Misspelling with Tory Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. This is very exciting for me. So here we are two iconic virgins from TV. I played a virgin, Donna Martin on nine O two and zero on scripted TV. You are an actual virgin, and you're on TV on your new reality show Virgins on TLC, premiering June ninth at nine pm. I am super excited.
So am I?
Hi, Tori Heynali Wait, I know something you don't know.
I'm curious what I got?
A screener? I know you haven't seen it yet. I saw it.
I saw it a screener, a trailer.
You mean I saw that episode?
Oh okay, lucky you. I'll have to wait one more week.
I mean you filmed. It's you know, I.
Haven't seen what actually made the final cut?
Oh right, right right?
Part of the journey.
Gosh, I don't know where I want to start. How did they find you? How did TLC? Like?
I found them?
Actually I found them.
I found the casting breakdown on social media. Almost It's been quite a journey. Life is a journey. But yeah, I saw it on social media and I applied, and now here we are.
What did it say? Virgins wanted.
Yeah, oh they had an age bracket. And then if you're looking for love, which I have been doing all my life, if you know, if you're a virgin, and we want to hear your story. And I was open and authentic and vulnerable throughout the whole process. And yeah, they loved me, I guess, and I love them. It's been a wonderful experience.
Oh my gosh, what if it had been like a competition show and you didn't know, and like instead of getting a rose at the end, like you get like lube and they're like and here you go, you're gonna lose your virginity.
You know, I would have been fine with a lot of alcohol. Just wasn't that a point in life where you know, I'm all about new experiences and as long as ye as long as it didn't cause any physical pain, which who knows, I would have just gone at the floor.
I'm very concerned about your physical pain. I the end of the first episode had me want I.
Oh, you saw the first episode. I don't even know what they filmed included in which episode yet. I'll find out in a week. But listen, whatever physical pain issues challenges I have or had or we'll see. You know, I think childbirth and pregnancy I've heard is so much more painful.
I know. If you're worried about a finger up there, imagine a baby coming out of there. Not did it? You can't even put a tampon up there.
No tampon success. I wasn't allowed to.
Write like I want to talk about that.
Okay, let's chat.
No disrespect to your family, but do you feel like your strict upbringing has impacted you emotionally psychologically?
So let me backtrack and okay, yeah, concise as possible. I was born and raised in America, yes, to immigrant folks from India. At home, it was the Indian world. At school, in the New Jersey public school system, it was the American world. My parents themselves had an arranged marriage. They were virtually strangers when they got married. My father
is older, he was the breadwinner. Both my folks are retired now and my parents, my well intentioned parents, raised me as if we were in some Indian village because that's all they knew. So yeah, growing up, I was forbidden from dating, socializing, no sleepovers, no prom no college dorming, because what do college kids do on campus? Do hanky panky. That's what my dad said.
On campus. It can happen anywhere.
No, well, and you know I'm not so. And then coming back to the whole tampon thing, like, yeah, my mother, my wonderful mother, she never told me what tampons were, Like, I've always used pads to this day. And and even when I learned what a tampon was in school, I never ventured to experiment. I just you know, my dad always told me, my dad's the boss, the red winner. He always said if I if I did anything ever to disappoint him, he would send me back to India.
And I'm like, I don't want to go to India, Tori. I had bracist for seven years. I never even chewed gum. I thought my dad would figure find out because he to this day, I hear in my head five thousand dollar races, five thousand dollar rais, and I was like, he's gonna find it. I chewed gum and he's gonna send me that to India. So yeah, no tampon usage.
A past mere hurts at the wonderful obg I M's office a couple of years ago, I thought I met the one I tried to get an iud inserted, couldn't get it done, and then the guy turned to be a jerk. I've been through helen back, and so yeah, I to your point. I can't imagine what colbirth and pregnancy feel like, really, and I don't think I want to know.
You can get a C section and then they just slice open your stomach. But uh wait, so you said you've been to third base.
Though, so you know about that. Okay, yeah, so I actually refer to myself as a semi virgin, and you know, it's an actual word. I came up with it, but then I looked it up.
A semi virgin, semi virgin. Yeah, you're a virgin. No, no, no, no no.
But you said third base, So.
I don't know what third I didn't know. You explained it on the show. I had no idea, And.
Look, I said a lot of things on the show. I don't know what made the final cut. You've seen the first episode at least.
Well, I'm just saying you said that you were with a man, and you still explained that you went to first base kissing, touching up.
Okay, no, I remember, Okay, so that third base was down, So remind me he oh of the earings he gave me. He's I still think about him, silly me, stupid snelling.
Wait, no, where those errings? Girl? Who cares about him? Like they're breathful?
Oh?
And then he ghosted you right right right?
Okay, can quote men?
I'm I'm a semi fan of men. Oh yeah, I'm gonna semi virgin, but semi fanom men. So he touched you down below? Was there any insertion of like a finger affirmative? Okay? And that didn't hurt?
