💖 Friendship Fallouts, Finding your Tribe + Navigating Relationships through Change 🌒

And so when I'm seeing it and repeating myself a lot, and I know that this is an experience a lot of people are going through, I just hit record because there's obviously a lot of people who are experiencing it and might need a little bit of support or guidance or just to know you're not alone really with this. And so I'm going to just hit record, we leave tonight, we are leaving tonight, and coming back to Perth, and I'm just so excited. So excited.

Like I said last week, I cannot wait just to, oh, my brother's picking me up from the airport, and I could cry a lot, I just want to squeeze him in never ever, ever let go, I can't wait to see my brother. So anyway, um, I'm talking today about a very, very, very, very, very common issue that I often help a lot of my clients with, that comes up a lot inside of

level up. And actually there was a post inside the Facebook group just recently where one of the ladies just sort of mentioned how fucking nice it is to have people that she can share these really deep things with and these really important things to her. And she sort of realised through this group and through having such like minded people around that maybe there was a bit of a deficit in her life.

And then I had another chat with another client who said, I realised just since starting level up that I've been sharing my plans with the wrong people. And it's not their fault. Like that's not what we're saying it's no one's fault. But like, I've been sharing some things with the wrong people and finding the right people has

made all the difference. And this is so common, it is so common for me to be hearing about friendship fallouts the side effects of growth and the awkward transition period that you may be going through, if you are going through a big period of change. If you are immersing yourself into some new part of your life, maybe you're delving into a more spiritual side of yourself, maybe you're delving into spirituality, and it's all new to you, and you're

so excited by it. And you're like, oh, fuck, I feel like I've lost the plot when I talk to people or out about this, or people think I've gone bonkers because I never used to be into this like, or maybe you've started a business or you're you're in business, but everybody around you doesn't really get out, it doesn't really understand. And so you can feel a little bit lonely, you can feel a little bit isolated. And you can start to feel like there's a disconnect.

And what I hear a lot and sort of how it comes up for my clients is that I hear things like, everything just feels really surface level. Or I'm really craving to go deeper with somebody, or I'm feeling really unsupported. Or I'm feeling like nobody really understands or I'm feeling like everybody else is just afraid and projecting their fears onto me. So I don't know who to talk to. I'm doubting myself, because the people in my life have their doubts. And that's really impacting my own

confidence levels. I hear people say like, I just want to find my tribe, like I just want to find my people so that I can normalise this stuff that I'm going through and have someone to share all this excitement with. And it's so common. And of course, it's common like, of

course, it's common. Because all of the people that we have in our life, all the relationships that we have built, friendships are built off of a shared identity, or a shared value system, or some shared like beliefs and shared experiences. Like if you look over your group of friends or the relationships in your life, what you'll see is that you know, you might have your mom group of friends that you met when you're all in the same period of pregnancy or you know, you're met at mother's

group. So you've got that shared identity. Or it might be your business friends who you've you've got that together, like you've got your business group, or it could be that you've just got this group of friends that you've always been friends with, you always have been you have been through childhood, you maybe did uni together, or they're your uni friends, you've got that thing in common that binds you together. And that's why you're in resonance with

these people. You are in resonance with them because there is a similarity that exists there is a shared bond. And so when you go through this massive big growth phase and something changes, all of a sudden there can be that disconnect because there isn't that shared experience or identity or bond. And what I want to point out here is that is not anybody's that is not their fault that you know, like

it's scary. What I'm saying is that when one person in a relationship goes through a big period of change, it is really scary often for the person who's not changing, because they didn't ask for this, they didn't know that this was coming, they were probably quite happy with the way things are they don't, they're scared that they're losing a part of you, they might be afraid of who they what they're losing, they might be afraid that things are about to change between you, they might

be afraid that they're going to lose you in some way. And so that brings up their fears. And when they're acting out of fear, things can start to get a little bit weird, a little bit funky in the relationship. And so the first thing there is to just become aware of that it's a scary time for the other person and to be able to respond with compassion, and to be able to

respond with that love. And that knowing that like it's coming from a place of love, the fear of losing you is coming from a love of what the relationship was once based upon. And when we can understand that other people are going through their own, like Journey watching you change, we can maybe come at it from that perspective of understanding. And that can be really, really helpful. And so hopefully, hopefully, and really, my prayer is that everybody can get to a stage.

