This is the most dramatic podcast ever, and iHeartRadio podcast. Chris Harrison and Laura Zema comedy You from the home office in Austin, Texas, And today I'm excited about this episode because Elsie, we haven't done this in a while, and that is Q and a Q and Hey, Q and Hay, shardon Hey. We take your questions which we have gathered and.
Pay thank you for getting right into shardon Hay.
Jesse.
You almost did that like a reflex. I don't know why. I love If anybody watched the show, I did Roses and Rose. I love Rose, I love Shardonay, but I really like to say them with a little hey at the end. I've always said if we ever had a boat, and I don't want to both, but I'd name it the shardon Hey. Well, let's get into some very not stupid good questions. So Q and a Q and Hey today and we are taking questions from you all that you sent into us via Instagram at the most dramatic
pod ever. Thank you for sending them. And I haven't seen any of them. Chris Harrison has them, so my actions are going to be real in real time.
But you know what's funny is the questions. We've done this Q and A a few times, and they were very generic as we started and people were getting to know us together, and clearly people know we're about to get married. So I feel like these questions have gotten very personal. Oh so they're very good. I mean they're very but they seem very specific to us, but something we can all relate to.
Great. I love it people doing their research.
So Jojo, I don't think it's Jojo Fletcher or Jojo Rodgers. I guess has has reached out and says, do you think it's important for separate bank accounts? Ooh for a couple to have separate bank accounts, have your own money?
I can should I be in.
Yes, Yeah, you should have an opinion on this.
We've never discussed this.
No, we should right now happening live and if we break up, we're going to edit this.
I do. I think it's very couple dependent, and I do not think it is necessary to have separate bank accounts. I do think it's nestssary to have access to your own finances in a way where it's not that the partner is controlling everything and you're totally unaware of what's happening. I actually have a friend who she's still married to this guy, and it's been tough on our friendship. It's kind of I've had to pull back on our friendship a little bit because I'm sort of so concerned about
this marriage. Various things concerned me, But one thing that concerned me was he would not if she is not allowed her own credit card in any way, and she has a debit card, but he controls how much money gets put on it, and like if she's out, he kind of scolds her and says, like, what were you spending it on? And you know, I just said to her, babe, it scares me that if you needed to, you couldn't like buy a plane ticket on your own. Like that
was kind of my barometer. If you can't get yourself somewhere with like a card and you've got your own money to do it, that's a little scary. So I fear the control. And I also fear if one partner has zero idea of the finances of the partnership. I think that's a dangerous place to be.
My advice, Jojo be it's okay to be dependent. One may be dependent on the other because there's a stay at home dad, stay at home mom, whatever. So it's okay to be dependent on someone, but I think it's very important to be independent no matter what. And what I mean by that is a little bit of what Elz is saying right now. I'll be honest. We don't have a mutual account, but LZ and I know exactly what's in each other's accounts. We're very accountable, and we're
very open and transparent about very accountable, very accountable. But it's important I think that we know what the financial picture is for so many reasons. So you live within your means, so you know what's going on, and you can see problems that you know ahead of time. You
can help each other. So I think it's okay to be independent, keep your independence, but it's important to understand and I think I have taught my daughter and my son to always be accountable, to always understand what's going on in your finances so the rug is not pulled out from under you.
Yeah. I mean, I know people who a partner has suddenly died and they had no idea how to access things, and they were totally lost, and it's very overwhelming. I know people who turns out their partner was in secret gambling all the money away and they didn't realize they were broke. Like I just think you have to be as open as possible and feel like you're both just aware of the situation.
They're responsible conversations you need to have and sometimes they can be sensitive. Sometimes it's emotional because money does that to people, even within relationships.
Wow, will we get a joint account we get married.
I don't think we need one, but I think we can if you want one.
I don't know. I'm like feeling I'm good to go.
You're good.
I'm also very I will say.
Again, I think it's just important to understand where the money is, who has it? You know there is a flow should anybody need it. That's the most important thing.
Agreed, I accounted for Hannah.
