The Morning Dump 12-17-24

I found this article and I am so excited to talk about it. Did you know that they're Okay, the ocean's terrifying, right, it's so I think it's such a crazy place, endless threats that we're not even aware of. There is a fish in the ocean that's it's penis can detach and then go and then go out and come back.

Okay, goes out, gets laid, comes back, attaches itself back to your body.

That's pretty brilliant.

It's called a nautilus.

A nautilus.

Yeah, and during mating, the male paper nautilus detaches his penis and presents it to the female. It then continues to function independently, transferring sperm to the female even after separation from the male's body. The detachable penis of the paper nautilus, there's multiple purposes from ensuring effective fertilization to increasing the male's chances of passing on its genetic material. And it's just showing like how far it will go

So this is where the song detachable penis comes into play, maybe and maybe.

Yeah, or really having a mind of its own.

I mean that's a good question too. Does it have a mind of it?

How does it know to get to the the fish puss?

You know?

How does it?

Does it just fall? The smell?

How does it know to get to the tuna?

Right? Exactly? That's brilliant.

I want to see a video of this. I want to see a little video of this fish micro penis shoot across? Is it fast?

Well, there's a video of removing the penis fish from a man's penis.

We don't want that.

How do you smell?

Again?

How do you spell the.

Nautilus in a U T?

I l U s Yeah.

And when you see the nautiluss you'd be like, oh, yeah, I've seen that before. You just didn't realize that's what it was called. And I sugars hell didn't know that I had a detachable penis.

That's awesome.

It looks kind of like a conk shellow mongst.

Well, that's fun. I think it'd be dangerous though.

Man, your dick gets you in enough trouble as it is, and now it's detachable and just.

Goes off wandering whenever it wants to.

Oh God, but I guess if you're a single nautilus in the bottom of the ocean, you know, it doesn't really matter.

And it's long.

How long is a nautilust dong?

It just says it's longest in the body to body ratio. Okay, So I was in I was I was speaking of penises.

Yeah, yeah, so fucking going through prep. This was last week when it was in there or whatever. And it's like, this dog is ready for porno, right, And I was like, well, I get the fuck out of here, and I click on it right because I'm curious what are they talking about?

And this dog had the biggest fucking dick I've ever seen in my life attached to a dog.

This thing was massive.

I was like, wow, good for you. And he was a small dog.

You would have liked chihuah was small, But it was more like, you know, uh, what are those dogs that the queen had?

You know, I'm talking about the corky. Yeah, it's about to a Corgie.

But the schlog on this dog was fucking massive. I'm like, wow, I'm just looking up well endowed dogs right right, because looking up dogs with massive penis just doesn't. That's too bad.

It was it was in our it was in our prep and I don't think I don't that doesn't hold on to it for too long.

So this is on uh just answers dot com. Somebody had submitted the question Hi there, oh, where is it which dog has the thickest penis? Ah? So someone went online like tried to get the answer, couldn't found this place to to do this. Hi there, thank you for your question. It's difficult to say, but in general, a giant breed dog such as a mastiff or a Great Dane would have the largest external genitalia.

You would think, I'm hoping that. You know.

It's a weird Google search, but it's worth it. But I can't find the dog the picture of the dog.

Is this it?

What is the length of a wolf's penis? Again? Someone was curious why I don't know.

That?

Being said, they've been measured at death and the average size is seven to ten inches of a wolf penis.

It's nice.

This corresponds decently well with one dog breed that is in similar size, being the Great Dane, which has a penis length of eight to ten inches. Lindsay Good news. We know someone who owns a Great Dane and can give is the get in this room is the great Dane penis expert. I've never touched my dog. Nobody said that. I never said that. I just said you we do this. If you own it, then you are the expert. That's right, And so you are the Great Dane penis expert in the room.

There you go.

But you've never I don't know if it's that long, I don't know how you don't look at it? Yeah, I mean yeah, I mean it's there. Any dog slungs there? They don't have pants on, you know. But I have never seen my great Dane wrecked. No, No, he's a humper.

