This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. Chris Harrison coming to you from the home office in Austin, Texas. I am so excited for this show. Today I did a Father's Day episode of the most dramatic podcast ever where I had on three really good friends of mine and three great dads, Ryan Sutter, Bob Ginny, and JP Rosenbaum.
Obviously they were from my days on The Bachelor and Bachelorette, just three dads that I really respected and kind of from different walks of life, in different stages of life, and it just made me realize I have not really talked to JP Rosenbaum and I don't know how long. It's been way too long to catch up, and I really wanted to know where he is at this stage.
He's been divorced from Ashley. They met on season seven of The Bacherette, which is crazy to think it was that long ago Season seven of The Bachelorette, Ashley Rosenbaum. We were in Fiji, they got engaged. It was this beautiful moment. I actually officiated their wedding. We televised it in Pasadena and it was a It was a It was a lovely wedding and a beautiful couple, and I was very good friends with them, especially when they lived
in New York. I saw them all the time. Anytime I went to New York, they were my go to dinner dates, always saw them. And then they moved down to Florida. Unfortunately, life happens, they got divorced, and I remain close to both of them. You know, It's one of the first things I did, as I called and texted both of them as I love you both, I know what you're going through. I've been there, and I'm here to support you and anything that both of you need,
you just say it. And so we've we've all remained really good friends, and they've been very classy and just wonderful how they have gone through the whole process of divorce and starting their lives again. And you know, Ashley very publicly happy and dating again, and Jp, I don't know. I don't know where he is at this stage in this process of getting on with divorce and getting on with life and dating and love and all of those things. And I thought, if I don't know, then you probably
don't know. So let's fix that. Let's dive into it. My guest today on the Most Traumatic Podcast Effort, my good friend JP Rosenbaumb, fresh off vacation. We saw on your social media, Jp Rosenbaumb, good to see you, buddy.
It is thank you for having me. We are way we passed you to catch up.
I know we keep saying that eventually. You know what, So here's the thing. I have a baby being born. It's not mine, thankfully, no, but we have a baby that right this. I wanted to drop this on the podcast with you. We have a baby being born in the family. No, Lauren's sister is prego and she's giving birth very soon. So I'm going to be in the general area and I'm like, you know what, They're not gonna want me around the house all the time. I want to be there to see the baby. I'm going
to be an uncle again. I'm really good at that. And then I'm going to just disappear and I'm going to go on a day fishing trip with JP's No, this is going to happen this fall. I'm going to tell you the baby's coming, and this is middle of fall. I'm going to come find you.
Okay, I need a little advance notice because.
I know you got kids. You got kids?
How are the kids? I'm talking about booking the right fishing trip.
That's what I'm talking about. That is so this is going to happen because we do we you know what. I'm at the stage of my life and I am seventy two years old now, but I am at the stage in my life. How old are you now? I really don't know.
I'm not far behind you.
Forty seven, forty seven? Okay, so I got you by like four or five years. But I just turned fifty three and I'm not gonna lie. I don't really care about getting older. But I'm like, my fifty three that really seems odd to me. But I'm getting to the stage in my life where I got to quit promising stuff and we got to start doing.
Yeah.
I don't know. Do you have a lot of friends like that? Because I do. I have very good friends who I grew up with, and they are masterfully successful at what they do in their financial field or entrepreneurs or building businesses, whatever it is. And we're like, when this happens, we'll do this. And I'm like, guys, what will happen next? Is We're going to go to someone's funeral.
Yeah. I think there's always an excuse not to do things right. And you think you always have enough time, There's always going to be enough time. Yeah, but there isn't. There never is no, So just do just do.
Yeah, tomorrow has promised to no one. And I really have tried to be better, especially with Lauren and my kids, just like, hey, do you want I'm a yes, yes I do. Let's go. Let's pick up and go to Europe. Let's pick up and go see the kids, Let's pick up whatever it is. Let's just go.
Yeah. Yeah, you know that, like you have the means, you have the flexibility. It's just just doing it. You know. My dad, I think, I don't know, I don't need to jump around you, but my dad jump around my mom, My mom pasd the way in January. Yes, and you know, my dad is now at the point where he doesn't want to miss anything, birthdays, soccer games, I mean, you name it, you know. So he's like, you guys are going on vacation in Naples. I'm coming. I'm going fishing
again in two weeks down in the Keys. He's coming, so you know it's not too late. But he's eighty four years old and now to be doing those things and saying yes and not making excuses and just doing I have really put It's put things into perspective for me the last month.