No, Listen. I wanted to go all the way with him, and he wanted to to He didn't. We neither of us wanted to get me pregnant because I wasn't done any birth control. He never wanted to talk about us for the future. It was really on a daycase by case, month by on month basis. He didn't have a vasectomy before him. I told you I tried to get an aud inserted. That didn't work out. Even before that, I tried to get I tried to go on the pill, I gained weight, I broke out, and then of course
that guy ghosted me too. It's always us women who pay the price, Like why can't men pay the price? Why can't every.
Single man called the condom?
Well, he never wanted to use that either.
Wait, this boy, this boy man.
He was this man who's significantly older than me. That's a whole other story, toy, Hey that rhyme?
Will you tell me about this man?
Oh man? Where do I begin?
Do you feel like? Were you in love with him?
Affirmative? I fall Tori, I fall in love with just one kiss. That is all it takes from me, And for me.
That is not good. I'm worried.
Why is that not good?
Because you crave this intimacy so much that I'm worried you're gonna get There's gonna be red flag guys that are gonna come around looking bad.
This guy was full of red flags? What did I know about them?
Though he didn't want to use a condom, he could pull out?
Wait say that I pull out? What does that mean?
Clearly? I don't really know. I have five kids, but I suppose the method is when they are about to ejaculate, they pull out.
He never went in.
And no, I know, I know because yeah.
He didn't want to get me pregnant. I didn't want to get pregnant.
But whatever. I'm glad you didn't have sex with him. I'm glad you lose. This guy sounds like a dick.
Oh no, he knew something, Tori. He has a daughter who's about twelve thirteen years younger than me. Listen, I'm of Indian descent. We believe in karma and even in American culture, golden rule and so not only means golden like oh my gosh, what goes around comes around like he Yes, true, I firmly believe in that, Okay. I And I know I'm not the only one who only woman of any cultural ethnicity who believes in what I'm
about to say. But every man out there should treat a woman the way he would want his own female blood relatives treated. Yes, daughter, meek, cousin, mom, aunt, whatever. And if I ever see this man again, I'll be like, karma's your daughter. Okay. Oh and by the way, Tori, he's an Equinox member. That's how I met him. I used to work at the front desk at Equinox and Low Casting Production TLC. I apparently you know I'm an
open book. I used to work at the front desk of Equinox and I was only Indian girl who worked at the front desk and Equinox and he was a frequent member. We crossed paths many times, many times, and he introduced himself to me and that's how we met. Oh so then get this, I'm bringing Equinox up because my director lisacial title is field producer. She's also an Equinox member, so she's She told me she was going to stalk him, but then she never did because they
wanted him as part of the show. But then I knew he wasn't going to cooperate because he's a private citizen anyway.
Yeah, a private what citizen?
Well, he's a private person like.
Mike. I love your lingo. I love when you say affirmative, private citizen, self professed prude.
I'm not just beauty. I'm also brains, almost very humble.
No, you just you. I love your your wording for things. Would you go out with a younger man?
Hey? Look, Nick Jonas is ten years younger than Prianca Chopra. You know I want what Chopra has, I really do. I've always been public about that, and he's ten years younger than her. He's a different one.
Do you want cake on the beach, like do.
You take on the beach? That's not his song.
Yeah, this song is that, that's mother.
I don't think that's a Nick Jonah's song. M I look at because look I'm thirty eight. I'm thirty seven on the show. Prianca Chopra is five years older than me. She's my donation. And I grew up watching her in Bollywood movies. So that's the good thing. My parents did the right thing. They watched Bollywood movies with Indian films. That's how That's what influenced me to believe how love and romance is and should be. And then also I
grew up doing Indian classical dancing, so I know. And there's a saying how you dance indicates how you make love. I believe on that too.
I'm really flexible.
Well me too. Yeah, yeah, I grew up watching Preanca chroprom movies since the and then all of a sudden, she ended Jonahs are together, Like how the hell did that happen? Just he found her on social media, He's like, we should meet and then now they've been married for over five years.
Literally he slender dms, he.
Sent her Twitter message and yeah, and then he's like, text me, my whole team can see this, And then they started texting. Yeah, and then she and I read her book. I have her memoir at home. She at first she had her reservations about him because he's a decade younger than her. He probably wants to have kids and settle down. And she had her apprehensions. But then look at them.
Now.
They had a big fat Indian wedding and in American wedding and they adopted it. Oh, they have a daughter through surrogacy and they've been married over five years. That's like a record in right in Hollywood.
In Hollywood. Yeah, anything over seventh is like, because you like, he.
Married an Indian woman. US. Indian women are of a different breed.
I'm telling you, Tory, Okay, I believe you. I like you. I like you too, but it's not me. You have to date like this is fine? Okay, So wait, let's go back to you growing up. Okay, Like, were you allowed to go on playdates? Were you allowed to go to birthday parties?
