This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. Chris Harrison here coming to you from the home office in Austin, Texas. So excited to be talking to a good friend of mine today, Becca Tilly. You guys might remember her from her appearances on well two seasons of The Bachelor. She was on Chris Soul's season where she was the runner up, and then she had a bit of a crush on Ben Higgins and asked to be on that show, and she went through seven weeks on
Ben Higgins show. And Becca is a fascinating figure, especially in light of Colton Underwood's transition that we just followed him on where he is now in a same sex marriage and very publicly went through what he went through. Well, Becca went through all this before Colton, although it was a little bit quieter and not as much was made of it. I find it fascinating and I want to talk to her about why she came on the show,
what her thought process was in that. Becca is now in an unbelievably loving same sex relationship with singer Hayley Kyoko. This was a relationship that well, she's been it for five years. Much of that was kept in the dark, very secretly. A lot of us knew behind the scenes, but she hadn't really come out. She hadn't embraced who she was and who she discovered that she was. She is now, and the transformation that I have witnessed that many of us have witnessed with Becca Tilly is incredible.
It's inspirational, it's brave, and more than anything, she's just happy. She really seems like she is in a place in her life where she is ready to embrace life. And I want to talk to her about being on the Bachelor. It is I think it incredibly timely and important conversation to have, and I can't think of anybody better to have it with than with my good friend Becca Tilly. Becca, it is so good to talk to you. It's good to see you. You look beautiful.
Thank you so much. It's good to see you. I was trying to think of the last time I saw you, and.
We were on a rooftop at some event. I just remember that, I know.
I was like, I'm pretty sure that's the last time we saw each other.
I am excited about this conversation, and apparently it's been in my subconscious I don't ever remember my dreams. But last night, in my dreams, it wasn't you, but oddly it was your partner, Tanya Rad from your podcast, who was in my dream. She showed up at my house with all her equipment because she needed to do a podcast. So you guys have taken over my subconscious you.
Know, I'm I feel flattered to know that you think of us when you think of podcasts.
Y'all are haunting me to you and Tanya Rad. But Tanya obviously a very good friend of mine as well, and one of your best friends. She would like to think she is your best friend. That's a whole nother subject for a whole other podcast. It is an obsessive relationship we should dive into. But I want to talk to you because I am so fascinated by your story because I think it is so beautiful. It is brave, courageous, wonderful,
and it's so timely. And you and I have been friends for a long time, but we've really never had this discussion where we really dive into your relationship and being on the Bachelor twice and what that experience was like for you. So I want to start at the beginning Chris Sol's season of The Bachelor, you decide to come on? Why and how did that happen?
So my best friend Laura from high school had been for instance, freshman year of high school. She would always say, we should make an audition tape for you to go on The Bachelor. And I was raised like very traditional in the South Christian, Like everything that The Bachelor was in my mind was like the opposite of what I stood for, which is fighting, fighting other women to get the attention of a man. You know.
I was just like, can the fantasy suite?
Yeah? Yeah, I mean we can get into that later, but yeah, everything about it. I was just kind of like, I don't think that it is for me, you know. And so this would go on, like every season she would suggest it, and finally, one day, I guess it was twenty fourteen, she I got it. I was flying to Chicago and I got off the plane. I had a voicemail and he was like, Hi, this is Scott from The Bachelor casting and your best friend nominated you.
And I was just, you know, calling a chat and so I was like, what in the world we hadn't talked about this. So I call her and I'm like, I just got a call from the Bachelor casting department, and she was like, are you kidding me? I just admitted I just nominated you like a couple of days ago. I can't believe they already called you. So I was like, I don't know if I'm going to do that, and
she's like, you have to call them back. So I just went through that whole process, and in my mind, I thought, worst case scenario, maybe I get to travel somewhere really cool, because in my mind what I knew about The Bachelor was like helicopter ride tropical islands.
Totally.
I had no idea I was going on the season where we stayed in the Midwest.
Crystal season of the Bacheler, which we really embraced the farm land and the and the heartland of America. We went to what we were in what Dubuque, We were in Iowa. We were in South Dakota, South Yes, Deadwood, Deadwood, South Dakota.
Yeah, that's right, that's right.
And then will Whitefish, Montana.
Maybe no, No, we didn't go there. That would have been great.
That was another season.
We were in New Mexico.
You met Oh, that's right, in Santa fe Yeah. Yeah, you really went to the hotspots. We had a good time, but not exactly Bora Bora, Tahiti.
Yeah. Yeah, it's okay, though it was an experience.
You got that on Ben's season a little bit more a little bit yeah, But so for Chris's season, you come on and that's where I first met you. I'm not involved in casting. By the time I get to know you, you are already cast on the show. You're getting out of the limo in night one and you make a huge impression, and your story was essentially this wholesome southern virgin mm hmm. And was that something you knew coming in? Is that something they had talked to you about?
