This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you and today is a very interesting topic.
We've been debating what to call this episode Laughing through a Funeral, the Silver Linings of Death, Joy in the Darkness? How do you appropriately title it? Basically, what's happened? Everybody is and we've been a little quiet on social media for the past week or so. We've been dealing with some family stuff.
Chris Harrison's uncle, Yeah, Uncle Ken, My uncle Ken passed away and he had been sick for quite some time, and so we knew the end was drawing near, and it has and so we lost our uncle and Ken. By the way, before we jump into kind of what we're going to talk about today, I'd love to give him a shout out, just because he meant so much to all of us, not only as a family, but to the community of Dallas Fort Worth. He owned this my favorite word habitat sariye Kin's man Shop in Dallas, Texas.
It's been around for decades and decades.
If you're in Dallas, the shop is there, run by his son Corey, now alive and thriving, it is where Chris Harrison got his suit and all of his groomsmen suits for our weddings.
And over the years, coolest store throughout the years on The Bachelor of Bacheorette, you saw a lot of Kin's Man Shop clothes on the show, only the good ones. And it was a place that meant a lot to us and a man that meant a lot to us because of spending so much time there. Again, my dad worked there, my uncle worked there other than my uncle Ken, So it was a big family thing. And now I'm really excited my cousin Corey has taken over and the
legacy will continue. And they are alive and well they're at Preston Royal in Dallas. So if you're ever in Dallas, swing by Kins. But Ken passed away. And this is the Jewish side of my family. And it is a very very interesting too. We could break this down into a lot of things. When there is a death in the Jewish family, there is a and this happens in other religions as well, but definitely a big rallying around, families come together. It's what we do, very tribal, and
it's what we did. And the interesting thing that you and I were talking about, is is it okay to almost enjoy some of this stuff?
That was what I think we kept struggling with. Now I will say, of course, the loss of Ken is so sad and sad for his kids is wonderful kids, Corey and Theresa and Daniel. And one beautiful thing about it was they had some time he had been ill, and they also had some time in hospice to make
some beautiful memories with him. And I think anytime there's like this is an extra layer, because the first layer is anytime there's loss, I'm a big believer, like you have to be able to laugh at the tough moments, and you should because when someone's passing, you also wanted to try to celebrate their life. And they shared these great stories of like customers from the store who came to visit Ken and wore the clothes they bought at
the store. Is like just like he was like a designer and laughed and had great times, like their HVAT guy came and visited him because he was so close with everyone he worked with in the community. But the second layer is, can you like find some additional joy in just being around your family.
Yeah. I mean, I'm the youngest of seven grandchildren, so I have six cousins and we all drop everything to be there, and I haven't seen some of them in years. We talk or you know, we find you know, we check in on each other. But the fact that we all came together and I saw my cousins and aunts and my other aunts and uncles, that part, honestly, was lovely. It reminded me of Passover in many ways, of all coming together, which we do, you know, every year for Passover.
And but you know what, but not necessarily if you're being honest, Yeah, we haven't lately here, No, I mean the pandemic effect of that. And since you and I have been together, which is six years now, I've been to one Passover. But the I think what you put in perspective for me, and I've been thinking about this with my own family too. The older everybody gets, the
harder it is to get everybody together. When kids are little, right, they are all on school vacation and they don't have jobs in college and all their own crap going on, so you can kind of gather everybody and that's a beautiful time and a big extended family for kids to play together, and it's easy. But everybody gets older and it gets harder.
Oh, you start adding generations, don't you. You have your say, your grandmother, and then she has kids, and so you have two generations. No big deal, right, Mom's telling the kids what to do. Well, then those kids have kids, right, So now we have three generations. Those kids grow up, they have lives. You have three pretty complicated generations. Well they have kids now the great grandchildren, So now you
have four generations, which we did in this family. That's a lot of moving parts and it's a lot of people, so it is hard to kind of wrangle everybody is. Everyone's going in different directions, and jobs get important at certain times, and we all just have things going on and alive. So there are as you said, there is a silver lining too, when something is so definite, so important that we all just drop everything because it just has to be. There are no excuses, You just drop
it and you all show up. That's what death is. Sadly and happily.
After this couple of days together as a family, I am now on group texts with your cousins that I wasn't on before. You know, well, there's also an element of like I think, when you know, probably when you first got married, everybody's younger and you're kind of integrating into families more so. I didn't. I hadn't even met some of these people. So we're on group text now, and it's.
