This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema, and we just wanted to come and wish everybody a happy holiday week, Happy Thanksgiving everybody. I know it's a is it a hectic week? Is it a crazy week?
You know? I think after the weddings, I feel so much more comfortable with Thanksgiving because Thanksgiving is a known you know. The weddings that we just came off of planet were so much going on, lots of factors. This is a known. We are going to my childhood home in Chicago, where my mom still lives, and Thanksgiving is my family's biggest holiday because my extended family from Ohio, my aunts, my cousins all come in and all descend
on our house in Chicago. You have never been to this event with my family, So really, the question is are you feeling no.
I'm excited. I've wanted to go to Chicago with you and go to your childhood home for a long time, and I don't. I just never really worked out. I don't know why.
I think people think it's weird. It's just that I think, you know, we have to think about where the kids are at are they with their mom? Are they with us? Then also, your parents are divorced, so you have to divide your time between them. And then my family's kind of spread all across the country, so we were always, as we've said, dividing and conquering.
But this is kind of our first, not kind of. This is our first official holiday as a married couple, and now we're doing it with your family. This is I mean, this is it married couple. We're going back home and we're going to Chicago.
We're doing this in the wrong order because I thought what you were going to say is this is our first holiday where we've ever gone to the other one's parents' home, because I've actually never been to either of your parents' homes.
Yeah, for a holiday, mom my mom has come to us, my dad to us, and so you're right, yeah, we've never.
So we waited till we got married to go to Well.
We're out of we're long out of my childhood home in Dallas, Texas, and so I really don't have that to go back home too. Anyway, but your your mom still lives in your childhood home. We are And by the way, if y'all are thinking what I was thinking, and it's not going to happen. What we're not going to be in your bedroom?
Oh, my childhood bedroom no longer exists.
Okay.
Also, I don't think anyone was thinking.
I think people were thinking that.
I don't think they were thinking.
Okay, I was thinking that when I.
Was wondering, weird to think? Is that a guy? Wait?
Maybe I think it's maybe it's a guy thing of Like, just I thought it'd be interesting to be back in your childhood bedroom.
Oh you weren't meaning it in like a dirty way.
You just meant like right, no, because you were a child.
Well here's a question, though, how long? Because I have friends?
Yeah?
Who, I'm thinking my friend Laura, I'll call her out because she listens her childhood bedroom from like her teenage years. Yeah, is still and we're in our thirties. It's still exactly what it was. It is a time capsule. Her posters are on the walls, her CDs are in the CD case, And I think her parents should use that room to whatever they When do you change your kids childhood bedroom?
Over and wed one full week after my kids left for college. Yeah, no, it's no, it is true. I mean I I they're you know, their rooms were changed, you know, left to their own devices at first, but their rooms, like the trophies and the posters and the that stuff needs to come down.
I think if your kids are going to college, I think you can give them a first year to come back to their.
Room, because they are They're always going to come back.
Yeah, but I think through freshman year it's a new time they can they still want to, you know. I mean when they go to freshman year, they're essentially still a high school kid. They're in such a new place. But after that, I think it's okay to say, hey, we have a bed for you here, but like your room's a gastroom now.
It's a guest room. Yeah, it's transitioning over. It'll be yours when you come.
Here, right, this is always your home, I fully Or are we rushing it too much?
No? No, I think I think. Look, your job, I think, partly as a parent, is to make them feel welcome to come back home, but not too comfortable, like they can always come live back home.
You want, well, you want to support independence and growth.
Yeah, I know, in all seriousness, I'm joking a little bit, but all kidding aside I do want my kids to start start thinking of their independence, and that just the natural next stage is not to boomerang back home. The next stage is you're going to graduate, you will work, You're going to get an apartment or whatever you can afford, and that's where you're going to live, and you're going to start your life and establish your life.
Yeah. My mom always said, like when my little brother graduated law school and started working, she's like, Okay, my job is done. Like they all have jobs, they're all working, contributing members of.
