Ep. 442: Comedy Isn't Easy with Dan Ahdoot

Hey, if you're an extremely careful listener to the show here, you probably remember us talking about my friend Tommy, known as the blue collar Scholar, has a I didn't know this was the thing that one could have. He has a wild cow milking team. It's a rodeo event. He reached out to us to sponsor his wild cow milking team. So me Eater is a sponsor of Tommy's wild cow

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All right, Dan, a dude is back. Add a dude in a boot? What do you got a boot on? I broke my ankle man rollerbladingt No?

The next best thing, Steve Yeah?

Skiing? Oh really yeah? I know.

I get no pity or sympathy when I say that I broke my ankle skiing?

No, what do you think is gonna happen?

Did you get to ride the cart down the mountain? Y?

Yes? I did.

It was my arms were crossed, I was laying down and someone was holding the sled and.

Taking me down.

It you had to feel like such a candy, yeah, because they lock your arms and you're like, you're like a little burrito, and they're like.

All their training is coming into action.

I don't even think Gwyneth Paltrow had had take the cart down.

Do you want to hear the craziest thing.

It was the same mountain as Gwyneth Paltrow and the guy that brought me down was involved in that court case. So did you asked him what he thought about the whole thing? I mean, he was team hashtag team Gwyneth.

You guys got to fill me in. I'm not up on Gwyneth.

I didn't know about this.

She hit an old man or an old man hit her, and I think some accusations where that he groped her too.

I didn't hear that part. I think it was decided during the during the impact.

So she that's the fan fiction version of the case. I don't know. That's not actually true.

Guy's fallen real tried to sue her.

No, no, no, she initially thought she was being groped, but then she realized she was being crashed into.

Yeah, perhaps he sued her for a bunch of money. Then she countersued him for a dollar.

I think it was the same day that Trump the Trump got arrested or whatever, So like I kind of got washed out of news.

But I wouldn't say that he got right.

Yeah, that's why I trying to frame it was your injury due to a collision or just your.

Own bad anybody on the way down.

Yes, I was, and it's harder to do that, or did you just start with your own accord? You know what's really annoying? It was not at all. So I was skiing with my brother and my brother. I'm a I'm gonna say objectively, I'm an amazing skier. Objectively, my brother is a pretty good skier. But well, why do you think you're such a good skill?

I just know.

I bet you're not better than Yannie.

I mean, we've never skied together, how would we not?

Well, maybe he rates Yannis is amazing.

Plus, yeah, you're so good, so good. My brother not as good? Pretty good, not as good. But he was going really fast, and it was like very reckless the way he was skiing. So I wanted to show him as the older brother. Hey, it's a sign of mastery when you can ski very controlled on a steep run. Let me show you. So we were on a steep run and I started skiing very controlled, and there was one of those you know, those little tiny water bottles like that give you on the airplane getting it on

Great skier, weak ankles, to use disposable water, no plastics.

Thing cost you that freaking ankle.

They got me described this run that you were skiing. I'm going to get an idea of how good of a skier you are.

Okay, So it's it was like it was a double green. It wasn't a single green. It was a double green.

Making a joke.

I'm making a joke that No, it was a it was a challenging run at Deer Valley.

It was not.

It wasn't wasn't the problem was this, They got so much snow this season that their season is going a lot longer than it normally does because they just have so much packed snow.

So it's a lot hotter.

So by one pm everything is slush, and slush is very dangerous to ski in.

So why are you talking to He doesn't give you that. I don't know. Did you know that? I don't know what they do in Latvia? There's no mountains in Latvia.

No. I went to the tallest point Latvia when I went and visited last fall, three hundred meters. You know how many feet feet that is?

Yeah?

Yeah, not many. We we parts and literally we're still chatting, and all of a sudden we stopped. I'm like, I look around, this is it? I mean it was a moil is incredible. Nicks Michigan's Thotle, Southern Michigan's little ski hills look big.

Uh yeah, hit a little water bottle and knocked you over.

It took me out, took me out, and then I went.

To, uh, your fingerprint, that bottle watches that same guy that had the fingerprinted and it comes back as that same He was like some kind of.

Physician, wasn't he? He was an eye doctor. The same eye doctor?

Is that?

Or he when he blasted Gwyneth Paltrow blasted so hard that came out of her pocket that.

I would consult Gwyneth's people.

I feel awkward to say goop on it.

I would counter water bottle goop.

I yeah. But then the skip.

The nurse thought that it was just bruised. He was like, a bruise, You're fine, Just go home, You'll be okay. And then I called my buddy Mow, who's a North Peak surgeon. On the way home.

He's like, he's like, dude, I think it's broke. Let me give you give me one second. Yeah.

Dan A Dude is a comedian, actor, podcaster, food network show host, now author.

His new book is called Undercooked.

He was on a Long Time Ago in an episode called Eating with Your Enemy, the enemy being his friend Moe, where you and a Muslim go hunt. All you gotta do is right the rest of that joke. I finally tell I tell my kids that I was going to teach him all the dirty dirt, the dirty Dan jokes once they got their learner's permits.

It seemed like a good age for driving. But I told him the don't mess with Uncle Jimmy when he's drinking the other night that went over real, Well, how what is it again?

So okay, I don't know anything.

Just tells you about okay.

Sounds it sounds just exasperated.

When Dirty Dan is, he gets in a lot of trouble at school for his foul mouth and his uh you know. And so Dirty Dan's and the day the day's lesson in Dirty Dan's classes, you have to tell a story that has a moral. So you know, a little Susie gets up and she's like, my dad tore his seam on his jacket a little bit.

It was too lazy to sew it up. And then she caught it on a he caught it on a branch and it now it's a huge hole. And she's like, what's the moral of that story? It's like, well, stitch in time saves nine, okay, And then you do one like my dad.

We were pick collecting the eggs and we put them on one basket and my brother knocked the basket over, So don't put all your eggs and they all broke. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. And Dirty Dan gets up and tells this horrific story about his uncle in Vietnam, and it involves his uncle getting extraordinarily drunk.

I'm always drinking.

But a long joke. It's when you tell the thing.

Yes, yes, what we're trying to say here, guys, is comedy is not easy.

The moral of So what Phil said when Phil said, we know Mo, it's because when Dan a dude was on the show before, we spent a lot of time talking about his Muslim hunting buddy.

Mo.

Yeah, that was a great story and how they.

Have and how the Israelis and the pal whoever around the world could find a lot of inspiration from this story.

Uh yeah, And I mean, I don't know if if you're aware. I think I probably did tell you, but you that episode is the whole reason that this book happened, wouldn't have happened to me that?

Yeah, one hundred percent. So what blurb this book? You did? Blurb this book?

Every time someone asked me the blurb a book, I always think I'm going to write them. I think I'm going to like spend weeks on it and write the most amazing like where the blurb is better than the book.

Yeah, a New York Times best selling blurb.

Yeah, yeah, like people will buy it to read the blurb. Ye. And then in the end, I wrote, I.

Just kind of put it in chat GPT.

Yeah.

So I did the episode and my manager listened to it and she was like, this is a crazy story. You should write a movie about your friend Mo. You and you and your friend Mo do like a buddy comedy. So I wrote an outline for a movie and it was was really crappy, and she was like, why don't you just do some free writing, write about why you love food so much?

Who told you do this?

My manager? Your manager told you to do some free writing, she said, do some free writing. Like I was in sixth grade.

Yeah, you could go down and do that at my kid's school. Those guys. Yeah, free writing.

Do some free writing daydream for ten minutes beforehand. Then then you do some free writing.

Writing means that happened to you this summer, free writing, meaning you don't get paid for it, exactly.

She did not get ten percent of that free writing. And I wrote this whole story that about you know, growing up and my relationship with my dad and why I got into food and all this stuff. She's like, this is cool, but it doesn't feel like a movie. It could be like a chapter of a book.

Can you write?

Do you have two more chapters in you? So I wrote two more chapters.

Got your manager's like, motherly.

She's awesome, she's killer Aaron Brown, shout out. And so one chapter was my relationship with my dad. The second one was about returning a dish at the number one restaurant in the world the day that it was crowned the number one restaurant in the world, which was true story.

And then you know.

And then the third one was about buying a gun in a gun store. And what you have to go through is someone, for someone who doesn't know anything about guns, being in a gun store, it's like the worst experience ever. Anyway, So I wrote those three. She sent it to a LID agent. Lid agent was like, these are good chapters, and a month later pitched it to Crown Publishing and there was like a bidding war with two different publishers

Authors, I'm not a book writer.

And yeah, then I spent the whole year writing this book, all because of your podcast.

So how did your manager and the agent split the cut?

They didn't. She didn't pull ten into the agent pulled fifteen.

Hold on, Steve, before we get into that, I feel like you need to get better at accepting praise. Okay, is this something that happens a lot in your life? I was saying, I was thanking you, Oh, I'm sorry for and then you're like, what's the cut?