Unfortunately, this is not usually what happens. But wouldn't it be beautiful if even when your friends didn't understand, even when they were a little bit afraid, even when they couldn't really understand what it was that you're going on about all the time, they couldn't really understand your change? Wouldn't it be beautiful? If people could just say, Look, I don't get it? I don't understand this isn't making sense to me, but I want to be able to support you I'm or

how can I help you? Or how can I be what you need in this time? Wouldn't that be fucking beautiful? If people like you know what, I don't get it? I don't understand. But you seem happy. And if you're happy, I'm happy you do you, that would be

beautiful. And if you want that friendship, you must first be that friend is what I'm going to say you must first be that friend to be the one who is supporting somebody else through their growth and journey, even when you don't understand and asking how can I support you? How can I how can I connect with you through this, you know, so that would be beautiful. However, it's not usually the

way it plays out. And I'm talking about more of often times, when you'll start, you maybe might start to reflect or notice a few little traits between relationships that might actually feel a little bit toxic, or might start to feel a little bit icky. Or I hear often people say like, oh, I'm starting to realise like, we are really unhealthy. Like we're a little bit codependent. Or maybe you start to realise I just, I just we just get together and we

just beach about people. And I'm really trying not to do that I'm trying to be a more compassionate person. And um, you know, or maybe you realise that every time you share something with this person, they knock it down, or there's a little sly remark, and you're left questioning like, Does this person actually support me like? So there's a lot of that that

can happen. And often it's coming because there is fear that's been inserted into this relationship, there's a little bit of fear because there's change. And so when you're noticing these shifts and changes, you might start to wonder, do I hold on? Do I find new people? What am I meant to do? Where's my tribe, I feel a little bit lonely. And all of that comes up. And so what I want to say is, first of all, you cannot change anybody, you

cannot change anybody. Humans, you know, you've probably heard humans don't like change. And that's not true. Humans don't like to be changed. There's a lot of you know, like, humans don't like change, humans like to stay the same change is scary. Not true. Humans are naturally for evolution for expansion for growth. That's why we have such an innovative society that progresses really, really, really fast. That's why we have iPhones. That's why we

have electricity. That's why we have all of these, you know, these things that just evolve quickly because humans love to adapt and evolve and change. But not when it's forced upon us. We don't like to be changed. And so when somebody in a relationship is changing, you are forcing change on that person, which is really bloody scary. But you can't force and you also can't expect everybody to change at your level. That's not fair. Everybody's on their own journey. Everybody has their own

path. Everybody is going through things at their own on their own timeline. And we need to respect that we need to really try not to force others to change. We cannot force we cannot force we can only change ourselves and some people if you're changing for the better if you're becoming a happier version of yourself. If you are changing in a way that is really beautiful to witness. People will eventually come around because that's the way it works. It's

inspirational. People want a bit of what you've got lot, unless they are too tied down in their own stuff and there is too much in their own world, they cannot get happy for you, they cannot because it's bringing up once again, it brings up their own stuff, it's about them, it's not about you. But you can't force somebody to change. However,

you can control. And the only thing that you can control is how you decide to meet this person in the relationship, and express your needs and express how you're feeling and choose to communicate, that is all on you. They cannot and remember, they haven't asked for this, they didn't expect this, they don't, they may not even understand where you're coming from, or be aware that you're feeling this

way. They're not mind reader's, nobody is a mind reader, they might have no idea that you're sitting there thinking, whatever your story might be, and I'm gonna get into this in a second. But please, for now, just consciously ask yourself, what is my story around my friends? What is the story or narrative? I'm telling myself? Is it that I'm not supported? Is it that they don't understand? Is it that they're too jealous? Is it that like, what is the story that you're telling yourself?

Because they might have absolutely no idea that this is happening? And you might be making up a scenario in your head that doesn't actually have a basis? And so how is it your what is on you to bring to the

surface and to communicate? And how can you check in with what's your responsibility and how you're going to move through or make a decision to either communicate this in the relationship and try to try to improve it, try to fix it and allow it to move through your change through your evolution through your growth? How are you going to navigate that? Or are you going to make the decision that actually and again, you're going to have to sit with this?

Have you seen that this is actually a relationship that's not good for you? And if so how are you going to transition slowly and lovingly out of it? And do you want to make a decision to communicate or not? If you're making a decision that this is a relationship that means so much to you? And it's really important to you that you can connect with this person over something? Then check in first of all with what's on you.

