You don't have a confidence problem, you have a courage problem.

self. I'm your host, Breanna may educator, CEO mindset and business mentor, and my mission is to teach the things we were never taught at school so that no dream is left on the pillow and no purpose left unfulfilled. Here, you can expect a lot of laughs and thought provoking conversations as we squeeze every drop of juice from this beautiful, precious, crazy thing called life. Hello and welcome back to another episode of the podcast. I am very excited to talk about

this topic. It is something that I am very passionate about, and I can rant and rave for a long time, but I'm not going to it's going to be a short and sharp one before we dive into this whole conversation around emotional resilience, emotional regulation, emotional fragility. I feel like as a society, we're maybe getting a little bit fragile. We're getting a little bit precious, and I think it's impacting our confidence on a

really big, big level. But before I dive into that little life update, what can I tell you? Well, I'm getting ready for the mind school. The mind School round three for this year starts in two days, two more sleeps, and I am so excited last night, my husband and I have booked Japan. I mean, not Japan. We did. We did book Japan, but we booked Bali as well. So we're tagging along for my mum and dad's romantic holiday, as we do last no this year, in April, my mum and dad were going to Bali.

I think they thought they would have a nice, romantic time, and me and my brother came along, and this time around, Paul and I are going so unlucky for mum and dad. We just fucking love their company. But booked Bali last night, which I'm very, very, very excited about. And we will be going there right after the mind school, so that I can recover, because it is a lot. It is a

lot. And I have to say, we ran the last one in Queensland, and I came home, you know, it's six days, it's teaching, it's on your feet, it's lots of emotional processing you're holding a lot as the facilitator and teacher, there is so much energy that you were holding. And so when I got home, I fucking was like, I need to sleep for three days. And then I thought, how on earth was I a full time teacher I I don't know, I don't know how I did it,

but I did do it. And actually, I've been having my own little moments thinking and reflecting about that. I feel like I was actually so much more productive when I was a full time teacher who was also building my business on the side, going to the gyms in the morning before work, getting all my marketing done on the weekends. It's something I spoke about, actually on my Instagram stories recently. I feel like when I have more on my plate, I'm more

productive. The more time I have, the more I faff about, and if this week we're looking at wins and challenges. That's something I've been reflecting on this week. The win is obviously that we've booked Bali, and the challenge is exactly that I've had this epiphany, this epiphany where I'm like, I created a life of freedom, and I've built that.

It's amazing. It's incredible. I realize this is a first world problem, but I've built so much freedom that I'm actually now missing routine and structure, and it's something that's so obvious. We need both obviously, right? We need both. But when you've got a job, you've got someone telling you where to be and what to do. I didn't get to

think about it. I didn't have as much decision fatigue, whereas now I found I've been waking up and it's like, Hmm, should I go to the gym today, or should I do Pilates? Should I walk Simba or do that at the Savo should I go to the office or work at home? Should I work at a cafe or go to the office? And everything is so free, and that's amazing, but boy, does it come with it owns its own challenges, and when you add a little bit of spicy brain to that. It actually hasn't,

it's been a challenge. So my win, little for my life. Update, that's my win. My win is that I'm going to Bali at the end of this month, and I'm going to Japan as well, with a big group of friends. And I'm so excited. I haven't been to the snow since I went with a bunch of girlfriends. We did America in like, Oh, gosh. I don't even want to talk about how long ago it was. We were little youngies,

little freshies. We were in Colorado for Christmas and Miami for New Year's, and that was the last time I think I've been in the snow. So very excited to learn to snowboard. Let's see how that goes. Very excited to go gatecrats. Mum and dad's romantic holiday, and do that with Paul and, you know, maybe, maybe make a Bali baby. Maybe make a little Cooter. For those of you who've been to Bali, you'll be like, Oh, you're staying in CUDA. Listen, it's

actually great. It's really quiet now because not so many people go there. It's so close to the airport, so you can just pop in for a week, not have to drive far, not get stuck in traffic. Hotels are really, really cheap. We're staying at this beautiful, five star resort, and it was like, pretty well priced, because everyone goes, Oh, Kuda. I'm just going to say it, I love it. And so that's my win. Going to CUDA. Maybe going to make a little CUDA baby, might call it CUDA.

Absolutely will not do that. That would never happen anyway. That's my little update. Let's get into this episode now. As you can tell from the episode title, it's all about confidence. And I've said, Is it a confidence problem, or is it an emotional resilience problem?