Or whatever it is. Right, that is a huge step. I've talked to your mom a little bit about that, and it really is such a prideful, proud moment to like you, you've done it, Like Donnazima, you've done it, like you probably you have three amazingly successful children that are living on their own, crushing it on their own. That's not easy.
I mean, of course, first and foremost you want them to be good people, yes, but of course yeah, I mean I think you're right that you you want your kids to always feel like this is your home, you are always welcome here. I mean I love still feeling that way. Obviously in my mom's home. I think you want to make sure they have a place to sleep. It's not like, hey, you can't stay here anymore. Your room's a gym. Now find a hotel. That would hurt me, But no, my childhood room is long gone.
So what am I in for?
You're in for? Actually, this has been very sweet. My mom has a really used the moment of you coming to our house. She's like, you know what, I'm going to like refresh the house in a way I haven't in a while. So I'm feeling great because I've been trying to get her to do this for a long time. So Donna has been you know, I mean to the point of like she's gotten some new faucets and some.
Bath nice new fixtures.
Yeah, fixing up.
I know, she's been painting a little bit. Yeah, Like, so it's going to be and I And by.
The way, let's take a moment for that. No matter how much a parent loves their kid, it's like, we don't listen to our family. I've been telling my mom to paint the kitchen cabinets for years. Oh, all of a sudden, Chris Harrison's coming home. She let you know she likes she She probably likes having you in your kitchen more than she likes me in there.
I know that I was going to say, what I know I'm looking forward to is your mom's food, because obviously she came in and cooked for our wedding, and we've been she's come here for events and for holidays as well, and she does she loves to be in the kitchen as much as I do. We have kind of this nice dance we do where we both kind of well.
She's already assigned you things to cook for this.
I know I'm fired up. I am, and I'm in charge of the tenderloin. She's doing the turkey. I'm doing a tenderloin in mashed potatoes, and I'm bringing wine.
Let's out you for something that might be a hot take. You don't like turkey.
It's not that a look. I'm just if you were going to say, what would you like to have for dinner tonight? Because I love the fixings. Give me your green bean casserole, sweet potato, you name it, Yam's mashed potatoes, anything that you're traditional stuffing all of it.
Skimming is very much about the side.
I love the sides. But if you're like Okay, what do you want your man to be? If you're at a restaurant, would you love a filet min yon, would you love a tenderloin? Or would you like some turkey? I'm sorry, but ninety nine nine percent of the time, I'm going to say, give me a nice, beautiful steak.
I mean, I never eat turkey other than Thanksgiving, but I look forward to it. But you comet at it more from this chef's perspective of like that turkey's very dry and you have to do a lot to it, so I don't really have.
I fried a turkey, Redneck. I fried turkeys, and your mom bakes once. She brinds it and then bakes it, and it's one I've had your mom's turkey. It's incredible. But at the same time, you know, it's funny. What I look forward to the most about turkey is the turkey sandwich.
Later the moistmaker that Ross cites on friends.
Yeah, he put it the fridge. Somebody ate his and he really went after him. But I am a big fan of Later, about three or four hours later turkey and I make I'm kind of the same way I put everything in the sandwich. It's cranberry sauce, turkey, gravy, some stuffing. It's all packed in there.
Yeah. Oh, I agree with you. I the leftovers are sometimes better the next day. Last year, actually, we had Thanksgiving here and we had a leftovers and libations neighborhood party, which was fun because every friends giving right to get your leftovers. Yes, what I really appreciate about you is that you are so helpful, like in the kitchen on holidays, at events, at parties. We talked about this a lot with the wedding, but you jump in and help. And
I really like that. You're not nervous or I don't know you're You're really good at Like you haven't met all of my extended family, but I think you're You're I never worry about you in those situations.
Yeah, And likewise, you and I are both good in those situations where we can both handle each other, Like you don't have to check on me. If I'm with Aunt Sally, it's like I'm fine and I and I knew, and I would know the same for you. I would look over and just see you and I'm like, yeah, she's got it now.