Well, because if you wait till you're eighty four, you know, God bless your dad. I'm so glad he's doing that because he's going to get that time and your kids will now remember their grandfather very vividly and on their fishing trips and stuff. But he's not jumping out and playing pick a ball. He's not going out and playing golf. You know, he's not throwing them around the pool. He's sitting there taking it all in I'm sure at eighty four. But so that's the thing. It's like we have this
window and look the backside of that window. We're still around, but we're not as active as you know, you can be with the kids. So it's like do it now and and now you you know, I hate to say this, but we will get to the point where we're kind of taking care of our parents and then our kids are going to be taking care of us. It's a circle of life, man.
That that's it. So when you know your original question, do I friends that that every everyone I know at this stage of our lives has the same I'm going to call out excuses to not do things, and I find that it's in my court a lot, like I have to make it happen. I have to do it. Okay, you're not gonna come to me. I'm gonna come to you. And and you know, silver lining again with divorces that
you get every other weekend off. So it is a good thing, more flexible than those you know, married couples, married friends that I have, and.
So I just I just do And it does take someone to just do it. You got to just pull the ripcord and go do it. And you know, I have even with my kids when I'm talking about getting out and doing stuff like well I didn't get invited to this, what it's like, Well did you invite everybody? Like you know, you you can host the party, you can host this. You can so you can make that call, and you can make that trip and just show up. And by the way, they're always thankful when you do.
It is an interesting perspective. And I do think divorce then both of us are divorced. You've been divorced four years now. I think it was like twenty twenty. I'm going on a lot longer than that. I'm like thirteen
fourteen years and so, but it does. It gives you that perspective and oddly the time, as you said, divorce is equally tough and equally I don't want to say lovely, but empowering maybe of you have time to do things and you have kind of the perspective to actually want to go do those things completely.
And you know, I laugh sometimes like when I was married, if we gave each other the space that we kind of have, that will when we're divorced. Yeah, there's something to say about that, like be really, you'll be your own person and do what you want to do and not have the stress of raising kids for the day, for the weekend. You know, you know they're in good hands, and so there is something to say about that.
It's not you know what, and can we let's dive into this a little more, because let's just take the the onus off of this. It's a good thing. And I hate to say you're right, because I'm doing it the second time around with Lauren. Lauren and I are very defensive about giving each other space and time to go on. She's like, it's amazing. If I go on a golf trip, She's like, go, go grab JP, grab Wells, go go with your boys, y'all go and have a blast.
And I'll get to Pebble Beach and there will be a bottle of whiskey or a bottle of wine and a note saying, have a great time with your guys. And conversely, Lauren has amazing girlfriends she's had since college. They go on these She just got back from her girls trip. They go for four or five days. This week she's going on her Experience Camp trip where she is a counselor for kids who have lost a parent or significant you know, are their sibling or whatever have you.
And she's gone for an entire week. And like, giving us that time away makes us miss each other, but it lets you recharge your batteries and realize how much you do love each other and appreciate that.
Yeah, yeah, you know. I think it also depends on what stage of life you're in, right if very true newborn, you know, to a two year old and a newborn, like you're you're in the ship, you know, literally, it's a little bit yeah, yeah, you know, it's a different phase of life than I am today or you are you know so, But I do think I have that perspective of you know, how I would have it, not that,
not that it would have worked out. I'm just saying like, yeah, yeah, there's probably something to be said and an easier way to navigate and navigate and balance things. And when you do still maintain that level of I'm gonna call it freedom.
But you know, well, the independence is important. Look, and I know people might be you listen, say hey, a hole, I can't just pick up and go to Europe. I get that, but like you, like JP just said, find your escape, and that might just be hey, babe, go to the golf range and hit balls for an hour tonight.
You need to like or you tell your wife to like, you know what, why don't you go to the movies, or why don't you set up a day where you just go take care of yourself and get the manicure, pedicure, whatever it is, go for the walk or just disappear and just if you let each other just unplug and escape, even if it's for an hour or two. Because I know life is crazy, that's a big deal. Like just try and create that independence. So you got to unplug and get away from each other and from the kids
and from all the craziness. Is we're about to head back into school. I mean, you're about to be in it, man.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, they go back Thursday.
