The Playbook: Indecent Proposal

This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the home office in Austin, Texas, where it is time so once again open up the playbook and today, l Z, we're talking about something we know something about marriage proposals.

Will you've been at a few of those, witnessed a couple?

Well, I've been at a couple myself.

I'm okay, done a couple, a couple.

And then but just seen also see yeah, so literally figuratively, I've been around many, many, many proposals. I have seen them publicly, privately. And that's the topic today. When is it okay? Where is it okay to propose to the person you love? Well?

This started because we saw something on People Magazine's Instagram. They asked the question is it okay to propose at someone else's wedding? And I have heard of people doing this. You know, it's a surprise, you're at your friend's wedding and love is in the air, and you will not it's a surprise for the person, obviously but pre planned. But you propose. I think this is so not okay to propose at someone else's wedding. What is the phrase we all say around a wedding, it's your day, it's

It's the one time where as the paying customer, it's not about your experience.

This is yes, this is not the show for you to watch.

It is about the people. You're going to celebrate. Whatever you can do to celebrate them, make them feel loved happy, do that anything that comes in your little brain that deters from that. It's a very simple litmus test. Will Bob and Mary love this? If the answer is huh, I'm not sure, don't do it. Don't do it?

I mean, well, First of all.

Don't be selfish enough to think that they would love to see you propose and get engaged at their wady.

I mean you've got to be Am I thinking about this wrong? Somebody tell me if I am that?

No, I don't think so, I mean leave your comments because maybe people are like, look, hey, pal, we did this and it was it was great? But was it That's the other thing. Was it in your mind great?

Or did everybody really think it was? Because I got to tell you, people probably aren't going to tell you the truth. They're going to say, oh, yeah, it was so awesome, but then they're going to stay behind your back. That was not that was you bet. If you're doing it, oh my gosh, you better approve it with the Brian and Gruom in advance. It would be interesting to see what they said if they were honest and said no, please don't do that, or if they just tried to

Now let's take this to a little different level, and that is public proposals, I e. At a baseball game on the jumbo tron, or at an NBA basketball game, and I will move to the next one. At a concert like Taylor.

Swift, you've seen a lot of people do.

The era's tour is going on, and obviously there's the famous line in the song how he gets down on one knee and proposes. Guys across the country have been proposing to their significant others at Taylor Swift concerts.

I think, know your audience, maybe this is something really special to you too. You met you know, this was the song you first danced to together. It's your song or something. This artist means a lot to you too. I've seen it be very sweet. I think somebody proposed. I could be wrong, but I think it was at a Harry Styles concert and somehow they got Harry to help, like he was involved in it, and that can be super cool. But I guess I will say I picture

He kneels to the ground and pulls out a ring.

What do you think of the concert proposal?

I've seen it work. Here's my thing is, I don't have a strong opinion one way or the other on this. Very important to know your audience because I have seen some of the women getting proposed to lose their minds. This is clearly their dream. This is probably on their vision board somewhere in their hope chest. And these these women have just burst into tears and.

So wow, hope chest. That was a retrot. Does everybody remember what a hope chest is? I think it was something from like the days of when we had dowries and in your hope chest was supposed to be. Was it all the stuff you would take with you when you got married and moved into your own home.

And all the things that you would hope for. And it's like, you know, now we call it a vision board. But the other thing I think of as the flip side of this for the guy. If you really don't know, you know the rundown the set list for Taylor Swift. You're not sure when is it Marry Me Juliette? What's the name of that song?

I don't know.

I know the chorus is marry Me Juliette. Whatever, But anyway, you have to wait for this song and then is the guy. You got to know when that line is coming out, because you got to be ready to not only get that ring out of your pocket and propose, you got to make sure, as Lauren just said, A, she's in her seat, B she can see you because she's clearly looking at Taylor Swift. A lot of things have to happen to go right. So I'm not against it at all, but man, that's a lot of choreography, And.

