The Morning Dump 01-28-25

So I found this list that this woman shared of questions her dad asks her before she can invite her boyfriend over. And I'm curious to you guys' take on these. What are important personal stories that shaped who he is today? Okay? I mean I don't hate. I don't hate the idea behind that question, like do you know him? I think that's what the you know that I was trying to get to.

I was almost curious as to that. I kind of figured that's what the case was. But like, it doesn't say how long they've been together.

No, this is for any This is just what the dad does before he can invite a boy. Is this girl exactly? What does that matter? Well?

I mean is she a thirteen year old with a boyfriend?

Or right? How many life experiences does he haven?

Right?

Right?

Is this an adult woman who's hopefully going to marry this human or this.

Guy that I think if it's an adult human, then this is weird. I think he's trying to like give her tools to know on whether rather than.

He's cute maybe like a sixteen seventeen year old girl.

Yeah, okay, so here's no where did he go to school? And did he graduate Okay, so this is definitely after high school, then maybe I think these are good questions. Like here, I'm trying to give you tools for when I'm dead. Okay, another word, or don't.

Waste my time bringing him home. I don't want to meet him if if you don't know enough about him.

Does he have a family history of diabetes, blood disorders, sickle cell sickle cell disease, or cancers? Now we've taken a turn here. Yeah, you just got black all of a sudden. Is he black? The girl that posted this was black? Okay, that makes sense. Then having those sickle.

Cell absolutely absolutely, you did not preempt us with what race she was.

It doesn't matter, no, but that makes sense, it does.

I mean, I if it's a white dad asked if that could be perceived as extremely racist.

I don't think that's what I'm saying. If I ask all these diseases, I'm not judging. I'm just covering all the diseases, covering all of them. Has he ever had aides? Has he read sex? Said medical history, which I think is weird. I think there's nothing wrong with trying to teach your kid like, hey, get to know someone. Oh yeah, ask questions but when you start going like the next one,

Maybe plastic surgery. Was it?

Well? A lot of men don't have plastic surgery, and a lot of them aren't spies.

True, but I maybe it was for you know, if you're thinking about having children with this person, don't expect them to necessarily look like that.

Again, I think that question is like a really deep leveled we're trying to get into the third or fourth level of your life rather than I'm just trying to get to know you. Yeah, that question is a little bizarre. You may be right, But if we're having that question, I think there's nothing wrong with asking your partner if they've had surgical procedure, but you're just coming over for dinner. I don't know if that's an important question rather than uh,

I I don't see what the point of it is because people, Yeah, it's the past. People date, and sometimes people date a lot of different people. Sometimes people just don't date. Maybe just that one person he fell in love with the first piece of ass you got a hold of.

Those people do exist. I don't think it's any of the dad's business. I don't disagree.

I wouldn't ask my daughter that I know she's dated people more than just one person.

I think. I don't care. I think a lot of parents try to parent in a reactionary way. For example, Hey, I want to bring this guy i'm dating over, Okay, does he have any past surgical procedures? What's his family history? Does he have sickle? Sell like, that's not the time to parent. That is out the window at that.

Point, and you're not learning anything about the person. To me, I think their character is way more important. The boyfriend in this case, the character is way more important than the past surgical procedures or you know, stuff like that, and you don't get to find out. Maybe you can see what kind of character they are by asking these questions.

I agree that character like, what's their character like? And maybe a question of what personal story shape. You can kind of give examples of that character, but ultimately you'll lie. So your character I cannot judge until you are in front of me. Until I see you conduct yourself in public, That will tell me your character. How you act when a grandma is on the street corner trying to cross the street. If you see trash, if you throw trash on there, you know what I'm saying, Like, I'm gonna

Okay, well, I mean it's better than being a crack salesman.

I don't know. One of them you saw a business future, right, one of them you didn't. Who does he live with? Another great question?