What is the agent?

Manager?

Let's get down to brass tacks.

I'm thanking you for creating this platform which created the space to create this book.

So thank you. Oh you're welcome.

Yeah, all right now, agent gets ten percent, manager gets another ten percent, lawyer gets five percent. I ended up I end up walking with like three percent.

After all, a sudden done, you called, Are you sure I'm only supposed to get three?

I remember when I told you a free writing.

Uh, you know what I uncovered recently and you'll appreciate this. All three of you so not you, but Yanni, Callahan and Brody all have spent time as.

Trout guides. Trout fishing guides.

I have just in the last two weeks met two people who I had to have legal arguments with where they're out of staters fishing guided trout trips in Montana and the guides are telling them their preferences as though it's codified by law. I had the longest argument with someone telling me you are not allowed to kill a trout on the gallat And River.

Illegal.

It's not illegal. That was your guide telling you that. I had another person that said on the Big Hole River, no, not only can't you kill a trout on the Big Hole, you cannot use a barb on a hook on the entirety of the Big Hole River. Like that was just someone's that's what how someone is making you do it. No, no, no, that's the law. They told me.

How are you running into these fly fisher folks?

One I was talking to on the phone, and their name.

Is Tracy e. Y. Who's the other one? Tell me the other thing? The other thing was.

A a well known, very well known.

Sportscaster who's even done the Olympics.

Do you trust everything on the teleprompter? You ask him?

That not an estimate? You guys. I thought you guys had more to say about that. Well, I have something to say about it.

I say, you started this whole thing by saying something that you three guys have in common, but Dan doesn't.

Is that you Well, did you try? Did you see guide? T Fisher?

That's your assumption, is that I did not guide because I just read all the stuff you do well comedian, actor, podcaster, food network show host and author.

I don't know, Crin. Did you leave fishing guy?

For sure, you spend time as a fly fishing guide. It would be top of the list.

Well, I don't like to lead with it, okay, And that I was given. I was given a word count that I had to you know, I got to the end of it. We didn't have room for it.

He once broke his ankle while he was guiding.

I did. There was stuff, A little little pebble there.

Was, but stealing back you just don't appreciate the subterfuge there.

I just feel like.

It's a little bit to take impressionable people who you're introducing to something and and create and taking like your personal preferences and acting like your personal preferences are codified by law, just to save yourself any argument. They're like, well, why can't I keep a fish going? Like wow, because I just don't want you to. I don't like the sight of blood. I don't want to get it all slimy.

I need to catch this fish tomorrow.

It's to be like, you can't. It's against the wall.

All those are little five dollars and ten dollars bills swimming around the river.

So saying that, they're like, it's against the wall and they don't have to hear about it all day.

That's just a lie though.

That's like how people talk to their kids right like said, it's illegal.

You can't do that, yeah, because God will strike you down.

Right now, there are where those things are true, just not on those.

Groups I know.

But yes, I'll tell let's see, you know what, I'll save it for the next group of people on another episode and not bring it up.

Then, No, just keep bringing it up.

I'm going to bring it up with some people who are like, well, that won't stand. That's what That's what I'd like to hear. Here.

I got to who are they fishing with? I'm gonna call this fly shop?

No.

I remember I was looking for Brodie. I was looking for when I was a young guy working at Fishing Outfitters, or even before I was working there. I took the Guide class. I remember there were several discussions within that week of learning. This is how you address the address. Deal with a client that says I would like to eat trout for.

Lunch, You tell them it's illegal.

I mean there was a long lend, but a lot of it was made up.

Never one would be they don't taste good. Why would you want to kill this poor animal? It doesn't taste good?

No, No, I know that I would like them it's illegal.

Well, if it's illegal, why would you lead with it doesn't taste good?

On the cake? I sing on the cake.

Just so you know, towards the end of my guide and career, I'd let people bonk one now and then because you.

Knew you were getting out of it. There wasn't it. That's what you're ready from pillage.

On your way out, I selected species where I'm like, if we catch this or this, absolutely, and it'd be like, you know, rainbow trout or lake trout on cutthroat, cutthroat water, cold water.

I remember one time, I remember Rob Waters. He wasn't quite he wasn't on the fly fishing train yet. He would have been a rafting guide, but would also take some fishing clients if the rafting company had fishing clients or people interested in fishing. Oh yeah, I got a couple of spin rods in the truck, and you know we'll bring them along.

Can you start that story over again?

Sure?

I got confused.

This fishing guide, Rob Waters that we later worked with a lot who became a was at some point probably the number one guy at that fly shop for quite a few years, which just means you're like, you're into it, You're gonna work a lot. But I had already started as a fly fishing guide. He was a rafting guide, I see, But would if they had interested fishing clients or if people interested in fishing coming rafting. He said, oh yeah, I got some.

Oh so someone books a rafting trip and they're like, hey, is there any chance we could catch a trout?

Yeah? Yeah, yeah. Or they just happened to call the rafting company instead of the fly shop because it would be half priced for a fishing trip, and Rob would say, sure, I'll take them.

That's a sharp thinker, right there. You call for a float trip to fish and they're like, how much this.

It's probably not going to work out the way you wanted to.

Most of the time, you're not going to do a lot of catch.

I got what you're saying. Yeah, you might get for half his month, half the money, you might get half the experience. Yeah, if you're lucky.

Brody's trying to protect the industry down there. Go ahead, Dan, you got you want to interrupt him too? Yeah, thank you, this is your show now, Thank you so much. Thanks for thanks for having you. Guys have been great so far. What okay, call me an ignorant and I'm curious about where his story's going. Well, I had Yes, I am curious about it, but wait, I thought we got there.

I can get there.

I thought we got there.

There was no punchline yet. I'm curious about it, but not in a way that I want to hear.

Very quickly yes, yes, I had.

Befriended Rob and he was asking about becoming a fly fishing guy. And one day he's eddied out and I'm which, you know what that means, right, He's pulled off on the side of the river and some recriculating water and I'm floating by towards the end of the day, and we give that how was how was the fishing today?

Whatever?

And Rob reaches down between his legs and pulls up a stringer and there's a couple of dandies and my clients says, are like, hold on what I'm like and I'm supposed to act, you know, as a fly fishing guy. It's like, oh, that dirty bastard, how could he do? You do such a thing? And it was so funny that for me, I forgot about it an hour later. Rob for years would just be I can't believe I

So okay, so what is I'm assuming it would be illegal to catch these trout?

Is that?

What?

No? What? What is the no?

But then why is it crazy for someone to be like, I want to have trout for lunch because of.

It's not the culture and the perception and oftentimes just what your your guide of the day wants to do. Right, it's like, well, yeah, we're not going to do that. We're going to fish this way, and I don't want to deal with your fish in my cooler, or there's idea that you.

Just I don't want anyone killing him because then I can't catch them.

And there's a culture of catching release associated with trout.

Trout got it in.

A recent episode four thirty four, name My mule Deer can Kick Your White tails ass.

That was a great title.

That's a great title.

I argue with Tony Peterson about whether hunting mule deer is better than hunting white tail. Apparently I didn't know this till the other day. People have taken Are you sure that.

This is the quote? They're talking about. Yeah, I know that I said some stuff on Rogan show.

It modes I I know exactly what this is. People are doing it all over the place because I took that little clip from Rogan yep, followed it up with a picture of a big mule deer buck that I shot. That thing has like a million views and and a lot of other people started doing it.

Oh, so you mean it's a quote.

I think it was. It wasn't from when I was talking to Tony Peterson. I think it was something from one I was talking about.

Like, okay, they may have mistaken that.

What was the clip?

What is it?

Just talking about why I like Muldier?

Like for some reason, if I said to you, like if you said, I like, you know, chocolate ice cream better than vanilla.

Ice cream, you know, because I don't know tastes chocolate. Okay, no one's gonna get pissed.

But for some reason, if you say that you like Muldier a lot better than White Tails people, it's like people get mad about it.

I don't understand it.

So casey Uh and Tyler from The Element they say it's a real punch below the belt in.

The Midwest and down South.

M they like them white Tail Deer as do I it's not as much so point being the best argument. We have a show with the Element guy. It's called buck Truck, which you can go watch on YouTube, and they got a Kansas episode up, which is, uh maybe the best argument in favor of white Tail. So for you're cruising around on YouTube looking for stuff, well, you know what, when you watch YouTube these days, I know it's like personalized.

Do you always get the guy who's like carbs burn fat right, yes? Wrong, yes, sweets burn fat or whatever he's talking about. I wonder how that.

Guy how much money they've spent on that time that guy.

Not only that, but if you now realize that there are ads that are basically what you just said, there's a dude now that doesn't add that starts off with hey are you on YouTube? And you're always getting ads from the guy that can tell you this, well, guess what his ship's real? Like he's selling it for that guy. Like they're just.

