💆 Have you taken personal development too far? 🤪

to stay this Christmas. And that just makes me so so so excited. I've been on the phone to mum this morning, and we're getting really excited for our Christmas. And then I've got my nieces and my nephew coming to stay for New Year's and it's just a very exciting time the sun is out. I've been at the beach, I've been having a few cocktails with friends over the weekend. And I just absolutely love this time of year. So so

much. And there's so much going on behind the scenes so much like both personally and within my business, which is really exciting. Some of it I will be obviously bringing you along for and we will be having a lot of chats on here over the next few months about what I've been what I've been doing behind the scenes, and it's very exciting. I am very soon going to be opening enrollment for the mind to school method, which is so

exciting. It is a certification that is going to be for coaches and educators and leaders and essentially humans who work with humans. And it is it is going to be next level like it really is, I think probably one of the best, I believe it's it's going to be the best certification that's on the market. And that's because of how holistic and deep it is, as well as broad. I'm covering such a broad range of techniques and modalities, as well as going real deep with my students and those who come in

for the certification. So I'm not going to talk about that on this podcast right now i will do a completely separate episode. And if you have any particular questions, please do send me messages, please send me a DM or you can add a question to the recess questions link in my show notes. Because I will answer all the questions about the main school on a podcast in a separate episode. But that's all going on. And that's keeping me very busy as well as I just finished my shadow work

certification. So I have been studying and really diving deep into the modality of shadow work for quite some time, like a long time behind the scenes. And like everything, I sort of go all in, I use it on myself, I start using it on clients, I learned from the best of the best I do, I go balls deep. And then when I feel like well, I'm very fit, I'm feeling very embodied in it, I've had my own experiences, I feel very comfortable with the

modality. It's something that I want to continue to use, that's when I start bringing it in. And I've been using a lot of shadow work processes and just a sort of different lens to my coaching with my clients over the last few months. And it has been absolutely transformational. And there will be a little bit of shadow work and that type of healing and modality within the mind school certification too. So there's just so much exciting stuff going on behind the

scenes. But something I want to talk about today is actually a theme or an issue that I have noticed come up often for clients or for people in this space of personal development or evolution. Or maybe you've just always really been interested in your own psychology or you've been on a healing journey. Or maybe you're in business. So you're always growing. And then you're always looking at yourself. And this personal development space, I noticed the

theme. And I also noticed this play out for myself personally. And I want to share that because I think so many people will resonate. And that is the point in time where personal development can almost be taken too far. And it is no longer being utilised or the techniques and the strategies and the mentality towards it is being utilised in a way that is no longer supportive, resourceful, productive, or helpful, it actually starts to become a limitation. And so how does this

play out? I want to explain, first of all, like, let's look at what happens when you start a personal development journey. Or you've been on some sort of journey of self awareness and self reflection and, and growth. What often happens and this is perfect, and this is beautiful.

And there is a time and a space where this is exactly what is needed for you to get to your next level or for you to make changes is that you actually need to really, really magnify your self awareness, which means what's happening in this phase and again, there's a season for everything. So I'm not saying that this is bad. I'm just saying. What I want to bring your awareness to in this episode is when you are taking personal development and the tools and techniques a little

bit too far. And when maybe you've swung too far onto one pole of the polarity and you might need a swing back to the middle ground or just bring some awareness to what season you're

in. Because every tool is perfect for a season but sometimes there is a season where you put the tools down So what often happens in the beginning or in the season of development and building self awareness, because maybe you want to change something, maybe you keep triggering yourself, or you keep going into this loop or this pattern of sabotage, and you're like, fuck, something's got to change. Or maybe you've been holding on to something for

a really long time. And you've started this healing journey, whatever it is, what often happens in the beginning is you need to build self awareness around it. And so what often happens is we become really curious and we become very self reflective. And we're starting to really watch ourselves, which is perfect by watching for our, our own frequencies within

ourselves. We're watching for our own self taught, we're watching for our own beliefs, we're starting to notice what comes up for us, we're looking at our triggers. We're really dissecting everything about us. What could this mean? What is this other layer here, and we're wanting to know ourselves, and that's perfect. But by getting to know ourselves, that's what happens. We become very

analytical. And we're often dissecting things, and we're living very much in our head space, so that we can really bring our self awareness up to the forefront and see ourselves and start to make changes. And that's awesome. But what I what like I said, what often happens is, you're living in a space of constant reflection, and almost a little bit of self obsession, because you do and it's not, I'm not saying this from a bad energy, you do have to become

quite focused on self. And you're looking at what is this bringing up for me? What am I making this mean? Where did I learn this? Whose is this? Whose thought pattern is this? Where did I pick this up? Where did this come from? We're starting to even like, it's almost like we're at like, got Inspector Gadget is, I don't know why Inspector Gadget just came into my head, but like, we've put on