So every single time I read through one on one applications, or I read through mind school enrolment forms, or my level up forms, one of the key pillars, one of the things that almost everybody says to me is I'm just lacking the confidence to do the thing. I just need a little bit more confidence. If I was more confidence, I would do the thing. It might be, leave the nine to five and start a

business. It might be I would actually go all in in my coaching business, instead of playing half assed it might be that I would actually invest in myself and show up after that investment. It might be I'd have the confidence to draw boundaries with my family. It might be I wish I had the confidence to start my own podcast or run retreats. I hear it all the time, right? Confidence. Confidence, confidence. And so let's talk

about it. I actually Googled. I was like, Google give me a definition of confidence, and it said the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something. So if we're thinking about confidence within ourselves, it is the feeling or belief that you can have faith in yourself, or that

you can rely on yourself. So when you bring to your mind the person that you think about, when you visualize the kind of confidence you want to embody, there's probably and even thinking about now as I speak, think about that thing that you are currently lacking confidence in and who it is that really embodies that thing where you're like, God, if only I had that level of confidence, I would be

insane. I'd be smashing it. If only I could walk into a room like she does, if only I could speak like she does, if only I could teach like she does, if only I could sell like she does. Whatever your thing is, what is the specific area where you are telling yourself the story that you're lacking confidence, and who is a person that you look up to or admire or wish that you could embody their results, their actions, their behaviors. Who is the person that makes that thing look easy? Who is it?

Here's the spoiler alert, that person makes the thing look easy because they repetitively did it when it was hard, you make things look easy by continuing to do things when they're hard. You make things look effortless when you continue to do things that require a lot of effort, you make things look natural when you continue to do things that feel unnatural. You make things look flowy. When you continue to do things that feel clunky, you get what I'm saying right. Confidence is an end

result. It is the byproduct of a process, and the process is hard. Confidence creates ease, but ease comes from doing things that are hard. And my concern for society at large, at the moment, is that we don't like to and humans don't like to do things that are hard. We don't want to be uncomfortable, we don't want to feel awkward, we don't want to be exposed. We don't want to be vulnerable. We want ease, and we want the path of less resistance. But we also all want confidence, and that is

a conundrum. That is a conundrum that doesn't work. If you want confidence, you also need to value and place high importance on the feeling of discomfort. So my invitation to anyone who feels like there is a confidence problem is to trade the word confidence with courage. You don't have a confidence problem. You have a courage problem. What do I mean by this? In order to create the end result, the end product, which is to feel confident, to be able to trust yourself, to be able to believe

you can handle it. You need to first follow a process, and that process requires you to do things that at first, feel really scary at first, feel really vulnerable at first, feel really challenging at first, feel overwhelming at first, feel way outside. Your Comfort Zone, for you to be able to do it anyway when fear is present requires levels of courage. And courage is that you move despite fear. You move despite discomfort. You move

anyway. But we don't do that if we don't have high levels of emotional resilience, if we can't regulate ourselves, and if we can't move with fear present and because we don't like to feel afraid, it's a scary concept, we typically avoid things. We avoid the things that make us uncomfortable. We avoid the things that we're afraid of. We avoid the things that require courage from us because it is so

uncomfortable. But the things that we avoid, then become even more of a of a fester point of our insecurity, because if we don't face these things head on, we don't build the evidence that we can rely on ourselves, that we can have faith that we can do hard things so the things that we avoid because we're trying to protect ourselves, they actually end up being the things that destroy us in the long run. It's

such a conundrum. It's like, if you avoid this thing any longer, it's going to create more insecurity, and that insecurity is going to be have far wider reaching impacts, then a little bit of discomfort that you would feel if you just tried the thing, because not trying the thing leaves you stuck in the

same place. And when you're stuck in the same place, and you're not happy, and you're looking at all these people that, quote, have all this confidence, and then you're thinking that you're less than them. It perpetuates this negative identity. It perpetuates, well, I can't do that because I'm not confident. I'm not do that. I can't do that because I don't have the results. To show or prove that I

can. But actually, the people who do have the results are just the ones that did it when they were scared, that did it when they were nervous, that did it when it felt out of reach, that did it when it felt clunky, that did it when it felt awkward, and they built the resilience and the confidence to know I can do hard things even though I'm afraid. And so it's never a confidence problem. It's a

courage problem. And if we don't have emotional resilience, we can't move just by fear, therefore we can't be courageous. If I had to choose one word to describe my experience of mind, skill, it is limitless acceptance, life changing, enlightening, transformational, grounded, immense gratitude, soulful connection, truly amazing, freeing, soul, purpose, fulfilling, grateful, absolute deliciousness, empowering and liberating, transformational for all generations. Fucking

awesome. You. So your confidence increases in a complete correlation with how courageous you're being. But you can't be courageous if you don't have emotional resilience. And emotional resilience is born from having an evidence log full of things that you've done that were hard and challenging, but you did them anyway, full of things that you did and failed but got up again and again. I think I've spoken about this