We met someone the other night who told a story that you and I did not agree with. This person was telling a story of the first time they went home to the person they were dating, so or they went to the person they were datings like family home, right, And this woman is telling the story of how she met the family and she is a vegetarian and she was so offended because the family didn't have food that she could eat, really, and that she actually got in a fight with the guy she was dating over it,
and it became this big deal. And I maybe I'm not being fair of the vegetarians out there, but if I'm going to somebody i'm dating's family home to meet their parents for the first time, I'm just gonna like poke my food around on my plate, smile, and make a good impression out of it.
You can go get a Tofu Burger later. Your job is to just be happy. And I think on the first time, yeah, put on your best face, make friends, bring you know ingratiate yourself to the face family. And if you realize, oh god, they even put bacon into the green bean casserole, just just go with it, just like you said, move it around, hide it under the mashed potatoes, and then go eat later and then you know, the next time you can broach that subject or the next time your husband's not about you.
On the first time. It's not about whether you like them, it's that you're trying to get them to like you. You're trying to put your best foot forward.
I totally agree with.
That, and I'm a big believer to I mean, I get it if you've known someone for years and you're like, listen, I've told you I'm a vegetarian. Please. But also, by the way, when you're the odd one out in a group situation, I think you have to look out for yourself a little bit more. That's on you, Like bring a dish that you're okay with eating, like make something
you know. I mean, I think it's always a bread flag about a human if they think that the group should accommodate them instead of like that they they're going to say, hey, you know what I mean.
I don't know. It was Thanksgiving always huge in your family.
In terms of the number of people.
Just no, I mean like just big holiday like something like for me growing up, it was actually something kind of odd because there was always the soccer tournament. There was the Houston Thanksgiving Day soccer tournament, So we would go to Houston and mostly we were in a hotel and that I have an aunt and uncle in Houston and we would go to them. But it was kind of like that was for many many years, so it wasn't like this. We always got together with fifty people
type of a holiday for a lot of years. And then after soccer when we kind of grew up and that stopped, then we kind of figured out what that was. But has it always just been your house, your mom? Like that's yeah.
And I actually saw there was some Maley Instagram quote the other day about how how much your childhood continues to affect like the way like everything in your life, you know, in this particular quote was about relationship. But I'm thinking about it right now because like the quote was about that, like if someone you're in a relationship with isn't treating you well, you have to realize that they're modeling their childhood and they have to fix themselves. It's,
you know, before they can work on you. So I guess I'm applying that here with It's interesting because I don't think you I've always you don't see Thanksgiving as that big of a holiday. You've said before, You don't really, it's like you wait more so look forward to Christmas. And maybe that's why, because it was always this other this.
Yeah, we it was busy, and we made it something on the actual day. Like you said, I'd go to my aunt and uncles eventually and they would cook and we'd be there and but there was always kind of something going on, and it would always and I go, you're not going to love this sports reference, but the Dallas Cowboys are one of the teams that always plays on Thanksgiving. And when I was a sportscaster and I started my career, you're the low man on the totem pole.
That means you work Holidays. I spent many gosh five or six Thanksgivings at Texas Stadium working the game, and I would eat my meal in the press room with the other press guys and they had bad turkey and bad whatever. And I would cover the game and then I would drive somewhere and meet family in Dallas after
the game. But again it was kind of an afterthought because I covered the football game that day and it was it was It was funny because it was always a tradition growing up that the Dallas Cowboys played and then it turned into that was my job and I was at that game on Thanksgiving Day.
So we're married. Now, yeah, we can create this ourselves. What do we want Thanksgiving to be?
Well? I like, I mean number one. I like where we're going. I like going to your childhood home.
Have you checked the weather? It's going to be things are going to.
Be a little but well, what's funny is your mom thought, oh, you know, if you come, you can play golf. And I'm like, it's Chicago in November, it's cold.
Wait are you saying that as much as you love golf, you wouldn't play this weather's to stop you.
Your people are of stronger blood than I am.
I yeah, growing up in Chicago, you have a bigger talk, better term for sure.