our investigator hat. And it's like, all we're on this real curious quest to find out like, Oh, I've just noticed this thing in myself. What what is that? Where did that come from? Was this a childhood thing? Where did I pick this up, like, so we're always, you know, evolved. And it's all for the point of evolution and seeing ourselves and self awareness, and it is absolutely, the first step to change and growth is self awareness. So it's an important

step. However, what happens sometimes, is that we don't know when to put the tools down and just be present. And when to actually not live in a space of always developing, you know, because that's the intention from the beginning, right? We're doing it with the intention to grow. And sometimes in this space, and when you're very

comfortable in that space. And if you're listening to this podcast, you probably are a high achiever, you probably are someone who's very ambitious, you've probably got a lot of goals for yourself, you love learning about yourself, you might always be sort of setting a goal and striving and setting another goal and another challenge. And that's incredible. Like, I love that I'm for that I'm about that I think humans need growth and challenge. And I think that's

really satisfying. However, sometimes in pursuit of growth, and wanting to always evolve and be on to the next thing and always, you know, see yourself and evolve yourself and evolve your emotional intelligence and

self awareness. What happens is that almost you become so well trained in this technique, or this mentality, and so well trained and well versed in growth and the next thing and evolution and looking at ourselves and building our self awareness that it actually becomes really uncomfortable to put down the tools. And to actually just not like sometimes and this is where it's like and from I'm talking about my own experience here. So let me explain how this worked. For me.

I was an M, I am by nature, very light hearted, very jovial, very don't don't take a whole lot too seriously. Yet. There's a whole element of like, I love to go deep on things. I love to understand things. But my general sort of demeanour is quite light hearted and happy go lucky sort of can go with the flow, but love to always have a goal and a challenge. But I was sort of always from a young age achieving something. It was like I was achieving things either

through career and study. And it was like, first, I just got to finish this law degree. And then I've got to get a place inside of a law firm. And then all while I'm doing this, I'm going to start getting hell into my fitness. And then it was like fitness goals. And then I wanted to be on stage and I wanted to be lifting weights heavier, and it was the new new fitness goals. And then it was, oh, I'm actually going to do this career. So I'm studying now this thing and it's ticked that off.

And next next next then I went into a Korea, which teaching for anyone who doesn't know like, teaching is very unique to be on and there is very, like, not a whole lot of room for just taking a breather, because you've always got more that you can do. And there's always there's always more to do, and the work is never done. And so I was kind of very, very, very, I spent five years being very productive and productivity was the only way to really do keep

my head above water. I had to make sure that when my marketing was done in my copy copywriting, no, that's business making sure that my photocopying was done. And my lesson plans were done. And my students were happy and I will ticking all these boxes and on duty, I can maybe even get this parent email sent out or there was always something on.

And I was very, very well trained for five years and being productive, then to move a business into personal development and spend three years growing a business, there was always something to do. Plus my line of work is personal development. my line of work is growth and mindset and always doing the work. And so I've spent years and years and years and years always doing always evolving, always growing, and

that's fucking perfect. But what I found was, and this started to play out a little while ago, was that there was the point where the tool becomes a weapon. When it's not used correctly, anything any tool can be like a knife, a knife can be incredible, it can help us to cook our dinner, or it can help us to get the job done, it can be an incredible tool, or it can be used to murder someone and stab someone. So any tool has both, like a high frequency and

low frequency. If you look at it through that lens, every tool can become a weapon. And personal development became a little bit the same. It was like, gotta grow, gotta grow, got to do things got to be productive. What does this mean? What am I making this mean? And that actually started to feel very serious, it started to feel really heavy. And that doesn't

feel good to me at all. Because I like to have I actually like to not take anything that seriously, which sounds almost like a contradiction, because it is very deep work. But also you can do it with the frequency of

lightheartedness. And what I started to find, especially when you start moving more into, like, I was studying a lot of the healing stuff because I wanted to go deeper with clients and have modalities to help them and I was, you know, really immersing myself into the world of being trauma informed and making sure that you know, I can hold everything I wanted, it was really important to me that I

could hold it all. But within this frame of always looking to grow and understand and learn and go deep with clients, I started to feel like I actually don't want to do this, I don't want to personally develop I actually just want to sit at the pub with some of the boys and

have a fucking laugh. And I was finding I was really wanting to be around my friends who were like the Joker's like I was craving almost the complete absence of personal development and analysis and living in my head and dissecting things and looking for deeper meanings. Like I was actually just so done with it. And then I found all but it was starting to feel a little bit uncomfortable.

