Miss Bahama Mama

I really for this spring break. I was like, you know what, I want to make this happen and super grateful. We went to Atlantis in the Bahamas, Bahama Mama here, and they were so lovely and just provide it such an amazing environment and time for us, and it was great. Okay, let me start at the beginning. First of all, I just got to say, I came back from my vacation and this is the only thing I came back with. Nice thanks. What does it say? It says Bahamas? Oh yeah.

movie or anything. I don't even know why, I would always get a shot glass and it wasn't for like drinking purposes. But yeah, so I have this like insane shock glass collection from like, you know, a TV movie in you know, Charleston, South Carolina, you know, every place in Canada, like you know, and the places I did visit and I have actually been to. We went to Nassau, which I think there's seven hundred islands in the Bahamas, which I did not know. Nasau is the capital and

it's just like growing exponentially every year. So I was here twice. I came once on a celebrity like one of those celebrity trips. I and Zering was there with me, my brother was with me, a bunch of other celebrities. Oh my gosh, Jean Claude van Dam last time. Let me take that again. Jean Claude van Dam. The first time I was in the Bahamas, was there on the celebrity trip and at the time along with Chris Jenner

and then at the time Bruce Jenner. So that was a fun experience, and Jean Claude van Dam had quite a fancy for me, and he kept coming up but he couldn't say my name, and he'd come up to me and be like lor oh, Lori, and I'm like, and Iron's like Sean Claude vandamn. Like at the time, he was like huge, and he was like, you gotta go for it. He's gonna put you in a blockbuster like action film. And I was like, I'm not that girl.

I'm not like a casting couch girl. And I was like, and he keeps calling me Lori, and he's like Sean Claude Vandamn. He can call you whatever he wants. And I was like, okay, Laurie. It is so to this day my brother Randy and I Randy always looks at me and goes lor and I'm like, yep, anyway, I didn't go for it. Yeah, could have been a huge movie. Star. Oh well. But the second time I was in the Bahamas, I came for Jason Priestley's wedding. Ruthan, you were there.

was like, you know, I'm doing everything on my own. Now, I'm my brain doesn't process things like oh my gosh, booking flights doing like I don't have an assistant, Like it's like, uh so, just just booking the flights alone for six humans was like, oh my gosh. And of course, you know, you know, kids are kids, and they're like, oh, are we in first class? I'm like nope. Are we in business? I'm like nope. So it was a pack flight,

so we got a direct flight there. It was like the last seats available, very last row of the plane. But Bo was so excited and I realized, like he's been to Mexico before, he's been to Maui, but he doesn't remember because he just turned eight, so you know, his memories like he kind of remembers Maui, but not really. So for him, he was like, oh my gosh. He was elated. This was like really truly his first vacation.

And he started packing like days before, which I'm like, you are not my son, because if you know me, you know me. And I throw everything in a bag thirty minutes before we leave for the airport. That's a lot like fifteen Dan stress it. Ruthanna and I go on work trips all the time. That stresses her out really well, A list you have to medicate. She sends me a list the day before and I'm like, that is so kind of you, and you took the time to do that. Do you think I'm going to look at a list.

gonna be out there doing so many things. Anyway, it was it was a good flight. You know. He asked, as all kids do, are we there yet? Are we there yet? That doesn't just happen in the car, It happens on planes too, And I was like, well, nope, four more hours, Nope, three more hours. And our flight there didn't have like the TVs or anything, so I was like, oh boy. And then he's like, oh, snacks. He wanted snacks and I'm like, oh my god. And you know, they didn't have meals on the plane, so

we dealt with that. He had some like pretzels and stuff. But anyway, he was just so excited to get there and we landed. It was beautiful. Well we landed at night, so it was beautiful, but we couldn't see everything. And I said, just wait in the morning, you guys, you're gonna see, it's gonna be like crystal blue waters. We're

on an island. It's gonna be so great. The hotel picked us up, got us to Atlantis, and in Atlantis we had Butler surface and I was like, I mean, you know me, I can't ask for anything, like I feel bad asking anybody to do anything for me ever, like not worthy, not worthy. And we got there and they were like, oh my gosh, you know my kids. Of course my kids go, uh did we see a Starbucks?

