3: Discovering & Blending Your Authentic Self With Your Business

[00:00:00] You've tuned in to the designer within podcast, episode number three. 
 
Hi everybody. And welcome to episode number three of the designer within podcast today is episode is all about blending, your authentic self with your business. And I know authenticity [00:01:00] has definitely been a buzzword for the past. I don't know, two, three years. I feel like it started in the pandemic and it has just increased. 
Since then with all of the social unrest and everyone just at home. and really doing some introspective things with their lives and with their hearts and their minds. 
feel like we've all definitely become, or at least tried to become a bit more authentic in our lives. So today I really wanted to talk about how we bridge that gap between authenticity and our business. The importance of authenticity. In both your personal and your business life, we're going to explore what authenticity means. Why it matters in your business? And discover ways to achieve authenticity while still serving our clients. Very important. I've just found that authenticity has been such a key in helping me grow my life and my business over the past years. And I felt at this time in our world. In the United States, we're all [00:02:00] possibly not seeing eye to eye. And perhaps we're all a little bit afraid to express who we really are. And it just felt like the right time for me. To share this episode with you guys and hopefully and impart some information on you and open your eyes up to how to be more authentic in your own lives and in your own business, because they really should not be separate. 
As entrepreneurs or anyone working in a client facing business, we often find ourselves. balancing our personal and our business life. And I really do feel that authenticity is the key. To success in both of those areas. But before we dive deeper, I want to start with a hopefully clear understanding of what authenticity actually means. 
Authenticity is about being true to yourself. And true to your values. It's about expressing your genuine thoughts and emotions and aligning your actions with your beliefs and your motives and your personality. And in the context of business, it means presenting your brand or your [00:03:00] product or your services in a clear and transparent manner while selectively infusing your personal values into your business. That's the part I feel that we. 
sometimes have problems with is infusing what we feel personally in with our business. But we're going to talk more about that and really dive into why this should be the game changer for your business. That really kickstarts your company. And kickstarts your business. Even if you're not the owner of your business, this could really kickstart the relationship that you have with your clients. 
speaking of that, let's explore why authenticity is crucial in any business endeavor, being authentic. It establishes trust. It builds strong relationships with your customers, and it really differentiates your brand in a really crowded marketplace. People crave authenticity, and frankly, in a world where superficiality reign Supreme sometimes showcasing your genuine self. 
Can really set you apart, but it [00:04:00] can be tough and it opens the door honestly, to. Even more questions. And this is something that I've had to dive in with myself. And it's not always easy to find the answers to, but these tough questions can also lead a better understanding of your true self and a better understanding of your true self can lead to a better understanding of who you are within your company and your business, and how you can grow within your company and your business as a human being and as a business owner. 
so What is my true self. Is the me that I know really the true me. 
And do I have to be my true self all the time. Every single interaction. And what if, who I think my true self is and what my friends and business colleagues and clients think my true self is. Are not the same. Let that sink in. And if so, does that make me. inauthentic? Or does it mean that people who think that I'm in authentic. 
I got it wrong. [00:05:00] And what parts of my true self are hiding from me. these questions are not easy to answer. And if you go back and really listen to them and write them down, I promise you, it takes a lot of introspection just to sit down and ask yourself these deep questions. but I found that when I did ask myself these questions, 
It made all the difference in the world about whether I was being honest with myself. Or whether I was putting up a facade for the rest of the world to see. these are really good questions. And I do implore you to ask them of yourself. And I want to talk about what authenticity is not. It's also not honesty. Honesty is simply telling the truth. We've all told little white lies, but that doesn't make us in authentic. If I asked you. Um, I don't know how you liked my newest kitchen design project. And in that moment you make a choice. 
Based on what you value, which is sort of prioritizing being nice to me over being honest. or what you believe, which would be telling me the truth, which could make me upset. and what you intend, which [00:06:00] is to build a deeper or a better relationship with me. You are being authentic. by telling me that you love this kitchen project, you are being authentic, even though you didn't mean it. So by even telling this little white lie to me and not telling me the full truth. You are still being authentic because you were just prioritizing certain things in your life to have a deeper relationship with me and avoid me being upset and prioritizing being nice to me and being kind to me over being honest. So I hope that makes sense. But authenticity is also not the same as realness psychologist 
consider realness a core component of authenticity. However, it is easy to see that we would often choose not to be real and still remain authentic. So you can be real. You can be honest, you can be dishonest and still be authentic because that is. 
