This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. Chris Harrison coming to you from the home office in Austin, Texas today. Well, like many of these days, we're going to talk love. We're talking love with an amazing author,
Lindsey Jill Roth. She's dropping a book called Romances and Practicalities. Look, there's a lot of books about dating and love, but this one really struck me because this is you know again, I usually don't read right off of the press release, but I'm going to with this because this is really the hook got me. The synopsis of Romances and Practicalities that drops January twenty eighth. Pop psychology of Malcolm Gladwell and the humor of Kerrie Bradshaw come on right there.
That got me. I'm a huge Malcolm Gladwell fan. I like the way his brain thinks. In reading what Lindsay had to say, it is a lot of her personal journey to love, but with the psychology and the introspection of Malcolm Gladwell, who so brilliantly always articulates life in
a very interesting way. So when I saw this, I'm like, Okay, I have to dive in with Lindsay about her book and weaving her own story through a maze of two hundred and fifty questions of how to find love or if you already are in love, how to make it better, how to make that intimacy and the communication even more intentional and more intense. And so it is a great honor to have author and TV producer Lindsey jill Roth on the show today. Joining me now is Lindsay Jill Roth, author,
and I'm was just in the intro. I was just saying how intrigued I am by this book because of what I did obviously for twenty years in love and romance, but then also being single and finding romance again in my life not so recently, and having he'd been in the dating scene. I get I related so much to
what you were saying in the book. It makes so much sense to me that you think you're getting to know somebody, you think you're making a connection, but we're not, and some of us are really bad at this, And so I love where this book is going.
Yeah, I think it's easy to mistake connection for connection. It's easy to mistake sex and intimacy for romance. And I think unless you are really open and honest and communicative, cutive with someone. Yeah, you don't really get to know someone.
Where are you today? Where am I talking to you from?
So I'm kind of giving away a bit of the book here, but it's dark for me and light for you. I've London, England.
Okay, yes, because you know part of the book is and I don't know if this is a spoiler, but the impetus was this as you fell in love with this charming Englishman but things didn't work out, So it's not the fairy tale ending that led to the book.
Well, you know, it's funny. You have to read the book and it is beat read meets this book that everyone who is embarking on finding healthy love meets. So it's a great story meets a tool for how to communicate to find healthy love. So spoiler alert, it did end up working out with the brit You know, we met in New York. We had a transatlantic, very up and down love story, which makes for some great fodder
throughout the book. And you know, it made for a great romance, It made for a great story, it made for communication, and it made us better partners. I like to say, you know, I met this man after feeling like I dated all of New York. No one was flying me around the world to meet people, or putting me in a room with twenty four other women.
No hot air balloons, weird group dates.
No No. I was left to my own devices, and I was sifting through these men, and I realized there was no tool to help me get through what I really really needed. And I needed to understand myself better. I needed to learn how to communicate better, and I needed to not be afraid. So when I was dating this very charming englishman who I liked for more than just his accent, he was very shortly sent back to London after we met, and we really had to double
down on how we got to know each other. You know, we only had two of our five senses, right. We couldn't smell each other, we couldn't touch each other, and you know, we really had to communicate. So I created a tool to help people be comfortable in finding love and finding healthy love and thinking of a way to open up pathways to partnership. You know, the thesis of this book is that communication is sexy, and if you want romance, start with some practicality.
Yeah, Lindsey. I mean, there's so many places I want to jump in, and for every time I said, well, I just first of all, I can't. It's how healthy you are of your self realization. And I think that is one of the biggest stumbling blocks for most people is you looked in the mirror and you found fault in the mirror in yourself. You weren't going, oh my gosh, as you said, sifting. That's a very interesting word. I
was sifting through all these men. And this can go for men or women, by the way, but we all do this right in our dating life and it's like, oh, he's not right, she's not right, he didn't fit check off the boxes in this Very rarely are we looking in the mirror like you just said. And that is a tough thing to do. It's easier said than done. So kudos to you for saying, you know what, I'm not doing something. I need to fix this if I want to go deeper.
