204 The One Feeling to Shape Your Success

passionate about. It's fall, maybe you're listening to this, it's January, or you're about to embark on a new project. I like these new beginnings, but right now it's fall, and I know that a lot of us are starting new seasons, starting school semesters, and fall always feels like a new beginning. For me, it's very interesting. You know, it's very fresh, and we have these goals, it's easy to be motivated. But how does one stay

motivated? It's not always that easy, and there is one emotion in particular that can really help you stay motivated and navigate stumbling blocks, navigate when things get rough, and keep moving forward. And that feeling is willingness, and that's what I want to talk to you today. I want to talk to you about what willingness is, where it comes from. How do we nurture it? What happens when we don't feel willing to do something? So we're going to cover all of that today, because willingness can

really be a game changer. It can be completely changing things on how you pursue one goal, and it can change everything in your life as well. So let's talk about this first What do I mean by willingness? Well, I pulled out a few definitions, and you're going to forgive me while I look at my notes here, because I did not memorize them, a general definition of willingness could be is a quality or state of being

prepared to do something. I think we all understand that we're prepared to do something, we're willing to do something. Willingness is a readiness or inclination to do something. It generally implies a voluntary attitude, a voluntary attitude or openness toward a task or situation. Here are a few nuanced definitions that I've brought for you. So again, general definition willingness refers to the state of being prepared or eager, eager, compelled, feeling compelled to

do something. It highlights a voluntary approach, often marked by enthusiasm or consent. You see all these words, consent, feeling compelled, voluntary. This is willingness. Nothing is forced, nothing is imposed on you. You do it on your own free will. A psychological definition could be willingness. Often refers to the readiness to embrace discomfort or challenges, particularly when pursuing goals or making personal growth. It emphasizes openness to experiences, even if

they are difficult or unpleasant. We're going to talk a lot about that today from a motivational perspective, willingness can also indicate the motivation or drive to engage in activities that are essential for achieving a desired outcome, desired outcome reflecting a proactive attitude, also In the context of coaching or self development. Willingness is often linked to the mindset necessary for growth and overcoming personal obstacles. It implies not just passive

acceptance, but an active engagement in the process. For me, willingness means that you have a deeply rooted desire to do something, to become something, to accomplish a goal, to reach something. And you have the will to do what it takes to get there, but you have agency. Willingness, for me, implies agency. You're in charge, or I'm in charge of my own actions. I feel compelled to take actions even when they're uncomfortable.

I'm compelled to do the things that are scary. I'm compelled to do the things that are difficult, because I am so deeply committed to the outcome. And willingness is a feeling that when we can tap into it, and I'll show you how to do that today, when we can nurture it, we have such great chances of reaching goals, of creating a life that is what we want. So a lot of us can be, at times, if not, often, living by default.

Right? We follow society's expectations. Sometimes we follow someone else's blueprint, what our parents want, what our teachers want, what we think is the right thing to do. Right? We often search for answers outside ourselves. We don't know what we truly want. And I can really identify this, because I can say that this is a little bit what was going on early on in my career. I I had a vague idea of what I wanted. I knew I wanted to be a violinist, but I didn't have a clear idea of what I

really, really wanted. And I also never really knew that I could look for that, that I could ask myself these questions, what do I want? What do I want my life to look like? Where do I want to live? Who do I want to be with? I sort of followed the advice that my parents gave me, that my teachers gave me, that my older colleagues gave me, and it's only later in life that I developed this attitude of looking for questions to ask myself that would lead to

answers, And to start following these answers. So the game changer is willingness in this because it is not easy to look for these answers. So willingness is driven by purpose, and that really starts by going within first, by being willing to ask difficult questions by being willing to pay attention to the answers, by being willing to face the truth.

Because some of these answers are not necessarily going to be what we expect or what we want, because it might go against the grain, against what we're seeing around us, against what our family, friends, our surroundings, what they're expecting of us. So some of these answers might be difficult. It's being willing to make decisions that align with these desires, decisions that align with your values,

decisions that align with your goal, not always easy, right? So when we find our purpose, when we have that willingness to go in to look inward, to find the answers and to listen to these answers, this is when we can start to make intentional decisions, because these goals are meaningful. The other thing that we want to do also is look at the deep desire behind the desire. Why do you want to be a musician? Why do you want to be an athlete? Why do you want that specific job? Why do you want to

live in this city? What is the deep desire behind the desire? Because when you know what you want and you love your reasons for wanting it, nothing will stop you. So you want to know what you want and you have to love your reasons for wanting it. This is when you can start making intentional choices. So ask yourself questions. What is it that you want? Who do you want to be, what do you want to do? Where do you want to live? Do you want to win an audition? Do you want to start a concert