No, I didn't even bring that up in the prom. Like I I remember being at the grocery store when Sean Lowe was the Bachelor, yeah, and seeing like the headlines like born Again Verge, like all the stuff, and like I'd see kind of i'd see conversations about it where I was like, you know, what, if I'm doing this,
I don't want that to be my whole storyline. So I intentionally went in saying I'm not even going to bring this up, like I will have a conversation when I felt right for me, but I'm not gonna I'm not gonna give them this information.
Yeah, that nugget. You know, it'll be used against you in the court of reality TV.
Yeah, and not even used against I just didn't want it to be something that was made like a mockery, and so it was something that I was very proud of. So I wanted it to be something that was anytime I had that conversation, I wanted it to be something that was celebrated and respected. And you know, when you when you're giving production and editors and a story, they can do whatever they want with it. So I went
in cautiously not going with that. So when it came out, I was just I was talking to Ashley I, who was on my season, and she had just told him that she was a virgin, and she was crying and she was like, I don't know how it went. And I was like, oh, what happened, and she goes, I just told him I'm a virgin. I don't know what he thought about it, and just without just like being someone who was trying to comfort someone else, and I go, oh,
me too. And then I had this moment where I was like I felt my mic on and I felt I looked up and I saw the cameras and I was like, oh no, immediately immediately like Becca interview, you know, I don't whatever. So that's how that happened.
But you you ended up going very far in that season with Chris Soles. You were the runner up. Yes, I mean that was so you did get to the Fantasy Suites. Yeah, what what was that like for you?
Well, I think the Fantasy Suite was finally like an opportunity. Well, and you know, it was so interesting because I kept having these like invasive conversations with producers of like it's tonight the night, and I'm like, you think I've waited this long to have sex with a man that I have spent maybe a.
Total two hours on national television. This is what this was My dream as a young girl was to first have sex on ABC.
Yes. Yes, So for me, I just went into it going like I finally get to have conversations without having a microphone. I might get to know this guy and
have like time where there's not cameras on. And it was like we were both so exhausted that like I feel like we talked, and then by the time like we finally went to bed, and then it was like we were up and I was leaving, and it was like I am a Crystals fan, and I too was so respectful to me, and I knew that we had very different paths, especially in that area, but I felt like he never made me feel insecure or you know, ashamed of it.
So did you have genuine feelings for him? Did you honestly think I might be falling in love with this guy? Or was it just the momentum of the show when you're in it.
I think I think it was the momentum of the show. I think I had never been in love before, so everyone kept saying like, you'll know, you'll know, you'll know, But I had never experienced that, so I was kind of like, oh, you know, is this what it feels like being in this like weird bubble of a TV show and having these experiences. And I never I never got to the point where I would confidently say that I was in love with him. I think that was the battle with me and production, the.
Whole saying that, yeah, saying I love you, And obviously there was probably some inner turmoil that we will talk about here in just a minute of trying to figure things out. But we fell in love with you, and I say we, the collective we of America and the television viewing audience. We loved back at Tilly. We couldn't get enough of you, hence the she comes back on Ben Higgins season. But that was partly you. You you liked Ben. I mean I of the two guys, obviously,
I like Chris. He is a good man. I think you and Ben were more aligned. I'm like, okay, he's a very conservative Christian guy. Becca's very much along those same lines. I could really see this happening. I actually thought that might work.
Me too, And that was the only reason I put myself back in that position, because I was like, maybe this the first experience led to this experience, and like it was all like kis met and meant to be. And so when I went back on like I was there to meet Ben, like there was no because you know, the first time, it was like, well, I don't know this guy. He's cute. I've seen photos, I've seen videos, but like, I don't know much about him aside from
him being a farmer. And it could be an experience, whereas the second time, it was like, I'm going to meet this guy and I will never forget getting out of the limo. Yeah, thinking I was going to see Ben and you were standing there.
What a buzzkill?
Well just more so like, oh my god, they're gonna, They're gonna this is gonna be Yeah.
I did a because I kind of did a pre interview with you of like, are you sure you want to do this? Because this was the interesting thing Becca, who is the angel of the show, who we all just love so much, for the first time entering into probably what was a difficult moment an arena where you weren't going to be looked upon so favorably mm hm. And I was like, I just need to prepare her mentally that she's not going to just skate in so easily.
Yeah, it wasn't. But I will say I mean the girls, considering the circumstances, were very warm and welcoming. I mean there were a few that were like what the heck is going on? But I was very lucky with the group of girls that I walked into that room.
Or in the house with and you went seven weeks I think on Ben show, right.