Well, I was going down a slippery slope. I was. I was becoming less and less myself because I wasn't finding the partnership I thought it would. So I this was born out of fear. This was not me at the top of the mountain saying I've created something. This is I'm afraid and I'm unsure of myself and I need to get back to who I am and I like who I am, and how can I be the best partner as me? And you know, what does the
mean now? Really need? Right? Not what's on a piece of paper that might be on my list, you know, because at the end of the day, you know.
Right, we all have the boxes.
We do have boxes, and some boxes are okay, but actually figure out what those boxes are. If you want someone spiritual, dig into what spiritual means just saying someone's spiritual? Right, what does that mean to you? Put it into action words? Right?
And the way you've described And I mentioned this and this is I don't often read, you know, off a press release because I'm like, okay, let's go deeper. But there was a line. So whoever wrote this, maybe it was you, Okay, So this is brilliant, Okay, So I love this. The whole synopsis of the book starts off with with the pop psychology of Malcolm Gladwell and the humor of Carrie Bradshaw Romances and Practicalities, which of course is the book combines these, you know, the kind of
the psychology and the romance of it all. Okay, maybe it's because I'm a geek and I love Malcolm Gladwell and I am obsessed with his podcast and everything he does. But also Lauren got me more obsessed with Carrie Bradshaw
and watching Sex in the City. Obviously I was aware of it, it's one of the biggest shows ever, but I never really dove into Carrie Bradshaw, and so I find those two very interesting because my theory on Carrie Bradshaw for watching is she is not really healthy and she's not very good at this at all, and she's not doing what you're doing, which is self help and self realization of her shortcomings.
Well, when you keep putting yourself in to the same situation over and over and over with different people, something has to give, right and when you legitimately it's.
The definition of insanity. And we'll just keep doing it.
Yeah, right, and you're you're you know, look, you found Lauren, right, and you seem to have a great partnership with her. And if if a long term partner is what you want, you have to get married. You don't have to tie the knup. But finding that person, if that's what you want, it can be incredible, right.
Yeah, And I will say kudos to Lauren who is a far better communicator than I am. And I thought I was good, and you know, considering, and I hate to say this publicly, but considering what I did for twenty years, you think I would be a much better communicator because of all that I watched and the mistakes that were made. But Lauren actually opened my eyes to being so much more intentional. And I feel like that
is this book. It is not just communicating. We can all talk, we can all laugh, we can all do that, but it's your questions. These two hundred and fifty questions that we throughout this book, they are intentional communication, which is very different.
It's also about being or finding someone who you are comfortable speaking about anything and everything with, so right. It's not about getting an answer right, because then someone else is wrong. Right. It's also about you know, if you bring something up at the beginning of a relationship, it's a lot easier to bring that up again and to revisit something than it is to be three four years in and think, God, we've never talked.
About this right. Oh, by the way, I slept with you know, Hey.
Can I tell you something? I don't know how to bring this up. There shouldn't be that moment. There should be a hey, this feels a little awkward, you know, but I know we're comfortable with each other, you know. And you can see that when you first start seeing someone, if you don't have to run their texts by friends, if you can be one hundred percent yourself, you know, when you're communicating with this person, that's indication. You know. If you bring up these questions and you say, I
read this great book, blame it on me. I read this great book, and I want to ask you some questions. If the person you're with is a little hesitant and doesn't want to go there with you, maybe that's an indication of something. But if someone's willing to jump in and say, you know, I'm not the best communicator, but I'll try.
And that's the thing is I think you're going to find for those listening, probably one or the other is a better communicator. It's very rare that you're going to just have two great communicators in a relationship. It's wonderful if you have that, but usually one has to beget the other and you have to help and teach. And I will give Lauren a lot of credit. I think there are things that I've done for Lauren, but I definitely one thing she did for me was definitely help
me with communication. And so if that is the case, as you have found, how can the person that's read your book, the person that is the communicator, or how can they be of assistance and trying to bridge that gap with someone who's maybe a little tentative and a little stand offish with being open with our feelings so.