The first thing, like I said, is, check in with your stories, check in with what the narrative is that you're telling yourself, are you telling yourself things like, I'm not getting supported, my friends don't support me, maybe it's like, and I hear this a lot. My friends aren't supporting my business, like I hear, they're not liking my staff. They don't, they don't buy my products. They don't

this, they don't that. First of all, check in and remember the fact that they might not even be looking at your stuff, they might not understand how much this means to you, they might think that they're trying to respect you by giving you some privacy in your business. And by just letting you do your thing. They might not even be seeing your stuff, maybe it's out of their budget, maybe they actually can't afford it. Maybe they have no idea that this is causing you so much distress.

And yet in your head, it's becoming a big issue. So how can you check in with your stories and actually get some get some clarity on them get some confirmation before you create a problem that doesn't exist? Maybe that means Hey, you recognising that here's the story. The story is I'm not feeling supported in my

business. If that's the story, you're running, you've got some choices, do you say to these friends and look, the thing that's gonna be the main takeaway from this whole episode is fucking communication, awkward, uncomfortable, really, like difficult sometimes confronting conversations and

communication. And the only way that you will be able to move through this stronger hopefully is through communication, or you will be able to make the decision through communication that it is just not the friendship worth investing in anymore. And that's also okay, but have the conversations. And so maybe if you find your story is okay, I'm not getting supported. I feel like I need

more support. What is then your responsibility again, you can't change other people, but you can control your reactions, your conversations and how you are going to go about this. You might need to say to that friend, hey, I don't expect you to understand like, it's just you know, and that's the other thing you can't expect people to understand when it's not part of their world. It's not part of their paradigm. But you could actually explain like, hey, like, it really would mean so

much to me. Like, I don't know why this is the story. I'm telling myself, I'm just telling myself that you're not supporting my business, and maybe I'll go Oh, my God, that's fucking crazy. Like, I support you. 100%. Like, I How did I do that? How did I make you feel that way? And you can have a

beautiful conversation. Maybe you could have a conversation that's like, Hey, do Just the way it works on my end is like, if you and they might not understand this, you can have a conversation we say, you know, I don't expect you to understand but like the why it means so much to me, or why it's important to me is because the more people that actually do engage with my staff, the more likely it is to be shown to more people, and then it's going to

help my business grow. So if you can just like my staff, like it would just mean so much to me. And because of their, because of their paradigm, because of their filter of the world, they might go, oh, shit, I'm so sorry. I didn't know that the likes actually did anything. Oh, my God, I'll just like them, no problem. And then you get to go, Oh, that was really that's all that was, like, bring up your stories if you can, and tell them, This is what I'm going through. And like, I want your

support. Because you mean so much to me, I love you so much. And I really, this is why it's important to me, this is what why I really feel like I need your support. So check in with your stories. And before you start to really focus on those stories and look for evidence, because that's the thing, once you've made up a story in your head, you'll find evidence to prove it correct. Until you go and bring it up with that person and get the either you'll get

the confirmation. And if you get the confirmation that yeah, I don't support you, I think your business is shit. Like if you get that if you get that or Yeah, I don't support you, I don't like this change in you. I want the old you back like, then that's on them. But you've done your part and you need then you've got at least some information, some concrete information of actual facts, not just a story in your head, then you've got actual concrete facts that you can then decide what to

do with. But bring it up, communicate, identify your own

stories. And once you've identified your own stories, ask yourself also how am I in some way allowing or contributing to this, because what you are allowing, you are also choosing what you are allowing, you are also choosing, if you are noticing, hey, I've got this friend, for example, I've got a friend, she just keeps giving me these catty remarks, she keeps saying things that feel bitchy, if you are continuously just letting those slide, you are setting the benchmark for what

you will accept. And that is going to create more of it. And so in what way again, take some responsibility. In what way am I allowing this in the relationship? In what way have I not stood in my power, and said, hey, when you say things like that, it really makes me feel shit. Like it really doesn't, it hurts my feelings, like it actually hurts my feelings when

you say that. And I'm not going to admit it again, maybe that just opens a conversation for that person about oh, fuck, I'm sorry, I actually thought we were having a joke. I didn't realise like I didn't realise. And honestly, when you get to a point where you can have these conversations with people, the relationship gets so much stronger, it's so much stronger. I have had some beautiful conversations with friends. And

I will say straight up. This has been the hardest, most repetitive lessons I've had to learn in my life over time is to because I was the person I was the person who would rather suffer in silence, and be in so much pain internally than to have a confronting conversation.

And I had have led really, really, really important relationships in my life in the past have so many problems I didn't need to have because I couldn't just say, hey, my feelings are hurt, hey, I'm feeling left out, Hey, I'm feeling afraid, hey, I'm really scared because maybe like whatever it is, I never had the balls to have the conversations. And that has been the biggest lesson of my life, to learn to have scary conversations, because it actually makes you stronger. With the right people.