But that's a good thing. I know a lot of parents liked go back to school. Go back to school. I need I need the structure, I need the timing. I can't entertain you twenty four to seven. And that's the thing too, you know, And I don't want to be the old guys on the porch, but growing up, our parents did not entertain this twenty four to seven. But I'm sure when you have your kids, you're planning every second of every day.
You almost feel guilty when you're not. Yeah, they had three weeks off in between camp and school, and you know, actually and I would split days, and there were two days where they were home. I had to work from home, trying to work, and I had nothing planned, and I felt like anxious about it, you know, like that. And I've had a few people say it's okay for them to do nothing. Yeah, it's okay for them to be bored and so, but yeah.
They need this strength, it's okay for them to figure out how to entertain themselves. And it's actually it's really I honestly say that was an important thing of our imagination and our creativity of like, you know, and you make fun of it, but we used to just get the refrigerator box and build the fort and have a great You'd never see my brother and I. We would disappear for days, and it was the greatest thing in the world. And you know, play with our army men
or what have you. And we've just spent hours and hours doing that and get lost in that, and they just I feel like the art of that is lost. And I see my friends that have young kids, and the kids are constantly coming in and say what am I going to do now? What am I going to do now? And they just jump on a screen and they get the screen time. And it's like, man, that is a constant battle. I'm I'm glad I didn't have to battle it as much because my kids weren't as
screen savvy as this generation. But you're in it, like, have you dealt with and I don't know if your kids have phones and all that yet, but have you dealt with screen time, phones, social media, all that you have. You and Ashley had those discussions, so we're not.
At the phone level yet giving them phones. The general consensus seems around like fifth and sixth.
Grades, so middle school.
Yeah, yeah, right, But we are pretty much on the same page when it comes to how much screen time we allow them. Right during the week, the timing of it is different between what she does and what I do. But dr week, you know, homework's got to get done, like there's an hour max. Do what you want to play a video game, go on your iPad whatever hour max during the week, and then the weekends it slides a little bit, you know, because there's a little more downtime.
But I think we're very cognizant of how much or how little they are watching at any given time, because you know, you see kids at dinner and they're on their phone and they're like they're NonStop and this this is like it's a drug. It's an absolute hundred percent.
And the thing is we know this now, I mean, we know that Instagram, TikTok, all of it is so bad for our kids. It is horrible for them. It is an addiction and it's not helping them in any way, but it's become this thing that it eases our day. So here take take the phone. Have your kids even talked about social media yet?
They've seen like reels, you know, on Instagram, but they they've spoke about likes every so often, but there's no I don't think there's a real understanding of what it is or what it's used for. And so we haven't really gotten into it that much.
I don't envy that with with parents, he is that. I don't envy the battle and and just you have a son and a daughter and and so do I and just knowing body image and especially for our young girls and young women growing up. Man, it just broke my heart because it's also this light into the world that you're not invited to this. You're not cool, you're not pretty, you're not that. It's all it's it's so negative, but none of it is positive.
Yeah, I'm really I mean, I'm afraid of Look, they're both very strong kids, but like anybody can be, is influenced by it. And I'm really nervous just about self esteem and you know, trying to make sure that they understand that what they see there's it's not real. I mean it's real, but it's not real, like, yeah, trying to be able to explain that to them at a young age.
You're just seeing the best of the best of everybody all the time, right. Co parenting I found very interesting post divorce because no matter and you and Ashley, I know have a good working relationship we'll call it where you both co parent, but at the same time you're still separate. You know, it's very interesting when you're not getting the twenty four to seven news feed of what's going on all the time. I know the kids had a good week, I know they had a bad week.
I know they really did this or you know, all you can really get is the perspective from your ex when you kind of get the download when the kids come back. I found that very difficult because there was always kind of that re entry as you start a new week of having the kids.
Yeah, you know, we just do things differently, you know, And and the things that triggered each of us during the marriage still trigger us after the marriage. That doesn't change. No, now you're not married, maybe you give a little less of.
A yeah, no, yeah, I think yeah, it exacerbates even more because I think it's worse because now you really don't give it out right.
I'm gonna do what I want to do anyway. I think, look, I know how she operates, and I know how she deals with the kids in certain situations, and she knows how I do it, and so there is less consistency because of that. I think the general message to them is the same and I think they get that, but it's how it's delivered and how we manage it that it's we do it differently.