Heer And I was like, oh my god, you got to Bahamas and that's what you noticed in the hotel walking up because I'm pointing out, like this hotel they have like they have everything. They have like different towers. I think they have fun different towers. It's expansive, it's huge something for everyone. You really don't have to leave the resort, which we didn't, and you can do so many different activities anything and everything. Oh we had so many plans, you know they had you could go like

swim with the dolphins. Oh of course, my kids because we have pigs. We're like we read on TikTok or we saw on TikTok that you can go swimming with the pigs and so on the way there, we asked the driver. We were like, oh, you know, tell us some great things like and I was like, you know, if we do venture off, you know, out of the resort, we like, you know, not anything touristy or fancy. We want like really like like great food and like where you know, locals eat like we want want that experience.

We like trying new food and everything. And then I said, okay, I got to ask you. My kid's asking about swimming at the pigs and he's like not a fan. And I was like why And my son, Finn goes because they poop everywhere. Have you seen those videos? And it's in literally the videos that people being like, oh my gosh,

I'm swimming with the pigs. I'm playing with the pigs, And then it's like that on Instagram versus the reality that there's someone in the water that literally is going behind and just scooping up poop because they're just pooping everywhere. No way, you just burst my bubble. But I know Finn looked it up and he showed me. He's like, Mom, don't do this. He's so nice. He goes, don't waste our money. On this he goes the pigs poop everywhere. It's gonna be messy, it's going to get everywhere. No

one wants that. And I was like, no, no, no, no, we don't want that. So we did not do that. But there was like a the at Atlantis that you can go like swim with the dolphins and play time with the steamrays and go fishing and do all that stuff. We had all these big plans, but honestly we were so happy just going down to the pools every day. Oh the water park. They have a water park. That was big success. The kids loved that we were there

every day. That was like huge. Going back to our butler the first night, Valentina, and you become like family with everyone. I got to say, everyone in the Bahamas, especially at Atlantis, huge hearts. Everyone is kind everyone is positive, and it's very refreshing nowadays coming from the States that we're in, going somewhere where people are just all positive leading with kindness, you know, just happy and just the

kindness was unbelievable. So but Valentina says, oh, I was like, oh, my kid's like, oh Starbucks, and she's like, oh yeah, And I was like Okay, well, if you're going to get up in the morning, go to Starbucks, like we could go down and have breakfast, like you can get Starbucks anywhere. And she was like, no, give us the order. We will place the order for Starbucks. And I was like what. I was like, oh no, no, no, I don't feel worthy. I can't ask for things. She's like, well,

she's like I'm going to change that. She's like, you're going to learn to ask for things on this trip because that is what this experience is about. We are here to help. And I was like, oh my god, thank you. So yeah, so the kids got Starbucks every single morning. I'm like pointless whatever. But AnyWho, being a big family, you know, we always have to have rooms

where we double up. And they had this beautiful suite that they put us in where we had two bedrooms, so Bo and I were in one and then two queen beds in one room, so Liam and Finn and Stella and Hattie. Although Hattie's Hattie said that Finn was on his device talking to his friends back in La like great, how much did that cost?

this is some meantime I can get some work done. Yeah. Anyway, so they slept late, like every day, so by the time we would get down to the pool, it was like, you know, half a day and it's like okay, but they have a lounge there, so they would go up and have breakfast. Bo was a huge fan of the chicken sausages. He says, no pork, my good boy, chicken sausages. He got that. Every day, he got orange juice. Mama had an espresso and a mimosa. Why because I deserve it.