Okay, does he still live with his parents? Is he twenty seven and still living with parents? Okay? Or is he on his own? Does he every probably if he will copy printers or if he sells brek?

Yeah? True? Why did he break up with his last girlfriend? Again, we're into a question. I think that you should have had that seed planeted with your kid a long time ago to get to know someone and not just go off looks.

But you said it before. What's it matter because they'll there's a chance, a good chance they'll just lie about it.

Doesn't mean that because someone could lie, you shouldn't try to find out because then they can go well you didn't ask. It's on you, right at least if he goes, oh he dated you know Lindsey, and you go, I know, Lindsay, Lindsay, did you date George his piece of shit? Right? Yeah? Of me every day? Yeah? Uh? Does he make you feel supported and safe?

It's a good question for a dad to ask a daughter.

Yes, But here's my problem with that question. If she really likes him and he's I'm just gonna go with the leather jacket, you know, cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve kind of shit. Ray yeah, well yeah yeah, but like that mentality. Ah, she's gonna tell him, Yes, a kid, unless you have a solid relationship with your kid, which if you did, you wouldn't need to ask these questions. They're gonna just say yes, yeah, right, because they want to date them. What do you like most and least

Blood work, right, it's weird, man, unless it's like looking for like does he have a family history of cancer, like with the diabetes or whatever? If I get it, trying to see if there's long term here. But it's still weird.

It is. It feels a little old school, right.

Like if he did have a history of cancer in his family, what she's supposed to just dump him?

Yes? Right? What answer here is gonna negate the situation because a kid, if they really want to date this individual, is going to circumvent that answer, right, And again I think the works you've missed the chance for work by this point, and to set that stuff up, Yeah, my kid goes, hey, I want to bring George over. I'm gonna be I'm gonna be great. Let me ask you some questions about George so I know who he is, Not like I need to approve his visit in a

My dad was never like I want to make him feel uncomfortable. Like sure, he joked about, oh, when you start dating and bring a guy home, I'm going to be sure to cleaning my shotguns or something. But he was It was very simple for him. If he could hold a conversation with a guy that I was seeing, then it was cool. But if he couldn't, if he could not converse with this gentleman, he wasn't for me.

Okay, So I think that's wild. Yeah, it was this great, I know, but that's not an accurate red flag. Meeting the father of somebody your dating is incredibly nerve wracking, right, And to put make that be the threshold on whether they're worthy or not, it's hardly fair.

Right, What if he's just, you know, very charismatic and knows how to answer the question.

Sure, but he did right the beaver. Uh it did work.

I mean there was one guy in particular that I remember that I really crushed on, really hard, and he could not hold a conversation with me. It was like he was he was nervous and it didn't matter how many times he would come over and he just might have was like, I can't get anything out of him, Like what did he want? He just wanted to hold a conversation.

Maybe he didn't want to talk to your dad.

Yeah, but it didn't work out, right, But you know.

But in the grand scheme of things, maybe he just didn't want to talk to your dad, right, Yeah, him not talking to your dad hardly warranted whether you guys worked out or not. Well, I look where they're at now. No, I get the correlation, right, I get the correlation. But that doesn't mean anything because maybe your husband met him. But would he have passed that test? You'd like to think yes, right, but there's no way to know.

Well, what's weird is the first night that I ran into my now husband. I was twenty two years old and at a bar having dinner with my dad, and Kevin had came up and approached us, and we hadn't seen each other since high school. And I said, holy shit, Kevin, what's going on? And he was like, Lindsey Wow. And then he stuck his hand out and introduced himself to my dad right, and my dad was like, oh, do you have is your dad so and so? And he's like, no,

So your dad's went, yeah, your dad's all went down immediately because of somebody he knows. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just saying that those type of things hardly warrant a real threshold test in relationships, because any of these questions kids in dating is like wild. I found out yesterday, hold on, I got a day. I found out yesterday somebody I dated in high school died, right that. I told her they died, But I didn't remind her I dated that. Oh. I just didn't mean. What are you talking about? What

Was, right, she would probably say you did. She would probably and give you all kinds of examples. Probably probably likely. But maybe it's because.

