📝 An unexpected, unplanned Dear Diary. Navigating transitions and change in life and biz 🧭

the coming week. So if you're interested in learning about mindset about emotional intelligence, if you want to become a coach, if you've always dreamed of being a coach, if you're already a coach, but you want more tools in your toolkit, if you're somebody who works with other humans, I feel like this is really the certification for humans who work with humans.

So while I say coaches, aspiring coaches and established coaches, it's also going to be incredible for people who, like teachers, leaders, educators, bosses, it's really going to be just so incredible. And anyway, I didn't mean to go there. But I obviously introduced this podcast incorrectly, because it is not the mind school method. It is the mind school. And I'm gonna be so honest, I have no idea what this episode is going to be. And I guess this is the

whole point. I think this episode today is going to just be a real honest chat about how I'm feeling where I'm at, and how I navigate things in my business. And in my life, when like today, I actually don't feel like it. Like, and it's not just been today, it's been a few days I've had so much. Honestly, I don't know if I'm sick, or if my body's trying to tell me to slow down. But I keep like I had an injury last week, which has never, I haven't not had like a

physical injury. I don't even think I can tell you the last time but my hip blew out last week. And I was in bed for three days in agonising pain, and then my back went funny. And that was leading me to feel nauseous. So I felt really nauseous. And I've just been like, oh, and so the last three days, I've really just been reading so many fiction books, and I've been at the beach and hanging out with friends. And it's been really,

really beautiful. And just being completely honest, I did not want to record today and the last few days and possibly even the last week or two, I have had that feeling of like, I just want to slow down. I just want to slow down, I just want to hit pause. And this is on like a philosophical and almost like deep life lens. Like I just want everything to slow down. But also I just want to physically slow down. And so like on the one hand, I'm I'm just feeling very precious to be honest,

guys. Like I feel like, life is so precious. And I've just been really spending a lot of time thinking about that. And sometimes when I think about how fast life goes, I find myself just being like, Oh, I just want to I want time to pause for a moment. And I think it's I know a lot of people feel this way. But it's like can time just pause and we're so busy. And I hate that word. But I mean, my life is full, like very full in all the perfect ways. Like I love my life. I love my

business, I love everything. But life just is so full. And that can mean that it feels like life is going so fast. And sometimes I'm just like, whoa, slow down, slow down. And in that moment, all I want to do is just be with loved ones I like It's like everything else fades away. Everything else fades out into insignificance. You know, all the things that are important, don't get me wrong are important and are part of my day to day life, like growing my business and building the mind school

method. And we're doing all these incredible things with schools, and I've got courses that I'm teaching and clients to serve. And it's all incredible and perfect things. But also I'm not I'm not ignorant to the fact that also, nothing really matters to me, except for quality time with people I love for and nothing matters to me, other than you know, and I'm contradicting myself, of course, lots of other things matters

matter to me. But the most important thing to me is my time how I spend it, how I feel in it, who I'm with, and and did I love people? And did I, you know, really give everything and be present in the times that it mattered with the people I love? And did I have enough time with the people I love? And there's never enough time ever? That's what I've come up with. There's

never enough time. And yeah, so I've just been in this sort of phase of like, I just want to go home, I just want to go be with mom and dad. I just want to go see my Nana and Pop. I just, I just and I think you know, I've shared a lot on this podcast about the fact that, you know, I've got a few health things going on. And despite the fact that I am not pregnant, and I am

not expecting a baby. I fully believe that I will one day and Paul and I are you know praying and hoping and doing all the right things, making that step closer and closer. Every month. We're sort of working on things so that we can grow our family and I think on one level like I've unconsciously been preparing for that phase of life and it's already making me really sort of want to slow down And, like, I'm not a mom yet, I'm not pregnant. And yet, I still feel this almost like

transitioning or softening. And it's really fucking beautiful. And it's also quite confronting. And so I actually, I'm actually just going to talk and you know what I already feel better just from hitting record. And this is a very different kind of episode, it's not one that I've really done like this before, I guess, it kind of feels like a

