This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast Chris Harrison and Lauren Z mccomedy from the home office in Austin, Texas. If you've just watched our social media We're off to a banging start today. As Lauren has been doing her vocal exercises MEMI one two three, she's living with notes.
Me me one, two, three, four five. I'm not.
I'm supposed to do these vocal exercises four times a day. It's that's the hardest part is to remember. How do you remember to do something four times a day?
Just a spit take there.
Well, well, we'll see you doing four times, Okay.
So here's the thing water.
I don't know.
I just keep saying you're living with notes because I love pitch perfect, but you're actually not living with notes. What is it?
Actually, it's a vocal polyp. And I thought a polyp was like something that grows, you know, like some sort of cancerous Yes. No, but in the vocal world they use the word polyps an injury.
So you're working with a voice coach that's kind of helping you.
Yeah, but I'm not doing well and not doing well with my homework. It's very difficult. I need to think of it as like physical therapy because you've had an injury.
That's right.
I actually worked with three years ago as well. Not the same, but I did the same. I didn't I wasn't living with nodes.
But what were you living with?
I was losing my voice.
I would go, you were living with little mermaid syndrome.
I actually understand that reference.
Of course you do you have a daughter.
No, I would lose my voice from time to time because we're just hosting so much, especially when I was traveling, and then I would get to, like do a show in Vegas. Vegas throat is a real thing because it's so dry there. You're in the desert, smoky. Yeah, you're in terrible you know, parts of air, and so yeah, I would lose I would get very especially Miss America Week.
You're like, uh, okay, questions, why have you not been the one training me?
Because it's like teaching your spouse to play golf. It's a terrible idea.
Wait do you actually think that is a terrible idea?
Oh?
I think it's a horrible idea. It's a great way to get divorced or broken up.
I think you're right, because, by the way, please dms everybody. I would love to know do you think your spouse can teach you a skill? Because I know a lot of I guess women mostly who I've heard say well, I play golf now. I took it up so that, like my husband and I could do something together. And they asked me, do you play golf? And I say I now, But I do respond with I think at that school, you guys want to do something together. For me, Chris and I already do enough together. We work together,
we like all sorts of different socializing together. We talk movies together, so we don't need another together thing. Like golf is your thing and I don't like it, so I'm certainly not going to take it up. But what I don't ask those women is well, is your husband the one teaching you golf?
And I would say, don't do it. There's things when you're parenting and when you're when you're in a relationship that fall into this category. Be the fun, cool person, and when you're parenting you can't always be the fun, cool guy or whatever, but be the supportive person. So when you are learning golf, I would get you a great instructor. You need a different, bad guy different, and then I get to come in at the end and
tell you how great you're doing. Then we get to maybe hit on the range, maybe go play a few holes together, and I get to tell you how great it is and how fun it is. So I'm the fun person in this relationship. I don't want to be the person telling you what you're doing wrong.
I think you're totally right about that, because.
It's like us having sex.
And now that was.
A spit take for me. I don't even know what that meant. That was like a dad joke, but a dirty dad folk.
But no, you're agreed.
You agree though with the golf, Well, I think that when your spouse is teaching you something, it's just really easy to You're gonna you're gonna be frustrated when you're learning golf or learning anything, but probably especially golf, especially golf, and so it's gonna be easy to snap at your spouse, and then your spouse is heard and then doing frustrated.
I am doing what you're telling me exactly.
So the idea of teaching someone golf is only cute for that image that we all have of like a third date in our head, you know, when you're just dating and it's like, oh, help me with my swing.
The girl she acts like she doesn't know.
What he's turns out she's a professional. Yes.
And by the way, this brings us to our first question of the day, because today's episode is actually a Q and A with you the listener, and this comes from Bethany, and I wanted to go to you because Bethany says, my husband has recently taken up golf. Tell me what I need to know to be a golf wife, because wow, you're really good at this.
Do you think I'm a golf wife.
Well, I don't know about that. I don't know what that even means, but I understand what she's talking.