Does that make me bad? Though? And great? And really I'm speaking in general terms, but like, does that make you bad? I don't think so.

Cause trauma on somebody they can't and it sucks. But one could also say it's on them. You know, it's not your actions, it's it's their reactions that caused the trauma. Right, It's not anything you did, it's just how they reacted to it and how they continue to react to it that causes the trauma. I don't think it makes you a bad person. I'm sure there's people out there.

That that that.

That do things on purpose and to cause harm and trauma to people, but I think a lot of us do it subconsciously. We don't even know that we're doing it until way later down the road when they that other person has had their therapy s action and they're like, you need to go talk to the therapist. Is like, you really need to go talk to this person and so you can get over it. And then they come back and they're like, hey, she's like, no, you did some shit to me. Yeah, fucked me up pretty good.

Yeah, that's how I feel. We'll come back. But to tie that up to what the list is, I got cross with her dad, oh wow, and like to the point where like he got mad at me, and he was a he was a very large presence of an individual, even though I was in high school. I mean just he was a he was a large man. Yeah, And every any trouble I got in with him was all because of her getting caught drinking all these things, because

That's fair to say, that's fair to say. They do it all subconsciously. You're the hero of your own story.

And so I don't I don't think people, well, some people too I don't think so. I'm sure there's some people.

There's there's a small group of people that are just fucking hateful assholes that are like, oh, can't I destroy this person's world in the.

Worst case scenario? Right? Hitler thought he was doing good right right, So I know he wasn't like, how can I hurt these people today? He was believing in the cause right right right, So to him, it wasn't bad. He wasn't twiddling his thumbs in an evil way. Though we know that now, I mean, we knew it. We kind of knew it. Then I could go down that ratherittle I won't.

Well, maybe it is all subconscious, regardless of who you are. Maybe it is all subconscious. We don't mean to I don't mean to hurt anybody. It happens. But again that goes back to is it is it something I did or is it just just your reaction?

Okay, so this is okay, I'll go down. This is fucking wild. So there's this theory that your subconscious doesn't exist. It's just a thing that we have said for a long time, that you have the subconscious that to almost absolve you from responsibility, and that what happens is if you will, you have a case. You have a plethora of Marvel characters in your head and the majority of them are really bad actors in your mind, and you learned you have a managing of traffic air on who

An abuser or a serial killer who says, well, they were hookers and that's why I was correct.

Right. If you're choosing, hey, I shouldn't kill anybody regardless of what they do, just because I don't agree with it, then then yeah, you would know that, Hey, that's not okay. What about the child molesters? Can we kill them? Yeah? Hot? Take No, I don't think you should kill the child molesters, they should go through due process and be handled that way, and then what happens in the jailhouse stays in the jailhouse.

Is that big stand, I think is what it was the movie with Rob Schneider, and there's like Rob's like he runs the prison now right. I think I've talked about this movie on this podcast before as a matter of fact, and it's like, all right, from here on out, there's no more rape. And it goes one of those big things like brings this kid down. He's like, what are you in here for? And he's like, I mean

Day for selling a little bit of weed? Right?

No? And then one of the other inmates is like, what about the child molesters?

Can we rape them? And he's like, the punishment fits the crime. I'm for it, Go for it. There's a comedian that tells I think I've said this on the air that he tells a funny thing about like we all are pretty lucky that we're not child molesters, because if you think about it, when I was little, I liked little girls m but I don't need more, but I still love grape juice. Yeah, it's fair. We all make our decisions. Now, was it your subconscious that said, no,

What is it is? What it is?

That's it hardly matters, right, Okay.

You'll figure it out matters because you just have to have faith in yourself that you raised someone who can find good character characteristics in people and bad ones, and she'll figure it out on her own.