How would you handle a friend or family member who doesn't like your partner, that's as a wedding is coming up on the horizon.
My family hates Chris, your family kind of likes me.
Luckily we are in the camp of our families love each other and love us.
So but have you ever been in that situation? And so what did you do? Because I'll be honest, I've never really been in that situation.
Here's the thing at the end of the day, and I'll take this, you know, out of my family so I don't get anybody in trouble. But I've run into this before. And my advice to people is this, All you can say is your piece. One time. You can explain to your brother, sister, cousin, best friend. One time, Hey, Lauren, you know, maybe I'm not seeing what you're seeing in Chris. You know, maybe I just want to say, you don't have to do this. If you want to get in the car and get out of here, I have the
car running. If you tell me you love Chris and that you see something I don't, et cetera, this will be the last time we talk about it. And I love you. And if you marry this person, they're my family too. You get one take at this. That's it.
Well, I totally agree. And also like, once you've said your piece, the thing is the person's heard you and they're going to do what they want to do, right, And so if you keep repeating it and you say you don't like them, then you're creating toxicity.
It's not that they didn't hear you the first time I've.
Said it before. No one in the history of time has ever broken up with someone because their family told them to. They got to come to it in their own time. But I think this question, if I may go back, and that was very good advice, But is this question asking what you do personally if you are dating someone your family doesn't.
It, just as how would you handle a friend or family member who doesn't like your partner?
Okay, well, so you were in that situation you gave the advice on when you didn't like your family member's person, But you were also in the situation where you dated someone and your family did not like the person you were dating. What were you aware of it? And if so, what did you do in that moment? Did you take it seriously? Did you discount it?
What I would have respected? Because there was someone I dated there where my friends especially didn't love her and didn't did they tell you?
Were you aware?
No? That's the thing is Here's the thing is I look back, I realized they kind of ghosted me a little bit. There were times when we'd be on the road or whatever and they're like, oh, yeah, we avoided you like the plague. They told me this later, and I'm like, hey, man, like, why didn't y'all say something? And of course the obvious answer is, you know, you don't want to make people choose sides. You don't want
to cause problems. So I get that, But at the same time, I wish they had respectfully just pulled me aside and say, hey, I'm going to say this once I don't see what you say.
Yeah, I think you should say it. I will in my I had a past relationship where yeah, I should have. I let me clarify my earlier statement. I've never been in this situation where I knew my friends and family didn't like the person I also found out later, and I wish they would have said something, But I also know if they'd said something, I don't think it would have made a difference.
And you know now they think about it. I feel like a hypocrite because I had a phone call yesterday with someone I really love and they just went through a breakup. And it's something It's something I felt long before. It's when they were dating, and I never said anything to them while they were dating.
M h.
I said it yesterday on the phone call, thankes. So I'm a hypocrite. I need to start taking some of my own advice. I advocate I should have said something.
We should have sayd that I would advocate and say, if you think there's an issue in your friend or family member's relationship with their partner, you should say something. But like you said, say it one time. Yeah, but yeah you have you have to say it for them, and you have to say it so you can put your head on your pillow at night and.
Not to go too deep on all these layers. But it is difficult too. When someone's just dating. You're like, well, we'll see if this is even yeah, and then it's like.
Oh, cra by the way, not to go do deep. That's literally the point of this podcast.
You're going to You're going deep.
Okay, what's next?
Connor Gentlemen says, are sparks a thing? How many dates should you give it for sparks to fly?
Oh? Sparks butterflies?
Yeah? I love it first sight? That immediate?
Do you believe in love it first sight?
I believe it a crush and a heavy, heavy crush, and then later you can look back and be like, yeah, I knew, Like honestly, that's how I felt with you, like I knew it was different right away. I knew, and you know, I can look back in hindsight and be like.
But you mean our first date. I mean we worked together for years before. I don't think we had that right.
We worked the first time you and I intimately went out with the object of this is romantic.