It creates more empathy, more understanding, more connection, and you come out loving each other more. But when you suffer in silence, you build resentment, you build these stories, your stories start to actually gain more momentum in your head. And then it becomes a really toxic environment. So have the conversations, check in with your stories and ask how am I? How am I contributing? Or allowing by not doing anything

to stop it? Or to change it? And how can I have a conversation with somebody to allow them or to let them say that this is impacting me, and it's impacted me because I really care about this relationship. If you really care about the relationship, you will do what you can to have the conversations and I know it feels scary. But also, I could give you so many beautiful examples of like, just just recently, I said and this is why the conversations are so important. I said to a very very

good friend of mine. Oh my god, I said you're so sassy and I just said it as like a look. I love that about this friend. It's one of my favourite things about her like she's fiery and I love it but then I could tell something went something went off something was not right. And I was like fuck did I do something? Did I say something? I didn't know what had happened and for the rest of the night things didn't feel right. And then I asked like hey, did something happen is

Everything okay. And that friend because again, this is the relationship we have. She was like, look, it's my own stuff. It's not you. I know you didn't mean it. But that word to me is really triggering like that word sassy. It's, it's a trigger word for me because I was, you know, blah, blah, blah. And we had this amazing conversation about her childhood and why that word triggered her and what it meant to her. And I was able to say, Fuck, to me, it's the ultimate compliment. Like, I think it's

so fucking cool. When I say sassy, I'm saying it as a compliment. And it's my favourite thing about you. But in her mind, it meant something different. So we were both running these different stories in our heads. And now we joke about it. Now we laugh about it. Now it's become a personal joke. Now we understand each other more, we got to have a deep conversation. All of these things can make you stronger, if you're willing to go there, if you're willing to talk about it.

And like I said, that's your responsibility to notice your stories, to check in with your stories to have a little bit of compassion and understanding too, that people won't understand everything you're doing. If you have a business, they probably won't understand how much your launch means they don't even know what a launch

is. They don't know that you have spent hours agonising over this thing and you've had crickets, they don't understand what it means they don't get it and you can't expect them to, but you can explain to them why it means so much to you. And you can help them to understand, hey, what this actually means for me is that when nobody buys, I don't know how I'm fucking eating next week. And that's why I really need your support right

now. Like I'm so afraid and I need you to help me like I need you I need a friend, you have you have a responsibility to communicate, you don't have a responsibility to what happens after that you'd like I mean, you can't control what's going to happen after. But you can control your stories, you can control your narratives, you can control how you decide to communicate with people. And you can decide what you're going to do with that information once

you have concrete facts. So first check in with yourself. That's the most important thing. And then this is the next part. So let's say that you've just discovered that no, actually this friend doesn't want to come on this part of my journey with me this maybe you've got to know developed this really strong love for like your fitness and maybe and this was huge in my life. I was the party girl like the stay out latest sculling bottles of like now I think about it, like gross, I was a

party girl. And for me to go down this hugely, like health fitness junkie path was a huge like, what my friends who I'd spent my 20s travelling and being an absolute hooligan with would have been like, ah, what and I can't expect them to want all of a sudden come to the gym with me. That's not fair. They didn't ask for that they didn't like the gym. Like, you know, this is going back a few years

now. You can't expect that. And so what that meant for me is like, Oh, I actually maybe you recognise there's a deficit in one area of your life. And maybe those friends don't want to come along for that particular journey. Maybe they want to don't don't want to be on the fitness journey with you, maybe, but they can still support you. And that's the big difference.

They can go Oh, no thanks. Like, I don't really want to come to Jacob's Ladder, or I don't really want to come to the gym, but I'll see you after like, go for coffee after cool, happy for you sick, keep those friendships amazing. But you might notice there's a deficit you might notice, okay, my friends are supporting me, but they're just not into, like, for example, spirituality, or they're not into the fitness game, or they're not into business stuff.

Notice where the deficit is. And then that's when you can start to look for and find your tribe. Now, I've already mentioned this before, but if you're looking for this friend who is supportive and raises you up and is into these particular things, and encourages you at every step, first check in that. Am I being this friend first? Am I being that friend who asks, Hey, how's everything going in your life? How's your job going? How's your boss? can I support you? Are you feeling stressed?