That series of questions hardly will decide if they're worth being around, because you can pass all the tests. This is what I was kind of saying with your dad and his if they can't hold a conversation, you can pass all the tests and it's still end Exactly. I don't know about you. I think I'm a pretty good guy, and I've been in many relationships and they ended. Yeah.

Being brought into it as a young child and groomed by Hollywood producers.

But even then, it's luck. How many people How many people do you think let take their kids to be actors?

Right, I'm sure there's a lot of people that want that. They see their kid, you know, he's got some kind of talent, whether it's singing or acting, like, oh, you should hold my mom took me for.

Oh, Michael J.

Fox movie.

They were filming in Chicago, or doing auditions in Chicago, and we drove because they were looking for a nine year old girl with curly long hair, and I fit that mold. It was Life with Mikey was the name.

I was going to ask what the movie was. Yes, yes, would you take your kids to do that? Yeah? I would.

I mean, if it was some if they would.

Want to go, sure, sure, that's it. That's a fun way to word that. If there was something you knew is not good for them, would you encourage them to do it because they are expressing interest?

Yeah, I mean I let my kid play football. It's you know, not necessarily good for them, right.

So yes, I would.

However, I think I would make sure that I was there every step of the way.

So I could be involved. Until you know a movie that Ryan Roolds is on and he is like, hey, come talk to me over here, and then you not have eyes on your kid.

Or hang out on my trailer for a little bit. Right, so you the real Deadpool?

Yeah? What about you gimp?

Uh?

Well, them figured out on your own. That's the thing about life, man, You got to figure it out on your own. You gotta let them figure out on it. You can protect your kids or try to protect them until the fucking day is done, and then things are gonna happen regardless.

Yeah, you know what I mean.

And if they're expressing interest in this and they want to do it, go for it.

Have had it.

That will support you one hundred percent. I'll be there if it falls apart. Yeah, but you got to figure that on your own. I cannot. I cannot protect you all the time, right.

I just can't. It's impossible. Right. I don't disagree with that. That doesn't mean I'm knocking on too now. And I kind of have the attitude of if you wanted to sell drugs, would I let you? Okay, what's the answer.

No?

Why not? They're showing interest because it's illegal? Well, so what we just made an argument both of you did that they should be able to do whatever they want. I love them, do it well, then sell tic TACs Like, no, you don't know.

Now, you're changing what they want to do, right, right, you can't do that. If they want to sell drugs, let them do it.

They've got the question. No, they've got to figure it out.

They've got to figure it out that like, Okay, this is something you want to do, but there are also consequences that go with it, and you can't protect.

Them all the time.

So if they want to go and fucking sell drugs, then go fucking sell drugs.

Just know that if you get caught, you're fucked.

You're in jail, and I'll be there to bail you out, and I'll go to your court I'll go to your courtrooms with you.

But told them there's consequences.

Because they have to learn on their own. But it doesn't bailing them out show them that there's an out. Yeah, that you're enabling it.

Give them that one free pass like my parents told me. And if it's only had to been done one, I will bail you out of jail one time. After that, no more, my friend will do it. I'll bail you out of jail one time, and I would do it for either one of my kids. If all three of them got fucking all three of them got locked up at the same time, then shit, all right done, all three of you done used your card. But I did it once. I belgi out one time. The rest of that,

Yeah, I'm not far from what you're saying. Like I believe you've got to give your kids room to make mistakes, but I think I have a responsibility to try and keep you out of danger as best as possible, right, and sometimes that might mean you're not selling drugs, And I don't think you should be a child actor again.

But this goes back to you know, my daughter's dating a black guy.

You know, I don't want you dating that black guy. She'd go fucking do it anyway.

The more that you do anything that you push against them, they're going to do it anyway.

I just want to help clean you, help that clean that up of it. I don't think that's a fair comparison to like something that is illegal, like who you date that that is what it is, like that there is zero wrong there's a zero wrong person, right right right.