He's a motherfucking humper. But he just has no fuck idea what he's doing. And the two lipstick doesn't come out.

It's so weird. No, he ain't fixed.

Here's a question, because you said you haven't seen your great Danes of erect penis? Have you seen any dogs? How many dogs erect penis have you seen? Probably more than what I need to You know, there's time. I can't think of one.

There's time.

Shit, I got a picture you remember that pug that I had, right, This is when I first moved into that house fucking years ago, and we didn't even have anything moved in yet. Just the dogs, right, no furniture, no nothing. And and Samson, the pug is sitting there on the fucking tie by the fireplace, right, it's fucking deck, just hanging the fuck out, you know, just hey, what's going on? I guess Samson likes the place. He's habby God, lucky dog.

Serge of bacca brow. His massive are gross. You could just say penises. They don't look like that, all right. This is a subreddit that makes you go, oh, what the fuck? This is about dogs penises? This is a.

What are we doing here with that's? I can't see that?

Okay, you probably don't want to see it, No, you don't. You don't want to see a dog's penis like a duck's penis. You ever seen a ducks penis? Lindsay they're rapers too, Yes, yes, ducks. Ducks are fucking assholes man cork screwed, raping egg penis shape, raping ass duck. Look at a koala penis. Look at that?

Oh god, what is.

That cotton and blender or something.

It looks like it's trying to pick something up at the bottom of a machine at an arcade.

It's like back in the day they have those little snaps that you put in like cigars and cigarettes, and you light it and eventually blows the end of that cigarette cigar up.

That's what it looks like.

Female koalas have five have three vaginas.

Wow, what I think it's the snail that has five buttholes. Yeah, it's so weird, man, it makes me glad to be a human.

What are you going to do?

All those vaginas and all those buttholes.

Inside the vagina? It branches off into three spots.

Okay. Uh.

Koalas have forklift penises. Yeah, because she's got three vaginas.

You gotta hit all of them. Yeah, ones for pleasure, ones for breeding. What's the other one for?

There?

How about this koala sex's voice activated?

All right?

Yeah? Male koalas broadcast their availability and breeding season. Their voice travels far and clucky. Females make their travel plans to the deepest voice in the land. So the you know, the uh very wide of the koalas gets all the ladies. Well yeah, uh okay uh. Koalas ovulate only after they've had sex.

Really in the a little late at that point in time.

I guess hormones released in response to sex cause the ovary to release an egg, which is fertilized by stored sperm. M It suggested that it's good for animals with large home ranges who might have trouble finding each other on the at the right time. So it has to do with they migrate around to find their partner, so they don't want to ovulate and be like, damn, I missed the window. Female also may also be able to choose not to ovulate. How about that, I don't want to

I don't like the way his eyes are not for me.

It was not good. I don't want to remember this one. Okay, how about that Koalas. I would have never guessed that would be what we would talk about on our last podcast of the year. Yeah, somebody texted and said there was no way I would go upstairs alone to confront anyone. Well, yeah, just the nature of confronting is aggression. Yeah, but then you have no If you can't go alone, you have no business going up there.

I think a lot of that hinges on. Also, how are you going up there? How are you presenting yourself? Are you just going up there like God damn it? Hey, guys, you know cool about it? Or are you going up there fucking throwing a fit and throwing your hands in the air. What the fuck is this?

Man? You're shining dicks down on my daughter's face? What the fuck man he had do with?

Say, Hey, guys, I appreciate the drink, thank you so much, but listen, can you stop with the laser pointing. I've got my kids down here. I'm just celebrating my birthday. I would appreciate it again, thank you for the drink. Have a good night.

Yeah, the problem I agree with that. But the problem is you're feeding the cat. That's the only issue.

I'm supposed to sit here and let them shine dicks down on my table right now.

So there's this funny jiu jitsu joke out joke whatever, and people are like jiu jitsu wouldn't work in the real world, and he's like, that's right, because you know what, when's in enough street fight a gun? Yeah, He's like, I'm not I want to go home. I want to like, and too many people think that they're entitled to what they want, and so they get in confrontations over dick penises when if you just are like, just ignore it, they'll get bored. Right, they want our reaction.