People. I mean, I think even now people of Chicago are stopping their golf season because it's going to get down in the twenties. But yeah, that's the I draw the line there as a divorced man with kids, You and I and I just my heart goes out to everybody. And by the way, I'm thinking about you if you have children and you're not with your kids on the holiday,
because it's not your holiday. And so you know, the way my ex and I have always done it is we kind of split up the holidays is one would get one would get Thanksgiving, the other gets Christmas, and then you switch the opposite year. So and even though the kids are in college, we kind of just keep this going. And so, you know, if you don't have your kids over the holidays, and especially if this is your first time to go through the holidays divorced or
missing your kids, that's just I'm thinking about you. It's a tough thing to get used to. You do get used to it, as with all things. Time heals those wounds. But it is a weird thing on a holiday to not be with your kids, because it's just it's natural and it's it's something that you do. And so, you know, we'll be without the kids on Thanksgiving. I've been doing it for over a decade now, so I'm very much
used to it. But I'll never not think about them, and wonder you know, I've talked to them and obviously we'll face time and all that, and it's wonderful and we have a great relationship with their mom, but we don't spend holidays together, and so if you are going through that for the first time, the second time, third time, and it's still raw for you, I feel you and
it will get better. And just you know, Holiday is just today, but it's there is a loneliness to that when you're missing your kids on those days.
So it's your advice, you know.
It's it's terrible advice. It is the time heels those wounds. You will get used to it and it becomes the new normal.
But I think one important thing you did was you found chosen family like you started, because if you weren't with your kids, you also didn't have family living near you in California during those years, and you found really good friends and made those friendships and they took you in and shout out to Chip unless our our friendship.
Now infamously we can't go a week without mentioning Chip. But they were and they were really good. You know. I had I had dear friends who looked out for me and said, Hey, if you're not with anybody this Easter or this Thanksgiving or whatever, come to our house. Just just show up Christmas night. Don't be alone Christmas night,
come show up. So finding that community, finding friends, don't just sit alone in your own thoughts, and look, if you don't have that, go volunteer, go to a soup kitchen, volunteer, be active, be around people. And I think there's things you can do where you can volunteer for Thanksgiving, for Christmas and all that, or if you have other friends you can be with that you know will kind of
take you in, so to speak. I think that is important and it doesn't make you just forget everything, but at least you're surrounded by love and you're surrounded by that. And I'm so grateful for Chip and lists were that for me for many years, especially when it first started, because you don't know, you don't know what to do.
You've had a set thing your whole life and then all of a sudden, and I'm guessing to put this back on you, it's a little bit like when you lose somebody, you know, when your dad first died.
Yeah, of course my mind is going there a little bit right now as you're talking about this, because we talked about this a lot when I was doing experience camps where I volunteered for kids who have lost their parents. The holidays are hard when you've been through loss, especially when that loss is fresh because everybody around you is so happy. The focus is on family, and you're one less. You know you're missing a person and you're it's not even a divorce thing where you're going to see them
the next time, you know. If so, it's a harsh reminder for sure. I think the same time heals wounds. I would say, if you're going through grief right now, my heart is with you, and I love the saying grief is a river. It is always moving and always changing. So you know you will always miss that person, but things, the harsh pain will get better, it will lessen and you will find joy in their memory, and things will get better and the pain will change. So know that
it will get better. Know that we are with you.
And I guess you said, what's your advice. My advice is, if you are that person, it's incumbent upon you to try and find something and make yourself busy, find a commune, something like that. But I would also say my advice is for people out there. If you know someone, if one of your friends has just gotten divorced, if they have just lost somebody, reach out to them this week and just say hey, if you're not doing anything, And
I get it. Maybe you don't want them there for the actual meal if it's very sacred just to have your family there, but just say, hey, we're going to be done eating around five five thirty, come over and watch the football game with us after or just something, yeah, to try to just reach out to them.
