The Morning Dump 03-04-25

I wanted to hit on some of these again, see can because there were more of an that really exists?

Are these sports that have been combined?

These really exist? Okay, so chess boxing competitors alternate between rounds of chess and boxing check made or knockout wins.

That's fantastic. That wouldn't make chess a little more interesting to watch.

Underwater ice hockey played upside down under a frozen lake using a floating puck. Players hold their breath while maneuvering under the ice with no oxygen tinks allowed. Yeah, no, who the fuck came up with that?

Somebody said, I got a great idea, we should do this under the ice.

Extreme ironing Extreme it's where you take ironing boards to places like skydiving, rock climbing, even underwater, to iron clothes in extreme conditions.

I think underwater ironing is ridiculous. You're never gonna get that thing. Get the wrinkles out.

Volleyball soccer kung fu. That's called sipppoc tar tuck raw Southeast Asian sport where players use their feet, head, knees and chest to hit a ball over a net like volleyball, but without using their hands. So kung fu, not like hitting, but kung fu like the Arab aerodynamics of it.

Got it.

Horseball, basketball, rugby, and horseback riding. Okay, think of basketball and rugby played on horseback teams pass a ball with handles and try to score, and a hoop while galloping at full speed.

Okay, that could be interesting to watch.

I mean I've seen a polo match and been like, this sucks. This is not fun to.

Watch exactly, So we ramp it up a little bit. Throw in some rugby. Yeah.

I mean the magnitude of a horse is always impressive, right, and they're when they run by you. I mean, it's crazy, right. So when it was up close, it's cool. But when it's on the far side, you're like, I don't know what I'm watching. It's like it's not like Nascar where they'll be back in a second, right, right. So I never got into that. I never I never liked that.

Uh.

I found this. Remember when we talked about penis implants and why someone like guinea one. Sure this is from someone who got one and before and after measurements, Okay, because I would think if you're going to do it, there better be a visual difference. Absolutely all the time.

Yeah, that's thet you would think. That's the whole reason to get a peni landplant. You don't like how small your wiener is, so you damp it up a little bit.

So this person, before they got their surgery flaccid, they were three inches length, four inches in girth.

Damn, four inches flaccid and three inches long.

I'm just being awesome, honest, I have no idea what my girth is.

That's a fucking like a tuna can. Yeah.

Well no, uh, maybe I don't know.

But essentially, no, essentially because if you think about it, think about your two inch exhaust. Man, that's a big ass fucking hole right there. So four inches around. My hands can't even grasp that four inches around, and only.

A coffee mug opening is between three and a half and four inches, jam.

Right, exactly, that's how round a motherfucker is.

A hockey puck is three inches.

Okay, we've all know the size of a hockey puck.

A CD DVD is four point seven okay, yeah.

Yeah, so listen, but you weren't giving in links.

You got in girth. That's scary as fuck, right, Well, hold on, because a rackt he was six inch in length and six inches in girth.

Okay, that's good, even weird.

So he got the Panuma XXL surgery and his post surgery measurements flaccid, six inches in length, six inches in girth, okay, and erect he was six point two inches in length. Uh midshaft whatever that means, he's seven and a half inches to eight and oh around the mid shaft, he was seven and a half inches to eight inches in girth.

Damn that's a big o'plimpic.

Coc No shit, that is a goddamn club for real, like a baby holding an apple.

Fuck that fuck that?

Oh that can't be. I mean that is what is he trying to do? Be a porn star?

Probably feel better about bottle.

So this is a standard tennis ball is eight inches in girth, a medium sized orange, a can of soda, a standard roll of toilet paper, a man's wrist, a right, a small coffee mug handle. So like that bottle right there.

Which the vinegar Okay, yeah, yeah, I give her take. Yeah yeah, that's a big difference.

So he went from a water bottle right to a vinegar bottle.

Like the big Yeah, that's massive. Can you hold these.

Up to your mouth and see you like.

The Well, I couldn't. But no, I'm not a fucking fun man. No, I do not know. Do not fuck me, Yeah, don't know.

Don't fuck me either. This just shows like it doesn't matter what you're born with. By the way, full you can clearly.

Tell as impressed as gimpie ibartle that you're like, goddamn yeah, even a water bottle I think is impressive.

Yes, fuck damn you.

That is a roll of cookie dough, for sure, but maybe half a half a roll of cookie dough.

But your points taken. Anything with that, Oh, you can do all kinds of stuff with that.

The vinegar bottle, I know it's gonna take two hands. Yeah, so this is what they said. I felt okay about my penis when I was a wreck, but was very self conscious whenever I was naked and flaccid, and I like to be naked a lot. Pre surgery, I always found myself tugging on my penis, trying to get it to chub up a bit so it wasn't too small. God man. I went into the surgery knowing that the purpose is not to increase erect length, but to increase my flaccid length, which is what I really wanted.

Right, But you're going to get hard and it is going to grow whether you like it or not, so you.

