🤷‍♀️ Are we always 'enough'? Why building confidence on a weak foundation is making us insecure 👀

feeling. When I was a kid, it was like the local footy club and my dad was the coach. And it was like we usually got the Monday off school, especially if our team had won because you know, probably just now knowing what I know mom and dad were probably just a little bit hungover and didn't want to get up and take us to school. But if they had mad Monday celebrations, we got to just hang out that all the kids and it's always the start of really

nice weather. So for me, I think it's just like, oh, AFL Grand Final, it's the start of summer, the sun's out, it's happy times we're coming into Christmas, which is crazy. And I just had such a nice weekend with family. And I mean, it was a crap Grand Final, if I'm honest, I still cried. Of course, at the end, I still cried. I love the end when like the cry of happiness, and then they come and hug their kids. And it's just so cute. Anyway, I digress. Had a beautiful weekend, life is

bloody good. The sun's out. I'm about to go for a big ride my first pick ride since I got home from Europe. And I'm so excited to get on my bike. It's going to be so strange, though without like, it's not going to be packed full of stuff. And I can't even pack like it's so strange. I'm so used to having my home on my bike. But now I'm like, Oh, God, I can't pack my laptop. What do you mean, I can't stop at a coffee shop and like do some work. And yeah, it's so different. Anyway, gonna

dive into today's episode. It's one that I've really sat with for so long. And I remember actually like churning over this idea and like how I articulate it without it being misconstrued. And I also am very highly aware as you guys would have known if you if you listen to last week's episode, even though sometimes I have the best intentions. And I've got you know, I've said things how I want them to be said, I can't control how things are perceived because everybody listens and

hears with their own filter. So even though sometimes I'm like, right, I need to make sure I get this out. And it's really clear and and it helps people and I've said it in a really articulate way. I also know that I can't control how it's how it's heard, and how it lands with people. So I'm gonna just say it and I hope you can understand the intent behind it, and where I'm coming

from. And it's something that like I've really sat with for a long time I watched, it's you know about this enoughness movement, and this move as a society, almost away from ever letting people make a mistake, like, we almost protect, it's

like, we're protecting kids. And this is where like where I started to observe it was in the classroom, where I started to observe it with changes in the education system, which I sort of thought I had this inkling that like this is really making kids anxious, like kids are just not willing to give things a go anymore. Kids are so afraid of making a mistake and and then they become adults who are afraid of life or giving life a crack or ever making, you know, taking a chance or getting

things wrong. And like I can see why they would be so afraid. Like, we live in a society now, which is almost over protective and like highly politically sensitive, and you're gonna get cancelled if you get it wrong. And you must say the right thing. And we're protected from ever feeling bad and ever getting up in the air making a mistake. And that, to me is a recipe for insecurity. It's a recipe for disaster as far as I'm concerned. And it's a problem. It's a real problem.

And I've now gotten to the point where I believe, in some ways, and in some instances, this enoughness movement of like, you are always enough and you are always, you know, entitled to everything. It's almost like it's doing the opposite for some people. And I'm going to explain

why. And I want to just preface it by saying, first of all, this might come as a bit of a shock because yes, I'm the person that works with hundreds of women on their enoughness stories on their beliefs that they are enough to get whatever they need to have their desires. I help people with their worthiness stories. I truly believe that we are all worthy of everything we want everything we desire. We're all worthy of love. We're all worthy of success. We're all worthy of

abundance. We are deeply worthy, we are born worthy and nothing changes. We are born worthy. And we breathe and we are worthy. That is all my mantra is because I am breathing I am worthy. That is it. I came into the world as a cute little innocent infant. I was a little baby who was worthy of so much love. And she still is like I still am worthy. My clients are still worthy. I've had this conversation with a few of my level up ladies recently.

worthiness is not for debate, worthiness is not up for debate, you are worthy, whether you are rich, you are worthy, whether you are poor, you are worthy, whether you've got a very, very successful business, or you're just starting out, you are worthy. If you are a mom, and you are in the trenches doing the newborn thing, you are worthy. If you are homeless beggar on the street, you are deeply worthy, full stop. That is not up for debate, right?