That's all well, because you always did it differently, but it was differently yet unified because it all came out of this big picture of parent and now when you're separate. And by the way, the kids are savvy, man, they know they're they they're playing the game and pushing the buttons with her, push the buttons with you, and it's it is a constant negotiation. I found it very fascinating
and it was very difficult for me. I don't know if it was for you those first several I guess months when the kids left and all of a sudden there was no noise. There was you know, you wake up and you're like, okay, I got nothing to do. Okay, I'd go do anything, and there's wonderful freedom in that, but it's also kind of a weird, lonely feeling at first.
Yeah, you know, we had a very drawn out called divorce separation, right because we decided right before COVID hit, and then literally a week or two weeks before COVID hit, then it hit. The kids came home from school, how are we going to sell the house? I'm not going to stay in our room. Like, it was a very strange year till you know.
She event Yeah, what a weird time to do it.
It was bizarre. And then she ended up moving out and we sold the house and I moved out, and like, the kids see all this in different phases, and so it wasn't like a quick hey I'm moving out. You know, we're getting divorced. That never happened. So every phase of the divorce was kind of like gradual, and so it all became a matter of fact to them. I don't even remember the first day that she slept in her
new place with the kids. Like, it's all such a blur to me because it was just drawn out over so long.
I you know, it's funny and I don't blame you and Ashley at all for this. But and I don't know if you remember, but so your season of The Bachelorette, when we were in Fiji where we shot your finale and Ashley's season, was like the penultimate meltdown of my divorce. That was when everything was happening. I don't think I knew that, and I was, I mean, I was so detached. I felt ad because I mean I was kind of
I was literally having these phone calls. We were in Asia, and I remember, I don't know if you remember this rose ceremony were in some of these old ruins, and I forget where we were in Asia. Maybe we're in Thailand or something. And I kind of had to stand over in this like column to hide from the camera, and I was by myself, and I'm literally on my phone texting my ex back in LA and we're having this really big blow up and I have to walk
out and deliver the line for the rose ceremony. I have to sit down with Ashley and talk about love and who she's in love with and all this, and then I would go right back to like my life melting down behind the scenes, and nobody knew. I didn't tell anybody it was a why it was Ashley season and then Emily Maynard season were really the two big seasons that stood out to me of like total disaster.
Oh no, I had no idea. I can't imagine having to go through trying to two people falling in love and that's.
And having this, you know, and just going and that was the thing. It was like this. I almost thought I was in a sitcom because I was, you know, having this really heated text and you know, at times weren't nice and things were getting very heated. And then literally walk in and be like, okay, ash so you're taking JP to the fantasy suite. Do you think you know he's the one? And this love and you know, love is a very special thing and I want you
to get married. And all I'm thinking is, don't do it, man, You're only.
Getting so so my situation is technically your fault.
Yes, exactly. No, I should have saved you, guys, it was a hunt. I should have just stood up and said, this whole thing's a farce. I don't believe in love, nough. I I oddly do still believe in love very much, obviously as I got remarried again, And so how's the dating world for you? Getting back into it was a very strange thing for me. What was it like for you to start going on those first few dates.
I had a very difficult time with divorce, just mentally, Like it took me a year and a half, maybe even two years to really feel like I was able to connect with somebody. It's you know, it's it's it's like a death.
One hundred percent. I tell people that it is very much a morning process. You go through all the phases of that for sure.
Yeah, And and mine was very long, not because I wanted to be back with her, but just it was like, how can this be happening to me? And are the kids going to be okay? And like that whole I was kind of a wreck for a year and a half. And so I would go out on gates and this is tarble to say, but I was really just going through the motion. I really was just trying to get comfortable with being around and trying to see can I
connect with somebody else again? And so the first year and a half two years it was it was bad. I mean, I went out, but like it wasn't.
There by the way, I'm right there with you. I totally resemble that and did the exact same thing because I felt so guilty about the kids and they They will also say that it takes so say you were married for eight years, it will essentially take four years. It takes half the time you were with that person or in that relationship to truly be over it. And I don't mean like you know over you're over it. I mean you could be ready to move on, but like truly have your life in place and the kids
and feel mentally, emotionally healthy to move past it. And that's a crazy thing to think, you know, two three, four years that's about right, that's what it takes to truly deal with that loss and move on.
Yeah, and I've you know, I finally got there. I mean I'm not you know, I still probably have work to do, but but I we all do.
Man.
Yeah, that's I mean, that's a lifetime.