before in the podcast. I get ranty and Ravy because I see so many beautiful opportunities for little ones, and, you know, in schools and in society at large, because everyone is so emotionally sensitive, we're actually creating this race to the bottom, where to protect people from feeling bad feelings, we take away all opportunities for them to feel them, which then decreases emotional resilience, and in the long term, decreases that confidence that we need to be able to go for life. So how do

you become confident? You do hard things even though you're afraid. You do hard things even though you feel like shitting yourself. You buy a nappy and you just embrace it. But you can't do that if you have low emotional resilience, because you've never been taught that you can move with fear. How did I become confident teaching? Let

me tell you something. I have been a teacher now for nine years, and that was five years in the education system, four years teaching inside of my business, running different retreats, running programs, running certifications. I've been a teacher for a long time, right? It might surprise you to know that just last month, when I was running the mind School for the second time in Queensland. I was so fucking nervous the night before that. I

was a mess. I had to do Reiki. I had to do breathing I cursed myself for fucking always doing this, always pushing myself. I was like, Why do I do this? I'm a mess. I feel so nervous. I feel so sick. Why am I doing this to myself? And that's after nine years, nine years, and yes, I show up and I fucking nail it because I fucking love teaching. It doesn't mean it comes without nerves, because I care about

this so much. It comes with fear because I worry and I care, and I'm a human that has a passion and a mission and that matters. To me. So of course, I'm going to feel all types of feelings when it's come to fruition. And there's all these students in front of me, and they've flown from different states to be there. Of course I get nervous, but I have so much evidence in my evidence log that nerves don't matter, that fear doesn't matter. It doesn't impact my

ability to show up. I have built almost a decade of evidence that proves I can be nervous and still teach an incredible lesson. I can be nervous and still I can show up and have students come to me with insane light bulb moments. I can be nervous, and I have years of evidence that shows me the nerves go away after the first 10 minutes. And so now I would say, when it comes to teaching, my confidence is pretty fucking

high. I believe I'm an incredible teacher, not because I started as an incredible teacher when I finished my teaching, prac, well, actually, in the middle of my teaching, prac, I remember, it was one of those lessons where you go in and you've got your mentor sitting at the back of the room, and they're basically writing notes to give you feedback. I had beautiful mentors. Mind you, I had a beautiful class. They were amazing. And in my prac, this was in the first or second

one. I can't remember. I literally left halfway through my lesson, and I had to make my mentor take over. I made up some excuse about period pain or some shit, I don't know. I made up some lame excuse, and I walked out, and I was like, the pressure is too much. Uni was getting on top of me. There was 30 students looking at me. I didn't actually know the content very well. I had marking to do, planning to do all the things. I was so overwhelmed, and I just couldn't see out the end of that

lesson. So I left, I went home, and I got the fuck back in that classroom the next day, and I showed up and I did it. And people will say, How did you become such a great teacher? This is something I get told all the time after every time I've run a program or a course, they're like, fucking hell, you're such an incredible teacher. How are you so confident? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, let me tell you, confidence has not come naturally, because there's

no such fucking thing. The natural thing is to do it afraid and keep doing it until all of a sudden it actually starts to feel quite natural. It starts to feel quite flowy. And look, I'm teaching the mind school again in two days, I'm not actually nervous. I'm nothing but excited. This time round, I'm sure I'll feel a bit nervous.

Ask me the night before, ask me the morning of but it gets easier and easier every time, not because it's just easy and I'm just a confident person, but because I'm someone that can move despite fear, because I'm someone who values courage over confidence. If you value yourself being and showing up as a courageous person, and remember, you can't be courageous without fear present, because then it wouldn't be

courage. Courage requires fear, and so if you start to value yourself as someone who is fucking courageous, you will be astounded by how much your confidence increases, and then you won't find yourself saying things like, when I'm more confident, then I'll do the thing, because you'll know that when you do the thing, you'll become more confident. See how it's completely flipped. See how it's completely turned around.

We live in a society I think that has this idea that if you're a confident person, it just comes naturally to you. If you're confident, you're outgoing, if you're confident, you can walk into a room and own it. If you're confident, la, la, la, la, la, la, that's bullshit. Confidence is an internal state that is a byproduct of being a

courageous person. And like I said, I'm concerned that we take away opportunities, not just for little ones in schools and at homes, for ourselves, whenever we rob ourselves of an opportunity to prove to ourselves that I can do it even though I'm shaking, I can do it even though I feel clunky, I can do it even though I feel

awkward. If we rob ourselves of those opportunities, and we stay comfortable, then we end up robbing ourselves of opportunities to see our potential and robbing ourselves to see results that create our confidence. Confidence comes from trusting ourselves. Confidence comes from the ability to rely on ourselves, relying on ourselves when we're scared, relying on ourselves to show up because we have the emotional resilience to handle it. Resilience is just the ability to get back up when

things are hard. Resilience is just the ability to say, this feels shit, and I can do it. Resilience is the ability to say, Well, that was really hard, but I can overcome adversity. I've done it before, and I'll do it again. That creates confidence. It's emotional resilience that creates confidence. It's not confidence in and of itself. Confidence is a byproduct. So we need to stop saying when I'm more confident, or if I had more confidence, no replace the word for courage when I'm more.