Yes, And I think there's something inherently about that term, Like, Bethany, you don't have to be a golf wife, you know. I certain that just takes away your identity. And I get that it's playful, but I don't think of myself as a golf wife. I do think if you want to be a spouse supporting your partner as they play golf. First of all, I'll be honest, I did it at Edgewood at the celebrity tournament. I walked all eighteen holes with you every day, three days. That's maybe the second
time I've ever done that. I don't think that to be a good golf wife. I don't think you got to be out there for all eighteen holes because you're not going to enjoy that whole time.
It's going to start to well.
That was, by the way, a very special event and tournament, a celebrity event that you were just as much a part of on the daily when I'm here in Austin or whatever. What I love is you, And this goes for not just golf, Bethany, this goes for everything, man, woman, back and forth. We encourage each other's to do our own thing, love, our love, our passions, our hobbies. Courage that.
That's a good point.
Maybe it's your definition of golf wife. What type of golf wife are you? Are you the golf wife who says, go play for four hours, I'll see you later.
Have a great time. I won't text you and.
Enjoy and then you use those four hours, bet you and do what you want to do.
That's a secret. Go to home goods, go to Marshalls.
There's a candle you have time for all.
Three and that's what I like to do.
But I will say, like, look sort of dependent on and I would make these decisions based on the course, the temperature, the weather. Is it sometimes fun to like go out and ride in the cart with you or walk a few holes with you for a little bit, Yes, like we'll do that on vacation and it's fun.
You got a margarita in hand. Just know that you.
Should only engage in the golf if you're going to enjoy it yourself.
Otherwise you'll start to resent the golf.
So don't make yourself go out there and do it just because you think like you have to be there to be supportive. You don't, wouldn't you say, babe, that most men are probably like.
I'm fine with you just letting me golf. You don't have to be part of this. Well.
One of the best things you ever said to me when we first started dating and got married, you said, your thing doesn't need to be my thing. My thing doesn't need to necessarily be your thing. We can respect it, enjoy it from time to time, Like I honestly don't mind going to home goods from time to time. You don't mind coming out to special events. When it has to do with it.
I need to call you out.
All the amount of time that you have spent in home goods compared to the amount of time that I've spent on golf courses with you is vastly, wildly, So okay.
I'm gonna call home Goods out on something. Have events, have cocktail hours, have things where we know, yes, chakuteris a line we walk around home goods.
That's true.
You don't get Maybe if I ever bring you to home Goods, I should give you a snack.
Let's elevate the event and they have food there.
Oh sometimes I'll just open up a snack from the snack round. I'll just seat it.
Absolutely, But I would just say that's some of the best thing is like you respect each other's passion, hobbies and all that, but it doesn't need to become your thing when you get married, when you start dating, you don't have to become the same person. Keeping that individuality, keeping those the separation of church and state is a good thing.
And you know, I was in a relationship in the past with a guy who golfed a lot, and I would say, oh my gosh, you're golfing so much like we need time to do things together. And he would respond with, well, you should come golf with me, And that wasn't fair to me because that's like, well, I don't want to I don't want to have to learn to like this thing that I know I'm not interested in in order to spend time with you. We should have And that should have been a big red flag
for me at that moment. You should have things that you enjoy doing together without one person having to force it upon themselves.
And all these things can go too far.
Now that being said Bethany.
Honestly, at the end of the day, the simplest answer on how to be a good golf wife is make sure there's drinks and snacks and make sure that he knows you need drinks and snacks. Do you remember early on I forget where it was. He might have been at Pebble Beach, you know what, God, where were we? Honestly, it was sometime when like Caitlin and Jason were with us.
We're a Riviera country river area, tiger Wood's kind of ryder cup event, yes, with he and Fred couple.
So we were walking, Caitlyn and Jason were together at the time, and I think you and I were walking with Tiger because your friends with Tiger, and I sort of knew I can't really say anything on this one, like I'm in this and I gotta just be quiet because like he's walking with Tiger.
Was this is a big deal.
But I would say about halfway through, I was like, are there no drinks and snacks anywhere? And I told you later and you were like, Okay, I will never make you go nine holes without a drink and snack break again.