Right, right, that's why they're shining a laser now.

Yes, yes, haha, it's a penis. Everybody has one, almost everybody whatever, like, okay, and please bring us our Tara Massule.

Right, And maybe they thought, oh, it's Jamie Fox, he's a comedian.

He'll think it's funny.

Sure, you know, but also they might not have but you cannot get in the head of another individual.

This is why you always carry a dick laser with you, right, you never know when the dick gets shined on you.

You can shine that dick back. Listen, you carry a gun because you never know exactly. You should carry a dick laser pointer because you never know.

That would be an awesome you know, they got laser sights for gun shoots out a dick onto your target.

Yeah.

Please, we need to respond to the restaurant. Apparently that some of the individuals are shining a dick penis on a table. That's that would be a thing.

For sure, absolutely, fuck all right, I'll go. I'll check it out.

The problem We've got dick.

There's dicks everywhere, sir.

Exqueeze me.

I mean there was a dick. I just saw it.

There goes sir. There's no dick. It was on my chest, Sir, I say it with my own eye. And then it was on my wife's face.

What my daughter, it was pointing at her mouth. It was almost in her mouth.

There was a dick in her soup.

It was a red dis.

Sure, the color is not important, alright, let's just stick to the facts. I swear it was red. There was a green one too, all right, how much have you been drinking?

Sir?

Right exactly, I understand it's your birthday. You're gonna have to leave, right. You saw the light Now there's penises everywhere.

M yeah, whatever.

Jamie, my kid was having a funny conversation with one of her friends and the they were talking about drugs for some reason, and my kid was like, yeah, there's all kinds of drugs. Some drugs are good, some drugs are bad, like aspirin, okay, right, and the kid was like the other kid was like, drugs, what are drugs? They're not what are drugs? And I'm like, oh shit,

You're about to get a phone call. What is my daughter of? Why do you tell my daughter and daughter about drugs?

Yeah, I'm not a big believer in Like, we don't have cutesy names for genitals. It is a penis and a vagina. I have one, your mom has one. That's how you're here, right, Really? Yes, we got my oldest. My youngest asked if we were Santa. Really, she's starting to figure it out.

Huh.

Maybe or somebody at the school is telling her. Probably that more than likely that's it. Yeah, because the little kids, one of them apparently her dad doesn't believe in Santa. No shit, dude, right, she's about that age.

Though, is she nine?

Right? My youngest? This is my youngest. It's the youngest first grade yo.

Ah, So the oldest found out told her about it, no question, no, no, she said it was from the playground.

Okay, I think it was my brother.

That told me that broke it to me that Santa wasn't real, and I was about that that age.

I don't think my parents my brother ruined it for me.

So what did you tell?

I just said, well, what.

Do you believe?

If you believe, then that's good enough. Some people believe, some people don't. But Santa is about many things. So Santa is a spirit, it's not it's not a it's not an effigy. And so you know, if she chooses to believe, great, if not great. But I'm not gonna stop being Sanna even if she's like, my thing is like, don't ruin it for your sister. Right. If she's like you're saning, aren't you be like, yeah, but don't ruin

You know what she's gonna do, though, So as soon as you tell her, she's gonna go run and tell her sister.

Okay, it's just how it goes man, siblings.

Sorry, it hardly matters, you know what I'm saying, Like, I'm not gonna I would rather It's more important to me that my kid knows I'm honest with them than if they ruin it to their fucking sister. I don't want them running it, but also don't want them fucking riding on the wall, like, goddamn kids be kids, right, I also don't want them doing some of the other crazy shit. But it's like Lindsay was asking me about if my kid was seventeen and did at a twenty

You trying to hook Marcus up.

No, No, that's older than Marcus. Marcus is not that old. But like, it doesn't matter at that point, I'm just would be interjecting more grievance. Right, it won't stop, and there's no way it's gonna stop. Well, they're seventeen, now, that's true. You can keep moving home. No, that's true too, And then that also doesn't solve it, right, it makes it way worse.