Isn't every proposal a lot of choreography? Though? Make sure someone's real for shorting do it all? Actually, let me ask you this, having I don't even know how many proposals you've probably witnessed or been a part of at this point, dozens. What would be a few tips on a good proposal? A few must or a few do not do this tips for proposing.

Wow, again, I think important to know your audience, you know, just because you are a Dodgers fan, a Dallas Cowboys.

Okay, I will tell you with my first marriage, Oh, I should have known that. The the ex mentioned to me at one point like and it was almost like you was testing the waters about me proposing on a jumboach. Oh god me yeah, me, me a theater kid who, for lack of a better word, pretty much hates sports. I should have known then. I kind of laughed it off again, making the mistake then thinking oh, you know,

And that's the thing. And I hate to say this to anybody who's doing the proposing, men or women, but you really want that moment to be about the person you're proposing too. And I know that sounds kind of weird. You're like, Hey, this is just much a part of me in my relationship about.

Something you've shared. I mean it makes if it's a special place for both of them, right, It certainly shouldn't be about what you think would be a cool proposal, like.

I love the Dallas Cowboys. The thought of putting Lauren in a suite or in a football game and putting her up on the jumbo tron, let's take proposal out of it. Just on any given day, it's just a terrible idea. And so I see some of these and it's just like, oh, this is so painful. You're with eighty thousand people, then what do you do enjoy the rest of the game. It's just weird. And so I I just am so against them anyway.

But oh, you're just fully against a jumbo tron.

I am. I'm and I'll just I'll just put it out there. I am against them all together. It's just why are you doing this to us? I'm just here trying to enjoy the game.

Experience.

But look, I understand that there are couples that this is this is what they bond over. So yes, sometimes it does work, just as anywhere else. So I'll give you that the eras tour Taylor Swift doesn't bother me. I won't be such a Scrooge to say publicly, it's just know your person, Okay. Tip number one, yeah, tip number two, you know I don't. I don't really have a tip number two put you on the spot. No, I was just saying, I mean there are I would.

I'd say Tip number two is plan and choreograph in advance.

Well, for sure, I mean I think you kind of have to. I hope that's not everybody does.

And then you're like, oh my gosh, you didn't you think this doesn't happen. One hundred percent of this happens that, especially guys propose. And then the woman looks back and says, you didn't have anyone record it. There are no photos. You didn't have anybody there to take a picture or a video or anything. Think about the time of day. Are we going to be hot, are we going to

I just realized proposals are a lot like having sex. Maybe don't think so much about the act of when it's happening. Think more about how both of you are feeling the second it's over. As soon as it's over, where are you? What can you do to enjoy this.

Month in a minute? You don't think that you're not thinking about how people are if people are happy during sex.

No, you're going to enjoy that moment, right, Everyone's going to enjoy the climax of like, here's a ring, we're getting married. But as soon as it's over, are we now sitting on a sticky stadium floor? Are we now sitting with eighty thousand people we don't know? Are we now stuck on a glacier?

You're saying, think about the aftermath of the proposal.

Think about the aftermath of the proposal, Like the moment we were done with our proposal, we had a beautiful bottle, Yeah we got we had an amazing sunset.

Have you had a dinner reservation?

What is the afterglow like? And maybe I guess that would be my tip is think about it like sex. Sure, you're going to enjoy the act of it, what is the immediate.

Sometimes I don't know what he's gonna say. He just said that would be my tip. Think about it like sex. I mean that's a sentence you just said.

Just the tip.

Oh my gosh, stop, Oh my gosh. Audience doesn't want to hear you this way.

Lauren is sweating, Laura is sweating.

This I feel as awkward as if I just said as if I just said no to a proposal.

But it is definitely I think, to get back to the very beginning of this, A no no at someone else's wedding. I think that's I think that's tantamount to like proposing at a funeral. It's just like, no, it's just not a good time to do it.

Do you think someone's ever proposed at a funeral? Yeah?

Sure?

Gosh, if you please send us people.

Don't have such bad judgment. You just you'd be shocked.