Yeah, I he sent me home right before Hometowns, which I think, you know, I think he knew that I wasn't the one, or I wasn't at that point his feelings for me, and so I think he didn't want to put me through the family portion and put my family through through the Hometowns again again. So it was great, I mean it hurt. It was a lot more emotional that season because I was like, my feelings were more invested. So I remember. I remember the first season being like
I would hear about all the girls dates. I was like unfazed by it. And then Ben's season, it was like so complicated because Jojo and I were best friends and roommates, and she would come home and it was like, you want to hear about your best friend's date, but it's the guy that you're dating.
To such such an awkward thing.
It's so strange.
Do you look back at that time fondly of being on the show. You do both.
Seasons because I felt, honestly like I learned so much about myself and I I got to meet other people I would never meet in any other circumstance, and I mean everything, like even just sitting here having this conversation. Like everything that has come from those experiences, Like everything that I have done work wise, career wise, has come because of that. So I'm I feel grateful because I look back on it with just like the fondest memories.
Well, it is amazing to see you know, you were this young girl from the South who I believe was working at a chiropractor and you know, wasn't quite sure of the direction of her life. Flash forward to you are this amazing influencer and this person that stands for so much good. It's just to have watched this, I don't know, this metamorphosis, this change in this woman, the strength, the power of the independence, it's all there now and that smile on your face. I'm glad you don't regret
that journey and how you got there. And I hate to use that word because we beat it to death on the show, but if anybody personifies a journey, your life really is.
Yeah, it was. I think that part of my life in a certain way, also made this new part of my life complicated, you know, like it was. It was a journey of navigating what will people say? What will people think? Having all so many eyes on me, I've never been someone who wanted a lot of attention on me, So that part of the Bachelor, And I mean, I've been really grateful because people have been so gracious and
like kind and loving towards me. But I've always been like a severe people please so like making sure Ione likes me. Yeah, everyone likes me. Everyone's proud of me, everyone's like happy with me. And that made it complicated in a sense. When I met.
Haley, you are what we're referring to, and I talked about this at the top before your interview. You were in a same sex relationship with singer Haley Kyoko. You've been in this relationship since twenty eighteen. This is not something new. It might be new to you listeners because it you know, essentially Becca and Haley have just come out publicly together. They took their time. It's something I've watched behind the scenes and knew about for quite some time.
And so before we jump into what that looks like now, I want to go back to Bachelor world. When did you know was their confusion even while you were on the Bachelor about these feelings.
To be honest, it didn't that my attraction towards women didn't have clarity until I met Hayley. So while I was on the Bachelor, I think I had I now that I'm looking back, I think hindsight's twenty twenty where I go, oh, like, you know, I always had close connections with women, but it was never in a way of like I want to kiss you.
Yeah.
I think that because even I was talking to I was on Caitlyn's podcast, Kleen Bristow, because we were on Chris's season together and we were roommates and had like a really close friendship and we were like so close and it was like, by no means was it sexual or you know, intimate, but there was a deep love and connection with each other. And we were laughing because we were both like, yeah, was there like you know, was there a moment looking back where we were like, oh,
I really like her? Is this more than friends? But I never had like the feeling that I felt when i met Hayley. It was like very different than anything I'd ever experienced with anyone.
It was the person, it was the person.
And it was the connection and it was not something I could have ever prepared for planned.
So because after the Bachelor, second Bachelor stint with Ben Higgins. You dated Robert Graham, who was on the show, but it wasn't part of the show, but you guys dated for quite some time, and I remember seeing you guys, and again, hindsight, I definitely would not say I'm so smart that I saw this at the time, but thinking back on it, it seemed like you guys were going
through the motions. Y'all would do the right things. But I never felt that spark and that energy and that chemistry is that fair And that's nothing against Robert, It's just that's what I felt from you guys.
Yeah, I think that my relationship with Robert, we were friends, turned like our friend turned into relationship, and it was one of those things. So I don't know, I talked about this on the show, but like I had never been in a serious relationship, like I I would have feelings for people who weren't available for me, which almost
felt like a safety mechanism. And I think growing up in like purity culture and you know what, just like the Christian world of like what dating looks like and saving yourself, like I had a lot of fear around like intimacy and attraction and like letting myself, Like I was almost I was like proud of almost being closed off, Like I was almost proud of having walls up, you know, like it felt like I was like Kanye always is like how did you always? How are you so cool?
How do you not care about anything? And there was like I had a lot of pride in that. And so I think when Robert and I started, you know, when it became more than friends, I was kind of in this limbo of being amendments. I did not want to commit to anything. It felt like a trap. I felt like tied down. And it got to a point where we were kind of you know, hookup buddies, and
he's like, hey, I have feelings for you. I want to be with you in a relationship, but if you don't want that, like I need to move on because I can't do this in between things. And I didn't like the idea of him being with someone else, and so I was like, okay, I've never done this. I'm just I'm just gonna go for it. But I never let myself relax in that relationship.