Selectively? So if as long as my parents knew whose it was at the parents, it had to be a female friend whose birthday I was going to our party, I was going to. I did have a big, fat sweet sixteen party. There were there were a few boys from school who attended, who came who I was allowed to invite. But doing the slow dancing part, I danced with my dad and my cousin's husband, you know, like that was it? Like I didn't dance with any of the guys who came to my sweet sixteen because.
We allowed to allowed. Like you're an independent person, But did you ever hug a boy in school?
Like I gave friendly hugs to the boys who came to Fiste. I did, and my dad was there, and I'm sure he saw it. He'd make a scene or anything of it. It was just a quick friendly hug, Toria. I was. If I did anything to disobey my parents, my father told me he would send me back to India.
And I mean that's called it. No, I know it now, right, But you were terrified at the time.
Oh, I mean I.
Had a pretty strict upbringing, and you know what would happen because of that upbringing when I would go to parties and when I would like be free, I literally wouldn't be really a little disruptive and a little rebellious. Did you ever do that.
Because of it, I got intoxicated at twenty nine at a New Year's Eve party. I landed in the hospital in the er.
I'm sorry about that, but woo, I'm.
Talking twenty nine at twenty nine.
Twenty nine, Like before you went to college, did you at high school parties? Did you ever just like like, woo, No, I'm not trying drinking, Like I don't know.
I wasn't allowed to.
They weren't there, but they would find out, you thought. Wow.
I didn't start drinking till I was twenty one and a half, and then I was hooked. Worry. You know what my favorite drink is. Are you ready for this? Sex on the beach? I know the irony? Oh and another irony. India dating was forbidden. You already know that. We never talked about the s words sex. It was taboo, Like I really thought that's something that people only do, are only able to do after marriage. That's how I was raised. So we never even talked about it. It
was a taboo subject. But then get this, India created the Kamasutra. Great fast forward to now, India is the world's most populous country. How did it get that way? Because people there are doing hanky panky.
Sorry you don't like sex. He's like calling it making love. But I understand.
And you know what else I wasn't allowed to do. I wasn't allowed to watch American TV shows. I wasn't even allowed to watch your show. I only watched Full House and that's how I learned English and then oh yeah, really esl England and Full House. And even when Uncle Jesse, for instance, I was kissing a girl, I had to choose the channel. My dad would come into the living room and he's like, what are you watching? Jesus? This is dirty?
But on some level, I know you're saying that's all they knew. But they knew they were raising you in America, I know, right, so they had to see that.
So get this.
Do you talk to them now about it? Or do they feel any remorse or bad that?
Or they are super duper disappointed that I have not married some Indian guy and popped grandkids for them? Yes, they're very.
Did you say, hello, this is their fault?
What do you mean? I've had many I are.
Still disappointed, And have you had the conversation or I don't know how you talk to your parents but saying that you know, perhaps the way you raised me it was in America, Like maybe it was a little too strict and maybe that is.
The day of college graduation. I was driving home from the ceremony and my dad. I was driving and my dad was in the passenger seat, my mom and I was younger sister who's LGBTT good for her? Love is love?
Yeah.
My dad was like, we're going to get you married off now. And so I had just graduated with a fine degree from Rutgers University in New Jersey. I had my job secured on Wall Street, Manhattan, the Big Apple, and my dad's we're gonna getting married now, and my jaw dropped. I turned to him. I was still driving, and I was like, you've never let me have a boyfriend, and now you want me to get married, like to who?
And he's like, I'll find you somebody. So that's been a decade plus battle and they've tried to set me up, but no luck. I am two. There's three things going on here, Tori. I'm too tall for Indian guys, and we're talking how I'm five eight without heels and that's too tall for most Indian men ninety nine per seven that's number one. Number two, and look, I've only been kissed by six men? Was the sixth one? The three were back in New York. There were all Indian guys.
This was in my twenties. What was I thinking?
What and how old were you when you got your first kiss?
Thirty six?
Twenty six?
They were all Indian guys, back and back in New York. Now I'm looking back and thinking, what was I thinking? An Indian guy could be my long lost brother?
Are like you?
So then that's number two and then number three are On a more serious note, I'm very ambitious. I'm a workaholic. I have a finance degree, I went to business school. I'm too ambitious for an Indian guy. They're intimidated by my work ethic.
Hence Frianka Chopra.
Married Nick Jonas because some Indian guy would be intimidated by her success.
Yeah, I feel like you're going to marry American guy. I just feel it.
We'll see at this point in life, especially with what I went through with. Look, actually previously married. He has two drum kids in the twenties. Look, I'm just being honest. Marriages do fall apart, right, they can. It's unfortunate even in the Indian culture. It's but it's happened, right, It's yeah, of course what it is like at this point in life, I'm actually afraid to get married because I don't want to ever get divorced. That's why I'm married.