I'm saying I don't believe in love at first sight. I've heard stories from people before who say, Oh, she walked in and I looked and said, that's the woman I'm going to marry. I don't know if that's that you like knew, or if then your mind just manifested that and you were like, okay, this is and then you went with it. You know what came first, the chicken or the egg. But I do think I believe an incredible attraction at first sight and sparks. How do
you know when to let the sparks fly? I actually have a rule on this. I am an advocate of always giving a second date. I think first dates can be really weird. It's like a job interview. It's awkward. People are nervous, like they can.
Go really great.
But I also know people who had like a disaster of first date and then ended up with that person. I think it's just like you know, I don't know. I'm just saying it's a big, high stake situation, and sometimes people aren't totally themselves because they're very nervous. So I think, if you get through a first date and it seems okay, don't be worried if there aren't.
Sparks, yeah, that you're not madly in love.
Yeah, give it a second date.
Yeah, and see i'd say three dates really yeah.
If I'm not doing.
That, that's not trying to like really salvage something. I'm just saying, if you're not sure, it's okay to give it three dates, If you're really not feeling it after date two or three, then that's a big sign. That's a big red flag.
To me, because I do think for me, even for us, like I thought our first date went really well, yeah.
And there was chemistry and there were sparks.
Yeah, but I still wasn't like probably by you know, the second or third date. Then I then I kind of went home and thought, oh, I really like for me it.
Was after Yeah, definitely had a conversation with some people after date one, but after day two.
Yeah, then I was in restaurant for sure. Yes, Then I was like, oh, I really like him. And then I actually became more nervous about us dating because then I really liked you well.
And date one, if you remember, we did the modern version of we met at the place.
Yeah, then on day two and day two I picked.
You up, Yes, which is more my speed.
The thing is, I think sparks have to be to a certain extent created.
You should have that excitement, though you should if you're not feeling the excitement.
No, no, totally. But I'm saying like, don't discount someone after the first date if you feel like there's no sparks, because a sparks can happen, Oh you just see someone in a bar and you think they're they're hot.
But also sparks.
Can happen because you've created a connection and an environment, and the sparks can grow from there.
For sure, A good conversation can all of a sudden create.
You can be building that fire.
Don't be so don't succumb to the the movie version of if I'm not feeling this. As soon as we met at the Empire State Building, We're going to take a little bit of a sideways turn here. This is really having to do with you. Oh, this is from Elijah. Not love related, but have to know favorite Harry Potter character.
Oh why gosh.
Please don't make this an hour long answer.
I will just go with my gut, which is what I always It's very difficult.
Okay, my gut is choosing your favorite child.
I'm doing my annual re listen. I re listened to.
The books everywhere. This is Elijah. This is perfect timing.
I'm on my favorite book right now, which is Book four, Gobblet of Fire. I always re listen in the fall through the holidays because it's the perfect festive listen. I can't take too much time with this. He's looking at me. Okay, my gut instinct answer is Dobby. I love Dobby the elf. Chris is looking at me confused.
Really no, no, I know, I know who that is, but I'm just that's not one of the main characters. It's not one of the main actors. It's why why Now I have to follow up why?
Because Dobby is so heartbreakingly like sweet and funny, and you kind of get all the emotions from Dobby. You're rooting for Dobby you're laughing.
You're gonna ask a stupid Harry Potter question. Potterheads don't come at me. Is Dobby in all the books? Okay, so don't you know, don't don't don't no spoiler alerts of where Dobby goes away, but Dobby is at least through book four because that's where you.
Are spoiler alert. It's like it's been out so long. They're talking about making a new TV series, which I have thoughts on. I could rant about that. I don't think we should just be recycling the material. Why are we doing a Harry Potter TV series Because it's lazy and so they're just trying to make money and I think they should be doing a Marauder series and doing something more original. But anyway, let's get back to what people got.
Elijah, thank you for bringing up because I learned something today I never knew. Dobby Elena, how do I navigate challenging in laws? Also, how do I not let this cause tension between my husband Andy?