It doesn't really help out in the future at all whatsoever.

I think when your kid starts becoming like an independent thinker and can do something about it, you've pretty much lost control at that point.

Unless you beat them into submission.

And then you're its assault and child abuse and it comes all these other things and.

Then they hate you and more.

Some age it turns from child abuse to just domestic so fine, right, yikes, Yeah, I think it's like that.

It's at that. It's like that Shane Gillis juke about make a Wish and that they tell nineteen year olds get fucked right, and they don't want to admit that they have a hard line, but they do.

Sorry, sorry you're too old, man.

But I really want to meet the rug if you're really sick. And then like you turn nineteen.

Yeah, sorry, we couldn't get to you last year.

Ye're going to The idea that that's like a hard rule is wild.

So now just everybody should be part of a make a Wish.

No, you gotta have, man, you do. It's kind of like the argument of public property. Public property, I can go wherever I want. No, it's been well established that that's just the taxes paid for it. But there are rules to kind of keep it orderly.

There are laws for a reason. Yeah.

Yeah, you got every dying fifty six year old out there trying to go to Disneyland, the fat man, but I got cancer.

You're fifty six and you've been smoking for thirty years.

Should there be like an older version of make That would be so fucking fantastically awesome? But then again, everyone dies, Yeah, so at what age do you cap it?

I don't think you can it if it's for adults only, right, I think I don't think you camp it, like twenty five and above?

Well, are twenty one?

In a b I'll argue this. I'll argue there's a window where it's not okay, and then then there's a window where it's okay again. So like you're dying and you're like in your nineties, and they're they put you on the plane that you flew on and maybe the most insane time of your life because you went to a war, right, or they throw you out of a goddamn airplane right with a parachute. Like at some point

Deal with it, right, So you're thinking, like, skip the thirties, skip the thirties and forties. Anybody fifty and above, why are you owing?

No?

I think because what if you're if you're terminal in your thirties, I think you should be able.

To do something like what like what would be your wish at thirty? It isn't something simple like Disney World. It's like I want to go with, yeah, make it happen, man, wear the super Bowl?

Fuck okay?

And you can't call you got to call it something else. It can't be making wish for adults and then it under and then who this charity?

You can still just I don't think I think it could be under the same umbrella. Doesn't have to just be for It could be no, it could just be make a wish the pro I could just open it up to adults.

Listen. The problem with it is that there are there's a window at a certain age where things go wrong young. It's shocking when a kid gets fucking cancer. It's shocking when they get some terminal disease at some age you just go, fuck, that's life, man.

Right again, you've been smoking for thirty years.

And that's another thing. If you get lung cancer or pancreatic cancer, which is quote they classify as a quote luxury cancer, with somebody you have a fucking issue with it. You can eat my dick. My dad died of it, so I can say what the fuck I want about it. But like that is, you've done something to cause that cancer, and you should you get a wish right now?

What if it's lung cancer but you've never smoked a day in your life.

Again, But that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying it's a term illness you've created.

There has to be some boundaries there. But I think there's something.

You're still telling someone who dies they can't have their final wish. Though my dad died from a cancer like that, it still was really fucking sad that he was. He realized all these things he wanted to do.

All Right, then, all cancer patients, no matter what you're in, you're in.

You're good, no matter what if you brought it upon yourself or not.

It's not like they get to everyone anyway.

What about a stroke victim who can't speak or talk.

Well, then we'll never know what they act.

Well, no, they wrote it down, okay, right, then send them on dinner with Kate Upton.

There you go, Julie, and there are plenty of kids that go through Make a wish that can't audibilize what they want, and their parents go they've always loved Spider Man deep down inside their kids like, oh no, they don't even like fucking cartoons because you don't know what they're saying.

He really always wanted to go to Disneyland because.

Right because I'm in a fucking chair and I can't stay on the Okay, stay there, Mom and dad are gonna go on Space Mountain.

Yeah, wait with our bags.