To my career. I'm like, you have so many fears. Oh my god, I thought I was bad. Oh my god. I just want to hold you.
Virtual virtual.
Okay. Wow. So your parents still to this day have not said, you know what we wish we had compromised and done things a little bit different. Raising you here in America.
My dad, like most men, Indian or non Indian, super proud.
Not you won't.
You won't admit any fault, did.
Your What about your mom? Though?
My mom all my life has been powerless. She's always been there, but she's never had any power or any voice. And actually, fast forward to today, Torri, my mom was battling Alzheimer's.
Oh I'm sorry, she's there.
She recognizes me, but her health is rapidly declining. She really can't say anything anymore. But it's sad. Anyway, health is wealth. I firmly believe in the health as well. Nothing else matters. And happiness. Yeah, anyway, that's true. Yeah, there's still just this was over this past weekend. I was there here visiting us here in America right now, I was watching a Netflix co Wait, they moved back to Indiana. Yeah, so they're retired. They split their time
now between India and America. Right now, they're in America for my mom's medical treatment. And this it was just a few days ago. I was visiting them and we were watching this Netflix special of an Iranian American comedian stand up comedy. For the most part, he was family friendly, but there were some sexual innuendos, and my dad's like, this is filthy, this is dirty. Change the channel. What is he doing? And this was like two or three
days ago. He still like that, and then he wonders why he doesn't have grandkids.
What do they think about you doing this show?
Oh, they know about this show because this has been a long journey, right, and casting had interviewed with them. They were in India at the time, Okay, and then when filming finally began, they were still in India and my mom's health really started to decline. So then they
opted out of decline of participating. Right, it's funny were how this conversation right now, Tori was right, while we're It was after the Netflix special that we were watching that guy, that comedian, and my dad asked me, what's going on with you? Whatever happened to that program? In Indian culture they call a show like a program? Yeah, well, look, I know what I filmed, and I didn't let my up strict upbringing stop me from participating in the filming experience, right.
And I'm really grateful to the production and to the network for being so respectful, generous and non judgment until about my prudish ways and whatnot. But the fact of the matter is a lot of the things I did, my dad would find h jaw dropping and disappointing, Like he was gasping at the male comedian talking making sexual references. And this was just on stage to a live audience, right, making jokes. So my I just all I told my
dad this was just a few days ago. I'm like, we will filming rapped, they're editing, and I don't know when it's gonna air. That's what I told my dad over the weekend. I don't want him to see the show.
This is your dad read things online. I mean, your name is going to be everywhere by the way, I'll.
Deal with it.
Then, Okay, sure, yeah.
We'll I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
Sounds good to me. Let me know how that goes. I'll try it back in.
Wow, here's my philosophy in life, Tori. At this point, it's better to seek forgiveness than to seek permission. If I told my dad before filming began.
Now, I don't like that term. My ex husband said it to me all the time about shit and not very triggering. So but I don't know, I understand in your case, yes, I agree with that. Oh yeah, wait, I am worried though, Like I don't even know if this is a thing. But like our bodies, I feel like are made, you know, we were put on this earth. We have a certain we have a hole and man has a famal like it's supposed to work, supposed to fit together in a way to pro create and create children.
I've heard like, could something have happened that you went too long? This is this is where my like I watched too many horror films and like something sealed over, like it's closed, like it's the skin just sealed.
Well, nothing's ever been inserted. Right, Like most of you know, most women worried they were tampon starting in their teenage years. I never did that.
I wasn't allowed to. My mom got me the belt. Do you even know what that is? No, it's it's archaic. Her mom got it for her, Her mom had it. It's a pad and they snap it to a belt you wear. That went over big with my friends.
I don't even know what you're talking about.
Please don't. It's it's like worse than a pad. But yeah, I wasn't allowed to wear tampons ever.
Here's here's what I'm thinking. Like, I learned the term baginismus through this filming experience. I didn't know what that was at the Badgie Miss, what's that like?
Vaginal Christmas?
That's what my friend Laura said, is a Christmas in your virgina?
Who sounds like a party?
It's a metic It's a serious.
Messimust only comes one time of year. Want me to keep going.
It's a real medical condition apparently, And it's when the vaginal muscles tighten and they spasm when and pain happens when something is inserted. And so I didn't even know about the term until the filming filming journey began and my showrunner Candace was like, do you have faginismus? I'm like, what's that? So I was. I was googling it while I was zooming with her, and I'm like, yeah, except no doctor's ever told me I vaginousness. But like I this was last summer. So do you have affirmative?
I'm gonna start saying affirmative. It's so sexy. I like it, like smart sexy.
Affirmative is fans is a fancy word for yes, and negative is a fancy way of saying no.
Wow, but not positive, just just affirmative. Yeah, uh okay, So you do have that? That is confirmed not but the gynecologists didn't find it. Your producer found it.