Because for so many years, it's like personal development, growth, get things done, be productive, get go to the gym, get your work done, grow the business, like there's always more to be done. And so I started to notice this energy of like, it was almost a little bit uncomfortable to just do

nothing. And that's why the last year or so, my work that I've been doing is on doing less the work for me is to put down the tools that work for me was to actually just not do the things that I was so used to doing and being okay with it. And that actually took a lot of central nervous system regulation that took a lot of re establishing hobbies, reestablishing boundaries that looked like going to dance classes and piano lessons and singing more that started to look like cooking

again. And all of this stuff that had absolutely no purpose. There was no purpose other than it felt good. And I started reading so many fiction books

again. And I started going to the beach in the mornings just because I could without even things like when I was exercising I was so used to oh I'm on the treadmill I can learn something I can study something I can do a personal development podcasts are I can update myself with my studies or I can create a reel or whatever I can be so productive while I'm getting my steps in. And it was like actually no, like, I actually am just gonna listen to music music has been an absolute godsend.

And I think what I've seen like I'm the reason I share this is because my experience was not something that I have haven't

heard of before. And when because I work with hundreds of different women who are very deep in like, learning more about themselves and building their self awareness and going into potential healing or, you know, transcending sabotaging behaviours or building a business like building a business is really a bit of a it's a bit of a workout for your central nervous system because you're building something and in the beginning it does feel like you're in this battle of like,

Oh, I've got to build this thing grow this thing and I mean, it's a fun one don't get me wrong like it is the fucking best. I love it. I wouldn't change a thing. But there is an element of like there's always something to be done especially in the startup phase. When you don't have support. You don't have a VA you don't have a team you don't have a graphic Zeina, you're wearing all the hats, and it's hard to relax, because there's always more that can be

done. And coming into that space after being an educator for so long, it's like there's always more that you can do. For me, like I said, the work was actually in stopping with the analysis, stopping with the dissecting things and looking for things and being on this quest to see myself better until, like, improve my self awareness, I actually got to a point and a place of maturity in the personal development journey, where the maturity was, it's not something I necessarily

need to do. It's just kind of who I am now. And that's why that's really embodied. But I think some people miss that point, they miss the part where you can actually put down the tools, because you just know what to do. Now, it's just who you are. And so an example of this or an analogy that I can use to sort of show you what

what I mean by this. When I was learning to teach, when you're learning your degree, and you're going into your prac, and you're learning how to teach a class, for a whole term, you are writing a lesson plan for every single lesson. And you're breaking down minute by minute.

So in the beginning, this is what we're going to do, this is going to be the hook of the lesson, then we've got 30 minutes of this activity, we're going to round it up this way, I'm going to write this note on the board, I'm going to bring it back with this, I'm going to use this resource, and you are literally writing a plan that follows a very particular structure. And you do that for

so long. until there comes a point where you transcend the structure because it's a knowing it's just who you are and what you do. There's been enough repetition, there's been enough practice, it's so embodied, you transcend the structure. And this is played out in lots of different ways. I don't journal very much anymore. Because I'm just a pretty self aware human, I don't really need that structured time every day, to bring some awareness to things that I want to contemplate. It's

just who I am. And so it's kind of like in the personal development, space and journey. Can you get to a point where you don't need to be constantly looking for things, you just trust that if something comes up, you'll see it. You don't need to be constantly growing and evolving and like what's the next thing what's the next thing is just who you are. And it can coexist with being whatever, whatever it is for you, we've been a couch potato.

With being a bit lazy. We've been a little bit with having a bit of fun with having some cocktails, like, it's almost like you go into this world. And what I saw was like, I can be I've got to be really healthy and personally developing and doing my meditation and it's, it becomes stressful. I want to do

my meditation. I want to do my I don't know grounding exercises and visualisations and do this work and and contemplate and journal and do my exercise and eat gluten free and have my five litres of water a day and all the things and then it's like all these things, that more things to do more things to live in your head, there is a point where you have taken it too far. And now it's no longer serving that original purpose of making life easier. Because that was the point it was meant to make

you more self aware. It was meant to help you to change into the into the person you want to be and be more present and be more fulfilled. But a lot of people struggling to feel that because it's this perpetual cycle of always doing more always analysing, always dissecting. And so like I said, there comes a time where your tool becomes a weapon. And there also comes a time where it's

time to put the tools down. And like I said, there's seasons, there are seasons where sometimes you might be just in a hustle phase where it's like, okay, I need to be doing all the things or maybe you're in a bit of a healing phase and you've been noticing a very reactive and you're doing that original work of blowing everything up and really looking for a microphone microphone, magnifying glass that like what's mine. What's my pattern? What's here to dissect? Where did this come from, that's

fucking beautiful. But you don't want to live like that. Because what that means is you'll be living in your head 24/7 And you both can coexist. You can be a self aware human that has goals and is evolving and is progressing. And you can still binge watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians, if that's what you want to do. You're not less woke less conscious, because you want to fucking relax, because you want to eat a burger and sit at

the pub and have a beer. That doesn't mean you've gone backwards or that you're any less conscious. And this is where sometimes I noticed in this space, it's like fucking woke Dick swinging just like consciousness ego, which is actually the absolute opposite of what of the work if you're using this work to be more superior to be more further along to be more work or to be more conscious. You've kind of missed the whole fucking point.