And it was really funny. Before we left for the trip, my daughter Stella, we had gone to Rolling Loud, first music festival that I've ever been to in my life aside from like iHeart experiences, but like at two day like music festival and it's called Rolling Loud and it's rap music and some of my kids were like, oh my god, we're super into it. So we got tickets, and of course, single mom here I had to take them.

And I was like, oh my god, it's just like thousands of people and they're just dancing and jumping, and I'm sure, you know a lot of people are intoxicated. It's just like loud music. And I'm like, oh my gosh. I'm a good mom. I'm a really good mom. But anyway, she got her toes stepped on so hard at one of the performances that her toenails turned black and blue

and one toenail came off. It was that bad. So she was worried going to you know, another country and being you know, in the pool or the ocean and the sand with the toenails. So the day before we got in to see a podiatrist and we went and he said to me, okay, you know, he patched her up. She was okay, and it's fine, but he said, oh, where are you going? He said, oh, the Bahamas And he said oh with who, Like, are you bringing help? And I said no, no, I don't have that, like

it's literally just me. And he knew I'm getting divorced, and he said, are you medicating? What medicine are you taking? I was like, oh, shoot, I don't have anything. That was my first clue, like, oh my god, Oh my god, am I going to be okay? But yeah, so yeah, it was definitely tricky being a single parent with five kids. Now a lot of people will say to me, my friends will say like, oh, but they're older and the older ones will take care of the younger one. I'm like,

have you met my kids? Oh? Boy? You know, and it's their spring break. They each want to do their own different thing and they do travel as a group. But you know Stella immediately, she's very social. She met friends. So she had like teen friends the entire time from different parts of you know, the country that she met, and she would hang out with them and go do stuff. And one of our closest friends happened to be there. It was her last day there. We got to see

her the first day and Liam did help. He was very helpful and he kind of stuck with me. And it was interesting because the legal drinking age there is eighteen, so he could legally have his first drink. And I was like, he was like, are you okay if I try something? I'm like, yeah, of course you're in the Bahamas. It's legal, you're eighteen. So he's like, okay, which I get.

He got like I think he got a peanut Colada and he was like, this is so weird, mom, Like I'm able to drink here and they can gamble, which we didn't do. But it's interesting because legally they can't drive there till they're eighteen, but they can drink and gamble at eighteen, and here we can't drink gamble till we're twenty one, but you can drive at sixteen. So anyway, little facts, fun facts. Hattie when in ocean a lot. She loves snorkeling. She loved seeing all the fishes and

doing that. Finn did the water park. I did. We did have a cabana and I had to I took photos multiple times to be like, uh, guys, the scenery's great, so you can look out, but if you're on your devices here in the defeats the whole purpose. Like we could have stayed home, you know, and put up on the TV, like the TV screen like an island picture, like it's beautiful out there, like go and one day

the butler at the cabana. She was telling me. She was like, so, she's like, you guys, you have to get off your devices and tablets like and phones like and go out and do stuff. And she's like, you know, when your mom and I were young, because she's fifty, and she said, when we were young, we didn't have

that stuff. And she's like, especially, you know, I grew up here on the island and there was nothing, and our parents would say, you know, get up in the morning and they'd be cleaning the house and they'd say go out, and we'd have to go outdoors and you know, make friends with lizards and make our own toys and climb trees and you know, have fun outdoors and we couldn't come back in until it was like the sun

was setting. And then she said, but she said the highlight was at this time when she was growing up. She said, we had one TV channel, and that one TV channel and it didn't start. TV didn't come on till five PM. She said, So growing up, like kids would be like, oh my gosh, we don't like have clocks and stuff, so we don't know and we see the sun start to go down and we're like, oh,

is it almost time. Is it almost time? And we go in and you're allowed to watch TV from five to eight pm, and she said I would always watch nine oh two one zero and I said, oh my gosh, thank you so much. She goes that. She goes, and my other favorite show, she goes, I Love you a lot, she goes, but my favorite was Punky Brewster and I said, oh my god, Sole Moonfries one of my closest friends. I said, so I texted Sole and Karne was her name in the exchanged texts, and Karine was like, oh