deer diary. So stick with me, because I guess the intention here is just that you can sort of come along for and you might resonate with any of the things that are coming up for me, and you might take something from it yourself, or just know that you're not alone, but also have a bit of an insight into how I mentally process things and how I work through things and, and maybe that will be helpful for

you too. So it is really just a Dear Diary, there is no intention here, there is really just, this is what's going on for me at the moment. And this is how I navigate it. And hopefully there'll be some nuggets for you, and something that might be able to help you if any of this is relevant. So the first thing is obviously, like, like I said, I didn't feel like recording today, I really

didn't. And I know that this comes up for a lot of people who have businesses, and it's not like I see my podcast as a business as a business thing, because it is almost like a hobby as well. But of course, it's related to my business. And it does support my business. A lot of clients who find me find me through this. And so I do see it as a business activity. And I speak to a lot of clients who sometimes are also struggling with like, do I honour my feelings of I just don't feel

like it today? Or do I show up? Because I want to be consistent. And it's something that I promised myself? I do. And sometimes you've just got to move through it. And I totally understand that. Like, I totally understand that sometimes it's almost difficult to know which route is the correct and there's no correct but which route is the best for you to take? Do you honour your feelings around things that you don't want to

do? Or do you push through. And as you can obviously tell by the fact that you're listening to this podcast, I usually, usually and there will be some definite, like exceptions to this rule. I usually have my bare minimums and I have those things that will be done no matter what. And my no matter what's really important to me, I don't take those lightly. Because the way that we build confidence and self trust, is through doing things that we said we would do, and not breaking our words to

ourselves. And so I'm big on not making false promises. And that means I don't make a lot of promises unless they're actually promises. And it's a little things for me, but they matter. Like there is not a day that goes by that I don't drink much, at least at least like at a bare minimum, three litres of water, maybe, maybe there's been days where I might have had like two and a half I reckon in the last decade. But there's just not a day that I'm not going to be

hydrated. There's very, very, very, very rarely a day that actually I can't even tell you the last time I think maybe once in the last few years have I ever gone to bed with my phone with me. And I think there was an actual reason for that. But like, there's just standards. And I think it's really important that we have standards. And when those things are standards, it's just like, well, no matter what I brush my teeth no matter what, I drink water no matter what, and I have

my non negotiables. And I do sort of have non negotiables in business to, and my podcast has always been one of them. And that's for multiple reasons. And I can see the benefit in it, I really can. And that's because a it makes me more consistent. Like it helps me to build that narrative that I am a consistent and reliable person. Be. I actually think it's really important. For you guys, even today that I show up honestly, like I wouldn't just not show up

because I'm not feeling it. And because I've got some story that I have to be 110% on all of the time every single week and be a robot in my emotions. That's not how it is either. So, to me showing up when I don't feel like it is also kind of playing into my value of honesty. I value honesty so much and my clients will vouch for this, I am so honest. And that comes out in many ways. But my podcast, I aim to just be honest and to be

real. And if I didn't do a podcast episode this week, because I wasn't feeling like it. I think there was there's also an opportunity just to be real, and to be a leader and to show up here and say like if any of you listen, because you know, and I've heard this I get this feedback all the time, Brianna, thank you, you're like therapist I needed or Brianna you've just made me excited about life again, or I'm inspired again. And that's incredible. And I

love that. But I also don't ever want to put myself on on this to create pressure that that's all I am to people I have to always be on and I have to always be optimistic and I have to always be 1,010% energy on for people to get any value because that is an impossible set standard. That is an impossible standard to set

for myself. And so I think like you can say today and as I just sort of talk this out loud, hitting record and being honest, like I didn't want to do, I didn't feel like being in my teacher archetype. And again, this is where it like it's a bit of self awareness. I can tell what energy is required for me for different things within my business sometimes. And this happened last week, I had to cancel level up because I was

sick. I had to cancel the level up till the the Tuesday night call, which is why I'm in teacher mode, I'm very much on and it's very much an energy of like, right, I'm here to teach there's, there's a lot of energy that comes from me. And it's a very different frequency from when I'm coaching. And I know what's required in both scenarios. So I didn't feel like I had the capacity, for example, to show up and teach, I wasn't at my best to teach, I was just nauseous headache, all the