series? Do you want to record an album. Do you want to apply for a teaching position? Maybe you want to actually pivot in an entirely different field? But that's a very scary decision, so ask yourself, be willing to go there. Ask the questions next, when we know what we want when we love the reasons why we want it, and we're about to embark on going after it. This is when willingness really kicks in, and willingness only comes from a deeply rooted desire to get somewhere, to get something, to

accomplish something. I saw this quote the other day that really resonated. Everyone wants to be successful until they see what it takes. Right? So many people we see out there, and it's easy to envy them, successful athletes, successful musicians, brilliant scientists, but we often. Forget everything they had to do to get there. And a lot of us don't always have the willingness to go after it, but oftentimes we're not willing to go after it because we're not connected to the deeply rooted

desires that we have. So that's why we start by looking in. But willingness means that once you know what it is that you want means that you are willing to invest yourself into it. You're willing to invest your energy, you're willing to invest your effort, you're willing to invest your emotions, oftentime, you'll invest your money. It's what we do when we go to school, when we acquire equipment, when we pay for coaching, right? So willingness means you're willing to invest yourself into

something fully, and you're willing to do what it takes. So are you willing to do the work that aligns with those goal, right? I'm talking aligns with those goal because willingness, once again, is voluntary. You feel compelled. I almost feel like the willing, feeling willing and feeling compelled is very similar. We want to do these things. We're willing. We're compelled to search for solutions when obstacles arrive, we're willing to make sacrifices for long term fulfillment. We're

willing to spend time, effort, energy, to get it. So I'll give you an example. If you want to win an audition, what are you willing to do to win this audition? Are you willing to listen to advice, to practice in an organized way to get information on how to practice better. Maybe hire a coach that will help you be more successful in this audition. Are you willing to pay for the equipment that you need to travel to get there, pay for rehearsal with a piano, collaborative piano? Are

you willing to skip on hanging out with friends. Are you willing to keep going when you start to doubt? Are you willing to go through the fear, through the uncertainty? Are you willing to cope with all of the thoughts and emotions that will come as you're on this journey of preparing for this audition? Same thing with a studio. If you start a studio with lots of students, are you willing to cope with all of the responsibilities and effort that's going to come with that?

Are you willing to deal with difficult parents? Are you willing to deal with all of the obstacles that come with, owning the studio, recording an album, all of these things. I mean, I'll give you another example. Is when I wanted to do a doctorate. I had that deeply rooted desire to pursue a

doctorate. And at the time, I had a toddler, and I was about to give birth to my second child, and I lived kind of far from the school, and I was already working, and I was kind of busy, but I had this deeply rooted desire to pursue that specific doctorate, that specific school with this specific topic in mind of mindful practice. I was deeply passionate about it. I was deeply desiring it, and because of that, I was willing to do whatever it take. I remember

someone was telling me, it doesn't really look doable. I mean, a toddler, a newborn, long commute, all the work. How's that going to work? And I told this person, make a list of all of the obstacles. I'm going to find a such I'm going to find a solution. I'm going to figure it out commute. I'll organize my schedule. I'll be very meticulous with how I plan my days so I can save my energy. I'll be meticulous with how I plan my studying, how when I do my homework. I'll be meticulous

with my course choice. I'll be really present in class. I'm going to manage my energy. I'm going to manage what I eat and when I'm tired. I'm going to keep going when I'm uncomfortable. I'm going to keep going when I'm nervous, when I'm

stressed out, I'm going to keep going. And I can tell you it was hard a newborn, a toddler, lung commutes, work, I got sick, I got tired, I got stressed out, but I was always deeply committed to the end result, and that had me willing to do whatever It took to get it done, whatever it took, to get all of the knowledge that I needed to meet all of the deadlines, because I was deeply connected to my goal and I desired it deeply. I consciously, intentionally decided to be

willing to do whatever it took. I. Knew it was going to be uncomfortable, I knew it was going to be hard, and I was willing to go through this to find out if I could get it done, to find out what I was made of. And that was really amazing. So willingness is what kept me going through now someone could talk about motivation, yes, motivation is a great emotion, but motivation comes and goes. It's willingness that keeps you

going when things get tough. So the power of willingness is that it keeps you going when motivation is low and you have to stay connected with your goal. So willingness, once again, you're in charge. You have agency, because you know what you want, and you go after it. The type of language that you use when you're in willingness is, I want to, I choose to. And that's because you have a clarity of purpose, and you know that it's up to you to take action to create the

reality that you want. Once again, preparing for an audition, think of what athletes have to do to prepare for the Olympics, all of the sacrifice, all of the hard work, the investment of energy, emotions, money, all of it. Another example taking care of a child. I know that several of you listening to the podcast are parents. Let's talk about willingness to help our children thrive. How willing are we to