So do you think again, you're in such a healthy place that you can look back in thinking back, do you think a there was this war of your religion, being so conservative, not really wanting to give in to maybe how you really felt. And at the same time, maybe that was also a protective shield of well, I don't really have to deal with these confusing feelings I'm having because I'm just gonna save myself. I'll kind of block people out. I'll never really have a serious relationship.
It makes sense now looking back to me anyway.
Totally, and I, you know, part of me because I still would consider I'm still I guess if I were to put a label on myself, it would be bisexual. But so I think I was always attracted to men, Like there was always a physical attraction towards men, And I think anything that where I was attracted to women, I was like, I can't do that, that's not allowed.
So like there was never even when I look back, I don't have any memories of like, oh I have a crush on my best friend or anything like that, because that part of me was like, that's wrong, that's bad, don't do that.
I wouldn't go there. But I wonder, so did you have a feeling of that's wrong, that's bad, Like you had those cognitive thoughts.
I think in terms of just like, in general, what my beliefs were. I think I was just like gay bad. Yeah.
That's that's why I find fascinating is there was this war going on, maybe before you knew you were even having this internal fight, if that makes sense.
I think that a lot of people who eventually come out and allow themselves to be themselves have that thought of was this this internal war that I was that I was battling, or was there this internal homophobia that I was projecting, Like it's almost like you're a little bit louder about the things that you're battling, right of course. So I think that, and when I look back on my relationship with Robert, I think there was a lot
of a lot of all of those things. I think it was that that thought of, like if I just stay closed off, I don't have to deal with hard things. I don't even know if I was aware of it at that moment. I just know I was off. And I've had conversations with Robert where I'm like, I'm sorry because I now know how good of a partner I can be to someone, and I did I wasn't able to get that, Oh that's nice.
You've actually said that to him.
Yeah, and of course he's just the best, and he's like, I loved you for who you were and like he's wonderful. And so I think that being able to recognize that, even to be honest, like, even if for whatever reason Haley and I didn't work out and Robert and I reconnected, I think that just in general, I would be able to be a better partner to him. Whether you know what that means, yeah, because I know what it means to show up for someone.
As Robert reached out to you, did he say anything once you came out?
Oh? Yeah, He's like, he's amazing, He's honestly. We talked like pretty early on in mine in Haley's relationship about it, and he was like, I just want you to be happy, and he's a wonderful human being.
What was the response from fans, from Bachelor fans and people that have watched you on this journey and wished you had fallen in love with Chris sir Ben and then they find out, well, she's bisexual, she's now in a relationship with a woman. Has that response been positive, negative, A little bit of both.
The overwhelming response has been supportive and positive. I was always prepared to have backlash in some sort, and not even backlash, but just have people who didn't get it. And I think when I finally made the decision to come out publicly with our relationship, my thought was, I don't need everyone to get it. But it took me four years to get to that point because being a people pleaser, my job in my head was to make
sure that everyone understood what anything that I did. So for me, I was like, Okay, I know that Bachelor has a very conservative fan base, you know, and I know that people specifically who follow me are conservative and know me as a virgin who was saving herself for marriage. And I was so scared. I was so scared of what the reaction was going to be. And they surprised me in the best way, to be honest. It gave me.
It gave me a It gave me a perspective shift of like giving the people the chance to show up for you, because my instant reaction was like, it's going to be negative, and they they showed me that that I can trust that people can can be gracious and kind.
Well, you just celebrated a year of being out in public, and I was looking at your post, and there's something you wrote on there that I found very interesting. A couple of things that stood out to me, and one of them was something you just mentioned. There are some people that just will not get it, and that's okay. I don't need you to get it. To be empathetic, to still show love and grace, you don't have to understand this. This isn't for you, that's not your life.
I thought that was a very interesting, very healthy take on it.
Yeah, I've been to a lot of therapy, but I you know, I think about how I look at other people and when when something makes me uncomfortable or it's not familiar to me, and my first reaction is like I don't understand to be able to know like what to do with that thought of like I don't understand, and then going that's not my business to understand. It doesn't matter. I don't need to. And I think some
people are emotionally mature enough to have that understanding. And then I think there's people who just need to get their opinion out there, whether it means anything, you're not And I get those every now and then, which is okay. I'm able, you know, if I feel like it's worth a conversation to engage with. I'll have the conversation because I think that's healthy and I think that's how people can be exposed to things that maybe they don't get or they've never seen before.
That is a brilliant take. And I've in a completely different universe went through something and felt the same way. I always said, if you want to talk to me about how I feel about anything, and I feel like we're actually going to have an honest give and take and we don't have to agree, but we're going to talk and have that conversation. I'm all in. I love that, I relish it, I welcome. I don't want to live in a vacuum or an echo chamber where I only
hear my own thoughts repeated back to me. I'm all for that, but to what you just said is so true. Some people just want to spew their own venom, spew their own thoughts, hear themselves talk, and then move on. I don't have time for that anymore. I don't take my energy with that anymore because it's just not worth it.
