This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the home office in Austin, Texas. Every week at the end of the week, we're going to open up the playbook. Laura and I are going to sit down and we're going to discuss something. It could be a rant, it could be something positive, it could be just something that's on our mind that we want to get out there. And so today we're opening up the playbook and we're
talking about I love you. I love you, Pepe, I love you, I love you Man, I love this, I'm falling in love with you.
I love this topic of I love you, because here's really what we've had written down. It's very much from the show. What is the difference between I love you, I am falling in love with you, and I am in love with you. This was a major qualm that I had with Bachelor Bachelor at Bachelormaraieah for years of covering the show. And actually when I first had like, I had an issue with the phrase I am falling
in love with you because it's not something I've ever said. No, it's not something I think is normal to say, and if you people out there say it and they think it's that, there's an important reason why please tell me. But what I wanted to ask you, and I've got to refer to you as as a bit older than me on this one.
Did you wiser, more experienced?
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Did you all come up with that? Or is this something that is normal in our society before The Bachelor, the phrase I am falling in love with you? Or was it something the Bachelor like got into the zeitgeist.
I think it's something that we unfortunately put into the zeitgeist. I think it was a mechanism that we needed to show that this relationship was progressing and it's something that happens inside your head and inside your heart and you can feel it as a couple, but you got to articulate that so the audience knows, and so it's it was a mechanism that we put in place, and it wasn't on purpose. We didn't think, oh, we're going to
say this and therefore it will become a thing. But it really, I think did become a thing of you know, The Bachelor.
How you couldn't have the leads say I love you, because then it would be like, well, he's picking that you're in the fantasy.
But if you also needed something, you needed a caret to dangle not only to the audience but also to the woman of like, hey, buddy, why am I here holding on when you're dating four other women?
Right? Show me that I that you care.
I'm falling for you, I'm falling for you, I'm falling for you, I'm really falling for you.
It is.
Again in the real world. I one hundred percent agree. You're either in love with someone or you're not. Exactly you're not. Just don't say anything.
This is why it makes no sense to me, because if you're saying I'm falling in love with you or I'm maybe I'll give a little bit more grace to I'm falling for you, like to me, that more so says I'm really developing feelings for you. But if you're saying I'm falling in love with you, doesn't that mean I'm in love with you?
It does? It does?
It just means it means if you're falling, you're hitting the ground. Man, you're in the air. Ye.
Gravity is undefeated, and it's never the fall. By the way, it's always the landing that'll get you. And I agree, I'm falling in love with you is a really chicken shit way of saying I love you, I'm in love with you.
I agree, I'm too afraid to tell you. I want to see how you're going to.
React, or I want to keep my options open.
Yes, I want to keep well. Definitely in the case of the show, I want to keep my options open. Or I want to see how you'll react so I can sort of back away without getting hurt. I didn't put myself out there too much. I'm interested in this if people have heard I'm falling in love with you in real dating situations. A. I'm interested in if the show truly affected the dialogue of dating that's out there and it's become a thing. And B how do you feel about it? Are you okay with it? Have you
heard it from someone? Do you think it it is toxic? Or not to say it? I now I'm trying to think if I disagree with my own self, what do you think of I'm falling for you me? Yeah, like, would you could you hear that from someone? Do you think it's just as bad as I'm falling in love.
It's not as bad. I'll say one is a and then the other one's probably in the C level of I'm falling in love with you is again, I think it's just cowardice and kind of chicken shit, I'm crazy in the heat of the moment or something, or in a letter like I'm crazy about you, I'm really crazy about you, or yeah, falling for you, yeah, Like. I think that can be it can be endearing, it can be sweet.
Because also if someone said I love you too soon, you think they're crazy. That's a red flag. So I would rather hear I'm falling for you, or I really like you, or I'm really into you.
I think there's a pretty wide gap between I'm crazy about you, I'm really falling for you. I think what it is I'm falling in love with you.
If you're using the L word, then you're using the L word.
That's all they're hearing. By the way, the only the only word in that sentence that your partner is hearing is the L word. If you said to me early on, Chris, i am really falling in love with you, you mean he like, all I've just heard is she's in love with.
Me, and you sound unhinged.
Yeah, we wouldn't be sitting here. It's too early. But and if we had gotten to the point when I did say first I love you, If I had just said that day, that morning, I'm I think I'm falling in love with you.
If you had said that to me, I would have laughed at you. I would have been like, this guy is drinking his own kool aid. He's taking his job way too seriously. It's way too real. What's he going to do next? Hand me a rose apps, a freaking Really.
What if I had said, I really think we are here for the right reasons, and I think I'm falling in love with.
You, I would have said, am I on the show? And I don't know is this?
Would you show up with me while we were still on the road on that trip or would would we have broken up then? Or would you have waited till we got home?
Oh, because any knows, Chris said I love you for the first time when we were on a trip in Mexico. Okay. Oh, if in that moment you'd said, I'm I'm here for the right.
If I had just said, hey, babe, I really think we are both here for the right reasons, and I think I'm falling in love with you. You would have laughed, you just would you.