things. So I didn't. But the next day, I was able to get up and coach and it was absolutely perfect. It's knowing what different things are required of you and what you've got to give that's in a tank, I was going to do an episode that was much more of sort of like a teacher, when I'm teaching something, and I'm going through a process and I'm giving steps and all of that, that requires a different energy. And so I sat here today, and I was like, I don't feel

like teaching. I just feel like talking and just literally having a chat, which is what this is. So I think it's there's a few pieces to this. One, do you do the things that you do the things that you don't want to do? Because you're honouring how you're feeling? Or do you honour the past version of you who said that this was important? And who knows that this is important? And who will feel better for doing it? And the answer is, it depends. Do

you have non negotiables? And can you show up for those non negotiables? Because you actually can and because it will make you feel better. And in this case, this was this was it like, I always do a podcast, I believe my non negotiables in business is to show up marketing wise, you can't just not market and expect sales to come in. So marketing is a non negotiable, my podcast has always been a non negotiable because it was one of those metrics for me of like, I'm just a consistent person.

We're up to 160 episodes now like that's pretty bloody consistent. And it's got nothing to do with metrics. It's got nothing to do with downloads, it's got nothing to do with anything for me other than the fact that this is a non negotiable. And I take that very seriously, in saying that, if I was like, if I had no voice box, if I was dead right now, like so sick, if something huge had happened, if, if there was a tragedy or a crisis or something, of course, I would not do it. Like I'm sorry, I

love you guys. I love you guys for listening. But I would not show up for you if I need like if I truly needed to just not record for a week or two, I just wouldn't. And so I guess for me, at least the way I navigate this is like, Yes, I do honour my feelings. But also I'm very conscious of the fact that you can't honour all your feelings like you actually can't. And I know that that feels probably a bit cold and a bit icy. And there'd be a lot of people that probably disagree with that. And

that's totally fine. I'm absolutely okay with that. But the truth to me is, we have so many and such a wide variety of beautiful emotions every single day there, but they're usually fleeting. And so it's like that age old saying of like, you can't rely on motivation. If you rely on motivation to do things, you're not going to consistently do things to give you the results and the goals and the outcomes that you want. And this is the same thing, you can't honour every single feeling.

Imagine if you set a goal that you are going to, I don't know, just let's say for example, using the gym analogy, you are going to be a fit and healthy person, and you're really focusing on that and you're going to go to the gym, I don't know three times a week. And then the day rolls around and you don't feel motivated if you relied and let your feelings guide you all the time. Sometimes you actually do need to override them. And that's

just the truth. And I've had this I've literally had this exact conversation just in the last few weeks where I was talking to my brother. And just saying about how when you have a business, when you run your own business, you actually do need a whole lot more discipline. Throughout almost all of your day, you're actually exercising until you've set up structures and until you've set things up and you're into a rhythm and

you're into a routine. What often happens in the startup phase, and I wonder how many people can resonate with this. I remember thinking far out like going to my old job when I was a teacher. I remember having lots of days where I'd wake up and I was like, I can't be staffed or like oh, I've got double year sevens today shit. No, I love them. But yeah, you sevens was definitely a lot more

challenging for me. And so I remember having this this sort of feeling some mornings, I was like, Oh, I don't want to and I was like oh, go to the gym, go get the gym done and start feeling better. And then it's like you might be in a little bit of a funk. You might be feeling a little bit grumpy. You might be I don't know PMS and you might have cramps, whatever. You got to show up and teach and the kids deserve that from you. And you don't get to just go oh,