Like what's going on in your world? How can I understand? Even if I don't understand how can I understand explain it to me like I you know, I've got friends. And I feel so bad now looking back like friends who had kids years ago. And I just felt like, oh, I don't know how to I don't know what to do with this. Like, I don't know how to. But looking back with a few of these friends, I wish that at the time, I could have said hey, I don't understand what you're going through. I really don't

understand that. Like, you just want to talk about your kids all the time, because I want to talk about maybe travel or whatever. But how can I how can I support you? Like, how can I be that friend that is doing it first. And then if you're looking for friends, let's say you've recognised where the deficit is, and you actually do want some friends to expand yourself or to normalise your growth or to raise you up or just to share things in that particular area.

Where are those people? Where are you going to find your business friends? Maybe you need to start joining some Facebook groups. Maybe you need to joined a mastermind, maybe you need to join a business group, maybe you need to go to networking events. Where are those people going to be? Be that person yourself, if that person goes to these networking events, I'm going to go find my

people at that environment. If you want more people in the fitness journey, or you're in this, like you're just obsessed with, like PBS and getting, I don't know, getting stronger every day, where are those people going to be? Maybe they go to the Sunday meetups at the foreshore, or they do like those Park workouts? Or maybe they're at a yoga class, maybe they go to a different gym, like, where are they? That's where you find your

people. If you're looking for people that are a bit more into like, you're in a spiritual, you're going in this huge, big spiritual journey. Where are they maybe they're at Moon circles, maybe they're in a personal development course, maybe they're in Facebook groups, maybe connect with them on Instagram, like social media is meant to be

social. And you can literally, I find social media to be fucking beautiful, you can literally find your tribe so easily put yourself out there into those environments where they exist, because they exist, they exist and Your vibe attracts your tribe. So you just being you and being completely okay with whoever you are. And whatever journey wherever part of your journey you're at. Owning that and standing solid in that means other people are going to see

that in you. And like a moth to a flame, they are gravitated towards it because of the similarity that exists. We bond over similarities, so show yourself so that people can see themselves in you and gravitate

towards you. And then you also have to be okay with the fact that some are going to fall away, some are not going to get it, some are no longer going to see where there is any similarities, some are actually going to be triggered by it, some are actually not going to understand and their own stories and their own projections and their own insecurities and their own stuff is going to come up.

And that's okay, we can still lovingly let things go as they need to and check in with yourself as to when that time is. So in summary, you if you've made a decision to work on a relationship where there is a little bit of a rift, you can only do your part, you can only check in with your stories, you can only try to build connection and understanding through often

difficult conversations. And then if you still see a little bit of a deficit, who do you need to be where do you need to input input yourself, so that you can find your people because they do exist, they do exist. But like everything, it's your responsibility you create you are the creator of your life and you are responsible for we play a part in the relationships in our life. You know, it takes two to tango, your half of the

equation. So your half of the equation in your friendships, your half of the equation in, you've got to go find the other people, which means you've got a responsibility to put yourself out there. And to work on your stories around friendship. What I've seen is that there are a lot of stories that we hold on

to around friendships. And it's perpetuated often by like Hollywood movies that you know, you have these friends that you go to high school with and your best friends forever and you feel like, you know, you've failed in some way, if there's a friendship where you've grown apart, or you're not friends anymore, or you feel like you've failed in some way, if you don't have those 2030 year connections, check in with that

story too. Because you can make friends that you will feel like you've known your whole lifetime. And you can build really strong, like beautiful connections with somebody really fast. And some people are in your life for a reason. And they're there to teach you something and show you something about yourself and then maybe just disconnect and connect later. Or maybe not some people will be in your life forever. And that's beautiful. But allow space for all of it allow space

for all of it. Because when you close yourself off by saying my friends must be this way and and be in my life forever. You're closing yourself off to potentials. So anyway, I hope that helps. I am gonna go pack my bags and get ready to see my brother and my mom and my dad and come back and start level up and just all the exciting things. Please let me know if this resonated. And please know that if you're going through something like this, you are so not alone. It is so common. You

are absolutely not alone. There is always somebody who has been through what you're going through who can help you who wants to help you who is in the same part of the journey as you You will find them it is a little bit of a difficult time growth. Because with that comes some hangovers, the hangover and the side effects of growth but it's all part of your journey. It's all part of your learning.

And if you can learn to communicate in the really difficult challenging times from a place of love and from a place of wanting to understand and wanting to connect and just wanting to be a better version of yourself a better communicator you will always come out with some lesson so anyway I better go pack and I will speak to you next week bye