Oh it was so fun. Hold on your drooling and let me clean that up off your face. Look at the smile on his face he had. Did he have fun? I mean he appeared to. But we had a fucking blast.

It was great. Thanks to Make a Wish.

Don't get me wrong. Make a Wish is an amazing organization, amazing and it is also for the parents. I know people don't love hearing that, but it is.

I think we make I'm going to reach out to the people Make a Wish and reach out to Jane, you know, and be like, Hey, what's up with this adult division?

Can we make this? This is something we can do. They'll come in next year for the Rumbling Roll.

I don't think I don't think you can call it make a wish. It has to be a different name because you need clear separation on what organizations people are giving money to. People give it to make a wish. They believe and want and have for years been under the impression that they're giving money to a child getting

Name, all right.

Uh?

One one last trip right?

Uh?

One one more adventure?

Yeah? I like that. One last trip around Stars.

I don't know, bucket list, just call it what do you want?

You want?

How about this Golden Wishes?

Okay, see that.

The Golden Bachelor, No farewell.

Wishes, that seems to fit. Final Wishes, Hey, I got that. Beyond the Sunset sounds like a retirement home, right, funeral home? Yeah, final chapter foundation Yeah. See all of those work fine, Yeah, but they sound sadisfuck.

Before the end, before we say goodbye, we're on or something, before we wig.

Yeah, you gotta use the acronym because it doesn't sound awesome the other way.

Make a wish mah yeah, I guess that makes sense.

Yeah, make a wish videos though, and like people get like they see you get to see videos of kids getting granted wishes. It ranks up there. If you're like feeling down, go watch those videos. You're like awesome, or or go watch the videos of babies or kids that have never fucking seen and they put glasses on them or here are you can add to mine here in

You're their mama's voice are good too.

And we had a guy that worked here who was color blind and they got on those special glasses to make up see right, and we're trying to create a moment like that. If you remember, this is a couple I don't remember. This is a couple of years back. The guy he lives in Nashville. Now I don't want to say his name. That's loud, but you know what

I didn't know this. Oh yeah, I don't remember.

This was around the holidays. I want to say, but.

Uh, it pretty much did not go the way they wanted it to. They was hoping that it would be like, oh, that's so amazing, I could see you, blah blah blah.

He's just like, okay, cool.

Was he not colorblind?

I don't know, to be honest, there, I just got this ship in passing and I was like, I was like, you were trying to get a viral moment and you failed.

What was when that cut was working with us here on the show?

The idea? I don't know, Like I would think that you can't just be like, hey, did you hear Gimpi's color blind? You're like shit, okay, and you go to Amazon and you order colorblind glasses and they show up. I would imagine there's some tweaking that needs to happen or are you saying that? He put them on and he was like, fuck, that's worse than who wants to see blue right?

Or whatever color color? It didn't work out. It didn't work out the way that that person was expecting it to be. An eye thought that is.

It is one of the classic fun things when there's build up for something and everybody gets excited and it doesn't happen, you're like, oh, uncomfortable.

Yeah, Like when I told my kids we were going to Disney World, surprise them. I got them the twins.

We surprised them for their birthday.

We had a puzzle made and it said, surprise, We're going to Disney World.

They thought we were going to Idaho and to.

The potato farm.

We were gonna Why did they think that? What kind of fucking puzzle did you buy?

No, No, we were going to take a They knew

No?

we were going to take a family vacation, so we said, yeah, we're going to go to Idaho and plants.

So you were joking that time, Yeah, so you had already set up the disappointment. Well, that's on you.

So then when they put this puzzle together Marcus was like helping them with it, and he was like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, last piece, you like put in the last piece.

And he's like surprise.

He goes to read it because no one else Okay.

Disney World and Marcus and Leo, oh is this real?

Is this real?

They're all excited and Eli and We're like yeah, of course. And Eli just puts his hands in his and against his chest and pouts and I wanted to go to Idaho and see, yeah, grow potatoes.

Yeah that's because you built it up for a fucking Idaho. That's on you. Yeah, you caused your own disappointment.

Yeah.

I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it.

Yeah, but he had a miserable time.