No, I just can't imagine myself being old and looking back going I just I remember having this moment when we hadn't been we weren't public yet, And I read this book it's Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, and it's it's an amazing book. But she kind of at the end is like it is to sum it up, like we get this one precious life, and am I going to look back and go like, oh, I wish that I had been myself or been comfortable being myself. But I was so scared of what strangers were going to think.
Like it feels so silly when I can put into perspective of like how how massive and short and fast and like a whirlwind this life we have, and that I could spend it worrying about everyone else's views on it just felt.
And those people don't care about you.
No, that's the other thing I go. If they if they want to be in my life, great, If they don't, it's it's great.
You're going to lie on your deathbed and you're not going to you're not going to want to say I'm so glad I kept my relationship secret and I didn't live it my best life publicly with Haley or whoever you spend the rest of your life with what a waste.
And my mom always said this, and I truly believe life is equally too short but also too long to waste because you still have to live it and it feels like a long time even And I agree with what you're saying, life is too short, but it's also too long to just sit there in silence and not be happy and not live your life.
Well, what a I mean, how you're only making it longer and more miserable when you're when you're living for other people. What an exhausting experience to have? Or we can look back and only say that you weren't there to please other people.
And it's look, and I know the way you say that, I feel the same way. It doesn't mean you're not a good citizen. It doesn't mean you're not a good friend, and you're and you welcome strangers and all that. It's just I get what you're saying. It's the people that are going to be angry, the people that want to yell at you, the people that want to take you down. And then again, this is something I'm very connected to. Now,
they're going to do that anyway. They don't care about you, they don't even care about the cause of the getting to a better place. They just want to spew that venom and they just want to take somebody down. It could be anybody. It doesn't even have to be you. So remove yourself from that and it looks like you have which is wonderful.
Yeah, I've done a lot of work of I still am working very hard on that. I think it's one of those things when it's and that's a good point. I think that sometimes our society is like me, me, me, only do me, only focus on me? And I think that there is so much beauty and like showing up for other people, and like being selfless and like giving to other people. But I do think when it's just the core of living your life, like you have to let go of the outside opinions.
Sometimes it's okay to be a little selfish. I know it gets a negative connotation, but you got to be selfish sometimes and take care of yourself. One thing I really wanted to talk to you about was Colton Underwood, who very publicly was the bachelor and then now is married to a man. I was at the wedding. It was a beautiful wedding to Jordan and interesting to watch your journeys. Y'all are very different, very different human beings, and you went through very different journeys to get where
you are. But at the same time, I was just curious if you who stayed in touch with that story, if you followed it in what your thoughts were.
Yeah. I stayed in touch with it. And I can't imagine in his position, being the bachelor and going on and knowing this whole time his truth and navigating finding someone and in the breakup and the panic of like this is all going to come out? Yeah, you know. And I've gotten to meet his husband and he is wonderful.
But you know, it's interesting. We talked about you being the bachelorette, and I know you remember those conversations where we had talked about bringing you back as you were kind of just America's sweetheart at the time. Think about if that had happened and then you end up where you are today, it really would have been a different path.
Absolutely. I mean, my life would be totally different, and I don't or maybe it wouldn't. I don't know, Maybe it wouldn't, you know, like maybe there would be differences and maybe there would be some terms that I didn't have. But I always wonder, like what would have happened if if Chris or Ben had chosen me, or like what would my life look right? And I always think like I think certain people are aligned no matter what the journey looks like to get there.
Have you been able to maintain your faith and live this life? And do you find or do you find those at odds?
It's complicated because my relationship with God is I've found the separation in my relationship with God versus religion like a practice religion, And I think I've seen a lot of things in uh Christianity. I guess that hurt me and I have had a really hard time navigating that. It's been a journey of like trying to keep something that is so special and valuable to me, but also not wanting to be associated with something that causes a lot of pain for people.
So you've been able to grow your spirituality?
Yes? Like I think, Yeah, I think there's so much beauty and faith and spirituality and having a relationship for me, like a relationship with God like that to me is a foundation where I find peace and hope. And I think there's so much beauty in that. I and and people are imperfect, and I don't expect that religion is supposed to be perfect because it's it's a lot of human error and humans in general. But it's definitely oh in my eyes to question things that I never felt
like I had the freedom to question. And it's been hard. I think a lot of people assume that questioning a religion or stepping back from a religion is easy, like it's the easy way out. But I think it's actually been maybe the most challenging thing that I've navigated in my life, to be honest.
Wow. Yeah, I think if we've learned anything through the pandemic and COVID and all this stuff, if we don't question things, and it's not being a naysayer or anti this or pro this, it's just if you're not allowed to question things and look at it honestly and have that debate, then it's probably not good.