Ooh okay, so I've gotten some good advice about this in the past, so I will repeat the advice that I was told years ago, which was one when it comes to your parents and in laws, be very careful what you share because I do think that people have like that's family, you know, and like say with your own parents. I think if you get in a fight with your spouse, your parents might be you might forgive
your spouse more quickly than your parent does. I think be careful with your in laws on like what you're saying about their child. Even if you feel comfortable with them, they it's still that's their kid. And then another portion of that piece of advice was, look, even if this person is driving you nuts, if your partner knows that
their parent is wild, then just let it go. Try not to repeat it and feed into it because they know, you know, they know, And what are they going to do, like not stop talking to their mom or their dad. It's not going to happen. So navigate it together. And I think it's a tougher situation. And I have some friends who maybe mom is why and their husband like is totally lacking an awareness and like things mom among the moon And that's a tough situation.
Well, and it's you know, hopefully you can have a discussion. It's I know, it's a tough thing because if we are sensitive about anything. It's coming after our moms or dads. So that's a difficult conversation to have. But if you can set some boundaries, I mean, for if they don't live near you, it's hey, let's all just keep in perspective the fact that this is like one two three percent of our time. We deal with it when we
have to. It's like dealing with an X. But sometimes moms, dads, in laws have to live near you with you, so that makes it a little bit tougher.
I think boundaries and creating successful situations are important. Like I do think it's okay no matter how tough your in law is to draw a boundary, like they can't come over to your house any time they want for
you know, without telling you. I also think that you can create in any relationship a successful situation, like if you know you're in your mother in law loves to shop and she kind of drives you crazy, offer to take her shopping for an hour and that should like fill a bucket for a little bit and it'll hopefully be hur at her best. And then I also think I find it in any situation it helps to be like vulnerable yourself, Like if you think that your partner
doesn't see some issues that their parents have. I would share like issues that you think about your own parents and see if you being open inspires them to open up, and then two morek and then through that you can get on the same page about the parent.
Interesting question here from Jacqueline. I'm interested to get your reaction. Is it okay for your partner to tell you that they prefer you without makeup?
Oh? Well, it sounds like a nice thing to say, doesn't it? Like I love you?
Yes, I have. I have a theory about this, as I wanted to hear you should I go first, go for it? So Jacqueline, and I don't mean this to be roal fod And maybe this doesn't pertain to you, but if somebody says I prefer you with less makeup or without makeup, maybe it just means they don't love the way you do your makeup. I saw this on The Bachelor and Bacherette for twenty years, left to our own devices, we're not always great at doing our own
makeup and hair and all those things there. You know, for a long time, you know, people ask me on the show did you dress these people? Did you do there? The first night, we really wanted to leave the women to their own devices because it's important to see where they are, where they're from, they're going to dress kind of I'm from the South, I'm from New York, I'm from San Francis.
To be themselves genuinely, not a TV change of themselves.
But oftentimes the idea of makeup for people is more is more, and especially when they think they're going to be on TV or whatever. So, you know, Jacqueline, again, I'm not saying specifically, I don't know you, and so I don't know if this is for you, but I think sometimes maybe a partner's trying to say, you know, maybe a little less or maybe like go to the department store and maybe get a tutorial. Maybe you know, the bright, bright red lipstick you wear every single day is a lot.
Maybe you say back to them, why.
Yeah, that's just soay? Yeah, what is there anything interesting? That's a good point.
I never thought about it.
Yeah, So, I you know, maybe this person's trying to say something else, and Lauren's right, what you should say back to them is say, hey, just tell me, is there anything specific? Because I kind of would like to look good for you and with you. So if there's something that bugs you, please tell me. All right on to the next that's a tough one. You nailed it, Wendy. How do you feel this will be a quick one. How do you feel about women being called cougars when they date younger men? Not a fair li.
Yeah, not a I mean, not a fan. It's with anything. I guess it depends on the way you're saying it, like if it's kind of funny or affectionate. But I don't love it because I do think inherently it has this negative connotation, and it seems generally to be more accepted by society for men to day younger women than it is for women today younger men.
