The Morning Dump 04-08-25

TikTok I think is like this endless rabbit hole of like talent. To watch people do videos on TikTok I is just it's so fascinating to me because so many people are really talented and the idea and then like learning how to shoot take shots and like clean them up and things that I took a college course in and they're getting it done really fast. Right, It's really impressive. And so I found this guy. He's clearly a comedian and he I'm assuming this is joke.

I gotta be honest. I didn't dig too deep.

But what he's talking about, I think is a really funny idea.

We'll see what what you guys think.

Okay, important updates to the entry rules for the twenty twenty five Prettiest Butthole in Michigan.

It is very important you watch this video until the end.

We are currently only looking to see five spoked buttholes end up. If you have less than five spokes, stay the home to the lady that wrote in last week she had three butthole spokes, asking if she was allowed to compete because she lost most of her butthole spokes during a freak combine accident. In Stockbridge, Michigan in two thousand and six. No, we don't want to see you at this app pageant this year much.

The idea of a butthole contest is so funny to me, Gil and the idea of hey, it's got to be five spokes or three spokes.

You can't be three spokes, you gotta be five.

I'm just being honest. I don't know how many spokes I am. And I don't know if I've ever gazed at a butthole long enough to know how many spokes other buttholes are.

Yeah.

Yeah, I've stared at a few buttholes of my time, you know, But I've never counted the spokes, never counted the spokes, never been like one, two, three, okay, you've got ten now, never really thought about it. I guess I'm going to start, though. I've never hunkered over in front of a mirror and tried to look and count how many I got.

Yeah, And I don't know the right way. Do I need to bleach it first? Like, I don't know, I don't know how to Some of them may be hiding.

Yeah, if you can get through the hair, Yeah, I think shaving might have a good factor there.

I don't know.

I don't know if you need to get the anal bleach out where I get.

I mean, because that it's.

Your butthole, if you if you want your butthole to look good for you, I guess maybe you know, but I think you'd be able to, you know, at least count the spokes with with the dirty brown booty hole.

I'm gonna have to gaze at some booty holes to know how many spokes they have on average.

Yeah.

One of the great things about this job is I get to google things like how many wrinkles does a butthole have?

That is a good question, and I'm going to put that on the next numbers game next time somebody picks numbers.

The claim that the anis has a specific number of wrinkles, like thirty five or thirty seven is a popular Internet meme. There is no scientific basis for this claim, and the anis does not have a fixed number of wrinkles.

Salvador Dolly quote.

The idea that the anis has a specific number of wrinkles like thirty four, five or thirty seven, is often attributed to famous painter Salvador Dolly, but there's no evidence to support this. The rectum, which is the area before the anis, does have full but they are called transverse folds, not wrinkles. Sure, folds are usually three in number, but sometimes a fourth can be found.

Really, so typically all the booty holes have three. Yeah, here's a great one. Have you ever counted how many folds your anus has?

No?

Well, if that's the case, then who are these five spoke buttholes that this guy is like trying to have.

A fuck of competition butthole?

I think a unicorn or an well aged person, right? Is basically your butthole is as unique as your fingerprint.

Yes, of course, yes, we've had a robbery here. You need to get some prints.

Finger no, but butthole prints.

Yeah, I am fascinated. I'm this has not been this whole like Salvador Dolly thing of thirty five thirty, so that has not been on my FYP. Man, I didn't know anything about it, all right, I.

Guess I'm just gonna have to google butthole pictures. Then that'll get me what I'm looking for.

Okay, uh, I'll help.

Oh god, but whole pictures?

Yeah, because I just typed in ba hole right, and it's it's not bringing up much when it comes to a Google image search. Now you put in butthole pictures. There're a lot of fucking assholes here. Okay, here's a good one.

Oh where'd she go? God? Damn it?

Okay, I see which which one?

Okay?

See, now we're getting into a real problem. Which one constitute the star the spoke? Okay? Just the big ones.

Yeah, the big lines, the big the big ones, the big spokes. Not all of them.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. I mean I'm just now to six and I'm already at like seven.