Very metal, it's very meta. They're doubling your head, sits on your body right, wrong.

They haven't got I still can't tell you what they're selling or what the what.

One days on there. Bananas are good? Right, Oh yeah, he's got worse. Yeah, he's got five seconds.

Yeah, what one of these five foods is tank and your testosterone?

Anybody.

I haven't watched it to the end, but I watched about a minute and a half, in which I never do because I'm like, let me see where this goes. And he doesn't pitch anything a product, an idea. He just keeps going on about carbs and stuff, like, what are you trying to sell me?

Yeah, I'll give a dollar to whoever can watch long enough to find out which of those foods is killing my tea my testosterone.

It's like bananas. No, but I mean I from.

Him because I eat all the foods. He's like these your head sits on your body?

Right, wrong, it's probably it's probably like the longer you keep that running, like some hacker somewhere gets all your information.

Maybe he's making money on the ad, on the ad revenue and the actually yeah.

Yeah, you don't make money on ads. You spend money.

He's spending of a video that doesn't actually go anywhere, and it's and you just type in wait till the end, right, And then finally you're.

Like well, it's like an old sign in bars to say free beer tomorrow.

Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure there's gonna be a few folks that write in so answer.

He does the thing.

Now, I don't know if they're real or not, but a lot of his ads. Now, I'm just bringing this all up because when you go, I'm just preparing you from when you go watch the buck Truck by the element. You want to watch some sweet white tail videos, you.

Gont have to wait long enough. You got wait five seconds, you can skip it. So I always get five seconds of this guy, and a lot of times he's on the way they do it. It's like, are the real podcasts? He's like a podcast guest. So he'll be sitting there with headphones on talking to some other guy who's got headphones on.

He's like, he's like these five soup one of these five superfoods isn't a superfood.

It's lowering your titosterone. Yeah, he and he it's clicking, Wait, damn, which one is?

It's way But then the skip ad comes up and I skip. I never found out what the hell's going on. Then I'm sitting there chilling with the watching buck Truck.

And wondering the whole time, what was that one food is? He like, man, that's a sweet buck, but were the same food is killing.

The same dude with the cup coffee? And and he's like after GM, somebody's like, what the hell is in your coffee cup? And he's like slinging some kind of who knows. But I always think at that point, I'm like, never in a million years would I ever turn to somebody at the gym and be like, what the hell's in your car? I'm like, I give a ship, what's in your coffee cup? Don't talk to me?

You know it worked.

Look at how much free advertising we're giving this guy.

Unclear on what is I'm unclear on what is being sold.

Anyhow, Go to YouTube type in the element buck truck.

The guy will come on about whatever he's going on about, and then you'll get a little bit mildly curious, and then skip ad will come up. You'll skip the ad, watch buck truck, and then later you can lay in bed at night wondering what was it? What you're eating it? You shouldn't be.

I think mule deers are better than whitetail.

No, and yeah, and the Element will make you fall in love with white tails all over again. Speaking of white tails, Clay had an amazing story about his pet deer, and it prompted someone to write in about they had a pet deer.

I mean, they got this deer. It's got a collar.

On, got a dog harness, it's got a.

Dog harness on.

They want t shirts.

They collect all of its sheds over the years. It ate its button buck sheds. But the thing I like about the thing, the deer ate its own button buck sheds. It's like a rabbit eating his own pellets.

It looks like an awesome place to grow up. I like to picture with him. He says, it's his sister, but she must be a lot older.

That's got to be his ma.

Well, there's three turkeys behind him in that one picture. This kid, this guy had a great, great childhood.

It was a very loving pet deer, he goes on to say, and would like to snuggle. But if it was the rut, it did not want to snuggle.

Men, why wouldn't they chop the balls off of the deer?

Well, I'll tell you why.

Yeah.

When he was going bow hunting for deer, he would snuggle that deer as cover scent. You weren't here when Clay Clay's pet deer. One time, He's sitting in the woods and here comes his pet deer with another buck, which Clay killed. No, and then his deer came up and actually put nuzzled Clay.

Like it was a Judas deer.

Wow, it's like his new hunting buddy.

This is the buddy common of the year about Yeah, guy and his deer.

It would lure in. It would lure and de would go out and find bucks and bring bucks back to Clay for Clay to kill. Come on, let's hang bro, you gotta come hang out here. Yeah, that is some. That's some like h Rosendale. What was that family? They the people we executed the husband and wife? Oh Linnburg baby on No the spot, Socco and venz Eddie. Yeah, no Rosenbergs or something like that. They're like communists or something.

Yeah, here's an interesting article and I like the story, but then it goes goes direction.

I'm not crazy, but where was this? This is oh.

CBC Canadian Broadcasting.

British Columbia.

Prince George, British Columbia. Man driving down the road and got concussed by a ruffed grouse that came blasting through his virtually open window, knocked him senseless, knocked the driver so senseless that when he comes to, he can't figure out why there's a grouse in his truck.

Because the grouse is also knocked.

It canst the grouse. They were mutually concussed.

The grouse resuscitates, he resuscitates, He films the grouse, opens the door, and the grouse gets away. Here's where the story takes a strange turn. They actually went to an ornithologist to learn this, that it's odd that the grouse could have gotten through a cracked window and hit the man in the head.

They're doing some real background journalism.

And.

They went to an ornithologist to say, what are your what's your take on this? I don't believe that the ground to what she said, Wow, if the window is only open four inches, that seems like uh unlikely. Does does he have That's that's hard hitting? That's hard hitting.

Associates degree in physics also like the or like come on.

They went to an ornithologist did tell them how fast were you going?

Exactly?

The ornithologist said it was a one in a million shot.

Which I don't believe and how is he qualified?

Like he's an ornithology in the ornithology community, that is something that's studied.

It's like the third year of ornithology school. Train a leaves the Chicago with this individual.

This individual that was concosted by the grouse is an elected official. Okay, the plot in tribal politics. They said that they feel they're the only they feel that they're the only elected official. This individual that was struck said, I can one guarantee this is a oh, I can guarantee that I'm the only elected official in Canada to ever get hit in the face by a grouse while driving. CBC News has not been able to verify this claim.

They should ask the ornithologist. He knows he's got all the weird knowledge.

As of publication time, they had contacted seventy two percent of all elected officials to ever serve in Canada and have been so far, but has not been able to absolutely verify his claim.

The good folks at the CBC are going to stick with this one. See it through.

This is a new take on trail camp problems. I have shared that I had a trail cam at my fish shack and one of my buddy's wives went back to pee by the camera and I still haven't gotten my card back.

That one's just gone.

Now this guy, this guy, he writes in to say this, I'm not going to give his name.

Does he give his name?

Nope?

Oh does he didn't even give his name.

He just said a loyal fan.

I have a slightly embarrassing trail cam story. I'd prefer not to use my name for reasons that will become obvious. I'm a divorced dad last summer started dating an amazing divorced woman. This sounds like a match made in heaven.

Uh.

They have seven kids between them. His his gal is a dairy farmer. Yeah, I'm in you got it. Yeah, seven kids between them, it's hard to find alone time. So they go back to a meadow back behind the dairy farm to do what he has put in quotes to picnic.

M he's using picnic as a euphemism because it's in quotes.

That's so wholesome.

Some neighbors.

Approached later to say, heads up, we have a trail came back in that meadow, f y.

I oh no. They approached one of their teenage sons who was driving a tractor in that that's right?

Would you mind telling your mom we have a trail camp pointed at that medal, he says, well, sure, but why.

Don't worry just tell her.

Savage, I don't know why he's embarrassed. Who the guy that caught got caught on a trail cam making sweet light love to it? I don't know that.

I mean, I know he was picnicking.

He was picnicking. You do not want to see someone picnicking on your trail cam.

You think he should be proud of that.

I mean, I don't think there's any reason for embarrassment.

I think the fact that they would go to the seventeen year old child and tell him rather than going to the adults. They should be the ones who are embarrassed, the trailcam people.

Yeah.

Man, life on the farm is different though, Like there's a lot of love making, there's a lot of dying going on around you all the time.

Yeah, Doug says life and death on the farm. Yeah, he should start saying love and death on the farm.

Yeah.

A lot of confusion around dire wolves and a lot of fighting. Seth Morris is even waded into this fight and he's.

Not here today. We had an episode called archaeology OG.

That's what it was called, the the og of archaeology. Why'd you change it around, It's just shorthand.

The og of archaeology. And we had a debate about dire wolves. Were dire wolves ever? In Alaska?

Mike Cunns followed up. The body of research on dire wolves indicates they evolved in the Western Hemisphere, probably North America, and spread into Central and South America in the late Plasis scene. They first appear in the paleontological record about a quarter million years ago, becoming extinct at the end of the place is seen about thirteen thousand years ago. They appear to have been a creature of the temperate,

I don't know how he knows what he's looking at. I mean, no, don't disrespect I covered that pretty well.