Renee asked, how did you navigate integrating into the lives of Chris's kids.
Well, I mean We've talked a lot about this before, but just the literal integration into their daily lives. I think that I really tried to like find out what their likes and interests were, honestly, Like I would try to talk to Josh about Star Wars because I knew he was into Star Wars. I didn't know all his video games, but I'm a Star Wars fan, so I
tried to connect with him on that. Taylor was, you know, a teenage girl in high school, so I talked to her about crushes she had and also I just tried to Yeah. I mean it was like about putting them first, like what their interests were in their activities where I remember Taylor had her driver, was getting her permit, so I said, like, I'll help you learn to drive, or she and I both love coffee, so we go get coffee. Yeah, I guess that was it. I think you're never in
any relationship with anybody. You're going to create a relationship if you ask that person about themselves and show interest in what they're interested in.
So true, but just great advice in general. Yeah, this is interesting and I think I know the answer for you, but I need to find out. Paige says, have either of you ever gone on a date or had a crush with someone from the Bachelor franchise?
Well, me with you.
I think what they're saying is outside of each other.
Oh no, I never dated or had a crush on anyone else in the franchise.
I did, and I have multiple dates, multiple crushes. This is when they were single with Wells and ben true love them in very different ways. And I guess I could throw Bob Guiney and Andrew Firestone in there too.
God, you've done so many that's so many affairs.
One more serious one was Lauren intimidated or nervous to meet my ex wife.
I'm sure I was probably a little nervous.
Definitely not intimidated.
Well, I mean, I think I've just wanted to go well. I'm a really big believer in like beautiful blended families and build bridges, don't burn them, and I'd rather have love than animosity. So I just really wanted it to go well. I wanted to show her the respect that I knew she was your kid's mom and I and she raised beautiful, wonderful kids, and I wanted to compliment her on that. And yeah, again going back to like in any relationship, show interest in what that person's into
and try to get to know them. So that's all that I wanted to do. But I was probably nervous just because like, that's your kid's mom. I mean, that's a big I certainly didn't want to have a bad relationship, so I wanted it to go well. If you and I were going to be serious that I knew that was going to make life a lot easier.
And I have to just gush a little bit on the job Elsie did with the kid, bridging the gap with the kids, with the X all of it just I mean, just again a masterclass. We've talked about it before, but just so brilliant.
Well, you know, it's I think a lot of it was like I was really raised by my parents to be a bit maybe it's a Midwestern or I don't know, but to be sort of overly, like when you first meet someone, overly ask them questions about themselves. When you are thanking someone, go over the top with the thank you gift in the card, like do It's like it's
better to be overdressed than underdressed. I totally agree, you know so, I think like when I was meeting your ex, for example, and then as our relationship grew, like I sent her stuff on mother I sent her gifts on Mother's Day, or I sent her texts because and by the way, I really do she's an incredible mom. I
wanted her to know that. I think if you praise people and show them love, like I don't know, that's also a great way to keep your side of the street clean and feel good, and then also hopefully it opens them up and makes them vulnerable to show that back.