You can start light. I mean, the person you're asking these questions too, doesn't actually have to know that they're being r and pied if you will, right, So the first chapter.
Doesn't have to be an interrogation.
No, no, it doesn't, and it can be done in various stages. So, for example, the first chapter in the book is about animals and pets. And I purposely did this because talking to someone about animals or pets is a gateway into how this person takes care of others. Are they afraid? Did they have pets when they were growing up? So you can learn a little bit about their childhood. So this innocuous question about oh do you like dogs? Are you a cat person? Oh? God, I
hate cats? Is like, oh, okay, let's dig into that, right, And it's so harmless, but it really if you listen to their answer, it's such an.
Indication lead you into children their thoughts about having living things in their life and taking care of them. For sure, it's a good medical right.
Do you have pet insurance? Do you? Or do you believe you know in treating you know, giving your pet antidepressants if they're a little anxious. I mean, it opens up so many, so many doors, you know. And then there's sort of the hey, I read this book, or hey, I just thought it'd be fun if we ask some questions of each other, you know, we have a glass of wine or some ice cream, and look, I have to tell you, Chris, I hear this all the time. People get three four questions in and they're having sex
on the floor. Because communication can be super intimate, and especially for women. Let's use a heterosexual relationship just in this case. So I'm I'm feeling really comfortable because I'm communicating with the man that I really care about. He's making me feel safe because I'm listening to his answers and he's listening to mine. Times in with a question, and suddenly the intimacy kind of overwhelms the situation. And I really I hear about this more often than not
of like WHOA, what just happened? I get texts like wow that worked. Yeah.
No, I think communication is incredibly intimate. I e incredibly sexy. I think there that is an unbelievable direct correlation. And that is something I saw often on the show, those that communicated and really got each other and hit on that level. Just that's you could see the sparks fly when you say people have that instant chemistry. A lot of times that's what that is.
It is, and they feel open enough to start communicating right and to you know, part of this book is showing people what you can talk about when you're getting to know someone. It's okay to go there. And some people don't always know. You know, Should I ask about your childhood or how you argue, or who you feel comfortable speaking with, or what your hobbies and rituals are, what do you like to do? That's great, but then
you can get deeper. And it's okay to go deeper because it only gets you closer to people.
Two things. Number one, what are the mistakes? The biggest mistakes? And you were committing them yourself? For those that you know, I think I'm a pretty intelligent guy. I'm a caring guy. I like to listen, I like to talk, whatever. So let's take the average person, like you or like myself, what are the what's the biggest mistake we're making thinking we're good communicators, but we're not.
So I think a lot of people make the mistake I certainly did. Of you know, the term deal breaker of saying well this is a deal breaker for me, Yeah, right, and but not actually understanding actually is it a deal breaker for me? And if so, why? Right? So I don't mean like, do you want to have kids or do you not want to have kids, because that's actually
a pretty concrete thing. But you know, I had a a I wrestled with a lot of questions about my religion when I was dating my now husband, And you know, I like to say we're different religions, but I really started to understand more about my faith and what I cared about because I was with someone who is the opposite religion, and I feel really lucky for that because I really dug into what was important to me about the rituals that I would ask us to do together
versus not. But I find a lot of people take trivial things that they're holding on too for whatever block they are, and they hold on to that when they don't realize actually does that really matter? And so I think these questions they bring you back to you. So they're not like what do you think is the hottest part of my body? Or what what do you like when I do to you sexually? Which is a great question,
but they start with I answers. So if I understand this about myself, I can be a better partner to you.
Okay, you know, I think there's probably levels to this. As you said, don't start off date one with all of these questions. These are things that need to come out over time. Correct.
Yes, and no, I think you can feel the pace, you know. It's everyone goes at their own pace and is in a different situation. So like after your first marriage, did you reflect on if you were going to get married again sort of what was important to you the second time around?