I'm honouring my feelings. I'm calling in sick I'm honouring my feelings, I'm going to be grumpy, I'm honouring my feelings, I'm not bringing my best for these kids, you don't get that you don't get to do that. And what happened every single day was that being at work on those days was the best thing for me. I always felt so much better when I put on my

makeup when I got dressed. When I went and spoke to my colleagues, when I had a laugh with my students, when I just got on with it and started doing the things that I didn't feel

like doing. And I've really brought that through with me, because I have had, I remember, especially in the first year of business, I was like, gosh, it's so you've got to, you've really got to use your discipline a lot more as a business owner, because you're gonna have feelings like regular, normal, cyclical feelings that we have

as humans that pop up. But you don't have a boss that says, Well, you got to be here at eight o'clock, you don't have a class that's waiting for you to let them in from recess, you don't have parents that you've got to be cordial to and put on your best foot, put your best foot forward and communicate with, you don't have all of those, those sort of boundaries and practices and sort of, you don't have any of that in place. And so you've got to be, you've

got to create your own. And if you don't feel like it, there's no boss that saying, Well, you have to there's no class that's looking at you. And so you've often got to really be like pulling yourself and doing the things even though you don't feel like it, even though there's no repercussions for honouring your feelings all the

time. But if you honoured your feelings all the time, you might actually end up feeling worse, because and this is again, just like what what I noticed is that I always felt better by just doing the thing. And it was really great that ended up changing my feelings. And it's like, imagine if I didn't do that, would that feeling just have perpetuated? And so I've kind of brought that along with me too. And I think that's, again, I'd love to know if anyone can resonate with this.

And if you take anything from this, but for me, it's that sometimes I know I feel better by doing the thing. And I can't always honour every single feeling. And in saying that, it's very important that we do notice when there is a consistent feeling that is lurking when there is a feeling and emotion that is just not going away, when there is something that is definitely needing processing and needing

to be addressed, of course. And when there's big things that happen and big experiences and things that actually need to be processed. Of course, we need to honour those things. I'm never saying to gaslight yourself, I'm never saying any of those things. I'm just saying sometimes real emotional intelligence is to be able to do the things despite the emotions and understanding that all emotions are temporary and will move. And all like I said already, like 20 minutes ago, I

was like it. And now I'm like, Cool. We're on. Let's keep talking like this feels fine. So I'm doing the thing anyway. And maybe this is the lesson maybe this is just something that you can take from this, you know, you can do some things when you don't feel like it. And for me, that's kind of how I navigated this particular instance, in saying that last week, I did cancel things I did, I did actually can can a few things that were in my schedule. And that was okay, I was genuinely

sick and not feeling well. So there is times and places. And I guess that's what I'm saying about that. The other thing, I guess if we're doing a date, if we're doing a bit of a Dear Diary, something else that I've really been kind of contemplating and chatting about with a couple girlfriends and just with Paul is like, it's very interesting. I feel like I have two personalities. Actually, I probably have 50,000. But I feel like and I've

This is no secret. I talk about nuance, I talk about contradiction, I talk about duality. And I'm really big on this, I hate putting ourselves in boxes, I really don't like being held to one identity. I'm all about contradiction, and I love to contradict myself. But lately what's been coming up and it feels honestly a little bit confusing sometimes. And it's almost like there is not grief, but like a discomfort with accepting that sometimes the

season has changed. And you've got to let go of the part of you that was sort of steering the ship for so long. And so how this has kind of played out for me recently is that when I talk about my two personalities, I feel like half of me and I looked at my star sign and thought about this it was really interesting because I'm a Pisces son. So Pisces is air, very

emotional. And again, I'm not huge into astrology, but it was just interesting from this context, very kind of whimsical and emotional and very intuitive and maternal and caring and all of those real like, I would say like very creative, all of those sorts of and that's so like loved music, loved poetry, love

all of those things. Very emotional, highly sensitive, very, very Pisces, and that's kind of the one half and that's I think, like the piece of me and the very big part of me I'm like I was raised in a small country town with a very big family where family is everything like the simple life is the life and I could easily just go camping and never wear shoes again and throw away all technology and probably be pretty bloody fulfilled. Because

it was it is a great life. And I come from a family of really, like, just the simple things are the best things. And the best things in life are free and, and there's ambition, but it's not like from this hustle energy. It's like a slower pace. And I love that. And I think that's the half of me that's like, very, and this is what's