Who you are, And if you were honoring the values that you have in place by following through with being real. [00:07:00] And acting upon the way that you feel and embracing those core components of your authenticity, you are being an authentic person. 
sometimes we opt to conceal our intentions, suppress our emotions. And maintain our privacy over thoughts either to honor social expectations or possibly due to the concern of potential outcomes. 
And having such a social filter may not align with authenticity, but it can still demonstrate wisdom, adaptability. And this real complete genuineness about yourself and surprisingly authenticity does not always require complete realness. So I'm hope I'm dropping some truth bombs here with you that what authenticity is not and what it actually is, but let's continue on and whatever you think or feel or do in a moment is authentic by the way. 
Even if it's not what you want to be feeling or thinking or doing, even if you'd rather be somewhere else doing something else. Even if you are, I don't know, crippled by the fear of failure, [00:08:00] which makes you miss out on opportunities. You are still being authentic. You are being authentic when you are worried about what others will think of you. If you do show up or when you say something without regard to others are with total regard to others, or when you do show up and you are the one judging everyone else. 
So whatever the situation, whatever you do in those situations, Whatever your interactions in those situations are you are still being authentic. You are still being your authentic self. It's just that those are very specific characteristics to you. 
But whatever you feel, think, or do in a moment is authentic. Even if it's not what you want to be feeling, thinking or doing. 
now that we talked a bit more about what authenticity is and what it is not. let's talk about how do you become more authentic if you choose to do so. And by the way, it's not an overnight process. It took me 47 years. That's my age now to become more authentic. I'm from a small town. 
I wanted more out of my [00:09:00] life from the small town. I was this gay child growing up in a small town and a very religious family. And I was pretending to be what I really wasn't. And. By repressing myself and, pretending to be someone else. I really was not being authentic. I was being authentic to myself at the time. 
Of course, because was doing what I needed to do, but looking back, I know now that my authentic self and the person that I really needed to become is the person that I am now and the person that I'm still evolving to be because it's a continuous process. It, it kind of never ends for. For me and probably for you. 
every day I learn something new, but there is no magic wand to just click and overnight, you're going to be more authentic. If something that you work on every day, it comes with age, it comes with responsibility, it comes with practice. It comes with experience. It comes with interactions with other people, and it comes with just experimenting and testing out how you do interact with other people and being willing to wear your heart on your sleeve sometimes. 
[00:10:00] And maybe say some things that you. You normally would not say in that situation to build a stronger bond. So, there's lots of ways to become more authentic. I'm going to talk about some. Important ones today that I hope will help you. To find that more authentic self inside of you and to relay that over to your business activities that you perform. 
First of all, you need to define your core values and identify the core values that drive both your personal and your business life. These values will serve as your guiding principles. They're going to help you make decisions that align with your authentic self and listen, when your actions reflect your values. 
Customers can always sense your sincerity, everybody around you can sense your sincerity. when you're acting upon your values and you've identified these core values and you're start showing the world, your actions based upon them, people can understand that. And they see that and they know. And they pick up on the fact that what [00:11:00] you are doing and saying, and acting upon is the true you, and you're not faking it. So please sit down and define the core values of yourself. Do a little work inside write the values down about yourself. 
find out those interactions between yourself and your personal life. I actually have a download for you in the notes of this podcast that will help you define the core values of yourself and your business and find those intersecting moments of those values, where you can combine the values of your business and your company. So download that in the notes section of the podcast. 
Secondly love who you are. Easy to say, right. Easier said than done. This can really be a tough one. You guys, I understand that we can be overweight underweight. We can talk too much. maybe we're too shy. We're overly confident. Maybe we're meek, whatever, but you are who you are and you, you must embrace and love that person. It does not mean that you can't improve upon things about yourself. 