Yeah? For sure, I mean and at first I thought, you know, I had the knee jerk reaction of number one. I don't want to be the guy that immediately fall you know, gets right back into relationship. And I haven't dealt with this seventeen years of baggage, and I have two beautiful kids and I'm trying to be a dad. I mainly just was like self restraint of don't be
that person that just rebounds right into a relationship. But then initially my I wouldn't say it was a deal breaker, but I was like, I don't know if I'll ever get married again. And I'm okay if I don't get married again. And Lauren and I talked about that, and the beautiful thing about Lauren is that she kind of felt the same way because she had been married before, and so again we had those talks that if we didn't get married, it wasn't the biggest thing in the world.
And I'm actually the one that felt like the relationship progressed to the point where I wanted to take it there. So it got there naturally. And I think maybe your point, and it struck me earlier when you say, oh, this is just a deal breaker, I am not getting married again. Dive deeper into that. What did that mean really and was that really a deal breaker? And it turns out it was not.
Yeah, or like when people say she needs to be shorter than me, or he has to be tall, right.
And they must be Jewish or Catholic or that's a big one. I hear a lot about religion.
I've heard they can't come from the family of divorced parents.
Oh gosh, well there's there's seventy five percent of the population.
But why does that mean they have unresolved stuff? Maybe they're more evolved because of it, but you need to ask them about it. Don't rule them out because of something they couldn't control.
You know what I find interesting and I'd love to get your take on it is the you know, when you start putting those those boxes up of like they must be taller, or they must be Jewish, or they must be and again some of those I get it, some of those boxes belong. But man, when you consider the swath of population you're cutting out, it's hard enough to find the one. But if you're saying, Okay, they can't come from a divorce family, well there's fifty to
sixty percent of the population. Can't be this can't be this well, net, where are you going to find this four percent that you've left in the world that you're going to go try and find. You're just not So you got to do a deeper dive. And that's what this, you know, one of the things you talk about. You got to do a deeper dive of what does this stuff really mean?
You know? And people ask me write a book your TV producer, right, the first question, just like me, The first thing you talk about when you create a show or you're you're fixing something is who's the audience? Who are we appealing to here? Right? So not every show, not every book can appeal to every single person. But what I love about this is that if you're single, you know, you can flip through this read the story. The story is great, right, I mean, it is such
a fun, great story. I happened to live it. It was not always fun living it, but it's a great read, you know, and then learn from it. Learn from all the other people. You know. I interviewed more than one hundred people for this book, right, So learn from their stories and then dig in a single person and think, gosh, I've never thought of that before. Wow. My parents used to freak me out when they argued, maybe that's why I have trouble, you know, bringing up something that's uncomfortable
to me. That's so normal, right, So that's that. And then you know, certainly when you're on the cusp of something pivotal, you should be asking these questions. And then just today, so you know, the book's not out yet, but I'm it's press is starting to read it and people are interviewing me, which I'm so grateful for. And I got an email from someone who just wrote a story on me and the book, and she said, look, I just have to tell you question number twenty five
blew my husband and me away. She was like, we had this issue that we weren't talking about. You know, he heard my sister complaining about her marriage to me, and he was horrified that we speak to each other like that. And we had to have a real sit down about how much do we share with our family with our friends. And he was supremely pro so he was really uncomfortable with that, and it was festering in him.
She said, and without being this question in your book, I would have never sort of had the courage to say, Okay, we've been married for five years. We have two kids. Let's sit down and talk about this.
Yeah, and guys, just know, if they're sisters involved, there are no secrets, right, just Lauren has you know, between her mom and her sister, there there's nothing that I assume they don't know about me or our life. So just get over it, guys, that's just sister's trump all. That's it.
Yeah, I think I think that's safe to say. I have a question for you, actually, Chris and I've always wondered this. I've never produced a dating show. I don't know. Maybe you and I can come up with something great for the future. But you know, for the couples that have made it, and that doesn't mean everyone's walking down the aisle, but for the couples that have made it, you've been a part of their journey. Is there a signal significantly more amount of communication that goes into them
becoming a success than with others? And clearly, Lee, you have to cut this out of the podcast.