Courageous, I will be a comfort. I will be more confident. When I more courageous, I will have more evidence that I can trust myself. When I more courageous, I will have more evidence that I can rely on myself. But every time we bow out and we choose comfort, we actually put our

confidence into the ground. We drive it further and further down, and we actually perpetuate our insecurities, which is, like I said, a spiral to the bottom, because we don't create new evidence for ourselves, and we don't become emotionally resilient humans, people who get incredible results, people who you would possibly say are just confident, and that's why they're slaying it, whatever.

They're just the ones that are extremely emotionally resilient, and they do things when they're shaking, and they do things even though they're afraid. They do things as a courageous person. So to wrap up my ranty ranty rave today, I would invite you to replace the word confidence with courage. I read again and again and again, if I had more confidence, I would do the thing, and I would say back, if you had more courage, you would

do the thing. But you can't be courageous if you don't do things when they're scary.

And so this is an emotional resilience and emotional intelligence and emotional regulation thing, which is why I rant and rave and rant and rave and rant and rave, because we know now all the studies prove the more emotionally intelligent we are as a society, the better quality our relationships, the more chance we have of career satisfaction, the more incredible our sex, our concentration, our focus, The more meaningful relationships we have, and the more emotional

resilient we become. Ultimately, the byproduct is confidence, and that is, you can trust yourself, you can rely on yourself, and ultimately, you can self actualize. And that is, you can actually create what is on your heart. And that's what this podcast is about. That's what I want for the world. I want everyone to know that they've got already within them what they what it takes to create the reality that you dream of, the thing that you dream of, whatever it is you can do it.

It's never an issue of resources. It's resourcefulness. And you have all resources within you. You have courageous you have a reservoir of courage within you for the right reasons. You are so courageous. I was only just speaking to a mum. She shared something at a training that I did about how when a mangy Ravy, crazy like really savage dog, came at her, and she had her little boys with her, she just got in front of these huge dogs and got real big and yelled. And of course, she

was scared. But if you come between a mama and her cubs, courage is like fucking limitless, right? And I know any mum will say that they would put themselves in front of a bullet for their kids. They'll put themselves in front of a gun for their kids, because that's the level of courage and love, that's the meaning of things.

But if we can really understand that the things that you're dreaming of, the things you visualize of that life that you really want, it requires levels of courage, and that should be enough for you to move despite fear. If your kids are enough for you to move despite fear, what about if your dreams were enough for you to move despite fear? Because

that's what's on the line. That really is what's on the line, your dreams and the thing you came here for, the thing that's on your heart, it's there for a reason. I truly, truly, truly believe everyone has something on their heart, a Dharma, a unique reason for being here, and if we all follow that purpose, despite the challenges that we need to face to get there, despite the things we're going to have to learn to become more resilient, to become

stronger. We're all going to get there, but it's going to take discomfort. It's going to take new levels of finding out our potential, and that requires emotional resilience, and that requires courage. But that's what is on the line. Our dreams are on the line, and surely that's enough to make it all worth it. We don't want to be those people that I read about. If you've heard me rave about this book, it's my favorite book that I recommend to absolutely everyone. Top Five Regrets of

the Dying. You don't want to be someone who's on your death bed with regrets, so be someone who values courage. That's the cost. The cost is your confidence. The cost is your dreams. Not being courageous comes with a big price tag, being scared a little bit has insane rewards for you to reap. So that's my rant. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, if you took something from it, if it resonated, if you're feeling fired up, let me know. Please share this on your stories. I would love, love,

love to see it. It helps me to grow this bad boy tag me. I would love, love, love to see it. I'll see you back here next week. Bye. Thank you for tuning in to the mind school podcast. It is a massive intention of mine to continue to grow this show, because the more the show grows, the better the guests get. And I know that is going to be so powerful for you

listening. So I. If I could ask this massive favor, it would mean the world if you could please leave a review, hit the Follow button, or leave a rating on Spotify, so that we can continue to grow this show and bring you the juiciest, most thought provoking and expansive conversations through incredible guests. Thank you so much for tuning in. I'll see you next week. You.