This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. Chris Harrison and Lauren's Ema Coming to you from the friendly home office of Austin, Texas. We are back. We took a little break, not from the pod, but just we got out of Austin for a little bit, took a little trip.
We've been everywhere. I mean, I was in Cabo to celebrate your birthday. I came home to help Taylor pack up for college and shop for college. Then I went back to Cabo for my girl's annual girls trip slash one night bachelorette party. Then we went to Idaho, which was lovely. Then we went to Colorado for one night to see a concert at Red Rocks because neither of us had been. It was on our bucket list. And now we're back here and I have to give Chris
Harrison an absolute commendation right now, a gold star. We are sitting in our office. You may have seen in the news Austin has set a record. It's something like over forty straight days of for one hundred.
Next Monday, it's breaking.
Oh, we're gonna get a cold wave. What's it going to be.
Down in the high eighties?
Wow, and at the sweater winter front moving here.
I'm getting all of our jackets out today.
So it's been so hot and now listen. First, I was a little I don't know if perturbs the right word. But without consulting me, without even sending me a link of visual aid, getting my opinion at all, Chris Harrison purchased a fan for our office where we record the podcast. He said, it's so hot in there. We got to get the light fixture out. We're putting a fan in and I'm like, even check with me, okay, but he did an absolutely stellar job. Why did I even question
your taste? This fan is perfect, It matches our desk, The esthetics are on point. I can't I want to kiss you. You did such a great job.
It spins around and blows air, which is fantastic.
Wait are you saying you didn't think about you lost and.
The look are are weak? Rope quick and I want to go back our trip to Colorado. We both wanted to go to Red Rocks. If you have grown up in the seventies eighties around then, you obviously knew the hugely popular famous YouTube video The Sunday Bloody Sunday video and it was shot at Red Rocks and it was this iconic video and I've always wanted to go to Red Rocks. It turned out a good friend of ours, Parker McCollum, was playing at Red Rocks and he put
on a show with Will Beckman and Randy Rogers. It was an epic night. But what I love most about that night is Lauren and I were sitting in the amphitheater. I don't know we met thirty people came by. I don't know, a bunch of people. We just met so many great people in Colorado. So much love to Denver, much love to the folks at Red Rocks. I loved everybody coming up and saying hello. And I do love that when people swung by and they said, hey, I listened to your podcast. You said you like it when
people come say hello. I said, no, I do.
I do.
It's great. And so everybody was in a good mood. It's a beautiful place and it was emotional walking in there. It really is a spectacular venue. I posted a picture from the venue and everybody says the same thing, most iconic venue ever. And I agree. A lot of stairs, a lot of stairs.
I had several tequilas, and at the end I had to walk up those stairs. That was what Chris called a sobering moment.
That was a sober up moment. But by the way, a huge shout out to Parker McCollum, who headlined for the first time at Red Rocks. Sold it out, dude, rushed it, killed it.
A wonderful friend of ours. He's just so talented.
And his beautiful wife, Hallie Ray. Yes. Oh, by the way, I have to get on the podcast because we were in backstage with Halle Ray and I learned something about her and the Bachelor I did not know. I won't spoil it here, but I said, you have to come on and tell the story. So she's going to come on soon and tell this crazy story. Now, another thing we glossed over, and I want to go back because it kind of leads to I need to.
Pause for a second. You keep telling me I was gloss and things. I was trying to compliment you on the fan.
No, I appreciate that.
Thank you.
I love that you are a fan. Oh my god, dad. Joke number one being your girl's trip. You've been posting a lot on Instagram about your girls trip. Yes, and people have reached out and said, this is a remarkable group of women. I love your girls' trips, Like this is crazy that you fourteen fifteen, sixteen of you would ever get together every year without fail. Unless someone is dying or someone's giving birth. Those are the only reasons
you're allowed to skip life and death. Yes, and even then, like you've had multiple show up pregnant, like ready to give birth.
But they still say, say, give me a mocktail.
I'm here for the vibe, and I love the fact that because you're going to lead us into today's topic of the most dramatic podcast ever, but it kind of goes back to this strong group of girls who look after each other no matter what.