That was an awakening, that was a realization. It was a communication, and it's never happened since, so thank you, Bethany.
I haven't looked at these at all.
We kind of try to go on a little blind so that the answers are natural. But so I'm going to just pick one and go back and let's just back and forth at babe.
Okay, I'm going to ask you.
Mary Anne wants to know, are there any topics you will never talk about on your podcast?
What are the off limits topics?
I think there's there's some things with the show I just don't ever go back to, just because I just never want to be that person. And what are what are personal things I was trying to think of personal.
I think it's not so much topics as like the deep layers of those topics. Like I talk about losing my dad, but there are some things that are like so painful for my family and my family that I like, don't go to those places, or like we might. I might talk about past relationships, but I'm not going to get into specifics about who that person was and that kind of thing, because I want to respect people's privacy. So it's like I don't know, or maybe you made
a sex joke earlier. I feel like we'll talk about our sex life a little bit, but we don't go do deep. You got to keep some things personal.
What's funny is I've thought about this podcast, and you know we always think as producers, Okay, what could you do to elevate it, make it bigger. I know there are podcasts out there where people really go to the crwch they're all in and no pun intended, but you know they'll talk about their sex life. They'll talk about the everything details, the good, the bad, the ugly. I know that could be revelatory and like get big clicks and get headlines It's just not me. It never has
been me. I wasn't that guy when I was hosting. You're not that type of a journalist, and you're not that type of a person. We're not that type of people in our own lives. And I guess my main thing is what you get on the podcast is genuinely who Lauren and I are. We don't joke and talk about that stuff when we're with our friends, so I'm not going to do it here. I guess that's the
thing is I maintain the same level of decorum. And so if you are that kind of shock person in life where you're going to talk about you know, I don't even want to go there, but you know what I mean, then then great, that's you. But that's just that's never been us, So why fake it.
I think there's just that line of like, of course, like we want to connect with you guys, and we love connecting with you, but there's just I think that there's some things and it's different for everybody what your threshold is.
But if you give it all away.
I had someone tell me once, you don't want to give away too many pieces of yourself or you'll have nothing left O interesting, and I thought that that has stuck with me as like a simple but clear way
of looking at it. That as much as I think there's power in sharing and relating to each other, some stuff, it's like, and by the way, there's some stuff I would like only tell my mom, or some stuff I would maybe only share with my best friends, and that kind of keeps those relationships special in a good way.
Yeah, here's a question from Serena that I think is really interesting because I've actually never asked you this. Lz. Out of all the bat I love, everyone just calls you Alzo out of all the bachelors, who is most your type?
Oh my gosh, Well you weren't a bachelor. I guess you were.
You know what is funny about that. I used to say this all the time when I was covering the show. I never found any of the guys attractive. And I don't mean that in like a rude way. I just think there was this wall, and it even was a wall that existed with you and I until we always say we literally luckily kind of ran into each other off of the red carpet and saw each other in
this different way. But I think there was one this wall of like I just always looked at them as in this workplace environment way where I didn't even think about them that way. But two, not to like age myself. I mean, I'm in my mid thirties, but they always all even though some of them were probably older than me, they always felt young to me, like younger than me. I think I felt like, I don't know, maybe not maternal, but like, on the one hand, I had to ask
them deep questions. On the other hand, I think I felt they were trusting me with a lot of vulnerable things they were sharing. So I felt protective of them because I kind of knew a little bit of how the show worked, and I knew how intense it was, and so I tried to be respectful and protective of what I would, you know, how I did interviews and stuff, and maybe I wasn't always successful, but so I just
didn't look at them in that way. Like Ben Higgins was the first bachelor I ever interviewed, and a lot of my friends like Ben was a popular bachelor. A lot of people thought he was cute. Ben seems like a little brother to me, Like I was like, oh, oh, you.
Guys, By the way, y'all have that relationship. In real life, y'all very much have.
That, which I think is why it's great that like we were such great friends with him a jest, because it seems so how like is Ben like sunlike to you or is he? I don't know all of them, you know they've become.
I think Ben and Wells you feel a little more.