But if you think back to your childhood or ask your [00:12:00] parents or grandparents about who you were as a child, I guarantee you that you would see a lot of the same characteristics of the same person. That you are now as a child and this flows into the business world too. You can't love or care about your current or potential customers more than you do about yourself. I'm going to say that again, you cannot love or care about your current or potential customers more than you love or care about yourself. 
Big statement. Having true self love. It just makes it easier to transfer that to others. And the authenticity in that one single act alone can result in huge growth in your company while also attracting the right ideal clients to your business. We've talked about ideal clients before, and when you are your true self, that ideal client, that customer that does need to be working with you. 
The one who does align with you will find you. When I first started doing design and having my own company, I never mentioned the fact that I was in a relationship. I never talked about [00:13:00] my soon to be spouse. I never talked about being gay, not, not being gay or anything around my personal life. 
I steered away from it Really, for fear of scaring off business, or just turning someone away. You know, I never knew what, you know, the old saying don't talk politics or religion. So, I, I didn't, and I realized that I was not being myself. At all, when I was not speaking about these things. 
one client in particular. I remember I was really afraid of mentioning it to this person. He was this. You know, Burley. Tough guy. just did not seem like the type of person that would really relate to. Someone being gay. And at that time, my husband and I were actually engaged to be married. And then one day. I think the project had gone into probably year number, I think maybe one and a half at that point. And we were getting closer to the client and I, and talking more and I was like, why. And my head, this is my inner dialogue. Why am I. 
Concealing this part about myself and not letting this client know. More about my personal life, because I feel like it could really [00:14:00] create a bond between us. So I just casually mentioned that. Yeah, I have boyfriend and we're getting married. It's the boyfriend I've had at that time for 15 years and we're getting married and we're really excited. And. 
To my surprise. It turned into this like wonderful love Fest of congratulations and the sincere congratulations by the way, it wasn't fake. these questions and sincere questions, and it was just this wonderful bonding moment that I will tell you guys, it continued on not only throughout that project, but it continued on past the project now to the point to where I'm actually friends with this client and the client still, asked about my husband and asked what we're doing and, come and use my. 
 Beach house for the weekend. It's just wonderful how that simple act of opening up allowed me to be my true self. It allowed me to show a little bit about my personal life with this client, and it opened up the door for other conversations about honesty and about, truthfulness with this client. 
[00:15:00] So we're going to talk more about the bond between truthfulness and authenticity and realness and honesty with clients in a moment. But I just wanted to share that story with you and how that. That was the turning point for me. When I knew that by sharing parts of my personal life in my business was the key. 
To truly bonding with my clients in a way that would far surpass any financial gains of a project, but also would make that project go much, much smoother in the long run. 
Thirdly, tell your story. This kind of aligns with what I just said, but I want to expand on that a bit. your story has power. It really does. You might not think it does. You might think it's this boring story that no one will care about. I promise you it has power because it is your story. No one else has your story. No one. And when you tell your story, The power of that story, it becomes your brand story. So think about that. You're a personal story becomes your brand story and start with the easy stuff. Why did you get into this [00:16:00] business? Right. That's a very easy question. We all know why we got into whatever business we're into. 
There is a reason behind it, and I want you to share that personal journey the reasons behind why you started your business with your customers. This story connects with customers on a real emotional level, as they can relate to the struggles, the aspirations and the motivations really behind your brand authentic storytelling creates a real authentic bond. I even share this in the bio, on my website. 
even when I'm doing a consultation or a discovery call, I share with clients a bit about my personal life and how I got started, but I also include a bit of it on my website. And I will say that I've had so many clients, so many potential clients tell me that my story, parts of my story, whatever it was, has resonated with them and whether it be a story about my family or my adventures renovating houses or how my grandfather taught me how to. 
renovate homes. They can relate to that in one way or another. And that is the part that [00:17:00] is that personal connection. even before they even call you. Right. no one wants to go to your website and read a boring bio about, oh, I went to school here and I studied this. Who cares? 
Nobody cares about that. We want to know who you are as a person. Who you are as a business owner, how you got into this business, what is your passion? What drives you and sprinkle in some fun facts about yourself in there that keeps it interesting. And that makes it relatable. So I, again, I shared this right on my, in the bio, on my website. 