That's where I first learned the term yes from my shouldrunner. About a couple of weeks later, I went to see my gynecologist and I'm like, do I have this? She's like yeah. I'm like, well, you never told me I have it. Well, she's like, well you never brought up that there's a man in your life, you know, because they know, like I've never had intercourse.
Right, and so yeah, is there a cure for it is there.
Treatment, that's what the filming journey was.
Okay, we can't say okay, that's going to be part of the journey. Okay, Oh oh my god. Like what if the treatment is sorry, you don't like sex making love?
What if that?
I mean a man.
I want a man who's going to be not ghost to me.
That's what. You're beautiful, you're smart, you're funny. No, this isn't about you. That was him like that. This has nothing to do with you. It's in your head that it's all you because you're like, oh, they're not gonna like me because of this. This, this is not you.
There's two parts to this predicament. Well, one part of the whole vaginisms my emotional barriers. Okay, fine, that's something I have more control over, right, But it's a journey. It takes time. Right. The second aspect of this predicament is men. And having lived only in la and New York. Look, I'm I'm in my late thirties. Now I've only encountered men who are anti committal and anti monogamous. It's the story of my life. Whether he's Indian or non Indian.
Even babe, you're drawing that in. That is what you're drawing in. What can I GI's you coincidence? You're getting these types over and over. I'm speaking to you, yet I'm seeking to myself.
And I agree. I've heard of that there too, that I'm the common den.
My friend said, my picker is off. Your pickers off. It's what you're you're picking these people your picker. You got it.
That's what I'm attacking.
Right, it's white you're attracting. It's the energy you're attracting. I have a friend that says Tory could be in a room with a thousand men and she will always pick the one that's gonna be noncommittal. Not always, it's like she just draws them right in.
Let me ask you this, toy, Why does society always blame the.
Woman who's blaming the woman?
Oh you just said your friend said this about you, And I'm like, well there if you just said it too, right, it's always the one's fault. Why can't a man change? Why can't men be monogamous and committal? He has a daughter, like.
You know, men the emotionally, I just think it's it's it's very difficult. I think it's hard for me because I grew up watching, you know, all the fairy tale romances and the cartoons and the movies, and so I really believed those are the boys, the men that we get. And then when it didn't happen, I was just like, oh, like, men cheat, men lie, men.
Some men. Some men will say that women lie because we were makeup. Look, I'm the same as you. I grew up watching those romantic Bollywood movies. I thought that's how life is.
Right, and then you get here and you're like, well, reality.
Is far different from what you see on the real.
I know, and it's not fair because right our counterpart, our partner, you know, we're great, and then we need to find are are you on a dating app at all?
I used to be not anymore.
Did you ever go on dates from that dating app?
Handful? They were all negative experiences.
Yeah, it's what I've heard. Yeah, but how do you meet people? That's the thing.
Well, I got hit on a lot at Equinox.
Yeah, No, I work.
Look, I don't date as per the exact definition of dating. But if I were to serendipitously meet a man with whom I have a natural chemistry and ctibility, with and if he then invites me out for a coffee, drink, whatever, then I explore that further. That's how I date. And I believe in friends. I believe in friendship as the foundation of a romantic relationship, but I do not believe in friends with benefits.
No.
Oh. And then also what I learned through life is that I am a demisexual, which falls on the spectrum of asexuality. I don't crave sex. I crave companionship and love. And the definition of a demisexual is that someone like me needs a very strong intellectual and emotional connection first with a man before I can let anything physical happen. And the problem, a challenge I face in society is that ninety nine percent of men want to go straight
to the physical. They don't want to take the time to get to know me.
And there's got to be ones that think on a higher plane, that think they they gotta exist. I think I'm a demni sexual. I think so, yeah, I really like, I'm all about the brain and the creative, like, like, if I connect with someone, yeah, I much rather that than like that, like, don't send me a dick pic.
I'm like, yeah, you like And then I've also heard from other people through life that what the sex wears off. I'd even heard from men sexist and everything. But then these men also goes to me when they when I because.
That's interesting to me that men don't want to go further once you tell them you're a virgin, because you would think that a man would be like, oh my god, I could be her first. This is gonna be great.
That's what it was. But then he also didn't want to commit and we never went all the way.
I hate that guy. I'm surprised that they're like turned almost turned off when you say you're a virgin.
Why no, I look, I went on three dates for the show, right, I don't know what those guys said said about me and what they thought of me. I'll find out when I watched the show.
I could tell you. No, I'm just kidding. I didn't like that guy on episode one that you want to.
Date with first date, the pink blazer guy.
Yeah, I didn't like him.
I was a joker.
I don't know. I didn't find I'm attractive.
Sorry agreed.
Affirmative. Yeah, I don't know. I just feel like that's every man's fantasy to be a guy girls first.
No, yeah, but here's my I want my one and only. Yeah, that's that's the that's the that's the contradiction.