my gosh, I can't believe this. Super excited, but it was just so interesting that it's so different for us. And I was hoping the kids were hearing this and like and then she goes to Bo. She goes and Finn. She was like, so do you guys know marbles? And Bo was like, I know marbles and she's like, you do, I'm impressed. So you do know games and getting outdoors and playing stuff, And he goes, I know marbles. They played it in squid games and if you didn't play

it right, you died. Like yep, there you go. So that's how he knew about marbles. Interesting. So anyway, that was one of the games and squid games, play marbles and yeah, anyway, I have a question. Yes, if you don't mind, please the butler. Uh huh.

everybody in the tower. No, you get a group chat and they titled it uh Tory's Family Vacation and it was I was on it, Liam Stella, Hattie and Finn and all of the butlers and people that worked in the lounge in Atlantis. Everyone could pipe in so if we ever needed anything or had questions, you know, reservations for dinner, the like that we could ask in the chat. But then at the pool, if you have a cabana, they have butler service at the cabana. So there's like

room butlers and pool butlers. Does that make sense? It does? Yeah and yeah. And the first day I was like, oh my gosh, poor fifth child. Yeah, poor, he's so spoiled. He only has one bathing suit and he had outgrown it. And I said, you know what, don't worry. We're going to the Bahamas. We're going to Atlantis. They have everything. It's like the shopping mecca there. Don't worry. We can

get a bathing suit. And he said, okay, okay. So the first day I said on the WhatsApp group chat with the butlers, I said, excuse me, I said, Bow needs a bathing suit. Could you tell me where a store is located that I can go down and get it. And they said, oh no, no, no, we'll go for you and we'll take photos and send to you. I was like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. I said,

oh my gosh. It was Dion, our butler. Dion. I said, okay, great, So he takes photos and he has them all laid out size eight of all the swim trunks, and I showed Bone, we're zooming in on the photo and you want to look, you want to look, and he picks one. I said, okay, great, awesome. So I picked the swim trunks and I said, is there a swim shirt to go with it? Yes? Me being me, I didn't ask

any questions. So he brings up the bag and I immediately see it's like a designer bag, and I'm like, oh boy, and it's I always say the name wrong, Villa brick Quinn, Philip brick Quin, Billip brick Quin. Uh, it's fancy, you guys, It's fancy, and it's yeah, you know, we shop at like Target and stuff. So it was like, oh my gosh, bad on me that I didn't ask.

But I was like, oh, whoa, this is like I remember when, like back in the day and we had tons of money, like I think one time I got Dean and Liam when he was a baby, like matching ones for like Father's Day and you know, live in the life. But I was like, oh god, no, not now, Oh my god, how much.

So anyway, we had amazing time. We went with kool Aid, who they were like, we're gonna give you a VIP tour guide at the water park and I'm like, oh my gosh, this is so fancy. I'm like, okay. And his name, literally, you guys, is kool Aid. And he's not just like a VIP tour guy. He is the face of Atlantis and Bahamas. He's like Internet famous. And he was telling me like all the influencers and he was like Charlie, M'meleon and Dixie and like all these people.

I was like, uh, but my kids were like ooh and yeah. He was like, oh, I've had everyone here and I was like he was super cool. So he took us through the water park. Bo of course, I was terrified, and also I like didn't want to ruin my like extensions because I was like, once they get wet, I'm screwed for the rest of the trip. I was

an excuse, I'm just scared. But BO went on because he hit the requirement on a drop, a water slide that is sixty feet and I'm like what And I'm like cool, like wait wait, I'm like panicking like you're Muff's bow. I'm like is this safe? And he's like yes, he's like the kids go every day like he's fine, he's fine, like younger kids than him, I've gone and he was fine. He loved it, and then the older kids went on one that's one hundred and eight foot drop.