Well, you know, I actually wanted to ask you about it because I have found myself making these sort of big statements because this trip we just had. We've been friends for about fifteen years. In the beginning, when everybody was kind of you know, a lot of us are Midwesterners and we're getting married in our mid twenties, and so we had bachelorette parties and we had weddings to see each other at. And then when more and more
of us were getting locked down. We said, hey, we might not have all these weddings, so let's do one trip a year guaranteed to see each other. And it has been so good for maintaining our friendship. We look forward to it every year. It feeds our souls. And this trip was I think maybe our best trip ever. We didn't have any air travel issues, nobody was pregnant, so everybody was having real tequila and we just had a perfect time. And then I find myself making these
big statements like nothing makes me happier. I never laugh harder. These are my soul sisters. Serious question, as my partner, is it annoying when I say things like that?
Is it at all hurtful or funny? I never thought about it till you were saying it. Okay, great send it. It is beyond not offensive. It is wonderful, And I get it. I have wonderful friends, like good friends. We're out, you know, doing our golf thing or on the trips to Pebble Beach or whatever. You laugh and you relax and you let your guard down unlike any other. And it's just those are the people that know you the best.
These girls have known you before during and after all of your work success, babies, whatever it is, divorces, they just know, they know all your bugaboos, they know where all the skeletons are. So you can just relax and be you.
And there's also no matter what, as much as I laugh with you and love you so deeply, it's a different relationship. You're my partner versus your friends. You're just gonna you know, there's the female connection and bond and looking at photos of us and we're all kind of laying all over each other, sort of resorting or reverting back to when we lived in a sorority house together and there was a therapist I think who said on Instagram or something. But we're in this era now where
we kind of demand that our partner be all things. Yeah, and that that really isn't healthy. Like you say, oh, my partner's my best friend, and and sure that's great, but you know, years ago, people sort of relied on other relationships, friends, mentors, family to get different.
Sometimes people went into work at offices, right, and your work.
Friends might fulfill a different need than your neighborhood friends. And so it's okay for people to be different things in your life and to meet and want all these different things in your life.
It's really hard for one person to be all things in your life.
But I have to say, you are the guy that bought the right fan.
I bought the right fan. I know my place and I know, but you bring up a really good point. It's it's I love you, I love hanging out with you. You are a wonderful lover friend, all these things. But I also get things from my buddies that you're just not going to give me. And that's and that's fine, babe.
Are you saying I can't.
You can't be all They golf with you and talks. As many personalities as you bring out in a day, you still can't be all of them. That brings us into today's topic that you wanted to talk about. What are we talking about today?
Well, part of the reason this came up was from our wonderful producer Kendall, who I think we might bring on because I have a couple questions for her. Actually, so we've been kind of talking about a lot of people I know watch the show and just like that, now I will admit. This is The Sex and the City, a spinoff series featuring the women later in life, in a different phase of life, decades later after the original show,
and it's now on season two and I watched. I tried to watch the first season and I did not like it. I thought the characters were off, the writing wasn't as good, the acting wasn't as good. And now it's in season two and a lot of people are saying it's gotten a bit better. They found their way a little bit. And then this moment on a recent episode, on episode eight, I was seeing all over Instagram people who I follow who watched the show were commenting on
how powerful it was. And it is a moment where Carrie, our main girl, has a conversation with this character, Seema, about how Carrie a spoiler alert, Carrie's gotten back to dating Aiden from the original series, and they are moving fast and furious. A month in, she's saying, we and they're so in love again, and they're making plans to you know, for her to meet as kids and for
them to spend time together. But she had plans with Seema to do a summerhouse in the Hamptons, and Sema tells her, I don't want to do the house anymore. I've gotten our deposit back. I can't handle the idea of spending all this money to be in a house with you and for Aiden to be there all the time, right to feel like.