Like you really have If you're using this, if the tool is actually making you more egotistical, more in your head all the time, more unwilling to just be, if it's making you more self obsessed, and you are living in your head, and you're obsessed with what's coming up for me, to the point where you can't even start to say that, hey, there might be some things coming up coming up for people around you, like, can you be still empathetic and present to everyone around you, if you're

using the tool and and now can't be present, the tool is being used against you. And so all of this is to say, a few takeaways. One, there is a season, sometimes you need the tools, you need all the tools and you're out there harvesting, you're out there, I don't know, putting all the seeds, you need all the tools so that you can reap benefits later on. And that's great. That's perfect.

But also there comes a time where you have gotten so good at using the tools that a they might become a limitation or be you can put them down knowing that they are already existing within you you've transcended the structure, it that's where it becomes fully embodied. And having the maturity to know which season you're in is also a

new level of self awareness. I got to a point about a year ago, and it was not one, not two, but three of my mentors said to me, Bray, your work is in not doing the work like you are so embodied in this work, you can fucking put the tools down. And that like I said, that then brought up the new growth for me, which was like, Ah, okay, now I've got to deal with Am I being unproductive. And that was

my work to do. But there was a time and a maturity that comes with this work of going, I'm good, I'm solid, I don't need to consistently be living in my head. And I can still be someone who's growing, who's evolving, who's doing the work, so to speak, I can still be quote, conscious. And if I want to sit on the couch all day, and if I want to have a lot, you can do it, you can do that, too. You don't have to live in your head.

That's not the point. So what I would say is, if you're resonating with that, like oh my god, I don't know how to slow down, everything's becoming this big analysis in my head, everything's deep and everything's feeling actually quite heavy, then yeah, maybe it's time to put down the tools and maybe your work to do is to come back to the centre is to come back to the middle ground, bring in like I did for a while, bring in the fiction books, bring in the time at the at the

pub with friends, bring in the dancing, bring in less, because sometimes less is the work to do, especially if you've been listening to this podcast for a while if you've been doing this work for a while. And a lot of my clients are sort of, in this point to where it's like, you can trust that you have done the work. And actually the work to do is to do less of the work. Maybe that's actually where

you're at. And again, then you might go through a new season where it's time to pick up the tools again, because you're just in a different phase. But it's knowing that there is a cycle and a season for everything. There is always a time when your strength becomes your weakness and when your weakness becomes your strength. And true self awareness is being able to see it for what it is. And go okay, this is the season I'm in this is the tool I need. This is a

tool I can put down. This is no longer working for me, I need to find a way to change my tact. So I hope that's helpful, because I just noticed it was a pattern. And it's something that I've had my own experience with. And it's something that I'm just so excited. I'm so excited about the mine school method because like I said, there's going to be a whole range of modalities and tools so that people that learn this work can go and use it with

your own. You can use it with your own clients, you can use it with yourself, you can use it to become a self aware human who isn't using these tools against yourself. Right. That's the whole point. So that's all for me today, I am just going to quickly say I have closed my books. I know I said on the podcast a little while ago, I was opening up some space for one on ones, I no longer have any space for new one on ones

for 2024 2023. However, if you want to, if you are feeling pulled to this work in particular, like really starting to mature your personal development journey, if you want to bring this into your business, if you're really wanting to understand yourself deeper, and this always grows your business, FYI, if you are wanting to delve deep into this work with myself in a one on one capacity, and you want to lock

in the prices of 2023. Before there is a very significant increase and change instruction next year, you can actually lock in this year on these prices before I raise the prices. So I just wanted to put that out there because I think that's a really cool opportunity for anyone who wants to start 2020

for doing this work. And really whatever your work is to do whichever season you're in, I will have more spaces opening next year, but you can actually lock them in now with this year's prices, which is just really cool. And I wanted to offer that to you. If this work is something that you're just really fucking interested in and you want to work with someone who understands all the different seasons and what tools

to apply when. So I hope you have a great start to November and I will see you back here next week.