Yeah, this particular person has six of them.

Okay, I I was not aware there were.

So oh, here's a good close up one.

Here we go here, Oh, let me get a gander at the Oh yeah, see now that that seat, that lan's the way that it should be, not like, should be able.

To shoe three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Go ahead, I.

Don't thirteen count the ones that aren't connected.

So okay, So for a spoke, there has to be a clear line.

All the way, all the way and all the way into the crevice, you know, because I think the other ones are just that they're just they're just wrinkled.

How far out? Then? What do you mean?

Cause like this one right here, right here is not very long?

Yeah see that's not very defined. I wouldn't count that one. Okay, yeah, what about this like that? This is kind of not even quite sure what cove? Yeah, we're not quite sure what that is. I could have been a skin tag or something like that that got cut off. But the ones that you can clearly see this is the butt clip, Like, what's that?

I think?

So it says, it says. According to the Urban Dictionary, spokes are the creases in your asshole. So according to that, it would have to be directly around Again, in is the operative word? Like what does nates in? If I'm spreading my cheeks apart to show you the inner workings, we're way passed in.

Yeah, you're you're stretching it out now.

Yeah, uh okay, yeah there's a lot.

We're over thirty for sure. Oh yeah, not every butthole was created the same. No, No, as you can tell by these many many pictures, and.

Do they do they? Are they ever like super smooth? Or like this looks like this lady's got like ninety right, she looks. She looks like sandpaper.

They haven't been stretched out enough.

Yet, are blown out right? And this one's damn near impossible. Hold on, where'd you go? This one's damn near impossible to see what the number like? Look how there's like not very many at all.

Oh yeah, the more cavernous. That one's that one's been put to use a few times.

Okay, look look at this one.

See you That one's that one that hasn't been abused. There's like four. Yeah, you can tell always.

This person taking shits, I have no idea.

They're very small ones.

Rabbits.

Oh that's her nationality, got it? Uh yeah, okay, here we go. Goddamn. So that's a good look. Look at my fancy But Hoole's.

Something I've never said. That's a good looking buffole.

I've never heard.

I don't know.

I've seen.

I've seen quite a few, and i've seen love of them. Like, oh my god, that's disgusting. You need to watch that thing, or holy cow, that that thing is. Get the fuck out, man. That is gaped.

It almost looks like chewing gum on someone's nip. People that is experiencing a supernova experience yea.

That's a very tight butthole. You might be able to get a pinky in there if she'll let you sidebar.

The number of women that just show their asshole on the internet is wild, yarah, Oh yeah, there's no there's no way.

This is pretty proud. That's fucking weird. It should not look like that. That's not okay.

Ship just falls out literally you.

You need help?

Yeah, then I'm telling you. The number of people that what are you fucking doing? The number of people that just show I'm on one. The number of people that just willingly show their butthole, Oh my god, which one is the butthole.

She's concentrating a lot?

Oh yeah, The number of people that just will nearly show their butthole.

Yeah, you want to get paid. We're taking pictures here. You want to get paid. You're gonna spread your cheeks and show me that asshole and then you can leave.

Maybe this person looks like they're questioning this decision.

Uh right, b B, I don't want to see that.

You don't have to open up the doors to the Garden of Eden.

It's okay. I don't understand. I don't understand at all.

You need a goddamn trim. What the fuck?

Yeah? That god that.

But some people are into that sort of thing. Some people are into that.

One guy got his head blown up for I don't like well she probably he probably did in this one too. I don't like using wet napkins. It's just me, no, man, keep it just being honest. I had no idea. I mean, I knew buttholes were all different. That that isn't a foreign thought process to me.

Uh huh.

But the idea that they have spokes and people are actually communicating in about the number is crazy. And I guess I never really thought about It's kind of when I had the epiphany of how much chicken is out there to eat, right, and the number of chicken, like the amount of chicken you would need to produce to have chicken sandwiches and fried chicken and all these things. It's insane, the amount of chicken we produce as a country.