This is going to be a special girls trip and we own this and we're going to have a great girl summer, and now you're just going to be hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well, now the dynamic has changed, she's basically saying, and she's not mad at Carrie, but Carrie's very hurt by this. She says, no, please, I want to do the house together. Aiden won't be there all the time. But Sema says, for me, I don't want to have that feeling of being there with you two as a couple. I don't want to do this. So this conversation kind of goes viral and everybody's pointing out, what a great conversation for the single friend to speak up and say, I'm drawing
a boundary here, I don't want to do this. And it's bringing up these questions of, you know, is it okay to be the third wheel? Is it okay to invite your friend out on couples things with you? When is it not okay? When is it annoying and when can the single friend speak up and not sound like a jerk by doing it well?
And as far as the person who just started dating, I found it interesting too. And Carrie, I'm not a huge sex in the city watcher. I watched the original I'm definitely not going to get into these new shows, but I watched enough, and I've watched some with you. Carrie is very flawed. Like she doesn't really she spoke. I got the feeling she was like this really good friend or whatever. But she likes she makes a lot of mistakes. She leaves her friends in a lurch a lot.
Yeah, No, Carrie's kind of a it's when you watch When I watched the show the first time when it was on, to then do I did a full rewatch of the original series a few months ago, and to watch it through the lens of now being in my thirties, I'm watching it thinking, speaking of good friends.
Carrie is she's not a great friend.
She's in the first couple of seasons, she's a very toxic girlfriend. Actually, so, no, Carrie is very flawed. And then you look back and think, oh crap, I grew up idolizing her when I was in my twenties.
What did that do to me? And that brings up the topic I was thinking too, is from the flip side of even though you're in a relationship, it's being a good friend. It's not absolutely just bailing on everybody because you happen to be in love and having good sex these days.
So there's lots of articles about this moment. HuffPost says what and just like that gets right about being the only single friend and again dives into this. Now, Kendall, I wanted to ask you because you had texted us producer Kendall.
And if it's okay, I'm just going to say it. Kendall's twenty five years old. Yes, so this helps. So she is much younger than us, but she is in a committed relationship and has been for five years.
And Kendall, you texted us as we were talking about discussing this topic today and you said we need to change the stigma of being the third wheel. So I wanted to ask you, what is this? What do you think the stigma of being the third wheel is what needs to change.
So I've obviously been in a relationship for five and a half years and my best friend is constantly going on dates with us, and we always are with her just because I live with her too, So it sometimes gets tough, like whenever or we want to do things on a date night but she asked me to hang out.
But for her, there's also a lot of positives out of it, and I try to tell her that even though she feels lonely when she's with us, Like, for example, my boyfriend will pay for her dinner because why not, and he will set her up on a date, and he will give her advice on her dating problems. I just feel like there's a lot of positives out of it that you can think about and it shouldn't be as negative as you think.
But are there boundaries that you need to set? Are there sometimes when you just want to be alone with your boyfriend? Or conversely, are there times where hey, I just need a girl's night with my roommate. I'm going to go out alone without you, without your boyfriend.
Yeah, honestly, kind of the second one. There are more times where I want to kind of just be with her and I have to tell my boyfriend, like, hey, I want to go out with her and have a girl's night.
Lauren does that to me too?
Well, I actually was going to say, I am so part of the reason I wanted to ask you, Kendall, I am so sort of unfamiliar with this because I've never done this. I have never really said, hey, do
you friend hang out with me and my boyfriend. I've never done what Carrie did of expecting a friend to kind of come in and vibe with like my boyfriend being a part of Honestly, you know, what you have to think is who's the third wheel here in the situation with Carrie and Sema and the Hampton's house really aid in the boyfriend is the third wheel they were bringing in?
Well, she should be. If Carrie wasn't a crappy friend, which she is, that would be the case. But I think the way she probably is, And I think this tells two different types of people. A selfish person who's just all about their new relationship and they're you know that glow and the endorphins are firing, and you just you leave Seema, you leave your friend in a lurch. Or there are those who would make the guy the
third wheel and I'm all about my girlfriend. I'm all about getting up and I'm chatting with her late at night, we're watching Bravo, We're having coffee in the morning, and so there's I think there's two different types of friends here.