Uh yeah, have you watched any of that? Uh?

It like for folks who like picking stuff up off the ground, like everybody in this room does. Like it's it's fascinating. What is because your jealousy is so high, like watching that dude digging the dirt all.

Day oh yeah, yeah, sneaking there at night, oh yeah.

And it's like they they can hydrologically mine, right, so they can hit high pressure hose this hillside and just like watch like Mammoth Tuss cave out.

Of it and you're just like, what have I been doing with my life? Terrible?

Have you ever seen Clint Eastwood's Pale Rider?

Yeah?

Oh yeah, yeah, one man.

Yeah, he's like a Preacher and in the end he gets so pissed he goes and puts his little preacher collar in a lock box and takes his two pistols out. There's a lot of hydraulic mining in that movie. It's pretty interesting.

Yeah, that was They used some extras.

Out of Missoula, did they for that Pale Rider?

Yep?

Yeah, so it must have been filmed somewhere out here.

You ever seen a very similar plot line? Have you seen Willie Nelson's Redheaded Stranger? No? I never have.

Oh god, it's a good movie and such a good album. Shot another preacher, Yeah, shot her so quick.

Time to Warner. Is there a hydraulic mining in that Redheaded Stranger? No, Pale Rider, A lot of it.

Yeah.

You guys are very good on going off on tangents like fantastic, this.

Is all like lockstep dude. Well, okay, we went with.

Went to hydraulic mining and priests collar, Priest collar brought us to Willie Nelson song No movie.

I mean that's pretty amazing. Well, No, I was more on preachers. Who was the Preacher? Pay a little clip of that? Maybe film the Time of the Preacher when the story began.

The scene where he goes and pulls pulls his guns out out of the lock box because he has to go to a bank or maybe it's a post office. I assume it's a bank, goes and it has to like, you know, stand in line, pull his box.

Out of his six shooters.

Hell, he takes the time to pull his his preacher's collar off and put it in there, like, well, that'll be there when I need it.

There's a harrowing scene in it where some old time drunk he it's this huge nugget, yeah, like a huge like he's like carrying it two hands and brings it to the bad guys and they first they shoot his nugget all the pieces and then blow them all the hell.

Right, because the bad have the big operation and these guys are all plaster miners that are sticking to their claims, but the big operation is buying out their claims. And this guy strikes this nugget of untold wealth. That means he will never give up his claim. And he's in

You want to hear a tangent, but I'm not gonna do it.

You know that album Redheaded Stranger and the movie, there's a great line on that album. Now the preaching is over and the killing's begun.

Oh that's a great one.

I thought you're in someday where maybe I'm a bad guy and you're a preacher vice versa.

I thought you're gonna go Sergio Leoni, so I would have gone Sergio Leoni over to Once upon a Time in Hollywood.

Mhmo. Yeah, that's good stuff.

You guys ever watched that? I don't. I don't like it. But the kids show Octinouts.

I think my kids watched it back, and that's the one where they go around underwater investigating different critters.

And they changed it recently where now they can do land animals too. But there's a song and the old one that goes creature report, Creature Report. I remember that in the middle it's like dance break and they dance Brody's gonna do a creature report.

Oh yeah, this is a funny one.

Chester going to cover.

Creature report.

No, this one's great, this is awesome. We we've talked about the the well, it's not proposed the wolf planned wolf freetru introduction in Colorado bunch, even though there's already wolves moving in there on their own. They're going to go forward with this plan. And uh, it turns out they're having a real struggle getting wolves to reintroduce, which I think is is kind of funny. No one wants to give them any We are working hard to make this happen, they say, we're we're on schedule to meet

Why can't they get some of those same bad mother liquors they sent down from Canada when they did the Super Bowl?

Yeah, that that guy you know that well, the guy that he knows knows the guy who trapped him.

That they pot with the stick found the meanest ones.

I'm not sure they might have to go back to that source. But Colorado goes on to say they've had conversations with Washington and Oregon also, but a Washington spokesperson said they aren't sure what Colorado means about exploring an agreement that could be on their end where they've just

Inadvertently or unintentionally, Wyoming has already stock has they have

Way, and that.

The end result in twenty years time, thirty years time, you're gonna land in the same place.

Yep, exactly.

It's been like a puzzling it's been a puzzling move.

Just let nature do its thing. This is all about nature, but we need it on our timeline, right, Yeah, it makes zero sense. It's the approval under this administration is what's what's driving it, right, And it's like, well, the law says that we have to follow through on this citizen's initiative and that has to happen on our timeline or else it won't get done and we'll be in violation of whatever the Colorado State constitution I imagine. But on citizens' initiatives.

Yeah, what puzzles me about the citizens initiatives says like you have to do exploration and move toward the goal of restoring wolves in Colorado.

Find suitable areas to put them.

And yeah, so how would you not how would the plan not be? And and I'll clarify, like I have no animosity toward wolves, I have no animosity toward any native wildlife. Uh, but just looking at it in a social management scenario, why would the plan not be just to not why would the plan not be just to manage the wolves that are now in Colorado getting a toe hold? How does I don't say how like i'd have to have like a legal person explained. Why does that not satisfy the question?

I think it might be that there was a.

Timeline attached to that that ballot initiative, like they needed to be on the ground by x. There needed to be x number of wolves by X date.

Was part of the original plan.

Yeah, like what what was the There is a number, I've I've read it. I know y like what reintroduction means and what satisfies like the population.

And there's still I think there's still questions regarding how these wolves will be managed, whether they'll fall under the ESA or whether they'll be an experimental population, which you have big impacts on how they can be managed.

If they didn't put them in, they would they wouldn't they wouldn't be under experimental right exactly.

But if they're introduced, they may very well fall under that category.

I want to touch on this real quickly.

This is a This is like a little gamble people make when they're doing in dangerous pieces of recovery.

There was for a long time a debate about whether or not.

You would reintroduce grizzly bears into the Bitterroot Mountains in Montana. And the deal they struck was if they did a reintroduction to grizzly bears into the bitter Roots, they would carry with them a non essential experimental designation, meaning it'd be much easier to there there be it'd be it'd

Hasn't didn't They didn't one turn up there recently?

I thought in the bitters, yeah, there's there's been a bear that that's cruised through there. I think the Idaho Fishing Game, you know, this is a frustrating thing for a lot of people who are like, yeah, I saw grizzly bear. That's a grizzly bear track. There's pictures, there's everything. Well, the state agency can't be like, yep, you're right right. They have to prove it if they're going to make a positive statement. And so they were able to get a DNA at that site and get it verified as

Is effectively the bitter Roots.

I mean it's like an easy little stroll across ninety three or.

Something, right, Yeah, well across the valley, across the Bitteret Valley. But that was really wild, you know. And you're like much more hospitable range than the Bitter Roots are for sure as far as like finding food and stuff.

But yeah, that was And.

Then so the Rock Creek drainage is right there, as we know from meat Eater trivia. The US largest forests that we have in Montana, the Beaverhead National Forest, is uh, you know, grizzly bear tracks right in the middle of it.

So, speaking of grizzly bears, I think there's going to be a renewed push like the US Fish and Wildlife Service I think will again request that grizzly bears delist get delisted soon. I don't think that will go anywhere there, it gets held up on the idea that they're not recovered across the entirety of their range, so you can't recover you can't declare them recovered.

In certain areas.

Following that logic would be that elk would be listed as an e s A species. The elk would be protected by the Endangered Species Act, big horn sheep would be protected by the Endangered Species Act. Wolves be protected by the Endangered Species Act. Black bears would be protected by the Endangered Species Act.

What am I missing?

Oh?

I mean coyotes hmm, that's a weird one.

Mule deer perhaps blacktail, I'm sure would.

Be protected by the Endangered Species Act.

So the logic that you can't delist something in one place because it's not recovered in another. I don't know that Golden Gate Park will ever have a sustainable population of grizzly bears. Yeah, though that damn sure was grizzly.

Country on menus in San Francisco?

Is that right?

Really?

In what years all.

That gold Rush era, right about the time they made Pale Rider?

Can I ask something? First of all, I want to apologize for zoning out. I was just trying to figure out what the one food was that's lowering my testosterone?

Did you watch the thing?

I tell you I did.

I was watching the video while you guys were talking about that. That's why I was not a part of the conversation. I'm back.

And I just wanted to say sesame seeds.

Oh thank you.

But also, what is the what is the best argument for introducing reintroducing wolves and the worst argument or the best m best argument for and best argument against in you know, just just like in thirty seconds for each.

The best argument for reintroducing wolves, in my view, we can go around the table as much as people want to speak to it. The best argument for reintroducing wolves is it was human activities that eliminated them from much of their historic range. In particular, it was an activity that we now find to be deplorable, which was indiscriminately

To us, okay, And it's a.