Their butthole, right, Yeah, that's fair.

It's an You think it's not a lot, and then you went and googling it's in the millions.

Uh huh. And that's your problem.

It's I've never shown my butthole.

To anybody ever, not even a doctor. I mean, I don't think so at your age, you should be going to see it. Doctor jellyfinger, right, have you gotten to that? Have you gotten the prostate exam?

Uh?

Well, let me back up.

I I have had a colonoscopy, so I have there you go, I haven't. I didn't show them. I was medically drugged and they did the work. I don't know, and I don't know how colony works. I don't know if there's some sort of forcep action or if they just kind of lube and put the camera in.

Good question.

Now to answer your question about my age and colon cancer cor rectal cancer surgery checks, I have not had one. My doctor has not said I need one, and I'm constate exams. Well, that's the reason they'd stick their finger in your ass.

Yeah, I had.

Now, I do have a freckle inside my eye tumor asshole. Some think it's the same thing.

How do you do that?

And that correlates with uh, prostate cancer? And they found a connection that people that have freckles in their eyes have prostates. So they keep on and it correlates with the size. So the size, the freckle, it whatever, and so they I get checked for that every year to see if it's getting bigger. Can you see Can I see it like anyone without? No, you need the Yeah, it's it's right on the like here you need a

They they say that guys in their mid forties and early fifties should be getting checked. I think it's early fifties more so than mid forties. I think they, you know, should should get the prostate exam.

And I get it.

It's weird to have some guy stick is, you know, finger in your ass, But if that's the only.

Way they can do it, then that's how it's got to be done.

High risk forty five very high risk where multiple family members are early onset forty, you should be tested.

Fifty.

African American men are at a higher risk than other races. Okay, family history, having a brother, father, or son diagnosed with prostate cancer, and early.

Age increases risk. Risk increases with age. Yeah.

So since you crossed over this year, you are you are now in your golden years, right, fifties of golden years? Yeah, sure, you know you should probably, And I'm surprised you haven't, to be honest with you, because as much of a hypochondriac you you are, you know, in a health conscious that you are, you know, you would think, hey, I'm gonna go ahead and make disappointment. Now I'm gonna let him shove a finger or two in my ass.

Now we know where his line is. No, no, no, no, no, look in my eye. I gotta be honest. I'm I don't get tests for every single thing out there. So I've always been like a reactionary thing. So when I had I did my heart checks and scans and all that. It's because my friend who was my age, a piece of calcium or plaque dislodged, sliced her main artery, and she died at forty two. So I was like, shit,

Yeah, but you're never adjust in case because you know, let's say you know, you're fifty, stick a finger in your ass. You're like, you're good, all right, you're fifty one, still good, and you do it. You're all the way good up until like fifty five, and then all of a sudden doctors like, whoa wait a minute, right, something doesn't seem right. At least you caught it before it got too far off.

One in forty four men will die of prostate cancer, so one in eight get diagnosed.

One in forty four died because it is highly treatable. Now, yeah, that's something they just touch you out.

Or is that you gotta do the chemo or one.

I'm not sure this says these are signs of prostate cancer. Difficulty starting or stopping your nation. Yeah, weak are interrupted urineflow, frequent urination, especially at night, pain or burning during your ination.

And blood in the urine.

Okay, sometimes you even back or hit pain or even ed can be signed.

I don't pain me. If you're pissing blood. It might be too far gone by that point.

Yo.

If you're pissing blood, I don't listen. If it's even a tinge in that direction, I'm like a pissing blood, I'm not.

It's like coughing up blood.

If blood comes out of anywhere other than my skin, I'm pretty much losing my shit.

I mean, technically it is coming out of your skin just you know, it's your dick hole.

But I get what you're saying.

You, Yeah, there should not be. Even when I blow my nose and there's blood, I'm.

Like, ah shit, all right? Is that? Yeah?

Yeah, not an uncommon thing. I've had bloody noses, right, sort of a strike to the face, right, right, I'm gonna be a little like WHOA, I'm gonna have to watch that.