Yea, our relationship has evolve in the beginning, when they are the backs of the backs already, well, it changed. That's interesting question. So back in the day, the Bob Guineas Andrew Firestones and all that, I think because I was so new, I felt like I was in my infancy in the show, and I was learning along with them, and we were a lot closer in age. Firestone and I are not that far apart. Bob Ginny and I are very close in age.
I think Bob's the only one who's older than you. Only like a year there was.
The Bass Fisherman Byron Velvick who was older than me. Brad Womax right there with me. So there are a few. But like back in the day, I think my infancy and growing went along with them, and I felt a little closer. But then it became more I was more of a producer slash father figure, taking them under my wing, really trying to help them emotionally and otherwise. And then I would try to advise them after the show and
they would lean on me in that way. Then subsequently, definitely the relationships grew, whether it's like Michelle Money and Mike Weir becoming just really good friends of ours, Ben Higgins Wells, for sure, we've we those Ashley I and Jared I don't know why I still call her Ashley I, but our relationships have grown because they've grown as adults and Jadent Tanner having babies, and Ari and Lauren same thing. Yeah, everybody's grown up in those life phases have hit.
They're also a key to like once the show's over, Literally, once that season was shover and interviews are over, you were able to look at it, Yeah.
Look at different Well we it's kind of like you and I dating. We end up in rel in different situations now where it's not all about them, you know, the spotlight's not one hundred percent on them, and it's reciprocal, and the relationship becomes a little bit more even because my job as host is to take care of you, what's going on with you, And it's one hundred percent about you.
By the way.
That was why and that is why you're such a great host, is because you know that you were. I'm justuting you, but I'm always proud of your skill. You make it look easy, but you made it about the person. You made it about you know, your interviewing them and it's their story, and not every host does that. And it's one of the things that first attracted me to you is how you foster relationships with people like You've maintained and built and grown friendships with all these people
from the show for more than twenty years. And I don't know another host. I literally can't name another host who's who created this phone tree of a family, of a world of friends like you did from the show. And it's very real. And the way that you, I mean you were just when we were at Edgewood, You're texting with Ben and Wells and they're telling you like good job, like great, great shot, buddy.
One of the sweetest moments, like day one, after I got done with Edgwood, one of the first calls I got was from Ben. He had been watching and he's like he knew I didn't have a great day. I didn't have a horrible day. But he's like, hey man, how are you feeling? Just being in the positive number? Like we had this long talk and it would be a good life coach.
She's just very positive.
Came back in the room, You're like, who was that. I was like, I was talking to Bend. It was He's just that suite of a guy. By the way, we kind of skipped over something. Kudos and congratulations and blessings to Ashley and Jared just had their baby boy.
Hayden Cruz. What a cutie, What a cute name.
I well, they texted us and you instantly said love that name. And I instantly said, guys, is that for Hayden Christensen and Tom Cruise. There's such movie buffs and what a cutie, what a great head of hair.
I just love that. I felt so touched that. Then I just adore them both so much.
Ashley, I was one of the first women who I really like interviewed and connected with from the show, and I've just she and I once had a we got together and we grabbed dinner and we were both like talking about being single, and it just makes me so happy where we both are now, and they're just one of the best love stories.
There was a word for most evolved. Its changed, Ashley.
And like a love story that I don't think anyone thought not, but it was like, oh my god, they really did this ever happened?
And then it did. It happened, and then it turned out to be so beautiful and they just had their everybody's healthy little baby, Hayden Ashley doing great. I assumed you're assume great, but congratulations. We send them all our love. That is that was such awesome news this week.
By the way, I think it's I just realized because I was thinking about you in the Ages of the Bachelor's. That really speaks to how the leads got younger over the years, doesn't it. Because when you first started, you were what thirty, yes, and you were the age of the Bachelor's and then some of them were older than you.
Yeah, but I just had my son and then Taylor was born two years into.
It, right, But I'm just talking about your age and like their age, and then over time, so really, from the onset of the show, the lead was thirty year older and then over time it became like twelve, the lead is twenty three, the lead is twenty four. That it's a big difference I still over over time. I actually think that's one of my like still critiques of the show. It wasn't I was covering it and it is now. I think it's more grounded and powerful when the lead is early thirties.