I would have laughed. I mean I would have known you weren't serious. But if you really were serious, like say, we don'tly had a couple of dates and you said that, I definitely would have ended it. I would have thought, this is some Hollywood ahole who's just you know, getting high on his own supply.
Using terrible lines from his own show.
I mean, I think he does know the difference between real and reality TV. Yeah, and by the way, if you'd I don't know if this had happened, if I'd said some of that stuff. Did you ever date anyone who obviously when you got divorced and you started dating, you were famous at that time, you were the host of The Bachelor. Did women ever like use the lines of the show on you or sort of almost seem like they were acting out the fantasy of being on the show when dating you? And was it scary? No?
But I always wondered if they were wondering that. I always wondered if we would do something normal like go to dinner, Heaven forbid, and I always wondered, are they thinking why didn't he like pick me up in a jet and we didn't fly to Fiji or San Francisco or do something in a hot air balloon. So I did always wonder in the back of their mind, are they thinking really dinner?
It attracted me to you that you were normal in the beginning, Like if you'd started all that stuff from the beginning, I would have found it insincere. Yeah, you did it later, would I, like.
Laura and I do. This isn't just a podcast, this is really my life. I got a text message as you were out of town last night and you said, f Mary kill. Oh.
I like that game. It's the game Shagmry kill and you have to pick like you could say shag Mary kill George Clooney and Matt.
Damon, but you said f Mary kill. The past, the present, the future.
Sometimes I like to pose deep questions over text. I mostly do it when I'm at an airport alone, thinking way too much.
Shagg Mary kill. I love you, I'm falling in love with you. I'm falling for you kill.
I'm falling in love with you, shag I'm falling for you Mary. I love you. Right, that's the only answer that is the correct answer. So you came up with this for the show. Do you remember which season you all started using it?
It was early on. It was very I mean, because we just needed you had to articulate that to the audience. It just made sense.
Did a lead ever want to say I love you and you said you can't say that, but you can say I'm falling in love with you?
Oh? For sure?
Do you remember instances?
Many? There were many that wanted to say Probably Trista was the first one back with Tristan. Ryan would easily have said I love you to Ryan early on because that was a slam dunk. And I think of some others Jojo and Jordan probably, and there's many others I'm forgetting that would have probably said that.
Ben Higgins infamously said I love you too more than one person.
I wish I'd gotten to Ben after that. Uh huh, But yeah, Ben, have.
You seen the show man if I'm falling in love with you?
We ran that back a couple of times, where we did it a couple more times, and I think they took it on. We're like, oh, he said I love you to more than one person.
Did you have to go back and say, Ben, you got to say I love you more than one person now because you've said it to someone.
No, we didn't know that was on him. Yeah, it was really on Ben. He'll admit it. He was actually and I love you Ben. He was really dumb enough to do that and know it was going to be on television. But when he did it, he's like, I'm screwed. I'm so screwed.
Oh my gosh, that you sound just like Ben right now. I feel like Ben does something and he goes, oh, why did I do that? It's kind of his emo.
He's that guy who's like steps in a pile of dog, you know what. And was like, oh, man, But somehow he is so lovable because he's so honest about it. You can't help but like him even more because he just he does. He comes about it so honestly, and he didn't mean to do that. It just it was in his heart and he just said it. And as soon as we heard it, we were like, oh God,
do you realize what just ask me? Yeah, but there have been others and yeah, what we would try to encourage them to do is say something glowing, you know, And a lot of times again was the woman needed to hear something or the man. It depends if it was the bachelor bachelrette, they need to hear something to keep them holding on as well, because it sucks when you're one of twenty five.
Well, here's what I do think is a good takeaway from the show about it all, And let's say everybody put this in your playbook for real. You do have to. There's a fine line. You don't want to have to do it too much, but you have to tell people, even early on in a relationship, I'm into you. That was a huge part of the reason I fell for you. I'll never forget after our very first date, you know, it's our first date. We met for a drink. It
wasn't a he's picking me up situation. It was we're two adults meaning for a drink, We're going to see what happens. But just the simple fact that when I got home, I had a text from you that said, hey, wanted to make sure you got home. Okay. I had a great time tonight. When can I see you again? I remember thinking how refreshing this is a man who just clearly is communicating how he feels. He's not playing
games with me. It's not in a way of it's too much or it's weird, but he's just being clear and assuring me and telling me this is how I felt about tonight, and I'm confident enough to say that without wondering how you're feeling. That was when I thought, Okay, I like this guy.
And you don't have to worry about if they're on the same page, because if they're not, they're not, and you playing a game is not going to put them on the.
Right No, true put yourself out there in the beginning so you don't waste your own time. It's freeing. It's not scary.
It's freeing because if you're both just playing a game, it's going to come out at some point. Better it comes out early than later. Hey, thanks for opening up the playbook with me. I love you, and I think we've done away with I'm falling in love with you, or at least I hope we have, and I hope you've enjoyed today. Tune in next week because we will open up the playbook again. Until then, I'll talk to you next time because we have a lot more to
talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most dramatic pod ever, and make sure to write us a review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.