I want to see what's happening.

Yeah, when I had that sinus infection a couple of weeks ago, I blew my nose and it came out a little bread and I was like, Okay, we'll continue to blow and if it continues to come out of red, then we may worry about it.

But it didn't. It was fine. It was fine.

The removal of the prostate, gland and surrounding tissues, that's what happens in the surgery. You get a prostadaectomy prostateectomy, so they just cut.

It out of you.

If you've got the cancer in there, you don't have to have your prostate.

They can do radical which is everything in the kitchen sink, partial where they remove only a portion of the prostate, laparoscopy, a little small incision, and a camera to guide the surgery.

Robotic assisted surgery. That's what I need is a robot finger in my asshole. Well, this is I don't know.

I don't know where they go in.

Yeah, I don't know either.

Probably you would imagine it'd be like in the stomach area. You yeah, who, Because everything's just right there. You just move shit out of the way, and you're like, yeah, there's the prostate right now.

Okay, surgeons make a decision in the lower abdomen between the belly button and the pubic bone. Makes sense, so you don't have to worry about where they go in.

That's good.

Yeah, Okay, feeling better about it, you go go get checked out now.

I don't listen.

I don't think you have to do it right at fucking fifty.

No, no, no, why do today which you could put off till tomorrow.

No, I'm four years, four months in Listen of the things that I'm worried about in my life that can kill me. I'm just being honest. I'm aware it's out there prostates. Cancer is not one of them.

That's fair.

Like you said, you're still fairly young. Same reason I haven't got checked yet. I'm forty four. I don't need to. I got six more years until I gotta worry about it. But I know at some point in time, I'm gonna have to go to a doctor and be like, hey, doctor, put your finger in my ass, please please, if you don't mind, why are both hands on my shoulder?

Sir?

Back up? Cancer is one of those things like it's such a scary word that you hear it and you go, huh yeah, right, seven hundred and twenty men get breast cancer.

Right, believe it or not. It's not just for women. Yeah. Yeah.

So if you don't ever go to the doctor, then you don't ever find out you got cancer, then you never really had cancer.

Right, it's only that you find out. Right, how many people died of that stuff before? They didn't even know what it was?

Right, right? Right?

Uh? Sixty seven thousand people get pancreatic.

Cancer, Okay, compared to the prostate right, which what was that?

What was that number? To remember?

Uh, two hundred and sixty eight thousand, Yeah, are diagnosed annually, not not a million, near a million. That's a completely different number. I want to what do you think the cancer numbers are? Like, what do you think is the most diagnosed cancer? Lindsay, what do you think breast cancer?

She goes with the breast. I go with what's under the breast, and that's gonna your lungs? Lung cancer due to the population smoking, How how popular that was until like what the last ten years, twenty years maybe even And then of course you've got the industry, you know, you know, industries to where you're like working in coal mines and shit like that, to give the old black laun.

Yeah, or is it leukemia?

Skin?

I was gonna go with skin. Cancer was the number one uh. In men, the top three most common cancer types are prostate yeap, lung any's smoking black lung whatever, right right, and colon slash rectum.

But damn near killed them. Women. It's breast lung, colon slash rectum.

Okay, and that's what Farah Fossa died from, right that, but whole cancer.

She had anus cancer. I believe that's different.

She got literally dying from a pain in her ass.

Her spokes were blown.

Right, If you had a tider butthole, Farah, maybe things wouldn't be so.

Bit what's the difference.

Anal cancer occurs in the anus at the end of the rectum, where the stool leaves the body. Rectal cancer develops in the rectum, the last part of the large intestine before the anus.

Gotcha.

So anus is right, is is the top of the exit ramp, right right right, and rectum is the exit ramp.

Yeah, okay, that makes sense.

Then I thought it was I mean, technically it is all connected, but I thought it was all the same, to be honest with you.

Yeah, anus is the last part. Rectum is that little dip down here.

