✅ You can be BOTH. Why putting yourself in a box is the enemy of growth 📦

week ahead. And I'm like, oh, people, I remember a couple of my friends got married literally, like, within the last six months. And they were saying, like, you don't realise it's not just about the day, it's a whole lead up, like you practising vows. And you're really reflecting on your relationship, and you're hanging out with your friends, because you're doing celebrations with your mates, and you just feel so filled with love. That's literally me today. So I feel like I could cry.

And I've just been waiting for Paul to get off night shift. So we can go have a coffee, haven't even had a coffee yet. And I was cleaning the house and practising my speech and listening to the songs that we're going to dance to and walk down the aisle to and I was like, Oh my gosh, but pondering, pondering, pondering, cleaning the house and just having a real thing. And I wanted to actually record a podcast. And it's something that has been on my

mind all week. And it was actually let me give you the context. Let me give you the context. So I, one of my best mates is studying Psych. She's nearly about to finish Actually, she's in her last few units of psychology. And she's doing all these neuroscience units at the moment, which she knows how much I love. So we've just been deep in like 10 minute voice messages back and forth, back and forth.

And we've been having a conversation and a lot of the time she'll say to me, like, what's your what do you think like, what do you think about this? I don't know if I agree with this. What do you think like, This doesn't feel right, this doesn't feel like it's going to help people blah, blah, blah. And it's just a really interesting conversation. And so what came up was that she was saying she had to prepare, she had to prepare for this exam

that's coming up. And essentially what she needs to do is memorise all the different symptoms of this like Handbook of diagnoses, so that she can a regurgitate and memorise, memorise and regurgitate which you know, the Gold Class in education, let me let me not get into that. So I'm not gonna I'm not gonna rant, but anyway, memorise all of these symptoms, and then know what they are so that you can label someone and diagnose someone. And then to go

one further. It was labels and diagnoses and words such as depressive, like major depressive disorder. And I was saying to her, interesting, I look this is not like this is absolutely not, there is so much valid validity in all of this, I'm, I actually have so much respect for the whole industry, I love this area of work. I think mental health so important, I believe it's a truth. Like it's a thing, that that's not what the conversation

was about. The conversation was about the power of words, and the power of language and the power that we give to identities that then become self fulfilling prophecies. And what I was saying, to my mind is like, that's really interesting, because from where I see it, I know the power of language and the power of words. I also know what happens to our behaviours and our actions and the results in our life when we have a

particular identity. And we it because we've been having this conversation, she sort of said to me, I don't know if it's helpful to and more context of this at the more in the moment that she told me all this, I had recently been given some very, like, startling, confronting, and could be scary language from some doctors and specialists. Like, I'm gonna give context, and I am okay, I'm absolutely okay. And I'm going to be okay. And I just refuse to accept a lot of the language and I choose

my own language. And I believe it's important we do that. But I, just before this conversation with her doctors had rang me, rang me just before Christmas, just before the Christmas break, this was and the words and the language choice was, and these are just a few of the words on a phone call, might I add while I was just in the middle of the shops, high grade, urgent, risk, pre cancer and a problem with like another with my ovaries essentially. And so I was like,

whoa, hold on a sec. I'm standing in the middle of the shops, and I've just heard pre cancer, urgent, stage three, like all these big words, and I did my own research. And I was like, and again, I'm not a doctor, I'm not, you know, I'm sure that they there's reasons they have to use this language, which, you know, is silly because there could be better words Most of the time, these stage three cells do not turn

into the C word. And what happens when somebody grabs on to this language, what happens and this is might add the conversation I was having with my girlfriend, both of us, both of us have been diagnosed with a DD or ADHD. And we were talking about that. And we're talking about how, from a cluster of symptoms, we were given a diagnosis. And then what was really interesting was that we sort of like, started to see evidence of those behaviours, and then almost bond over it

together. And then like, this is a friend that I went to Thailand with. So we've had a lot of conversations over the last few weeks about this. And then we sort of started to say, Hey, this is a danger. Now we're bonding over something. And we don't like I was pointing out, I don't actually want this to be my identity. I don't think it's a problem. A lot of people have actually reached out to me, because I'm very open. Like, I'm very open about all of it. And