happening. Like, Paul and I are talking a lot about family life and what kind of parents we will be and what and I'm sort of preparing my body and my mind, and I'm doing all of these things to prepare myself to be a mother. And with that, I almost feel this softening. And there's that part of me that wants to come out that's a lot slower. And I have these polls, and I like, do we want to move to the

country? Like, do we want to just buy some land, and I'm like, oh, every now and then there's this part of me that's like, Oh, my God, I could easily like sell everything and get rid of technology. Like, I could do that and just live a really simple life. And I actually find that very appealing in some ways. Like, there is such a big part of me that is just so simple, and just yearns for that. But then my fire sign, my Saj rising, and the other part of me that is just fucking

relentless. And like, has so much I always had this feeling that like, there's more, there's more, there's more to do, there's more to do, I want to keep like impacting people and growing my business and hiring, hiring staff and like ambitious and big energy, like I'm very extroverted, I love big energy. And I love all of that and goal setting. And that real masculine, me, I'm very comfortable there. I love it.

And so what I've sort of been not battling with but just contemplating recently is like, there's oppositional energies, and I love both. And I want both and maybe and again, I'm just literally talking out loud, I don't even know yet. But potentially, I'm going into a season, which is more of that Slow, simple, spacious maternal part of me that wants to resurface. And that's beautiful. And maybe that's just the season I might be moving into. And I

subconsciously feel that. And what that brings up is almost like discomfort. Because I've spent the last ever I've spent a long time being like in the last four years growing not even four years three and a bit years, growing this business, I've been like in that ambitious fire energy, like let's get shit done. Let's keep moving, let's

do things. And I. So like, so fortunate and so grateful to my past self that I did build a business where I was very aware of this the nature of myself, which is sometimes I might like to just not not do much at all for a while and actually go camping and go off the grid for a month at a time. Like that's very within my, it's very possible that I would do that. And so I built a business that gave me flexibility and

adaptability, and fluidity. But what's sort of really interesting at the moment is that I'm sort of not yet in either, like I'm not yet in that season, and I'm not ready to go full into like, I guess what it would feel like is like the mother season, which again, I'm like, I'm not even pregnant, but it's just all these unconscious layers that I'm like unpeeling and preparing for that I'm not yet there. I would love to be,

but I'm not there. But it's making me think like, oh, I'm sort of in these in between seasons, where I'm balancing the

both. And sometimes it does feel like oppositional or like, push pull energy all at once, which can feel and I again, like I just want to share this because it might resonate for some of you, it can feel confusing, and it can feel a little bit like, I don't know, which part like parts of your conflict or parts of you're at war, you know, and in NLP, we actually have a technique for this, you guys want to sign up for the mind school. But we actually have a technique for this. And it's

called parts integration. And it's bringing these parts of you that you see as oppositional and bringing them into wholeness and seeing if they can coexist, and how they can coexist. So that's kind of what I'm doing at the moment, I'm sort of creating this space for me to see where all of my pieces can coexist and what that might look like. And like I said, it's so cool that I've been able to build a business that supports me in whichever season I'm in and I can dial it up and I can dial it

back. And I can do all of these cool things. And I can go I can go home and be with my family. And if that's the season I'm in, I can do that. Like, again, beautiful, beautiful part of owning an online coaching

business. And another reason why I'm so excited to teach the mind school method because I want to give people this flexibility to create and design and this is what I'm all about, right like this is level up your life I created level up your life so that people could design their life and not live by default.