Please send us your bad proposal stories. I would love to hear like things you've witnessed you.

It's probably a girlfriend or a boyfriend or whatever that you're like, I heard this story.

I want to hear the bad proposal stories or someone ever said no one, it was really awkward.

That's a show. By the Let's do an entire show. Please get a hold of us. Go to at the most dramatic pod ever. Give us your a quick synopsis, don't go crazy, and we are going to chase you down. We're going to do a show of the worst proposals ever.

All right, So our tips are one, know your audience, two plan ahead, and three think about the aftermath. I think these are very good tips.

They're great tips, and it's something that you look when you do it a couple of times, multiple times. It changes as you get older, you know. I think when we're younger, we are trying to get to just fulfill this fantasy or just trying to fill this idea of getting engaged, so we're probably worse at it, Like I would probably venture to guess that yours and mine. The first time we went through this was very different than when we went through this together the second time.

I have a question, how involved do you think family should be in proposal engagement moments?

Again, tough call, because what does the person you are proposing to think? Would they want your mom there, their mom there? Sister. Whatever I thought about that with us, I went deep into that. I know you are so close to your family, and I thought, would it be great to have them there at dinner? And I still think it probably would have been a great idea to have them all waiting for at dinner. But I was a little selfish in that I just wanted you to myself, Oh, I.

Think you made the perfect call because we were in Napa and it's a romantic place and we had like a super romantic weekend. But I think it's very sweet when people like propose somewhere locally and then maybe they're like, Okay, we've got a dinner reservation and you go to the restaurant and your whole family's there and you're celebrating.

That's a really fun well, it's funny interesting. We were just in Cabo this last week from my birthday and we were kind of walking down dinner dinner ish time, and we heard some screaming on the beach, joyous screaming, not like there's a shark in the water screaming. There was this joyous screaming, and I realized what had happened was there was this kind of cliff and a bunch of people were hiding behind this cliff. Clearly they had been waiting for a proposal. We couldn't see because the

To know your audience? What is your person like? What are they into?

I knew you a not public and I'm not a public person either, so that was also on me, the two of us. We don't want it. We wouldn't have wanted to do it at a restaurant in the middle of dinner a tink tink or whatever. Obviously sports is out of the question, but you know, at the theater, like, okay, you're you're theater and I'd take you to Harry Potter on Broadway. Still not the place of the time to do it.

No, I think what I loved about when we got engaged was that the whole moment was about that. It

So when you've become all of a sudden, you went from everything being about you and you're still being celebrated, but you've become a host. Now you're hosting everybody. Oh, when your friends are there, when family's there, and so now immediately you're just telling stories that you probably don't want to be telling about. Oh, tell me about the

Are there any other places you should never propose?

I mean, like you said the funeral?

Oh you said that.

At work? That's a bit. It seems like a really bad place.

Oh yeah, where'd you propose? Conference room?

By via zoom? What do you think about holidays? Oh, proposing on Christmas? Proposing on New Year's is a big one. I think a lot of people want to propose at midnight on New Year's I'm kind of into that. That's okay, you are outcome. Oh no, I just I see it. I see the flipping of a page a new chapter. You know, something you'll always remember is proposing at midnight. We were in Times Square.

We'll be honest. I don't like it. Here's why. Okay, whether you propose, we're getting or get married on a holiday. And again, I'm sure people have had great experiences, so shoot me a DM about it. But you do run into the problem of your anniversary, and your memory of that thing is always tied into the other thing. Like if you get married at New Year's then your anniversary is always on New Year's and you're never separating it

But you know, and I'm sure there are plenty of people that would wrap up a gift, you know, and you open it up and it's a ring ah clever, and so I tread I tread lightly in that area. But I just was wondering your thoughts on you know, and look, maybe there's other holidays. Do it on Groundhog Day, do it on ourbor Day. These are days you're not going to have to worry too much about in the future. But I think at the end of the day, the biggest takeaway know that person, Make it about that person.