I think Sema knew which type of friend Carrie was, and that's why she's smartly set a boundary, said I don't want to do this, because she knew what it would turn into. Carrie's saying he won't be there all the time, But Seeman knew what would happen if you had a friend where you believed you're like, no, I know how she is hill pop in and out, will see him sometimes. I just have always prioritized my friends.
But that's not crazy. That's not a thing to laugh at or make fun like. That's a good thing. That's a very healthy thing to do. And I think for some reason, if you go back to the question you ask Kendall about the stigma that that is one of those things of once I get married, once I have children, even this is my new life and I have to forsake all of what I had before, And that's not the case. In fact, you need to work harder and foster the relationships that you had, keep those girlfriends, keep
those guy friends, and look there are boundaries. I'm painting with a broadbrush, disappearing every weekend all weekend to go get hammered and play golf. No, it's not what I'm talking about. I'm just saying, foster those relationships because it's healthy.
Now. I do think there's an age thing here. I do think when you're younger, you can really get swept up in a relationship and you know you're so in love and suddenly your borderline living together. And I probably did that in my very early twenties. I'm talking maybe, and I'm nineteen twenty twenty one, still in college. But then I learned the lesson of prioritizing my friends and learned that my friends were going to be the ones there with me through everything. Carrie in her early fifties.
I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if this character has fully learned that lesson.
Sometimes I was basically a professional third wheel for almost a decade.
You know what, I wanted to ask you about this because the truth is, and I almost feel weird admitting this out loud, I have not had very long spans in my life where I've been single, and I looking back, I mean almost every time I got into a relationship. I remember thinking to myself, I wish I could be single longer. I actually want to be single longer, but I don't know just the way the timing has worked out.
I've sort of met somebody, and that's also a beautiful thing I'm very grateful for, but I don't really know what it's like to long term third wheel it.
How long were you?
I mean you were single for almost a decade.
Yeah, and look for first of all, I get what you're saying, and we're not getting married for another few months. If you want to date, just date around a little bit, just to get it out of your system.
I'm not going to give up the fan guy. I'm not going to give up the guy who picks the perfect fan without even needing my help.
Our situations were very different, obviously, because I had been married for what seventeen years, and so when I got out of my marriage, I made a concerted effort to be single and to not dive into something for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, I wanted to reconnect and really make sure my kids are okay. And I just didn't want to concentrate or spend any energy anywhere else, and I knew I couldn't and I wouldn't be very good at that unraveling my life hosting the show that
I was hosting all of the shows. It was a mess, and so I knew I was not going to be good for anybody, and I was just going to stay single and date a little bit. But that made me a professional third wheel for all my married friends who have kids, and I was even This is the the pin ultimate moment is I was the twenty seventh wheel. There were thirteen couples on a huge birthday trip down to Cabo for one of my dearest friends. She was nice enough, they were nice enough. This couple was still
nice enough to include me. And there were thirteen lovely couples and Chris Harrison, I was the twenty seventh wheel. It was awkward, it was weird, and I knew everybody there, so it was still friendly and everybody was nice to make me feel included. But it was a thing. It was still a thing to be like, I'm alone here.
How did that feel?
It's intimidating. It's a lot to take in. You have to, really, I think one of the most powerful things in the world, and this is what I wanted to take from this podcast. It's the most powerful thing in the world, man or woman, to be comfortable being alone. If you can master that, if you can force yourself to be alone and be comfortable going to a movie, going to dinner, traveling, even really being comfortable in your own skin being alone, you will be the most powerful person. And I know it's
tougher for women. This is the patriarchy speaking here. I know it's tougher. Like I can go to a bar and even though it's a little awkward, you know, I know I'm not going to probably be hit on by a bunch of creepy guys.
No, that is true. I mean, now, when I was traveling for work, if I went and sat at a bar just because I'm getting dinner alone, that it was. It has a different look to it, which is totally unfair. But also I think maybe it's I will agree it's tougher for women, but I think because women share more, we talk more, we engage more, and so when you're alone, I don't know, maybe it feels lonelier. But then I also think women are stronger than men no offense emotionally,
so maybe it's hard for men to be alone. I'm thinking of how usually after loss men get into relationships. Quicker, let me ask you this, though, you're talking about the comfortability of being alone in this character getting back to sex and the City. Seema, she's been single a long time and one of the things she says to Carrie in this conversation is Carrie, you've had two great loves.