Sin against nature to go and eliminate things from planet Earth because they're inconvenient. The argument against restoring them in Colorado is it will have and they all try to dodge this, but it's true, it will have catastrophic impacts on big game populations in Colorado. But hunters are naughty to say. It's like naughty for a hunter to say, I don't really like this because it's going to affect

That a lot.

And what do you mean they're not supposed to care about who's saying that.

It's supposed to be that like that, that's not a legitimate that's not a legitimate concern.

There's one very advocate.

There's one all the wolf introductions. Is this one guy that plays in all the Wolf for Re introductions and he refers to hunters as the recreational big game killing industry.

Okay, got it, that's that's two.

Yeah.

The loss of damaged property livestock specifically is.

A big one.

Wolves definitely get in mess with with domestic flocks of sheep for sure, cattle and the legal ease of like how you navigate that with personal property rights? And another animal that's not even yet a game species that can be managed effectively through the game agencies, because it's in this limbo of like, well, who manages it the fed through the state, and does it get such special status that if it's attacking your property, can you kill it? Can you get rid of it like you would with

Got it.

Let me hate with no one, he said thirty seconds. Well no, I thought him, no one.

This is going to sound conspiratorial, but I do think that I do think it's true the same way that individual that I just mentioned refers to the recreational big game killing industry.

I think that there is that. I'm not normally a conspiratorial person.

Right, I think that there are a lot of pro wolf advocates that have that would like.

To stick it to big game hunters. Oh. Absolutely.

That didn't seem like a conspiracy to me. That's not even a conspiracy. Pretty sentiment easy. I think it's like, it's like they'd like to stick it to big game hunters. Yeah, okay, I mean if if you're going out and calling it the industrial yeah whatever, then yeah, that seems like that's exactly what you're doing.

Yeah, they're like, oh, so does the surplus of deer and elklets. I'd rather feed it to wolves and feed it to the rednecks.

That's wow. That is so dogmatic, Like that's so crazy that they're willing to go that far. Their hate for hunters is willing to just kind of up end the whole balance.

They love wolves, and they got on sixty minutes.

Wasn't there like a sixty minutes piece called like that was showing how amazing this was.

I feel like I remember watching that.

Oh the debunked what's that.

Yeah, oh, how the wolves ship rainbows or something trop is like that was a real popular idea for a while. The debunked, Yeah, I.

Got no problem with wolves. Man, When I see a wolf, I get real excited. Yeah, but what I do have a problem is just.

Like mounding so much bs onto it.

Right.

And we had a woman on, Diane Boyd, who was very instrumental in like is the the wolf biologists for Montana And she even says she advocated for this at the time, and in hindsight she still feels that she was correct that they shouldn't have done the Yellowstone. In Frank Church reintroductions, wolves are coming in from Canada, and she said, I just think from a public perception standpoint and for the sake of how wolves are perceived, just give it time and let them show up.

And that's coming from someone who it's their job to think about this and they're pro wolf. Right. It's like you'd get there anyways. You'd get there anyways, and it wouldn't be that you wouldn't turn wolves into the new spot at owl.

Right right, right, Well, that's it all comes back down to this, back around to this citizen's initiative and about how none of this is these actions are based on science or the will of scientists.

Yeah, but I don't even know what that means anymore.

I know what you're saying, But no, everybody besides the public the voted for it is saying no. I mean, the rest of this proves it. Right here, there's six other states that are like, let us save you from your own dumb ass cells, and we won't ship you any wolves.

Right, you know there is there is wolf hunting a thing.

Sure, Yeah, in where so they have been delisted in they delist.

Them in areas.

So there's this there's this idea called distinct population segments, and.

They've overlaid it. Originally it was lower forty eight. Okay.

They've then gone on and gotten a little more surgical, and they've created these areas where they.

Look at around the country, what are areas it could feasibly support the animals.

So with grizzlies, what there's five or six So there's there's five or six habitat core habitat.

Areas that could support grizzlies. One doesn't have any.

So it's North Cascades, Bitterroot cell Way mm hmm, the Northern Continental Divide Cabinet, Yack cabinet, yack, g WAT, Greater Yellowstone.

How many is that?

Greater Yellowstone, Northern Continental Divide, Northern Cascade, Northern Cascade Cabinet, Yack.

Cabinet, YAC bitter at So yeah.

For one doesn't have them, or Northern Cascade has maybe depending on where it's standing at any given time, has a couple that moved back and forth from Canada. So they've gone and said, Okay, it's not gonna be the Lower forty eight. My joke about Golden Gate Park. It's not gonna be Golden Gate Park. Where could it be? It could be in these places. And what they've done is they've enabled it to to propose delisting an area.

With wolves. They've done Northern Great Lakes and it's their back listed, all right.

It waffles back and forth so much, but there was hunting off and on there over the last decade or so.

So you can't keep track. So like Michigan's Upper Peninsula.

But well beyond recovery, like way way pass, recovery goals right, And.

When people say recovery goals is at a time. They came at a time every all the different stakeholders got together and they said, what what does recovery look like? What's an acceptable recovery? And they came up with I think for they come up with a pack, like how many packs and different parameters. With grizzly bears, they came up with how many how many bears? So they all agreed, two hundred and fifty bears in the Greater Yellowstone ecosystem.

No?

Because I said that in order to get what I wanted at the time, But I didn't mean that. What I meant was they're.

Never going to be recovered.

You're never going to pull them off the endangered species list because the main you do, hellbillies and rednecks will be able to kill them, and I don't want that to happen. So the goalpost just moves and moves and moves,

Have been migrating to these other area.

Come to these so don't tell me that it's a distinct population set. This is the argument against it, right, Like, don't tell me it's distinct, because nothing's distinct.

Things move around. You can't undo this and not impact that.

And connectivity is the is like the biggest buzzword in this argument. Got it, Like, show me the connectivity. So because also they want to re examine, like what does recovered mean, right? Does it mean right now in our

A lot of grizzlies get shot by fishing game a lot, and they get in trouble.

A lot, And oftentimes it's like the people who are actively trying to get to these recovery benchmarks who have to go out and kill the damn bears because somebody didn't lock up their stupid fricking garbage can, right and literally, you're killing this bear that's been put so high up on a pedestal by not locking up your garbage can and the thing comes and roots through it for leftover watermelonines, right,

Yeah, right, So I don't think answered your question though.

Yeah, well, I what I'm realizing is that you guys have no concept of what thirty seconds is.

Yeah, you want to hear a good still on this show, but.

Wyoming.

So if you look at the Greater Yellowstone ecosystem, the official number is seven hundred or seven fifty grizzlies.

But even the but the guy.

That did that number knows that number is not right. And he said on this podcast, Frank was Huga Hugo type in grizzly bear, Frank USGS Hugomeyer. We had a guest on who so the USGS isn't a policy organization. They are a fact gathering organization. The facts they gather are then used by policymakers.

Frank vinn mannon that's.

No, is it.

Yeah? The guy that headed up the interagency study.

Yeah, I'm thinking the wrong. Damn Frank, what's his name?

Frank van mann In.

He says they used a model that he doesn't think is accurate anymore. But it's hard to change the official number.

But he says, so, he's like, there's probably a thousand in the Greater Yelstone ecosystem, which is about Indiana. It's a chunk of ground about the size of Indiana that sits in Montana, Idaho, and Wyoming, whatever portion of those is in Wyoming. There's an interesting statistic where this is. Years ago, Wyoming was spending two because of the ESA issues.

I went to Yellowstone yesterday. I took a drive there, didn't see any bears.

You could try to get your money back.

What was your Google review?

If I could give it half a star?

I don't get it all right, So talking about this Food Network show, Raid the Fridge. It's a goofy show. It's on Discovery Plus.

Now.

It's fun.

It's pretty fun. It came from the fact you used to take pictures of people's fridges. Well, my podcast Greenecks and dan Is I interviewed very very very famous celebrities. Steve Varnella was a guest, and it's all based on a picture of the inside of your fridge, and then we go down that rabbit hole of you know, your relationship to food. But yeah, I took all these I have all these pictures of celebrit these fridges. It's my kink and the Food Network saw that and they're like,

Are you talking on the place where you work right now?

Yeah?

Yeah, I am right now.

That's bold.

But now everything is like it's like you come back from the commercial break with like heavy metal. It's like, welcome back to kitchen genocide, death battle Roy. Yeah, Mary just got sent home because there pot pie tasted like sweaty dick.

It's like, what's happening? What happened? Food Network?

Leaving our roommating two contestants. For your final challenge, you will give given a rabbit, a hammer, and three springs of dill. You've got ten minutes to make dessert. Time starts as soon as I slaughter this lamb. It's like, what, Yeah, it's gone too aggressive, man.

Well my understanding, yeah, you just prayed a pretty graphic picture. My understanding is food Network. This blew my mind. Maybe you can correct me. MI understanding is that Food Network will not allow a head to be on a fish.