We just did and you can go back and listen to this podcast with Brian Austin Green and Sharna, and Sharna talked about running into Megan Fox and reaching out to her and just creating that environment in that bridge that hey, I respect you, Stan, You've done a good job. I just want to be a value add here. This isn't a competition because I think immediately we all just
feel competitive. You know, no one's replacing anybody. And I think as soon as you feel like, hey, I just want to bolster what you've already done and it's out of kindness and love, it definitely helps. And then I thought, you know, Sharna talked a lot about that with Megan. I thought it was very very apropos I'll take you out the hot seat and I'll bring it back here. Catherine asked, Chris, I have to ask, how do you feel when people say the show is not the same
without you? Does that make you happy? You know, it's it doesn't make me happy or sad, honestly, Catherine, It well, that's not true. I guess it makes me feel appreciated. It makes me feel loved, and I appreciate when people do say that. I know where it comes from, and I do. I do hear that a lot. It makes me feel like we had because I always felt like we had a connection for twenty years. It's a relationship that I worked on really hard with all of you, and it meant a lot to me. And I tried
to be very transparent. You know, I knew I was doing a show, and sometimes I kind of needed to mislead you so it'd be more entertaining or exciting. But at the same time, I tried to be very honest, and when I was doing interviews, I tried to ask the question that I thought you were screaming and yelling from your couch. And so when people come up to me and say we miss you, I miss you, I miss your voice. You know, we grew up with you. You were there when I bonded with my mom or whatever
those stories are that I hear so often. That definitely warms my heart because it makes me feel like that relationship that was so important to me was also important to you, if that makes sense. And here's an interesting one a noon as an anonymous Oh, you've mentioned Call Her Daddy on the podcast to Call Her Daddy podcast? Would you ever be a guest on Call Her Daddy if they ever asked you? Are you open when it comes to talking about sex? So for sure I would
go on their podcast if they asked me. It's fun. I think they do a great job. I think it hits their target audience, and they're really good. I always respect anybody who's good at what they do and creating a show and hitting their audience and really driving. I always pay attention to what other hosts are doing. So if anyway, if I ever got asked to do Call Her Daddy, for sure. The sex thing is interesting. I don't mind talking about sexual things. I'm not embarrassed by
it or whatever. I am old school when it comes to talking about sex between the woman I love and I I'm not open about them.
That's such a good point. And you and I have talked about this before because I was just sort of as I was listening to you, I'm picturing what would I say to this. I I'm pretty openly talk about sex with my friends. I don't know if I would with like the whole world, and I think especially, yeah, there's something about your relationship when it's your partner. For me anyway, it's maybe just this respect thing or that
that's intimate and just for us. I would sort of be more open to talking about my past than I would me too.
Yeah, present totally and if I could speak in generalities about things, and I would.
Never name someone specific. I don't love what people like go on podcasts and like I know is.
To get to out people. It's like, yeah, you don't get to do that, just because I think information is power and it's powerful and it needs to be used very carefully. And this comes from someone who kept secrets for twenty years about the show they were hosting. In that my whole life with secrets, I think it's important that people can trust you and value that, so, you know, it would be difficult. I agree, it would be easier
to talk about my past. I'm you know, if someone said, hey, what is Lauren like, you know, what are the things she really likes in bed? It's like, I'm never going to talk about that.
It feels weird.
Yeah, it's like that's none of your damn business. That's between you know, Laura and I.
You know, it's going to be really exciting for us to have sex the first time on the wedding line.
I can't wait. I've heard so many good things about it. You know. It kind of reminds me about Howard Stern. Howard Stern is someone I really admire as a host. And I know some people might be like, are you kidding me? But whether you love him or hate him, and that's I think that's a good thing about having a visceral reaction to somebody. He is genius at what he does. He created a niche he filled a hole, and he's one of the best interviewers of our time.
Whether you love or hate him, you have to understand the power he's had in our world. And I've always thought about sitting down with him. He was a huge Bacher fan. Maybe he still is. I don't know if he talks about the show, but he used to be a massive, massive Bacher fan, and I always thought about going on his show. But I was always reluctant because I think I know the interview Howard would want, and also the interview Howard deserves, and I don't know if I can give him that.
What do you mean like revealing stuff about the franchise.
Yeah, revealing stuff about the franchise. He'd probably get a little sexual. He'd probably get, you know. And I just there's certain things I won't talk about. Again. I'm not going to go, you know, talk about Ben Higgins and Sean Lowe. I just you know, if I knew some dirt about them, I'm not just going to bury those guys because I think it would make a good clickbait
headline and make me popular. So I always was. And again Howard has not asked me, but I would be reluctant because I would be afraid I would let him down. And the last thing I would want to do is not give Howard Stern the interview that he deserves because he's so good and I wouldn't want to suck it. Kind of reminds me of David Letterman. You know, I've done Kimmel a bunch, I've done a million talk shows,
and you can kind of get through those. But there's certain people that I would not want to let down.