I've had none. Yeah, And I think she's in her fifties and she's saying, I don't know if I ever will have a great love, And of course Carrie's telling her you will, and she's saying, I don't even want to hear that. And watching that scene, I kind of realized this is something I don't understand. I don't understand what it's like to be older and to maybe feel like you've never had that great love, you've not even loved and lost, you've never had it. I don't understand
what being single for a really long time feels like. So, even if you've gotten comfortable with being on your own, what happens when you're just lonely though, when you just want companionship? And does that make it harder to be around couples when you're in that place.
It does, and I think it would be harder to be around. And it's how I think the age thing is huge here. I think for Kendall going through this at twenty five, it's very different than when I was going through it. And even when I was married, I had a good friend of mine get divorced. My best friend, oldest friend in the world. He had gotten divorced and he had been with this girl since junior high high school, so I mean, he was ready to tear the world open,
and he did. He was going to Vegas, he was partying, go you know, it was nuts, and he came out and visited us and we didn't have kids yet, but we were married, and he went out like we would go to dinner and he's like, well, I'm going to go out in LA and he brought a girl home to my house and I'm like, dude, we're in such different life places right now, Like I love you, but I had to draw some boundaries of just not hanging out with him very much at that time, which is fine.
We're still dear friends. But it was I think it's different when you're older and my friends saw me getting divorced realized what I was going through, the kind of be there for me. And when you're older, the wives are pretty happy when you come take their husband away. They're like, yeah, go play golf.
I love the alone time. Well, like I love your divorced friend Chris. He's great, he takes you on walks.
But there was also that I was you know, obviously I was hosting the shows. I could go to a lot of events, get invited to a lot of events. I didn't have my person right, you know how that is if you go to the Globe. Yeah, so I didn't have a plus one for all these parties I was going to. And at the time, because I was older and divorced, most of my friends were married and
most of them had kids. So it was very difficult to call one of my buddies and say, hey, you want to go to this party with me, because that's when the wives really were like, yeah, like, no, you're single, You're going into a Hollywood party. We know what Harrison's doing, or we think we know. I don't really want you.
It's okay to go golf. I don't want you to go party.
And I definitely felt a pullback from my married friends, especially the women on that.
Did you get to the point where you felt lonely? Or was that time being single kind of all good, rediscovering yourself, learning how to date time both.
There were time I knew it was good for me, but I'm like you, I had been married essentially since I was eighteen years old. I'd never been alone. So that's another reason I was forcing myself to feel I didn't know if I was dependent independent. You have this idea of who you are, but you don't know until you go through this. Turns out I'm a pretty independent person. I did like my alone time, sometimes too much. But yeah,
there's a lot of lonely times. You know, when I had the kids, the house was full, it's loud, there's homework, you're doing stuff, you're driving all over. It was the week I didn't have the kids, and all of a sudden, especially that first night, when it's so quiet and you're just laying there, and if I didn't have anything to do, you're just you know, home, and you cook yourself in, cooking dinner for one, eating for one. It's tough to
force yourself into that emotional space. It does get lonely. I totally feel that, and to your original question of when you're older and you just feel like, I'm never going to find that, and then you get to the point where you think to yourself, I don't even want to I'm so set in my ways. But even for people like that, I think you can still meet that one person that just shakes everything up.
Usually when you are fully like I'm done, that's when the person comes.
Yeah. I think that when that love rock hits you, it's when you least expect it to. I think when we're desperately looking for something, it's hard to find because you're trying to put so much pressure on.
Every meeting every day as the single friend when you were in those single friend years, Because that's what this is all about, looking back, what did you enjoy more if you were around other couples twenty seventh wheeling it or if you were around other single friends those couple other guys who were single and you were going out together.