Casting definitely struggled with access to successful people who you know.
Just stopped who oh, who would like have coming out of their career.
The days are undying a Bob Guiney or a Andrew Firestone or someone like you know, we're you know, looking for those diamonds in the rough. That hugely successful thirty something was just harder to get or I don't know, maybe they just stopped trying and they're like, great, let's get a teenager.
Well, younger people have a little more big emotional swings. I'll stick with show stuff, Ernie said Chris. What was one moment while filming The Bachelor the Bachelorette that looking back still makes you absolutely cringe.
There's two moments. One was on a show called Bachelor Pad and it was a short lived game show where paradise came out of this but for a year or two, we did Bachelor Pad and it was so cheap. We shot it literally in the driveway of the mansion you would they lived in the mansion, and then the challenges were outside on the driveway in the summer one hundred and fifty degree heat. It was hilarious how cheap the show was done. But that was the start of it.
That's how it shows start, which is also fun. That's the you know, creative part of TV is when you're starting a cush Yeah.
One thing I learned from working at a startup where I was at before ET was like our CEO taught me and was so smart about don't spend money when you don't have it yet, like start, make the product great, make the idea great, like make it a success basically, and then the money will follow and you can polish it up then.
And at the time, the summer show concept was a leap. It was you know, in the middle of the summer, and that's when that is the death of TV. The network was just like, look, just can you make something that will lead into the fall schedule to try and promote the fall schedule and just kind of using us as a jumping off point and so we created this bachelor pad and it was a quarter of a million dollars on the line in this prisoner's dilemma. But back
to the cringe moment. I lived about six miles from the mansion, a very short drive. It just happened to be that way. I had nothing to do with the mansion. They they chose that in a gore hills. They say, Malibu, it's a gore Hills. I lived in Westlake Village, six miles away. So when I was there all day, especially Bacher Pad, we'd be on set and oftentimes for the bacher or bacherette, the kids would come over, and so
they came. I knew they were coming that day during this challenge in the driveway, the challenge was how long can you hold your significant other? But it was a literal challenge, how long could you hold them? We stripped everybody down into their either their skivvies, bikini.
Do you mean hold like hug or hold up in the air well.
That was the whole thing. Sorry to have it to hold, you know, you know how we did the play on words to have it to hold, but you had to actually hold them. We put them up in a harness hoisted them above the driveway about ten feet in the air over matts, and you had to hold your significant other as long as you possibly could. Okay, so imagine everybody shirtless, sweaty in there, you know, the guys in their trunks, ladies in bikinis, and how you would hold
somebody to stay aloft. You would straddle them and hold on with all your might. So this is happening. We're a few minutes into this challenge, and you're seeing a lot of cracks and crevices and things.
Oh in the air and their underwear.
And I look back is I'm watching this, and I see my children who were young at the time, young Joshua, young Taylor, with eyes wide, and I'm thinking, man, this is going to cost me a lot in therapy. Later they were just like Dad, what because you know, you think about, you know, take dad to work or take the kids to work, and it's like, you're at the accounting firm, you're a teacher, you're a scientist, you're a doctor.
Job.
What does dad do for a living that he's announcing doing play by play for this?
Now, that would be like if your dad was a doctor and you went to work and you walked in on him like exam some.
Yeah, exactly with this, you know, doing a rectal exam.
This is the worst part of that shit. We just walked it out.
So that was a moment where it just I just laughed for I'm like, oh man, how do I even explain this to my kids. The other one was the Jake Pavelka Vienna interview late at night when it just got so awkward and it just dissolved. That was like a real cringe moment.
What were you feeling in that moment?
Oh? It was. It was the Perfect Storm? Do you guys know that that movie The Perfect Storm of George Coloni and Mark Wehlberg on the boat where they they're about to die and then all of a sudden they made it, and the caes are calm and they're excited and exuberant because they didn't make it. They're in the eye of the storm and they realized, oh no, we're just in the eye of the storm. We're about to go through the worst of it. That was the interview.