If it's a no, no, it's no for sure. And that's that's what made me kind of when I started thinking, you know, going over you know, getting ready for this interview. Obviously I relate everything back to like my days on the show and about love and romance, and for sure, fine, you know, the whole show from my producer standpoint, is trying to create chemistry and trying to find those connections, and you do that through you know, all our questions
were nonverbal, you know, they weren't written tests. It was let's put you in an extreme situation. She's afraid of heights. How are you going to comfort her and react in this situation? So basically we were asking questions without asking questions, we were doing the same thing, which is that's how I love the correlation between the book and the show. We would do those things. Putting someone on a group date with someone who you hate, are you going to
start a fight? Are you going to make it all about yourself and this other guy instead of making it all about you? You know that's you know, I had a lot of bachelorettes would walk in the room and say how about me? Like, you guys haven't said anything to me all night. You've been fighting with yourselves. So yeah, it's there is an unbelievable correlation between what your theories are on these questions and what we were doing for
so many years. I just didn't think about it maybe as technical now as your book.
Yeah, I mean, in a perfect world, right, someone's going to be in a hot air balloon with a glass of wine and the most beautiful meal in front of them, and they're going to look into the eyes of the other person and say, what pivotal relationship in your life do you want to emulate?
Yeah, but what if you're in that hot air balloon and the person you're with lost a parent in a hot air balloon accident. You know, like that's then they.
Really have to focus on their answer right now.
But now that that whole date, everything takes on so much more meaning. But you're right asking though, that that big question that really dives in is huge. And you know, to your point, a lot of the conversations you see are so superficial of like what kind of food do you like? You know, where's your favorite Italian place in la It's like, okay, and those aren't horrible questions, but that's not going to get us anywhere.
Yeah, you have to start somewhere, and if you're comfortable enough going deeper, then that's certainly indication, right.
But if you can't go deeper, if it doesn't go beyond that. And if you run out of things to talk about, and you should never really run out of any questions. I mean there's there's a million. I mean, you have two hundred and fifty just in your one just in books, just two hundred and fifty.
People people thought I was crazy initially when I was sort of describing the book and then think, how many questions are you going to say, you know, fifty and I well, it's two hundred fifty questions And they were like, oh.
I bet. Publishers were like, should we break this up into ten books?
Yeah? Right, talk about a franchise.
And so, but that is an interesting thought of you decided to put all two hundred and fifty and this story because it all kind of encapsulated throughout with your story.
It's a journey, and look, I am not interesting enough to carry this whole journey, right. So that's why there are a couple stories throughout, many different couples. I interviewed many who did the questionnaire, celebrities, subject matter experts. You know, I created this great system and it's been validated by all these respected people. Psychologists, social psychologists, sex therapists. You know, they're all behind it because it does work.
Lindsay, in one sentence, you just told me you're not a reality show contestant. You produced television, and that is I know I'm not interesting enough to carry this.
I'm not, but I really can tell a good story.
Most reality contestants are like, no, I am so interesting. People want to know what I'm going to eat for breakfast. There were so many they were contestants. They would come on the show and they don't realize that the show is what's giving you this glow and this fame and all this, and they would leave the show and assume that people just really cared so much about them their everyday life. I'm going to do a you know, like
the Kardashians ruined everything for everybody. I'm going to do a Kardashian type show where cameras just follow me around and I'm like, Okay, what's what's the catch, What's what are you producing? It's like, oh, nothing, They just I think people just want to know what I'm doing. And I'm like, okay, sweetheart, good luck with that.
Wasn't that so funny? People must they do this with me too? They come up to me all the time. I got the best idea for yes, and you hear it and you're like.
And and where's the television? Yeah?
So what are people watching?
You know, my family, my brother and I are so wacky. Man following us around. You should follow us when we go to a football game. It's crazy. And I'm like, that's yeah. You're just describing Instagram and TikTok to me.
Yeah, one hundred percent. And you know what, there's a place for that, and there's a place for anything. And you know, I love I'm like you. I heard you say recently, you know you were doing some some prep for this interview. I was as well, and I just I heard you say so many times that you love love.
I do.