However, sometimes, we actually need to take a really hard look in the mirror and ask ourselves, okay, this enoughness story, is it a limiting belief? Because there's a big difference? This, I'm not credible enough? I'm not smart enough. I'm not this enough. Whatever your story is, is it a limiting belief, meaning, a belief that has no solid evidence, there is not much truth in it, it's not supporting me to go where I'm going. And I need to do some work on actually removing the

limiting belief? Or is this here to teach me something about where I've got an opportunity to improve about where I've got an opportunity to do a little better about where I've got an opportunity to, you know, grow myself in some way, because I always can get there. But maybe right now, if we take a dose of honesty, maybe right, now we have to look at the mirror, in the mirror sometimes and go, right now, I don't have everything I need, I don't feel

like I really am. You know, I don't feel like I'm qualified enough. And you know, maybe that means I actually would like to take a course. And we take action to then have the confidence, because we've taken an action that actually does the work to remove that enoughness story. But we need to be building our enoughness story on a strong and solid foundation,

not on emptiness. We can't stand in the mirror and say, I am enough and I am deep, I am always enough and shout them in the mirror when we've got no evidence in our life or in our evidence portfolio that says, Yeah, I always bounce back. How are you going to know that you are enough that you've got enough that you've got what it takes if you're not doing the work, and you've got a big pile of evidence behind you that says, I always get I always

sought it out. Because really, confidence does not come from an empty, empty evidence log of never having done anything, never having recovered from any adversity, never having put yourself in the in the ring, never having put yourself in some challenging situation. If you've never bounced back, never giving yourself the opportunity to improve, never giving yourself the opportunity to fail, never giving yourself the opportunity to fail, and then say that was just feedback. And

I'm going to do better. If you've never given yourself that opportunity. You're building your confidence on an empty and a broken and an in stable foundation. And so shouting these out affirmations and doing your journal work and, and trying to take action when unconsciously, you've got this voice saying Oh, but I don't actually know if I can do this. There's, there's something in that. And so to give a little bit of context, and to give a little bit of like where I'm

coming from. I obviously have worked as a teacher for for a long time, I worked as a teacher and I was observing what I thought was really interesting. Like, you know, there's a lot more anxiety and insecurity these days. And there's a lot of kids like petrified of making a mistake petrified of giving things a go petrified of ever getting it wrong. And sometimes that fear because they're so afraid is being further supported by a system that's trying to protect them from ever

feeling bad. And I'm like, wait, wait, wait, no, this isn't working. This is not working. And so to give you an example, like I was having a conversation with a really good friend of mine this weekend, she came over and she's still a teacher. And we were just talking about how like, why are the kids so petrified? And they're so insecure, and they don't want to

give anything a go. And she's like, Yeah, no. And now Now we've got a system that saying, don't say the word test, like, we're not allowed to use the word test anymore, because that would make them too nervous. And so we shield them from that. And like, the truth is, there's gonna be so many tests in life, like, there's going to be school tests, if you go to university, there is going to be

examinations. When you get your licence, there's going to be a driving test, like, there's going to be doctor's tests and healthcare tests, and there are going to be tests and if we remove the opportunity, we remove the root cause like the test is not the problem. The way we respond to them is the problem and the way we perceive them is the problem. And the fact that we're not giving them the opportunity to take a test and to go or I felt so nervous going in but I did it. I felt so

nervous going in. And so I studied really hard and I went in and I'm proud of myself because even though I was nervous I showed up and then throughout, you know experience and time there it gets to be a really big evidence portfolio that says yeah, I was nervous. And every time I'm nervous, I still make it through nerves and autonomic nerves don't mean I can't do something and I should back out nerves in my evidence log, say, It's okay, I've got this, I'm gonna come out the

other end. And then I was listening. So that was one example recently where I was like, no, no, no, we're doing it wrong. Don't take away opportunities for kids to know that they can do hard things, to know that they can bounce back from challenges to know that it's okay to make a mistake. When we know that we can act confidently, we act confidently, because we've got a strong foundation of evidence that says I can do hard things. But we're taking those opportunities away.

And we're protecting ourselves from those things. So that was one example where I saw it. And then another example, I was listening to a podcast and I thought, ah, get out, like, get out there giving out instead of first, second and third place at school, some some schools are now giving a ribbon for 10th 11th 12 1314. Because they don't want ever ever for a kid to ever feel like they weren't a winner. Or they weren't, you know, like they weren't enough

on the race track. And it's like, what if instead of telling every single child that you are enough, even if you got Yes, you did a good job if you got 15th place? And what if they also knew that sometimes we're not going to be good at everything? And that's okay. Yes, your friend always gets champion or runner up champion. And yes, your friend is a natural athlete, but you're an unnatural at something else. And that's

awesome. You know, you might be the person that's really really good at art and your friend who's who's the sporty person

isn't. And so maybe instead of wrapping kids up in this, like cotton wall, we should actually just be giving them and you know, kids is one way I'm sort of saying this is also how I see it for adults is like maybe instead of wrapping ourselves up in cotton wool, and never wanting to fail, never needing never wanting to ever get second place or 10th place God forbid, maybe we actually just deal with. Okay, so right now where I'm at wasn't where I want to be. And so what could I do to

