maybe the biggest thing on why I think okay, I feel better about this is I got married and I got engaged and married way too fast.
The first time, I got engaged after only about eight months. Yep, I didn't. I hadn't given that relationship the time and trials and tribulations to know yet that that was a lifelong.
I would say my biggest strength now and this might get me in trouble. And I don't mean it this way. Elsie and I might get in a fight about this. No, because it's not to say that she's always wrong, or it's not to say that she's ever wrong. But I think I am so much more. And again this goes back to being a single dad. I'm so much more patient because at this age and at this stage in my life I know what's important. I know what's important to me. I know what really matters, and so I
don't mind the little thing so much. They just don't bother me so so much. More can roll off my back, and I can give a lot more. I can see through things. If Lauren just in a bad mood or whatever. It just things that normally would have degraded into a fight and just blown up a situation that could really explode. I know, and you're really good at this anyway, but I know myself to see from a thousand feet and go, this isn't worth fighting about, This isn't worth three days of life.
I also got better at fighting, and maybe that's what you mean. Is I mean we argue and disagree, but on so much less occasion than I did in my first marriage. I mean I was younger, I was more hot headed, but I also had to learn how to argue with people, and that was working on myself too. I mean, if you're with somebody who's you're having toxic, angry, yelling arguments with, I am here to tell you that's
not normal and it's not healthy. I think I thought the first time around, or we're both going to grow and we're both going to get past this and maybe you can do that and grow together. But we grew apart, and I really had a moment of saying to myself, I have to work on how I talk to people, how I react to things myself. And so I've gotten a lot better at that. And I think arguing is
healthy and I think it's going to happen. But I definitely now in our relationship, I watch my words because in my first marriage, we were much more likely to hurl, you know, heart heart and hurt full words or things at each other. And I've realized that words hurt more than anything, and you really have to be careful what you say because you can't take it back.
So I don't want to end I know that was the last question. I don't want to end on such a like serious down there, so I will kind of. This is part B. What's a quirk about each other? Personality, hygiene, habits, really, anything that surprised you?
Oh from Wendy, what is a quirk about each other that surprised you? And man, when you move in with somebody or when you get married, you see you're surprised. So you can still learn things what's a quirk about me that surprised you, because I don't have mine about you yet. Do you know your answer?
One thing, first and foremost Voldemort, Oholdemort, impressions, but really just a lot of impressions and voices.
I'm a theater kid.
Those are things that you know, I kind a glimpse of I knew, you know, she did Roses and Rose. She did Roses and Rose, and you know I so I saw it. I knew the theatrical side, and I love the theater. But that was something that I noticed more of as she got more comfortable.
For sure, that's so true. I didn't give you the full theatrical experience.
Her and her sister don't have anything other than that going on. They speak to each other.
In weird voices, in code and.
In weird voices.
So true.
I know immediately when you're on the phone with your sister, So true, never your voice.
And you're right. And I purposely didn't give you that side of myself in the beginning. I will say, look, you, the person's got to love you for who you are. But just like I might not do my Voldemort impression. As I walk into a business meeting, I didn't do it on the first date. This was my first date version of myself and I did. Also, it made me love you more that you watched Roses and Rose and you saw that weird side of me and that you liked it, that you didn't have an issue with it.
But we go back to spend at least four seasons together before you make any dress, because you need to see that.
You need to.
See more and more and more of that, because hey, maybe that will drive you crazy. Turns out I love it. It does not.
But I think a quirk about you was when we moved in together. I you are such a clean, put together person on the surface. I learned Chris's house is very clean. I mean, he's a single dad, he's a bachelor, but he had a clean house. There wasn't a lot of clutter everywhere. But in the pandemic, I was going a little stir crazy and I'm a big organizer, and I actually thought about putting this on social media, but I didn't because I didn't want you to be embarrassed.
I started going through Chris's house thinking what else can I do in this time? I know we're going to clean house. We're gonna do spring cleaning. We're gonna revamp the house, get some new picture frames and pictures in them. Like do a revamp, get some new stuff for the kids rooms. Well, I would open a cabinet door and des cascade of stuff would come falling out. Chris Harrison might be an exaggeration, is a messy behind the scenes.
May I opened one cabinet in your kitchen and there were just empty boxes in the cabinet, like cardboard boxes.
You never know when you need boxes. Boxes are important. Okay, you're not wrong, You're not You're not wrong. It might not be that bad.
Here's a quirk about Chris Harrison. It's hard for him to not be perfect. He has an issue. We're messing up. Yeah no, But but what was great about that was I loved to organize, and I do think we're good at like our flaws or Quirks's strength. Yes, the dynamic duo.
And yes, on that note, we will put a pin in your questions and your answers for now. But love doing this, love hearing from you. And again, if you have any crazy relationship stories, questions, things you want us to talk about here on the pod, go to the most Dramatic Pod Ever on Insta. Leave your questions, leave your comments there. We'll pick them up and we'll bring them here on the show from time to time.
Thanks everybody, Love you all.
We'll see you next time because we have a lot more to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most Dramatic Pod Ever and make sure to write us a review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.