help them thrive? I am willing to do whatever it takes to help my children thrive and be happy and evolve into great members of society. So this willingness is what allows me to show up to attend to a sick child through the night, to do all of the things that are required, even when it's scary and uncomfortable and time consuming, right? Launching a business, same thing. So just know that willingness is what

keeps you going when things are tough. There's a quote that I love by Susan David, who's a researcher, and she says discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life. Discomfort is the price of a mission to a meaningful life, because the journey will rarely be easy. There's going to be

obstacles, there's going to be stumbling blocks. But you know that when you face the discomfort, when you face the fear, when you face the stress, you're willing to go through it, you're willing to experience it, then you become the person who meets your goal. That reaches your goal, and willingness also means that you know what your boundaries are. We want to protect our physical our mental and emotional health, that is part of willingness as well. So we're going to be willing to

work hard, but we're going to work smart. We're going to be willing to work passing our own limits, but we're going to do that with alignment. We're going to work with intention, and I'm going to do effective work, so all our energy is spent the right way. But it's even more than that. Take the example of Simone Biles, who quit the Olympics in 2020 to protect her mental health and her physical health, and look at what it did for her. The journey was not easy. She faced a lot of

criticism. She faced a lot of shame. It took willingness for her to make these difficult decisions, because she was thinking long term. She was committed to a long term vision, which was herself thriving, and sometimes that looks different than what we think. So as you know that you're willing to do whatever it's going to take, at times, doing what it takes, means to stop, to back up, to realign, to go back to the source, to reconnect with the purpose, and maybe pivot if

necessary. So we want to focus on long term thriving, not necessarily short term success, and never sacrifice a long term thriving for short term success. We want to prevent burnout. We want to protect the asset. A great book essentialism, where the author talks about the asset, nurturing the asset. That's you. How are you going to protect nurture this asset so it thrives long term? Because that is. A way to achieve your

meaningful goal, your life's purpose. So what are the boundaries and are you willing to do what it takes to protect them? Maybe that's going to mean at times, to say no to people, say no to opportunities. Think of Hillary Hahn, who had to deal with an injury recently and had to back out of a few concerts so

that she could heal properly. That's not easy, but this is someone who is willing to do what it takes to thrive long term, and in this way, serving her long term mission, instead of falling into this trap of trying to keep everybody happy in the short term, right? So we want to make the difficult choices that serve the ultimate goal. We want to think long term, and that's not always easy, so be willing to know what the boundaries are and to follow your instinct with this. And

that's a dial that we need to constantly adjust. There are times in pursuing a goal where we might feel physically exhausted, and if we know that, we can sustain that for a little bit, it might be okay to keep going, but then we might get a signal that, no, this is too much now this is no no longer safe, then we have to be willing to pay attention to the signals

when it's time to slow down, when it's time to realign. And those signals are going to be great, because at times, they're going to tell you that you're going into the wrong direction, that you're not, in fact, heading toward your goal, but you're hearing on the side, on the tangent. So are you willing to pause, to look, to reassess, to realign, and do what it takes

to serve your long term purpose? So this is also part of willingness is to have the boundaries that are going to support our asset, our physical health, emotional health, mental health. Let's talk briefly about why we're not willing at times, totally okay to not be willing, totally normal, also to not feel willing. This is why we have to stay in touch with the deeper purpose. So why we're not willing at times, sometimes we don't even want the result. We don't genuinely want it, but we

might go after it because we think society want us to. Maybe our parents wants us to. I mean, some people pursue degrees in fields they're not interested in because they think they should, and that is not serving you long term. You might work hard, you might be willing to make a lot of sacrifices because you feel like it's what you should do, but this could ultimately lead to burnout, not always, of course. So sometimes, if you're not willing to do something, ask yourself, Is it because I'm not

committed to the result? Maybe you don't really want it, and that's an important question to ask yourself, and you have to be willing to listen to the answer. Second one. Second one is, maybe you don't want it enough. Maybe you're not willing to pay the price. Maybe it's not worth it to you, and that's okay. If the price is not worth it to you, you never have to go after it.

Don't make yourself feel guilty, find your next goal, find the one that is worth it to you, and go after that one, it's going to feel so much better. Another reason why we're not willing at times is that we might want the result, but our mismanaged mind gets in the way. We don't believe that we can accomplish it, we create stories that make us doubt our ability to do it, and we think that even if I put in the effort, it might not work. And when you do that, it usually becomes a self

fulfilling prophecy. I'll give you another example related to the doctorate. For the longest time, when I was very young, I thought that only theory wizards could do doctorates, and I'm decent at theory, but I'm not a wizard, by no means. So in my mind, I wanted, I really wanted to do a doctorate, but I didn't believe that I could accomplish it because I wasn't a theory wizard. I thought I had pretty much everything else. I just wasn't theory wizard.