And I think the coaching business that I've created and now that I'll help other people create with the mind school method, it allows us to design our life and right now I'm just in this weird phase of in between is how it feels. It's kind of like I always use the analogy of being in the bush. So the marshes before a butterfly becomes a butterfly. It's in them Wash, it's in a cocoon, like it was once just it was once a caterpillar. And it's not now a caterpillar, but it's not

quite a butterfly. And it doesn't know that it's meant to become a butterfly. But it's in this holding, it's, it's in the middle, and it's just the bush, and the bush is beautiful. But sometimes it feels a little bit like what is going on. That's kind of how I feel I've got these oppositional and they're not oppositional again, because everything coexists beautifully

for a reason. But it's like, what I'm, what I'm sitting with at the moment is how do I make these oppositional parts exist at the same time and without being at war, without the it needing to be a problem? So how can I create my life, design my life, design my business, in a place where I may want to be a very present, I don't, again, it's making all these decisions based

on unknowns, right? It's making decisions, like, I don't know what kind of mum I will be, I don't know how present I will like want to be, I might want to come straight back to work straightaway, I don't know. But I'm giving myself freedom. But then I'm also making decisions right now, based on a lot of unknowns. And so all I can do is work with what I've currently got, and change and adapt as things grow and evolve, because the only constant in life is change. And I've known that for

a long time. So just as you start to get really comfortable in something, you're going to find that there's a new place to go, there's something else to uncover, there's something new you want. That is just the cyclical nature of us as humans. And so what I'm in is creating a business right now for what I currently want, and designing it in a way where I can let both parts of my personality and my values and my lifestyle wants to

both be possible. So I'm just sort of sitting with what would it look like if I could have both. And that gets to be one way to do it when you feel like you've got oppositional sort of frequencies within you or once within you. And you do want both? And that feels very true to you like you want both? And that if that feels like your truth, then I would start to contemplate as I have, what would it look like to have both? What if both could coexist? How would that be and start to just

play around with that? The other thing is, it is also possible that maybe it's actually just that you are starting to transition out of a version of yourself to become someone new. And that actually can feel like a little bit of discomfort and grief and loss. And it's like, oh, maybe I'm just not that person anymore. And what I want now is so different to what I thought I wanted. And that brings up a whole new load of like, oh, what does this mean about me? Who am I, you lose

your identity. And this is where it's almost like, if you're in the mosh and you're in that becoming phase of building yourself to create something new to be someone new, it's also very common that what might come up is a bit of sadness or confusion or loss, because it's an identity of it's a rebuilding, it's a rebuilding of

what's important to you. And it's almost uncomfortable to admit that the things that you thought you once wanted, you don't want the things that you said were really important to you are actually just not. And so that can come with its own sort of stuff, which is really just like a transition of an old part is just not there anymore. And that's okay, it still exists within you. And you can still

call it back as you need to. But maybe it's just coming to terms with the fact that like, actually, I don't really care for that anymore. I don't want that I'm different. I've changed and seeing what comes up there. So I think there's like two ways that this can come about when you feel different parts of you at quote, conflict. It's like, okay, if it feels like you really do want two things at once, can they coexist? And can

you make that work? Or is it actually that it's it's actually just letting go of one thing and seeing if that's actually the issue here? Like it's, it's more of a, it's not so much I want to things it's i I'm saying goodbye to one thing, and that feels really hard. That's the closing of a chapter and that feels hard. So it could be either I'm not sure. And I don't even know if you would resonate with being in the mosh, but I'm sure well, I know as a human, you've definitely felt the mush before.

It's like that contraction before you expand before you go grow your butterfly wings. And so that's kind of where I'm at. This is the diary that I didn't feel like I didn't even know I was recording. So I like I said, I think what's come of this is honour your feelings to an extent. But also know that sometimes feelings are fleeting. And the best thing you can do is follow through on your non

negotiables. And then the other piece is if you're like me, and you're sort of in an in between phase and it could also be like it's just the end of the year and it's just for me also, like I'm just so ready to take some time off and it's been a really big year. It's been so intense, so hectic that I just can feel that I'm going into a season of exhale. And that feels really, really good. So again, what that means is I'm just getting things

ready. I'm just preparing for the future that I want to have and that means I'll put Really spend the next month or two batching getting everything ready so that I'm ahead so that I can really honour that feeling of wanting to just enjoy summer. So this is just a big Dear Diary, I would love to know if this dear diary is of any use to you if you resonate with any of it. If any of it has helped you, I might actually start thinking about doing some deep diary style podcasts more frequently.

But that's all for me today. I hope you're having a great November and I will see you next week. Bye.