I'm just learning. I'm just really trying to figure out like, I'm just philosophising. If that's a word, I'm deep in the philosophy of it, and I'm just observing and trying to say, Is this helpful? And so I share things, but people, a lot of people since I shared my diagnosis, diagnosis, sorry, a lot of people have reached out, and they're like, I think I need to get tested for ADHD, what have you found you medicated

lalalalala. And it's like, we're really quick to cling to, and this is just human behaviour, there's nothing wrong, we're all perfect, like, it's fine. But human behaviour, is to try to understand ourselves, and to be able to put ourselves in a box, which then allows us to exist in society, to find the right tribes to connect to bond with people to belong. And that's what we're, you know, that's literally in our evolution, we need to belong, otherwise, why

cast out and we die. That's literally how it's become this way. we're social creatures. So we need to belong. And so sometimes, having labels and having things in common, and then being able to identify with something outside of ourselves, makes us feel understood, and then can make us feel like we belong. And we were just discussing this. And it's led me to a lot of really deep thoughts recently, because I actually, I grew up being told that I was a

walking contradiction. I'm always I've been told this from, and I actually love it. Like, I actually love it. And for quite a long time, I'd be like, God, but how do I, how do I make this work? Like, how can I be all these things? How can I be both like, you know, to give you an example of all these contradictions, is like, I thought, My mom used to say bless her, and I kind of agree with her. For someone so smart, you can be so dumb, like for

someone so book smart. And for someone so intelligent, you do the most ridiculously stupid things. You know, like putting pizza in the oven with the plastic on and god knows what else like there's a whole list of things that I can do like, I am an intellect and I love learning. And again, I'm already noticing as I say this, I'm conscious of identifying too hard with an I am statement, because I'm all of it. But you get the gist. I can be an intellect. I love studying. I

love learning. I love it. And I'm a bit of a dumb blonde, right? Same thing goes I can be really articulate. I can be very sophisticated and articulate. And I'm a bit of a bogan at heart and a lot of my friends will say like far out you're such Bogan, like so crass, you're so rude. Like he's so rough, rough around the edges, or as my pot would say, refers hash and Andy's rough, like I love a bit of politically incorrect and like dry humour. So there's those, there's just

all these contradictions. I'm sensitive as far as like I'm sensitive. And you know, I could latch on to I'm a Pisces, I'm a Pisces, so I'm sensitive. I'm a Pisces, so I'm sensitive. But also I've got this really crazy ability to be able to hold space for people's emotions, and not actually let it impact me and to compartmentalise and to be able to hold multiple emotions at once, like all the time. And so the point of this is, I actually believe, and I'm really just processing this as I speak out

loud. So I hope it makes sense. I believe we need to be very, very, very aware and conscious of the labels we put on ourselves. I was talking to the level up girls about this last week. And just as some examples how many people and that so many people raise their hand and this

is normal and I do it too. Of course we're all going to identify in some way as something that's how we exist that's how we know that we're a a human be a female like not, I don't know I'm not the lizard that I just passed on my bike that's not me. I'm that's how we get I from from ego statements, which is very much about who we

believe we are. And so I think there's something that needs to be said for how we identify it in ways where it gets unhealthy in ways where we over identify, which can mean we put ourselves in a box, and we give our power away. And some examples of this that I was just playing with last week on the level up call was like, Okay, well, who who identifies as a procrastinator? Who does that? Who says I'm such a procrastinator, and lots of hands go up. And as you're listening, you might be like,

oh, shit called out. And that's not like, I'm not calling, I'm just bringing awareness to it, right? So who would say like, I'm a procrastinator, or I'm a morning person. I've said that for the last 10 years to the point where I literally cannot sleep in, like, if I've slept to 630, I'm like, Whoa, I am wild.

Like, and because I've said that to myself, for so long, it's actually become true, like, whereas if I looked for evidence to disprove that I used to be and it was probably more in my uni days, I could sleep till God knows when, and then, you know, uni, go get markers and come back to bed. And there's so many examples just on a day to day basis. And, you know, it's just, this is really about bringing our awareness to where we identify where we over identify, and the, the cautions I want you

to take and why. Because what happens is when we fully identify as something, we can limit ourselves way too much to ever see. And actually, there is some room for improvement here. It's like we become blind, we become way too egotistical. Because like, no, no, I'm already that, like, I am such a healthy person. And if you identify with it so much, you won't see that actually sometimes like, and I can give you like full on. This was me probably eight years ago, or so.

I was like, overly identifying with, like, health freak mentality. And I had to be, because I consciously and this is something that I didn't realise I was doing until like, I've now got the language for it. And I've studied so much about mindset. And you know, the way the brain works, and all of this, now I understand what I've done. But I've consciously recreated myself so many times.