Yeah.
If you're just expected to just excep something, whether it's religion or anything, it's scary, that's probably not good. If I can't go whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA? I have a question.
Yeah, And it always felt like it was a negative thing to question, and I was now when I look at him, like, I think we should we should be questioned. If you're taught something and you have a question about it, you have every right to ask that question. Raise your hand, ask the question, like stand up, like speak up, because I think that there's fear in questioning something that feels so big, and a lot of things that I have questions in terms of religion don't have a secure answer.
There's no answer aside from like you just have to believe. And sometimes that's like I need something.
I need something tangible, I need some science. But then you get into faith and what, yeah, what is faith and all of that and believing in just a higher higher being whatever that means for you and your faith and your religions. It is a fascinating conversation. And I was just curious, growing up one way now living a different way if those things can come together for you, and I hope they still do. It sounds like it's going to be a constant battle for quite some time.
I've fought really hard to maintain my faith, so it's something that will always be important. My relationship with God feels like it well, it is the constant in my life, like no matter what people do or say or thingth we.
Will continue to have those conversations and continue to ask those questions. And it was funny. I was thinking about Lauren and I, who you know, my fiance, and we kept ours private as well for quite some time. As you know, you knew we were dating, but we were private for like six seven months for our own reasons
and it was just time. And another thing I wanted to bring up about your message on social media about being out, your celebrating your one year anniversary, something that really hit me was whatever time frame you're on, whenever you come to your truth, whenever you want to talk about it, if you ever want to talk about it, that's okay, that's your time. It's your life and in your journey. And I really I bet that those are wonderful words for people to hear.
I thank you. I feel like I get so many messages from people and they're like, I'm so scared to come out, and I don't know what people are going to say or think. And one of the biggest things for me when I finally felt ready was that I had a support system, Like I had people surrounding me that I knew love me and support me and I could do anything and they would say, we all.
Just loved you just the same. It didn't matter.
I had that knowing no matter what happens, from like strangers on the internet, like I have my I have people, and so I always try to tell people, like, take your time and make sure that you you have even if it's one person, even if it's a ride or dia best friend, make sure that you have someone in your corner, because it can be a very lonely space for people. And I think that a lot of people feel rush to be proud and it's like we're celebrating Pride Month and it's like, be proud of who you are.
And I also think that you should do it on your time because there's there can be a lot of hate and negativity associated with it, and it's a beautiful it's a beautiful part of yourself to be able to accept that, and it's a it's a beautiful part to be able to be out and open about it. But it's also beautiful to have safety around it. And I just always it felt very important to me that people know that they don't need to rush or like if
they have a partner who's who's already out. You know, Haley has been out for years and she waited, well.
And what was it like for or now you know, with Haley's you're not just dating somebody. You're dating someone who was a bit of an icon in the LGBTQ community. So there is this I'm sure there was this battle where she's she's kind of living this life where she's kind of already out and proud, and you're like, was that difficult on your relationship because she is that icon.
Yeah, I mean there were definitely at the beginning some very hard conversations that we had to navigate because I so that was the whole like private, verst secret thing. I was like, I never want you to feel like a secret. So when we were out or like if we met people or you know, someone came up to me to say hey, I always introduced her as my girlfriend or said Haley. I never said like, this is
my friend, you know. And so it was just kind of like finding the places where I could show up for her and still take care of myself and like do it the way I needed on my timeline, but also make sure that she felt secure in the relationship because she's like I don't want to feel like I'm back in the closet, and I'm like, yeah, that's fair, but this is this is big, this is big. I'm trying to show up for you, but like not abandoned myself.
And there were definitely hard conversations, but I was I will forever be grateful at how we were able to navigate that and her like patience and love and how she navigated that with me.
You were just so happy now. I mean even when I see you sitting in front of me right now, this smile on your face, this ease about you. What was it and what is it about Hayley that just blew you away and made you fall in love probably for the first time in your life.
Yeah, definitely for the first time. I I don't know if there's words for I always when I think about when I met her, it was a night of her album release party and I just showed up with I went with a friend and I remember seeing her get out of the car and I didn't I knew what she did for a career. Because my sisters, my younger sisters lived with me at the time, and both of my sisters are gay, and so they were watching her music video. That's all I had seen of her at
this point. And I remember this like I would never call it love at first sight, because that feels so silly to me. But I remember this like instant curiosity about this person that I had never met, and I will always like hold onto that feeling because I remember watching her get of the car. She came and she said hey to my friend, but she didn't like say hey to any of us, and I was like, oh,
she's like too cool. And I remember her walking up and it was just something that I don't think I could describe about someone or put into words or figure out how the feeling happened or what it was.
It was just instant, instant chemistry, instant connection. Yeah, and then you figured out it was real.