It was both the only thing I love because I have dear, dear friends, as you know, because now they're all friends of ours that they were amazing and they you know, really included me and made sure especially on holidays, you know, so look out for your single friends on holidays. Make sure they have a place to go on Easter, Christmas,
New Year's you know, all the things. That was wonderful to have people in my life that would just say no, no, that's ridiculous, you're not going to be because I would if my ex had the kids for Christmas, I would go see them Christmas morning and the Christmas night. You know, I wanted to stay in California, so I wasn't with my family. I would be alone, and that's lonely. I don't care who you are. So my friends would say no, no, come have dinner. My mistake and what I quickly learned
was I was filling that void. I would go to parties because I got invited to a lot of events, and so I started going. I went solo to a lot of these things. I was trying to kind of push my boundaries, and I just found I was filling the void with nonsense. You know, like my grandmother I said, you know, surround yourself with people who were equal or greater than I was not doing that. I was going to poker tournaments or parties or events, and I was just like I'd leave at the end of the night
going what the hell? I felt more lonely because I didn't have one good conversation. I didn't make one good connection. It was a soulless Hollywood party that didn't give me anything. And so it's like that drug where you take drugs and you get a very momentary high and then you realize, I'm going to come down lower than I was.
So you experienced all the different single friend, third Wheel twenty seventh Wheel moments.
You actually literally had a.
Very similar experience to the sex and the City scene we're talking I mean, the sorry, the end, just like that scene we're talking about, which was that you were the twenty seventh Wheel in this Cobo trip. And in this situation, the character Sema is saying, no, I don't want to do this house. I don't want to do this rental house in the Hamptons. What would you have
done in that situation? Would you have still done a rental a summer rental with a friend of yours if they were suddenly in a relationship.
I'm on SEMA's side. I'm team Sema on this, not having watched it, but just feeling she had. She got into this idea with the notion that it's her and Carrie hot Girl summer. We're gonna have a blast in the Hamptons. That dynamic completely changed. Carrie expected her to just roll with it. No, it's still going to be fun. Carrie's getting the best of both worlds, Sema. I'm going to have you. I get to hang out and have fun, but I'm going to have Aiden and I get to hook up with him.
Carrie being selfish again.
Yeah, and I get to go to bed with him, and I get to wake up with him, and we can go on long walks and I'll be with you. You know, we'll have fun. That's not fun for Sema. Seema's not getting her fill.
I actually think Carrie is prioritizing herself to the point of that she's going to make both these people she cares about unhappy because Aiden is going to be like, well, I want to be with you for this summer, but you're with Sema. And SEMA's going to say, well, this was supposed to be our summer in the Hampton's and now Aiden's always around. I think from both perspectives, you can't change the parameters of what the original setup was.
You know, when you're talking about something this big and I feel that way. I don't know, honestly, even down to a dinner. Sometimes you and I have gone to dinner and we think we're going on a couple's dinner, and then our friends show up with their kids and we're thinking, wait, we thought this was a kind of
a couple's double date night. Now it's sort of family dinner, which would be fine, but you can't change the parameters without a heads up and an FYI, and hey, we thought we were getting into something different here.
The question I have for you, and this really pertains to women more than men, because guys, we really don't do this. But this episode kind of touched on this as well. Needing validation about the relationship you in, like Carrie wants to hear that everyone's excited for her about her and Aiden and needing that validation, and especially needing it from a single friend who's kind of lonely and trying to get through her own stuff. Do you feel
that from any of your friends. Have you ever experienced that guy? Because guys really don't like if a buddy of mine starts dating a girl, he's not like, hey, man, what do you think they may ask? What you think, but it's not such a big deal.
But you had me meet your friends when you kind I mean, didn't you hope your friends liked me?
No, for sure, but it's not such a I didn't need their approval like it wouldn't. Our relationship didn't hinge on. I didn't need their positivity. I didn't need them to say, make me feel good about myself.