I was like, oh my gosh. Meanwhile, like what mom. Here, I go on the rapid rivers and it was like the Lazy River. And there's like one thing where you get to on your inner tube. BO and I are in a double inner two and you get to it and it like slowly goes down on a mechanical hill, like you there. It wasn't like a whoosh slide, It just slowly goes down. I screamed so loud. Bo's like, mom, I'm like that's weird. So anyway, so that happened. So the water park, huge hit, pool, huge hit. I made

friends at the adult bar. I was like, I really didn't get any like me time, Like I was with the kids the entire time, and I felt guilty. Oh my gosh. I did have a moment though. I took a picture where Stella and I we both had full sunscreen on seventy and we laid out on lounge chairs together on our tummies. I haven't done that. I haven't laid out like since I was in my twenties, like because I was having kids, Like you don't have a

moment to lay out. And we laid down on two lounge chairs on the sand and had the best time. I mean it was only for like twenty minutes, but I was like, this is such a bonding moment. And I'm proud to say that. Everyone calls me a hoarder, but I'm a collector. Thank goodness, I kept all of Now they're back in my juicy couture and ed hardy bikinis from the nineties because Stella wears them all, which

I'm super proud. But I forgot bathing suits as well, and I was like, I'm not going to buy one here, and Stella's like, oh, I have yours. So I put back on my juicy bikini from the nineties and I was like, oh my gosh and my ed hardy bikini and I felt super good. Anyway, I went to the adult school for like one second and then went to the bar and got my Whispering Angel rose mixed with club soda for hydration, of course, and I met this amazing bartender there and he was so great. His name

is Charlton. I just want to give a shout out to him because he was so kind because he was like playing it cool till another woman that worked there came over and I'm blanking on her name, but she was lovely as well, and she was like, well, she came over first, and she was like, I know you, doctor nine O two ande o, And that made me laugh because nine O two and oh, but people always

accuse me of having countless plastic surgery. So I was like, yep, I'll take that and anyway, she was like, I know you, and then he was like, I want you to know that I know you as well. I just want to say anything, and he was like, you're a warrior, you're a champion, you're inspiring, You've been through so much and I just want you to know I'm proud of you. And I was like, oh my god, that meant so much.

And yeah, when I did my interview with Brittany, that's why I wanted to tell her I was proud of her, because I was like someone you don't know, like he made my entire trip saying that, because it hit my heart so hard because I was like, you know what, Yeah, I'm doing a good job. Life is not easy. There's been ups and downs, but I have kind kids. I've raised them to be kind. I'm doing experiences with them and I just keep going. And he was just like I see you, and I know what you do and

you don't. He goes you get knocked down, and I was like, and I get up again. You know me always making jokes and he was like you do and you will continue to and you'll keep going. And I was like, thank you. I needed to hear that. But they were amazing. We went out to some awesome dinners. Two kids did lose their phones during the stay, but Life three sixty, Thank goodness, we're able to track them found them on the property. Very kind people. They turned

them back in, so we got those back. I did have a little tummy issue one day, and it was like a stomach virus. Like it wasn't from the food there, but I was is in the cabana, which had its own bathroom by the way chic and I was sitting there and the kids were on the sand plane getting shells and everything. And Ruthan's gonna hate that, she hates the poop talk, but it was coming out of both ends, and I was like sitting there diarrhea and I'm throwing up in the trash can, and I was like, you

know what, positive note, I'm in the Bahamas. I'm here and it's beautiful, and I'm in a sheet cabana, So if it could happen anywhere, it's happening here. And then we had all these amazing dinners. We got to go to Nobu and conk is the big thing there, Like they have their version of conk everywhere that's like their local and so we had conk many different ways, many different places, and went to Nobu. That was a highlight because we love sushi and the kids were super excited.