And then yeah we had We went and got drinks and talked for like four hours.
And so it was instant on her side as well.
Oh yeah she would That night, she was like flirting with me so hardcore that we were like, hey, you know. She kept asking my friend Brittany, like is back into girls, and she's like no, but her sister is. So we were trying to set up.
With my sister and you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, there might be something here.
Hold on. Yeah, Like I was like in denial. I was like, oh, this girl's flirting with me, but like, you know, not wrong girl. And then I think it was like two days later and realized it was the right girl.
It was so I was gonna say it was that instantane is where you met this person that just blew you away, and she just kind of got in your head and got in your soul, and two days later you're thinking, I am really interested. I am very curious about this woman.
Yeah. We had a day in between when we met and then when we got drinks, and the day in between I had a date with a guy, and I remember getting in the car and checking my Instagram DMS and I was just like wanting to talk to her. Did not care about the guy.
Yeah, sorry buddy.
Wasn't a great date anyway. But I just remember being like, oh, instantly wanting to see if she had messaged me, which I was like, why would I care. I wasn't interested.
And then the next day you guys talked or went out again.
We were all supposed to get drinks for her to meet my sister and everyone bailed and she was like, would you and would you want to get drinks? And I was like, hmm, you know, I knew she was interested, so I was like, of course you would want to get of course she wants to get drinks alone. And we talked for four hours and shut the bar down, and I remember leaving being like, I didn't sleep that night, you know, is the whole thing that everyone told me, like that you feel and it just hit me and
I was like, what is this? So it was fast.
That's amazing, though, what a beautiful story.
Thank you.
Do you guys, do you think you'll ever get married?
I you know, I didn't realize this obviously going on the Bachelor, but I think that I just always assume that's what I had to do, you know. And so I think this relationship, I've learned so much about having choices and wonder it's wonderful. And I think that both of us are on the same page of wanting to be together whatever that looks like, whether it's a wedding. I think, like, I'm not someone who's like pictured myself
in the white dress, Like I don't have that. I've never had that like vision for myself, like when you talk to Tanya rad She's got it all long.
That vision board has been built for decades.
So yeah, I think we're just kind of like on the same page of what we want. And I always say, you know, Paileey was like, this is my dream and this is what I want. I would be happy to but I think it's it's kind of been nice going like, oh, we can just be together without that pressure or like.
Me a wedding, but whatever it is. I totally understand that as I have gone through this for the second time with Lauren, and the first time I was young, and I was I was, you know, Southern like you and conservative, and I was going through the motions of Okay, you go to college and then you have a girlfriend, and then you get married and this is what you do. And now circling back living life with choices and really living life truly for the joy of it, of what
is this relationship. We'll define it, we'll figure it out and if and again, if if I wanted to or she wanted to do something, great, let's do that. But in the meantime we just slowly let it evolve into whatever we wanted it to be, which is such a wonderful, happy thing to do.
I mean, I didn't know the joy in that until I experienced it. And I don't know if, like I don't know if people know the joy of just letting life happen without needing to have it all planned out or change a lot of yeah, or change that.
What is the the interesting urge? And again, maybe it's just programmed in us. Okay, we're happy. Now, we need to change it. We need to we need to label it and change it. And that's so counterintuitive to everything else in our life. Say you were running a business and you were incredibly successful, you'd be like, Okay, let's rename this and change it. You just don't do that in other facets of our life. Yet we do it constantly with our relationships.
That's so true. Yeah, I think we're just programmed that that's the next It's like, there's the next step, what's the next label. It's like you get, you get, you answer one question and then it's like, well what's next, Yeah, what are you doing next?
Let's call it something different. You have to change rank.
I know it's it's it is, it's interesting, But I don't think. I don't know that you know, the freedom of not having to do that until you live it.
Yeah, how has it been for you to not just come out but also be a bit of an icon as well? As I've been overwhelming pressure welcome pressure because I know people look to you and at the same time you're just a woman trying to figure things out as well.
I definitely want to consider myself an icon. But I you know, I'm very I get very like emotional and humbled by the messages and stories that I hear of people navigating the same things that I've navigated and saying that I made them feel brave like that to me feels like almost so it's so much bigger than me that it's like sometimes a lot to take in. But
I feel I don't feel pressure. I just feel like grateful that something that felt so scary for me is something that makes other people feel brave.
You know, absolutely well. I know Clinton, I've talked to Colton about this too, and I know you guys are in the same boat as far as that goes. Because you were so public and because people have feel like they've kind of lived this journey with you, and you represent them and you resemble them. It's a powerful thing, and it is a wonderful thing.
Thank you. Yeah, it was. You nailed it. It's been a journey.