So I remember Larry King was on your bucket list, and you did Larry I did Larry.
King, although on one time I sat down with Larry King, which was a highlight before he passed away. It was a dream. It was everything I wanted because he's also one of the great interviewers of our time. And then Dennis Miller was filling in for Larry King when I went on the second time, Big Dennis Miller fan and that was very interesting as well.
Let's pipe in with this one because somebody DMed me this just asking for my advice, and I said, wow, this is so interesting. Can I bring it to the pod? And she said yes, So she DMed me, I wanted to ask your advice. I'm a thirty three year old single woman who someday wants kids, so she's thinking about relationships. But she said, I just went through a really traumatic breakup with the person I thought was my forever person. I have made my peace with waiting for the right
person to come into my life. But my family is saying the most hurtful things. They're saying I'm the problem. I'm probably crazy, asking me what did I do. Even one person said to me that I can't keep a man.
Oh yikes.
She said, I'm really questioning my worth and my value because of this breakup, and this is making it even worse and destroying me. What do I do?
Shall I go first?
Go for it?
Does this person have a name?
Christine?
Christine number one. Give yourself some grace and give yourself some time trying to find answers immediately when anything traumatic has happened in your life, whether you've lost somebody, broken up, whatever it is, lost a job, Trying to find an answer the next day or that night is impossible. Give yourself a little time and a little grace. Take a deep breath, Go find your happy place, go paddleboarding, go hiking,
whatever it is that takes you away from things. Read a book, go go into your defense mechanism for a little bit. Do some self care, take care of yourself. You need to heal when the shock wears off. I do think it's important to look in the mirror and take some self stock of because it's easy for us
to say, oh, she did this, he was that. But I think it's always important that it's it's there's always it takes two to tango, and so it is important to look in the mirror and where there are things that you overlooked, Where the red flags you overlooked, Where are there things that you are doing in your life, or maybe things habits you have or things that are driving a wedge between you and the people you love.
So I think it is healthy to look inside, but be careful about those demonstrative statements of you can't keep a man. I mean, you know, what did you do? You know the blame game, and that is quite silly to me, and that's very superficial. And I'm sorry you have people in your life that would say.
Yeah, I'm sorry that your family is saying that, and I just I'm yes, I'm sorry that your family is saying that. And I I think at the end of the day, nobody knows what's going on in a relationship other than the two people who are really in it. So important, I think you just need to be really if you haven't, you need to be really clear with your family and say what you're saying is not helping me right now. You're saying it too bluntly. It's not productive.
If you want to really, like have a deep conversation with me, I would love that because I have value your opinion. But you're actually hurting me. I found with my own family, Like, if you say you're hurting me right now, if that family member loves you, they do they take a step back real quick, or just say they calm down real quick.
Yeah, the way you're saying that I can't keep a man, can we have a real conversation of do you think there's things in my life that are causing this?
Like feel like that person also needs to have a real conversation about why they think it should be whether a woman can quote keep a man.
And here's the thing too, when people are so demonstrative and they're so emotional, and it sucks for you because Christine, this just happened to you, so you're the one going through this, Yet you have to console people. Maybe these people really loved the person you were with and they're just they're upset too, and they're just kind of firing from the hip because they're emotional about it. It's not fair, it's not right. But maybe also give them a minute because maybe they're just upset.
Yeah, you might want to pull back. I mean, look, sometimes relationships ebb and flow. You don't have to be in constant contact with certain family members all the time. Sometimes we need a little break from people.
Let's end on this one. As our wedding approaches It's a very good question, and that is when did you know you were the one? When did you know I was the one? Was there a moment?
Wow? This is a hard question.
I know it's kind of interesting.
Do you know that your answer, I don't.
Think there was ever that one flip of the switch as opposed to a steady assent.
I was going to say the exact same thing. It's hard because I think people want to know what was that moment because everyone hopes for that moment. We all hope for that clarity and relationship.