So there was because I I look, there's there's a reason there's the old saying about you know, never you know, marry the first person you meet after a divorce, So you know, don't ever be that first person after a breakup, because it's not going to go well. That is very true. Now that I've been there myself, I'm like, oh, yeah, that's very true. The poor girl that dated me the first time I got divorced, I'm like, I'm so sorry. I actually knew her and remain friends, and I apologize
to her later. I was like, hey, sorry, my bad.
Yeah, it's funny that. Like, I've got a couple of people that wanted to set me up and my friend. They're like and they lead with she just got divorced. I'm like nope, Like well she's getting divorced. I'm like, nope, yeah, that's the worst. She's in the process up for getting divorced. I'm like, yeah, I want to unwind that. No, I'm like, you got to be at least a year out.
That means they're going to go back and forth a couple of times. There's gonna be I'm not.
Gonna be a crutch. And admittedly, like I did that right, I used women as crutches like to kind of get through.
And unbeknowkst to you, you do it and you look back at it, you don't realize you're doing it. In the moment, there's no malice to it.
Yeah, No, and some of them may have even been the little I'm gonna say forced is the wrong word, because I knew it was good for me, and it wasn't like I didn't enjoy spending time with them. I did, but I just knew that it wasn't getting anywhere. And I still maybe stayed in a little longer than I should have. And granted, I have a lot of perspective now, but.
Yeah, no, I well, it's funny. There's things that, like I got divorced in somebodies of mine where they were trying to do the right thing. And I'm interested to know if you had friends that did this, like let's go to Vegas. You know, we're going to burn a hole through the world a mile wide and that. And I'm like, I don't love Vegas. I don't go there very often. I'm not a big Vegas guy. I don't
love clubs and stuff. And so I said, yeah, I'm like, okay, I get I'm like, this is what I'm supposed to do now, right, I've been divorced after being married for twenty years. I have a little money, I have a little fame. I guess I need to like burn a hole through the world. That's my that's my thing now, and I was just it was almost depressing to think about. Then a buddy called me said, Hey, man, me and some guys are going fishing up in Oregon, just a bunch,
just a guy's trip, whiskey cigars. I'm like, that's my escape. That's what i want to do. Cancel the Vegas trip, wet fishing. And but there's things you do, is the point to all this. There's things you do because you're going through the motions and you're like, well, I saw this in a movie once. I guess I'm supposed to do it.
Yeah, I'm the exact same, like I I wasn't living vicariously through me. When they say that, it kind of gives like, what what are you going to live vicarious? Like there's I'm not that exciting, right and and I'm not going to Vegas and I'm not doing those sorts
of things. I'm still me, you know, granted, kind of how we started the conversation, I am saying a yes, saying yes to a lot more, right So even if it's hey, come out to LA for the weekend and see some friends, or I'm definitely saying yes to a lot more. But I'm still me. I'm still doing the things that I like to do. I have kids now, so I still have to be somewhat responsible.
Yeah exactly, you.
Know, but but I was I was never. I was never that that kind of guy that I would just let loose to that extent. So you know, I'm not going to change now.
Nor nor should we at this stage in our lives. So you're four years, you know, into this. Where are you in this journey to kind of rediscover yourself?
You can't say that word, what journey?
Oh yeah, you're a good point. You're right. Where are you in this process is what it is. No, but where are you in, like dating now, looking for love? Are you open to that, ready for it at this point in your life, because it seems like you're in a really healthy place.
Yeah, I I am, and I know exactly the dynamic that I am looking for. I mean, I can't write it.
Out because I got a great girl for you. I'm just kidding you.
Want you have you burned up all three?
Yes, that's true. I use that trump card.
I know what works, yeah right, and I know what doesn't work, and I know the red flags and I know who to kind of to put my time into and who not to waste time. And not that I'm not giving people opportunities. I am, but I just I just now have enough experience with relationships and love and family and growth, you know that, that I really know what's important to me. And so it's been challenging. Like
I don't I'm not from Miami. So first of all, meeting people down here organically for me is difficult because the friends that I do have, you know, they're married kids.
That's a really tough part to this when you know no one tells you about that post divorce. It's you don't have that social circle where hey, let's go out and grab a beer, maybe we'll meet somebody.
It is I can count on one hand in the last maybe three years that I've done exactly that. Yeah, just because it's just they're no, I don't have that kind of network here in the stage of the life that I'm in. So I do rely on apps a lot just to at least meet people, and I hate them. It's a needle in the haystack. And you know, Miami's a little Miami, you know what I mean, You know what I mean. So it's challenging to meet people. But I've met some nice women I've dated for two to
three months. You know, generally they end because it fizzles and it's just not there, and I'm looking for that connection again.