I thought I had come to this amicable agreement and we made it out where hey, I'll take credit for my part, you take credit for your part. Okay, bygones, let's move on. That's what the whole interview is supposed to be. Then I realized we were just in the eye of the hurricane and the rest of it hit and it just melted down and it got really bad, and so and she stormed off and was crying and I had to chase her down, and Jake was it was really bad. That was a cringe moment.
Well, like. And the thing is, I think a lot of people don't know this about you. You don't love like uncomfortable situations.
I do, and I don't when it comes to television.
I mean I would feel differently on TV.
Yeah, I realized, because I will lean into him like I i in my life. Oddly I don't. But the thing with this one was we probably weren't even going to air this. We'd been shooting all night and then we brought them in. It was like two in the morning or something. And I remember driving home and again, I'm only like five ten minutes from the mansion. I'm driving home and I got a call from an executive. It's like, tell me what happened. I'm like, what do
you mean, what happened? Why are you calling me? At two thirty in the morning and he said, you know, was there any hint of physicality or physical altercation? I was like, Lord, no, God no, and he's like, okay, we got a call that Jake got aggressive, and I said, well, there was yelling, it got very contentious, but in no way was there anything physical at all. Like I wouldn't have stood for it, Big PAULI was right there, you know, there's no way he would have stood for it. There's
no way. But word got out, and I don't know who leaked it, who leaked it on purpose, but we ended up having to show the interview we were never going to show because we had then had to prove that that didn't happen. It was ugly, but that didn't wait.
You were never going to show that interview.
No, because the whole point of the interview was to try and just amicably in this, like, hey, let's just show that this wasn't as bad as it is. And then it dissolved and we're like I walked into the control room and one of the producers said to me, like, we're probably not even going to air this, Like it didn't go like we wanted it to. It just wasn't what they were looking for. They were looking for a resolution not But didn't.
That become And forgive me because I actually wasn't watching the show at this time. I've seen like little clips of this over the years. Didn't that become one of the most stand out, dramatic wild moments in the show's history And it became one.
Of my most iconic quotes where they were yelling about the dogs and I finally just said, nobody cares about the dog, Like, no, the point was nobody, Like, you know, when people are fighting about something, they that's not at all what they're fighting about. They were fighting about this dog or something, and I just remember going, guys, this has nothing to do with the dog. Let's get to what we're really fighting about.
But why on earth would they not air that?
Back then? It was you know, we were really specific about what they were looking for, and that just I guess it wasn't it. And then, of course I think one of the producers, one of the executive producers, probably knew this was gold.
Do you think that changed the trajectory of the show, like what types of stuff you want? You went for? Started airing after.
That, probably because you know, I think, you know, the Jason Mesnik moment with Molly Melissa definitely changed the trajectory. After that was before and then there was the you know that moment with Jake where where you know, Jake was very beloved as about I did very well, and then to kind of show him maybe as a villain. You know, we we would net we usually protected our the franchise star, whoever the Bachelor bacherette was would always be protected. And then it really came to a head
with one Pablo. That was when producers said, the gloves are off. If he's going to go this direction, we're not going to protect him by protected.
Do you mean like you didn't show the reality maybe if maybe if the personality, like maybe.
If somebody said something uh inappropriate, maybe made a gaff on a date, maybe said something dumb, maybe did something dumb, maybe you wouldn't show that, like maybe if they drank too much on a date, and.
Say, because your lead needs to be desirable, yeah.
Like the that's the whole premise, especially early on, was to make it more filtered and more glossy. You know this you have this hero and this Ken doll figure or this Barbie doll figure keep that illusion alive.
Well, And was there also an element of I feel like I'm feeling like when I used to interview you for the show. Was there also an element of if you like threw your lead under the bus, then they're going to turn on you. And you needed them, You needed to be on the sun page.
So I told them, yeah, because once you turned on them, you know again. But usually when you would turn on them would be it.
And I don't really by the way, I don't even really mean throw them under the bus. I mean, right, didn't.
Show exactly who they are?