And then we had Easter, so we flew out on Easter Sunday at night on a connecting flight, but we got to celebrate Easter there and both was like, but the Easter Bundy's not going to come. I'm like, dude, you're in the Bahamas. The Easter Bunny travels the world. He's going to know you're here. So I said, did they have an Easter egg hunt here? And they said it's in the rapid rivers and I was like, oh cool.

And I was like okay, Bo, let's go. So they had different age groups because what they do is you go on your you know, floats, inner tubes down the rapid Lazy River and they toss in foam eggs. They give the kids a bag, they fill it up, and then at the end they give it back and they give them a bag of candy. So they're they're pretty hard foam eggs. And we're going down and Bo's like, look, look, and he's so excited. He's like, this is the best

Easter ever. And he's collecting eggs. And then I see the older kids and I was like, okay, no, no, no, we're here in this age group. And I noticed the older kids because they're chucking these foamags, which they hurt, and they're chucking them with the little kids and they're hitting bow in the head. And I'm like, okay, I look at this kid, and I said, excuse me. And I won't speak up for myself, but Mama bear are always for my kid. I said, excuse me, excuse me.

I said, you just hit my son in the head. Would you mind not doing that again? And he was like okay, bro, and I was like, one, I'm not your fucking bro, and two, don't hit my kid in the head. But I was like, I didn't say anything. I was like, I was like, okay, thank you so much. And he proceeds to keep doing it. So I'm like, okay, okay. I was at the breaking point. And this kid, he has to be like sixteen, seventeen eighteen. I don't know

why he and his friends were even in there. They must have slipped in because security's really great there, and I like paddle up to him, catch up to him, and by the time I get there, He's now looking at me, and I said, really quietly, I said, come here, come here, and I said, bo earmuffs, and I said, you hit my kid in the head with a foam egg one more time, and I'm going to come back and I'm gonna fucking throat punch you. And he looked at me and he goes understood and he stopped. So

it was a mom will win. So that was the wrap up of our easter. We got on a plane. The kids were like, oh my god, we didn't get souvenirs. I'm like, oh my god, you were just in the Bahamas for a week. This is her souvenir for LIFs. But we meet friends, we made family. Everybody there is obsessed with Nino two and oh. I felt like I was literally I've never felt more famous in my life. And you know, I have no ego. I don't ever say that, but like I was like Madonna in the Bahamas,

like is that even a thing? Who's someone current? Sorry no offense to Madonna. I was like, but that's my generation. I was like the queen like it was crazy. One person even said to me, He's like, we get so many famous people here, and someone's like, oh, Jeff Bezos was here, and I was like, I don't care because look at now. He goes, I have tory spelling. I don't know Jeff Bezos and I was like, well you should. Actually,

I'd like to go into space next. No, I'm just kidding, but I was like, I was like, oh no, no. And he's like, we know your face and we know your legacy and your dad like anyway. So I was like, you know, producer brain always on. I was like to Atlantis, I met all of them. I was like, they were like, we loved your show, the reality show Tory and Dean when you had the B and B. And I was like, oh, will wouldn't it be great if I bring the kids here and we could like live because they have residences.

We could live here and we could do a new reality show here and or we could part of the year. And he was like, well, we'd have to put you to work, and I was like ding ding ding, put me to work. I was like, I'm a tory of old trades. I can do anything. I was like, oh my gosh, I like anyway. So I told kool Aid he has a run for his money because he's the face of Atlantis. I'm like, well, you got a new

co host here, so anyway, moving to Atlantis. But we flew home long Tory story short, we had the best vacation. But wait, there's more. I was like, you know what, once you find home. I was like, we're coming back here every year. Willing, God willing. I was like, oh my gosh, we would like to make this. And they said people of generations keep coming back. And they're like, yes,

keep coming. And then one day your kids will get married, they'll have kids, you'll have grandkids, great grandkids, and you'll all still be coming back to Atlantis. And I'm like done, Bahama, Mama, Bahama, grandma. Bring it on.