Different when we were dating, right, you came dating or engaged. Now we're married.
It's that's true too. Your family, Oh my gosh, yeah, I guess now i'm your wife. But I think we were literally all trying to craft the right text after these couple of days were over. Like I found myself doing that, saying like I didn't want to say, I had such a great time with you. It's horrible the loss of a wonderful father and husband, but there is
a beauty. And I think we were all just finally like, Okay, let's just acknowledge we've had a good time together and it's been really good to connect, to reconnect, to learn more about each other, to remember, yeah, share share stories, the beauty of morning.
Yeah, there was crying and there was laughter. It was let you get everything. And I think I guess my takeaway too, is is always you know, as I've gotten older, I've seen plenty of death and people have passed away in our lives. Is that it's whatever you're doing, whatever you're feeling, it's okay. And I'm sure you talk about this at experience camps and you could probably articulate it better. But and I always love your your river metaphor.
Grief is a river. It's always there, always moving, always changing.
Yeah, And so sometimes it is laughter and it's still It's not like Ken wasn't still front of mind for all of us, but there was so much love in the room and so much joy. And don't feel guilty that you are feeling so much joy for enjoying the living. It's you know, I still say, Uncle Ken, you brought us all together. I was grateful. You know, I'm sad you're not here, but Uncle Ken brought us all together. You know that was kind of his maybe his last purpose or his last gift to all of us, was
this gathering that we all had. And so I allowed myself to enjoy being with those people I love as well as think about and more. And it made me think about you know, you more and your dad, and I know you got to talk about your dad more. And that was an interesting thing that you get to share more about your own grief and things that people you've lost through this.
Yeah, I mean a big thing I say about grief is like, keep talking about the person, and if you know someone who's lost, somebody ask about that person they've lost. Like, I want to still share stories about my dad, but because he's dead, nobody asks about him. Nobody's like, how's your dad? He's dead, So you have to keep those stories alive for yourself to honor the memory of the person. And yeah, like I found myself getting emotional at different
points because it certainly brings stuff up. I mean, it's it's hard to not think of your own grief when you're at the funeral for somebody's dad. And part of that is a great thing where like I want to kind of share my experience and hopefully help someone in that way. But then I also don't want to make it about me. And you're like walking that line a lot.
I have a question for you. Yeah, so someone who's unfortunately experienced this, obviously, there is the onslaught of love right as someone passes away, Right, there's that first week, lots of food, lots of casse roles, lots of visits. You know, we're all sitting shiver, we're all together, but then there's the we all go back to our lives. So what I'm asking you is, what is the proper check in you know, times, how often? What should we.
Be difficult answer about this is forever, right, but ever, you know, But but let me give you some tools. But I'm saying like it's a difficult question to answer because the answer is forever. Yeah, my dad had lost his own dad. My dad was twenty eight when his own dad passed. I never met my grandfather. I knew my dad in his forties. He still wanted he was still sad about his dad. You still want to talk
about his dad. And that's you know, more than twenty years later, that your family, your loved ones, are with you forever. So but in terms of actual practical things you can do to support somebody. The second I know someone who's lost somebody, I open my calendar on my phone and I get the information from the obituary. I put in that person's birthday, and I put in also the day that person passed, so that like I can text them on like, hey, note, I know it's your
dad's birthday today. Like I'm thinking of you. I know he's watching over you, like just a nice note of support. If it's Father's Day, I'm going to text the people I know who have lost the dads in their lives because that that's a tough day. Yeah, and that kind of thing. And I think like if the person crosses your mind, reach for your phone and send them a text,
because the little text can really uplift somebody. There's a lot of things about our phones that are rough, but I think one good thing is the ability to show love in an instant.
Because I mean when I say there was you know joy Like, we've lost both our grandparents. Grandmother and grandfather have passed away, my my aunt on that side, my mom's sister has passed away. And what's lovely even in you know, when we're there morning, Ken, we were talking about my grandmother and grandfather. We you know, we were all telling stories about them. You still keep them alive
in that way. My aunt Joyce, you know, we continue to tell stories about her and that will now Ken will be added to that story telling as we get go. And you know, there's now you know they have passed long enough that you have you've gotten over the grief of it all. Not that you're not sad they're gone, but now it's just remembering these great stories about them and how they still to this day even though they're gone, teach us.