Should have expected that.

Yeah, I want my flaccid length to be better, but you know you're going to get a hard on at some point in time.

I had a procedure on a Saturday, and I worked from home on Monday, went back on Tuesday, had my drain removed. Oh my God, didn't miss any work after that. I didn't need the painkillers.

And now he's the most popular guy in the office with the gals.

The first two months were tough at night with nightmare erections. I woke up every hour and a half to two hours. The first month. When I did wake up, I would immediately go to the bathroom and urinate. This helped relieve the pressure so I could go back to sleep. I urinated in a red solo cup standing at the toilet the first couple months. This alleviate cleaning the little bit of spray on the toilet that I had at first, the stream corrected. It's that's something you don't think about though.

Okay?

As prescribed, wearing the rapid night seem to add pressure on the implant. After two months, I was able to get into my favorite pair of jeans. You gotta buy new pants now, Yeah, you have to.

Your big old hog ain't gonna fit in the same old fucking blue jeans that you was wear before. Hog.

Try rhino right right. The question everyone asks about sex, Yes, it's amazing. I haven't lost any sensation, and women really love the extra girth. I do seem to last longer too, and I love the confidence that comes with having a large penis. I tend to have sex a lot. I'm divorced and have sex with different women. I don't feel the need to explain to them that I've had an implant.

But they would be able to tell.

But they would be able to tell I had one if it was totally flaccid.

Why I do What I do is chub up a.

Little before they get their hands on it, and then they can't tell.

What does that mean?

So like, when it's flaccid, it looks like fucking chewing gum?

Maybe so? Maybe so?

My full direction always was always ninety degrees, and that hasn't changed. Condoms regular condoms do not cut it anymore. Ordered the my one sixty four, and they're still what the fuck is my one sixty four?

Maybe they can see the scars when he's.

Custom fit condoms, Well, bothfucker custom fit condoms. How much are they? Seventeen nine dollars? Oh, this one's the seventeen ninety nine. Oh this is where a box of eighty Okay, that makes sense. A box of eighty costs is seventy six dollars.

Get them on Amazon. The new era of condoms. This could change yourthing.

So they're softer, advanced quality set, Sure, of course they are. They have different sizes. You have a girth number like people got to sleep number. What's your girth number? Yo? Girth number anywhere from four point seven to nine plus. I think when they get the orders in they're like, God, damn eight inches and growth. I want to shake his penis.

I don't believe it's sent a picture.

Great Lord, they send you a measuring fit kit. Oh no, you can download it. You can order a three count sampler just to kind of see where you land on this. Fuck me don't pick the wrong box first for real.

Well that's where the custom Fit app comes in to play.

Well, you don't use the mag so do you you get the sampler? Do you try it with your partner? And you're like, and then it's you know, like you know when the elastic breaks out on your sock. Yeah, like that, hold on, honey, that's not the right one.

You got to sit there and try on all these rubbers to find out which size fits best.

Okay, So they have a measuring thing and then you print it off and I guess, hold it up to your Oh no, it goes around your penis like a snip bracelet like yeah, yeah, or like one of those tailor's measuring tapes.

Yeah, And then.

It says that then there's a different one. There's like the color size, and then there's the letters depending on I guess what you're comfortable with. I don't think I could do this with my wife. I don't think I could measure my girth with my wife. I'd be so insecure if it came back extra small for sure, which is normal, Like they're starting with normal size. Yeah, oh god, fuck, always something to fuck with your head, huh.

Right, Yeah, I'm good, I'm good.

You can go with wider, which is a nice way to say small, and then snug snug.

I want a form fitting condom.

You know they had custom condoms?

Can be I did not know that. That is a that is a new thing for me.

What are their social media posts? Like? I love you and your dick? Okay, but daddy, I don't love him. Valentine's Day? Oh Jesus Christ. Happy measure of Penis Day day is that February first.

Oh, we're already past it. Keep that in mind for next year.

You measure your hog Day.

Everybody, whip out your dicks and get to measure it. Text in a mess and then the size of your waiter.

Hey babe, I really want to have sex tonight. I stopped and bought some condoms. No worries. I have custom fit ones. How that's a fuck it. That's gotta be hot for a girl.

To be like, no shit, you got custom made condoms?

Yeah, it's got custom fit, not custom made like fucking filigree right and flames down the side.

I got them off of because.

You're a giant fucking Eagles fan.

Right right? Forty condoms?

Oh wait, I'm saving my brock pretty.

One, like, right, don't get the cowboys condoms. They'll fail you every time. That's terrible.

So they have true.

It's funny because it's.

They have so many different sizes wild, which makes sense. We're all wonders, man.

Yeah, absolutely, not all waiters are created equal.

It makes sense you would get a surgery like this for your confidence, even though we're both astonished by his fucking pre size. But that's what a lot of people do, plastic surgery for us, just for confidence.

That's the way you get breast augmentation.