And it really has made the difference between having a new client and not having a new client because, you know, we are all human beings, no matter what color size or gender or non-gender or whatever. And by being you, you will find that human, that human connection with other people that they may even chime in with their own story. 
Right. So they may hear one part. Uh, about what you say that they didn't chime in and have their own story to relate to what you just said, [00:18:00] but I promise it will make the working relationship so much better. And easier, especially in those tough times when an issue arises that client is going to be on your side because that client feels that you have their back and you really should have their back because you have a bond with them in one way or another. And by sharing your personal stories of your personal journey with your client, you're going to strengthen that bond. 
even on a site visit, after we've worked on a project, I still continue to share stories with clients. I just did this recently with a client. Client. And again, it just continued to strengthen that bond and it doesn't have to be all deep. And, you know, these like deep, psychological things, I just shared a story with a client about how. 
Uh, my mother and I had an old home. in Florida and we were renovating the home and we were redoing every single window, all of the weights inside of the window. And we were tying all of rope to the weights inside the window because the client was replacing windows in their home. 
And that simple little story. Was [00:19:00] just a fun, little warm bonding moment with that client where they knew that I've had a, past of redesigning and renovating homes, historic homes in particular like theirs, but it also let them know that I'm not afraid to get down and dirty. And then I have a true relationship with older homes and that my family has been a part of that. So little stuff like that does go a long way. but again, you're finding that human connection and I promise you, it's starting to just continue to make that working relationship so much better because they are already authentically on your side before. 
Any issue happened. So when an issue happens and you're honest and transparent about it with them, they're going to listen to you for the solution that you found because they do trust you. 
Number four, build real customer connection, real R E a L customer connections. We have all heard of that elevator pitch. And I'm not saying you should not have one, but if you were simply selling something to someone just to [00:20:00] be selling something or just to make money or just to make payroll next month, or next month, the mortgage you were losing side. 
Of an authentic, personal connection with a customer, that will go far beyond that current transaction, some business owners or anyone in business. Really. like to hide who they really are. And I see this all the time and especially in the design community where the social media highlight reel of all the fabulous events and wonderful restaurants that we went to eat at and these great projects on the ocean and, you know, the trips that we went on and I'm guilty sometimes too. 
and there is some truth to it, but, more so it's a lot of what we think others want to see. It's a lot of what we think the world wants to perceive us as and our business but is that really what they want to see is that really what they want to know about us, if everyone else is doing it, is that really, really, really what they want to know. 
And I've even come to the point in my business where I don't even care if that's what they want to see. Yes. We have those [00:21:00] types of things that happen, and yes, I do share them. But do I share the ugly to. Absolutely. Do I share the not-so-great things, 100%. And I feel like that is the mix and the balance of how it works for me and how it could work for you, with your customers to let them know that you are just a human being. 
Who is living your life, doing the best you can to serve them and to grow and serve your business. And really if the pandemic taught us anything, It's that realness. And authenticity is much more powerful than any sales pitch could ever be. Our clients want to work with businesses and people who project the values that they identify with. 
People who aren't afraid to show their human side and even show some vulnerability. for this reason, if you're not showing. Your authentic self. You could actually lose your audience. And even risk losing them to your competitors who embrace authenticity. Think about that. If you have people who are in the same field that you are, who are embracing authenticity, showing Who they are [00:22:00] as a business owner and as a business. And what they value as a business owner and as a person you're going to possibly lose that potential client to that other company or the other person. This doesn't mean by the way that you have to air your dirty laundry to the entire world, every single thing. But it does mean that if you feel strongly about an issue in the world, one of those core values that we talked about, and if you have those core values written down and defined, you're going to see as things happen in the world. 
World and things happen in your life and in your business. You can easily figure out. If that does align with that core value that you have. So that first step in defining your core values will be that very, very important step to know if everything that happens around you fits within those core values. And if it does not, that is your answer. that is the thing that you should repel. 
but again, it doesn't mean you have to tell everything about your whole life and your whole business, but if you feel strongly about an issue in the [00:23:00] world, and, if it affects your core values and it affects those around you, you owe it to yourself and to your audience and to your customers to let them know how you feel. 