And what that has meant way back when it meant going from a bit of a party animal to like, I wanted to be healthy, I wanted to feel good, I wanted to be fit, I wanted to be able to wear the like the crop top I had. And that probably was from one point at one point born from insecurity. But because I needed to consciously recreate myself, I really started to identify with the identity of a health freak, to the point where I was trained. And I actually loved it, like I fucking loved it, I

still do. But I can see now that I was over identified, and I was so wrapped up in this health identity that I was, you know, measuring all my food. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that either, because it's actually very empowering when done, you know, the right way. But measuring my food, learning about food, every book I read was about, you know, sugar, or cholesterol or healthy fats, or new diets, or paleo or this or that, and I love learning about

training. And I was always trying to get heavier lifts and do a X amount of steps per day and watch this and watch my ketone levels and like take it was it was a lot, and I loved it. But because I was so swept up in I'm just a healthy person, I was not able to see that some of the behaviours were a little bit unhealthy. When doctors told me Brianna, you actually like we understand I was told by specialists like we understand that you love it, we understand

that you just love training. And this is how you enjoy eating. But we're telling you, you actually need to put on a bit of fat if you want your periods to return. And I was not able to hear it because I was like, oh my god like this is and I just used it to reaffirm my own biases, because it was too concerning to look at where it could be true. Because my identity was so strong, I wasn't able to hear what was actually

needed to be heard. And I believed that these doctors just didn't really understand health. You know, at the time, I was like how ridiculous for them to say I need to put on fat like That's so silly. I just go to the gym lots and I eat really healthy and I eat clean like how could you possibly say that's

unhealthy? And that's where I have I have to point out that sometimes when we over identify and we cling to something yes it's great in recreating an identity but we need to be conscious of where we clean too hard and where we can't see our blind spots where we can't hear what people are saying with an open mind because we get defensive we get reactive we'll start to get catty will not listen and we won't ever be given a room like opportunity to grow opportunity to improve.

That's from overidentification. Quickly interrupting this episode to let you know that my new course Queen confidence is currently open and if you are loving the content of this episode, you are going to love what is inside Queen confidence.

Inside this course I am teaching you the deep, deep deep understanding of the human psyche and behaviour and you will be able to start to see your own blind spots so that you can improve and acquire the skill set to be able to command a room to lead to impact influence and to become the real creator of your life with the intention of attractive energy and not chase energy. This

course is my new baby. And I'm so excited because as the first time I am running this course it is a fraction of the full price. So you can still join Queen confidence the link is in the shownotes. DM, if you have any questions and now back to the

episode. The other thing that can happen when we over identify with something is that we limit our our like our opportunity for growth, like I just said, like if we believe for example, I can't tell you how many times how many times especially, you know, in level up, I hear the

limitations all day long. And that's the first thing I say on the first call if you want to, if you want to argue to keep your limitations all but I can't do that because I've got ADHD, or I can't do that, because I've got kids, I can't do that. Because this, I can't do that. Because I'm not creative, I can't lalala there's a sign that you have become really attached to an identity, and that maybe just maybe just sit with this, maybe, actually, there's a limitation there. And we've

given our power away. And so like I said, my friend and I were both, like laughing about how we both got diagnosed with ADHD. And it can be very, very tempting to be like, Oh, bloody hell, like we were picking ourselves up on it. Like if you know, I would be halfway in conversation and then get distracted and be like, oh, and then be like, Oops, sorry, ADHD brain. And it's like, well, hold on. No, no, that's actually just I got distracted, which is

completely normal. Considering I just saw a puppy that walked, like, literally saw a puppy, of course, I got distracted, like you and that can show up like, and this is why when people do reach out to me my DMs and want to ask lots of questions, I can only give my I can only give obviously my experience, but I have chosen not to identify too much with any of the things can I see some of the behaviours would like be similar to those

symptoms. Yes, I get hyper focused, like hyper focus to the point where it's, I have to, like literally have someone come and tell me to stop work because I love like when I'm in flow, when I'm writing, but again, I don't choose to make that such a, I don't choose to make it a problem. I choose to put things in place that can help me put you know, know when to take risks. I schedule my days so that my hyper focus and again, I'm I'm actually I believe that hyper focus on flow is a

beautiful thing. And I'm never going to make it wrong. And I'm never going to over identify with like, Oh, I get really scattered and I can't remember to do things and you know, and blah, blah, blah, and then create excuses and limitations for myself. I've never wanted to do that. Because I've been aware for a very long time that actually I am contradictory, but we all are. We all are like I am this and that I am like really scattered sometimes and I can be really really really bloody

organised. Like I used to have this story that like I'm not organised, you would have heard me if you'd listen to last week's podcast episode with my mate Laura. Like I had this story that I don't like spreadsheets. I don't like

planning. I don't like organisation and I latched on to that and it came with me into my business and impacted my business like it impacted my business because of this story that I latched on to that really if I wanted to look for the opposite the contrary, if I wanted to contradict myself, which I try to do all the time. It's like Am I really unorganised? Am I really and my mom actually said to me very recently planning this wedding mom was like far out. You're just, you're just so organised.