Really. Oh, I have no idea, just learn that.

And I was like, dude, half the restaurants in New York you can get a fish with a head on it.

Wait, is that true? That's what I heard you.

I am going to call my buddy who's in charge of all the food of Food network on smartphone right now.

I heard that you can't use the barber hook on the Bighorn River.

It's illegal.

I've just I heard this on very from a very good source that there you will not find a fish's head on that network. You cannot do whole fried thie fish.

I heard you can't have Wow, it's exciting podcast and knives present at the same time alcohol because.

You're going to get wasted and cut yourself.

As as happens.

And is this suspense killing you like it's killing me. I don't think they're going to answer because most people don't.

Yeah, you know why, because you're like I have a very good friend.

It's like ten times that I try to call my wife, she'll answer one time.

Well that's not a good things.

Oh man, all right.

No, no head's on fish, No heads on fish. I don't that's crazy. If that's true. I'm a huge I don't know if you guys know this about it.

Let's do the fish head. Let's do this.

Why don't you go with just one of these fridges, put a fish with the head on it and see what happens.

I mean, I feel like we've had some gnarly stuff on there. I can't imagine a fishhead being that.

No head's on fish.

Didn't you get thrown in Instagram jail for showing a picture of a valid king salmon one time?

Yeah? I forgot about that.

That's pretty ridiculous.

So, okay, talk me about the book. Did you do your own audiobook?

Yes?

Did your own read? I did, and it was very It was an awful experience. Plug the book a little bit.

Okay, So the book is undercooked. You can get it anywhere you get books. It's an Amazon bestseller right now in the category of books by Dana Dude, and it is killing it.

It is uh.

You know.

It's a comedic food memoir standalone chapters, each of them about food, but they're also funny and there's a lot of heart, and there's also a bunch of hunting chapters which.

They tried to come down. The man tried to come down on you about hunt.

The man tried to come down and they wanted to. They're like, you need to take out one of these hunting chapters. You've got too much hunting. When what's their argument because they were like, it's a food book and people want to buy a food book.

They don't want to hear about you going hunting.

Because the two are like not related.

Yeah exactly. But I fought and I kept I kept a.

Tense fight, like words exchanged.

You know, there was It's very interesting when you write a book, you have to it's it's very like pick your battles on what you're gonna put in and what you're not going to put in. So, uh, for example, I there was a line in it about Anthony Bourdain committing suicide, and they were like, you can't say committing suicide he died by suicide. You have to write he died by suicide. And I was like, walk me through

You're actually committing. It's happening to you.

It's sort of it wasn't a question of his commitment.

Right exactly, which I was like, that feels weird to me, and but it didn't feel weird enough where I was going to fight for that, so that I wasn't going to fight for something else, so you know what I mean.

But you know it's pronounced cows, is it really? No, that's not true.

It's true.

I just looked at Steve. That's not true. The gentleman's name was cows.

Okay, but yeah, so we kept it in so and look, I part of my thing, part of the thing with this book is that I know that a lot of like let's call it coastal elites will be reading this because it's like a popular food book and they want

Do you believe in coastal elites?

Yes, you do, one hundred percent.

Are you one of them?

I am adjacent. I'm coastal elite adjacent, you know, But I mean I live in laing that you.

Just don't make quite enough money to be an elite or I mean, I don't know, I'm trying to I don't think it means either.

Know how to du Pont or Rockefeller or Roosevelt or no.

I am as kids dudes will be amongst that crowd.

Yeah, you're not an a dute.

No.

I just feel like there is a group think that happens on in the big city group and if you're not a part of it, you're kind of excommunicated. So even coming on your podcast for the first time was like coming out of closet for me in a way.

Way to just like, you know, skim the scum off the top anyway.

Right, Yeah, I mean I think so, But it's it is, especially when you're entertainment. Though in entertainment it's even another level of you know, you gotta watch what you do and watch it.

I was very excited and surprised to hear you name drop meat Eater on Comedy Bang Bang this Week, which is one of my favorite podcasts.

Yeah, that's probably the first time you guys have been mentioned on Comedy Bank, the most the most like nerdy comedy podcast in the country. But yeah, look this is But I think this is why this book is interesting is because I'm I've always kind of straddled those two places of like, I love fine dining, I love good food, I love going to great restaurants, but then like I love going hunting and I love getting dirty and doing

I keep well. And that's a bold statement. I mean it is. I wouldn't put that that way.

Why not with the what is that law? That the money from the AMMO and the money from.

The A lot. But you're just using very broad strokes.

You told me to say, none, screw those environmental groups. We give more money than they ever will. No, it's a but here's.

You're using such broad strokes that you get into hard definitional.

Easy to poke holes in it.

Yeah, okay, the hard definition. But here's the thing.

Most people wouldn't even know that that hunters give a dollar to conservation.

That's very true.

So even opening their eyes to that, I think, is that that's the best place I think to start the conversation.

There was recently an op ed I think it was in the New York Times, and it was arguing that they don't like the Pittman. This guy was saying, I don't like the Pittman robertson money for conservation. It shouldn't go to conservation because it's blood money, meaning he doesn't want to. He doesn't think that gun and AMMO money has a place in wildlife conservation because it's wildlife conservation taking blood money.

I mean it's kind of a that it's that argument about and correct me if I'm wrong here, But a lot of the big game hunting in Africa, like where you want to kill a line or something, you have to pay like a couple hundred thousand dollars to do that, and then doesn't most of that money go to conservation.

Yeah, we got some guys coming in pretty soon. There are subject matter experts on that. We tried it before with someone.

Roger Hurt and Morgan, I don't know, as like Potter.

There you go, they're all super excited about that. Well, so, yeah, I said I was having some Tanzanians over for dinner.

No, he didn't tell me that didn't First of all, if you said that to him, how could he ever forget that? Remember I said of having some Tanzanians over for dinner? I mean, yeah, So it's like the optics of that, I understand for a non hunter are really awful, right, But it still kind of makes sense, especially if in places where they're not going to get anywhere near that amount of conservation money.

But you you haven't. Has your career suffered at all? Like did you feel like you lost out on jobs or lost out on gigs or anything. I don't use the word gigs. Yes, you can, you can. We're back in the eighties.

Everyone, Yeah, and refer to it as the biz.

Please let me tell you about the biz. Look.

I think that it kind of it probably even out the amount of fans that I lost because of that I gained on the other side, you know what I mean. And I feel like, especially like with this book. This book is kind of it's something that I don't think anyone else could really write because I do have a weird skill set of I don't think that there's any comedian hunter, foodies who kind of who do all those three things. I think it's like.

I know one guy, the simple comedian, hunter, foody. Who do you got the one guy that does podcast too pretty? He's got a pretty big one, I don't think, but the thing doesn't quite qualify as foody. But he likes to take pictures of his food and post it to Instagram.

He does like to take pictures of his food.

But I mean, I've interned in Michelin Star kitchens, you know, like I've worked in restaurants. I've I'm getting wine certification right now.

Take that, Rogan. Take that.

I like you. I like you where you're coming from.

But I'm saying like, I think mixing those three things is something that that having come out of the closet with hunting is what gave me that special skill set that I think got me a book deal that was able to get. If I was just like, I'm a guy who loves food and I'm funny, I don't think I would have gotten a book deal. I think it was. Oh, this is interesting because he's got all these different weird ways of coming about food.

I find it very interesting that the people in food circles have such a wild and wide diet, whereas if you're coming from like real rural America, like deep hunting culture, it's not it's like very meat and potatoes, right, And it's those people who are like, ooh, I'm not sure if I'd eat that, whereas I, you know, I just cooked a bunch of Canada goose for some folks that are not in the hunting circles at all, very removed from it, and there was I would say, far less

Bills to Hawaii, but you know, like you get fence. Did you do that? I did that? Yeah twice.

Now it's like, oh, you brought the scrap ducks. Huh.

But that always strikes me as as very odd. Right, It's like, oh, you'll eat you know, lamb liver and rabbits and ducks and eels and you know, over one

This expression is so tired now, but it's like it's virtue signaling, right. It's like they know that it's hypocritical to say that because the money that goes into you know, they're fine to eat a steak at a restaurant that God knows how that poor thing was raised. But then

Know what they would wouldn't talk about. We shot a turkey this year in Hawaii that its crop was the most full crop I've ever seen, and I take them all out right, So it's the top end of the digestive system for for a turkey.

Yeah, it's got all the rocks and.

That's the next stage, right, Sorry, but the crops like this great little balloon, it's just a grocery bag, yeah, basically. Yeah, and uh and it's always super interesting to see what's in there. Well, we pull this prop out and it is it's enormous to begin with, but it is chalk full with absolutely nothing but maggots.

Oh he hit the magot, you know you'd get I guarantee you as a dead rotten hog.