And then one day, this thought entered my mind, but what if I could figure it out? What if you don't have to be a wizard? What if I could figure it out? And once that thought entered my mind, that was it. No more barriers, and then I was really committed to my deepest desire, which was to go after this doctorate. So you see how your own thoughts get in the way of your deepest desires at times. This is why coaching is so important for me. It's. Helps, the help of coaches, of wise

guides, that I'm able to see my own self imposed limitations. So what is it that you deeply desire, but you think you might not be able to accomplish? What is it that you truly want, but you're you doubt in your ability to succeed? This is worth investigating. So if there's something that you think you want and you don't feel willing explore, is it because you

actually don't genuinely want it? Maybe you don't want it enough, and also maybe you do want it, but there's some thought errors in there, there's doubt, self imposed limitations, and by questioning those doubts that could open the doors for you to go after it, right? So when we have this fear of failure, when we don't trust our ability to accomplish something,

we do fail ahead of time by not even going after it. So if there's something that you really want but you doubt your ability to get there, I would investigate that a little bit. So how do we cultivate willingness? Let's talk about this. The first way is to begin with connecting with your deepest desire and ask yourself these questions, you nurture willingness by starting with willingness, the willingness to ask question and the willingness to listen to the answers, like I

said at the beginning. And you want to stay connected with this goal and this purpose, keep it close by in writing, surround yourself with in things that inspire you in that direction, maybe visual reminders. Then create a plan. Create a step by step plan of what could help you reach this goal, and with every obstacle that shows up, find a solution. Another thing that you want to do is to really stay focused on the journey. Reaching the goal is amazing, but you're living your life right now in

this present moment. You are in the journey right now, and there's going to be difficult moment, there's going to be wonderful moment. Welcome all of these, all of these emotions. They're part of it. So stay focused on their journey, and that's going to help you stay sustained on reaching your goal. Another way that we cultivate willingness is by managing our mind. Look into your brain journal. Look at what you're thinking when you see a limiting thought. Question, it, doubt it.

See if the opposite could also be true, and maybe seek guidance, maybe get coaching, maybe ask for advice, and throughout the entire journey, seek help, mentors, people who've done this before, family members that can offer support. So this is how you stay connected, with willingness. This is how you cultivate it, by knowing what your purpose is, by having a plan, by focusing on the journey, by managing your mind and by seeking help when needed, and remember that

willingness comes from alignment with your deepest desires. When you're willing, you're compelled to do things because you know where you want to go, where you want to be. So in conclusion, I highly encourage you to see willingness as a feeling that you can intentionally cultivate by looking inward, by looking at what it is that you want, what it is that you want to be, what it is that you want to accomplish, and by understanding

that willingness means that you are in charge. You decide, you choose to take action, and don't forget to set healthy boundaries on the way to accomplish your goals. So I have one call to action for you. I'm going to ask you to look back at a moment in your life when you felt willing to do what it takes. I'm sure you've had a moment like this where you had a goal and you just you did crazy things to accomplish it. You felt motivated. You were willing

to take action. What was it and then put yourself back in that place and ask yourself, what was I feeling? What was I thinking? What was the spark that kept that willingness, that motivation going? What is it that compelled me to take ash action after action, even when things got tough, go back there so that you can recapture that and think about now, is there something in your life that you want to accomplish right now and try to see if you can map that past

situation to your current situation? What. What is it that you think you would need to feel and think and believe, to feel compelled to take action, to feel willing to move forward, to feel willing to do what it takes when it gets tough. So why would you need to feel and think and believe? And then finally, what are some areas where you can cultivate more willingness in

your life? So you're you have to make a tough decision, you're facing uncomfortable truth, or maybe you need to set a boundary and know that the willingness to dig in and know and your willingness to show up and do the work and protect your well being is what will make this year truly a flourishing one for you. So my friends tap into the power of willingness and let me know how that works for you.

And there you have it. Thank you so much for joining me today. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with friends and fellow musicians. Grab a screenshot, share it on social media and tag me. I'm mind overfinger on all platforms, and I would love to hear what your favorite takeaways were. Don't forget to follow the podcast on Spotify or Apple podcasts, and if you're enjoying and learning from the show, leaving a five star review

is a wonderful way to support us. You can also watch the mind over finger podcast on YouTube, and if you have questions, comments about the podcast, or ideas for guests and topics, drop them in the comment section there on YouTube, I do read all of them for more tools, tips and inspiration, click the link in the show notes to subscribe to my newsletter and get everything

delivered straight to your inbox. Finally, if you're looking for more resources or personal support that enhance your playing, advance your career or create a more fulfilling and purposeful life, head over to mindoverfinger.com you're going to find a substantial library of free downloads, links to my online courses and information on how to work with me, whether in a group setting, inside my amazing music mastery Experience Program, or through private one

on one coaching. I'm here for you until next time. Much love going your way and à bientôt.