I'm so like, impressed by how well you organise 1000 things. And I was like, That's so interesting. I had a story that I wasn't organised. But then if I look for evidence that actually I can be a really organised person, of course, I can be both I can be a bit of a mess, and I can be very

organised. Like I was a teacher, any teachers listening, anyone who's teachers literally have to be so on top of everything because you are teaching 200 students every day, you've got five different classes, you've got a duty to get to, you've got your students coming here for this. You've got your parents, you've got documents that need to be done, you've got mail, meetings, interviews, all the things you've got, like copy copy, bloody what's it called?

Copying, copying photocopy, you got photocopying to do for different classes, and you got to differentiate and you've got to make sure that you've got something to expand these kids and to break it down. What like you've got to be an organisational wizard. And so I had this story which was very weird. I don't know where it came from that I will not organise. I don't like spreadsheets. I don't like

planning. And that's just BS. But if I if I lean into and over identify with a trait with a personality with a Korea with anything, I actually limit myself I don't give myself room to grow and I put myself in a box. I put myself in a box. And another thing that can you know happen when you put yourself In a box and attached to identities too much is that you make yourself wrong. You make

yourself wrong for things. Like for me, like, for example, and this is just an example off the top of my head, but like I've always been, quote, a people person. I've always been, quote extroverted, I've always loved being in rooms with lots of people, blah, blah, blah, what if I don't want to go to the party one day? What if I actually need some time to rest? Like, what if I'm, again, like a health, I'm health conscious, I'm very, very aware of, you know, what's good for my body

and what's not? What happens if I do want to go out for beers and burgers, like, which is, okay, we make ourselves wrong, and we go into these guilt cycles, and we start to bash ourselves up. And then we actually perpetuate sort of traits and behaviours that are not helpful. Because in the first place, we just over identified with something. And I think that's where we've got to be conscious of things like and you know, I straight up you guys know, I study human design.

There's a reason that halfway through the study, I stopped, and I actually was like, Okay, I'm not bringing this into my clients world, yet. I'm using it to sort of see what lands for myself. But I can see the harm in over identity, or because I'm a manager, and I have to be like lalalala, or because of this, because of the six in my

profile, I lalalala. Same thing with astrology, because of this lalalala because of this, blah, if I am what I've noticed, and this is where I was sort of starting to really like put it all together, if I have consciously recreated myself many, many times from being a party animal to really, really healthy from being a teacher to a business owner. What that means is, it is possible to completely recreate your identity and to stop over

identifying. And what I've found is that there is so much freedom, there's so much freedom in allowing yourself to be all of it. Because the truth is, we are all all of it, you might have a story, you might have a story, that you're not emotional, that you're not a people person that you're, I don't know, not honest, that you're not a liar, like, whatever it is, we are all all of it, some of us have more

expressed versions of it. And some of us repress it a little more, but we can be all of it if we are aware to our limitations. And if we really are honest with ourselves about how we show up and what we what we claim to be and tried to be in in this world. And there's so many benefits from allowing yourself to be all of it, and from allowing yourself just to take a bit of distance. And to really

look at your identity. There's so many benefits, like it's so interesting, one of my friends said to me, again, Laura, from last week, she says to me, like because she has been meeting so many of my different friends over the last few years, and she goes, you really do have so many different kinds of groups of friends like, and I've my mum always laughed at this, like, if you put all my mates in a room, you'd be like, What the hell, like, how, like, I don't get it,

like so many different types of personalities, so many backgrounds, so many different, like so many. And it's because I identify with all of them. Like, I can connect with all of it. Like I don't limit myself to like, I only hang with these people, because I am all of it.