make it better? And that's about having a growth mindset. And having a growth mindset means you're okay with things being challenging. You're okay with not knowing all the answers yet. You're okay with some things not being enough yet, yet is the important word. When you know that nothing is final. Maybe you did fail something, if you perceive it that way. And that doesn't mean anything, if you choose to look at that failure and go, What can I learn from this in order to build my

confidence? What was that there

to teach me? How can I move forward from this and be better when we actually have a confidence that is based and grounded in the belief that I can do hard things, that I can always be better that I can always learn that I have come back from many adversities in the past, that I have many times, learned something new, and perfected it, I have started something that once made me nervous, and I now do it with ease, when we have confidence that is based on that action.

And that really being in it like dealing with some challenges. That is what helps us to move forward. When we build our confidence have no no experience with tough things. No taking action. No being in the fire, we start to build out enoughness stories on a really shaky foundation, then you've got people that are like, you know, following and liking these pages, I am enough, but they've never actually ever had the opportunity to show themselves that I've got this I

am enough. I've got this. And so sometimes we need to actually ask ourselves like, yes, like I said, there is a very big difference between Is this a limiting belief? Like, do I I'm

not credible enough. And you know, a lot of clients I work with will work through it and go, you know, it's silly that we tell ourselves these stories I've got, you know, for example, one client who, I don't know if I'm credible enough, or I'm the expert in this field, she has been working in the field for 15 years, she is literally the expert, and she still will doubt herself. So yes, of course, sometimes we need to look at the stories and ask if they're just false. And they're trying to

keep us in the safe zone. But sometimes, and only you will know the answer to this. Do you actually just need to go? Actually, you know what, right now, I don't actually feel confident enough in this area. And what I think I need to do to improve this would be what? Ask yourself that what would be the action I need to take in order for me to feel more confident? What is the action I would need to take in order for it to feel

enough? What if at the moment, I am simply just not good enough for where I need to be and that means I've got some work to do. That's also There's a there's a level of confidence from being able to say, right now I don't actually feel good enough. And that is because of, you know, I am lacking. If it's a really, if it's a real, honest and mature, delve into this enoughness story, and it comes back to right now I don't feel good enough. Okay. What areas? Do you not feel good enough in? Where

do you feel like you're not? You don't have that, you know, strong support inside of the enoughness story. Okay, well, at the moment, I feel like I'm actually lacking with public speaking. So I don't actually feel good enough to be putting myself out there for speaking gigs. Okay, how about instead of chanting mirrors in the mirror, chanting affirmations in the mirror that I am an amazing public speaker, I am good enough. I am good enough to be

on the TED Talk stage. How about we start taking you to the Toastmasters every single week? How about you get a speaking coach? How about your practice once a week speaking in front of the camera, and then it's in front of a few people? And then in front of a few more? How about instead of working on this enoughness without any evidence or work or action to to remove the enoughness? Story? How about we out work and build evidence to disprove the enoughness

story. Because when we actually do the work, and we have an evidence log that says Actually, I did really well in that, or actually, I have learned a lot since I felt that way. Or actually, I've come so far since I once we've got the evidence, and we're taking the action, the enoughness story starts to dissolve. And it's like, we need to actually be really honest and real with ourselves. And instead of saying, I'm always enough, I'm always it's like this entitlement. I'm always enough.

I'm always enough. What if sometimes, we're just simply not. And that's okay. And there's a little bit of work to do. And we can always get better. And we can always get there. That is where we get confidence we get confidence from knowing wherever I'm at is

fine. Because I can always improve, I can always do better, I can always be better, I can always get the support, there is so much more that comes from that than just this empty, this empty bedrock, where we're trying to build a house, and the foundation is not strong enough to support it. If we want to believe it, we've got to do the work and take the action and have lots of evidence that says

I can do this. And that's what I'm seeing is being taken away from kids, it's been taken away inside of the education system, which you can't say the word test, you're not allowed to keep score at junior sports anymore, because nobody can lose. And therefore, where are kids getting the opportunity to know that it's okay to lose, it's okay to you know, give it your best. And sometimes somebody else will be better. And that's fine, because not everybody is the same and not everybody is

good at the same things. And that's okay, you're still deeply worthy, and you can still get better. That is way more powerful than taking away all the opportunity for ever building real confidence and resilience. And resilience is the thing that's going to build self esteem. Resilience is the thing that's going to make us happy people. Resilience is the thing that's going to allow us to give give, give life a crack and take chances is resilience.