It hasn't been a journey. We will use that word in the best of terms this time. Yes, Yes, I'm just so happy that you are happy. And I'm just I feel like you are just a different woman and the woman you were always meant to be, and I just I get so much joy in that. And when I see you and Haley together, I'm like, yep, that's that's a no brainer, Like, how did this not ever happen? You guys just look like you're meant to be, look like you were so in love.
Thank you, we are. I feel very grateful. And you know, every part of my story led me to this, you know, it's it was Hailey was a Bachelor fan, Hailey's a Bachelor fan. She knew who I was when I came to the party. You know, It's like everything led to where it was supposed to be, and that that that part of it's really cool to me.
You have the podcast going on, yes, scrubbing in you and Tanya rad check it out. It's really good. What else is on your plate these days? I know you're an influencer. I see all the ads going what else because you always have so many good side hustles.
Yeah, honestly, that's been like my focus is just like the podcast, and I think that the influencer world is still one of those things where like when you tell people what they what you do, they're like, I don't get it. It's a lot of work. It's so fun, but like it's a you.
Know, you eat Taco Bell breakfast wraps.
I mean, that was a dream come true. I think I peaked at this point. I don't know where to go from here. I don't know where to go after the Taco Bell collab, but I yeah, that's kind of been my focus.
And well, I know your time is precious too, because you have something that I found I struggled with, which was trying to find time with Haley, who's on the road a lot. She tours, she's traveling. And I went through this in my first marriage of trying to make life, love, kids, all these things a priority while you're being successful. It's not easy.
It's it's very hard, and I think the pandemic really made it hard because we were always go, go go, and then I think the pandemic. It was like I could be around you twenty four seven and never get tired of you. And then and we had that for a couple of years, and then life starts back up and she's gone and touring, and it's been an adjustment.
It takes work, for sure.
It takes a lot of work. And it's like takes both parties having to put in the work. And it's it's definitely you know, I feel like you. There's like this glamorous idea of what it's like to date someone.
Yeah, you know, No, it's I totally get that. People thought it the same thing. It's like, oh, he has this great job, he travels the world. He's in South Africa, he's in Australia. It's like, yeah, but you're I'm not
there with the people I love. My kids aren't there, my wife's not there, And it's a very lonely existence, traveling, living out of a suitcase and just different airports, and that it is a it's a very tough thing when all you want to do is have that opportunity to be home and go coach soccer, or be at the dance recital, or be with the woman you love.
Yeah, Yeah, it's it's I think for both both parties, like me being home and and her, you know, out there doing and pursuing a dream that's you know, she's been working towards it. Yeah. But yeah, we just like everything else that we've navigated, we are navigating at all.
When you bring up a good point, because I've been on both sides of the spectrum now where I've been the one traveling and you think, oh, that's the hard part. I didn't quite really understand what it was like to be home and to be left at home. In the beginning of my relationship with Lauren. She was traveling a ton for entertainment tonight, and I'm like, oh, this is
a taste of what it was like. I get this of being kind of lonely in a quiet house when you want it to be filled with the person you love. I don't know which one's tougher, easier, whatever, but it is something you have to work on and communicate because it can really tear you apart.
Yeah. I was going to say, I remember when I think I was traveling a lot more when we first started dating, and I think being the one traveling if you're busy and you're surrounded by people, you're a little less inclined to feel the loneliness, whereas when you're the person at home, you're right, it's like quiet and you're all because you know, she's like, you know, go hang out Tanya Alley, and I'm like, they have their own just be like, hey, guys, I'm crashing. I'm coming in,
which they probably all welcome me. But you know, in her life, being she's on a tour bus with sixteen people, it's like she's never not with people.
And then they come home and they like kind of reintegrate into your life, and it's like almost a disruption. You're like, who whoa, whoa, whoa. This is not what I do in the morning, but it is something that you have to work at.
Yeah. Yeah, I mean every relationship there's I think that the thing that I realized with Haley is that I'm so willing and happy to work at it. Yeah, you know, it doesn't feel like work work.
Yeah. Yeah, Becca, I love you. I appreciate you, thank you for being here. I could talk to you for hours on end. I just I appreciate your honesty on level of what you have done publicly and this journey that you've taken. Thanks for taking us along for the ride.
Thank you for having me. Was so great seeing you and chatting with you. I'm so happy for you too.
Thank you. Maybe a double wedding. We'll just knock it all out, all right, BECA you take care?
All right? You too? Bye.
I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Beckatilly. There was a lot to cover, a little bit longer interview than we usually do, but there was just so much to cover, from her bachelor days to you know, finding out that she was in love with Haley and what that meant, and just so many interesting things to cover. So I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. And again my thanks to my good friend Beckatilly. Love her to death and just wish her the very best, as
I do for all of you. And I so appreciate you tuning in to the most Dramatic podcast Ever. I'll talk to you next time because we have a lot more to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the Most Dramatic Pod Ever, and make sure to write us a review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.