Have you have you noticed with the show, because I even found this as the host and being around the show, that when I started dating, I had to really check myself from being a producer of thinking along the lines and the stages of this, and I would get ahead of myself and I could kind of see where this was going way too fast, and I'm like, I'm not giving this a fair shake, or maybe I am, and I just and see this faster than everybody.
Now.
I don't know, it was really weird.
I don't know have to show it anything to do with it. I meant, I definitely look within, Like the first fifteen minutes, I'm in my head and like I don't want to spend any more time with her, you know, And then I try to keep it going, so I try not to get in my own way, which I think I do a lot. But ninety nine percent of the time, like those where I had the initial gut feeling it's not going to work. Two months later, like I knew it. It's not going to work.
And there will be that time when you when you don't have that and you're like, it hits you upside the head and you're like, oh my god, Okay, it does exist. It's out there. It's frustrating to find it. But when you do, it's so fantastic, and you're like, you're reminded how good it can be and how effortless and fun and easy and all those exciting words.
Yeah, and I would say maybe maybe there's been one with potential where I felt kind of excited again. Yeah, you know, but for the most part, it's it's uh, it's tough. It's it's tough out there.
Is it hard to watch it? You know, Ashley has obviously moved on, and she's been very public about it, social media wise and all that. And that's one thing I will say about breakups. It's you know, I had to talk with a friend of mine who lost his wife who I was very good friends with, and he says, you know, the thing is, my wife's gone. You know, I can't get her back. I'm sad. I love her, but she's gone in divorce. She's not gone. She's on Facebook she's on Instagram, You're going to see her all
the time. And you know, when when two famous people and you know, I'm going to use that term loosely, we're all kind of have a moderkham of fame. But still, you guys are known, and you know, Ashley has been very public about that. Has that been hard her to kind of deal with her or honestly, does it give you a little bit of okay, good, she's kind of doing her thing. I can go do mine.
It's been three years, they've been dating for three years. Early on it was it was tough, especially when I knew he was spending time with the kids.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've had a major internal struggle with that. So I would say then it got easier. It just got easier. Early on, I actually muted her Instagram, so I would like I'd have to manually go to look if I was to do it, and sometimes when she has the kids, I would have I would have done that. But for the most part, I try to stay off it.
Because it does no good.
Yeah, my god, it went down a spiral of death. I mean, it was terrible in the beginning. So now it doesn't bug me as much. I mean, you know, he's a bit obviously a very big part of her life. He and his family spend time with the kids, and you know, it's somewhat nice for him that the kids to have that kind of a family down here. You know, her family's in Maine. Yeah, my dad and my brother they're all in New York. So if we see each other three or four times a year, it's a lot.
I wish I would move back up north.
If the kids weren't around, I'd probably be back up north.
I went through the same thing post divorce. My ex moved on and got remarried quicker than I did. She was married first, and at first, you know, it is it's very awkward because of the kids, right another man in the kids' lives, and there's that kind of territorial thing that I think guys have. I don't know if women have the same thing. I know she did to a certain degree. Luckily she met Lauren and we were both very respectful of introducing and I respected her enough,
and I'm sure you did too. Like you knew Ashley, and I knew, you know, my ex was going to pick somebody that was also a good mom or a good dad. You know, that would be a good role model, but it's still just not you. And so it was hard at first, and then you realize it's just a bonus person in their life, and he is. He's been nothing but wonderful and loving to my kids. And Lauren of course, has been such a positive force in my kids' lives and now I can't even imagine her not being
around the kids. And so time does heal those wounds?
I mean, I'm so I don't. I wouldn't say that still is as enthusiastic about it as as it's been.
It's been over a decade for me.
Man, Yeah, I've got some catching but I will say that that is the only trigger recent trigger the last year for me is me seeing him with the kids and you know, whether it's playing basketball or throwing him in the pool or whatever it is where it's like I should be doing.
That, Yeah that was me, that was my It was me, that.
Should be me. Nobody else should be doing that other than me. Yeah, so I still struggle with that, Like it's it's still uncomfortable for me. You know, I don't spend half my kid's childhood with them, and like, now somebody else is and playing that yes he'll never be their father, I get all, yeah, but still a father like role and doing things you know that I really should be there doing it's it's that is the longest lasting challenge.