I mean, I can tell you the moment where I thought I if I go back to that spark plug moment, but I still wouldn't have if you had stopped me and interviewed me in a reality TV moment of in the moment interview, I wouldn't have said I'm probably gonna marry her.
Oh wait, which moment?
Uh? In the parking lot after our first.
Date, what when I kissed you? Yes, you knew from the kiss.
It wasn't the kiss. It was the conversation we had had for probably two hours leading up to that, and then the brief conversation we had in the parking lot that led to the first kiss where I'm like, Okay, she's different. She's different than anyone I've ever dated before.
What did we say that conversation?
We just had a conversation if we were going to do this.
Oh and did go out again?
Yeah? Not have sex. We did not have sex. I don't know if you remember we did not want sex our first date.
No, we didn't.
And by the way, we drove separately and went home separately, Yes we did.
And I do recommend that, Actually.
Yes, I do too.
I think when you bring up I'm not a like, listen, I'm not like, wait for this or you have to wait a long time. But I don't think sex on the first date is a good idea. I think you get physical too quickly and it sort of over states the connection, you.
Know, what, I think is fun and great texting afterwards or calling them afterwards, being excited of what you may have just discovered, like all that stuff.
So I do think there were things on our first date, for sure, that made me new I was potentially very interested in you, like, and it was sort of simple things like the fact that when we got home we drove separately. You texted me and asked if I was you got home okay, and you right away said like, I want to see you again. I thought, I thought, oh, this guy's different, Like this is a man, like he is making it clear what he wants. He isn't playing games.
I mean, some games are fun. And also, as you just mentioned everybody, I went in for the kiss. I went and kissed Chris Harrison. One of the questions we had earlier was you know, how how do you know when there are sparks? I wanted to find out. I really liked the conversation, and I thought, I'm going to kiss him because A you don't always have to wait
for the kiss. First of all, when you go in for the kiss as the woman, then that kind of puts the control in your hands, which I like, I'm like a big shoot your shot and own your situation.
It's sexy as hell, by the way, thank you.
And then I just wanted to see Okay. I feel like I had good conversation, But do I have a physical connection. I think, especially because we had done interviews for years and I had never felt that attraction in interviews. I thought, I've got to like take this next physical step to see see.
This kiss gonna feel like one of our long interviews or is there going to be a spark here?
Yeah, like did we just do a long interview in this date and was it a date or was in an interview?
I don't know, Eli, it felt different, yes.
But I agree with you that it was such a steady progression. I think honestly, I think I don't have a time point when it happened, but I know the reason in large part that I knew you were the one, I mean, all of your qualities, But a huge part of it has been that our relationship has always been easy, that that natural, steady progression did happen Like this whole time that we've been together, We've never questioned. We've never ever questioned like should we break up? Is this going right?
I've never questioned is this guy the right guy?
It hasn't been a roller coaster ride where either one of us have had to be like, well, she's not this, but she's this red flats.
So I think that that the fact that there's never been questions like that.
And that's not to say we don't fight. It's not to say we don't disagree, Lauren does. There's many times I've been wrong, but I appreciate that, and I think we both agree. Thank you so much for your questions, Elsie, think you for your answers. Love hearing from everybody, and I love where these questions have gone. You can tell they've definitely turned and gotten a little bit more serious and a little bit more personal as we've gone along.
Heck, yes, and we love hearing from you all always. I feel thy selfishly like it because these questions kind of make me reflect on our relationship as well, and we can't wait to get married and share all that with you guys too.
And look as I read through some of these questions, a lot of them, many of them come from traumatic moments and breakups and pain. And just know that we love you, we feel you, we can all relate to it. That's what makes listening to this podcast and doing this podcast so helpful. You're not alone, and just know that you are loved and whatever you're going through, this too shall pass. You will get through it and we are right there with you. And take care of yourself. Take
care of yourself. And if you know someone is hurting, reach out to them. As Lauren just said, your words have power and they have meaning, so use them. And choose them carefully. Love you all, Thank you so much, and we'll talk to you again next time because we have a lot more to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most Dramatic Pod Ever, and make sure to write us a review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.