No, so, okay, I know I know exactly what it was because you could smell it, and I had asked about it, and they agriculture operation they had brought in a huge load of fish and they had actually they actually have like a giant compost pile that they had stirred up with this fish to make their own awesome

But chalk full right, And.

So did the maggots smell like rottenfish?

No?

I didn't.

I was like, this is unbelievable. They were not. Your brain wanted wanted that so badly that you had to look at it multiple times. I just want to connect, but you're mad or your your fancy restaurant guy is not going to be like now, this particular turkey came came off the big island.

They sit down, they sit down. So what I have today, that's what we have today, is this poach turkey breast. Do you mind if I call you the maggot stuffed? Maggot stuffed?

He was on a high protein diet, but the blood money thing wasn't necessarily tied to hunting.

I don't know yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't fully explain that that was the argument tied to gun violence. By the way, I love that.

I spent all this time trying to tell people about how hunters are the real foodies and they're the ones, and then you start and it was fantastic.

Yeah, I was gonna tell you about how that's a great insight you had. And I wasn't counting a lot of the knowledge that people have as food knowledge. I was counting it as animal knowledge.

But if you if.

You interpret it as food knowledge, and you measure information in bits as they do, you're right. Hunters have an enormous amount of bits of food knowledge that they think is about animals, meaning that cart right have big ribs, okay or whatever, tastes not always the best. I'd be like, well, that's stuff about fish. You'd be like that' stuff about food. Yeah, because that's a foodie.

Yeah.

They when they see a dozen kinds of fish, they're seeing all this food information. That one's pretty good, that one you gotta fry forever, that one you gotta get all fat off, that one is better this time of year than that time of year. That one don't eat raw. You'll get sick right.

Even through the butchery phase, like how you need to filet that fish to get the bones out, how you need what's edible? What's not?

More advanced foodie than like anything you could learn in culinary school.

Now I'm sorting to think hunters are all snobs.

Species, those coastal elite.

Bread elites, you landlocked elites.

Dan like's being grossed out. Tell them about those ducks you shot this year, the ones that were.

Oh they had rice breast.

No, no, no, the ones that were eating that cow pasture.

Oh well there was one and the same Yeah, rice braass is it'll kind of it'll gross you out a little bit.

But if you don't like scatological why is this turning into gross out?

I don't know. They were just rooting around, as a lot of animals and birds do. They were rooting around in a cow pasture feeding, And every dock that we shot had just a little splotch of cow poop on it's the top of it.

Oh they had been coming from one of those places. Yeah, cool, So tell us what else you got going. I got the question for you.

Yeah, when you're doing do you have a hunting do you do you do hunting bits. Do you roll hunting bits into your stand up?

I've done hunting bits in my stand up, yeah, and it's always a weird reaction.

Doesn't It doesn't work?

Well?

Yeah, you should do what do one in Billings?

You'd be fine?

You know what's crazy? By the way, So I can't. I got to Bozeman and I, uh, you know, do you guys have a comedy club here? And I was like, you know what, I'm going to be the cool LA comic who comes to the little comedy everybody.

Pops in, pops in really impresses, you know.

They go, oh wow, we got this big time LA comic coming into town.

So I I.

DM them and I'm like, hey, guys, I'm in Bozeman wondering if I can get up while I'm here.

Like who They go, Yeah, Tuesday nights we have our open mic. Uh.

She was like, I'm just going to hike instead.

If I could have gone down and wash you get up, do your.

Business a little bit behind.

What the hell's the comedy club? I don't know the place last, best place.

Comedy last that's involved in that outfit.

Yeah, but he wouldn't have been the one that got that d m oh, I don't know, but I mean, look, it's fine.

They have an open mic night.

I don't want to perform in an open because then you're just performing for other comics.

And there had more fun going down there man watching that we would have got me. I would have said, I'd like an old duels and a big old thing of bloody merry mix.

Man, go down there the hell good time.

Can you give us a summary of another chapter, fun chapter that you really enjoyed?

Well, I think the chapter that I'm like, I'm I'm kind of surprised that I haven't gotten called out on. I don't know if I should even talk about it on the air.

Go ahead, it's in the book.

You're afraid to get into something you just published.

Well, I'm afraid on this podcast because I kind of like, because our listeners vulnerable, vulnerable, this is my truth. I'm speaking my truth.

He whispered to me first, because you get me nervous. You're gonna say it.

Was like, I there's a there's there's an allegedly of a small chance that I kind of maybe started a tiny, very small forest fire.

Oh that's fine, okay, cool joined the clubs like doing something dumb with fire. You've been.

Support it.

I mean, I don't know many people with a straight face that would tell you they haven't done.

Like some really stupid fire stuff.

Oh my god, I feel I was holding that. I thought the cops were just waiting for me outside here. I thought this was like a whole big sting operation.

Well, as long as it didn't turn into a fire that burned one hundred thousand acres.

You know, have you guys heard of Paradise?

What is Paradise City? By Paradise City guns and rollses. Yeah, no, I forgot that was a huge forest fire. I'm making a bad joke.

Yeah, I was gonna say that was me. That was not it.

No, No, I was no.

But I went I went el hunting in New Mexico. And I got there and I I went to the you guys, you guys know what a ship tent is. I can tell you what a ship tent is. This is a safe space. It was like a little tiny tepee you where you go with a bucket in it. Yeah, I don't, I don't. I'm not good at that stuff. I don't like it. I was like, I'm just gonna hold my hold it in for a week. I'll be fine, like.

A Latvian plug.

Yeah, like a Latvian plug. And it was so awfully disgusting anyway.

Hunt holding it in that long was no. I went three, So I go three days held in fine.

Because you don't want to go in a bucket. It was not the bucket it was. It was not the bucket, guys. It hadn't been changed that. It was the stalactites and stalagmites of poop on the bag.

They're not swapping bags out.

So you weren't allowed just to go out into the woods and dig a hole.

I would have I would have been fine with that. It seemed like that was frowned upon at our elk camp.

It was illegal. Okay, why it was illegal. But the day that I.

The the night before I got my elk, we were all outside, uh and uh. Some of my friends went to my buddy Mow went to go make a phone call at an area called the phone booth, which is just like a little piece of land.

That has reception. You got to like hike out to it.

And so me and Churchie the outfitter, he was like, let's go play a prank on on Mo and my son, and we took the car and went to the phone booth. So, you know, haha, they could have gotten a ride, but instead we drove over there. I smoke a cigar up there while I'm.

On my foe back up for a second. Sure, they walk to call make a phone call. And the joke is that you drove there. Listen, not all hunters are funny. Churchy thought it was hilarious.

He's an old man.

He's like an old man. He's like, let's go do this, Joe.

Comedy is hard, Yeah, comedy is hard, but let's go.

So we do that.

I smoke a cigar up there, and I hand to god, I put this. I put a rock on top, I squeezed, I made sure it was out. When it was out, and uh, next morning we go out go hunting. I get my elk amazing. We get back to camp, I go to take a nap and I wake up to Mow and he's like, dude, did you put your cigar out last at the phone booth yesterday? I was like yeah, why. He's like that hillside is like on fire right now. I was like, what the hell are you talking about.

And then I'm just like, I put it out.

I sort of got it, put it out, and then we hear a car coming our way and you know, there's no cars at all there, and we hear a car coming our way and we're freaking out, and I start freaking out and suddenly my inside start turning, and I'd run to the ship tent to hide in the shit tent because I think the cops are coming and I'm going.

And they'd never think to look for you there.

He wouldn't be in there.

He doesn't like that tent.

Your insides turning have nothing to do with the plug.

It was. It was a it was a twofer.

I had to go and release myself and also to hide from the cops. So I released myself and I know, you go in there because you don't like it there right exactly, So I just stayed in there.

It'll still like, this is this is my punishment?

Where could he have gone?

Guys, I thought I was gonna go to jail, and I was freaking out. So I was like, I'm gonna you know, I'm gonna hide where I would have gotten into that goddamn bucket if I needed to.

We'd have another oh on the podcast experience.

Anyway, it was another hunter. It wasn't the cops, but we ended up they ended up putting the fire out. And then, like an idiot who's like, you know, going to the scene of the crime, I'm.

Like, let's go up there see let's see what this fire. Let's see what it looked like, what this thing was.

So we go up there and there's a firefighter there and I start talking to him. It's like, yeah, it's not a big deal. We do controlled burns that are that are bigger than this. I'm like, yeah, so where what do you think happened? Like was it a He's like, oh, and we know exactly what happened. And there was like an X made with axes like where they thought it started.

My buddy? Yeah? And I was like yeah, He's like all right, good luck, buddy.

So but uh yeah, it was Uh I learned I'm never going to smoke a cigar when I go hunting ever.

Again. What kind of cigar was it? Backwards King Eddie? It was a nice cigar.

I wish it was not a Swisher. It was a something called a Rows of Sharon. Are you familiar with a cigar company?

You can probably just get that in New York or LA.