Oh interesting. I definitely sense, yes, that Carrie wants her friends to be happy for her. I mean, I don't know if it's that well, I don't know. Yeah, sure, I would say I would want my friends to be happy for me. I would want them to like the person I was dating. And you can see that Carrie's a little hurt that she feels Sema isn't happy for her. And I do think Carrie's valid in that. But this is a very great area of Also, how much is
Carrie talking about this relationship? And this I can see is a female thing because with women, what do I always tell you, talking is the activity. I have lost my voice still from this girl's trip I went on because I talked to thirteen women for three straight days, and for I can imagine when you're the single friend the third or fifth, or seventh or twenty seventh wheel. If your friends are talking about their relationships all the time, if you're the only one who's not at least got
something going on that could be wearing. I remember I was at a lunch once with a couple of girlfriends, and my one friend was planning her wedding, I was engaged, another girl was dating somebody, and this girlfriend of ours, I mean, she didn't have even a date on the horizon, and she kind of had a meltdown mid lunch. We're talking and she literally slammed her fork on the table and said, if you don't stop talking about your relationships, I'm going to kill myself.
Oh gosh, okay, And there was this.
Deafening silence in the entire restaurant, and it was too much, right, I mean, that was I was her. We all thought that was kind of a crazy moment. But looking back on it through this lens, I think, you know, but maybe she just felt so isolated from the conversation all the time and felt like she couldn't contribute, And maybe I needed to have more empathy.
For that, And I think I would take it a step further. The kid talk. You know. I think it's always great when you go in and we all want to catch up on each other's kids and what's going on. But especially if you have kids and the other couple doesn't or the other person doesn't, Please don't spend the entire dinner talking about little Susie, little Johnny in everything
they're doing. It's wonderful to be caught up. I don't need to know every time little Timmy got up to bat and t ball, and I definitely don't need to see the videos little Susie's piano recital or SOFP but whatever, same thing, like, take a moment, catch everybody up, move on.
I was thinking the other day, remember when we used to do disposable cameras.
Yeah, and so.
Maybe you'd get your vacation pictures back months later and maybe you show someone a few photos. And we actually all even thought that was a bit exhausting. Now we show everybody pictures and photos and videos from like every event all the time. So it really takes a lot to be a supportive friend and look at all that. But yeah, you know what, you just put that in perspective.
For me, I need to be more empathetic about the single friend and the third wheel because I am the one who's a little All my friends talk about their kids and I listen and I'm supportive. Then I start to claze over a little bit. And it's not that I don't care about their kids. I love their kids, but I don't have kids, and I don't understand all these moments, And you know what, on the note of Sema and setting, honestly, I just kind of excuse myself
from those conversations. I'll listen, I ask about their lives. I want to hear, but if it's getting to the point where I know I'm starting to be I don't want to be bored by my friends, so I'll kind of get up and go have a different convo and change the vibe.
And at the end of the day, when it comes to the Seama Carey Bradshaw moment, it's the difference of your expectations going into a situation. If Seema thought she was going in for a girl's week or girls month whatever in the Hamptons, and all of a sudden she wants to change the dynamic, It's the difference between your expectations and then being forced into a situation she was being forced into a situation that she did not want and wasn't prepared for and didn't want to set up for.
And so that's what's not fair. You change the dynamic. You did a one eighty on her, and so yeah, Carrie, once again you're selfish.
But it's it's like Kendall was just saying, I mean, Kendall, that was so interesting to hear from you that you see positives about also being that single friend that you know your boyfriend can set this person up or you know, you can ensure that she's not alone. But there are boundaries both ways. Kendall, you got to tell your friend your roommate, which is harder. Hey, sometimes I need a date night. Have you been able to have those conversations.
Yeah? I have.
And what's the negative? You said positive? So what's the worst thing about it?
She struggles finding a person because she sees my boyfriend and how good he is to me and how he's a great guy, and she goes on these dates and she kind of starts to compare these guys to my boyfriend. So it's almost like she has a hard time like finding the guys that meet her expectations. So that's definitely a negative to it, just kind of feeling lonely.