Sometimes some people get the women's bodies are so odd and the way they make close women so fucked up that they get breast augmentations to make close fit them better.

It makes sense.

That makes good sense where you and I they don't worry about my my fucking pants because my dick's big or small, right, right, that's never been concerned. I've never been like, these are kind of tight, but my fucking dick feels just pressured.

So we're we're sitting here talking about these custom fit condoms for guys with big dicks, right, But what about the guys with the micro pene, Dude, surely they have the opposite end of that spectrum, right, you know what I mean? Because I mean you got a guy that's you know, maybe two inches rock hard and got like maybe you know, maybe an engine girth.

Sure, those regular.

Condoms aren't gonna fit on him, So maybe would you use a finger condom? You know talking about or.

That's funny like when you wear your finger. Yeah this, they have this my condom. People have small ones too, which would make which would make sense?

Okay, yeah, you would think that they would.

You gotta roll on board both directions. Yeah, hit custom condoms and they have a click on it. It's like a sane you get a quote with it, like.

Live long and prosper. Yeah.

No, they make sizes for everyone.

Okay, whoa how about that?

I mean even then, maybe that's why they use the code so like there's no judgment of like it doesn't say extra extra.

Smart, right right.

It would make sense though, that they have custom condoms. I can't believe I didn't know that that was a thing for sure. I mean it makes sense. We only see what's in the store.

You got your standard and then of course the magnums have always been the ones for you know, the black guys or whatever. You know. I don't even know if those are right exactly. I just see him. I'm like here, never mind. So that would make sense that that would because those weren't always fit everybody. They're like bras, right, women have different sized breasts, you know, different cups, different bras. Makes it, it makes good sense.

There's a guy in college that I was friends with, and he would always buy of the magnums and leave them laying around.

His place.

Yes, it's so funny. And I'm like, dude, why do you have Why are you leaving your condoms out? He's like, I don't use those. I'm like, what do you mean? He goes, no, girl knows what condom I'm putting on.

Wha, We'll wait a minute. Doesn't taste like a magnum.

I don't even know to have taste. It's weird you do so Strawberry, No judgment, No judgment, man, I'm your friend, no matter what.

Man, Listen, We've done it on the show and I've done it outside of the show. Remember when I sorted that condom of my nose and pulled it out of my mouth. Yeah, that was a fun time. And then somebody was like I bet you can't do it again. And this was recent. This is like last year recent, that's how recent that was. I was like, I bet you I could pull out old condom out of the fucking out of their purse and open it up, unrattled it and pulled it out right. Yeah, it was a

You get a free tab or something.

No, no, I didn't get anything free except from pulling a con That's like a boxer getting in the streets, like, what are you doing? Get paid? Right? Knowing that I could still do, I still got it. I still got it.

You're fucking seventy ye, still have to fucking pomp.

Yeah, yeah, never believe what I can do.

God forbid, you don't do that trick with one of these fucking my seventy two's God like pulling fucking scarves out of their goddamn mouth at the end, you're fucking underwear. You're like, that would be fucking funny, that would be funny to do that trick. But keep some fucking underwear in your mouth. So right, that's what magicians do. They just you know, walk around with fucking scarves in their mouth.

Absolutely, just keep pulling and pulling and pulling, pulling. Next thing, you know, it's a pair of spotted underwear. I think it's great. I'm gonna work on that.

Can't be the great, that's right, Hire me for your kids bombits, but our bachelorette party.

Right jesus, how about that? When I well things about the show.

When I started that, I had no idea We're gonna venture into the custom condom world.

Yeah, no more.

You know, imagine they calm want us to do endorsements, right, I would do it.

I just be like, hey, I got my size.

Right, not telling you fuckers what it is.

Listen, I will tell you they had to make a custom size just for me.

What are you letting in here? Are you? Are you a water bottle guy or a vinegar bottle guy?

Oh you're a fucking vanilla bottle guy, right right, vanilla extract guy.

Think more chapstick.

Hey, listen, Corbyn, we're really excited about the endorsement. Looking for a great partnership. Can't wait for those social media videos. It's gonna take a little longer to get your custom condoms out to you, as we had to have them specially made in Asia.

A pediatric doctor in here.

Don't worry. Just send me the biggest ones you have. I'll use those for social media. Yeah right, god damn. Okay, all right, listen. Uh we've got some stuff coming up with Lincoln Park. We can't share with you yet, but we will.

It's gonna be.

A chance to hang out with us at the Lincoln Park show. We'll explain those details soon. And uh yeah, I think that's Is there anything else that I'm missing that we've got to talk about. We've got your pub crawl. We've got Crawl for Cancer coming.

Up that is coming up in April. April fifth is the day of the Cancer Crawl, and towards the end of March, end of this month. Fuck end of this month, we're gonna be putting our contrast together so you can join our team or you just go to crawlans dot org. Gonna make your own name team.

All right, you guys, have a fantastic week, and we'll talk to you soon.

See yea, bye bye