No, they're they're made in Texas, Texas cigar made by Vets.

Well made by vets.

You know what?

It might be worse than going in the ship tent.

What's that is?

Going on the can in a jail cell?

I am scared. I'm still scared.

I'm going to go to jail, especially now that I said this on there, because I'm sure you've got a bunch of guys who listened to the podcast, who have like ham radios, who are like, we've.

Got a lot of we've got a lot of people involved in the forest fire fighting, Yeah, a lot of people involved law enforcement?

Yeah? Sorry, And where those two areas meet, that intersection of law enforcement and forest fire fighting represented.

If you had just said, you know what, I couldn't control and went out and just took a big old dump on the surface of the w and left it with my toilet paper.

Toilet paper blowing in the wind.

I watched a guy with a spot and sculpe one time, me and Helen cho watched the guy. Watched the guy with the spot and sculpe one time going down a trail?

Is that? Who else with? Sorry? Was that with Brittany going down a trail? He stops. I'm not kidding, man.

He stops one hundred yards shy of his truck and drops the deuce at the sick stops on the side of the trail, drops the deuce, cleans himself up and proceeds along his way, with the wind carrying strands of toilet paper off through the sagebrush, not even so much as a cat scratch back in the direction, not so much as even like flicking a little dirt.

Wow. It sounded very poetic though, the way that I wish I had had my all in camera dafter around there.

And filmed them and put it up on social media with one of those like do you know this guy?

Yeah, I mean even you bury your okay, you bury your toilet paper, it's still like, I feel like it never really biodegrades. How many time you've been to campsites and there's just like toilet paper like like just like sticking out of the grass ground always.

Why does that stuff not biodegrade?

Why do people who walk their dogs bag the dog excrement in a plastic bag, tie in and not set it next to the trail and leave it there as though that's better.

Oh yeah, they say that that that I had a friend of it a touch like, yeah, it's biodegradable.

I'm like, I don't think that plastic bag is there. Like I'm gonna get it later, is what they say themselves.

Yeah, I've carried a lot of a lot of both of these subject matters out of the out of the woods, fucking horrible, horrible. But it's just it's my dislike of p well in general that fuels my picking up after them.

It's a very paradox, will clean up.

Traces of them. Yeah, like they weren't there. Wait, so you'll take other people's toilet paper and take it.

Out of the woods.

Oh yeah, Wow, that's commitment is a powerful motivator.

It is.

It's like when they're doing a State of the Union, they should have cal stand up. You know, people come down there like and this man picks up other people's excrement, cal like, stand up bull.

The Chambers would give.

Him a medal if I was president, it'd be the only person I named. Check would be call for that.

Imagine will check this out the situation where you, as a hunter would be like that is a poor representation of hunters, right, those situations.

Or outdoor folks in general.

Right, And it's the and then I'm always traveling around with dogs at this point, and yeah, so I pack out a lot of a lot of those dog shit bags where I'm like, this is just.

What's wrong with just what's what's wrong with leaving dog shit out in the woods.

So if it's dispersed, like actually truly dispersed, nothing, I leave my shit out in the woods.

If it's if it's thirty piles at the trailhead, yeah, that's a problem.

That's a problem.

Yeah.

And there's a lot of interesting studies too, just like with you're familiar with, like human waste and undigested opioids and pills and stuff like that. Right, there's a lot of studies that show, like dog feces in waterways have serious impacts downstream as far as like sterilization of streams or promotion of like big algae blooms and things like that.

Do you do I need a smear dog shit all over your little cast boot there to if I fit in, to find out why you don't like it.

I don't know why. This is where the conversation has gone. I do not feel like.

You're arguing in favor of it started.

It started with a ship.

Ten.

I think wolves should be able to ship wherever the hell they want, and no one should be able to pick up that ship.

Wolves do ship wherever they want. They mark their territory that way. And if you if you're into picking up shd antlers, they will ship on a moose antler, like a beautiful moose antler.

They'll ship right on.

Top of it, as if to say, like, I know other things want this, Like you know, dogs love to chew on them, Wolves love to chew on Kyos love to chew on it, and they will ship right on top of that moose antler.

Author of Undercooked, available everywhere books are sold. We're gonna play trivia.

Okay, do you feel that at the connect?

At what question do you feel that Phil will inform you that you're out of the game.

Oh, I'm actually gonna do a lot better than you think a question.

You don't think Phil will say Dan's out?

I don't think so.

I think that as I a lot of weird no his cross section of where he's found himself, comedy hunting, what was the third one food food?

I think we should say conversation for trivia and let Dan plug his book a little bit.

Before I plug my book.

I just want to say to all the cops and firefighters listening right now, I am a huge fan of law enforcement. You know how many tickets I've gotten out of because of Cobra Kai. There a lot of cops love Cobra Kai, and I've gotten out of about eight tickets. They'll be like from Cora, yeah or I they they they will know, but or sometimes like during in the beginning of the pandemic, like you have you.

On your dad, the picture of.

Sorry, that's my that's my past for the ober Kai set, Oh here's my Driver's like a bunch of wallet sized headshots, just pour out of it all. Yeah.

No, cops love Cobra Kai and I love cops, so please don't arrest me.

Plug the book one more time.

Undercooked, How I lit food become my life navigator and how maybe that's a dumb way to live. You can get the book wherever you can. You want your books. The audiobook is great. I did the reading of it. It's very fun. Do fun voices, a little more fun with delivery and whatnot. But yeah, people are loving the book. I hope you do. Two very funny standalone essays. I'm being called I'm being called the David Sedaris of food writing.

WHOA bye my mother? So yeah, no, I help you enjoy it.

I think I think I would love for the hunting community to read this book.

I really think they'd love it, have I told my funny David Sadaras story thinks.

So yeah, I thought we were going to maybe linger on dam finally.

But wow, it's it's beautifully done.

It's raw.

I laughed so like, just within the first few pages. I probably laughed two dozen times. You're uh. He says that footnotes are his love language, which I find hilarious. So it's like peppered with little hilarious footnotes. It's it's surprising, it's beautifully done, and is what's revealed is your original kind of very early connection to food, which is a very sad and touching story. And yeah, I mean I just I love I love your book.

Thank you, Karen the David Saris of food writing.

Wow, you might be you know, Steve's reading his own audio books now, might be able to give him a few pointers on spruce things up a bit.

I will say with my book, it's like a very like vulnerable, raw book. And I'm like reading these like passages that I would be speaking to like a therapist about, but instead there's just like a sound engineer, like some weirdo sound engineer on the other side of the glass.

Who was like, Dan, I think you're crying. Can you stop?

Take that again? Why are you crying?

We can hear it, we can hear the crying. I'm like, I'm so sorry. Just give me a minute.

But it Yeah, No, I love doing the audiobook. It's it's it's a labor of love because it's a lot better when you read your own stuff. It's always weird when someone else reads your stuff, I feel.

But I feel like Steve's repertoire for voices is literally just high pitch and low pitch and normal.

That's three. That's three. I mean, you got that's what everyone has.

That's what everyone's got, But he's got a killer Christopher walking though.

Yeah, high pitch, low pitch, normal and Christopher walking right. Well, congratulations, thank you, thank you, and then again thank you for making this happen.

Well, tell people how to go find all your stuff, so if they want to go see you perform, they do what.

You can just find me on Instagram. I post everything at Stand Up Dan, Twitter at Stand Up Dan.

Post all your shows there. Yeah, if they want to watch you on TV.

They need to get Netflix or steal a Netflix password from someone you know and watch me on Cobra Kai or on Discovery Plus Rate the Fridge. I am in a new movie called The Donor Party that is yeah, with Malin Akerman and Rob Cordrey.

Uh.

Yeah.

And if I'm in your town, come come see me perform at the at an open mic apparently.

Tuesday night, Tuesday night of a mic.

I just followed you on Instagram.

Oh, thank you. Stand up Dan, Stand up Dan?

Undercooked? Undercooked is the book anywhere books are sold? Yeah, anywhe books are sold.

Now if everyone listened, everyone just buys on Amazon. The New York Times will bone you on the list because they don't they it's it's it's a long story.

I know, but in the category books by Dana Duke.

It will still kick some ass. Yeah, they will. Thanks for coming on, man, thanks for having me.

I really appreciate it.

You should host a hunting show with the rest of the folks who blurbed your book on the back. Phil Rosenthal, Hassan Minaj, Jimmy O Yang. I think that would be an all star team that would be hunters in the field.

Yeah, and stay tuned for trivia. On question eight, Phil will say and Dana's audio running.

Wow, I'm knocking it down, dude. You're like competition, zerial confidence.

Oh no, no, I'm just playing.

I'm already playing.

Right, Oh seal great shine like silvering the sun.

Right, ride on alone, sweetheart.

We're done beat this damp horse to death, So taking a new one and ride away. We're done beat this damn horse today. M hm, So take a new one and ride on.

H