And that means you can have more friends, you can have more connections, you can learn more about yourself, because you're open minded, it means that you can recreate yourself, it means that you don't have limitations anymore, of course, and I'm gonna say this, of course, there are parts of us that just feel more natural. Like for example, yeah, I resonated so hard with a lot of the stuff I learned about myself in in human design. And so I use it to my advantage, but

never to limit myself. I never go if I ever hear in my mind or not. I can't cause many gen stuff. Like I can't cause ADHD. I'm like, wait, wait, wait, hold on, I can it might take a little bit more effort, it might be a little bit more difficult. And this was a really cool conversation I was having with my girlfriend this week. She's She's studying neuroscience. And we were having this

conversation. And she actually said to me, this is everything that you said has just been backed in this lecture because we can recreate anything. Some parts of us are going to take a lot more work. Some of us is going to take a lot more conscious effort, but it's never impossible. And I was like Yes, amen. Like Amen. And so, this is an invitation to ask yourself, Who am I showing up? Like who am I in this world? And how am I over identifying and creating

limitations? How am I putting myself in a box which then makes me feel like I'm sometimes misunderstood? You know, like that used to be one of mine like I was like how God I must be such because I'm so contradictory. How confusing for people like how confusing to be able to be all of it but it's actually not like that. Actually not confusing, because most people realise that they're contradictory person as well, like, uh, but I hear it all the time. Like, I hear it all the

time. Actually, I resonate with this so much because we are all of it. And I think there's freedom from really looking at it with a magnifying glass and just asking the question of like, am I limiting myself with my identity? And then one step further, which is in my courses, but like, Who do I need to become in order to create what it is that like, you know, this is all what's in level up, but like, what identity do I need to establish? What limitations do I

need to remove? Who do I need to become in order to have these big desires and goals and visions that I have for my life, you know, so this is just where my brain was this morning as I was cleaning my house. And I thought I would share it because it's been really helpful for me to just ditch digital labels, to ditch the boxes to break the boxes to consciously try to break the boxes to see where

I've put myself in a box. It helps me a lot with clients to be able to reflect to them where I can see they've put themselves in a box. And it will sound like language, like you know, are you know me, you know, me, I move at snail's pace, you know, me, I'm always doing this, you know, me, I don't feel emotions, like La la la. And I'm always like,

bullshit, bullshit bullshit. In the most loving way, let's look into that, let's really look into that and see if there's truth or see if it's just a story, a narrative and something that we have, because what we will do, if we believe it, we'll find more evidence to support it. And then we can never

actually change and grow. So look for where you've given your power away, look for where you've given your power away, look for where you're making yourself, you know, I mean, it all means that like, it's just because of this is because of this, it's because of this, let's see if we can break the box and be all of it. And the beautiful part of this is that when you're able to see others in all of it, you're not so

judgmental. Either you lose your judgement, because you're like, oh, I can see why I should do that. I could do that in that situation. Like, if I was her, I'd do that. Like it really can change everything, everything. So I want to leave you with that. How do I over identify? How do I create limitations? Where do I give my power away to some external force? And if I wanted to recreate myself, what would I let go off? What would I let go of. And so I'm going to

just leave you with that. But before I go, I just want to let you know, this stuff and a whole lot more and actually understanding like how the human brain filters and creates meaning from the world and has created your own identity and how to recreate your identity and how to understand human behaviour on a deep, deep, deep, deep level so that you can show up with confidence without putting yourself in a box, just knowing that you can be all of it and you can recreate and it's

all beautiful, and you can show up and command a room. Like all of this stuff is going to be inside of Queen confidence. Queen confidence is my new course. And I already know this is going to be big, this is going to be like this is going to be a new signature course of mine similar to level up, it's going to be one of my go twos, my favourites. And I am like

just complete transparency. As this is the first time I'm launching it, it is a price that it will never be again, it's an investment that you will never be again because I want feedback. I love to learn, I love to reflect and see how I can make it better. I want to make it accessible to as many people as possible. I literally just had a message from a beautiful high school teacher who was like, would this be helpful to me so that I can help my teenage kids have more

confidence. And I was like, oh my god, I might cry. Yes, please, please, please. Like, this is the stuff that I wish we were taught at school. As you know, that's what my whole business is founded on. And so it is still open. It's open for a while. We start 16th of March, you still got a lot of time. DM me if you have any questions, I would absolutely love to answer them. And if you had any aha moments or takeaways from today's show, please tag me reach out. Let me know. i It's

my birthday right now. So you can also message me and say happy birthday. I'd love to hear from you. And, well, I'm going to go and get married this weekend too. So what a beautiful week. I hope you guys have a beautiful week too. And I will see you here next week. Bye