Yes, it could repel those who don't align themselves with that belief, but that's okay. Just like we've talked about, the ideal client finding you because they do align with you. This will repel those. do not align with you, but. It will strengthen the bond for those who do. Align themselves with you and they become your ride or die. They're there with you. 
They are with you all the way. I just find that this approach. Also helps with longterm customers who will come back to do business with you. Again, they want to do business with you because they feel that they do align with you and they know that they can trust you. And they know that you are authentically being your true self in your business life and in your home life. 
and they also refer other people to you too, with the same belief system. by aligning with clients and other customers who have that same belief system, [00:24:00] you are just growing and growing and growing that network of authentic people who want to do business with an authentic person. And they are just going to continue to refer people. And that system of people is just going to continue to grow. 
essentially I want you to blur the lines, which is not something that most people will tell you, but I want you to blur the lines between your business and your personal in a good way. I want you to share your personal stories. I want you to share your likes, your dislikes, The bonds that you make from those shares will be much deeper and long lasting than any surface level BS. That you think someone will want to hear, engage with your customers? Listen to their feedback, respond thoughtfully. Show appreciation for their support and just really make them feel valued. 
By fostering open and honest communication, you will create a loyal customer and client base. The bottom line is this authenticity. Thrives in genuine conversations. 
Number five, the work in the [00:25:00] transparency model. I love transparency. I have implemented all the way throughout my business and my life. But in today's interconnected world customers also appreciate transparency and be open. About your business practices, your pricing, and any challenges to that you may face by showing vulnerability. And by being honest, you just build more credibility and even more trust, being honest about issues and even setbacks will strengthen your client bond. We talked about that earlier and it definitely does. 
Number six, lead your team, show your internal team show those that you work with, and this could be vendors. This could be trades people, anybody that's around. You show anyone on your quote unquote team. How authentic you are. And they too will start to feel more comfortable with their authentic selves. And they too will start to share more about themselves with your customers. Because if you have a team who is sometimes on the front line, and you're not the only person [00:26:00] in front of a client, you need to impart your values, your core values onto team members. 
And also on the flip side of that, consider that when you're hiring team members as Uh, to ensure that team members that you're hiring do have some of those core values that you have in your company and as part of your personal and your business brand. And when you do hire people like that, let them know that it's okay for them to be their authentic selves, your business is just going to continue to grow by leaps and bounds with wonderful clients and wonderful team members. 
Number seven, be authentic on social media. Ah, this could be a hard one, right? So people cover up so much on social media with the pretext of projecting a positive brand image, quote unquote. Right. We've heard of that. But protect your brand. Yes. But to the point of being fake to do so, no. 
I find it important to weave in my personal life with my business. This is easier. Of course I know since I own my [00:27:00] own business, but anyone can do aspects of this. And gone are, the days of simply posting as a designer, I'm going to relate this to a designer, but posting a beautiful room or for a landscape designer posting a beautiful backyard or for a painter or posting a painting. 
And just simply saying, what do you think? Ha, and that's just lazy, first of all. But second of all, that's so noncommittal. And it's so boring. That you're not having any sort of stance or opinion, and I want you to have a stance and I want you to have an opinion. it can be a good one or a bad one, but just have one. Now don't hurt anyone or others in the midst of having your opinion, Instagram themselves lets us know that they want it to be a safe space, but a strong stance on something is remembered much more than the same old wishy-washy message that everyone else is saying. 
Recently, I. Had an example of this, where I was authentic on social media. I usually am very authentic on social media. But I went a little further this time on a post where [00:28:00] wisdom, recent Supreme court rulings. I just had to even more so. Blurred the lines between my personal and my business life. So I did express my feelings about the court case with the graphic designer, web designer, whatever, and the anti LGBT. Q community that she did not want to support. I had to, I had to let people know that that was not something that I supported and, you know, should I have taken a breath before I did it? Maybe? I don't know, but I did it anyway. And I'll tell you guys what happened. I did it. And I had so many people chime in and just give me wonderful positive responses from it. And let me know who my people were, who the people were, who were aligned with me. And those that I didn't even know were frankly aligned with me, came out of the woodwork and were aligned with me. And it wasn't a post I promise you at all about bolstering likes or any sort of views. 