Of your one and only, like you want one and done. No, no, no no.
That's the Indian side of me talking Tori. You won't.
We can't get that inside out of your brain.
I Tori, seriously, I have never been the kind.
To You're very controlling. Thank you for yourself, not for others like you are very like I've.
Said this on the show, like the blessing. The combination of being Indian American is both a blessing and a curse because I know both cultures and me being the way I am when it comes to my personal life, that's my Indian values screaming at me. It really is. Those strong South Asian values are ingrained in my soul and I can't help it. This is how I am. Like look career wise, I'm all American, right, I'm very ambitious, business school of all Street. This is who I take
it or leave it. I can't help it.
I just don't like I'm worried that if you have sex with one person, like I don't want you to ever wonder like what would it be like with somebody else, or or what if it's not great sex? And you're like, but I had sex with this one, so I have to marry him, and this is it for me, like both of me.
So we already at him.
We're not talking about him. But let me wait. I have a question, are you still, like, technically, would you still be a virgin if you had anal sex?
I don't have the qualifications to answer that question.
You just got two business for me. You don't have the qualifications? What what do I know? I heard a rumor that, like certain religions believe they won't have sex before marriage, but they think like having anal is like, well, I lose my virginity, so it's different. Have you heard this.
I heard a little bit kind of yeah, yes.
You don't have the qualifications. Yeah you do, you have a butt.
Yeah, But like, I'm also a prude, So like, who am I to answer what you asked? Oh?
You should you're self professed prude. I don't think you're a prude.
What makes you think I am not a prude?
I think you use that to control the narrative of what why you do certain things? So you say I don't know. I'm just a prude because then it gets you off the hook.
I'm a proud prude.
I'm a proud prude. Oh, I can't wait till you're reformed prude.
What does that means?
I don't know. I'm not sure. I spend one night out in the town with me. I'll get you to doing things.
Sister, my favorite drink is sex WEEPI why didn't you choose that?
You did it on purpose?
You know. My first drink ever, I was twenty one and a half. It was actually a screwdriver that's Orange Co vodka. And then what is happening right? No? And then I in my twenties, I was addicted to cocktails. That was all I would have and I'm like, I love And then my friends, my femal friends, you know, we used to go out and my parents, even in my twenties, my parents knew who I was going out with. My mom would bug me like when you come home, you know, like and.
Even when you get intoxicated, you don't feel like a little bit like ooh, letting lose? Like do you have an alter ego? Sonali? I do. Her name's Terry. She comes out after about three drinks. She's so fun and she does thinks I would never do for my bid would crude? Terry goes, Wow, she just likes the party.
I like parties too. I'm a social extrovert.
No, not like not like I don't like parties, but like she's like, whoo, like it's the same life for the party.
Like she's like, ah, I do become a different person after a few cocktails?
Yes, oh yes, like how like like I never I've never.
Hooked up with a guy.
I done that. Like do you become like more like loud, fun like like more extroverted? You do?
Affirmative?
Yes, more like not prudish. I don't even think prude is has to be sexual. Do you curse when I'm really mad?
Yes? Usually an everyday conversation. Now, because that's another thing my dad planted in my head. He would always use the F word left and right, so you couldn't you know, So then my sister and I, you know, kids, we pick up what our parents do and say right in any culture. So then my sister and I would start using the F word, and he reprimanded us. You said, Indian girls don't use bad words. And then in my head. I was thinking girls, girls can't do that, but then you can.
So sexualized. It's it's so double standard, it's so messed up. What's your favorite curse word?
Mh, I've never thought about that before. I have to think about it. I'm not mad right now. I no curse words come to mind or anything.
You.
I had a job once where I had a bitch boss. I did, and I started using the word the term bitch boss left and right.
I just I like that bitch boss. Okay, I won't do this to you anymore.
I'm also not supposed to use profanity. But anyway, you asked me a question, so.
Oh my, the list of things you're not supposed to do.
No comments.
But you're a workaholic, you're allowed. You're not supposed to work either.
I was supposed to plopped a million kids by now, right.
I just want to talk to your dad. I just want to talk to your.
Good luck.
Just really, I'm very charming.
Ago. What's that his birthday was two days ago? Give them a hug. That's me asked about the show because we were talking and I kind of dis dodged the bullet.
If somebody is going to tell him I saw your God, I just got so fucking passionate, and I.
Just sort it already happened.
Someone is going to I'm just telling you right now, your name is going to be everywhere because this show, by the way, is so good, it's going to make you.
Yeah, I'm so thrilled to hear that toy happened. What you're saying, So.
It's so good. I can't believe no one's done this sooner and next. I want them to do a competition version of it, and I want to host it because I'm the world's most famous virgin on TV.