But when we take away the opportunities, because we're protecting ourselves from feeling bad, protecting ourselves from feeling like a failure, protecting ourselves from ever feeling nervous, when we take away those opportunities, we don't have the solid support behind the enoughness story. And so when we say I am enough, it feels like a lie. It just feels like a lie.

And that's why sometimes I can't wait into oh gosh, next week we start the mindset reset inside of level out and I'm so excited to teach the subconscious mind stuff because that's why sometimes certain affirmations won't work for you if you say I am good enough. And everything inside of you says Am I I've never done this. I've never actually done this, then it's not going to land because it's going to be rejected. It's going

to be rejected. And so the affirmations, the journaling the visualisations, they won't work until you work. They won't work until you do. Because you need to have the human evidence to support the belief and vice versa. You need to be doing both at once for sure, do the affirmations. Do the visualisations do all of that. But take the action. You can't be saying I am enough. I am credible enough. I am good enough to be on a TED Talk stage. If you've never even done

one public speech. You can't be doing the work to say I am good enough to have a six figure business. If you've never even had, you've never even done one sale, because you're too scared to make one sale. So like you need the the proof. You need the evidence. And you need to take action to support the enoughness story. Building an enoughness story on an empty, empty bedrock means it's going to feel

insecure. It's going to feel insecure and that's why I believe sometimes God we've gone a little too far with this enoughness movement because it's where like almost entitled without any action entitled without any work, we're taking away opportunity to actually feel the effects of when it's not good enough, and then bouncing back and going, Oh, good. That's all I needed to know how to tweak my training.

You know, if an athlete goes out onto the court, and they weren't good enough to beat their opponent, what happens, they tweak their training, and they come back better. And that's, there's a confidence in knowing that you can do that. So that when you do, quote, fail, it doesn't mean anything. It's okay. It's all good. It's all good to not be enough. Sometimes it means that you can do better and get there. Like, there is

such power in knowing that. And I think we just need to be very conscious of when we're, you know, saying the things without doing the work. And when we're protecting ourselves of opportunities to build the evidence log, we're actually doing ourselves a massive

disservice in the long run. And that's my concern about what I'm seeing, for little ones, what I'm seeing inside of systems, what I'm seeing inside of society with like, all of this overcorrecting and all of this, like, Don't get it wrong, don't get cancelled. Don't don't make a mistake, don't lose, we can't possibly lose, don't nobody, everybody's a winner. It's like, where we're just robbing kids have the opportunity to build resilience to build confidence. And that's what creates insecure

adults. That's what creates really anxious or, like really scared adults. And, you know, a lot of my clients will be like, Oh, my goodness, I've just realised this is what's happened. I have never been told it's okay to fail. I've never been told it's okay to make a mistake. I've never been praised for making a mistake. Oh, aloo. Ya, Allah Lujah. Let's stop praising, oh my god, let's stop praising kids for making a mistake. Let's stop praising ourselves for making a mistake.

Let's stop praising ourselves for getting it wrong. And for bouncing back. Let's start praising ourselves for making an error and going, Oh, that's cool. That's not fatal. That's not final, I can bounce back. No dramas, nothing's that big of a problem that I can't bounce back. When we start celebrating that in kids. And in ourselves, we will stop being so afraid of taking action because of God

forbid getting it wrong. And then when we start to feel like, maybe I'm not enough, at the moment, it won't be crippling for us, we'll just be going. At the moment. I don't feel enough, but I know what to do to change it. And that is what helps us to feel secure, and comfortable and resilient and able to take on anything. And that's what I want to see in the world. I want us all to take it all on because we're here to do big

things. We're all here to do our own unique things, we're here to do something and we can't do it if we're petrified of stuffing up. And sometimes just in my opinion, and I would love to hear your I'd love to hear your feedback, I'd love to hear where you're at with this. If that lands, if that was you know resonating for you, if you're seeing it inside of maybe your

kids schooling situation. If you feel that way, if you've sort of had your own light bulb moments, I would really love to know, this is you know, a topic that I think about deeply. And so I'd love to hear from you. And so with that, I'm going to wait to hear from you. And I'm going to go out and have a big bike ride in the sun. I'm so excited to put my music on. I feel summer is so close. It makes me so happy. Oh, I just sang to you.

How did you like that? So guys, if you love this episode, please do me a solid it really really really helps to get this to more people to help more people to be able to keep on doing it. It's a very big time investment. And I know that it's helping a lot of people so I want to help more.

If you can share this on your socials leave a review that would mean the absolute world to me, I am so grateful for every single person who shares this food gets into my DMs who sends me messages like it means the world and if I can get it to more people and if I can help more women out there who are then helping their kids and we're just doing this together that will make me so so happy. So please share this if you can leave a review and I will speak to you next week. Bye