Right, so so so like if you're if you're if your rectal cancer grows so far and gets bigger and bigger, because that's what cancer does. Doesn't it eventually leave your booty hole and like become anus cancer.

No, because it attaches to the skin.

Two separate the cancers regardless. Okay, yeah, I.

Don't think cancers, excuse me, is a passing thing.

I just figured to keep on growing and growing and girl, and the next thing you know, there it is.

Cancer.

Here are doing a hemorrhoid?

Yeah, kind of like a hemorrhoid. Yeah.

I was thinking a lot yesterday about our listeners are awesome and like getting here, you get you know, you get sat down. You have cancer, but don't worry. We're gonna give it the old college. Like whatever the fuck they say after that is goddamn waste of time. And because you're not hearing it, no, right, and you're holding your hands with your partner or whatever, and you're like okay, and then what you get in the car and fucking go to QT and get a soda.

Like, what the fuck do you do? That's a very good question.

How do you how do you rationally go about your Do you.

Go back to work? I wouldn't go back to work.

But you're still a month or two away from getting Like I guess, I think you go back to work. I'm not saying it'd be okay if you didn't. I'm just saying, oh, no, I wouldn't go back to work that day. I'm taking the rest of the day. Why but why.

Just like like Lindsay said, to process what the fuck is going on? You just got some pretty heavy news. So you're not going home in journaling. No, no, you're not gonna journal about it, but you can sit down and think about it.

Well, fuck, I've got.

Kidney cancer in this case, you know, because that's what he said he had or whatever he said to do any think about it? Well?

Fuck, all right, Well what are my options? What can I do?

At least take that day off, because I think you would be highly distracted at work and you wouldn't be very productive at work because your brain's thinking about Fuck, I just found out I got cancer, So you might as well just take the day off, go home, you know, grab a fucking six pack or a bottle or something.

To drink yourself. Just my point, Like, I hear what you're saying. Listen, there ain't no fucking right answer. But you're obviously gonna have to live with this, yeah, for sure, at least for a month or so while they're trying to figure out before.

You can have surgery.

The most as soon as you can start making it a part of your life and getting used to that. That's the processing, right, right, rather than like fuck, what am I gonna do?

Ah?

What do I have? Let me fucking google this?

Maybe so, But it might also calm the nerves a little bit to where it's like, all right.

I thoughts man, I don't know, I don't know.

You just start making up ship, you know, your mind just races at that point.

Maybe so, maybe so.

Yeah, there's no right answer, there's no take the dot down and eat a pizza, go and fucking look at the other Who the cares? It hardly matters, right, you got cancer?

So what listen, You get in line, you go sky to ivan, you go bull riding, do all those things that Tim mcgros said, Right, I don't know, man, Rocky Mountain line.

I feel like if I get diagnosed with a fatal disease, I've already lost a lottery.

I ain't about to play another one.

Right, Yeah, that's he may go all right here just being an asshole.

Take him?

Oh oh yeah, you want a zip line with no uh no safety? Now I'd get the fucking here. God damn it. I gave you a warning try and live your life better, and you're out there just being reckless with it.

Well, yeah, of course, why stop now, I've been doing it all this time.

One should take the time to understand how bread cracks and how many spikes sorry spokes are in an aus.

That's right.

That's how you know you understand life when you can name the number of spokes in your partner's butthole.

I have to go home account now.

I don't know if I could.

You don't know if you go? Oh you sure you could, Sure you could. I listen.

If my wife is sitting there and I'm looking at her butthole, there's high probability.

We're having sex.

Well exactly, I'm just saying. I don't mean to use that excuse.

I'm just saying, while you're there while you got her bent over. Just good. Don't count out wild though she might be like, what are you doing? One one spoke?

Plus I don't know what I'm gonna see. And I don't need that scar, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, she couldn't, it's too foresty.

Sure, let me get that razors first.

Yeah, I don't need We don't need to go get the trimmer.

God damn, that sounds horrible.

Grow back right, so itchy putting baby powder on my butthole because the hairs are growing back so sharp.

You guys have a great week. Sorry.

Yeah,