Well, yeah, I mean it's Look, it's that hard.
Thing too, because nobody's nobody. Look, nobody's perfect, none of us. So if you tape us twenty four to seven, none of our interviews are always going to go well whatever. But here's the exactly Here's what also evolved was you the viewer, and it got to the point where you couldn't hide those things. Social media, the lady started to
speak out. Everybody had a platform, and so you couldn't you know, I hate to say lie, but you couldn't fabricate things as well as you produce them over Yeah, it's it was a lot harder to gloss over anything because you all demanded it. You all became so much smarter as viewers. And that is where I think reality TV gets in trouble is those that still try to do it the old fashioned way. You can't. You have to be a lot more forthright and honest in your
producing and in what you're showing. A lot of things evolved to lead to that. Social media was a big part of it. Carol says, what's the status of Merrit Street? You never talk about it. I'll start with number one, Carol, thank you for the question. Merritt Street is great, it's stronger, growing, it is phenomenal. But two things. One Lauren and I this is one thing we really never even discussed, but we both believe in this work in the dark. Celebrate
in the light. We like to work and below the level, the surface level, get all the stuff done, and then when it debuts then you can, you know, everyone can rejoice in it and enjoy it. Right now, we're in the doldrums of summer. To be quite honest, the student
was dark. I mean, I know they're still doing news at Mayor Street daily, but like doctor Phil is dark, everybody is kind of out of town everything in Hollywood, but the extension of Hollywood is Texas and everywhere else in production is pretty quiet right now, as are LZ and I. We've been on our vacations and doing our stuff, so we're getting back to it in earnest very quickly. But honestly, we've had a little we've all enjoyed a little summer Vaca. But everything's going great at Mayor. They've
had a good year. I mean, obviously the launch of a network is daunting, but the show that we're creating and working on with doctor Phil and I've been appearing with him, and more shows will be airing soon. We'll all be coming up.
I'm gonna get emotional and advicey with this next question. This is such a great question from Jacqueline. How did you know it was time to get a divorce? I am struggling with that right now.
I was just going to ask you this question. I was just looking at the questions and I thought this would be a great one for both of us. But I would like you to start so, because you're so good at this. I know.
That this is a sort of a simple gauge, but I've given this advice to people before. No marriage ends in one moment, Like, you know, I don't know, even if you find out something about someone or whatever, you find out they lied to you, like you have to break that down, you have to work through it.
You have to be ready.
But a simple gauge for me looking back was I would pull into the driveway and not really want to go in the house. I think I knew, like I just knew walking in would be conflict, me feeling like I had to take care of a lot of things, a lot of weight, And that was kind of a striking moment for me of you know, relationships shouldn't be like this, and there's a lot of factors that went into it. You know, it's never just one person's I mean, it's rarely just one person's fault.
But like.
I also think, ultimately, I don't know, divorce gets such a bad rap. And I find that when people are asking me this question, it's because they feel that it's negative and that it's bad. And I don't think divorce is bad. I think it can be sad, but I know a lot of people who are really grateful they
got divorced. You know, relationships end for a reason, and I think it's helpful to shift your mindset from like you haven't failed, you haven't done anything wrong, like this isn't working and it's going to be better for both of you to potentially move forward. Now that being said, like I'm simplifying it, divorce isn't always the answer. Sometimes you can work through things. But that's my simple answer. I pulled in the driveway and I didn't want to go in the house very deep one.
Like there's a lot of layers to that, you know. I remember when I was thinking about changing agents early on, and my uncle as a lawyer, and I didn't have a lawyer at the time, and I needed some help looking at this contract and I asked his advice, and he says, Chris, think of this moment, like relationships, you don't want to just hop in and out of a
bunch of them. And that would be the first thing I would say, is, look, we don't want to use divorce, go through them like M and M's and you know, treat it like it's this revolving door and every time, you know, the road gets tough, you bail. But with that said, my mom had this great line and I'll never forget it. When you can no longer affect change, it's time to leave. And I think that's really valuable
in a relationship. Fight the good fight. Try, whether it's therapy, communication, whatever it is that's ailing you and your loved one, fight that fight, and you know, because I also believe that you know when every stone has been turned over and you've tried, then you can leave with your head
held high that you did that. But when you get to the point where you can no longer affect change, and it's you can no longer achieve happiness for either one of you, and it's quite to the opposite and the detriment of both of you physically, mentally and emotionally, then it's not only okay. I think it's important to move on. I had kids when I got divorced, and I feared the worst that I was going to harm them. I didn't. Nobody wants their kids to be a product of divorce.