I love love. I love dating shows. I love watching people. I love watching their eyes and that moment where you're like, oh, it's there. I love meeting someone on the street and they tell me they're single. My husband wants to like pull me away at that very moment because he's like, oh god, because I want to set them up if that's what they want, because it's beautiful and healthy love. Have you watched the Adam Brodie Kristen Bell.
Oh my gosh, I swear I was just getting when we got into the religious part, I was like, nobody wants this is the new Kristen Bell Show. It's on Netflix and I can't recommend it enough.
If you want to see a hot rabbi and Kristen Bell, it's like your dream past, you know. And people, so it's all over Instagram. Obviously. It's a great show and people.
Are a lot. It's just such a simple rom com. I love that it's like, Okay, let's not think too hard. It's so finally and it doesn't have to be so serious and so like I feel like everything I watch now is so intense and like negative and dark intense.
Yeah, And so that's why this show celebrates people communicate and people who are figuring out their lives together. And I love that there's this sort of healthy love movement going on. Do you know what I mean?
Well, what I love is they they literally talk about what you probably went through is you know, spoiler alert. He's Jewish, he's a rabbi, she's not, and they're they're dealing with that and trying to overcome that and having conversations. And I'll be honest, sometimes they can unicate well about it. Sometimes they don't, and that's that's real life, which is what I like about watching the show.
Yeah, and there's there are moments in it too where you have to think about is this the right relationship for me? But is it also the right relationship for him? And if I bring this to his life, is that going to be okay for him? And is this going to be okay for me too? It's like, is there's
a greater good here too? It's a it's a it's a bit the stereotype, but it's it's a it's a great show with a great cast, and you start, you know, you reflect and actually one of the things that I love to bring it back to my book of course.
Let's do It. Romances and Practicalities comes out January twenty eighth. Find it where you find all great books.
Yes, exactly, just go on the on your computer or your phone. People read it and they love to talk about themselves. It opens something up in people, and I love that because, again, like you, I'm happy to step in talk about it and then step back and let the magic happen. Yeah, and it happens differently for everyone, but it happens, and it's incredible.
And when you see it work. And when I say I love love, I mean that was when people said I did a good job on the Bachelorts. I did care. I cared about these people. I wanted it to work. Yes, I wanted ratings. And I know we were making television and we were good at that too. But I really loved seeing these people get married and now going to weddings and seeing children being born, and you're like, this works. This really is a beautiful thing when it works, and
it's hard and it's a it's not always perfect. And I have always relished that too, of watching the awkward and seeing the crash and burn we all do.
Awkward is not bad though, actually it has awkward. No, but we've just gotten into like a life of thinking awkward is bad.
Well, because Instagram and social media, there is no awkward. Typically, it's just perfect, right, that's right, you pick the right filter, no blemishes, you know, No, it's everything's perfect and glossy and it's in sixteen seventeen second clips. But that's not life at all. Life is messy.
Life is awkward, and overcoming awkward leaves leads to awesome.
Yeah, and so you know, I one thing about and I don't want to promote this show, but one thing about the show that and I hear this more and more, and maybe it's from the show as everyone talks about the ick, right, Oh, I got the ick. This thing gave me the ick. I just you know, you kind of go back to these deal breakers, and that, to me, is a very dangerous mindfield to be walking through of somebody did something awkward, or somebody did something we're like, ooh,
I don't know. You kind of have to get over yourself a little bit.
I feel like the ick says so much more about you than it does the other person. You know, whatever weird thing they did that gave you the ick, it's like, hold on, why did this totally shut me off? Why did this give me the eck? So that's jump on you.
Versus a lot of it, you know, I think a lot of it in a lot of things, in relationships and communication and conversations. Again, a lot of it. That's why I started this off by saying, Wow, you being so self reflective was such a healthy thing because most of us don't. Most of us, it's so much easier to look outward than inward. It's easy to be it's so easy to judge, and to be judged is really difficult. That's what makes our business so hard because you're constantly just being judged.
Totally.