I'm just saying that, like, whatever they want to do, they're gonna do it anyway, regardless of what it is, whether it's dating somebody of another ethnicity, or whether it's selling drugs or selling feet picks on fucking only fans, They're gonna do.

It anyway, and there's nothing I can do about it. That is true. I I you and I agree on that one hundred percent. But when I signed up to be a parent, I took on the responsibility of trying to steer them away from those things.

And that is fantastic until they turn eighteen, and then they are they're their own people.

That's a different conversation with adults.

And maybe that's why I'm like looking at things differently than you can. Your perspective exactly. All my kids are all growing up. Every fucking one of them's eighteen and over.

They're all adults.

Yeah, And who's just saying they could still get fucked up later on down the road.

But listen, I did my part.

I did my part and did everything I could to make sure that these people grow up to be upstanding citizens. You know, now they're adults and there's nothing I can read about it.

I mean, I think that's a fun question too, is what is an upstanding citizen? Well, and and that's rhetorical that I think it's gonna be different for everybody. What is an ups Is it someone who goes to church every day? Is it someone who pays their taxes? Is it someone who? Are you a good person if you pay your taxes but also work in arms deals?

Yeah?

Right?

Do you pay the taxes on the arms deals? Yeah? Do you see what I'm saying? Like, what's the movie with Denzel Washington and he's the drug guy in New York? No, he's that's a police officer. Yeah, still drugs involved, drugs are involved, but with t I and uh, he's the boss and he goes up to that guy and shoots that guy in the other drug guy in the face.

Was it something brothers?

No? Anyway, in that movie, he's a good dude, but he's also not a good dude. So American gangster. Yeah that's what it is. Yeah. Yeah, he was a bad motherfucker in that movie, but a.

Good person too, exactly for for his community.

So he was a good person but got there a different story. That's what I'm saying. He provided turkeys for everybody and Thanksgiving. He took care of people in the neighborhood and they insulate. But you could argue he wasn't good dude because he made those moves to insulate himself, right, kind of like Dexter.

He was a serial killer, but he only killed bad people that.

Were He wasn't a good dude at all. No, Dexter's not a good dude at all, no way, shape or form he thought he was. He was that is a serial killer. They think they're doing good. These people, these people that killed prostitutes, they think they're doing God's work. That's what Dexter is doing. He thinks he's doing the work of justice without judge or jury. Right, fascinating all because you want to know who's got sickle cell. I may start doing that with my daughters when they're of age.

No?

Does he like green peppers? There you go, it's the hard hitting questions right there. Yeah, that's for me. I want to know the things you don't like because I can just roll you for it. Okra, He'll never have okra in this house.

Yeah, he eats meatless Fahida's dad. It's a little weird, but it's okay.

It's just onions and peppers. Fas kind of savas you mean, grilled peppers and onions, right, gross, show me your greeno without showing me your greeno.

I'm all for it, But give me the meat. But the goddamn steak chicken or you know, shrimping there mane. I love the combo.

Oh, that's the best way to do it. Yeah, it's salsa and sky took. They do shrimp chicken, shrimp chicken steak covered in caeso. Yeah. Love that place up there, man Oh, it's one of the best mess Mexicans in town.

I take a road trip up there on a bike just because, Yeah, I want to ride go up there, and then we hit uh, we hit up the biker bars on the way in.

It's it's easily the best. Yeah, I'm good with this statement. The best, if not one of the top ten Mexican restaurants in the metro. That's fair.

And that's not the only one of those. There's like two or three other ones, not the same. That's the fun thing, same name, same menu.

Yeah, because I've had El Tequila's and been to different ones, and I'm like, this isn't as good as another one I've been to. Yeah, Mexican food, That is all right. You guys have a fantastic week. Make sure you ask your kids who they're dating, get to know their life events, maybe with their life goal once you already see yourself in five years, right, yes, you guys, have a great week. Bye bye