I was.
Now my kids are, but at the same time, I think that they are healthier. They are now seeing their dad madly in love with an amazing relationship. Their mom has gone on and gotten remarried. She's in a wonderful relationship. I think it's more powerful and important that they have seen their parents grow as human beings, remain friends, remain
co parents, find love. And they were at my ex wife's wedding to her new husband, they were at our wedding, So they're very much a part of this love story and they've seen that love can still exist and that you can still find that. So I think those messages are just as important.
I think we all think a lot about like we worry about what we'll be losing and the thing is, or we think like like you just said, well, they're going to be a product of divorce now, and you're thinking, well, you'd want them to be in a married home, and sure, but like that's thinking about this fantasy of a path, right, it's not the reality, And you can shift your mind and think about the other option, the other potential fantasy, you finding new love, your kids seeing you in new love.
I think there's power in kids seeing that you know their parents have gone through struggle and overcome, Like that helps them know I'm going to go through tough things, but I'll be okay. And so we kind of have to think about what could be the positives in this outcome too. Like I said, I don't think divorce is bad. I think it's hard. I think it's sad. I think it's challenging. But uh, but it can be ultimately really good and it helps to shift that mindset. And I
think you're so right. I just want to go back a little bit on what I said, because, as I said my comment, there was a simple gauge. I pulled up in the driveway and I didn't want to go in the house. That didn't just happen one time. That happened many times. You know, it wasn't like the one time it happened. I said, I don't.
Yeah, you.
Want you do want to know I did all I could here? You want to put in enough effort like try and say I've done all I can. And it helps to know that before you walk away. And to your point about your mom's quote, I think that's so smart in that to me, the biggest barometer in almost any relationship isn't people making mistakes. It isn't them being flawed. It isn't can I deal with their personality or do they do too many things wrong? It's effort. Do they
make effort to grow, to change, to be better. If you're with someone who isn't making effort and hasn't made effort in a long time, what are you doing there? Because we only get one life, and if someone won't try for you, I think that's the most painful thing in a relationship, is feeling like this person isn't trying for me.
I think to that point. Talking about divorce, yes, it has a negative connotation, but I think it's funny. People say, oh, it's easy to quit, it's easy to leave. I think it's easier to stay. I would say this thought of, oh,
starting over is so hard. I don't want to be single in my thirties, in my forties, in my fifties, and my life is too long and equally too short to not find real love, real friendship, real companion, to find what Elsie was just talking about, someone who actually supports you and empowers you and wants to be there
for you. The thought of, oh, you know, our finances are so intertwined, it would be so hard to kind of unwind all this and oh there's this and the parents and stop that stuff will take care of itself. I know it seems daunting, and it seems like such a big wave coming at you. But when you deal with things, any any big thing like this in life, when you deal with it one bite at a time,
you will get there. And so again I'm not saying this to encourage you, but don't let that be the reason you stay, just because the fear of dating and starting over and all that, I would say, don't let that hinder you.
I liked where we went today.
Yeah, a little silly, a little looking back at the past, a little looking into the future, a little deep.
That's why I like Q and A because you never know, like what topics will take us where uh, And it's fun to kind of you know what it does. It kind of opens up a little lane of communication for you and I.
That's so true.
Selfishly, thank you guys for being our therapists, or at least the uh.
You know.
It's like you're you're posing the questions a therapists would pose, and then here we are. We appreciate you all, We love you all so much, and wherever you're at on your journey, know that we are wishing you the very best and we love your questions.
Please keep sending them in to us because we'll see you next time.
Because we have a lot more to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most Dramatic pod ever, and make sure to write us a review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.