Have you had those moments? You know, big moments in life, whether they're big birthdays, graduations, you know, those things are very interesting because you start to have to share them with that person. They're they're there. You know, typically if you have a decent enough relationship, some people, you know, the good news is, you know, some people have a relationship, they can't even be in the same state or in the same room period. So if things are good enough,
you can at least share those moments. And you know, my ex and I have, and I'm sure you and Ashley will. So you'll be at the soccer game, or you'll be at the graduation and you're all there together and everybody puts on the smiley face.
Yeah you fake it, I guess. I mean, look, he I actually didn't meet him for a very very long time, and there were moments where she would text me and say He's gonna come to the basketball game, and I would lose my ship, you know, like I'm coaching, like I don't want to see him on the sideline, like no, no, and like you want me to make a scene, I'll
totally make a scene. I don't care. So and granted it's it's ridiculous, right, and I was being probably being a baby about it, but like I just wasn't ready, Like I didn't want that to be the first time I met him either.
So look, you wish you had the wherewithal to say, Ashlock, I'm mentally and emotionally just not ready for this. Can you respect that? You know you wish you had said that, But what you'd said was.
I don't really care. You know, I may have used that card three thousand times prior to that, and to the point where she was probably saying to me, Look, it's been long enough. I think he should probably meet himself. But I think this basketball season he might might come to the game.
So have y'all finally met?
Yeah, we finally met. Okay, we finally met. That's good. Yeah, they moved in together.
I mean, it's look, it's it's never it's never not different. I won't say it's never not awkward, because the awkwardness does go away, but it's never not different. That's just the new normal, and that's what we chose, right, And so I always felt like you aren't allowed to put that on the kids. They didn't sign up for this.
You did, You and Ashley did. So it's like, you know, I'm like, Okay, everyone's just gonna have to make nice and realize it's zero point five percent of our time this year that we're all going to have to worry about this, you know. The other ninety nine point five we can go have our own world and do our own thing.
Yeah. No, And I think if there's one thing that one of the things that she and I are on the same page is like the kids never see any of well, like we're talking about, they don't. They wouldn't know about any of this, right, They would know them uncomfortable. They wouldn't know my conversation. They wouldn't know. So look if if if Ford says to me, hey, Dad, you know he's going to be at the basketball game, I'd be like great, you know, like I wouldn't be like, no's.
Over my dead body, right, So they.
Would they don't know any different. And I think we do a very good job of putting on a little bit of a front so that they are comfortable and they see that it is a kind of one big, happy family. But I will say there's I don't understand those couples that go on vacations with their ex and their family. That's never happening. I don't care.
So I, by the way, I so agree with that. I like I have I don't even have respect for it. I don't know, you know. I was like, I just don't even know how you get there, because obviously we got divorced for a reason. However amicable we are now, we're divorced for a reason. It's because we don't want to travel and be together and live together. So yeah, those those couples that are like, oh, yeah, we you know, I'm best friends with the wife and we No, no, no.
No, you're really not. You're keeping her close because you don't trust.
Right, keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer, exactly. It is so true. Beyond love and all that stuff, life is good. Work is still the same.
And yeah, life is good. Uh, work is great. Busy. I have flexibility when it comes to the kids, so I don't miss anything. Yeah, you know, it's just it's just the balance of trying to get them to see their family as much as possible and doing the right thing and being the right parent. And but life's good.
And they'll get to an age too, I think, you know, I you it's it's oddly reminiscent of me. We were kind of similar as far as the ages we're going through divorce and stuff. You were in your mid right around mid forties. I was kind of younger, a little younger than that when I started, but the kids were about the same age. And I found the older the kids got, obviously the easier the divorce and all that stuff becomes. You know, time goes by, but also the
kids get older, more self sufficient. You know, they get into middle school and they're gone. You know, they just they need parents around a lot less and that helps, you know, that starts the separation and creates more space for both of you, and it definitely helped.
Yeah, And there's just tons of activities and this basketball practice and things, and so you know, they're not with us. I think I think what will become a little bit challenging is right now we're fifty to fifty and we do two two three, so they're constantly kind of going back and forth every two days, and I think as they get a little bit older, and maybe we'll go to the to the week week or something.