Well, you know what I was thinking about as we were just saying, we can choose our own Thanksgiving. I am such a big believer in chosen family and friendships being just as important as family, and also in like, you know, Thanksgiving, at the end of the day, it's kind of just about food and people, right, Christmas move gifts or you have religious aspects to that. Thanksgiving is about food and people and so and being grateful hopefully,
so I think, like, find your people. I love that friends Giving has become a bigger thing in recent years, and I.
Think that Giving can be that holiday where you choose who you want to be with. Yeah, whereas Christmas obviously is a very religious holiday and it's typically with your family. Right.
I think as you and I move forward, and for anybody out there, as you move forward with what you want to do, like, I love that you're making a tenderline on Thanksgiving. You know who cares in my I've been at Thanksgivings before where the tradition was, you know what, Uh, we don't really want to do this whole big turkey thing. Why doesn't everybody make something and bring your thing you're going to make, and well what everybody makes and you
can really have fun with it, and I don't. I have suddenly some family members who are very tied to tradition. I'm not so much.
Yeah, I wasn't. I remember vividly the first Thanksgiving after my divorce, because you know, we've been married for seventeen years. The kids were for you know, we're ten years old, and so they'd grown up with these traditions, and so I just thought, let's shake it up, and so I took them on a Disney cruise. I grab the kids and I grabbed my mom, and I know we're not cruise people, but we went on a Disney cruise for Thanksgiving. I was like, what the heck, let's just I just
wanted to make the kids, just distract them. They're like, oh, this is okay, and so I've yeah, exactly. So that's what we did. And there were a couple of friends and they brought their kids, and that's what we did, and so and then we kind of found our place. But when you ask me, like, okay, what would our tradition be, or we can start one, well, kind of every other year, it's going to be. You know, it's a little different because the kids are with us, then
they're not. The kids are with us, and then the kids get older, right, and then they're probably going to get married, and then they'll have their truth, you know. So it's interesting. I'm a big believer of I will go where family is, I will go where the love is. I'm all in. If it's this year, it's your family and we're going to Chicago. If next year we happen
to host it, great whatever. If that's where we can gather everybody, that's really all I care about is if you're there as much family, as many friends as we can see, that's great with me totally.
I was thinking before we sat down, you know, I mean, maybe my favorite part of Thanksgiving is going around the table and acknowledging what everybody's grateful for, because it's a really good moment in a chaotic, busy world to pause and reflect and I am so grateful for this year. I think we've had. When I look back, I've had, you know, just some really good trips with friends. We were so lucky with both of the weddings. They went so well. We were surrounded by so much love. The
kids are in a good, healthy, happy place. My siblings, my mom, you know, your parents. Everybody's like, you have to be really grateful for a good season. So I just want to soak that in and really pause and be thankful and reflect on that.
And I know we live in tumultuous times and there's crazy things going on around the world, so I think it's really really incumbent upon all of us this week to just take a deep breath and also give thanks and that's what Thanksgiving is all about. And so yes, we can look at the dark side of things and talk about that, and no doubt those topics will be brought up at Thanksgiving tables in an unbelievably awkward way.
And by the way, that'll be a good show afterwards to try and find people to come on the show, like, Okay, who is the person that brought up that really awkward moment topic of.
By the way, as I'm sitting here saying toxic family members. Look, I've laughed with my friends about this. Sometimes you want the crazy aunt at Thanksgiving. You don't know what she's going to do. You want a story out of it. You want to grab your cousin, go in the other room and say, did you hear what she just said? Like maybe that's the best part of Thanksgiving is.
The crazy And there is a lot of that, But embrace it all. And I have so much to be thankful for this year. Obviously, I'm sitting right next to what I'm most thankful for this year, the love of my life and getting married and the kids being healthy. It's a good season, and so we have a lot
to give thanks for. And one of the things we can give thanks for is you, guys, and the fact that we've all been together this year, and we've been doing this podcast for going on a year now, and we've enjoyed so much talking to you and so on these holiday weeks, we love to connect. And I hope wherever you find yourself, whoever you're with, I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful holiday and be safe and come back to us, because we have a lot more to
talk about happy Thanksgiving everybody. Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most dramatic pod ever, and make sure to write us a review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.