On her end. Well, you can't take that on Kendall. No matter, she's going to have her expectations from guys. She's seen her whole life, and that's not all on you and your boyfriend. I will say again, I think what's so great about this conversation on and just like that is it brings up as we're talking about the boundary setting, think you also have to say to your friend, I can't fulfill you emotionally, like I can't be meeting the needs that a romantic relationship would be for you.
I can't ensure that you're not lonely. Again. One person can't be all things, and just like your partner can't be all things, if you're single romantically, your friend can't
be all things. I've had issues with friends before where they were single and they kind of were I think demanding too much from me of hey, like I can't have dinner with you every Saturday night, you know, But then it goes the other way of Hey, when you're the one in a relationship, you can't expect that your single friend is going to always be okay with you. Canceling on them for the boyfriend and that kind of thing, and that's a very carey thing to do.
So as we wrap this up, might takeaways and giveaways from this ay, And I'm speaking from experience because again, I was that third wheel professionally for a long time. Don't be afraid to be that third wheel. Don't be afraid to be alone. It is intimidating to go to a movie alone, it's intimidating to go eat. It's uncomfortable. Put yourself in the uncomfortable. Try to make that comfortable for yourself, because man, when you own that, it's really powerful.
You feel like you can do anything because it opens up every situation that you feel like you can just walk into. And it really also opens you up to finding a healthy relationship. I think it made me more prepared that I'm confident, I'm happy, I'm good, I'm good as a father, I'm good as a friend. I can give myself to somebody, and I think it makes me a better boyfriend, fyance husband. So that's my takeaway. Set those boundaries, be comfortable with it, but don't be afraid
to be alone. Any massive takeaway lessons for you, LZ.
Well there's a part of the scene where Sema says that she needs space and Carrie says, no, I don't want to give you space. Space is bad for friendship, and I disagree. I think that's an immature thing of Carrie to say, and I think the space goes both ways. It is okay we live in an era of constant connection. It is okay to not talk to your friend or your partner every day, and it is okay that someone maybe doesn't want to go on that dinner and be
the third wheel. And it is okay that you want the date night and you don't want your friend to come be the third wheel. Make space, set those boundaries, and you know what, maybe this third wheel thing is a great gauge for both friendships and partnerships. You want to be with somebody who is okay being the third wheel sometimes but not all the time. You want somebody who knows who they are, a friend who knows here's the space I need, here's the kind of friendship I want.
And you also want a partner who knows that. And then you want a person a both a friend and a partner who's like, hey, I can hang with you and your boyfriend or hey, yeah, I'd love to come spend time with you and your girls. So really find the people who are cool being the third wheel.
A real friend is going to be there whether they're dating not dating third wheel, they can do both and be there for you. Thank you for this. That was a great topic today. I loved it. It's very interesting because it opens up and obviously it hits personal to me because I did it for so long. But it was a very interesting topic.
We may bring Kendall's boyfriend and roommate on. No, we won't do that to you, Kendall.
And one last thing, this is a huge week. We already dropped our daughter off at college. I was at the gym this morning and ran into a mom that we know, and I said, how are you doing. She said, oh, my gosh, I have so much anxiety. Just dropped our son off for the first day at middle school junior high we used to call it. And she's like, it's just so different. The kids are so much bigger than
he is. And I remember that vaguely of that jump from fifth to sixth grade or six to seventh depending on where you are in the country and how the grades work, or that move from middle school to high school when all of a sudden you see your kid up against an eighteen year old man and you're like, oh my god, what are they doing around these massive human beings? It is. It's a lot, and so I know a lot of parents are making that journey going out of town, dropping kids at college, or getting going
at kindergarten and elementary school, junior high, high school. So again, I said it last week, but I just I was reminded of it today that a lot of people are going through it, and so I feel for you. It's an exciting time, but I know it's also an anxiety ridden time. And for all the parents whose kids are going through rush, especially the girl moms and dads. Wow, do I feel you because we have friends going through that as well. Every stage is so fun, it's exciting,
and it's just new and different. But I feel for you and this too. She'll pass and we will get through it together. Thank you for joining us today. Always love talking to you and diving into these topics, and we'll do it again because we have a lot more or to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most Dramatic Pod ever, and make sure to write us a review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.