Okay, if you have is there a section in the book and I'm going to ask you to pick a child? But let's be honest. I have two children, and I have a favor from time to time, So I'm gonna ask you to pick a child. Is there a section I want to ask you for one question that's impossible, but is there a section of questions that you think? This? To me is my favorite child? If you can get to this stage, this is kind of that Malcolm Gladwell tipping point.
That's such a good question. No one's asked me that yet, so thank you for making me a little bit. As you can see, I'm trying to think of my answer. As I replied to.
Your question, Well, you know, I love Malcolm glad Well, so I love that side of it.
So for me, I would say my favorite questions were the it's the religion section because for us they were the hardest. They were what we saved for last. They were the ones that I didn't handle perfectly. They were the ones that if I could redo, I would do a little bit better, but I struggled there and they
were very hard for me. So writing that chapter, you know, I brought in a rabbi, I brought in a priest, I brought in religious leaders to talk about what this means for different people, because I know it's hard, and I know that that's something that comes from our childhood, right,
how we feel about religion or spirituality. And you know, part of this book is trying to celebrate people for who they are, which where you come from does determine where you are, but you know, learning about boundaries and
answering questions about religion. You know, just because you grew up Kosher, for example, you know a lot of people just say, oh, with someone else who's Jewish will be kosher, right, And it's like, hold on, why it's okay if you're doing that ritual because your family, But please understand why that's what I ask.
Understand why that's It's fascinating, you know what hits you the most, and that makes sense. And I bet it was honestly tough to even watch the show Nobody wants this because it sounds like it was loosely based on your life.
It was so it was so fun, it was so interesting, and this is just eye candy meets.
Real life right see for us. And that's why I think picking your favorite child is the operative word for that, because anybody that reads your book is going to find a different favorite child. Like Lauren and I when we started communicating and all that, she comes from a family of lawyers.
Why Lauren, Oh, I feel you girl?
Yeah, I mean dad, her dad was a great lawyer before he passed away. Her mom, her brother's a fantastic lawyer. They argue, they argue, and they they get after it and by the way, you better bring facts and you better be good at it. But I didn't come from a family that that did that, and I it was harsh for me, and it took me aback and I had to realize, this is their love language. This is
how they speak love. And if you can hang and you can contend in this arena, that's how you earn their respect and you kind of, you know, mix it up a little bit. But for me, that felt like there was vitriol in the air and it was mean and contentious, and I was taking it the wrong way. And so I had to communicate that and it was hard for me, and so that would have been my favorite child in your book. Having that conversation was important for us well.
And sometimes it takes another person to help you understand your family, right, So Lauren could have easily said, do you right, That's how we communicate, That's how it is, that's what I grew up with. But it sounds to me like she was able to self reflect and understand. Gosh, that is. That can be tough for someone who's and you were grown up. It's not like you were a child when you were coming into this relationship.
Oil is interesting, but I had to go back to my childhood and Lauren and I had that conversation to your point of being self reflective. Why didn't my family discuss that way? Why weren't we you know, were we just good Southern folk where we got you know, bless your heart, bread sit under the rug and go on, and we don't you know, don't talk about your feelings. You swallow them, you know. And my family wasn't necessarily
like that. But those are the things you have to question of Why didn't we talk like that?
Yeah, I mean, there are so many people that I spoke to who had very you know, young people who had very old fashion views on sex and masturbation and monogamy non monogamy, and some of them went to Catholic school. Some of their families never talked to them about it, and you know, it was they had to figure something out, you know, in these relationships.
Because most of the time, we just start having sex, right, That's why you know you're in a relationship. You start having sex, and sometimes it's good, it's sometimes it's great. Sometimes you just kind of keep going and if something's wrong and you're not saying something that's huge, you could get out of a great relationship. And if you had just asked a question or two, you could have broached that object.
There's a great story in the book about this woman who met someone and their chemistry was incredible, right, they did talk about stuff, and then they went to have sex and it was horrendous, and she thought, I have to end this relationship. I can't be with someone I can't have sex with. And she spoke to this man and she sort of made the decision, I'm going to go for it, and he was receptive to learning about how to have better sex with her. Based. You know,
he was with someone for many years. That's what he thought sex was, and they were together for more than a decade because they had the conversation about it.