We did the week on a week off, and we tried it both ways for a while, and we did the ten you know week, and then we went two, two, three, and then we went back as it was like it was just it helped us. Again, do everybody do their own thing, but it just helped me, Like I want to get into a system and where I'm you know, really digging into the kids for a week and I'm making their meals and we're planning and we're going through
the weekend, et cetera. It's just the constant back and forth. Really, there's shin guards everywhere and dance ballet shoes and it's like we were going back and forth to each other's houses. So I'm like, we got to stop this.
Totally. We're not. I don't think we're there yet. I mean I could get there, but I don't think Ashley wants to be without them for a week yet.
Yeah, that is it's tough. It's a long time.
She doesn't want to be with them for a week either.
That's no, It's so true. After a week. You're like, I am done. That's so funny. You're like, I'm on the next plane out of here. But it is. It is interesting when you know that week off, when there is you know, there's stuff going on, and you know, you you you kind of check back in and see them. And we kind of had the rule of if you're lonely and you're just missing them, you're more than welcome to take them to dinner. You know, hey, you pick them up from soccer tonight, take them to dinner, and
then drop them back off at the house. It was, you know, we try to be good about that because a week is, especially at first when they're young, that's a long time.
Yeah, and she would We would be also. I mean, even if we went a week, we're so flexible. I can't can you watch, I can't pick them up. We're we're pretty flexible, which makes it easier.
This is the this is by the way, this is the show I probably should be doing at this point. Uh. You know, I love love, and I love helping people find love. But what I think I'm probably really good at now is is helping people through divorce. Is that the new show?
I think there's definitely, definitely enough action and drama and yes, yes.
I'm creating a show. You will survive and more exactly and more shall pass, This too shall pass.
Yeah. I feel like it needs to end though with them finding love again. I don't like there's got to be hope. So people have to hold on to some level of hope. And you're right, we do.
We got to work on what the button is. We got to figure out what that button is other than just not killing each other. That's a good thing, right, dude. It's so good to talk to you and to catch up. And we are both, as we said, at the phase and at the age of our lives when we say yes and we're actually going to make things happen. This is going to happen. I'm I'm coming to Florida more often now. I'm just going to take it upon myself to drive over and see you.
I'm going to text you the weekends I am off in October and November because September is not going to work. October November and you're going to pick one and I'm going to find a suffish and chip and we're going to go and it's happening. That's it.
This is happening finally, and then and by the way, we'll put it up and everyone can see the aftermath on social media would be two really boring guys showing fish. That's what every woman wants to see on social media exactly. By the way, you know, I should probably dive in and take a look at your dating profiles. Please tell me there's not one picture of you and a fish.
No. I was warned early on.
Okay, good, good, good, I take I do some of.
My best work with fish. I'm just saying.
It makes everything look bigger, exactly.
But no, that is that That is number one rules. You don't do that, so I learned early on.
You know, it's it's very interesting because you know, you do have that moderkrum of fame, and so I'm sure it is difficult. You know, you kind of have to dabble on these apps. It's like, well, people enter into knowing already a little bit about you. You come into this knowing nothing. And I found that very interesting when
I was dating. It's like, okay, you at least they think they know, right, they don't know you, but they think they know a large portion of your life because they saw it on TV or they see me on TV, and then you know nothing about this person, and so it makes that dynamic of truly getting to know someone on a date more difficult.
Yeah, I haven't found that too much, just because my you know, our season was so far removed. You're you, and obviously we're getting part of the soil for a very long time, but we're so far removed that sometime someone will make the connection like you look so familiar, how do I know you? And I certainly don't lob it out there, and then other times they say, hey,
were you on the batch? I'm like yeah, And so we kind of have gotten past it pretty quickly and all the circumstances that I've been in where it has popped up, so it hasn't been that challenging to navigate.
Well, I wish you the best on this, on this journey that was intentional. And by the way, we are going to be together very soon. You and I will be together at a very special wedding in Los Angeles together, So I look forward to seeing you there and that that is going to be an amazing wedding. And by the way, I think Ashley is going to be there as well. Does she not.
No, I don't think she was invited.
I think she I think you may want, you may may want.
I think she would tell me if she was going.
Okay, wait, no, she can't.
She's got the kids.
Got the kids. That's good, that's why. Well, I know you're going to be there and I'm looking forward to it and Lauren and I can't wait to see and give you a big hug and catch up. But we need to do it on your home turf soon. But I appreciate the time. Always love talking to you, my friend, and we got to do it more.
Sounds good. Thanks hie Bud, all right, love.
You, Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most dramatic pod ever, and make sure to write us a review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.