Yeah, I mean, I think my big takeaway from this experience is just that, like, it's so k to find light in the darkest of times. And I think I just kind of quoted Albus Dumbledore for Mary Potter on that. As I think about it, I believe the quote from him is in the darkest of like one only needs to look for the light. But like but like you like feel okay about that that you have the green light to do that that because the truth is, this is not a fixable problem. And I said that to
one of your cousins this week. You cannot fix this, You cannot solve this, you can't reason it away, you can't work hard at it to make it better. This person is gone, Yeah, and the pain is there. So give yourself the okay to find a little joy, to find a little laughter, like because you have to, or you're just sitting in that grief, you know. And I'm a believer that sometimes these big moments, I mean, you
got all your crazy family together. This is where you're going to find some of the funniest trap you know.
Someone always does something it's just funny, you know, because death brings out the most awkward in many of us. Yes, you know, you're not sure. What's like, what do I do with my hands? It's like what do I say? And yeah, I guess I'll just bring the weirdest fruit casse role over. You know, you don't know what to take you.
One of the discussions this week was the urn like your mom bless her was like, it is so crazy with their their charging for these urns, and God blessed Mary Beeth Harrison. She had it to my favorite place in the world.
Home Goods. She went to a home goods that's her uncle Ken.
She was going to find and earn at the home goods. Now she was trying to look for the correct type of urn. She knew she needs something that appropriately like suctioned clothes and maybe had some kind of a like a plastic lining around the top, so you know, like lick when you're storing food and it needs to be kept fresh. If we're just really digging into.
It as it may have brought up kind of an inappropriate joke and the thought in my head because Home Goods is famous for, you know, they label everything. So it's like your toothbrush thing says toothbrush.
No, honey, that's not oh honey, that's not Home Goods. That's right done, that's a line that's at Home Goods. But yes, you're right, it's there things calling okay, go.
On, yeah, stuff that says stuff, yes, yeah, the bane of my exit, yeah exactly. It's you're thinking, Yeah, there's just an earner of oz that says uncle.
You know, so we didn't tell you that I'm like Home good Yeah.
They always have stuff that says stuff on it, jewelry, you know, laundry.
It's your like jar for coffee that says coffee.
Yeah, oh my god.
Why don't I bet those need to exist. If they don't, we're going to start a new product line that's so darkly funny. That says uncle, Oh, dad, dad, yes, mom, yeah, yeah.
So it's so find find the light of you know, even in the dark. But it was just something that you know, our family's been going through this week, and if you are going through something similar, God bless you, Laura, and I are thinking about you. Just know that you're not alone in that and allow yourself to feel what it is you are feeling, because we all go through something different and we all look he meant something different to everybody, and you know, some people are closer than others.
And that's okay too, because sometimes I feel you feel weird because you're not feeling as much as the next person is. You see someone crying uncontrollably and you're like, well, I'm not feeling that. I feel I feel guilty.
Is that how you feel?
No, But I you know you can do that at funerals when you're like, well I'm not I'm not feeling this emotion that you're feeling right now, so should I be? You know what I mean? Like, sometimes tears don't come to my eyes the same way and time yours do. So you know it's okay, is what I'm saying. You're going to process it differently, And I.
Would argue like necessary that not everybody feels that all at once. If you're finding yourself in a moment of strength, that's whene's you know, it's like you're in the space for somebody to lean on you or again, you know, laugh at you like be funny, be stupid. I made some jokes about you and I this week just to try to help lighten the mood. Yes you did, yes, Uh you know. Yeah, I'm married an older guy and
my dad's dead issues. I'm just kidding kind of, But I'm going to try to find and earn for my dad that says dad on it, because right now he's in a box. Yeah.
And I'm going to get off this podcast today and go text my cousins before I go. Elsie, thank you for your insight, because I mean one thing I do always lean on you, and whether it's good or bad, is you. You do have such great insight and being so much death, so much death experience.
It's doctorate and death.
But I leave you with uh a shout out to Uncle Ken, someone who meant a lot to me. He was a great dad, good husband, a phenomenal uncle, and a legend in the DFW area. For those of you that stop by the store, I mean everybody who went. You were Kin's best friend, and there was I always admire people who make people feel like they're the only ones in the world, and he had that great gift to make everybody laugh and to feel loved. And uh,
what a great legacy leave behind. So my love to Ken rest in peace, and to all of you, we love you. Thanks for listening, and we'll do it again next time because we have a lot more to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most dramatic pod ever and make sure to write us a review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.