Let's start the conversation.
And it is scary to bring up something like that. It is.
It is. Yeah, there are things that are easier than others and stuff that's in the bedroom and sex because again, we've we've made it so taboo, we've made it so off limits that You're right, it's scary.
Do you You and Lauren have various check ins with each other, do check in about certain things.
Again, Lauren is such a great communicator, one of the many reasons why I love her. We it's impossible not to check in.
That's amazing. She set up a great structure.
She really has. We are constantly communicating. We constantly talk to the point where you know, she knows that, like I know, women have a lot more words to get out during the day. I know you might be done, so she'll let me go to sleep. But yeah, no, we That's one thing that's definitely different from my first marriage was just I'm such a better communicator, and I really thought I was. Honestly, I thought I was a very caring, attentive, communicative guy, especially for a guy. You know,
men were not the smartest animals in the world. But I thought I was above average and good and I was decent at it, but not compared to what I needed to be. And that's why I think, you know, your book is so imperative for people to die into for their relationship. I think it's invaluable.
Thank you. I mean, look by the way, I think you're being a little hard on yourself. I think you know, for the first relationship that you were in, you needed to be a different kind of communicator for it to succeed. But actually you have to find the right mode of communication for you in the partnership that you're in. Right, so there should be a great base level. But but don't try to be something that you're not anything.
Well, and we were children, you know, you're you know, getting together in your teens and getting married in your early twenties. I mean, our frontal lobes weren't even formed yet. So we have to give ourselves some grace, yes.
And that's part of this is giving yourself grace.
Lindsay, I could go on for days on this. I love this and I think eventually we need to work together.
I mean, I just all the ideas, Chris, all the ideas. I did watch you, I watched you host, I watched you, you know, live this life. And I think what you've experienced is is so great. And I because you've seen so much love. I I'm just so grateful that you're willing to explore this kind of love with me. That's, you know, not being alone on a beach on an island, but creating that same passion through communication. So I'm so grateful to you for reading this book and enjoying it.
It's it's really my pleasure. And yeah, for most of us that can't just jet off to Bora Bora and solve all our problems. We have to live in the real world with children and jobs and parents and things, and we have to you know, we have to do the work. And that's that's part of it, and so this but this book makes it fun.
The work is fun.
The work is fun. It's and by the way, as you said, most times you dive into some of these conversations and it gets really intimate and you you'll, trust me, You'll you'll reap the rewards. Lindsey thank you, Thank you so much. I appreciate it. The book Romances and Practicalities drops January twenty fifth. Wherever books are found, and where can we find you? To find you on socials. To find the book on socials.
Find me on social at Lindsay Jill Roth on all socials. You can go to my website, you can go to Amazon, you can google my name with Chris Harrison now and you know we're linked forever.
So we are well. And I'm glad that you mentioned before we came on. You and I were chatting and you and I had taught worked when I was on Larry King Live. One of the great highlights of my career was making it on with Larry King, one of the great interviewers. And you worked side by side with him for years.
And you had a great interview with him. He's such a curious man, or he was, and you guys really had a wonderful conversation that day.
Yeah, I love people that just dive in, like you said, you know, he was a good, good impetus and maybe foreshadowing for your book because he was so good at just I'm just diving in. I'm going to ask the question.
Look, he said to me once, and I do mention this at the back of the book. He said, you know, Lindsay, I didn't date women, I married them, and that always stuck with me.
Interesting. Yeah, yeah, is up.
There, please ask some questions. I don't know how I'm married since he's been up there now, but I hope he's asking some questions. Well.
I hope when we make that transition, we get the wisdom to start asking the right questions. Lindsey Jill Roth, thank you for your time. Congratulations on the book, look forward to it dropping on January twenty fifth, and thanks for being on the Most Dramatic podcast Ever. Thanks Chris, thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the Most Dramatic Pod Ever, and make sure to write us a review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you next time.