It was nothing like that. It was truly a message about revealing who I was to the world. And if anyone ever wondered about my stance on this specific issue [00:29:00] and how I felt about it, I needed people to know, because I do not want to do business with those types of people. 
And I even had someone asked me on the post. Would you turn away a client who did not agree with homosexuality. And I said, if that client verbalized it or expressed to me in any way possible that they did not agree with the way that I live my life as a human being. Absolutely. Yes. I would turn them away. 
I would not be working with them. That is a core value of mine to love each other as we are. And if someone blatantly tells me that they do not like who I am as a, as a person and my life now. Then I will not be working with them. So that is very clear for me. And once you define those core values for yourself, those answers to those questions will come so fast as well for you. 
Number eight, love what you do and believe in what you're selling. This is really important. I've been in sales in some capacity my entire life. And even what I do now as sales, right? So I'm a designer, obviously, but I sell to [00:30:00] clients. I sell to other designers. I sell to my team members. I'm convincing vendors to do things. 
I'm convincing trades people. I'm in a way selling to you right now. Listen to this. To continue to listen to me, but I found out fast that I could never sell something. And again, this could be a tangible item or just some sort of belief. I can never sell something. That I did not believe in. And neither should you, clients and customers could pick up on this in a heartbeat. There is nothing worse than someone selling me something just to be selling me something. 
The best part is when you sell authentically. Because you are serving, not selling. Let that sink in. The best part is when you sell authentically, because you are serving, not selling. I'm going to ask you to do an entire podcast around serving as I sell system. But the basis of good effective selling is always, always, always coming from a [00:31:00] serving mindset. You also don't have to think too much when you love and believe in what you do. 
It just flows naturally. Uh, the questions are answered easily. You have a real answer to questions. You have topics of conversation that you can bring up. So it's never forced. It's never fake. Even this elevator pitch that you talk about, you don't even have to have one memorize. You could just sort of know the points of your company that you love, and it will just flow. 
From your mouth. So please love what you're doing. Please believe in what you're selling. Because nothing is worse, and people can pick up on it in a second than a fake salesperson. 
Number nine, stay true to your purpose. Authenticity lies in staying true to your purpose. Even when you're faced with difficult decisions. Prioritize your core mission and ensure that every business move reflects your commitment to it. Customers will appreciate your unwavering dedication. 
And number 10 embody [00:32:00] consistency. Consistency is in my opinion, the key to maintaining authenticity ensures that your brand message, the tone, all of your actions and your personal and business life. Align across all of the touch points. It could be your website, your social media customer interactions. You're at a chamber of commerce function. I don't care where you are be consistent in who you are, be consistent in the tone of your message, the tone of your brand message, the tone of your personal message and the tone of your company. 
And this consistency is just going to always reinforce the trust and the credibility that you have with everybody that you interact with. 
 So perhaps you have certain aspects of yourself that you're not fond of. We all do. 
it's possible that you may be even haven't been successful in managing how others perceive you. You might believe that there's more you can achieve in your life. Maybe you haven't fully tapped into your true potential. It could be that [00:33:00] you're tired of concealing your authentic self. I've been there. 
Uncovering the root cause of feeling inauthentic paved the way for genuine balance and personal growth. It truly, truly does. So once you find that root cause that reason of why you feel inauthentic. I did that with myself. 
It paves the way for personal growth. by directing your efforts toward gaining a better understanding of yourself. Confronting your fears confronting your fears, confronting your fears. And practicing self-forgiveness. You embody authenticity. I'm going to say that one more time by directing your efforts toward gaining a better understanding of yourself. 
Confronting your fears. And practicing self-forgiveness you embody authenticity. So. My friend. Here's what I asked you. Are you living in a truly, genuinely, honestly, fully authentic life? [00:34:00] Can you improve upon. And grow. Your authentic self to become better. 
To become braver. To become more compassionate. To become more transparent. And eventually. Even more successful. The answer to that. Is yes. So I hope this episode has helped you understand a bit more about authenticity in your life and in your business. find a way to dive deep. start today to ask yourself these tough questions to find a true definition of your authentic self, And it will make you a much, much happier person in life and in business 
Until next time, my friends keep learning, keep growing and keep designing. I'll see you soon.
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