You know, Torri had already actually did happen. Listen to this, so what listen? Hear me out. Funny story, but it's true. When I was twenty nine, my dad told all my extended family, because I come from a big, fat Indian family that most of them are in New Jersey or in India. My dad told all my extended family that I was already married. I had a small out of private ceremony and we're I'm settled down. This was I
was twenty nine. I'm like, okay, fine, Tory. I was thirty three when I went on The Doctor Phil Show. That was the first time I publicly revealed my vico on the.
Doctor phil Show.
Because he was I saw something else, Doctor Phil, I say, December twenty twenty, Okay, we're all stuck at home. I had nothing else to do, right. I was scrolling social media and I saw posting on Instagram. The Doctor Philip Show was looking to help millennials with their love life. So I sent in my spiel and they loved me.
They had me.
So then that was December twenty twenty, and I didn't tell my folks. They were stuck in India during the lockdown during the pandemic. March twenty twenty two, my final grandparent passed away. There's a I didn't go to the funeral. I cried here America was very close to her. My aunt in New Jersey, my dad's older sister. She went to India for the funeral because it was their mom who passed away. My aunt saw my doctor Phil Clip.
Go and told you and told your family, yes, because.
She was My dad told me this a few days after the funeral. We were video chatting and he was like, you know, your aunt she told me that she found your doctor Phil Clip you're talking about virginity at age thirty three? Why did you go on on online and talk about that? Because I told everybody at twenty nine you were married, and you started yelling at me. I hung up, that's what do you I can't. I still
do to this day. I still don't know what he told her because obviously he lied, right, he was ashamed of the truth. So if he was ashamed at twenty nine, then I wasn't married at you know, how do you think he feels now?
So yeah, but I'm just I'm just pre warning you that somebody, because they're going to see you everywhere, is going to be like.
Ps, she's thirty seven and still not married.
Always on a reality show about virgins.
Oh well, across that bridge when I get.
There, Oh my gosh, Like this is wild.
Look the East and the West. It's different values and standards and ways of thinking. But neither is right nor wrong. They're just different.
I understand.
It is what it is.
It can change though. We can always evolve. We don't have to be stuck in the past.
I agree.
You know, that's like US American women saying, you know, well, in the nineteen fifties, like you know, women were home cooking and men went to work and that's all we did was raise children and you know, cook and service drink when he got home.
Show you something. This is the only thing I cook smooth. When I was thirteen, my dad tried teaching me how to cook Indian food. I was like, why I have you guys than my mom and my dad, And he's like, you have to learn how to cook so you can cook your Indian husband. I'm like, screw that, But I didn't say screw that.
I'm like, by the way, American men like like food too, so I don't want to cook. But again, like what if I had been Like what if that existed? Like that's the way it is, Like that doesn't exist. We've evolved, We've changed. Like you know, I still have friends that have married and they're stay at home moms and that's the life they I'm driven, I'm a workaholic. I would never do that. But like he needs their own right, So why in India does it does it all still
have to apply? Why haven't they evolved?
They have evolved. It's the world's most populoust country. How did it get to be that way?
Because the men are still working and have their women in home popping out kids. But it's not.
It's complicated.
It is complicated. It's just I don't know.
All I know for sure is that I don't have a biological clock. I have a beautiful Bulova watch stuff. I do like that watch, and I bought myself financially independent.
Oh here's what I need you to do. What I need you to look into freezing your eggs? Oh boy, yeah, those are my parting words to you. I need I need you to do that because no one told us this, like that there's a time clock, and it's like, well, what if you later in life meet the person and you're like, gosh, I wish I had had kids. And I feel like every woman should do it because you never know what's going to happen, even young women like.
No, Tori, that'll be another show. I'll be filmed around town trying to make that happen.
Can I produce sure? Okay? Okay? Oh oh oh, toy.
I want to I want to ask you something like your character.
Yes, Donna.
Look, I wasn't allowed to watch the show. Full House was an extreme exception, right, but anyway, I read about it. When I knew it, we were going to meet like this, your character is Catholic. Yes, the fourth guy I ever let kiss me, he was Catholic, okay, and all we did was kiss. This was after that he knew about the V card, and so I had.
Did you call it a V card?
Well, I was on Tammer and Hall show and she also called it the V card.
Yeah, okay.
So then he knew that my body count was zero. This was before mister T. I asked him what his body count was he said ten or twelve. In my head, I was thinking, you don't even remember, like, and he was Catholic and so and you know, and I brought about the seven sins. I'm like, he's a hypocrite, like ten or twelve he didn't practice. What kind of Catholic is he?
Really?
Also then he was like, oh, I want two or three kids, And I'm like, what do I look like a machine?
Like yeah, that's just a conversation, like we all want what we want. Like I grew up in a family there were two kids, so I always thought like, oh, I want two kids, doesn't mean I'm like no, no, no, Yes, my character was Catholic. And that was a big reason
I think she held onto her virginity. But also I got to say, like I loved that character for that reason, because I can't tell you over the decades how many people people still say it that women and men were like you know, girls and boys were like you showed that it was okay, you could still be normal, Like you could be popular, you could be cool, you could you know, because people think like, oh, the virgin, like no one wanted to.