Yeah right, just walking around fucking Disney Road with this goddamn potato.

This could be us. Yeah, I could have been putting you on the ground right now. But no, I'm in line for this.

I love those things when kids are like I want a potato for Christmas, or that one with the kid opens up a banana. Aba was like I asked Santa for a box. I'm like, you're getting I will, I will put a call in. Yeah, you will be getting a box from Santa. I promise I'm gonna buy the I'm gonna go to the box store, which is a thing, and I'm gonna buy the biggest fucking box that I can find. And Santa's gonna make sure she gets regerator boxes.

The twins got one one year. I don't know how.

I don't think they do that anymore. They're styrofoam and they're wrapped in Oh well.

We had a refrigerator box one year and they made a house out of it, a rocket ship out of it, a boat out of it.

It was that thing lasted in our house for months.

Oh shit, Yeah no, I don't let that stuff last that long. Right, But she was so goddamn big, but she would love it. Oh yeah, No, she's getting a fucking box. I'm sorry, she's getting a box to do whatever she wants to.

Oh yeah, uh, I want to make that one up, all right.

Last podcast of the year, lindsay you have anything you've been wanting to bring up in a podcast.

Actually, I had a question written down for to tell the truth, and it was asked a question.

I know.

I've had it written and I always freaking look over it. If there was a day of the year, a holiday that you could invent or name, what would it be?

What day of the year a holiday, new holiday?

Oh, give gimpy ten dollars day. Yeah, everybody feels like yeah, and we'll do it on April twentieth.

Yeah.

Everybody that crosses your path or in the mail, you just everybody past two mail they go to the website give dot com and.

Yeah, mal okay, mail it Toomey cash ypp ben Mo, mofucker, I'll give. I'll take it and fucking you know, carry your pigeon whatever. Yeah, No, that that makes that makes the most sense. Yeah, that is incredibly selfish. I was going to think of something a little more charitable.

But you don't know what I'm doing with the ten dollars that I get.

I mean, there's a good idea, I fucking know.

I'm mine take a portion of those proceeds and make it to the golden wishes.

No, and I hit it to the final destination. You only would so you could say you did, and ten dollars would count as you doing it.

So because I'm gonna be using them golden witches later on.

Yeah, I'm gonna pick reverse day, and it is a day you have to do what.

Your partner does.

Like you would have to go to work for where you're yeah, Lindsay would have to sell cars. Yeah, I'm not married, so it works out right, your partner, so it doesn't your spouse, I guess.

So you take yeah, go work for a law firm. Yeah, yeah, just for a day.

It's like take your daughter to work. You're not getting any power, Like you're not going to be resting people putting your fires. Ye right, you have to go and see what they go through. And also you have to do like at home, like you've got to do all their stuff. Oh yeah, whatever they do, settle down.

I would love that.

Yeah.

No, listen, I know you track your husband's location so you know when he's on his way home, so he can get up and act like you've been doing shit all day, right, man, facking.

Hard to do well.

Super Bowl Monday would be mine. So the day after the super Bowl would be a national holiday.

No work, everybody gets off.

Yeah work, Yes, you can recover from your super Bowl party.

I don't really ever have a problem with that. I don't need to be honest with you.

So, uh, what about you can be anything You've wanted to bring up last podcast. Got some question you've been waiting to ask for a while?

Yeah, nothing, bro, It's been a good year. You know.

Started off a little rough, a little weird, got a little weird there in the beginning, but for the most part for me anyway, personally, shit's been pretty fucking solid.

I'm good. I'm happy, you know, even.

With all the changes that's gone around here in this place, I'm my happy camper.

I can still work, I can still pay my bills, I can still eak. To me, that is success.

Yeah, the monumental moment of making it through another year on the show when there were times that I didn't know if we can make it to the end of the year, right, just because it's been wild. It's been a wild ride so far this year. So hopefully we'll get to do this be in the same spot in a year. Been doing the podcast. Has nothing of knowledge I have. It's just the industry is in a weird place. Things change and evolve, and I have no idea what

See ya, bye bye