Here's how I look at it. Everybody is a virgin until some point in their lives. Yes, a culture or ethnicity or religion, so like I'm not a.
Freek oh my gosh. Numbers were really huge for me. I in American terms, I think I lost my virginity kind of late. Like all my friends already had like are you talking on the show or like no, no, no in real life.
No.
In the show, it was season eight, so I was in my twenties. Yeah, but I ended up marrying him, so that was fine in the show. Oh okay, and David and Donna. It's the twenty fifth wedding anniversary this year. Oh yay, still going strong on TV. Everything lives and keeps going and is great on TV. But yeah, I remember a number thing was really important to me, Like I cried when I lost my virginity in real life, and my friends were like, and it was my first boyfriend,
like we were in love. He was the nicest guy, probably the last nice guy I ever dated. And it's not sure I married one but my first husband. But yeah, I came home and cried. I was devastated because it was such like a big change. It was such like, oh my god, what did I do? Something's gone. I felt like I was you know, I wasn't happy, and I just remember being home in bed and crying for like hours. And then like numbers were always a big thing to me. I don't even know why what you like,
I have not slept with that many men. I haven't, but I got to say when I went off one hand, that's probably a lot for you. But yeah, when I went to number six, I cried again.
Well, I don't know why we put ourselves through that.
Really, I don't know why.
Why are we crying? And when it comes to love and dading, like anything.
You you want to be one and done? What do you mean?
And even with his men anymore? He pursued me and then he dumped it when I told him I love you. Like what am I supposed to have done? Tell him I hate you and tell him to rotten hell? Like, what is wrong with love? I think?
Wait, you told him you loved him first? Yeah, oh no, no, no, you have to play games with men.
I hate I hate games. Well, well I know that that's what everybody does. But like, I'm very straightforward.
You have a lot of rules. We got issues, strict standards.
Sonali does have strict standards. No.
I like that you stand up for your self. I like your confidence. It's beautiful. Actually, it's refreshing. I really love this conversation. I didn't even know what to expect coming in here today, and I genuinely like episode one is great.
But wait we t minus seven days.
It is great, but it's fairy like seeing you and talking you day. There's so much, so many facets about you. I am literally obsessed with you. Thank you, and I'd love to meet you one day.
I'm on board. Let's make it hand and.
I'm going to produce a show where you freeze your eggs.
Let's do it.
I'm really good with puns and jargons, slogans. I'm gonna come up with something. Okay, we got this.
I can shift in there too, Okay, good.
Yeah, because you're a brainiacc yeah, we're brainiacs.
Beauty and brains.
Woo and bods. You're like, no to proud.
I'm a smoothy addict that this is. Yeah, listen, how you dance indicates how you make love. And I'm gonna wants a dancer. I always a dancer, and we need a certain body type to dance.
You know what. That maybe with women with men, though men are always like, I can't dance, I can't dance. But I've had ones that were good in bed.
You know who can dance? But who's that? Who's an actor from the Sex and the City movie, the first one, Jill, the French guy. His character name was Dante. He wasn't dancing with the stars. He's my celebrity anyway. He can dance.
He's your celebrity crush, one of my celebrity crushes. Yeah, y is he single?
I don't know. I know he has kids. Let's look it up. Things change, right, Let's look it up.
I'm gonna I'm gonna married.
I was the one who called the shots to wrap this up.
I'm an ordin. Yeah, we're wrapping. I'm an ordined minister. By the way, I've actually I used to have a wedding show. I did an Indian wedding once.
Really.
Yeah, I've learned so much. I had such a great time.
I'm just still married.
Yes, all of my couples we did ten episodes. I'm proud to announce all of them are still married.
Hey, the Indian marriage you officiated? How many people who were there?
It was a lot Tori.
I did stand up comedy for a year.
I talked about I didn't officiate that one.
Oh.
I'm also a wedding planner, so I'm an ordained minister. If someone wants me to, I can marry them. But I also planned wedding, so I planned a wedding. Sorry, an Indian wedding officiated.
I did stand up comedy for a year. My promise was dating dilimma, dating dilemmas as a millennial virgin, as an Indian American millennial virgin. One of my graden One of my jokes was, if I ever get married, I don't need a big fat Indian wedding with all that hoopla. Eight hundred brides mes eight hundred people eat you brides, mes and all that. Let's just go to Vegas and call it a day. All that money can go to my facelift in ten years.
It's not just the pretty face, smart girl. So true, so true. Well, thank you, you wish. We have so much. We're gonna do together.
Let's do.
Yeah. I'm gonna freeze your eggs. I'm gonna find you somebody. I'm gonna talk to your dad maybe, and I'm going to plan your wedding. So cool. Drop the mic, drop the v